


Dysfunctional Love

by Superbarryallen



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drugs, F/F, Gang Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-05-20 05:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 216,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5993437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superbarryallen/pseuds/Superbarryallen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa Woods is resident bad girl at Arkadia High while Clarke Griffin is the quiet girl who sits at the back the class minding her own business. Clarke never thought a girl like Lexa would ever, in a million years, notice her but one night, when Lexa has no where to turn to, she shows up on Clarke's doorstep needing her help. The pair are quite dysfunctional, but who cares when you're in love? </p><p>Clexa High School AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! Any feedback is appreciated to let me know what you think. I don't know, I guess I'm just trash for a Clexa High School AU. - tbh I'm trash for anything Clexa. Okay, I'm just trash in general. Have fun! :)

Clarke wasn't doing anything specific. Her mom was working a late shift at the hospital and without her around Clarke lacked the motivation to go to bed - despite it being one in the morning and having school the following day. She was spread out on the sofa sketching away and occasionally texting her friend Raven who she had a sneaking suspicion had fallen asleep on her since she wasn't replying anymore. That's when she heard a knock at her door. Common sense told Clarke that she should probably ignore it, that at this time, the only person it could be was either a) a murderer or b) a murderer but the knocks only grew in pace and urgency. 

 

Clarke stands up and pads her way to the front door stopping briefly to peer out of the peep hole. She couldn't see anyone standing there which she found strange. She pulls the door open and sticks her head out of it. She almost yelps in surprise when she sees a very familiar looking girl standing at the side of her house. The girl was slumped against the wall, a light sweat covering her head, and she looked a little worse for wear. "Hey." She greets trying not to let the pain she felt into her voice. Lexa Woods. Resident bad girl at Arkadia High and pretty much just plain trouble. 

 

"L-Lexa? What are you doing here?" Clarke asks her eyes wide. Admittedly, she had had a crush on Lexa for years but, then again, the bad girls/guys always did seem to attract her attention - maybe it was the leather jacket that she wore that hugged her body in all the right places, or her ripped black skinny jeans, or her intricate braids that Clarke had spent many classes trying to untangle with her eyes. 

 

"What? No invitation?" Lexa asks brushing past Clarke and into her house. She was holding her arm up to her chest and Clarke was certain she was limping slightly. 

 

Clarke closes the door feeling a little irritated; the brunette had practically forced her way into her house and she had the audacity to be sarcastic. There was one thing Clarke was glad for and that was the fact that she had chosen to wear sweats with her favourite hockey shirt - at least she wasn't indecent. "What the hell happened to you?" Clarke had to resist the urge to gasp. In the dim lighting of her porch light Lexa had looked like Lexa but now Clarke could see her properly she could see multiple cuts and bruises littering her face as well as her shoulder looking severely out of place. Clarke had the overwhelming urge to touch Lexa, in a medical perspective of course, since her mom had been training her since she was little, she just had a caring personality. 

 

" _ Azgeda _ ." Lexa spits angrily. "I'm not going to lie, I was on their turf but they jumped me. I’m lucky this is all I got." Lexa winces when she moves her arm. 

 

"How did you even know where I lived?" Clarke asks confused. Lexa attempts to shrug but hisses in pain. 

 

"I don't know... I think... I must have remembered someone telling me." Lexa says dismissively. 

 

"Let me see your shoulder." Clarke says stepping forward. Lexa removes her leather jacket, with some difficulty, and allows Clarke to run her fingers over her tender skin. It was bruised and Clarke could feel the bone poking out the top of Lexa's skin. "You want to tell me how this happened?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow. Lexa knew Clarke's type: she was the quiet girl, who always sat at the back of the class and actually paid attention, she had close loyal friends, and she knew that the blonde never would imagine that a girl - like herself - would notice a girl like her, but the truth was, Lexa had. She too resided at the back of the class and often she'd have a perfect view of Clarke from her seat. It was hard not to notice her: her blonde hair fell perfectly on her shoulders and her blue eyes were probably the most impressive thing Lexa had ever seen. Lexa thought that they were deep and dark like the ocean yet they were soft and light like the sky. 

 

"Do you really want to know?" Lexa asks. Clarke shakes her head and takes a step back. 

 

"You should go to a hospital. They'll be able to treat you better there, with lower risk." Clarke informs her. "The shoulder may be the easiest place to get a dislocation, but it's complicated, and there's a lot of factors that play into it like, one of your blood vessels could be damaged, or a nerve, or-" 

 

"Woah, slow down Clarke." Lexa says feeling dizzy from the rush of medical knowledge that the blonde had just given her. She did have to admit though that Clarke was adorable when she rambled. Clarke was just amazed that Lexa knew her name - that was enough for her to stop. "Hospital's not an option." Lexa says with a shake of the head. Anya would kill her if she got a call saying her little sister was in hospital especially for something so petty. "Is your mom home?" Lexa asks. Clarke shakes her head but bites her lip slightly. 

 

"I could probably do it but if anything goes wrong-" Clarke begins hesitantly.

 

"I trust you." Lexa says. She was desperate, she had nowhere else to go, and she didn't fancy having her big sister kick her ass for being so stupid. 

 

Clarke leads her into the living room and orders the brunette to lie on the floor. "This probably isn't going to feel good." Clarke warns, though she didn't think the pain would be too unbearable. "If you talk it might distract you from what I'm doing." Clarke tells her. Lexa closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. 

 

"It happened when I was fighting the goons who had jumped me." She confesses. "One of them slammed me against the wall. I bet it was Nia, the bitch." Lexa says angrily. Clarke positions Lexa's arm at a ninety degree angle and begins pulling slowly on it to coax the joint back into its socket. Lexa grits her teeth at the feeling but expertly holds back any sign that she was in pain. "I wasn't supposed to be in Azgeda land, but it was the only place I could get-" Lexa stops mid sentence, realising what she was about to reveal, when she feels a significant amount of relief on her arm. 

 

"All done." Clarke says proud of her work. "You shouldn't move it though. Let me get you a sling and you should probably put ice on it to reduce the swelling." Lexa sits up and almost bumps heads with Clarke. 

 

"Thanks Dr Griff." Lexa says feeling a little flustered from being so close to Clarke's face. 

 

"You know, I could take a look at those cuts too." Clarke says skeptically. She didn't want to let Lexa go if she was still injured - no matter how minor the injury.

 

"I'm okay." Lexa says getting a little distracted by those blue eyes again. 

 

"Well, you have to wear a sling or you could injure your shoulder again." Clarke says sternly. She exits the living room and makes her way towards where she knew her mom kept some medical supplies. 

 

Lexa stands up and wanders around the living room with her heavy boots making a loud noise each time she stepped. She stops at a photograph which showed Clarke with her mother and her father on her birthday. She looked so young and, judging by the amount of candles on the cake, it looked as though she was twelve. Lexa knew about Clarke's father after she heard about the accident he had had at work - plus the fact that Clarke hadn't shown up at school for two whole weeks. It was a pretty hard time for Clarke but Lexa didn't really know her, in fact, this was their first time really talking. They were strangers, not even acquaintances, yet Lexa already knew a lot about Clarke - unlike Clarke who found Lexa to be somewhat of a question mark. "That was a long time ago." Clarke says from the doorway. Lexa spins around holding her arm across her waist. Clarke approaches her and slips the sling over her head, carefully moving Lexa's arm into place. "He died a long time ago." Clarke mutters. Not once did Lexa's eyes leave the blonde's face. She could see the sadness reflected in her eyes and her eyebrows were pointing down in a frown at the memory. 

 

"Four years isn't that long." Lexa whispers. Clarke finishes her work and connects eyes with Lexa, momentarily taking her breath away. She stares at her for a long moment before clearing her throat and raising her head. 

 

"How do you know it's been four years?" Clarke asks. 

 

"Twelve candles." Lexa tilts her head towards the picture. "And you’re sixteen now." 

 

"So you're good at math?" Clarke jokes. Lexa grins, actually, she was awful at math but she liked Clarke's sarcasm. 

 

"I should be going." Lexa says picking her leather jacket up. "Maybe I'll see you around school Griffin." She says reaching the front door. Clarke stops in the doorway, the cold night air was freezing and the door had only been open for a couple of minutes. 

 

"You're lucky my mom was working a late shift." Clarke calls after the brunette. She stops and turns around her grin vivid in the dark morning light. 

 

"I'm a lot of things Clarke, but lucky certainly isn't one of them." She calls to the blonde. Once Lexa was out of sight Clarke closes the door and leans against it. Lexa Woods was even more of a question mark to her now. How was it Clarke didn't know a thing about Lexa but she seemed to know a lot about her? Why would the Azgeda beat her up? The Azgedas were a gang, that much Clarke knew, and their only rivals were the Trikru gang who were experts in operating silently. Maybe Lexa just had a bad incident with Nia? Clarke knew Nia from school: she was a senior and the girl was probably one of the scariest people she'd ever met. Clarke found herself even more infatuated with the idea of Lexa and her bad girl vibe had only increased and don't think Clarke didn't notice Lexa's toned muscles when she removed her jacket. "Worst. Crush. Ever." Clarke whispers under her breath. She drags herself upstairs and collapses in bed trying to forget about the ridiculously attractive brunette but failing miserably. 

 

_ I'm just a hormonal teenager, _ Clarke had comes to the conclusion when she finds herself glancing at Lexa's locker every few seconds - she hadn't even noticed that Raven was trying to get her attention and she was only stood a few feet away. "Earth to Clarke?" Raven asks. Clarke jumps when Raven places her hand on her shoulder startling her out of her daze. "I may only have one useful leg but I will kick your ass with it if I have to." Raven says. Clarke rolls her eyes and rests her head against her locker. 

 

"Sorry, I'm just a little tired." Clarke confesses. She hadn't slept very well; the idea of Lexa getting jumped or hurt again had plagued her dreams and she was still on edge from the weird knotting sensation she had felt in her stomach when they'd been so close to each other. 

 

"Well wake up. Mr Kane isn't going to like it if you fall asleep in his class." Raven informs her. "Though it might be okay since he clearly has a thing for your mom." Clarke mock gags against her locker and Raven laughs. "Also, did you really think I wouldn't notice you staring towards her who-shall-not-be-named’s locker? Your pining is so annoying." Clarke glares at Raven and she smirks at her. 

 

"I'm not pining for her! We just had a little run in." Clarke confesses. Raven perks up at this revelation wanting to hear all about the juicy gossip. 

 

"Oh my god! Details. Now." Raven orders. The bell rings and Clarke gives an innocent shrug before walking towards her nearest lesson. "I'll get it out of you later Griffin!" Raven yells after her causing Clarke to laugh. 

 

She makes her way to the back of the class and slumps down in her seat. Ever since Finn left there had been a spare seat next to her for years. Apparently competition was hard to get into AP English - not that Clarke really cared. Finn was a jerk and she was glad he was gone. He'd transferred to another school halfway across the world but not before Clarke found out about his promiscuous behaviour one of which had been with her best friend Raven who, at the time, had just been a stranger to her. 

 

Clarke flips open her notes too distracted to hear the loud tread of boots and the jingle of chains as someone entered the classroom. The girl slides a slip towards Marcus Kane who eyes her suspiciously. "There's a seat at the back." Kane gestures to the one next to Clarke and the girl makes her way towards it. She slides into the desk and leans lazily back in the chair. 

 

"Fancy seeing you here." The person who had sat next to Clarke, who had filled that empty seat, was so familiar that Clarke could pick her voice out of a thousand voices. She turns her head and sees a pair of amused green eyes staring at her; she still had the sling on but her cuts were pretty much all healed up. It was either fate or a terrible coincidence that Lexa was in, what used to be, Finn's seat. One side of Clarke's brain was sending up red flags - that this was some kind of warning from the universe that Lexa was more bad news than Finn - but the reasonable side, that was completely enthralled with Lexa and her mysterious personality, was much bigger and harder to ignore. 

 

"Romeo and Juliet." Kane begins. Lexa was still clearly amused by Clarke's shock but she turns in her seat and faces the front. 

 

"Cliche." Lexa mutters throwing her feet up onto her desk and leaning further back in her seat. She wished she wasn't so damn good at English, but she was, and after coming home with a sling Anya had decided to punish her in the worst way possible, which was school. 

 

"Miss Woods." Kane says. Lexa feels all eyes on her but she doesn't move an inch, she simply raises an eyebrow. "If you could remove your feet from your desk, that'd be most appreciative." He says a little annoyed but Kane was a master at keeping his cool - even with troublemakers. Lexa sits up allowing her feet to drop to the ground. Despite her sulky mood and attitude she respected Kane, the guy was surprisingly peaceful which was surprising since when they were freshmen the guy had been a douche. Clarke watches as Kane turns his back on the class before she chooses to turn to the brunette next to her. 

 

"What are you doing here?" Clarke whispers quietly. A few people look at the blonde like she was crazy - not many people dared to talk to Lexa. 

 

"I'm learning English. What are you doing here?" Lexa asks sarcastically. Clarke rolls her eyes at Lexa who grins at her playfully. She liked teasing Clarke, especially since she always seemed to have witty comebacks herself. 

 

"You're hilarious." Clarke mutters. "I've been wanting to talk to you." Clarke admits hesitantly. Lexa sits up straighter and twirls her pen in her hand. She could see that Clarke was holding her pen in her left hand, which Lexa assumed made her left handed, which strangely made Clarke even hotter.  _ Is it possible to find left handed people more attractive? _ Lexa briefly wanders before Clarke, raising a perfect blonde eyebrow, gets her attention again. 

 

"Emn." Lexa stumbles for a moment. "Yeah, we can talk." Lexa shrugs. Her shoulder still ached slightly but, considering the pain she had been in before, it was nothing compared to what it was now. 

 

"Miss Woods." Kane calls, he was holding a slip of paper in his hand. "It appears your services are required elsewhere." Lexa stands up and grabs her bag, slinging it over her shoulder, she winks at Clarke before she struts confidently out of the classroom. Clarke shakes her head in amusement with a small smile on her lips at Lexa's behaviour. She defiantly had a type and, it appeared that, her type was going to get her into trouble. 

 

"What do you mean Nia stole my bike?" Lexa fumes. Anya was sitting on the hood of her car while Lexa stood across from her. Anya had written the note to get Lexa out of class - even if she didn't specifically deserve it. Anya may be a hardass but she never wanted Lexa to get hurt and, when she'd seen her with a sling, she'd given her hell for being stupid enough to trespass into Azgeda territory. 

 

"I mean she stole your bike  _ moron _ ." Anya says with a roll of the eyes. She was eighteen, two years older than Lexa, but Anya always treated Lexa like she was ten. 

 

"What the hell Anya?  _ Go to school today Lex, nothing bad will happen today Lex, get your ass out the door before I drag you there myself, Lex. _ " Lexa imitated Anya's voice. She was pissed that the ice bitch, as Lexa liked to refer to Nia as, had stolen her most prized possession. 

 

"Okay, first of all, I don't appreciate the tone." Anya says and Lexa let's out a huff of irritation. "And second of all, how was I supposed to know she'd steal your bike?" 

 

"I'm getting it back." Lexa promises. "I don't know how or when but I'm getting my baby back." Lexa leans against Anya's car in annoyance. Her older sister watches her carefully, she'd been awfully vague about how exactly she'd fixed her arm and Anya was still trying to piece that story together. 

 

"The hell you are." Anya says with a frown. "Indra benched you, after your little stunt last night, and Gustus won't let anyone anywhere near you." Anya says remembering the older boy who was so protective of Lexa. 

 

"What about you?" Lexa asks. Anya slides down the hood and lands next to her sister. 

 

"I'm your sister, there's no way I'm about to let you go storming after your nemesis." Anya jokes wrapping her arm around Lexa's neck. She pulls Lexa's head down and gives her a rough ruffle of the head which Lexa protests about but fails to get out of. 

 

"I'm Trikru." Lexa says pushing away from the older girl. "There's no way you're keeping me out of the loop." Lexa even had the tattoos to prove her allegiance to Trikru - despite being too young for them - she'd been on countless assignments which mostly included some kind of fighting. Lexa was the fighter of the gang, one of the best, she was smart, agile and scrappy. She'd been pretty much undefeated up until last night that was but that wasn't a fair fight nor did her opponents get off any easier. Anya sighs and looks towards the school when the bell rings. 

 

"As long as Indra has you benched then there's nothing you can do." Anya says with a shrug walking towards the school with a teasing grin on her face. 

 

"I'm getting my bike back!" Lexa yells as she walks away from her. Anya waves over her shoulder in a dismissive gesture and Lexa frowns feeling both angry and irritated. What could she say? She loved violence and her bike - she definitely loved her bike. 

 

Clarke was standing by her locker again when Raven came up beside her carrying a bunch of books in her arms. Clarke closes her locker door hoping to avoid the grilling she knew Raven was about to give her. "Okay, spill." Raven says catching up with her blonde friend. Clarke sighs and slows her pace slightly to match Raven's. 

 

"She came to my house last night looking for help-" Clarke begins. 

 

"Is that why she's wearing a sling?" Raven interrupts curiously. 

 

"Yeah, I had to pop her shoulder back into place." Raven cringes at this revelation - trying to picture Lexa's shoulder being dislocated was a little disturbing. "She just showed up, out of nowhere." Clarke recalls, she didn't even know that Lexa knew her name let alone where she lived. 

 

"Maybe she stalks you." Raven suggests playfully. 

 

"Maybe." Clarke says with a laugh. "Nothing happened, we just talked and-" Clarke's cut off when a student barges into Raven's shoulder causing her to drop all her books on the ground. 

 

"Watch where you're going limpy." Clarke recognised the guy as the meathead Tristan who thought he was better than everyone. Clarke was about to give him a piece of her mind when she heard a familiar voice speak calmly, and slowly, behind her. 

 

"Maybe you should watch where you're going." Lexa says staring the Azgeda goon in the eyes. Clarke bites her tongue, letting her comment die in her throat, she found it amusing how the senior was practically cowering under Lexa's intense gaze. Lexa may have only one arm but, it was her good arm and, she wasn't afraid to use it. Tristan looks at Raven and shrugs his shoulders trying to down play how nervous Lexa made him feel. "Tell Nia that I'll be seeing her soon." Lexa calls after the brute of a man - her voice had an edge to it that Clarke couldn't exactly place. She steps forward and gathers Raven's books into her arms from the ground. Raven watched the brunette, open mouthed, completely surprised by Lexa's actions. "I can carry them to your next lesson if you like?" Lexa suggests though she was slightly distracted by the bright smile Clarke had on her face. There was another side to Lexa that Clarke could get used to. 

 

"Wow, hot, polite and chivalrous. No wonder Clarke totally has the hots for you." Raven says grinning and Clarke hits her on the shoulder. Lexa returns the same grin and, in that moment, she made the decision that she liked the girl. "Raven." Raven answers Lexa's unasked question. Clarke realises that the pair were alike in many ways - which could either be good or bad. 

 

"Lexa." Lexa replies falling into step with the trio. "You shouldn't listen to Tristan, guy’s a dickhead." Lexa says - even though she was talking to Raven she couldn't help but glance at the blonde on the other side of her. 

 

"Yeah, even if you hadn’t have been there, I probably would have gave him a pretty mean right hook." Raven says and she was being completely honest, she didn't let people push her around, that wasn't how she rolled. 

 

"Damn, now I really wish I hadn't just so I could have seen you teach that guy a lesson." Lexa replies - anything that ended with violence was entertaining in Lexa's eyes. 

 

They reach the doorway to Raven and Clarke's next lesson and Lexa unloads Raven's books back into the brunette's arms. As Clarke was about to enter the classroom she felt slim fingers wrap around her wrist to stop her from walking away. Clarke looks at her confused and Lexa leans in close to her ear causing butterflies to erupt in Clarke's stomach. "How do you feel about skipping?" Lexa whispers in her ear. She knew Anya would probably  kill her if she found out but she really didn't need to learn anymore about how cells divided - she already knew that. "We can have that talk you mentioned?" Clarke was a little lightheaded from being so close to Lexa and the feeling of her hand holding her wrist was even more distracting. She glances back into the classroom and shrugs her shoulders - it was only bio, if she missed anything important than her mom was a terrible teacher. 

 

"Okay." Clarke decides, smiling when she feels Lexa tug her down the hall. 

 

"I have the perfect place." Lexa decides. "You'll love it." 

 

Clarke did love the place Lexa took her, granted the trek up the hillside had been a little tiring but, the view of Arkadia below was more than breathtaking. Being the artist Clarke was, she could imagine just how the city changed at different times of the day - the light from the sun casting shade or dipping the town into a beautiful orange glow. They were sitting on a bench positioned at the top of the hill, God knows why there was a bench at the top of a hill like this, and Lexa sat with her legs pulled up and crossed while Clarke settled for having her feet on the ground. "It's beautiful up here." Clarke says a little breathlessly. Lexa smiles, she knew Clarke would love this place just as much as she did which was one of the reasons Lexa liked Clarke so much. Lexa slumps back slightly, she liked Clarke -  _ a lot _ \- which she never really thought she would again - not after Costia. 

 

"I come up here to think." Lexa says gazing out at the town. If she wanted to she could describe every crook and cranny since that's where she operated most. "It clears my head." Clarke looks at Lexa who seemed distracted by the town in front of her. She'd never seen Lexa so at peace with her surroundings - something always seems to be playing in the girl's mind. She could appreciate every aspect of Lexa's beauty in the bright morning light, there was no argument that the brunette was drop dead gorgeous and Clarke could feel her mouth run dry from just looking at her. Lexa looks to her right, catching blue eyes staring intently at her, Clarke quickly looks away, a light blush colouring her cheeks, and Lexa smiles - catching Clarke in the act of staring at her was more satisfying than Lexa thought it would be. "You wanted to talk to me?" Lexa asks breaking their comfortable silence. 

 

"I- Yes." Clarke says still recovering from her slight embarrassment. Lexa's green eyes seemed even more intense when she was closer and Clarke could easily get lost in them. "Are you okay?" Clarke asks surprising Lexa. No one ever really asked her that anymore, they just assumed she was, and Lexa prides herself on her resilience. 

 

"What? I'm fine." Lexa replies knitting her eyebrows together. Clarke swings her feet slightly, fixing her gaze on the horizon rather than Lexa's piercing green eyes. 

 

"Just because last night, you came into my house with a dislocated shoulder and multiple cuts and bruises." Clarke replies nonchalantly. Lexa slumps back and stretches her legs out lazily. She was laid back in this place, Clarke notes, she was just Lexa up here, there was no Lexa the trouble maker, it was simply just herself. 

 

"I'm sorry if I caused you any trouble." Lexa mutters quietly. "I just... I didn't have anywhere else to go." Lexa reveals her eyes saddening. 

 

"You can always come to me." Clarke says trying to lift Lexa's spirits. "Just, you were lucky that my mom was working a late shift." Lexa laughs flashing Clarke her perfect teeth. 

 

"I have a feeling your mom wouldn't like me very much." Lexa says turning to face Clarke fully. Clarke copies her so they’re sitting face to face rather than side by side. "I mean, I'm clearly a bad influence, you cut school because of me." Lexa didn't like to think she could change Clarke - that would never be her intention. 

 

"You say that like I've never cut school before." Clarke replies and Lexa cocks an eyebrow in suspicion. 

 

"You've cut school before?" Lexa asks in disbelief. 

 

"Well, no, but hey, there's a first time for everything." Clarke says with a smile which causes Lexa to smile. The thing was, Lexa still wasn't sure how Clarke felt about her, of course Lexa was attracted to the blonde, it'd be impossible for her not to be, but something was stopping her from using her confidence and arrogance to find out. She felt vulnerable with Clarke - almost like she was naked. "So what did your parents say? About your arm." Clarke asks. She watches Lexa's face fall instantly and recognises it immediately as the pain of losing a parent. 

 

"They died a couple years ago." Lexa confesses. 

 

"I'm so sorry." Clarke says feeling her heart contract. She understood the pain of losing one parent but the thought of losing her mother too was unbearable. 

 

"It's okay." Lexa says with a shrug, though she seemed deflated. "Anya, my sister, looks after me now. She's kind of my best friend and, well, my only friend." Lexa adds to lighten the mood again. How could Clarke have known about her parents? The blonde barely even knew Lexa. 

 

"We're friends." Clarke says and Lexa looks up at her. 

 

"We are?" She asks a little amused. 

 

"I think once you pop someone's shoulder back into place then, you're kind of bonded as at least acquaintances." Clarke jokes. "Maybe the next step is me patching up another one of your injuries." 

 

"I wouldn't put it past me." Lexa says lightheartedly. 

 

"How much trouble can you really get into?" Clarke asks mirroring Lexa's light tone. 

 

"Wouldn’t you like to know?" Lexa says with a smile. "But I can't tell you everything can I? Otherwise I'd lose my air mystery." Lexa winks at her and Clarke feels her heart rate rise. Lexa hears her phone chime and she grins down at it - one of her friends, Lincoln, had been able to find the location of her bike. "Duty calls Clarke," Lexa says standing up. "I'll see you later sunshine." Lexa stands up from her seat and Clarke lets out a breathy laugh. 

 

"Sunshine?" Clarke asks a little confused but also really liking the nickname at the same time. 

 

"Until we meet again!" Lexa calls with a grin. "I'll tell you all about that time I stole a ham from the local butchers.” Clarke shakes her head in amusement. She wanted to know Lexa more, talk to her more,  _ be  _ with her more.  _ You've got it bad _ , Clarke thinks to herself. Clarke had a strong feeling that with Lexa there was no shallow end - either you were in the deep end or you were nowhere - Clarke just really hoped she would swim and not drown. The sound of her phone buzzing startles Clarke from her thoughts and she grabs her phone to see who it was. 

 

_ [Raven Reyes - The Hot Best Friend] - I can't believe you cut school without me! Octavia is about to kill you if you don't get your ass back here.  _

 

Clarke grins at the message from her best friend while also internally groaning at what Raven had obviously changed her name to in her contacts. Just before she was about to stuff the phone back into her pocket another text came through. 

 

_ [Raven Reyes - The Hot Best Friend] - Ps. bring pizza. It's the only thing that will tame the O beast.  _

 


	2. Safe Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke faces an angry Abby while Lexa takes matters into her own hands. Also, Clarke's pretty sure her crush on Lexa is going to be the death of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments on the last chapter, I loved reading them! Let me know what you think of this chapter and I hope you enjoy. Also, I loved writing this btw.

Clarke arrived back at her house with both Raven and Octavia in tow. The three of them were laughing about something that Octavia had said when Clarke opened the door to be greeted by a deep set frown and glowering eyes. The girls' laughter halts immediately, Octavia and Raven knew Abby's mom face when they saw it and they glance at each other nervously. "Clarke Griffin." Abby says her voice tight. Clarke swallows nervously and looks for some kind of escape from whatever her mom was about to yell at her for. "Girls, could you give us a minute?" Abby asks Raven and Octavia. They nod and go to make themselves at home in Clarke’s living room but not before Octavia manages to whisper in Clarke's ear. 

 

"Just blame it on Raven." To try and get Clarke to relax a little, which it did. 

 

"Your school called." Abby says, addressing Clarke again, she had her arms crossed over her chest with a disapproving look on her face. "You skipped class?" She asks. Clarke shuffles uncomfortably. One thing she was certain of was that she could not mention her new brunette friend. "You don't do things like this Clarke." Clarke knew that her mom was waiting for her to explain but she was panicking, her mom was right, she didn't do things like this, and she was getting nervous from her mother's probing not used to being glared at so intensely. 

 

"It was only bio." Clarke stumbles over her words. "I hate that class, you know I do, and you already taught me all I need to know." Seriously, Clarke could get straight A's in her sleep - her mom made sure of that. Abby softens slightly, she loved Clarke but she knew she had to be firm and stern; she couldn't have her daughter skipping class just because she felt like it. 

 

"Um, Ms G, if I can interrupt?" Raven steps into the hallway again. "It was kind of my idea that we skip. Some guy in the hallway made me feel like shi- like crap and Clarke said that  she'd come to offer some friendly support." Raven says. It wasn't exactly the truth but it wasn't exactly a lie either. Clarke breathes a sigh of relief when she sees her mom's tense demeanor drop slightly. 

 

"I expect this to never happen again." Abby says addressing it to Raven as well. She knew after Raven's accident that her living situation with her mother was unbearable and she felt like Raven was, in some ways, like a daughter to her. "You and I will talk about this later but I have to get to work." Abby says grabbing her coat. She gives Clarke a pointed look but gives in and kisses her on top of the head before rushing out of the house. 

 

"You owe me princess." Raven says with a grin walking back into the living room. Clarke follows behind her and watches Raven flop down onto her couch, Octavia already had her feet up on the coffee table, and Clarke wasn't even sure when her home had become her friends' second home - not that she minded. 

 

"So you were with gangster girl?" Octavia asks raising her eyebrows at the blonde. 

 

"I was with  _ Lexa _ ." Clarke corrects. "She's... different." Clarke says not sure how to explain how Lexa made her feel. 

 

"Uh oh." Raven says in a teasing tone. 

 

"Shut up Reyes." Clarke says rolling her eyes. She didn't want to have to hear Raven tease her anymore. 

 

"Raven's right." Octavia says and Raven grins triumphantly. "Lexa's not just anyone Clarke, you need to be careful." Clarke takes a moment to think about Octavia's words. 

 

"I don't think she's like what people say she is." Clarke says defensively. "I think she's just misunderstood." 

 

"I heard she's Trikru." Raven pipes up serious for once; she didn't want to see Clarke get dragged into anything dangerous. 

 

"Whatever." Clarke says slightly irritated. "I just want to get to know her better before I place any judgements on her." Clarke says. Octavia and Raven look at each other with concern for a moment. 

 

"And we're not saying you shouldn't, we’re just saying,  _ be careful _ ." Octavia stresses. The conversation dies down between them before Raven, being Raven, asks a totally inappropriate question. 

 

"Do you think Lexa’s a virgin?" Clarke almost spits out the drink that she had, unfortunately, taken a sip from and Octavia grins feeling mischievous - Raven always had that effect on her. 

 

"I bet she's not." Octavia answers and Clarke stares at her friends, open mouthed, she couldn't believe that they were talking about this - about  _ Lexa _ of all people. 

 

"Normally I like to bet against you, but I'm afraid this time I have to agree." Raven says glancing at Clarke with a huge grin on her face. 

 

"Oh my god. Can we not talk about this?" Clarke asks wanting to disappear into thin air.  _ Were they trying to kill her? _

 

"Just because you're still a virgin Clarke." Raven adds and Octavia snorts. 

 

"Yeah, doesn't mean you have to be a prude." Octavia backs up. Clarke buries her head in her arms and let's put a long groan, her cheeks were burning so much, she hated her friends, except she didn't, she loved them, but boy were they a piece of work. 

 

"Can we please talk about something other than Lexa's sex life?" Clarke asks her voice slightly muffled from having her head buried in her arms. 

 

"I bet she gets it regularly." Raven says and Octavia bursts out laughing only to have the pair of them be hit on the head with a pillow thrown by Clarke.

 

Lexa was crouched behind a dumpster. Not exactly the place she wanted to be spending her Friday night but it was necessary in case some Azgeda spotted her. Lincoln was crouched beside her, occasionally peeking out from the side. "We're miles away. I doubt they'll see us." Lincoln says unamused that his cousin had dragged him on her rogue mission. 

 

"Shut up." Lexa growls. She would much rather be here alone but Lincoln had insisted, that since Lexa had been benched and she was wearing a sling, she shouldn't be going anywhere alone. So Lexa had told him to come or stay but either way she was going to steal her bike back. "I don't care how far away we are. I bet they have guards crawling all over this place." Lexa hits Lincoln on the head in annoyance and he grumbles in irritation. 

 

Lexa removes her sling and tosses it into the dumpster; she'd need all her arms for this and plus it was nice to have some freedom in her arm. Deciding that the coast was clear, Lexa gets up from her position and begins walking towards the Azgeda compound. Trust Nia to leave her bike in an almost impossible place to get it out of -  _ almost _ impossible that was. "Alright Linc, you go to the front gate and figure something out. I'm going to have to have those gates open if I want to get my baby out of here." Lincoln stands next to her: he was all muscle, and he practically towered over Lexa, but she always acted as though he was smaller. Lincoln would normally trust Lexa but recently she had been getting very reckless and he had noticed that she'd picked up some nasty habits. 

 

"And how exactly are you planning on getting in?" Lincoln asks suspiciously. Lexa grins confidently and boosts herself up onto the dumpster. She grabs her handy pen knife from her pocket in case she needed it. Her only downfall, if this went wrong, was that all she had for a weapon was a pen knife - not exactly her first choice of weapon. She removes her leather jacket and lays it down over the barbed wire that was lazily placed along the top of the wall to the compound flattening it so she could climb safely over. 

 

"When you hear my horn three times, don't hesitate to open that gate." Lexa warns and Lincoln nods in understanding before Lexa disappears over the top of the wall and then, a moment later, her leather jacket was pulled down too. Lincoln stays still for a moment not sure exactly what he was listening for, maybe for Lexa to change her mind, but he knew that would never happen. He just hoped his cousin was going to be smart about this and not let her personal feelings for Nia get in the way. Lincoln takes off towards the front of the compound, he had to be quiet otherwise the Azgeda inside would know something was wrong. 

 

Lexa lands inside the compound safely. Her black clothing was perfect for blending into the darkness and so far so good. Lexa takes cover behind the numerous vehicles parked inside the compound, which were probably all stolen, she couldn't see her bike just yet but she knew Lincoln's intel was never wrong - so if he said her bike was here then her bike was here. 

 

She curses under her breath when she hears a group of people heading towards her. She dives behind a close SUV and breathes a sigh of relief when she hears them past. This was impossible, how was Lexa supposed to know where her bike was if there were this many vehicles? She knew the Azgeda liked to dabble in the dealing of stolen goods, unlike Trikru who were much more secretive, but she never thought they'd have this many. Lexa stands up, she never was one for stealthy approaches anyway, and she could easily hold her own in a fight - even if she did have an injured shoulder. She surveys her surroundings when she hears the unmistakable sound of an engine revving: not just any engine but her bike's engine. Lexa clenches her jaw in anger: _ I swear to god, if these Azgeda idiots did anything to my baby, I will personally see that they're all killed. _ Lexa makes her way towards the sound, it must have been a skeleton crew at this hour as Lexa was easily able to manoeuvre through the various cars without making contact with anyone. 

 

When Lexa finally gets into the clearing she sees a group of Azgeda gathered in a circle around her bike while one sat on it happily revving the engine away. The thing she found most pleasing was that the guy on the bike was Tristan and she knew she couldn't resist teaching that guy a lesson. There were two around the bike and, with Tristan, that made three which Lexa could handle easily. She steps out from her hiding spot and walks towards the group, walking with such smooth confidence that they didn't even notice who was approaching them. "Hey assmunch?" Lexa calls grinning when they turn their heads - the look of surprise on their faces was priceless. "Get the hell off my bike." 

 

"Trikru!" One of them growls picking up a nearby pipe.  _ That could be a problem, _ Lexa thinks to herself. Tristan stands up frowning deeply at Lexa. 

 

"What the hell Lexa? You know you're not supposed to be here." He says angrily. "We have no choice but to-" He's cut short when Lexa launches her pen knife in his direction, missing him by a wink, and stabbing his friend in the leg. 

 

" _ Ahh _ !" He screams in pain. 

 

"What the fuck Lexa?" Tristan asks backing up slightly; he knew Lexa was a fighter and he didn't want to fight her unless absolutely necessary. "Can't we just talk about this?" Tristan asks. 

 

"Tristan, what are you doing?" The goon standing next to him, holding the pipe, asks. "Let's smash this bitch’s head in." He steps forward and Lexa watches him carefully. He takes a swing at her but Lexa quickly manages to step out the way of. It was obvious the guy didn’t really know what he was doing, he was just swinging the pipe around hoping to use his strength and hit Lexa. He swings at her again and Lexa ducks underneath the pipe before bringing her fist harshly down on his knee causing him to fall to the ground and drop the pipe in doing so. Lexa picks the pipe up from the ground and whacks him across the face knocking him clean out while also splattering blood on the muddy ground. The Azgeda on the ground, with Lexa's pen knife sticking out of his leg, gulps when she steps closer to him. She pulls the knife out causing him to howl in pain and she wipes the blood on the blade on Tristan's jacket. He leans away from her face: too threatened and scared to stare her in the eyes. "You tell Nia that this isn't over." Lexa says holding her pen knife dangerously close to Tristan's throat. "Tell her I will be back and she will pay for Costia." 

 

"Costia chose herself that wasn't-" Tristan begins but Lexa presses harder against Tristan's throat effectively silencing him. 

 

"You tell her that and I'll let you live. Or if you prefer, I could just slit your throat." Lexa says a crazy grin lighting her face. 

 

"You wouldn't." Tristan says though he didn't sound convinced. "I saw you defending that broad in the hallway today. It's your feelings that make you weak Lexa and Nia will always manipulate you with that." 

 

"You think I have feelings for you? Is that why you think I won't kill you?" Lexa asks glaring into Tristan's eyes. 

 

"No, I think you won't kill me because if you did then Nia would be forced to retaliate. No one's dead today and it can stay that way. Take back what you own, and there'll be temporary peace." 

 

" _ Temporary _ ." Lexa repeats with a scoff but she knew Tristan was right. They may be from different gangs but they had the same saying 'jus drein jus daun' blood must have blood and no blood had been spilt today - at least not properly. Tristan hands her the keys to her bike and she removes her knife from his throat. 

 

"I'll tell Nia your message but Costia still wishes to speak to you." Lexa turns the key in the ignition smiling when she feels her bike roar to life beneath her. 

 

"Costia is dead to me." Lexa replies. She takes off at full speed, honking her horn as loud as she could, dodging Azgeda gang members as some tried to capture her but it was no use Lexa was an expert on her bike and she'd missed being on it - a lot. 

 

The gates swing open and Lexa skids to a stop outside of them. Lincoln hops on the back of Lexa's bike and Lexa looks back at the group of Azgeda who were running towards them. She gives them a salute, revs her engine a couple of times, enough to be considered extremely cocky, before she takes off down the street, the wind hitting her full force with her growing speed. "Lexa!" Lincoln yells over the roaring of the wind. They were back in Trikru land and he didn't feel like staying on the bike any longer than he had to. 

 

"Relax Linc, I think we've earned ourselves a celebratory drink, don't you?" Lexa asks picking up her speed even more. She found it highly amusing that Lincoln was practically clinging to her for dear life - a strong guy like him was afraid of a motorcycle. Lexa ignored Lincoln's protests that she was underage to drink - and so was he - and headed to a place that she knew they'd be served. She needed some alcohol to help her forget what a mess she had become. 

 

Clarke was lying asleep on her sofa when she heard the front door open and she hears her mom's footsteps as she quietly walks into the living room. Abby smiles when she sees Clarke half asleep and half awake with a textbook across her chest. Realising her daughter must have fallen asleep while studying, she smiles again. "Hey." Clarke says sitting up, she rubs her eyes a few times and closes her textbook. She'd been reading up on biology, since she'd skipped, and she figured her mom would be less harsh if she knew that Clarke had tried to make up for it. 

 

"Hey." She says walking in and sitting beside her daughter. "Did Raven and Octavia leave?" She asks - obviously they had but Clarke answers anyway. 

 

"Yeah, they had dinner though and we hung out and studied. Nothing too fun, I promise." Clarke says and Abby laughs. 

 

"You realise you're grounded, right?" Abby asks. 

 

"I figured as much." Clarke shrugs her shoulders. "I'm sorry mom, really I am, it won't happen again."  _ Probably,  _ Clarke adds in her head. She couldn't say if Lexa asked her again that she'd say no but she had to keep her mom happy somehow. 

 

"It's okay Clarke." Abby relents. "You're a good girl and I'm proud of you. I suppose an hour out of school wouldn't have hurt, you work really hard." Clarke smiles at her mom's praises. It was nice for mom to recognise that she worked hard because, sometimes, Clarke felt invisible to her since she seemed to be constantly working. Clarke places her textbook on the coffee table, in the centre of the living room, and turns to face her mom. 

 

“I think I’m going to go to bed.” She says and Abby smiles softly at her. 

 

“You should, it’s late.” Abby replies. Clarke stands up and trudges her way upstairs. She was exhausted and just ready for some well needed sleep. 

 

Clarke was woken by a light rapping on her window in the middle of the night. She looks to her right and checks the alarm clock to see that it's one in the morning. She groans and turns over in her bed when she hears the rapping again but this time it sounded an awful lot like knocking. Clarke had a large tree just outside her window, and the branches occasionally brushed against her window, but it'd never made that kind of sound before. Clarke sits upright, suddenly very much awake, her heart was pounding out of her chest at the idea that something could be lurking by her window - watching her. 

 

Clarke stands up and slowly makes her way towards the window. She pulls the curtains back sharply and jumps back when she sees Lexa staring at her, a huge smile on her face and her hand raised as though she was about to knock on the window again. Clarke frowns and opens the window so she can talk to the brunette. "Lexa what the hell?" Clarke asks angrily - she'd almost given her a heart attack. 

 

"Clarke!" The brunette exclaims happily. Clarke didn't miss the slight slur to her words and how much the big smile on her face resembled that of a drunk smile. "I'm so happy you're awake." She says. Clarke grabs Lexa - gently - and pulls her in through the window afraid that her drunken swaying would cause her to fall. 

 

"I wasn't awake." Clarke says helping Lexa stand. 

 

"Oh." Lexa says frowning. "I'm sorry." She apologises. 

 

" _ Shh _ ." Clarke scolds - her mom was asleep only just down the hall. "You need to be quiet." Lexa laughs and nods her head in understanding. Clarke closes the window and turns back to Lexa who was shrugging her leather jacket off. "You climbed a tree drunk?" Clarke asks in disbelief: not only was that incredibly stupid but Lexa had injured her shoulder only twenty four hours ago. 

 

"I thought it would be romantic." Lexa replies. "Like that dude off Twilight." Clarke raises an eyebrow, she found it entertaining that Lexa had watched Twilight but she was trying to scold Lexa for her stupidness, not mention how cute she was. 

 

"Where the hell is your sling Lexa?" Clarke asks only just realising she wasn't wearing it. "You'll only hurt your shoulder more." Though that was true Clarke doubted that Lexa could feel any pain given the state she was in. 

 

"I heal fast." Lexa says dismissively. Lexa stumbles a few steps and Clarke steadies her by wrapping her arms around her waist. "Clarke." Lexa says quietly and Clarke looks into her green eyes that were slightly hazy from the alcohol she had obviously consumed. "I really like you." Clarke's breath hitches slightly, Lexa was drunk, she probably wouldn't even remember confessing such a thing, but Clarke couldn't help but feel her heart flutter at the confession. 

 

"I like you too Lexa." Clarke replies casually choosing not to read too much into the comment - she'd bring it up to her in the morning. 

 

"No Clarke, I mean you're amazing." Lexa says in wonderment. 

 

"Ah hah." Clarke says amusedly while she slips Lexa's boots off of her feet. 

 

"You're so beautiful, do you know that?" Lexa asks. "And I'm just the biggest messed up person ever. You deserve the best Clarke and only the best." Lexa says. Clarke shakes her head ignoring Lexa but also feeling herself smile at the compliments. She crosses the room, turning her back on Lexa for only a second, to lock her bedroom door. She didn't want her mom accidentally walking in on her having Lexa in her room - even if it was involuntary. When Clarke turns back around she witnesses Lexa unbuttoning her jeans and slowly pulling them down. 

 

"W-what are you doing?" Clarke asks looking away from Lexa. 

 

"I'm hot." Lexa complains.  _ Tell me about it _ , Clarke says sarcastically in her head. 

 

"Just get in the bed will you?" Clarke says and Lexa discards her pants across the room before slipping under the covers. She snuggles into the pillow and inhales the scent of Clarke; she sighs contentedly, her drunken mind calming considerably. Clarke watches her for a few minutes as she drifts off to sleep and sighs to herself. She looks at the uncomfortable desk chair that awaited her - she was just glad it was the weekend. 

 

Clarke woke up with a crick in her neck and a stiffness in her back. Lexa was sound asleep in her bed and ,if Clarke wasn't mistaken, she seemed to be cuddling an alarm clock in her arms. Clarke laughs a little at the sight of Lexa passed out with an alarm clock to her chest and her face looking completely innocent. This girl was something else and that's what had Clarke wanting to get to know her more... after she killed her for scaring the hell out of her last night and banishing her to an uncomfortable desk chair. 

 

Clarke exits her room, closing the door behind her, and makes her way downstairs. She was relieved to see her mom gathering her things into her bag. Abby stops when she sees Clarke leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. "Hey sweetie." Abby greets. "I just have to go shopping to get some groceries, I swear Octavia and Raven can eat twice their body weight in food." Abby says and Clarke laughs. 

 

"They're growing." Clarke jokes with a smile. Abby smiles at her daughter and gives her a small hug on her way to the front door. 

 

"Remember you're grounded!" Abby calls. "But I imagine Raven and Octavia will be coming over anyway." She says and even though Clarke can't see her mom anymore, as she's halfway out the door, she could tell she was smiling. Abby was like a second mother to her friends especially Raven whose mother was an alcoholic who never bothered with her. 

 

Clarke walks back up the stairs and opens her bedroom door to see Lexa still asleep. She sits on the edge of the bed and softly shakes Lexa's arm. "Lexa." Clarke says gently. "Time to wake up you asshole." Lexa groans and throws the pillow over her head in an attempt to block out the sound that was causing her to stir. "Lexa." Clarke says a little more sternly and Lexa's eyes snap open. She's momentarily blinded by the light and she was aware that, in one of her arms, she seemed to be cradling something quite hard and uncomfortable to her chest. 

 

Lexa sits up and the pillow falls from her face; Clarke grins at her knowing that the brunette probably had one of the worst hangovers in the history of hangovers. "Why am I cuddling an alarm clock?" Lexa asks turning her head to look at the blonde.  _ More importantly how and why was she in Clarke's bedroom? Not even her bedroom but her bed? _ Clarke laughs and takes the clock from Lexa's grasp and sets it down back onto her nightstand. 

 

"I guess you must have picked it up in your drunken sleep." Clarke says her previous anger was gone, replaced by amusement, especially at the site of Lexa's hair being disheveled and disoriented. 

 

"Oh god." Lexa mentally face palms. She had a tendency to do stupid things when she was drunk but this was extreme. She could barely remember anything that had happened. She remembered talking to Clarke but she couldn't remember what she had said. "Wait, did you take my pants off?" Lexa asks suddenly aware that she had no pants on just her underwear. 

 

"No that was all you, something about you being hot." Clarke answers and Lexa felt like she wanted to dig a hole and bury herself in it. This wasn't the first time she had gotten drunk off her ass and she very much doubted it would be her last. 

 

"Did I do anything else embarrassing like, I don't know, flash you or something?" Lexa asks squinting at Clarke. Clarke laughs but shakes her head no in response. 

 

"Although you did admit to watching Twilight." Clarke recalls and Lexa's eyes widen. 

 

"That's one of my darkest secrets." Lexa says sarcastically. "Seriously though, if you tell anyone I will have to kill you." Clarke laughs again, she liked how easy it was to talk to Lexa, conversation just flowed between them, there was no awkwardness - even if Lexa was practically half naked in Clarke’s bed after sneaking in through the window in the middle of the night. 

 

"Lexa?" Clarke asks after a small silence. Her tone of voice indicated to Lexa that she was serious about whatever she was about to tell her. "Why were you drunk?" Lexa sighs and leans her head against the headboard. 

 

"Nia stole my bike so I stole it back. I was out celebrating my victory. I must have gotten a little too big for my boots, probably challenged Lincoln to a drinking contest, and then I don't know why I came here." That was a lie, Lexa knew exactly why she had come to Clarke. "I guess you helped me the first time so my mind just thought you'd help me again." 

 

"So I'm like your safe haven?" Clarke asks with a cheeky grin. Lexa smiles at Clarke's suggestion. 

 

"I guess so." Lexa replies. Clarke gently takes Lexa's hand in her own and squeezes it. 

 

"Hey, if you ever need someone to talk to, or just some place to escape, then I'll be more than happy to be your safe haven." Clarke says sweetly causing a warmth to rip through Lexa’s chest - she hadn't felt this way about anyone in a really long time which was worrying. She'd always said head over heart but Clarke was different... Clarke was special. 

 

"Um, I gotta pee." Lexa says slipping her hand out from under Clarke's - she couldn't let herself fall for the blonde anymore than she already had. That was dangerous, not just for herself, but Clarke especially with Lexa's lifestyle. 

 

"Oh, bathroom's down the hall and on your left." Clarke tells her standing up from the bed. She didn’t feel like bringing up the whole ‘I really like you’ thing, she’d wait for sober Lexa to say that, and besides it was pretty obvious she didn’t remember. Lexa stands up too and Clarke's eyes widen at seeing Lexa only in a t-shirt: her long legs looked absolutely stunning and Clarke couldn't bring herself to look away. Lexa smirks at Clarke's obvious checking out but she wasn't embarrassed - she was arrogant like that. She exits the bedroom and Clarke makes her way down the stairs again, trying to shake the image of Lexa pantless, in her room, from her mind but it was harder than she thought. 

 

Clarke pulls out the ingredients she needed to make pancakes and begins making the mixture, only pausing when she hears Lexa enter the kitchen and sit down at the dining table - and, of course, she'd put her pants back on. Lexa watches Clarke carefully as she concentrated on making the pancakes; she found it adorable how the blonde had to get the measurements exactly and somehow she had managed to get flour on her cheek. Lexa had been planning on leaving once she'd used the bathroom but she just couldn't bring herself to do it - not when Clarke was making her breakfast. Clarke curses under her breath and Lexa laughs. She stands up and peers over Clarke's shoulder at the pancake she had in the pan. "Ouch, what did that pancake ever do to you?" Lexa asks and Clarke turns around to hit Lexa playfully on her - good - shoulder. She'd managed to burn one side of the pancake while the other side remained untouched. "Alright, move aside blondie, let the master handle this." Lexa says cracking her knuckles in an overly excessive way. Clarke rolls her eyes but nevertheless steps out of the way for Lexa to take over. 

 

Lexa was much better than Clarke at cooking the pancakes, clearly Clarke needed to practice more, but then again Lexa looked so calm and relaxed that she found it quite entertaining and cute to watch - plus, maybe Clarke was a little disappointed that Lexa had put her pants back on? Just a little though. 

 

Once Lexa had expertly cooked all the pancake mix she places the dish in the middle of the table and sits down in the seat across from Clarke. "That's how it's done." Lexa says with a wink. Clarke laughs and takes a pancake from the plate. 

 

"We’ll just see won't we?" Clarke asks sarcastically. She takes a bite of the pancake and she had to admit that they were cooked to perfection but she was too stubborn to admit it. "Well, I mean, it's purely down the fact that I made the mix." Clarke argues. 

 

"There's nothing wrong with admitting that it's the best pancake you've ever had Clarke. I tend to be the best at everything I do." Lexa says playfully. 

 

"Wow, full of yourself much?" Clarke asks but she found that somewhat alluring. They eat in silence for few minutes before Lexa breaks it. 

 

"I assume your mother doesn't know I stayed?" Lexa asks quietly. Clarke looks up, noticing that Lexa's cockiness was gone and she had a neutral look on her face. All joking aside, she wanted to be sure she hadn't got Clarke into trouble. 

 

"No, I think she would have freaked less when you showed up here with a dislocated shoulder." Clarke says with a small laugh. "If she found you in my bed... I don't know what she would have done." Lexa plays with her food for a moment, not connecting eyes with Clarke. "I just mean, my mom knows I'm bisexual, and I'm kind of still a- that doesn't matter, erm, but she would have freaked and, she probably would have kicked you out, which would have been a shame because I would have missed out on these pancakes and I-" 

 

"Clarke." Lexa interrupts with a smile. "You're rambling again." Clarke blushes slightly. Lexa always made her ramble which she tended to do when she was nervous. 

 

"Sorry." Clarke apologises. 

 

"Don't say you're sorry, I think it's cute." Lexa admits instantly becoming flustered - she wasn't very good at being in close quarters with the blonde. "Um, speaking of your bed, where exactly did you sleep?" Lexa asks curiously. 

 

"On the office chair across the room." Clarke answers. 

 

"What? I didn't mean to kick you out of your bed, you should have just let me pass out in the chair, I was drunk enough, I wouldn't have noticed." Lexa says feeling incredibly guilty about forcing Clarke out of her bed. "Or you could have slept next to me, I wouldn't have minded." Clarke shrugs in response. 

 

"It wasn't that bad, my chair's incredibly comfy." Lexa raises an eyebrow at the blonde. "Okay, it's incredibly  _ uncomfy  _ but I didn't mind. You seemed like you needed the bed more." Clarke says lightheartedly, even if she had been a little annoyed about it last night, she just couldn't bring herself to be mad at Lexa now. Lexa nods her head in understanding when the front door opens. Clarke's eyes grow wide and her heart stops in her chest when she hears a voice call out in a sing song tone. 

 

"Yo Clarkey, it's R-dog and the O beast." Clarke rolls her eyes and Lexa has to stifle her laughter. 

 

"Why are we even friends with you?" Octavia asks Raven her voice echoing down the hallway. 

 

"I smell food." Raven says ignoring Octavia's question. The pair halt when they see Clarke sitting at the table with Lexa by her side and a pile of pancakes in the centre of the table. 

 

"Um." Octavia says a little awkwardly. "Hey." Lexa stands up and slips her boots on. 

 

"Hey." She greets Octavia. She'd met Raven before and she'd seen Octavia around school. "I was just leaving, don't let me interrupt." Lexa slings her jacket over her shoulder wincing in pain. She'd forgotten about the strain she'd put it under last night with the whole tree climbing and fighting. 

 

"You don't have to go." Clarke says. 

 

"No, I should leave, my sister has texted me a bunch of times and, if I don't check in with her, she'll probably kill me." 

 

"Clarke didn't make the food did she?" Raven asks interrupting them. Lexa smiles slightly and shakes her head in answer. "Good, then maybe I won't die." Raven sits down and grabs a bunch of pancakes. Octavia was still eyeing Lexa suspiciously but she could totally see why Clarke was attracted to her - especially with the leather. 

 

"I'll walk you out." Clarke says standing up and following Lexa to the front door. "I don't know what you did with that sling but you need to put it back on for at least a whole week. It should be longer but I have a feeling you won't like that." Lexa laughs - Clarke knew her better than she thought. 

 

"Yeah." Lexa agrees. "Listen, thank you, for everything, for dealing with my drunk ass and letting me stay here when you really didn't have to." 

 

"Lexa, I meant what I said, you can always come to me." Clarke says seriously and Lexa nods. 

 

"I'll see you later Clarke." Lexa says with a smile. 

 

"I hope so." Clarke replies feeling herself blush. _ Did she really just say that out loud? _ Lexa smiles wider and kisses Clarke on the cheek in a way that could be seen as a friendly goodbye but she lingered a little longer to give it at least a double meaning. Lexa was good at teasing Clarke, and she was good at making Clarke squirm, she kept the blonde on her toes which was both infuriating but also what Clarke found endearing about the brunette. Clarke watches Lexa until she disappears and let's out a deep breath. No way was she going to survive this crush. Lexa Woods was going to be the death of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My favourite part to write was drunk Lexa and also Lexa making pancakes and Clarke subtly checking her out while she did so.
> 
> Sorry for any Spelling and/or grammar mistakes.


	3. Lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia and Raven are their annoying and sarcastic selves while Lexa's in trouble for being gone all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more of a filler, there's a lot of Lexa stuff, which is quite heavy, and a little Clexa at the end. Again thank you for all the kind comments and feedback on the last chapter I loved reading them :) Enjoy!

Clarke comes back into the kitchen to see Raven stuffing her face with pancakes and Octavia looking at her expectantly. "So what exactly was gangster girl doing here?" Octavia questions. 

 

" _ Lexa _ ." Clarke corrects again - she didn't like the nickname Octavia had made up for Lexa; it was unflattering and made her sound like she was some brute who didn't have feelings which Clarke knew wasn't the case. "And she may or may not have shown up last night." Raven's eyes widen when she hears that news and she quickly swallows the mouthful of pancakes she had shovelled into her mouth. 

 

"Excuse me, but are you saying what I think no you're saying?" Raven asks. When she receives no answer from Clarke she let's out a loud laugh. "You dog Clarke! Who would have known you were a booty call kind of girl." Raven jokes she knew that Clarke probably hadn't slept with Lexa but watching her friend blush furiously certainly was worth insinuating so. 

 

"We didn't sleep together!" Clarke protests. "She just kind of showed up." Clarke shrugs. Octavia leans back in her chair and raises an eyebrow. 

 

"She just kind of showed up? Where? And how did she get past your mom?" Octavia asks. Clarke rolls her eyes at her friend's probing, she knew Octavia was just curious but she didn't feel like sharing. 

 

"Well, she kind of snuck in through my window." Clarke replies and Raven drops her fork. 

 

"I'm sorry,  _ what _ ?" Raven asks. "That's creepy as hell." 

 

"It is a little strange but, honesty, I could totally see Lexa doing something like that." Octavia agrees with Raven. Clarke snaps her fingers drawing their attention back on herself. 

 

"She was drunk, she thought it'd be romantic, or something." Clarke shrugs and slumps down in another seat in front of both Octavia and Raven. 

 

"Romantic like psycho? Girl's got some serious issues." Raven says. "But if she made these pancakes then I'd marry her too, they're really fucking good." Octavia rolls her eyes and looks at Clarke properly. Clarke always did find Octavia a little intense and she found it hard to lie to her. 

 

"Tell us everything." She demands. Clarke recounts the events that had happened last night and this morning - excluding the personal details like Lexa labelling Clarke as her safe haven. 

 

"Oh, and she may have admitted like she liked me, but I don't think she remembered and I didn't want to be awkward." Clarke adds. Raven sits back in her seat slightly overwhelmed by the eventful night it sounded like Clarke had had. Octavia looks at Raven for a split second before turning back to Clarke. 

 

"Why didn't you ask her?" Octavia asks. 

 

"What?" Clarke asks surprised by Octavia's question. She thought she'd been against them having any kind of relationship, telling her to be ‘careful’. "I didn't ask because I-" Clarke falters, she didn't really have any excuse other than the fact that Lexa hadn't remembered and she had wanted sober Lexa to admit her feelings to her. 

 

"I can't believe she stayed in your bed and you did literally nothing with her." Raven says and Octavia rolls her eyes. 

 

" _ Raven _ ." Octavia scolds giving the brunette a glare. "I think it's pretty clear she likes you." She adds turning back to Clarke. Clarke contemplates this for a while; she knew she was attracted to Lexa, there was definitely some kind of connection between them, something she couldn't ignore. 

 

"You're practically wifed, looking after her when she's drunk, how very domestic of you." Raven teases lightly.

 

"Shut up Reyes." Clarke grumbles. The only worrying thing was that Clarke wouldn't mind looking after Lexa -  _ she didn't mind _ \- but there was a nagging in her head that told her there was more to her story than just a girl who was troubled. There was something else, something deeper, and Clarke was going to chip away at that wall until she figured it out.

 

Lexa arrived back home at ten am. She tried to sneak back into the house, to hopefully avoid the wrath of her sister, but Anya was waiting for her. As soon as the door closed Anya's voice, clear as day, rang out. "You are so dead." Anya growls. "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?" Lexa turns around and let's out a groan of annoyance - she really didn't want to listen to Anya's lecture. "You're an absolute idiot, do you know that? And poor Lincoln, he turns around to pay for your drinks, which we'll get to later, for a second and when he turns back around you're gone. He freaked. He thought the Azgeda had kidnapped you for your newest stunt that you pulled. You have no idea how pissed Indra is. I've never seen her so angry." Anya rushes out clearly angry herself. Lexa crosses her arms across her chest and raises an eyebrow at her sister. 

 

"Are you done?" Lexa asks board of the conversation. Anya narrows her eyes at Lexa, her little sister was quickly becoming a handful. 

 

"No I'm not  _ done,  _ but I'll have to save the big sister talk for later. Indra wants to talk to you." Anya gestures towards the office door next to Lexa and gives her little sister her best scowl she could muster before walking off - she needed to hit something before she decided to take it out on Lexa personally. Lexa sighs and looks at the office door, if she was completely honest, Indra scared her a little, her aunt was understanding, loyal and caring but boy when she was angry - let's just say Lexa liked to keep a safe distance. 

 

She enters the office, not bothering to knock since Indra probably heard Anya's incessant yelling, and closes the door when she steps inside. Indra was sitting at her desk, her hands resting on top of it, and her brown eyes staring dead at Lexa. A chill ran down Lexa's spine but she refused to let Indra intimidate her. It was silent for so long: long enough to make Lexa squirm and for the atmosphere to become suffocating. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Indra asks raising an eyebrow. Lexa internally groans - she didn't need speeches from anyone. When Lexa doesn't reply Indra continues. "Why do you do this Lexa? I want what's best for you and you just throw it back in my face." Indra had a sad expression on her face. She had hoped to shield Lexa from their life, to get her an education so she could actually become something, but the young girl just always seemed to her herself into trouble no matter what. "You shouldn't be out drinking and you certainly shouldn't be on Azgeda territory. Nia will surely retaliate." 

 

"Good. Let her." Lexa says unamused. "I don't give a fuck what the ice bitch has planned and I definitely don't give a fuck what you want for me." Lexa says angrily. 

 

"Lexa-" Indra begins. 

 

" _ No _ !" Lexa protests. "You're not my mom, so stop thinking you are! She's dead, and sometimes... sometimes I..." _ I wish I was too, _ Lexa lets her thought go unspoken, tears threatening to spill, and Indra turns her head to the side in confusion. Lexa's words stabbed at her heart like a knife. She wasn't her mother but she was her aunt and she knew that her sister would never want this to happen to Lexa. 

 

"No, I'm not your mom, but I promised her that I'd look out for you if anything should happen to her. You're reckless and impulsive behaviour last night are not what I expect from you. You trespassed into Azgeda territory and you disappeared for a whole night, we thought you were in a ditch somewhere, do you have any idea how scared we were?" Lexa breathes out in exasperation, she just felt like no one here understood her, she felt like she needed to escape for a little while. Indra rises and puts on her most stern tone she could muster. "You will go to school and you will listen to what I have to say, is that clear?" She asks leaving no room for argument. Lexa straightens up and narrows her eyes at her aunt. 

 

"Yes ma'am. Whatever the hell you want." Lexa pulls the door open violently and slams it closed behind her. All the yelling had attracted the attention of her sister, who was staring at an angry Lexa with concern, but Lexa just let out a long sigh in annoyance before she ran out the front door. She just needed a little time on her own and she knew exactly where she wanted to go. 

 

Lexa was sitting in a tree, apparently she liked to climb trees, except this one was special to her. She runs her fingers along the bark of the branch she was sitting on. Her fingers fall into the smooth inscription that she'd carved only a year prior to this very moment with her pocket knife. "Lexa." She hears Anya call from the base of the tree. Lexa had her knees pulled up to her chest with her chin resting on top of her knees. She wasn't afraid of falling - maybe she wanted too. "Don't make me climb up there." Anya says again interrupting Lexa's peace. She hears Anya curse and, when she hears no more responses, Lexa assumes she's climbing up. 

 

Lexa flicks her pen knife out and drags the tip of it through the bark that read 'Costia + Lexa'. She hadn't been to this tree for a while and she hated the fact that it still had that carved into it. Lexa still remembered showing Costia the tree: how she'd told her that it was special to her and she only shared it with those who were closest to her. There was a reason why the tree was so sacred to her, other than the view it gave her of the nearby coast, it was where her mom used to take her when her father had been too busy to take notice of her. ' _You're an attention seeker Alexandria, just like your father_.' Her mom had said on days when Lexa begged to leave the house to do something fun. She'd been young and naïve back then, not understanding what her parents actually did, well, what her father actually did. Sure she'd seen him come home a few times sporting bruises on his knuckles but she'd never thought about it too much - until she reached ten years old and her father decided it was time she learned to defend herself. Lexa assumed it had been merely the fact that she was his daughter and he wanted her to be safe but it was more for training her to be the fighter she was today - now she was more handy with a gun than she was with a pen. 

 

She plays with the rope tied around the thick branch that she was sitting on, a tyre swing, something her mother had built for her. This was a place that Lexa could come when she felt lonely. Her mother never wanted her to be involved in the life her father was living but now, well, things were different now. Lexa was lonely, she hid it well behind her arrogance and confidence, but there was only so much loneliness one person could take. She missed her parents - her mom especially - and this was the only place she felt like she was close to them. 

 

Lexa remembered when she'd been diagnosed with ADHD and her mom had shrugged it off and told her that made her even more special. Now the only good her ADHD did for her was make  it hard to concentrate and made her make stupid decisions, like getting into fights, it also didn’t help her with her anger issues either. Lexa's reminiscing was interrupted when her sister, panting and covered with a light sweat, pulls herself beside her. "I thought you'd be here." Anya says softly. She knew Lexa had these moments, she'd been around to witness it more than once. 

 

"Go away Anya." Lexa says dismissively wanting to be alone but also craving some sort of attention -  _ you're an attention seeker Alexandria _ . 

 

"Hey, no, you don't get to say that to me." Anya says scooting closer to her little sister. "Tell me what you're thinking about." Anya insists. 

 

"Mom." Lexa replies simply. "Dad. How I wish I hadn't asked for a ride." 

 

"Lexa,” Anya sighs, “you know it wasn't your fault." Anya says, her eyes full of concern. 

 

"If I hadn't, then they wouldn't have been shot on their way to pick up their stupid daughter who was too drunk to realise she'd wandered into Azgeda territory." Lexa replies monotone, void of any emotion. "Nia. I told her that my parents were coming to pick me up, I didn't know she was Azgeda, and Costia-" Lexa chokes on her words and buries her head in her arms not wanting her sister to see her cry. 

 

"Lexa stop." Anya insists. "It wasn't your fault." She repeats. They stay silent for a moment - the only sound between them the soft sniffles of Lexa trying to compose herself. Anya smiles sadly and pulls Lexa in for a side hug to offer her some kind of comfort. "Remember when you told mom that you thought you had something wrong with you?" Anya asks with a small smile. "Because you said that boys kind of disgusted you but you always seemed to find the girls insanely beautiful." Anya adds. Lexa smiles a little at the memory, she'd told her when they'd been swinging on the tyre swing, Lexa had been so afraid that something about her wasn't right - girls weren't supposed to like girls. "She told you that there was nothing wrong with you. She said that, although you were already special, this just made you extra special... unique." Anya continues. 

 

"She said that I should always remember that I'm special and that, whenever I was afraid of something, I could always come to her." Lexa carries on. 

 

"So that's why you come to the tree." Anya finishes. 

 

"That's why I come to the tree." Lexa confirms. She felt calm, she couldn't exactly explain it. It was also ironic, she found, the tree was rooted to the ground while Lexa felt like she was falling apart at the seams. 

 

"I know you miss them Lexa, I do too, but Indra just wants what's best for you, for  _ us _ ." Anya says squeezing Lexa gently. 

 

"I know." And she did know, maybe it was just her overactive brain causing her to act out, hell, maybe she was still grieving, but for some reason she didn't want to listen to Indra she just wanted to do whatever she wanted - no matter the consequences. 

 

"So stop pushing her away, mom wouldn't want that,  _ I _ don't want that." Anya says. "Lexa, I love you, and I will always protect you no matter what." Lexa stays quiet for a moment before feeling her walls rebuild themselves. 

 

"Wow Anya, and I'm supposed to be the gay one." Lexa says sarcastically. Anya pushes her head in a playful way causing them both to laugh. 

 

"You're such an asshole." Anya mutters but her smile took all the bite out of her words. Her eyes settle on the words that had once been carved into the branch, unreadable now, but Anya knew what had once been there. "I'm sorry about Costia." Anya says. They'd never really talked about what had happened between them. 

 

"It doesn't matter." Lexa brushes off expertly. "She made her choice." Anya nods her head in understanding. She knew that wound had cut her deeply but she didn't feel like making her sister any more of an emotional disaster than she already was. 

 

"Come on kiddo, I've got to get you home.” Anya tells her. "Oh, and by the way, Indra's taken your keys away from you for two weeks." Lexa frowns and Anya begins her descent. 

 

"Wait." Lexa says. " _ What _ ?"  _ The hell she did.  _

 

The next time Clarke saw Lexa was in English class. Until then there had been lingering looks and secret smiles but nothing more. Clarke found herself watching Lexa when she wasn't paying attention and, for some reason, her mind had decided to begin to draw the beautiful brunette in as much detail as she could but it was completely impossible to capture her beauty. Lexa was tapping her pen on her desk and occasionally her foot would tap too and she'd glance around but, ultimately, she was pretty focused on the lesson.  _ She liked English, _ Clarke notes. she had seen Lexa in classes like bio and seen that she didn't pay much attention but in English she actually tried to listen. Lexa turns her head and connects eyes with bright blue ones that still managed to take her breath away. "Are you even taking notes?" Lexa asks with a smirk. She knew full well Clarke wasn't, it was obvious she had been drawing but what she didn't know because Clarke expertly managed to flip it over before Lexa had a chance to see. 

 

"Of course I am." Clarke says dismissively and, for the first time during the lesson, she turns to face the front. 

 

"No you weren't." Lexa teases. "You were drawing but I couldn't see what. If it was something dirty Clarke, you don't have to be embarrassed." Lexa wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and Clarke scoffs at her feeling herself become flustered at the idea. 

 

"Who do you think I am?" Clarke asks incredulously and Lexa smirks at Clarke's obvious embarrassment. "I would never draw something inappropriate like that." Clarke adds, she hoped Lexa was picking up on her joking tone which Lexa totally was. She goes to reply when Marcus addresses everyone. 

 

"Alright, listen up everyone." He says clapping his hands together. "Assignments, you're to work together in pairs to discuss your different interpretations on Romeo and Juliet and then present them to the class." A chorus of groans surges through the room and Lexa rolls her eyes - she never was one for doing homework. "I've assigned you your partners and I've chosen people who I think will have a differ in opinion." Marcus begins rolling off names in what seemed like random order until Lexa heard Marcus say her name. "Lexa woods and Clarke Griffin." Clarke freezes and Lexa grins - maybe she could get on board with this homework thing after all. 

 

Clarke quickly packs her things up, hoping to hide her drawing, and Lexa stands up next to her. "Alright, when are you going to show me that drawing?" Lexa asks following the blonde out of the room. 

 

"How about never?" Clarke asks with a sarcastic smile. 

 

"Oh c'mon sunshine, don't be like that." Lexa protests nudging her on the arm. "I promise I won't tell anyone about what you draw during English." Lexa says placing her hand on her chest in a mocking way. Clarke shakes her head - sometimes Lexa was annoying. "Relax Clarke, I'm kidding, you don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable sharing with me." Lexa says seriously - mostly because she knew just how hard it was to open up. 

 

"Thanks." Clarke mutters quietly. When she reaches her locker she was aware that Lexa was still standing beside her which puzzled her. "Something you need?" Clarke wonders. Lexa leans against the lockers and watches as Clarke enters her combination but she never really took it in. 

 

"You heard we were study buddies right?" Lexa asks. "I figured we could study at your place, my house is a little... Loud." Lexa settles with the word loud rather than having to explain how she really felt it was like. Clarke pauses and raises her head to look at her. 

 

"You know where I live right?" Clarke asks, obviously being sarcastic. 

 

"Very funny blondie." Lexa replies finding herself laughing a little at Clarke's response. "So do you want me to show up unannounced? I mean, I know that’s pretty much my style but..." Lexa trials off, not knowing what she was about to say. Clarke grabs a piece of paper from her locker and scribbles her number down on it. 

 

"Here, my number, you can call me before you come over if you like." Clarke says. Just then Raven and Octavia come up behind the pair and Lexa expertly slips the paper into her leather jacket pocket concealing the fact that Clarke had giver her her number. Raven grins at the sight of the pair whereas Octavia still seemed weary. 

 

"I'm Octavia by the way." She holds her hand out to Lexa who takes it with a polite smile. 

 

"Lexa." She answers even though she knew Octavia must know. 

 

"Lexa!" A voice calls down the hallway. All four girls snap their heads in the direction of the voice to see a youngish looking girl calling after Lexa. 

 

"Sorry, gotta run." Lexa says straightening up. "I'll see you later Clarke." Lexa says. Clarke still wasn't used to the way her name rolled off of Lexa’s tongue so smoothly and she certainly wasn't used to the feeling she got every time she heard Lexa say her name. 

 

"Oh my God, close your mouth Griffin, you're drooling on my new shoes." Octavia says causing Raven to snigger in laughter. 

 

"Yeah, horny drool." Raven adds and Clarke rolls her eyes at her two best friends - sometimes she felt like she could kill them. "So what did she say?" Raven asks, taking Lexa's place of leaning against the lockers. 

 

"Nothing really." Clarke says dismissively. "We have a project together so we're planning on meeting up." The blonde shrugs. Raven looks at Octavia with a raised eyebrow. 

 

"She's got it bad huh?" Raven asks. Octavia fakes a serious expression and turns to look at Clarke. 

 

"I'm afraid so yes." Octavia agrees. Clarke rolls her eyes and mentally face palms at their behaviour. In the back of her mind she was wondering who had called Lexa over and she was trying to ignore the small feeling in the pit of her stomach that felt suspiciously like jealousy. 

 

"Oh my god." Clarke mutters. "Shut the hell up." She walks away towards her next lesson and Raven and Octavia grin at each other before jogging to catch up to Clarke.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is study time for Clexa. They're about to talk about some real personal shit next chapter, well, Clarke is Lexa's gonna be Lexa I suppose. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Ps. Sorry for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes.


	4. Scum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke study and Clarke invites Lexa to a party. Oh, and Abby meets Lexa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter and drop a comment if you feel like it :)

Clarke was panicking. She'd spent lots of time with Lexa in her house - Lexa had even stayed over in her bed for crying out loud - but when Lexa had called and told Clarke she was coming over Clarke had become insanely nervous. She wasn't even sure why, just that the thought of spending time with Lexa alone in her house was making her feel a little lightheaded. A knock at the door causes Clarke to jump snapping her form her thoughts. She carefully makes her way to the front door and pulls it open to see Lexa waving goodbye to someone who was in a car. "Hey." Lexa greets stepping inside without asking for an invitation - Clarke just assumed that was her thing: barging in without an invitation. "I'm currently being punished so I had to catch a lift from my sister." Lexa informs turning around with a smile. "Are you okay?" She asks frowning when she notices Clarke's nervous expression. 

 

"I'm fine." Clarke says shaking her head. "So you’re grounded huh?" Clarke questions walking into the living room closely followed by the brunette. 

 

"I wouldn't say grounded, more of, I'm not allowed to leave the house unless absolutely necessary, punishment." Lexa replies settling on Clarke's sofa. 

 

"So grounded?" Clarke repeats and Lexa laughs. 

 

"Yeah grounded." Lexa confirms. Clarke studies Lexa for a moment, she seemed different today, her green eyes looked extra green and she could see that the brunette was completely free of worry - unlike most times she saw her. Lexa didn't miss Clarke's blue eyes watching her carefully. She always was more relaxed after she'd been to her quiet place but she wasn't ready to tell Clarke about that - not yet. 

 

Lexa pulls her notebook out of her bag and her copy of Romeo and Juliet which, to Clarke's surprise, looked mauled like it had been read multiple times. "You can ask what you're thinking." Lexa says not looking up but she could feel Clarke's growing curiosity like -  _ what was that saying again? _ \- like an elephant in the room. 

 

"You like Romeo and Juliet?" Clarke asks, scooting closer ever so slightly, she assumed that Lexa hated it - she spent pretty much all her spare time in English slandering it. 

 

"I think it's good literature." Lexa replies her eyes still fixed on sorting through her papers. "But I think it's a pretty shitty thing that happens." Clarke snorts at that and feels herself blush at the realisation that she had let that sound come out of her. Lexa looks up then and smiles slightly, she found it incredibly cute that Clarke had snorted it made her seem real which sometimes Lexa wasn't convinced she was. 

 

"Tell me what you think." Clarke says and Lexa eyes her suspiciously. "That's our assignment remember? Talk about our opinions, create a presentation." Clarke briefly recalls what Marcus had said in the lesson. Lexa sits back slightly and let's out a long sigh. She hated how much Romeo and Juliet mirrored her past relationship, that was the truth, and it was also why she was so sour when she had to study it. 

 

"I think it's pretty fucking stupid that in the end they end up killing themselves." Lexa mutters and Clarke bites the inside of her cheek. "This is a debate Clarke, you have to tell me how you feel." Lexa reminds her. Clarke found it mildly concerning that Lexa could see she had something on her mind, it meant she could see through her. 

 

"I don't know, I mean, it's never a good idea to kill yourself but they didn't feel like they could go on without each other." Clarke says with a shrug. Lexa lets out a sarcastic puff of laughter. 

 

"Life moves on." Lexa says too bitterly for it to have meant nothing. Clarke didn't want to overstep her boundaries but she did find herself wanting to know more about Lexa and this was a perfect opportunity to do so. "Life doesn't end after you lose someone." Lexa says quietly. Clarke moves closer to Lexa but keeps a safe distance between them. 

 

"I know." Clarke says softly and Lexa looks at her, rage disappearing, and her eyes become softer and calmer. 

 

"I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa says gently. "I've lost people too and I guess, it's just hard for someone like me to move on." 

 

"Someone like you?" Clarke asks confused. Lexa shifts slightly and plays with the pencil she had in her hand. 

 

"You know, someone who's completely broken, unlovable, and pretty much the scummiest of the scum." Lexa says like it was obvious. Clarke gapes at Lexa for a long moment, did she really believe that about herself? Did she really think she wasn't worth loving? 

 

"Okay, first of all, I'm pretty sure scummiest isn't a word." Clarke says and Lexa laughs - it actually was. "And secondly, you’re more than that Lexa. I've only really known you for almost a week and I already know you’re not unlovable and, hey, maybe we're all just a little broken." Clarke says the last part quietly and Lexa frowns. 

 

"You're broken?" Lexa asks genuinely surprised by the insinuation. Clarke shrugs a little, she felt like pretty much everybody had something they had to carry around with them whether that was a father's death, like her, or a lover's wound, there was always something you didn't want people to see from fear that they might run and Lexa felt the same way completely - it was why she built her walls - and Clarke had to just bide her time to knock them down. 

 

"I had a boyfriend, Finn, he was a really nice guy at first. He gave me things like necklaces and he'd make them himself." Clarke tells Lexa. "I thought he was the one, as cheesy as it sounds, and I... I was ready to take the next step with him but apparently he couldn't wait like he promised me he could and, he was screwing at least five other girls behind my back." Lexa feels her chest constrict and an anger bubble in her vines. "I was destroyed, didn't leave my room pretty much the whole summer, and then he moved away and Raven, one of the girls he's been seeing behind my back, got in touch. She said we could trade stories about how shit of a guy he was and we just kind of bonded. Now she's my best friend... but I've still got those trust issues." Clarke confesses. 

 

"If he ever comes back, don't hesitate to tell me so I can kick the shit out of him." Lexa says seriously - the guy sounded even scummier than she did. 

 

"My point is, good can come from the bad and sometimes the good is even better than you thought it would be." Clarke wasn't even bothering to link this to Romeo and Juliet, this was personal now, and she could see Lexa squirm in her seat at the idea of sharing. She didn't want to pressure the brunette into anything and she was about to tell Lexa that she didn't have to say anything when she spoke. 

 

"Her name was Costia." Lexa says grimly. "She, well, she was my best friend, my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first love, my first everything." Lexa says her heart aching. "But we were never meant to be." Lexa says grudgingly. 

 

"How come?" Clarke asks softly, she didn't want to overstep but Lexa looked like she was lost in thought anyway. 

 

"It's complicated,  _ really complicated _ , we were from two different worlds I suppose you could say and she chose to do something I could never forgive." Lexa says. She figured, why the hell not? She was already this deep into it she might as well go all the way. "She was Azgeda and I was Trikru, bad blood spilt between us for centuries, and we fucking fell in love didn't we? Stupid, irrational, me, I just had to get what I wanted and then, when I asked her to run away, when I said we could start our lives somewhere far away, she chose to stick by Nia and ripped my heart right out of my chest." Clarke was silent, letting that information sink in, she'd already suspected that Lexa was involved with Trikru, she just hadn't expected Lexa to be as broken as she apparently was. Clarke could tell that Lexa thought she, herself, wasn't capable of love but Clarke knew that was wrong. 

 

"That sounds like shit." Clarke comments and Lexa laughs only ever so slightly in response. "But you'll love again, there’s always more than one love, that's what they say right?" Lexa looks at Clarke then and Clarke notices that Lexa had tears brimming but she could see the determination on Lexa’s face to not let them fall. She laughs, unhumorously, and wipes her face composing herself. 

 

"Maybe I'm destined to die alone." Lexa says - like fucking Romeo and Juliet. 

 

"You feel lonely?" Clarke asks after a small pause.  _ Shit. _ Lexa hadn't meant to let that slip out, certainly not to the blonde haired beauty in front of her. She doesn't reply but rather stays silent. "Lexa?" 

 

"Only on the weekends." Lexa tries to joke to cover up her pain but Clarke wasn't an idiot - she saw right through it. "Um, can I use your bathroom or something?" Lexa asks wanting to just take a breather. Clarke nods her head, she could see Lexa's walls were back up, Lexa wasn't about to say anything more which was upsetting to Clarke especially after that last confession about her being lonely. 

 

Lexa takes off already knowing where the bathroom was. She closes the door and leans against it. _ 'You'll love again, there’s always more than one love, that's what they say right?' _ Clarke’s words ring through Lexa's head over and over again and she steps towards the sink to splash her face with the cool water. "Just calm down Lexa." Lexa stares at herself in the mirror: she was no longer relaxed and carefree and she had the overwhelming feeling she should just run - she liked to run away from her feelings, it made a lot of sense to her. She splashes her face once again scolding herself for having such a thought. This was Clarke: she was a gentle and kind soul, she was understanding and sweet -  _ so just try and not screw her up too bad, _ Lexa grumbles. She exits the bathroom and takes a deep breath she could do this.  _ No problem. No problem at all. _

 

Lexa walks down the stairs and enters the living room to see Clarke sitting closer to where Lexa had been sitting before. She had a wide smile plastered on her face that sent a warmth rushing through every cell of Lexa's body.  _ Problem, huge problem. _ Lexa sits down beside Clarke and the pair of them get to work forgetting about the fact that they had both had the all too familiar exes discussion.

 

Lexa stayed later than she probably should have but Clarke made her feel calm and welcome. "So I was wondering," Clarke speaks up, she was lying on the sofa, feet stretched out leaning on Lexa's lap, they'd finished their work a while ago but had just been enjoying each other's company. "when's your birthday?" Clarke asks. Lexa smiles slightly fiddling with the hem of her leather jacket sleeves. 

 

"Why? Do you think I'm too old for you Griffin?" Lexa teases lightly. "Soon." That was an incredibly vague answer but Lexa didn't want Clarke thinking she had to get her anything for her birthday. 

 

"How soon?" Clarke fires back. Lexa looks at her but the blonde was staring up at the ceiling too hard to notice. 

 

"Incredibly soon." Lexa retorts. 

 

"You're worse than Raven." Clarke mutters under her breath but Lexa manages to hear and she laughs. 

 

"Fine, it's March 3rd." Lexa relents unable to leave Clarke in a bad mood. "It's getting kind of late, maybe I should head home." Lexa suggests. Clarke sits up and grins happily at Lexa. 

 

"We should do this more often." Clarke says removing her feet from the sofa and standing up. Lexa frowns and follows Clarke's example - missing the fact that her bottle of medication had fallen out of her pocket. 

 

"What? Talk about Romeo and Juliet?" Lexa questions playfully. 

 

"No stupid, I mean hang out." Clarke replies. She notices the pill bottle resting on the couch and picks it up. The first thing she notices is the name ‘Alexandria Woods’ printed on it and then what kind of drug it was - adderall. Clarke knew about medication like this, her mom had treated plenty of people who needed it. Lexa didn't bother snatching the bottle back, or hiding it, she just watched Clarke stare at it for a moment. 

 

"Helps with my concentration." Lexa says when Clarke doesn't say anything. 

 

"Adderall." Clarke recalls. "You have ADHD?" 

 

"Can't you tell?" Lexa questions taking the bottle from Clarke's hand. Lexa sighs and pockets the orange bottle again. "It's not that bad anymore." Lexa shrugs. "I just took them because I was coming here to study, and I like to concentrate when I do English, plus I, well, I had a little problem with them in the past." 

 

"Yeah, like they're highly addictive." Clarke says and Lexa nods her head. "Sorry, I didn't mean to insult you." Clarke says thinking her words may have hurt Lexa more than she thought. 

 

"You didn't, you're right they are addictive and that's why Indra normally restricts me to only one pill a day, so I don't get addicted like I did before." Lexa was extremely hesitant when saying the word addicted, Clarke notices, and she couldn't help but feel like she wanted to know Lexa even more. Now, not only did she know about Costia but, she also knew about her illness that she had been dealing with ever since she was a kid and would for the rest of her life. "You okay Clarke?" Lexa's voice draws Clarke back to the present and she gives her a smile in response. 

 

"Sorry, I was just thinking." Clarke admits. "There’s a party next week, I think I'll be ungrounded by then to be able to go, so I was wondering if you would like to join me -  _ us -  _ Raven and Octavia will be there to." Lexa stares at her for a long moment her green eyes burning into Clarke's sky blue ones. 

 

"I don't know, I'm not much of party kind of girl." Lexa says hesitantly. 

 

"Really?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow. Lexa rolls her eyes but a playful smile tugs at the corner of her lips. 

 

"Okay, I'm a party girl, but if you can't tell I'm not very good when it comes to talking to people." Lexa says lightheartedly. 

 

"Who said you had to talk to people?" Clarke questions with a smile. "You can talk to me or Raven or Octavia." Clarke suggests. 

 

"I'm pretty sure Octavia hates me." Lexa says and Clarke shakes her head. 

 

"She doesn't hate you, she's just... cautious of you." Clarke says hesitantly. "If you come you can show her you're a pretty cool person." 

 

"I'm pretty sure she already knows I'm cool." Lexa replies. "I mean have you looked at me?" 

 

"Again, full of yourself much?" Clarke asks causing Lexa to laugh. "Just think about it okay?" Clarke says opening the door for Lexa to exit through. 

 

"Goodbye Clarke." Lexa says, stepping outside, throwing her a grin over her shoulder. 

 

"Goodbye Lexa." Clarke mumbles before closing the door. She really hoped Lexa would come.

 

**1 Week Later**

 

"You have to be home by eleven Clarke and I mean it." Abby says sternly - though she wouldn't actually be home to know if Clarke was late or not. 

 

"I promise mom, jeez." Clarke says rolling her eyes. After being let off the hook for her skipping school stunt Clarke figured everything would have cooled down but her mom seemed even more uptight than usual. She relents a little and let's out a sigh a smile gracing her lips. 

 

"Okay, I trust you. Now have fun and, since I assume you'll probably be drinking anyway, can you at least steer clear of drugs?" Abby asks playfully. "And call me if you need  _ anything _ ." Clarke rolls her eyes, again, at her mom's worrying. 

 

"So alcohol is okay but drugs aren't?" Clarke asks with a raised eyebrow. 

 

"Alcohol is harder to keep you away from but drugs I definitely don't want you mixed up in." Abby says leaning down and kissing Clarke on the forehead. "Stay out of trouble." Abby adds as the doorbell rings. Clarke knew that meant it wasn't Raven or Octavia, normally they just barged in, so when Clarke opens the door to see Lexa leaning against the doorframe casually she almost collapses. 

 

"What the hell are you doing here?" Clarke asks clearly confused - she had assumed Lexa would just make her way straight to the party. 

 

"Nice to see you too sunshine and, as much as I love the feeling of deja vu, I think you forgot to tell me where exactly this Bellamy person lives." Lexa says stepping inside. Clarke looks behind her becoming increasingly nervous, she didn't know why she was so nervous, Lexa was a friend her mom didn't have any reason to kick her out what so ever. 

 

"Who is it Clarke?" She hears her mom call down the hallway. This was it, this was the moment of truth, when her mom would meet Lexa, Clarke wasn't even sure why she was so scared - other than the fact that she really liked the brunette and didn't want her mom messing anything up or getting crazy ideas like banning her from seeing her. Clarke glances at Lexa and sees she's wearing her classic bad girl get up - _ and damn did it work for her _ \- but it would probably not have the desired effect Clarke wanted it to have on her mother. Abby stops dead in her tracks when she sees the brunette standing there and Lexa smiles widely. 

 

"Dr Griffin! So good to see you again." Lexa says happily.  _ Again? _ Clarke frowns looking between her mom and Lexa.  _ Did they know each other? _

 

"Lexa. I haven't seen you in a while." Abby says coming closer to them. "I thought maybe you'd given up on your treatment or maybe you'd given up getting yourself into bad situations." 

 

"I don't give up doc, I just find another way." Lexa shrugs and Clarke was stood completely dumbfounded.  _ Her mom and Lexa were friends? _ "I've been... good, better than before, that's why I stopped coming to therapy." 

 

"You never even tried going to therapy." Abby says with a shake of the head. "I made the appointment for you and you never showed." Lexa grins at Abby who couldn't help but smile back; she knew Lexa was a good kid - a good kid who got herself into trouble a lot for complicated reasons. 

 

"Sorry about that, I've been busy with school and stuff." Lexa says her voice hinting that she was joking. 

 

"Hm." Abby says unconvinced. "I assume this ‘stuff’ has been taking up most of your time rather than just school." Clarke just gaped at them her head snapping from side to side as Lexa and her mom talked like old friends.  _ Was she going insane? _

 

"Sorry to interrupt," Clarke says stopping her mom and Lexa's conversation. "but what exactly is happening right now?" Clarke asks. Lexa smiles at Abby and gestures for her to explain. 

 

"Lexa was one of my patients before I became a cardiac specialist." Abby explains. "I've patched up multiple injuries and..." Abby trails off looking at Lexa for permission to continue. 

 

"She knows about my ADHD." Lexa says smoothly, also her addiction but Lexa wasn't sure Abby would appreciate the fact that she told Clarke that she had had an addiction. 

 

"Right." Abby confirms with a nod of the head. Clarke found it a little ironic that both her mom and herself had patched Lexa up at some point. 

 

"Multiple injuries?" Clarke questions. 

 

"I know it's hard to believe but I'm an incredibly bad patient, I get a little testy, but Dr Griffin here gets a free pass." Mostly because she trusted Abby and also because she had a killer crush on her daughter. A loud honk of a horn signals that Raven had arrived probably with Octavia in the front. 

 

"You should go have fun." Abby encourages. "It was good to see you again." Abby says smiling at Lexa.

 

"Thanks Dr G, maybe I'll see you again." Lexa says stepping outside. Clarke turns around to face her mom confusion still evident on her face. 

 

"I thought I told you to stay out of trouble?" Abby asks though Clarke wasn't sure if she was serious or not - her mom was hard to read sometimes. 

 

"We're friends." Clarke decides to go with the idea that maybe her mom was saying she shouldn't be friends with Lexa. "She sits next to me in AP English." Abby nods her head and another honk of the horn tells Clarke that Raven was getting impatient. 

 

"Just,  _ be careful _ , Lexa's a good kid but she always seems to find trouble." Abby warns before turning around and walking back into the kitchen. Clarke wanted to argue that Lexa wasn't trouble but that wasn't exactly true; she had admitted to being Trikru, which any kind of gang business was trouble, but she just couldn't stay away from Lexa, there was just something about her. If Lexa always found trouble then how come she had found Clarke? Was Clarke trouble? 

 

Clarke climbs into the back seat of Raven's car, that she'd repaired herself, Lexa sat in the seat next to her playing nervously with her hands.  _ Lexa wasn't trouble, _ Clarke decides,  _ she was just different.. in a good way _ . "So Lexa, I heard you have a bike?" Raven says from her position at the wheel. Octavia let's out an audible groan at the mention of a vehicle knowing that Raven would probably launch into the mechanics of the whole thing and she really didn't want to sit and listen to Raven rant about the logistics of a fucking bike - _ it was a bike _ \- it's job was to move and that's all Octavia needed to know. 

 

"That I do." Lexa says. "But at the moment I've been banned from even touching it." 

 

"That sucks." Raven decides. "What did you do? Kill someone?" Raven says smiling mischievously while glancing at Lexa in the rear view mirror. 

 

"Something like that." Lexa replies casually. Clarke turns her head and stares at her causing both Raven and Lexa to laugh. 

 

"I'm joking blondie, apparently being out all night doesn't bode well for my aunt." 

 

"What if you told her you were out all night getting laid?" Octavia asks and Clarke groans. Her friends were insufferable but, for some odd reason, Lexa fit right in - probably because she was a sarcastic little shit herself who, apparently, was completely shameless. 

 

"Then that'd be a lie but I think she'd still kill me." Lexa replies. "So if we're going to your brother's, how come you're with Raven?" Lexa asks Octavia. 

 

"I stayed at Raven's last night." Octavia answers. "Since she apparently can't sleep without me." 

 

"You weren't supposed to say anything about that!" Raven protests jabbing Octavia in the side playfully causing the brunette to giggle at the contact. Lexa raises an eyebrow and looks to her right at Clarke who just gives her a look of understanding. She'd always thought Raven and Octavia had a thing but apparently they were either in denial or they were just super super close not to notice how their actions could be misconstrued as romantic rather than platonic. "Anyway, you might want to keep an eye on Clarke, I think Bellamy has a thing for her." Raven says with a sly grin. Octavia rolls her eyes at the mention of her brother's name. 

 

"Oh?" Lexa asks looking at Clarke. 

 

"Excuse me, Bellamy and I are just friends." Clarke protests - she'd hate to think Lexa thought they were anything more. 

 

"To be honest they’re both super huge dorks.” Octavia pipes up. 

 

"Yeah, and not the cute kind of dorks just the annoying kind that together every once in awhile to hang out and then annoy everyone else around them." 

 

"Isn't Bellamy in college?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Yeah but he's literally a big softie, you'd think he was a huge dick, which he kind of is, but he's cool, I suppose." Raven explains earning her a hit on the shoulder from Octavia. 

 

"My brother lets you stay at our place so you be nice." Octavia warns. Lexa assumed that meant Octavia's parents weren't in the picture whether that meant they were dead or abandoned two children didn’t matter either way, Lexa knew, it was never a good idea to ask about one's parents. Clarke scoots slightly closer to Lexa so she could talk quietly to her and not have Raven or Octavia listen in. 

 

"I don't have a thing for Bellamy and Bellamy doesn't have a thing for me." Clarke clears up. Lexa smiles slightly and looks at the blonde beside her. 

 

"It's alright if you do." Lexa says teasingly. "I know how tempting college boy's must be for young teenage girls." Lexa didn't know herself but she could imagine. 

 

"Don't be a jerk." Clarke huffs - Lexa fitted right into her tightly knit group a little too easily. Lexa scoots even closer to Clarke so their knees were touching which Clarke was very aware of. 

 

"I'm sorry." Lexa says softly. 

 

"We're friends." Clarke says referring to Bellamy. She turns her head to look at Lexa who was staring at her intently and Clarke tried not to squirm under the intensity of her gaze - or pay too much attention to the sparkle in her forest green eyes. " _ We're  _ friends." Clarke says in a whisper. Lexa turns her head to the side; she'd heard Clarke call her her friend before but something about the way she said it this time was different. 

 

"Are we?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow delicately. Before Clarke had a chance to reply Raven comes to a sudden stop jolting all three of her passengers forward. Clarke instinctively grabs hold of Lexa's thigh to steady herself and the brunette stiffens at the touch - or maybe it was more to do with the fact that she'd almost been launched through the air too. 

 

"Sorry." Clarke mutters retracting her hand and trying to hide the furious blush on her cheeks. Lexa was about to reply when Raven turns around to look at the pair. 

 

"Sorry about that. My baby may need her brakes looking at." Raven says innocently and Octavia gently smacks her over the back of the head. 

 

"Your  _ baby  _ is lucky it's even moving, have you seen this wreck?" Octavia exits the car before Raven has a chance to retaliate. Raven leaves the car herself jogging to catch up with Octavia. 

 

Lexa looks up at the apartment complex and debates whether or not she should go in; she wasn't one for parties and she didn't really know anyone except Clarke and her friends. "It's okay." Clarke says picking up on Lexa's tension. "Stick with me." Clarke gets out the car and Lexa follows her towards Bellamy's apartment.

 

Lexa was slightly tipsy but she was far away from being drunk. She had met Bellamy when they had arrived only slightly early for the party. He seemed nice enough, she could tell he was the alpha male kinda guy but that was okay since Lexa considered herself to be somewhat like that too. 

 

Lexa was sipping her vodka Coke, her eyes shamelessly travelling over Clarke's body as she talked to some guy - some guy that was being a little too flirtatious for Lexa's liking. She hears a low whistle behind her and when she looks to her left Raven comes up beside her with a huge mocking grin and wide eyes. Raven reminded Lexa of a kid in the way that she bounced around and always seemed to be smiling. "You know, you could actually go talk to her rather than just stare at people who are trying to chat her up. I mean the jealousy in your eyes may be cute but it's a little overbearing." Raven says sipping her drink which looked suspiciously a lot like water but Lexa assumed it was vodka neat. Lexa doesn't say anything but she turns to look at Raven, she found the girl intriguing, she felt like she was someone she could actually get used to. "Everyone always seems to have a crush on Clarke." 

 

"You do?" Lexa asks playfully. Raven snorts and shakes her head. 

 

"That's a little gross." Raven says pushing Lexa gently. Lexa frowns noticing that Raven was a little unsteady and her leg brace seemed to be out of alignment. "She's my best friend." 

 

"Ah-ha." Lexa says placing her cup down. She steps in front of Raven and examines her brace. "Did you knock this?" Raven looks down and curses under her breath, she hadn't even noticed, the alcohol probably helped numb the pin she felt when her brace wasn't working properly. 

 

"Probably." Raven admits. Lexa doesn't hesitate and she lowers herself to Raven's leg and gently makes sure the brace was back in place. "Wow, next time you touch me like that I might have to tell Clarke." 

 

"Shut up Reyes." Lexa says laughing. 

 

"You know for a gangster girl you seem to be awfully kind." Raven adds with a drunken smile. Lexa shakes her head scanning the room. 

 

"Gangster girl?" Lexa questions, she wasn't judging, pretty much everyone knew Lexa wasn't just your average teenage girl. 

 

"Octavia made it up herself." Raven says almost like she was proud of Octavia for making up the nickname. "Two o'clock, princess approaching." Raven says. Lexa frowns unaware of the nickname for Clarke and when she turns around to be greeted by blonde hair and a dazzling white smile Lexa feels her mouth run dry. 

 

"Hey, I was just going to head outside for a breather." Clarke informs them. 

 

"Last time you said that Octavia and I found you smoking pot with a bunch of college dudes." Raven chimes and Lexa laughs at the image. 

 

"That was one time!" Clarke protests with a deep frown. 

 

"I'll come with you." Lexa says; it was ten o'clock at night and Lexa didn't feel good about leaving Clarke alone outside. 

 

"Okay." Clarke smiles wider at Lexa's offer. "But could you bring me a drink?" Lexa nods her head and Clarke slips past the college kids dancing at the doorway and makes her way down to the alleyway outside. 

 

Lexa crosses the room and grabs another cup she didn't bother picking her drink back up because, knowing college kids, someone probably spiked her drink and she didn't feel like going through that again. She didn't know what Clarke wanted so she just grabbed any kind of liquor she could find and filled the red plastic cup half way. While she was busy getting a drink for Clarke she did notice someone suspicious-looking also slip out of the apartment which caused Lexa's stomach to tighten into a knot. At first Lexa tried to brush it off as an unreasonable snap judgement but, if she had learned anything, it was that she should trust her instincts. Lexa takes off, drink in hand, and pushes past the amount of kids that seemed to be making out - it was a little disgusting and she was certain some were doing make than just making out but she eventually made it outside. 

 

The silence that followed the door closing behind her was quite literally defending - she hadn't realised how loud it had been in inside. Lexa glances left, then right, no sign of the blonde caused a small amount of panic to rise in her chest. "Clarke?" Lexa calls out. "Clarke!" She calls out louder walking towards the alleyway that ran down the side of the apartment complex. 

 

"Lexa!" She hears Clarke call back and she hears a hint of fear in her voice. Lexa drops the drink rounding the corner of the alleyway to see a guy wearing a hoodie and holding a knife quite obviously threatening Clarke. He was mugging her, Lexa could tell, she'd, unfortunately, had experience doing it herself - an alleyway was a common area to choose. 

 

The guy turns around and Lexa's surprised to see he's quite young, sandy hair with blue eyes. Lexa was furious, her hands ball into fists right away and all she could see was red. It's not that Lexa hadn't been in a fight before, and even when the guy had a weapon and she didn't, she knew she could take him easily. He takes a nervous step back, seeing Lexa's eyes glow with rage and her heavy boots smack against the concrete, even Clarke had to admit she was a little frightened.

 

Lexa was in reaching distance of him when the kid realised he'd really fucked up. She shoves him harshly against the brick wall, grabbing his knife wielding hand and pressing it painfully as to make him drop it, while her other hand gripped his neck making it hard to breathe and gave her great leverage to hit him against the wall. He drops the knife but Lexa was pissed and when she was pissed there was no stopping her. She throw him to the ground and kicks him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him, before landing on top of him and hitting him repeatedly in the face. She could see his nose was bloody, and he was close to passing out after a good few hits, and Clarke was frozen in place. It was horrifying, seeing Lexa beat the crap out of someone, and she didn't look like she was going to stop anytime soon. Lexa just saw red, she couldn't see anything else, she was just so angry. "Lexa!" Clarke says regaining her consciousness. She rushes over to Lexa and stops her fist mid air. Lexa stops, her body tense and her green eyes still glowing with rage, but one glance up into Clarke's blue eyes was enough to make her rage disappear. It wasn't the concern in her blue eyes that shocked Lexa into stopping, it was the fear, Clarke was scared, either of her or for the boy's life but either way, Lexa hated being the cause of her fear. Lexa leaps up her whole body tense and on alert. 

 

"He was hurting you." Lexa stammers staring at her hands which were cut and bloody. Clarke was holding Lexa's wrists examining her clenched knuckles while simultaneously glancing up at Lexa's face with concern. The brunette couldn't believe what she'd done, how much anger she had felt, and, although Clarke was grateful, she was worried about what this would do to Lexa's mentality - she wasn't even looking at her she was staring at the boy who she'd almost beaten to death out of rage. Clarke steps over to the boy and checks him over: he was still breathing, thankfully, but she suspected he’d have at least a broken nose but nothing too serious that Clarke could see. She stands back up and approaches Lexa again and places her hands gently on her arms.

 

"Lexa, hey, listen to me." Clarke says running her hands along her arms and gripping them tightly. "Look at me Lexa." Clarke demands and the brunette's eyes flicker to Clarke's blue ones and she visibly relaxes, slightly, not enough for Clarke to be convinced she was healthy but enough for her to know she'd gotten through. 

 

"I wouldn't hurt you Clarke, I promise." Lexa says taking a step back. "I just... he was going to hurt you!" Lexa yells causing Clarke to flinch. 

 

"It's okay Lexa but we have to get out of here." Clarke takes her by the wrist again and tugs her gently out of the alleyway. Lexa stumbles over her feet, still a little baffled and confused, before she felt Clarke touch her cheek. "I’m going to help you but you have to come with me." Lexa nods her head, with one final glance back at the alley, she links hands with Clarke and begins running with her towards wherever she was leading her. She tried to ignore the dull throbbing in her knuckles and the blood that coated them - she wasn't sure if it was her blood or the boy's. 

 

Clarke gently wraps Lexa's hands in a bandage while the brunette stared straight ahead with a blank expression on her face. Clarke was worried, really worried, Lexa was so far gone, lost in her thoughts, that Clarke was concerned she'd just completely spaced out.  She'd cleaned up her knuckles and was now dressing them after she had lead Lexa up to her room. "Lexa will you please talk to me?" Clarke pleads finishing up the last bit. 

 

"I should go." Lexa says standing up as soon as Clarke was done - she couldn't risk taking any sort of comfort from the blonde from fear of breaking down. 

 

"Lexa wait." Clarke says grabbing her hand before she could leave the room. Lexa stares at her expectantly, waiting for her to say what she wanted to say. but Clarke says nothing but rather pulls Lexa in for a tight hug. Lexa tenses feeling Clarke's arms wrap around her waist and her head lean against her chest - it was both foreign and familiar to the brunette. Her eyes were wide but she feels her arms wrapping around Clarke's body, pulling her impossibly close, and burying her head into the blonde's shoulder - she wasn't even sure if she had told them to do that or if they just had a mind of their own. Lexa cried, she didn't do it often but it had been so long since someone had hugged her - had held her - like Clarke was. She was gentle and comforting and the contact sent Lexa completely over the edge. Clarke just tightened her grip, supporting Lexa's weight as she cried into her shoulder, Clarke had the feeling that Lexa wasn't just crying about the fight but rather she'd let her emotions build up for too long and now they were boiling over. 

 

She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Clarke wasn't sure but as long as Lexa needed her to be there then she would stay. "I'm so sorry." Lexa whimpers completely breaking Clarke's heart. 

 

"Lexa it's okay, I promise, everything is going to be okay." Clarke promises. Lexa steps back from the hug and wipes her face in embarrassment, her moment of weakness was gone, replaced by her usual cool exterior. Clarke was disappointed but she hoped that Lexa at least felt a little bit better. 

 

Lexa was about to leave again when Clarke stops her by placing a hand on her shoulder. "Stay." Clarke says, almost pleads, she needed Lexa as much as Lexa needed her. Lexa stares at her for a moment, her green eyes glossy and shining in the dim lighting of the bedside table lamps, before nodding gently. 

 

They crawl into bed beside each other with their hands never leaving each other's, not even for a second, and, as Lexa slowly drifted off to sleep, she couldn't stop thinking that maybe she did have a knack for getting into trouble because if she kept feeling like this for Clarke then she was more than certain that it was going to get her into a world of shit.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first of all, don't read if you don't want spoilers for future episodes of season 3, but if you're on tumblr this spoiler is practically impossible to avoid, but oh. My. God. There is going to be a clexa sex scene and I honestly just cannot wait it takes up a lot of my thinking time. I can't wait until they finally do the do, I mean, with all that sexual tension it's no surprise let's be real. 
> 
> ps. Sorry for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes.


	5. Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's a cuddler and Raven breaks the tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this chapter so much especially the last part :) I hope you enjoy and thank you all so much for the comments and kudos it means a lot to me!

Clarke woke up feeling very calm and at ease. It took her a moment to realise that someone had their arms wrapped around her waist and she could feel the warmth radiating off of their body which was why she felt so relaxed. The previous night's events come rushing back to Clarke in an instant. She glances down to see Lexa sleeping so peacefully next to her, her head resting on Clarke's shoulder. How had they ended up in this position? Lexa had fallen asleep halfway across the bed. Clarke was thrown back to the morning she'd woken to see Lexa cuddling her alarm clock and a soft smile spreads across her face. Lexa was a cuddler -  _ Lexa was a cuddler _ \- and Clarke had thought the brunette couldn't get any cuter. 

 

Lexa stirs, and mumbles something in her sleep, before cracking an eye open to look at the blonde. In her half asleep state Lexa almost mistook Clarke for an angel - especially with the stream of light coming in through the window. She was very aware of the closeness between them but she was also very comfortable and reluctant to detach herself from the blue eyed girl. Clarke doesn't say anything but she silently takes Lexa's hands from under the covers and examines the bandages she'd dressed last night earning her a groan of disapproval from Lexa. "I never thought you'd be a cuddler." Clarke teases lightly. There were patches of blood on the bandages where the cuts on Lexa's knuckles had seeped through but, if the bleeding had stopped then, they probably wouldn't need to be wrapped up anymore. 

 

"I'm very cuddly." Lexa replies. Her body was practically draped over Clarke's but she didn't seem to mind. 

 

"My mom might walk in at any moment." Clarke says and Lexa reluctantly sits up. "I was kidding, she never comes in without knocking first."  _ Usually _ , Clarke adds in her head. Lexa stretches, letting out a groan, and falls back into the bed closing her eyes. Clarke rolls her eyes; the brunette was incredibly lazy in the mornings that much was clear.

 

"I don't think your mom would approve of me sleeping in your bed." Lexa comments sleepily. 

 

"Why not?" Clarke asks with a frown. "She thinks we're friends and I always sleep with my friends." 

 

"Always?" Lexa asks turning her head to the side and raising an eyebrow. 

 

"Pretty much, you heard Octavia, Raven hates sleeping on her own so she stays here quite a lot." Clarke says with a shrug. Lexa stares at her for a moment and Clarke smiles at her. 

 

"You amaze me Griffin." Lexa says grinning back. Clarke didn't know what she was referring too but she liked the feeling she got from the compliment. "You're best friends with a girl who slept with your boyfriend, you're selfless, ballsy, kind, giving, gentle and, for some reason, you seem to have taken pity on my soul." Lexa says playfully. 

 

"You  _ are  _ a piece of work." Clarke replies playfully. Lexa looks at her feigning a hurt expression in response. 

 

"Ouch." Lexa says clutching her chest in an over exaggerated gesture. 

 

"You broke my alarm clock the last time you were here, I've been late twice to class." Clarke says and Lexa smiles mischievously. 

 

"Really? I'm so sorry. But to be honest, that alarm clock was terrible to cuddle." Lexa says and Clarke felt a little uneasy when she saw Lexa moving, a mischievous glint in her green eyes. Without warning Lexa dives on Clarke and wraps her in a tight embrace nuzzling impossibly close to her. "You're a much better cuddler." Lexa says with a content sigh. 

 

"You're terrible." Clarke says turning her head to the side. She connects eyes with Lexa and her breath hitches in her throat. They stay like that for a long moment, just staring at each other, and Clarke could've sworn she saw Lexa's eyes dart to her lips for a second before they were back on her eyes. Then the smell of bacon interrupted their little cocoon and they both snapped back to reality. "Shit." Clarke says standing up and Lexa actually pouts, giving her the most adorable expression ever, she looked somewhat like a puppy and she was  _ pouting _ . When did Lexa Woods ever? "My mom knows you're here, she only ever makes bacon when someone sleeps over." 

 

"So no sneaking out the window and down the tree." Lexa says climbing out of the bed herself. 

 

"Oh my-" Clarke stops, and turns around, rooting through her clothes before finding something Lexa could wear. "Change your shirt that one has blood on it." Clarke informs her and Lexa looks down. She pulls her shirt over her head and Clarke's eyes almost bulge out of their sockets - not only had she seen Lexa pantless but now she had seen her shirtless and damn was it a good sight. Clarke was immediately drawn to the tattoo on Lexa's arm that she had seen only once before, when she had removed her leather jacket and her sleeve had rode up slightly, but when Lexa turns around to pick Clarke's shirt up she sees a tattoo running down the brunette's spine. Clarke internally groans, resisting the urge to touch the tattoo, a back tattoo said a lot about Lexa since they were essentially the most painful tattoo you could get. Lexa looks up then to notice Clarke looking at her with surprise and Lexa smirks she was shameless and she didn't mind showing off her body - not at all. The shirt that Clarke had given Lexa was a little loose but not that much and it was a blue football shirt that Finn had bought for her when he insisted that it was the best team ever. 

 

"Earth to Clarke?" Lexa asks waving a hand in front of Clarke. Clarke jumps a little and shakes her head dispelling the thoughts of her ex boyfriend from her mind. She steps forward wordlessly and begins unwrapping Lexa's hands letting the bandages fall to the ground. Her knuckles were bruised but the cuts had stopped bleeding and were far less noticeable - though the bruising would be a problem. Lexa tucks them in her pants pockets and raises an eyebrow in a silent question of ‘Is this okay?’ Clarke nods her head and gathers the bandages before discarding them in the bin in the corner of her room. They both take their time walking down the stairs but Lexa's stomach growls at the smell of the food again - she was much hungrier than she had thought she was. 

 

The pair enter the kitchen and Abby turns around with a bright smile on her face. "Good morning sleepy heads." She says cheerfully rushing around the kitchen. "Help yourselves to anything." She says. Clarke eyes her suspiciously but Lexa sits down at the table eagerly filling her plate with eggs and bacon. Clarke sits down across from Lexa staring at her mom quizzically - she was way too happy and way too casual about the situation. Abby was too busy shuffling around to notice her daughter's frown but Lexa could see her. She nudges Clarke gently under table with her foot and nods her head towards the food - it was a silent message of 'Don't poke the bear'. Lexa figured if Abby wasn't asking questions then they shouldn't prompt her to do so. Clarke glares at Lexa and Lexa gives her an Oscar worthy smirk that almost made Clarke swoon -  _ almost _ . She feels Clarke retaliate under the table with her foot and it quickly becomes a war of the two kicking and nudging each other under the secrecy of the table. When Abby turns around they stop and sit up a little straighter pretending they hadn't just been playing footsie under the table. 

 

"So did you girls have a fun night?" Abby asks sitting down herself. Lexa takes a long sip of her orange juice, that tasted sweet and fresh, and Clarke rolls her eyes at Lexa's obvious attempt of ignoring the question. 

 

"It was fun." Clarke replies nonchalantly. "Raven stayed at O's, I think, and Lexa was a little drunk so, being the Good Samaritan I am, I decided to look after her." Clarke lies smoothly. Abby eyes Lexa's knuckles and Lexa quickly withdraws them from the table and places them on her thighs. Clarke scowls at her in annoyance and she raises her eyebrows in a sorry gesture. 

 

"Hm." Abby hums. "Looks like you had fun." Lexa clears her throat awkwardly and Abby turns to look at her. 

 

"This breakfast is lovely Dr Griffin, um, it's, um, delicious." Lexa stumbles. Clarke has to stifle a laugh at Lexa's fumbling; she found it highly amusing that the ever cool Lexa Woods was stiff and awkward under her mom's gaze. 

 

"Thank you Lexa, but you can call me Abby, we’re not at the hospital." Abby replies. She was giving Clarke suspicious looks and Clarke felt her cheeks beginning to burn; she thought they'd been together  _ together  _ but nothing like that had happened. 

 

The front door bursts open and the sound of boots on the hardwood floor echoes down the hallway jolting all three of them out of the awkward groove they'd fallen into. Raven enters the kitchen smiling wide when she notices Lexa sitting at one end of the table. "I didn't realise it was a party." Raven says sitting down and digging right in, she always loved Abby's cooking and she made it her personal mission to have as many breakfasts as possible at the Griffin household - her record must be over a hundred. "I would have worn my good clothes." The tension at the table dispersed as soon as Raven sat down, she had that effect on people, and even Clarke's mom was laughing at Raven's sarcastic comment. "And  _ you _ , you don't get to touch my brace and then leave me." Raven points a piece of bacon at Lexa. "Actually, both of you don't get to leave at a party full of college kids who were drunk and horney." 

 

"Sorry." Clarke says quickly and Lexa raises an eyebrow. 

 

"I'm not sorry." Lexa says leaning forward. "It was nice to get away from you for awhile Reyes." Lexa jokes. 

 

"Please Woods, I bet you were craving my attention the second you walked away." Raven says her mouth full of bacon. Lexa rolls her eyes but her playful grin gave away how amused the conversation was making her. 

 

"Just because you're hopelessly in love with me doesn't mean I feel the same way." Lexa retorts and Raven snorts. 

 

"If anyone's in love with anyone it's you with me." Raven fires back. 

 

"I'm just going to pretend that made sense." Lexa replies sarcastically. 

 

"Shut up." Raven says dismissively. "I make perfect sense." 

 

"Can you not talk with your mouth full?" Lexa asks and Raven glares at her. It was all in good fun, Lexa liked Raven and her sense of humour, the pair of them got along like two peas in a pod. 

 

"Oh my God, will both of you just shut up?" Clarke interrupts. 

 

"She started it!" Raven protests. 

 

"I don't care who started it I'm ending it." Clarke replies and Raven sits back in her chair in defeat. 

 

"Whatever, mom." Raven grumbles and Lexa tries to hold back her laughter but fails miserably. Clarke frowns deeply and soon her mom, Lexa and Raven were all laughing at each other and Clarke couldn't help but join in. The tension had been forgotten completely, now they were just laughing and enjoying each other's company. 

 

Abby was the first one to stop laughing, she rises from her seat and places her plate in the sink ignoring the teenagers who were practically in tears as they laughed. "I have to go." Abby says turning around. The girls had stopped laughing, finally, and turn their heads to look at Abby. "I have a date." Abby says with a grin. Clarke shifts uncomfortably which Lexa doesn't fail to notice and Raven smiles happily. 

 

"Go Ms. G." Raven whistles. "Is it with Mr Kane?" She asks eagerly. Abby nods her head and ignores Raven's clap of approval. She moves close to Clarke and leans close to her ear to whisper something that the other's wouldn't hear. 

 

"We'll talk later." Abby says seriously causing Clarke to swallow nervously. She was not looking forward to that conversation but seeing Lexa's green eyes giving her the most sympathetic and sorry look she'd ever seen made her feel a little better. Clarke mouths 'It's okay.' before returning back to her food. 

 

"Do you even eat Woods?" Raven asks eyeing Lexa's plate that was empty. 

 

"I ate before you got here." Lexa replies. "Are you just going to call me by my last name?" Lexa asks noticing that Raven had referred to her as Woods again. 

 

"I thought that was our thing?" Raven asks eating the remaining food that was left while pouting at Lexa. Lexa grins again and Clarke makes a gagging noise. "Just because you're jealous Lexa and I have a thing, doesn't mean you have to be so bitter about it Clarke." Raven says earning her a hit on the head from the blonde. Lexa was laughing at the glare Raven gave Clarke but, before anything could get too interesting, her phone started ringing. Pulling it out of her pocket she reads the caller ID 'Anya'. 

 

"Shit." Lexa mutters under her breath. "I should take this." Lexa says standing up and exiting the kitchen. Once she was out of earshot she answers the call. "Hello?" 

 

"Don't hello me you bitch." Anya snarls. "I swear to mother Mary Lexa! Where the hell are you so I can kill you." Lexa smiles in amusement at her sister's obvious worried tone that she could hear even under the angry one. 

 

"I'm sorry, I should have called or texted but, I stayed the night at Clarke's." Lexa explains. The long silence that followed Lexa's statement spoke volumes to the brunette and she lets out a long sigh at her sister. "No Anya, we didn't do what you're thinking." 

 

"I didn't say anything." Anya replies all anger gone replaced by a teasing and smug tone - Lexa preferred it when she was angry. 

 

"You didn't have to say anything." Lexa replies grumpily. "Just tell me how mad Indra is?" Lexa asks nervously. Another long silence causes Lexa to frown, usually she was accustomed to reading what Anya's long silences meant, or implied, but she didn't really believe it. "Wait, Indra knows I was gone all night, doesn't she?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Well she knows you were gone all night but I may or may not have covered for you." Anya says. 

 

"What?" Lexa asks genuinely confused. 

 

"I told her that you were staying at a friend's, who I had met, and that you were perfectly safe, and she shouldn't worry about you getting into trouble." Anya answers. "Except I haven't met Clarke, so she could be an axe murderer or something, but I guess you could have handled yourself." Anya continues. "Well if you took your hands up lon-" 

 

" _ Anya _ !" Lexa yells in annoyance. "Oh my God, shut the hell up, Clarke is my friend, get your mind out of the gutter." 

 

"Whatever, weirdo." Anya replies with a shrug. Anya always was straight forward and too the point but Lexa would rather she not voice what she thought all the time - especially things like that. 

 

"I have to talk to you when I get home." Lexa says glancing down the hallway when she heard a particularly loud commotion. 

 

"Ooo, girl talk." Anya teases. 

 

"I will hurt you." Lexa warns and Anya's snickers down the line. "I better go," the sound of glass smashing causes Lexa to stop mid sentence. "I think Raven and Clarke are destroying the kitchen." 

 

"Raven?" Anya asks and Lexa can hear the raising eyebrow gesture in her voice. "Two girls at once? Wow Lex." 

 

"I'm hanging up now." Lexa says feeling irritated by her sister's teasing. 

 

"Enjoy your banging-!" Anya's voice is cut off when Lexa hits the end call button. She returns to the kitchen to see Raven on her hands and knees, a dustpan and brush in her hands, while she swept up what looked like a broken plate. Lexa looks between Raven and Clarke eyebrow raised in question. Raven gives her a childish smile and Clarke gives her a sweet innocent one. 

 

"We had a slight disagreement." Raven answers Lexa's unasked question. 

 

"I don't even want to know." Lexa says sitting back down at the table. After a moment Raven spins around to Lexa, a look of realisation on her face. 

 

"Wait. Is that Clarke's shirt?" Raven asks and Clarke groans while Lexa smirks.   
  
Once Lexa had returned home she collapsed straight back into her bed. Despite the morning's antics, there had been a gnawing sensation in her gut about the boy she had left behind in the alleyway. Even if her knuckles were bruised, and only slightly cut, she had a feeling the guy would have much more obvious injuries. He wasn't dead, Lexa hadn't beaten him that hard, but there was no doubt he'd be in a pretty bad state. ‘ _ It was self defence, _ ’ Clarke had reassured her after Raven had left, ‘ _ if he tries to press charges then we'll just tell the cops what he was trying to do to me.’ _ Lexa sighs turning over in her unmade bed. ‘ _ You saved me Lexa and I won't let you take the fall for this.’ _ Lexa groans into her bed feeling her heart contract at remembering Clarke's words. She hadn't saved Clarke she'd committed a felony and now, if the guy decided he wanted to get the authorities involved, Clarke could get into some serious trouble. Lexa didn't normally care when she got people in trouble but she didn't want to get  _ Clarke  _ in trouble. For once, she wanted to separate Clarke and just wrap the blonde in a bubble and protect her from everything... including herself. "What are you doing to me?" Lexa asks to no one her voice completely muffled by the covers. Lexa's momentary peace was interrupted when she heard someone enter her bedroom -  _ quite loudly might she add _ \- and sit on her bed next to her. "Leave me alone, I want to sleep." Lexa complains hitting Anya with a pillow as she turns over to get more comfortable. 

 

"You wanted to talk to me, remember?" Anya asks clearly amused by her sister's tired state. Lexa sighs and turns back over to peer up at Anya her best puppy dog eyes on her face. Anya was instantly defensive and Lexa could see by the way she tensed - she never could resist Lexa's puppy dog eyes but then again no one ever could. 

 

"Could you, maybe, convince Indra to give me my keys back?" Lexa begs. Anya rolls her eyes at her sister's begging. 

 

"Why would I do that?" Anya asks lying down beside Lexa. 

 

"Because you love me." Lexa says with a grin. "And because you're the best big sister ever." 

 

"Both true, but I'm not seeing how this benefits me." Anya says narrowing her eyes at Lexa. 

 

"Indra would never let me have them if I asked but she listens to you." Lexa reasons and Anya nods her head. 

 

"Okay, but there's something more." Anya says and Lexa bites her lip. "Lexa." Anya says in a warning tone. 

 

"I kind of need you to cover for me tonight." Lexa confesses and Anya stares at her for a moment. 

 

"Cover for you?" She asks and Lexa  shifts under Anya's intense stare. 

 

"I was planning on sneaking out tonight and surprising Clarke." Lexa admits. Anya stares at her again before a huge grin breaks out on her face and Lexa internally groans knowing her sister was about to tease her mercilessly again. 

 

"When did you become Romeo?" She asks lightly and Lexa covers her face hiding the blush that was quickly forming on her cheeks. "Fine, I'll cover do you." Anya relents. "But only because you need to get laid and I'm a good sister like that." 

 

"That's not how it is." Lexa says correcting Anya. Anya turns her head to the side in a questioning manner waiting for Lexa to elaborate. "I don't know, she's... she's special." Lexa admits. 

 

"You're falling for her." It wasn't a question, Lexa could tell by the way Anya had said it, but Lexa chose to take it as a question. 

 

"I don't know what it is, maybe it's just a crush or whatever, but when I'm with her, I can't stop thinking about how I'll eventually have to leave, and when I'm apart from her, I can't stop thinking about being with her." Lexa says feeling exasperated. It was quite infuriating really, how the blonde made her feel. 

 

"You're falling for her." Anya repeats with a hint of a smile. "Now get some rest if you're planning on going out again tonight. I'll take care of the rest." Anya says getting up from the bed with a wink. Just before Anya leaves Lexa calls her back stopping her in her tracks. 

 

"Thank you." Lexa says sincerely. "I really do love you." Anya smiles softly her permanent hard exterior softening ever so slightly. 

 

"I know. I love you too lil’ sis." And with that, Anya left Lexa alone to get some sleep. She had no idea how Clarke would react when she saw her there in the middle of the night but it sure was going to be fun.   
  
Clarke woke up to the sound of something repeatedly hitting off of her window. It sounded somewhat like stones and she was instantly suspicious as to what was making the raucous. She groggily stands up and pushes the window open - ignoring the fact that it was extremely late and the night air was cold. She peers down at the ground, her eyes taking a moment to adjust in the dark lighting, she could definitely see that someone was down there. "Good, you're awake sunshine." She hears them call softly. 

 

" _ Lexa _ ?" Clarke asks her surprise waking her from her sleepy state. 

 

"The one and only." She replies. It was hard to see her since her favourite colour seemed to be black and she was shrouded in darkness. "I have a surprise for you." She says. 

 

"Do you know what time it is?" Clarke asks in disbelief she hadn't expected any of this tonight. "We have school tomorrow." 

 

"Come on sunshine, take a walk on the wild side." Lexa encourages. "Throw caution to the wind. Live a little." Her voice sounded excited with a pinch of sarcasm and teasing. 

 

"You want me to climb down? I'm not Spider-Man." Clarke says eyeing the drop and then the sturdy tree that had stood by her window for years. 

 

"If I can do it with one arm you can do it with two." Lexa calls back and Clarke can make out her white smirk even in the darkness. 

 

"What if I fall?" Clarke argues her voice low in case her mom heard her. 

 

"Then I'll catch you." Lexa promises. Clarke glances back at her door and shrugs, she might as well, she'd never done any teenage rebellious shit so she might as well give it a try. She grabs some skinny jeans and a shirt before throwing on a flannel with a hoodie for extra warmth and her favourite converse boots. She returns to the window, her stomach feeling uneasy, but she reluctantly climbs out clinging to the branch so she wouldn't fall. She leaves her window open, praying it wouldn't rain, so she could climb back in when they were done doing whatever they were going to be doing. The tree was surprisingly easy to climb down and when Clarke reached the bottom she felt arms wrap around her waist and safely place her on the ground. 

 

Now that Clarke was up close she could see Lexa was wearing a helmet, and she had another in her hands, a huge grin on her face, in fact, it was so huge that Clarke had the nagging suspicion that maybe the brunette was drunk again. "Are you drunk?" Clarke asks as Lexa points the helmet she was holding at Clarke - Clarke choses to cross her arms across her chest in stubbornness. 

 

"No." Lexa assures. Clarke searches her eyes for a moment and Lexa laughs. "I'm not high either." She says though the accusation didn't seem to throw her showing up in the middle of the night and asking someone to sneak out wasn't something sane people did usually. "You feel like going for a drive?" Lexa asks walking towards the front of the house. Clarke follows after her; she was already too deeply in - there was no way she wasn't going to go wherever Lexa was taking her. 

 

"Depends. Where are we going?" Clarke questions. 

 

"That would ruin the surprise." Lexa says playfully. "You trust me right?" Lexa questions holding the helmet towards Clarke. Clarke takes it and runs her fingers over the hard material. 

 

"Yes, I trust you Lexa." Clarke replies looking up. Lexa smiles and leads her down the street towards her bike; she’d had the good sense to park further down the street so she didn't risk waking Abby when sneaking her daughter out of the house. "I do have a question though." Clarke pipes up walking beside Lexa. Lexa looks at her and hums for her to continue. "How come you call me sunshine?" Lexa smiles slightly, trying to hide the fondness on her lips at the question. 

 

"Because of your hair, and because you remind me of the sun, all bright and happy, it's a little annoying actually." Clarke punches her on the arm at that but laughs nevertheless. 

 

"Well you remind me of the moon, all mysterious and brooding." Lexa laughs at that analogy and comes to a stop. 

 

"I don't brood Clarke." Clarke almost melts at the way her name just rolled off Lexa's tongue. "Anyway, your steed awaits." Lexa gestures to her very impressive looking bike that was in an immaculate looking condition. Despite her not being able to ride it, it didn't mean she stopped looking after it. 

 

"You've got to be kidding me." Clarke says eyeing it nervously. Lexa takes the helmet from Clarke's hands and guides it up onto her head where she fastens it securely and gives it a gentle tap to ensure it was on properly. 

 

"I don't kid Clarke." There it was again, the way Lexa said her name. "I'm very serious. Plus I brought you a helmet, safety first." 

 

"Um, I don't know." Clarke says hesitantly. Her brain was screaming no but, at the same time, the idea of riding on it was extremely appealing - and not just because she'd be close to Lexa. Lexa slips her own helmet on and removes her leather jacket - she was wearing a hoodie beneath it so she wouldn't be cold. She holds it out for Clarke and she stares at Lexa in confusion. 

 

"If you're going to ride it, you might as well look the part." Lexa says a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "It's my favourite jacket, so you have to look after it." Clarke slips into the leather jacket and shivers when she feels the warmth inside of it - Lexa's warmth. Lexa sits down on the bike and holds her hand out for Clarke. Clarke takes her hand and sits behind her and Lexa wraps Clarke's arms around her waist and the blonde instantly moves closer holding on tightly. It's not that she didn't think Lexa was a good driver, given the perfect state her bike was in it was clear she looked after it, her nerves were more to do with the proximity of the brunette. Lexa wasn't any better, she was a jittery mess from the feeling of Clarke's breath on her neck. 

 

Lexa starts the bike up and the rumble and roar of the engine beneath Clarke was unlike anything she'd ever experienced: it was exhilarating, and breathtaking, amazing and terrifying, all at the same time. Lexa revs the engine a couple of times her face lighting up when she feels Clarke's arms tighten even more. "Hold on blondie." Lexa raises her voice over the sound of the engine and Clarke frowns. 

 

"Lexa-" Before Clarke could finish her sentence the bike spurs to life and soon Clarke felt the wind hit her face and the street lights blur into one. She was tense at first but slowly she loosened up letting out a loud laugh of pleasure as Lexa increased her speed - though she was careful to stick to the limit. Clarke loved it, every second of it, from the engine roaring, to the wind in her face and especially the way she got to hold onto Lexa. 

 

Clarke calmed down when Lexa decreased their speed and took a turn down a particularly dirty road. Clarke recognised it as the old road leading to the lake, she was a little surprised that Lexa would take the road considering it was extremely unkempt and muddy but she didn't say anything. Lexa stops the bike in the clearing, in the woods, the lake only a few feet away. Clarke hops off the bike, a huge grin on her face, and she removes the helmet still feeling the buzz of adrenaline through her vines. "I have got to get me one of those." Clarke says placing the helmet on the seat. 

 

"I don't think your mom would approve, also, don't tell her I gave you ride or she might kill me." Lexa says and Clarke rolls her eyes - like she would tell her mom about sneaking out the house when she'd gotten an earful about having a girl stay over even when nothing was going on between them. Clarke pauses for a moment as Lexa removes her helmet,  _ was nothing going on between them? _ Lexa was sending her mixed signals, one second she seemed into it, but the next she seemed distant, and it confused the hell out of Clarke. Lexa's laugh draws Clarke's attention back to her. She was leaning against the handles of her bike while looking up at Clarke. 

 

"What?" Clarke asks feeling a little annoyed. Lexa stands up, a devilish smirk on her face. 

 

"You have helmet hair, but I wouldn't worry about it, you look cute." Lexa says with a wink. Clarke instantly smooths her hair out, frowning at Lexa, but, ultimately unable to suppress her amusement, she smiles at her. 

 

"Did you bring me here to murder me? Or is there another reason you woke me up in the middle of the night and drove me to a secluded area with a lake?" Clarke asks. Lexa doesn't say anything but turns Clarke towards the lake where she could see a blanket set up on the pier. Lexa pulls a lighter from her pocket and gestures for Clarke to follow which, of course, she does. 

 

Clarke settles on the blanket while Lexa lights the candles that had been left unlit in the centre of the blanket. Clarke spots a bunch of tea candles sitting by the side of the pier along with paper boats which, she had to admit, intrigued her a little. Lexa sits beside Clarke and hands her a paper boat and a candle and her spare lighter. Clarke raises an eyebrow at Lexa, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do with the items. Lexa picks up her own supplies and she makes a dramatic example to show Clarke exactly what to do - she did it so slowly Clarke considered it to be a little patronising. She drops the tea candle in the middle of the boat and lights the candle before placing the boat in the lake and pushing it gently for it to float away. Clarke got the idea and she follows Lexa's example. Before long they had at least a dozen boats sailing, illuminating the lake, and giving off a beautiful view. The pair rarely talked, they were just enjoying each other's company and the silence of nature, so when Lexa spoke Clarke was keen to listen. "My sister and I used to do this all the time." Lexa says with a content sigh. She leans back, stretching her legs out in front of her and letting her big boots stomp against the wood of the small pier. 

 

"Used to?" Clarke asks softly staring at the boats in the centre of the lake. 

 

"I guess she grew out of it." Lexa replies. "Or maybe she just didn't feel the same about it since our parents... well, you know." Clarke tears her eyes away from the boats to look at Lexa. She didn't look pained, in fact, she looked happy - happy at reliving a memory she had obviously missed. 

 

"Why don't you bring her out here again?" Clarke questions. 

 

"It's the past, Anya's about the future, she hates reliving the past so I don't bring it up to her." Lexa shrugs. "But you, I thought you'd like it, you know, since you're an artist." Clarke smiles at that and turns back to the boats; she noticed that one had already burnt out, the flames swallowed by the lake's water. 

 

"It's beautiful." Clarke whispers. "Thank you." Lexa looks at Clarke now: the candle light made her hair glow golden and her blue eyes were even more vivid in the dark. She was tempted then to lean over and kiss her - to tell her how much she liked her - but she couldn't. Something was holding her back but she just didn't know what. "So do you do this for every girl who patches you up?" Clarke asks turning to catch Lexa's eyes on her. 

 

"Not every girl, just you." Lexa replies. "Besides, what over girl would be crazy enough to climb out a window in the dead of the night, get on a motorcycle with a known gang member, and then set fire to a bunch of candles and sit and watch them float in the lake." Lexa says clearly amused. 

 

"Excuse me, are you implying that my mental health is in question?" Clarke jokes. Lexa plays along nodding her head. 

 

"Yup, definitely. Clarke Griffin, you are insane." Lexa replies. "But that's okay because I kind of like crazy." 

 

"Then I'll have to do more crazy stuff." Clarke concludes leaning back and looking up at the stars. Lexa follows suit, though she was slightly less graceful about it, she slumps down against the hard wood of the pier letting out a grunt at the impact. Clarke didn't even want to think about the fact that she had school in only a few hours, or the fact that she would have to climb back up her tree and into her window without being heard, and Clarke really just couldn't see that happening - her mom had ears like a bat. 

 

They stayed like that for God knows how long, until the last boat candle burnt out. They talked every now and again, voicing small thoughts, and Lexa had even tried to show Clarke the star constellations but the blonde couldn't see them at all - all she saw was a bunch of stars. She found it adorable - or  _ adorkable  _ \- how Lexa was so serious and precise about every one of the constellations and, even though Clarke couldn't see them, she just hummed and agreed with her. "You're a huge nerd." Clarke says after Lexa had explained about a constellation in so much depth that it was a little surprising. 

 

"Don't tell anyone, I have a reputation to uphold." Lexa says with a wink. 

 

"And there you go, being a dork again." Clarke comments and Lexa sticks her tongue out at the blonde. 

 

"Alright blondie, lets get you home before momma bear sees you're not in bed." Lexa stands up blowing the candles out before walking towards her bike with Clarke in tow. 

 

"You're just going to leave that stuff there?" Clarke asks putting her helmet on, she smiles when she feels Lexa's fingers brush her chin as she made sure the strap was secure. 

 

"No one comes here anymore." Lexa replies distracted by her own helmet. "And riding a bike while holding a blanket and candles is a skill level even I haven't mastered." 

 

"Then I'm not sure I should be riding with you." Clarke jokes. Lexa starts her bike up and Clarke thought she had become accustomed to the rumble but she was wrong. It sent a jolt through her once again and her arms were around Lexa's waist in an instant. "Can you maybe go a little faster?" Clarke suggests leaning close to Lexa's ear. 

 

"You sure about that sunshine?" Lexa asks and Clarke's tightening arms was her answer. Lexa takes off down the dirt road before accelerating once she reached the main road and Clarke let out a squeal of exhilaration - she could get used to this feeling. 

 

Lexa stops her bike down the street from Clarke's house like she had before. Clarke hops off and was about to hand Lexa her jacket and helmet back when the brunette holds her hands up in protest. 

 

"Keep it, so if you fall out of the tree at least your pretty head will be protected." Lexa says and Clarke laughs a small blush on her cheeks. 

 

"But your jacket? You said it was your favourite." Clarke ponders. 

 

"Give it back to me some other time, that way you have a reason to come and see me." Lexa replies casually. 

 

"I don't need a reason to come see you Lexa." Clarke says. She wanted to say she'd come see her because she wanted to, not because of some jacket, but the thought ran away from her. 

 

"Well now you have one." Lexa replies with a shrug. "Be careful climbing up that tree, it's a son of a bitch." Lexa warns. Clarke leans in and kisses Lexa on the cheek much like she had done when they had been saying goodbye after the drunken bed situation. Lexa immediately flushes and stutters over her words. "I-I'll see you later Griffin." She says. Clarke steps back, helmet still on her head, and leather jacket still clinging to her keeping her warm. 

 

"Bye Lexa." Clarke says before walking down her street towards her house. Lexa waits a moment before she pulls out her phone to send a quick text. She smiles at the message before revving her engine and taking off down the street. She was no longer carrying precious cargo so her driving was a little more careless but not more so than usual. Clarke was halfway to her house when she hears her phone chime in her pocket. She pulls her phone out, with a little difficulty, before reading the message. 

 

_ [Lexa - Aka Bae] - Goodnight princess, xo _

 

Clarke smiles so wide she was certain her face would get stuck like that. She didn't know who had told Lexa her nickname but she didn't really care just having a text from Lexa was enough to send Clarke’s heart into overdrive - she’d also have to have a conversation with Raven about changing people’s names in her phone. 

 

Clarke was certain that her crush wasn't just a crush anymore, she liked Lexa -  _ she liked Lexa a lot _ \- but she was just too damn scared to tell her. Clarke stops  and lets out a long sigh looking up at the tree that seemed suddenly taller - she just prayed that her mom wouldn't hear her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk I guess I just love the idea of Raven and Lexa being friends and bickering all the time with each other - partners in crime kind of thing. Drop a comment to let me know what you think of this chapter :)
> 
> Ps. Sorry for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes!


	6. Trikru and Azgeda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke have a misunderstanding while Indra has a task for Lexa and her big sister Anya to take care of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg thank you all so much for the lovely comments and all the kudos! It means the world to me and I love to hear from you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter but I'm sorry if there's mistakes I was kind of falling asleep a little towards the end, since its like gone midnight and I have school, but I wanted to finish this :P Enjoy!

By some miracle her mom hadn't heard her sneak back into her room and when Clarke's alarm told her to get up she couldn't help but feel like a zombie. She'd fallen asleep in the clothes she'd hastily pulled on and she still had Lexa's jacket on as well as the helmet Lexa had given her resting on her desk in the corner. Under normal circumstances Clarke wasn’t much of a morning person but she just felt downright grumpy that day.

 

After having multiple coffees, just to keep her awake and caffeinated, Clarke was now in school. She was leaning against Lexa's locker, leather jacket hanging from her hand, and her eyes were lazily watching the steady stream of students walking by. She found herself wondering what exactly last night had meant - if it had meant anything at all - was it a date? Or was it something more platonic? Did Lexa even like her? "Well this is a pleasant surprise." Lexa's voice startles Clarke causing her to jump and stand up straight. Lexa chuckles and begins putting in her locker combination. 

 

"I brought your jacket back." Clarke tells her resuming her leaning against the lockers. Lexa looks at the jacket in Clarke's hand and then back up at Clarke's eyes. 

 

"Why?" Lexa asks simply and Clarke frowns in confusion. 

 

"I thought it was your favourite so I figured you'd want it back." Clarke explains and Lexa nods. 

 

"I do." She says. "I just didn't expect you to give it back so soon, it's only been a few hours since you've had it." Lexa continues. "Don't you want to know  _ why  _ it's my favourite?" Lexa raises an eyebrow while she stuffs her books into her bag. Clarke was a little confused by what Lexa meant - this was the kind of thing that sent mixed signals to her. 

 

"What?" Clarke asks and Lexa smiles softly. 

 

"Wear it. Then give it back to me at the end of the day." Lexa explains. Clarke wanted to protest but Lexa quickly silences her with a look. "I don't need it back right away, plus, you look good in it." And maybe Lexa liked the feeling she got from Clarke wearing her jacket. 

 

"You're a weirdo." Clarke decides and Lexa laughs in amusement. 

 

"I thought you liked that?" Lexa asks. 

 

"I do like it." Clarke says. "And I like-" Clarke almost let it slip, she almost said you, and that would have been terrible, but Lexa cuts her off with her eyes flooding with rage and her slamming her locker closed. Clarke jumps at the violent gesture and the look of rage that was clouding Lexa's eyes was terrifying to no end. Clarke twists around and searches the crowd of students for whatever had set Lexa off. Clarke couldn't see anything immediately, nothing that would piss Lexa off as much as she obviously was. She was standing, eyes hard set, body tense and jaw clenched. Then Clarke saw them, or him rather, he was wearing a red hoodie, to try and hide his face, but Clarke could see the sandy blonde hair sticking out from just under the hood and the multiple bruises littering his faces along with the noticeable odd angle of his nose. His name was Kyle and Clarke knew the guy had once dated Raven. 

 

"That bastard." Lexa growls stepping forward, her hands were clenched into fists and she looked like she was going to kill someone. Clarke knew Lexa was a sweet and caring person but when she was angry, well, let's just say Clarke found herself a little scared - especially since her eyes were intense on a normal day never mind when they're filled with anger. Clarke steps forward and grabs Lexa's shoulder stopping her from doing something she would regret and stopping her from going any further. 

 

" _ Lexa _ ." Clarke says lowly trying not to draw attention to the brunette who was practically steaming with anger. "It's not worth it Lexa." 

 

"I beg to differ, Clarke." Lexa says turning around her green eyes burning into Clarke's blue ones. "I kind of just want to sink my fist into his teeth, again, and again, like I already did." 

 

"That's not who you are." Clarke says and Lexa turns her head to the side raising her eyebrow slightly. 

 

"How would you know that?" Lexa asks. "Clarke, you barely even know me." Clarke looks around the hall; Kyle had most certainly noticed them by now and he was avoiding eye contact. Lexa rolls her eyes at Clarke's obvious avoiding of her statement and was about to turn around to continue what she had set out to do when Clarke catches her forearm in her hand. 

 

"Wait. Come with me." Clarke tugs on Lexa's arm and the brunette reluctantly follows throwing a glare over her shoulder in Kyle's direction. 

 

Clarke leads them to the nearby bathroom and Lexa leans against the sink feeling unamused and agitated. "What are we doing here Clarke?" Lexa asks after a moment of silence. Clarke looks at her and glances around the bathroom, they were alone, and Clarke wasn't sure what she wanted to say. 

 

"You didn't really want to punch Kyle did you?" Clarke asks withholding from grimacing from her question - she probably could have worded that better. Lexa pushes herself up off the sink and stands up straight, she crosses her arms across her chest, and narrows her eyes at Clarke. 

 

"Yes." She answers simply - there was no bullshit with Lexa. "I know that you think you know me, or that you understand me. but you don't. Clarke, we’ve only known each other for about, what, three weeks? You don't get to judge me, or tell me that I'm not someone who I am." Lexa was angry but it wasn't even Clarke who she was angry with. 

 

"Then let me get to know you!" Clarke snaps. "Every time I get even the slightest bit close to you, you put up these walls and lock me out. It's like, every step I take forward results in three steps back and I just want to get to know you Lexa!" Clarke was angry herself and Lexa could see that she wasn't just someone who took shit and didn't stand up for themselves. 

 

"You don't want to know me." Lexa says walking towards the bathroom door. "Maybe it's best we just stop being friends... stop seeing each other." Lexa asserts one hand on the door. 

 

"What? Lexa, why do you want that?" Clarke asks halting her. 

 

"I don't want to wake up one morning and find that you're ignoring me, or that you've abandoned me, because you've realised what a huge mistake you made by being my friend."  _ I don't want to hurt you, I can't let my heart rule over my head, because I'm falling for you Clarke Griffin, and I've never felt this way about anyone before. _ Lexa lets out a long sigh her heart feeling heavy with the unspoken confession. 

 

"Lexa." Clarke says gently softening considerably. "That would never happen." Lexa shakes her head at that unable to understand that Clarke was willing to stick by her. 

 

"I can't risk it." Lexa says quietly. "I don't want to get close to someone just for them to leave me again. I can't - I won't - go through that again." Lexa pushes the bathroom door open and Clarke watches it swing close. She was left in the bathroom holding a leather jacket and staring after Lexa. She wanted to follow her, to tell Lexa that she was being stupid, that she wouldn't do that to her, but her legs had ceased to work and all she could do was stand and stare - stare at the empty space where Lexa had stood. Lexa was more wounded than Clarke had originally thought but she wasn't going to let that deterrent her from getting to know her, whether Lexa liked it or not, Clarke wasn't about to let Lexa slip away and, besides, she still had her leather jacket to return.

 

After the second lesson of the day Clarke was leaning against her own locker frown set on her face as she glares in Lexa's direction. She was wearing the brunette's jacket but she was pissing her off so much she pulls it off and throws it into her locker and slams it closed. "Whoa, who pissed on your cornflakes?" Raven's familiar voice asks from beside her. Clarke turns her head towards her direction and gives her the most grumpiest look Raven had ever seen on the blonde's face. Octavia, who was stood beside Raven, was extremely concerned for their friend. 

 

"Clarke, what's wrong?" Octavia asks and even Raven, the playful and sarcastic one, was silent and concerned - Clarke never acted like this, ever. 

 

"Lexa." Clarke grumbles. Raven glances over and spots Lexa talking to a girl who looked to be way into it for it to mean nothing. "You know what, it's not even the fact that she's flirting with someone in front of me, it's more about the fact that she pushed me away and only a few hours ago we were sitting by the lake side talking and opening up to each other." Clarke hits her locker in frustration. Raven looks back over at Lexa who was laughing at something the girl had said to her. 

 

"I'll go talk to her." Raven decides and before Clarke can protest Raven's already gone. Octavia pulls Clarke into her side and she lets out a long sigh. 

 

"It's okay Clarke." Octavia reassures. "I'm sure she's just having a moment, like when Raven gets all closed off every so often." 

 

"I like her O." Clarke admits - she wasn't doing a very good job at hiding it anyway. "I  _ really  _ like her." Octavia smiles softly and pulls Clarke closer to her side. 

 

"I know princess and it sucks." Octavia says. Raven saunters up to Lexa and steps in front of the girl who was talking to her sandwiching herself between them. Lexa looks at Raven with surprise and the girl behind her let out an annoyed huff. 

 

"Raven." Lexa says rising an eyebrow. "Um, is there something I can do for you...?" Lexa felt a little awkward which was still new to her but it seemed she was beginning to become a little more accustomed to it. 

 

"Yeah, we're talking here." The girl says clearly irritated. Raven grins and Lexa can’t help but smirk when she sees the grin. 

 

"Well now you're not talking." Raven points out. "How about you go for a little walk?" The girl was about to protest when Lexa steps in. 

 

"It's okay Tris, we'll talk later." Lexa assures. The girl mumbles and grumbles under her breath as she walks away shooting Raven daggers. Lexa turns her attention back to Raven who was looking at her with disapproval. 

 

"You're a dick you know that?" Raven asks. 

 

"I'm sure I am but I'm afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific." Lexa says. 

 

"I'm serious Lexa, you think you can say shit to my best friend, make her think that you like her, and then go and talk to other girls?" Raven asks and Lexa hits her head against the locker in exasperation. "I probably shouldn't be saying this but she likes you Lexa and she isn't just any ordinary girl." 

 

"I know." Lexa replies and she truly did. "Clarke’s the most amazing person I've ever met, she makes me feel grounded, she makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, she makes me feel like maybe I'm not a total screw up, she... she... why are you smiling?" Lexa asks. 

 

" _ You _ like her." Raven says. "If she makes you feel like that then why are you pushing her away?" Raven asks confused. Lexa sighs not wanting to explain but feeling comfortable with telling Raven. 

 

"It's  _ because  _ she makes me feel that way." Lexa reveals and Raven turns her head to the side in confusion. "I'm not used to it, I don't want to corrupt Clarke, or do anything to screw her up, which is what I tend to do." Lexa confesses. 

 

"We've all got baggage Lexa, even Clarke, she's a little messed up too." Raven says with a smile. Lexa relaxes slightly - she hadn't even noticed that she was tense. "Hell, even I've got baggage: I've got a messed up leg, thanks to my drunken mom who doesn't give too shits about me, all she cares about is getting her next drink." Lexa wanted to maybe comfort Raven but Raven didn't even seem phased, it was as though she was used to it, which Lexa found a little sad and distressing. "Talk to her, tell her how you feel, or so help me God I will kill both of you. Clarke's as stubborn as a mule but she's smart and I thought you were smart too." 

 

"I am." Lexa replies with a laugh. 

 

"Then prove it Woods." Raven says, playfully hitting Lexa on the shoulder. 

 

"Your wish is my command Reyes." Lexa replies and the pair smirk at each other amusement evident on their faces. 

 

"Hey Lex we gotta-" Anya stops mid sentence when she sees the girl standing across from Lexa. "Hi, are you Clarke?" Anya asks and Lexa tries to hide her embarrassment at her sister being so nosy. 

 

"Nope." Raven replies grinning at the girl. "Raven Reyes at your service." Raven introduces herself and Anya smiles slightly finding the brunette intriguing and mildly amusing. Lexa rolls her eyes as Anya takes Raben's hand and shakes it as slowly as possible. 

 

"Raven." Anya repeats holding her gaze. Raven tried not to squirm from the intensity of her eyes or the electric pulse that went through her at feeling Anya's hand in her own. "I'm Anya, it's nice to meet you." Anya finally releases Raven's hand and Raven smiles confidently at her. 

 

"Yeah, nice to meet you too." Raven replies. "But, if you excuse me, I gotta run." Raven says and Anya nods her head. As the brunette was walking away from them she quickly calls out. 

 

"Hey Raven?" Raven turns around instantly and Anya smirks. "Maybe I'll see you around?" She suggests and Raven smiles and shakes her head in response - she had no doubt she'd see Anya again. Anya was still grinning like an idiot minutes after Raven had left and Lexa rolls her eyes at her sister before hitting her and snapping her out of her daze. 

 

"Don't you dare." Lexa warns and Anya looks at her innocently. 

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Anya says incredulously. 

 

"Bullshit." Lexa replies. "I saw you lusting after her. She's my friend and I don't want you ruining that for me." 

 

"I never even said anything." Anya says laughing. 

 

"Shut up and stay away from Raven, besides, I think she's kind of already got a thing with Octavia." Lexa shrugs and Anya's smirk just grows. 

 

"So what's the harm with having a little fun?" She asks and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"I'm serious Anya, don't you dare." Lexa warns again. "Now what the hell did you want? Normally you ignore me at school." Lexa questions. 

 

"Indra needs us, must be something big if she's willing to let you out of school." Anya says and Lexa knew that was true. Indra had been very clear that school was of the utmost importance for Lexa and that nothing, even Trikru, was more important but if she was dragging her from school then something big must have happened. 

 

"Then why are we still standing here? I hate this place anyway." Lexa takes off down the hallway swiftly followed by her sister and Clarke's eyes follow the pair down the hall. She didn't know what was happening but she was sick of Lexa not involving her. 

 

"Hey O?" Clarke asks and Octavia looks at her curiously - Raven had left to get a head start to lesson so it was just the two of them. "How do you feel about going on a field trip?" Octavia frowns and then follows Clarke's line of sight. Her eyes widen, already knowing that was a very bad idea. 

 

"Clarke I don't think-" Octavia didn't even get to finish before Clarke was storming after the two known Trikru members. Octavia was frozen, she knew it was a bad idea and that they really shouldn't follow, but she had to keep Clarke out of trouble - she had to keep her safe. Octavia follows after Clarke already knowing that this was one of the most reckless and stupid ideas the blonde had ever had and Clarke had done some pretty stupid and reckless things in the past. 

 

Lexa pulls into the alleyway that Anya had directed her to. Apparently, whatever was going down couldn't be done out in the open which always meant bad news. Indra was nowhere to be seen and according to Anya the deal was to be struck up between the teenagers of the two gangs - apparently less chance of violence but Lexa didn't see that happening. Unbeknownst to Lexa, Clarke and Octavia had managed to follow her to the alleyway despite the brunette's ability to weave through the traffic. 

 

Lexa takes her position of leaning against her bike, fiddling with her pen knife, while Anya paces in front of her. Anya always got anxious when having to work; Lexa was far too relaxed for Anya's liking which meant that her little sister was probably expecting a fight. "Clarke we should go." Octavia hisses keeping her voice low. They were hidden behind a dumpster and she really didn't like what she was seeing. 

 

"Shh." Clarke scolds elbowing Octavia in the ribs. Octavia elbows her back, harder, and Clarke has to stifle her yelp. She glares at her friend who shrugs in a way that says ‘ _ You started it. _ ’ Clarke rolls her eyes and fixes them back onto the pair standing a few feet away. 

 

"How long is this going to take?" Lexa complains fiddling with the rips in her skinny black jeans. 

 

"Why? You missing calculus or something?" Anya asks sarcastically and Lexa stretches herself out. 

 

"No, but I am missing precious school." Lexa replies just as sarcastic. "I don't know why Indra insists I go, it's not like I'm going anywhere other than staying in Arkadia for the rest of my life and becoming a successful drug lord." Clarke frowns at Lexa's words - usually she could tell if Lexa was joking but she wasn't sure if was or not. 

 

"Shut up moron, you're in school because you're smart and Indra worries about you." Anya answers hitting Lexa on the head before resuming her pacing. "I bet if you put your mind to it you could become anything you wanted to." 

 

"What I want is a drink." Lexa replies. Anya shakes her head. 

 

"No way, you got your bike back, you got let off the hook for your little disappearing act, but you will not drink another drop of alcohol, is that clear?" Anya says sternly and Lexa sighs. 

 

"But it's almost my birthday." Lexa complains. 

 

"I don't care Lexa, it's seriously starting to become a problem." Anya says. "I'm worried." Lexa sighs dramatically not taking her sister's statement seriously. 

 

"Relax, I'm fine." Lexa brushes off expertly. 

 

"I'm not so sure you are." Anya replies stopping when she sees someone at the end of the alleyway. "Between Clarke and your irresponsible decisions I’m starting to think you don't care all that much about yourself." 

 

"What's Clarke got to do with anything?" Lexa grumbles standing up to stand beside her sister. 

 

"She's got everything to do with this." Anya says with an eye roll. Clarke looks at Octavia who makes a gesture that they really should leave. Something was about to happen and she didn't want to get involved in anything that could possibly harm herself or Clarke. 

 

"Clarke, we should go,  _ now _ ." Octavia says a little more demanding. 

 

"We can't just sneak away, they'll see us." Clarke protests looking back into the alleyway she could see that Lexa and Anya were being approached by two other people one of which Clarke recognised. There was no way with those two looking in their direction that Clarke and Octavia could sneak away without being detected. 

 

"If we die out here I'm blaming you." Octavia says. "I'll haunt your ghost for an eternity." She adds and Clarke shakes her head. 

 

"We'll be fine, just keep your head down." Clarke reassures. 

 

"Tristan, it's so good to see you." Lexa's voice draws Clarke's attention back to the gathering. She recognised Tristan as the jerk who had bumped into Raven in the hallway and then been totally rude to her about it. 

 

"Last time I saw you you were stabbing one of my guys in the leg, bashing another with a pipe and threatening my life." Tristan replies but he had a hint of a smile on his lips. Clarke could tell Lexa and Tristan were probably ‘frenemies’ people who clashed and fought but who also kind of understood each other. 

 

"Shouldn't have stolen my baby." Lexa shrugs and Clarke feels her stomach drop. Lexa had shown up at her house the night she had stolen her bike back, granted she had been drunk. but Clarke had had no idea what she had done to get her bike back - especially the fact that she'd been fighting. "Why are we here Tristan?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Business." He answers glancing over at the guy who was standing next to him. He looked like the kind of guy who only used few words and Clarke had to admit he was fucking terrifying. 

 

"Roan, always a pleasure." Lexa says sarcastically. 

 

"My sister has been asking about you." Roam replies with a wicked grin. "She says that she's very much enjoying the company of Costia and hopes you're doing well." Clarke watches as Lexa tenses her hands going straight into fists. 

 

"Roan." Tristan warns. "We're here to talk not mock." 

 

"It's fine." Lexa says bitterly. "How is the ice bitch? She kill anymore puppies recently?" 

 

"You know, Costia keeps asking about you, how's Lexa? Did you see Lexa? I saw Lexa at school. Who's the blonde Lexa keeps hanging around with? Lexa. Lexa. Lexa." Roan moans mimicking Costia’s voice. "I guess she's still holding out hope that you still love her." 

 

"That shipped sailed a long time ago." Lexa says dismissively ignoring the wound that Roan had so obviously opened. "She made her decision." 

 

"Hm." Roan hums, eyeing Lexa, trying to read her. "Who is this blonde girl you keep hanging around with?" 

 

"That's none of your business." Lexa snaps. No way would she let Roan anywhere near Clarke. Over. Her. Cold. Dead. Body. 

 

"Okay, alright, let's cool it down." Tristan intervenes. 

 

"Lex, it's okay." Anya says lowly into her sister's ear. "Just ignore Roan and talk to Tristan." Lexa relaxes and turns all her attention to Tristan, the lesser evil in the Azgeda gang, he was actually okay when he wanted to be. 

 

"Nia wants to make a deal, she says your little operation is overstepping and she's ignored it for far too long." Tristan begins and Lexa raises a perfect eyebrow. "Um, she says that she's willing to give you that piece of land but..." Tristan trails off glancing at Roan to continue explaining. 

 

"You have to offer her something better in return." Roan finishes. "Something worth her while." He adds. 

 

"Why would we do that?" Lexa asks and Anya hits her gently on the shoulder. 

 

"What my sister means, is that we already pretty much own that land, why would we waste our time negotiating when we already have it?" Anya asks. 

 

"Because if you don't then I'm pretty sure Nia will wipe out everyone you know who works there." Roan answers bluntly there was no need to sugar coat things, even Lexa knew that's what would happen, Nia was ruthless even if she was young. Anya looks at Lexa both of them having a silent conversation with their eyes. 

 

"Lincoln works in that sector." Lexa whispers. She didn't want to get Lincoln hurt - he was one of the few people who Lexa actually cared about. 

 

"We can't just go offering things, we'd need Indra's input." Anya argues. 

 

"If we don't people will die Anya,  _ including Lincoln _ , would you like to explain to Indra why her son is dead?" Lexa asks. "She trusted us to do this so she trusts us to make the right decision." 

 

"We could take that sector, expand our business, it's not like they have that place under control anyway." Anya suggests but Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"It's Azgeda territory we can't just take it. They have no one there now but once we try to take it they'll probably send everything they've got." Lexa replies. Clarke glances at Octavia. 

 

"Who knew being in a gang had such politics?" Octavia jokes. Clarke frowns, she had only been able to pick up some of Lexa and Anya's conversation since they were talking in hushed tones but she was able to figure out most of it. Clarke was about to reply, her mouth was open, when the sound of a shrill ringtone causes Clarke to jump. Octavia's eyes widen and Clarke scrambles to silence her phone. The group standing in the alleyway all turn towards the dumpster - confusion evident in their faces. 

 

"Is someone there?" Roan's gruff voice calls. Lexa looks at Anga who shrugs. "This better not be a set up." Roan warns narrowing his eyes at Lexa. 

 

"Shut the fuck up." Lexa says the presence of Roan pissing her off. She turns towards the dumpster and takes a small step forward cautiously making her way towards it. Clarke swears under her breath and Octavia stares at her in disbelief. 

 

"Hey, Octavia, let's follow gang members, we won't get caught, don’t worry about it.” Octavia says cynically. “Stupid idiot leaves her goddamned phone on loud." Octavia grumbles in annoyance but Clarke could see her tension. 

 

"Just stay here, I'll take the fall." Clarke says dismissively. Octavia wanted to protest but Clarke was already standing up. Lexa stops dead in her tracks, staring at the blonde who emerges from behind the dumpster. 

 

" _ Clarke _ ?" Clarke takes a few more steps forward, her eyes flicking from Lexa, to Roan, who was staring at her with an evil smile on his lips, to Tristan, who was looking slightly confused, to Anya, who looked downright pissed, and then back to Lexa who was staring at her in surprise and astonishment. "W-what? What are you doing here?" Lexa stutters. "Did you follow me?" Lexa frowns and Clarke gives her a sheepish smile. 

 

"So this is the blonde." Roan says - it wasn't even a question. Lexa throws him a death glare before focusing back on Clarke. 

 

"You shouldn't have followed me. What were you thinking?" Lexa asks. She was obviously angry but she wasn't yelling, in fact, she appeared quite calm and in control. 

 

"I was thinking that I was fed up of you hiding everything you do just because you think I'm going to get hurt." Clarke replies - just as headstrong as Lexa remembered her to be. 

 

"Lexa, this isn't really the place." Anya mutters nudging her head in Roan and Tristan's direction. Lexa looks at them remembering that she wasn't alone - Clarke tended to have that effect on her. 

 

"Clarke, you can't just follow me." Lexa was defiantly giving Clarke a look of disapproval but the blonde was certain she could see a little hurt in her green eyes. Lexa steps forward and places her hand on Clarke's back turning her around so she could speak quietly to her. "Stay here." Lexa says coldly not meeting Clarke's eyes. Clarke swallows nervously and waits for Lexa to finish up what she was doing. Octavia pops her head up to look at Clarke who shakes her head telling her friend to duck back down. Octavia gives her a concerned look but follows her friend's demands. Clarke checks her phone, the miss call was from Raven, she'd have to kill the brunette later for blowing her cover. "What do you want Roan? Name it." Lexa says gritting her teeth. She was irritable now, and Tristan could see that, it made him feel uneasy, when Lexa was irritable she tended to get violent. 

 

"Fifty percent of all earnings that you make off that land." Roan replies and Lexa tries to ignore the urge to punch the guy in the gut as he continues to stare after Clarke. 

 

"Twenty five and you get to keep your pretty face." Lexa replies. Anya looks at her sister, fifty percent was a good deal, better than what Anya would have expected, she knew Lexa was grumpy but she really shouldn't push her luck. Roan takes his eyes off Clarke to see Lexa scowling at him, he laughs and Tristan looks between them nervously.

 

"What are you going to do? Tie me to a tree and leave me there." Roan mocks. 

 

" _ Shof op _ ." Lexa snaps catching Clarke's attention - she had had no idea the brunette spoke another language. "Take the deal or leave it, doesn't matter to me, don't you know I'm kind of the loose cannon at the moment?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. Her words could be interpreted as playful but the way she said them it was clear she was warning Roan. 

 

"Forty percent and maybe Nia won't kill me." Roan suggests. Lexa thinks about it for a moment, a deal between the Azgeda and Trikru was rare but Lexa couldn't deny that they needed that land - it was where most of their customers were. 

 

"Deal." Lexa decides. Roan grins and spits on his hand before holding it out towards Lexa. Lexa follows suit spitting on her hand and gripping Roan's. She resisted the urge to cringe, she was just glad she was wearing her leather bike gloves - otherwise she may have refused to do the handshake. Tristan turns on his heel - eager to leave - but Roan was a little slower turning after walking backwards a few steps. The grin on his face disturbed Lexa a little but he was by far better than his sister - Roan may be a little bit of a dick but he was a dick with reasons. Maybe he reminded Lexa of herself, but only a tiny bit. 

 

Lexa turns around and sighs when she sees Clarke standing further down the alleyway arms crossed across her chest. Anya scoffs and takes a seat on Lexa’s bike while Lexa walks past her towards the blonde. "Lexa I-" Clarke says but Lexa quickly silences her with a look. 

 

"I can't believe you followed me. You know who I am and yet you thought it would be a great idea to follow the gang member? You could have been hurt!" Lexa fumes.

 

"According to you I don't know who you are, remember how you said that?" Clarke asks and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"Won't your mom be mad you skipped class again?" Lexa asks changing the subject and avoiding Clarke's question. 

 

"I don't care." Clarke replies. "I was sick of you being you." 

 

"Being me?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Yes being you!" Clarke snaps. "I know you think this whole mysterious I’m trouble shit is who you are but it's  _ not  _ and it's so annoying that you can't see that you're worth so much more than that." Clarke raves. 

 

"I didn't realise you cared about what I thought about myself." Lexa replies. 

 

"I care about you, and that includes how you feel about yourself." Clarke answers. Lexa shakes her head not wanting to continue the conversation - they were getting into some dangerous territory and Lexa would prefer not yelling at Clarke. 

 

"I thought you trusted me?" Lexa asks. "You shouldn't have followed me I already told you how I feel." Lexa was reminded of what Raven had said to her this morning - maybe the brunette actually would kill Lexa. 

 

"Do you not trust me? Do you think I'm stupid or something?" Clarke asks in exasperation.  

 

"You did follow a known gang member into an alleyway and then hide behind a dumpster without turning your phone on silent." Lexa replies bluntly. 

 

"Wow, fine, whatever, I get it, you don't want to be friends, you don't even want to know I exist." Clarke sounded so hurt that Lexa could feel her heart contract in her chest, making a pain rip through her upper body, even Clarke’s sky blue eyes were tainted with anger and sadness.

 

"Clarke-" Lexa begins.

 

"No, I won't follow you again, I won't even speak to you again if that's what you want." Clarke walks away from her trying to keep her tears at bay. Lexa wanted to run after her, she wanted to say she was sorry, but she could already feel the pain in her chest and she knew she was already in far too deep. These feelings were no good, they clouded her thoughts, made it hard to make the right decision when all she wanted to do was right by Clarke.  _ Have you ever considered that doing right by Clarke  _ **_is_ ** _ the right decision? _ Lexa's brain asks. She shakes the thought out right away and walks back to her bike. 

 

Anya scoots back and Lexa wordlessly slumps onto the seat. Anya was a little concerned but she also knew that when Lexa was upset she just needed some time to process things - without being badgered - but she also couldn't believe her sister was being so stupid. She made a mental note to knock some sense into her later. Lexa takes off down the alleyway, Clarke once again clouding her thoughts. 

 

Once Clarke heard the engine of Lexa's bike fade she rushes back into the alleyway to find Octavia out from her hiding place. "What the actual fuck?" Octavia asks in disbelief. 

 

"I don't want to talk about it." Clarke says and Octavia frowns. 

 

"Fuck that, we’re talking about it." She says and Clarke sighs. 

 

"Later." She replies. "Do you think Wells will help over for me?" Clarke asks and Octavia laughs. 

 

"Please, Wells would walk on fire for you." Octavia answers. "All you have to do is convince him to tell his dad that you were in the nurse's office or something." Clarke nods, that sounded like a plan, anything was better than her mom finding out that she had skipped yet again. "Clarke?" Octavia asks. 

 

"Yeah?" Clarke replies. 

 

"What the fuck?" Octavia repeats and Clarke smiles - but only just ever so slightly. "Wait until I tell Raven about this." 

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Lexa, I swear to lucifer, what the fuck? _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - And to think I actually thought you were cool.  _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - We were bros, homies, brothers in arms _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Lexa! _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Stop being a bitch and reply to me  _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Lexa ffs _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Istg. You're such a drama queen _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Your sister is hot _

 

_ [Lexa Woods] - My sister is not hot _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - So you can reply? What a surprise _

 

_ [Lexa Woods] - What do you want Reyes?  _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - For you to not be so difficult for once _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Also a million dollars doesn't sound half bad either.  _

 

_ [Lexa Woods] - I can't help you with either of those things. _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - You sure? I'm pretty sure you have a load of cash? _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Whatever. Wait until I see you Woods. _

 

_ [Lexa Woods] - What exactly would you do?  _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - I don't know, hug you? You scare me a little. _

 

_ [Lexa Woods] - I'm not a hugger  _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Ffs Lexa we need to talk about Clarke _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Lexa _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Lexa _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Lexa _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Fuck you.  _

 

Lexa tosses her phone onto her bed and let's put a loud sigh. She could hear her phone ding with every text that Raven sent but chose to ignore it. If Raven knew then Clarke had told her friends and if Clarke had told her friends then Lexa had royally fucked up - especially if Raven was willing to text her about it. She collapses on the bed and groans. She knew she was doing the right thing, pushing Clarke away was the best thing for everyone - especially Clarke - wasn't it? If it was the right thing, why did Lexa feel so wrong about it? She was interrupted, once again, when Anya enters her room deep frown set on her face. "Are you stupid?" Anya asks and Lexa sits up returning the frown. 

 

"You're the one who calls me idiot." Lexa replies and Anya rolls her eyes. 

 

"Because you are, can't you see that-" 

 

"-she obviously really likes you." Raven says looking at Clarke who was sitting on the edge of her sofa in her living room. 

 

"I hate to agree with Raven but she's right. Lexa's just scared of her feelings, she obviously has her issues." Octavia adds from her seat beside Clarke. "You should just-" 

 

"-get off your ass and go talk to her." Anya says narrowing her eyes at Lexa. 

 

"I don't think she wants to talk to me... or see me for that matter." Lexa huffs in exasperation. 

 

"So use your Romeo and stripes and make some huge romantic gesture."Anya encourages. 

 

"She's-" 

 

"-impossible." Clarke complains. "The second I think I'm getting closer to her she pulls away." 

 

"Stop-" 

 

"-being so stupid and go fucking talk to her before I drag you there myself." Anya orders. 

 

"Fine, okay, I'm going jeez." Lexa says standing up. She grabs her hoodie from the hook on her door remembering that Clarke still had her leather jacket. 

 

"Don't forget, huge romantic gesture!" Anya calls after Lexa who flips her off over her shoulder in response. _ Huge romantic gesture _ , Lexa thinks for a moment,  _ I can do that _ . She smirks before rushing down the stairs calling to Indra that she was going out. Huge romantic gesture. 

 

Clarke had attempted to kick Octavia and Raven out, so she could wallow alone in the comfort of her favourite blanket, but they refused to leave without a good reason and Clarke didn't really have one other than that. So they were sitting, talking about nothing in particular though Clarke could see Raven was dying to talk more about Lexa but she didn't out of respect of her best friend's wishes. Their little hang out was interrupted when the doorbell rang. Clarke hadn't been expecting anyone so she just assumed that maybe it was one of the neighbours, or someone who required her attention for whatever reason, she certainly wasn't expecting to open the door to Lexa. She was standing holding a bunch of flowers in her hand with her stupid, cute, smile on her face and she also seemed to be holding chocolates. Clarke stares at Lexa in complete shock, unable to fathom what exactly she was doing. "Um hi." She greets a little awkwardly, it was starting to become a little annoying how Clarke really affected her, normally she was cool and collected but around Clarke she felt vulnerable and exposed. "I've come to formally apologise." Lexa says standing up straighter and regaining her confidence. 

 

"You brought flowers... And chocolates?" Clarke asks in disbelief raising an eyebrow. Lexa nods her head, a huge romantic gesture Anya had said, this was a romantic gesture, right? "I hate flowers and I'm allergic to chocolate." Clarke replies leaning against the doorframe while trying to resist the urge to laugh. Lexa's face falls and she slumps down slightly in disappointment. 

 

"Oh." She says sadly and Clarke couldn’t hold back her laughter any longer. Lexa watches Clarke double over as she laughs and she frowns at the blonde. 

 

"I'm sorry, it's just every girl loves flowers and chocolates." Clarke answers. 

 

"Not every girl." Lexa says quickly. "Those things you said could have easily been true." 

 

"Fair point." Clarke agrees. "Do you want to come in or...?" Clarke asks moving so Lexa could come in. She enters Clarke's familiar house and places the flowers on the table that was in the hall along with the chocolates. 

,

"I wanted to say I'm really sorry." Lexa says. "Clarke, I’m really _ really _ , sorry." Lexa repeats she looked like she was about to apologise again when Clarke quickly stops her by hugging her. Lexa was slow to react at first, the last time she had hugged Clarke had been after the beating incident - unless you counted the cuddling in the bed situation. Slowly, Lexa brings her arms up around Clarke and melts into her. 

 

"I'm just glad you came." Clarke whispers and Lexa smiles softly. 

 

"Maybe I should come by more often if I get hugs like this every time." Lexa whispers back her breath brushing Clarke's neck. The two were interrupted when a pillow hit Lexa on the head causing her to jump and separate from Clarke. 

 

"That's right Woods, next time you're an ass to me and ignore my messages you'll have something harder thrown at your face." Raven says playfully narrowing her eyes. "It may possibly be Octavia." Octavia scoffs next to her.

 

"Like you could throw me, with your upper body strength you couldn't throw a feather." Octavia shoots back. 

 

"Actually, I just threw a cushion which contains multiple feathers so I could most certainly throw a feather." Raven says smugly. 

 

"Reyes?" Lexa interrupts and she turns to look at Lexa. "Run." Lexa steps towards her and Raven's eyes widen. 

 

"This is so unfair! I can't run my leg is jacked up." Raven protests 

 

"Should've thought about that before you hit me with a pillow." Lexa retorts.

 

"Don't be such a softie!" Raven yells over her shoulder as she rushes back into the living room. Lexa laughs and turns back to Clarke. 

 

"Aren't you going to chase her?" She asks with a smile. 

 

"Nah, I’ll get her back when she least expects it." Lexa shrugs.

 

"You know what Lexa, I'm really starting to warm up to you." Octavia says from her position by the the living room door. 

 

"Good to know." Lexa replies. 

 

"Okay, time we stop Raven from running before she hurts herself... Or breaks something." Octavia laughs at that and Lexa grins. She was going to be fine, maybe she was starting to develop feelings, and, yeah, maybe she actually did like Clarke's friends but that was okay, things would work out, not everyone was Costia. When the three enter the living room they find Raven lounging on the sofa textbook in front of her. 

 

"C'mon guys lets get our nerd on." Raven says with her characteristic grin. 

 

"You always have your nerd on." Octavia replies sitting beside Raven. Lexa takes a seat on the floor and proceeds to stare up at the ceiling. 

 

"Oh hell no, if you're going to crash our study party you better be studying." Raven says pulling a book out of her bag, she tosses Lexa a biology textbook and the brunette stares at it for a moment. "For all the lessons you've skipped." Raven says with a wink. 

 

"I've changed my mind, can I get her back now?" Lexa asks Clarke. Clarke pretends to consider it for a moment and Raven pulls a hurt expression but the amusement in her eyes gave her away. 

 

"No, not until she gives me her notes." Clarke answers and Lexa laughs. She reluctantly picks up the textbook and begins reading it she didn't really care but, like Raven had said, she'd crashed their study party so she might as well study herself.

 

“Hey Lex?” Raven asks after a small moment of silence. Lexa nods her head in Raven’s direction letting her know that she was listening. “How do you feel about a sleepover?” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so ready for 3x07 (except I'm really not) bring on the Clexa! If you want you can go follow me on tumblr @sparia-slays and say hi :). I hope y'all are having a good day/night and, lastly, I'm total trash guys.


	7. Polaris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa learns to never take a dare from Raven and she explains to Clarke about Polaris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, nah, nopeidy no. 3x07 never happened, I refuse to believe what happened. I'm sorry if my writing seems a little off but I've been recovering from 3x07 and my devastation. This chapter's a little more light since I think we all deserve that and I hope you enjoy.

Lexa was locked in a closet, not a metaphorical closet but, literally a closet. She had been stupid enough to take a dare over a truth and Raven had hastily pushed her and Clarke into the closet and then locked it. Lexa jingles the handle and hits her shoulder against the door in an attempt to open it. "You won't be able to open it." Clarke says from the corner of the closet. She was sitting down staring at Lexa with amusement that just evident in the very dim light. 

 

"Something funny Griffin?" Lexa asks turning back to the door. She slams her fist against it again in an attempt to get Raven or Octavia's attention. "Very funny Raven! Lock the lesbian and the bisexual in the closet." Lexa yells and Clarke laughs. 

 

"It's your fault, you're the one who decided a dare was better than a truth." Clarke says and Lexa gives up on her attempt of trying to escape - if she had a Bobby pin she would be able to unlock the door in a matter of minutes but she had none on her. "Little piece of advice, if Raven asks you truth or dare, always,  _ always _ , answer truth." Lexa lets out a sigh of exasperation and stretches out on the floor of the closet - it wasn't massive but it was long enough to fit her legs across when she sat against the wall.

 

Clarke moves from the corner and sits down across from Lexa, taking the same position, so she able to see Lexa’s face better. Lexa knew why Raven had locked them in the closet, it was her way of trying to get them to talk about their feelings, but Lexa tended to not do things she was told. "Are you okay?" Clarke asks quietly. Lexa lifts her gaze up from the floor a little until she reaches Clarke's eyes. 

 

"Just peachy." Lexa says sarcastically. "When I agreed to a sleepover I had no idea that meant that being locked in a closet. This is quite traumatic." Lexa says equally sarcastic, she was obviously joking but it did make Clarke slightly curious. 

 

"So you... did you... have a hard time coming out?" Clarke asks curiously. Lexa turns her head to the side her lips curving up ever so slightly at just how flustered the question made Clarke become. 

 

"Not really." Lexa shrugs. "I told my mom that I thought something was wrong with me because boys were ew and girls were, well,  _ girls _ ." Lexa replies. Of course she hadn't worded it that way since she had been young but Clarke was able to get a pretty good idea of how it went. "My dad was little less acceptable but my mom was great. She always supported me." 

 

"She sounds like she was a great woman." Clarke comments and Lexa smiles softly leaning her head down against the wall. 

 

"She was. She would have loved you." Lexa says matter-of-factly. "My dad always told me love was weakness but my mom loved with all of her heart." 

 

"But he must have loved your mom?" Clarke asks. Lexa nods her head. 

 

"That's how he knew that love was weakness, he would do anything for me, Anya, or my mom, and that was dangerous." Lexa explains. 

 

"Any kind of love?" Clarke asks. She couldn't believe that Lexa thought like that, it was just so... isolating. 

 

"Any love." Lexa answers. "What about you?" Lexa asks after a moment of silence had passed. Clarke was going to change the way Lexa thought - love wasn't weakness, it was strength. 

 

"Complicated." Clarke replies slowly. "My mom and dad just thought I was straight, which I did too, and when I got my first girl crush I thought it was just a phase but then I got really confused." 

 

"The confusion stage, I love that stage." Lexa comments with a grin. "I guess it was a little more confusing for you though." Lexa had always known deep down that she had liked girls but Clarke was different. 

 

"Yeah, I told my mom and she was totally supportive and so was my dad. He even said that he would give the dad talk to anyone, whether they were a boy, girl or alien." Lexa laughs at that. Jake sounded like he was a kind guy and, judging by Abby's looks, Clarke appeared to have taken after her father more than her mother. "It was easy to come out, just hard figuring it out." Clarke concludes. 

 

Lexa shifts feeling uncomfortable in her position, she was beginning to cramp up being in such a tight space. Her fidgeting caused her to move around into multiple positions, thoroughly tangling herself in Clarke's legs. "Satisfied?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow but her slight smirk was indication enough that she found it either amusing or endearing. 

 

"I thought you already knew I was a cuddler?" Lexa asks peering at Clarke. 

 

"This is hardly a cuddle." Clarke replies. Before Lexa had a chance to respond the closet door was flung open and the light from the bedroom blinded both Lexa and Clarke alike. "Shit Raven, you could have warned us." Clarke hisses. 

 

"Did you two talk?" Raven asks ignoring Clarke's scolding. Lexa attempts to stand up but she was so tangled up with Clarke she trips and lands with her hands against the wall and her face inches away from Clarke's. Her breath hitches and blood rushes to her ears, she stares into Clarke's blue orbs for the longest moment swearing that she saw the blonde's eyes flick to her lips and back up again. Lexa could feel Clarke's breath on her face and it too her a long while before she was able to compose herself - regain consciousness - and move away. Raven was standing in the closet doorway - biggest grin on her face possible - before she moved out of the doorway to let the two out. Lexa grumbles in annoyance already knowing Raven would definitely have something to say about the moment they had just shared. 

 

Clarke settles on her bed and Octavia, who was sitting beside her, gives them a curious look. Lexa still looked beet red and Clarke appeared to be flustered and fidgety. "Alright, sleep time." Raven says clapping her hands together. It was after all Monday night and they all had school the following day - if Lexa was going to bother to go that was. "I issue this room as a no hanky panky zone. That means, Lexa, you're not sleeping with Clarke." Clarke's cheeks burn with embarrassment but Lexa was as cool as ever - stoic even. 

 

"So I suppose that means it's you and I?" Lexa questions. "I've got to warn you Reyes. I'm a cuddler." Lexa winks and takes a small amount of satisfaction when she sees Raven blush ever so slightly. 

 

"Raven is worse, trust me." Octavia pipes up and Raven glares at her. 

 

"At least I don't snore." She fires back and Octavia gives her an offended look. 

 

"Excuse me? I do not." Octavia argues. Raven goes to open her mouth to reply when Clarke steps in. 

 

"Alright, enough, Octavia and I will share the bed and Lexa and Raven can sleep on the mattress from the spare bedroom." Clarke says cutting off any arguments. Lexa had figured out how their friendship dynamic worked: Raven was the sarky one who never took anything seriously, Octavia was like Raven's partner in crime but they often clashed and argued like an old married couple because they had so much in common, and Clarke was the peacekeeper, the gentle soul, the leader. Lexa wasn't sure how she fit into the group so well, most of the time she just stood at the sidelines silently agreeing or smirking with whatever arguments were happening in the group, nevertheless it seemed to work. Raven mutters under her breath but quickly perks up when she spots Lexa climbing onto the mattress - she had the perfect opportunity to ask Lexa about how she honestly felt. The light was turned off and all girls had changed into pyjamas - even Lexa who had borrowed a t-shirt and shorts from Clarke. 

 

Raven waited a while listening carefully for when she knew Octavia and Clarke would be asleep, she had slept over enough to know exactly when they we're asleep but Lexa? She had yet to learn her sleeping habits. "Lexa, I know you're awake." Raven whispers, she decided to take a shot in the dark but the way she could see Lexa's rib cage rise and a loud sigh escape her lips, she smirks at the realisation that she was right. 

 

"So what if I am?" Lexa replies. Her back was to Raven and she was staring out the window which she had climbed through before. 

 

"You need to tell Clarke how you feel." Raven says bluntly. Lexa smiles slightly at Raven's forwardness - it was one of the things she liked about the brunette. Lexa turns around so she could see Raven in the darkness. 

 

"You're right." Lexa decides she couldn't just ignore the butterflies in her stomach, or the way her chest tightened whenever she was around Clarke, she couldn't ignore her  _ feelings  _ anymore. "How do I do that?" Even in the darkness Lexa could make out Raven's distinctive eye roll. 

 

"You say,‘hey, Clarke, I think I might be falling madly in love with you." Raven replies sarcastically. "And since you appear to be some kind of gay Romeo I’d imagine you'd do it in a romantic way." Raven adds and Lexa laughs softly. Lexa ponders this for moment before feeling her drowsiness kick in, she was tired and, she wanted nothing more than to just sleep in that moment. Lexa hums her agreement before closing her eyes her mind switching off but her thoughts being clouded by Clarke. 

 

" _ Lexa _ ." Lexa hears a voice penetrate her deep sleep. "Lexa wake up." A slight tap on the head causes Lexa to groan. "Get up asshole." Lexa smirks already knowing who was calling her name. "I can see you smiling idiot." 

 

"Alright, alright, I'm up." Lexa says sitting up right. She noticed that Raven was dangerously close to her - had she been a few inches to the right she probably would have been spooning her. Lexa takes her eyes off Raven and focuses on the blonde, who was kneeling by her side, a look of excitement in her eyes. 

 

"There's something I want to show you." Clarke says excitedy. 

 

"Can't it wait?" Lexa complains - she had been enjoying the peace that sleep brought her. 

 

"No. Now come on." Clarke grabs her hand and pulls her up out of the bed. The blonde very quietly opens the door to the bedroom and slips out holding Lexa's hand firmly in her own. Lexa wanted to pay attention but with Clarke's hand wrapped around her's securely she wasn't sure what to say. "Do you know what day it is?" Clarke asks happily. Lexa was still half asleep, her initial thought was no so her first response was just that. "It's March the 3rd." Clarke replies leading them to the spare bedroom. "Your birthday." They slip inside and Clarke locks the door - just a precaution in case her mom decided she wanted to wake up and take a wander. 

 

Lexa looks at the bare bed from where they had taken the mattress and then at Clarke who was opening the window. She was slowly waking up but watching Clarke climb over the edge of the window and then drop caused Lexa to snap awake. She rushes to the window and leans her head out to peer down. Clarke was standing safely on the roof of the porch deck, her grin easily seen in the dark night. Lexa frowns, she wanted to yell at Clarke for almost giving her a heart attack but when the blonde gestures to the porch Lexa was immediately left speechless. There was a blanket spread out for them to sit on and the night sky was so clear Lexa could see every twinkling star. 

 

Lexa hops over the edge without a moment of hesitation - she was used to jumping and climbing over things with her past experiences of trying to escape from either guys who wanted to hurt her or the cops. She lands silently like a cat beside Clarke and shivers at the temperature change. Clarke leads Lexa to the blanket and they sit down side by side. Clarke then grabs the spare blanket she had brought out and drapes it over their shoulders so they were protected from the cold chill. Lexa looks up at the stars and sighs contently, she loved looking up at the stars, it was one of her favourite pass times, she couldn't explain it but she had always felt connected to the sky. "Lexa." Lexa had been so distracted she hadn't even noticed that Clarke was holding a muffin in her hand a candle pushed into the middle of it which was lit. 

 

"You're adorable." Lexa says not even regretting the comment. Clarke was positively the cutest person she had ever met and there was no doubt about it. 

 

"Shut up and make a wish." Clarke says smiling happily. Lexa thinks about it for a moment not sure of what exactly she wanted. The only thing she could see was Clarke, whose face was illuminated by the dim candle lighting and the dark shadows cast across her face made her look like a goddess. Lexa had a feeling she was dreaming - no way had she actually met someone as beautiful - maybe she had died and gone to heaven. _ I wish Clarke all the happiness in the world. _ Lexa blows the candle out, smiling slightly with her wish, she'd be happy so long as Clarke was happy - that was what she really wanted. Clarke watches her for a moment, she pulls the candle out of the muffin and tosses it aside. "What'd you wish for?" Clarke asks curiously breaking away part of the muffin. Lexa takes a bit of muffin and shrugs. 

 

"I can't tell you that otherwise it won't come true." Lexa says and she wanted this wish to come true. 

 

"There's something I've been thinking about-" Clarke begins. 

 

"Clarke look." Lexa interrupts. She places her finger under Clarke's chin and lifts it up towards the sky. Clarke was slightly surprised by the sudden contact but as soon as her eyes hit the sky she could see why Lexa had acted with such haste. A shooting star, burning up and disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared, shoots across the sky. Clarke was amazed nevertheless, she'd never seen a shooting star before, and her eyes remained fixed on the sky for a long time even after Lexa removes her finger. Lexa watches Clarke closely enjoying the excitement evident in her eyes at the sight of the shooting star. 

 

"So you speak a whole other language, huh?" Clarke asks eyes still fixed on the dark sky. 

 

"Trigedasleng, it's old and rarely spoken but my mom taught me when I was little." Lexa replies. "It was my first language before English." 

 

"Good to know." Clarke says. She'd gained a lot of knowledge about Lexa in the past few hours, most of which included her mom, it was obvious Lexa held her mom close to her and was still wounded by the loss of her mother - just as Clarke was by her father. Clarke looks at her and their eyes connect before Lexa looks away. She lifts her finger and points to the brightest star in the sky. "The North Star." Clarke says proudly - it was the one thing she actually knew. 

 

"Actually it's called Polaris, or Stella Polaris if you're feeling fancy." Lexa says. "The constant North Star, one of the most dependable guides if you're lost." 

 

"Safe passage on your travels." Clarke mutters under her breath but Lexa manages to catch it. She tears her eyes away from the star and stares at Clarke curiously. "My dad, he used to tell me this kind of saying when I was kid." Clarke answers and Lexa waits for Clarke to expand. Clarke takes a deep breath, she hadn't said the small quote since her father's funeral almost four years ago. "In peace may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again." Clarke recites and Lexa stares at her in wonderment. She'd never heard something so beautiful and meaningful and, judging by the tears threatening to fall from Clarke's eyes, the saying obviously had gravity to it for her. 

 

"I-I've never heard that before." Lexa says still staring at the blonde. 

 

"He used to say it all the time, it made me feel safe when I was scared and it comforted me in many ways." Clarke shrugs. 

 

"The North Star is how you find your way home." Lexa says - leaving out the part where she wanted to tell Clarke that she was her Polaris. "I always feel like I'm at home when I'm with you." Clarke turns her head slowly and she could see the compassion burning in Lexa's green eyes. "Clarke Griffin, I'm falling for you, I’m falling for you so hard that I'm a little scared I'm going to crash into the ground and screw everything up." Lexa confesses. "I've never felt this way about anyone." Clarke stares at her her eyes darting from side to side searching Lexa's eyes for even just a hint of hesitation or doubt but, when she sees none, she decides to take a leap of faith and leans forward until her lips meet the brunette's. The kiss started out slow as the pair of them familiarised themselves with each other but then small kisses slowly grew with their passion and they easily found their rhythm together. Clarke gently nips at Lexa's bottom lip which entices a slight moan from Lexa who pushes back with a little more force. Clarke smiles into the kiss and feels Lexa's hand cup her cheek gently causing more warmth and excitement to run through Clarke's vines. She'd waited too long for this, she'd needed Lexa's lips on her own for far too long, from the day she'd seen Lexa walk into her house with her dislocated shoulder she had wanted Lexa Woods and, now, she was kissing her while sitting on top of her porch under the North Star after sharing some of her most personal details ever. 

 

Clarke pulls away and Lexa immediately leans back, her eyes opening to show concern, she didn't want to be seen as pressuring Clarke into anything but when she saw Clarke's smile she relaxes ever so slightly. "Happy birthday Lexa." Clarke says looping her arms around her neck. "I'm falling for you too, and don't worry, it's just as hard." 

 

"How hard?" Lexa asks with a smirk leaning her face closer to Clarke's. 

 

"Shut up." Clarke replies closing the space between them. She felt like she was on cloud nine; free falling from the sky and landing right into Lexa's arms. She knew they'd eventually have to go back inside but she just wanted to spend a few more minutes with Lexa - and maybe even kiss her a few more times.

 

Lexa was the first one awake which really was strange to her, usually she slept heavily and it was near impossible to stir her from her sleep, but her mind just wouldn't shut off. Lexa looks up from her position and squints in the dim morning light to read the clock. It was six am and she, unfortunately, had school. Her mind was completely consumed by Clarke, she still didn't know exactly what they were - if they were anything really - they'd just kissed a few times, and sure Lexa had confessed her feelings as well as Clarke, but she still didn't know what that meant. Were they together now or not? Was it more of a in the moment kind of thing or was it something Clarke wanted as much as Lexa did? Lexa was somehow even more confused and her lips were still tingling with the sensation of Clarke's lips against her own - no matter how long ago it had been. 

 

She was so distracted by her thoughts that she failed to notice how Raven was sprawled across her and her leg was over her own. Lexa was so used to tangling herself up in her sleep that she barely noticed. She didn't know how the habit had even started, or even if it was a habit, she just happened to grab the nearest thing in her sleep and she'd cuddle it until she awoke. It had started after her parent's death and Lexa figured maybe it was a way of her trying to hold onto something - or maybe it had something to do with her nightmares - the fact that Raven did the same thing worried her slightly. 

 

Lexa expertly maneuvers herself out from under Raven and silently pads towards the bedroom door scooping up her clothes as she did. She'd have to go home to get a new set of clothes and to make sure she looked somewhat presentable for class and a little less like a zombie. Lexa quickly changes in the hallway and tosses the pyjamas she had borrowed into the hamper in the bathroom - she did find it quite amusing how she knew the Griffin residence more than she probably should. She quietly makes her way downstairs, careful to not make a single noise. When her hand was resting on the doorknob a voice, clear as day, stops her causing her jump from being startled. "Going somewhere?" The voice asks and Lexa curses under her breath - of course Abby was awake. Lexa turns around and runs her hand through her loose braids that were slowly falling out. 

 

"Um, yeah, I was just going home." Lexa replies carefully. Abby was staring at her and leaning carelessly against the doorframe she looked relaxed and not at all angry or tense which, why would she be, she had no idea Lexa had kissed her daughter a few hours ago. 

 

"You sure you don't want a coffee or breakfast?" Abby asks gesturing to the kitchen and Lexa quickly shakes her head no. "Okay." Abby says. Lexa nods her head and turns to exit once again when Abby stops her also again. "Lexa." Abby says and the brunette stops and faces Abby. "Clarke's dad may not be here anymore, and you may think that that gives you a free pass to hurt my daughter, but I want to make something very clear, it doesn't." Lexa swallows nervously.  _ She couldn't know, could she? _

 

"I-I... it's not my intention to hurt her." Lexa says cautiously. 

 

"I'm sure it's not but I have to warn you, if you hurt my daughter, in anyway, I will have to hunt you down and kick your ass, doctor or not." Abby says her words could be seen as playful but Lexa knew she was serious - hurting Clarke would probably result in Lexa being killed by the blonde's mother. "She trusts you, I can see that, and she likes you and as long as you make her happy then I'm more than glad she sound some solace in you." Abby says sincerely her eyes softening completely and a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

 

"You're not worried?" Lexa asks standing up straighter. 

 

"I'm always worried, but you're a good kid deep down, and I'm sure you'll do right by Clarke." Abby answers. Lexa smiles then at Abby's words, the doctor had always seen the good in her even when she'd come into hospital sporting injuries that had been caused by more than just an ‘accidental slip with the kitchen knife’ but Abby never said anything. 

 

"I'll try." Lexa says. The sound of a loud thump and a muffled groan causes Lexa and Abby to both snap their heads up in surprise. Abby laughs softly to herself and lowers her head back down to look at Lexa. 

 

"Sounds like Raven fell out of bed." Abby answers clearly amused. Lexa laughs at the thought of Raven rolling out of the mattress and landing on the floor. Even with the short drop to the floor Lexa was sure it would have hurt. "If you want to make a clean break for it, before the herd of grumpy teenagers get down here, then I suggest you go now." Abby says with a grin. Lexa hesitates wanting to say something but unsure if she should or not. "Don't worry, I'll explain to Clarke why you left." Abby says already knowing why Lexa had hesitated. Lexa nods before finally exiting the house. She takes a deep breath, she'd have to talk to Clarke later as soon as she had the chance. 

 

Clarke and co bound down the stairs lazily. Raven almost falls over her own feet and knocks into Octavia who then bumps into Clarke who grumbles in irritation; it was way too early and if Raven hadn't have fallen out of bed then they would have had bit more sleep. Clarke had noticed immediately that Lexa wasn't in the bed, and that her clothes were missing, but she just figured that maybe Lexa had gotten up earlier than them and made her way downstairs. When the group reach the base of the stairs Clarke stares at her mom who was looking at the tired teenagers who looked like being up was the last thing they wanted. "Mom?" Clarke asks rubbing her eyes. "Where's Lexa?" Raven steps forward and let's out a long stretch. 

 

"Yeah where is leather jacket?" Raven asks curiously referring to Lexa of course. 

 

"How about I make you guys breakfast?" Abby says gesturing for Octavia and Raven to go towards the kitchen. Raven shrugs and Octavia follows Raven's lead. Abby walks forward and wraps her arm around Clarke's shoulders as the pair of them walk down the hallway towards the kitchen. "Lexa had to leave to go get dressed for school but I could tell she really didn’t want to go." Abby tells Clarke squeezing her slightly in an attempt to cheer her daughter up. "So are you going to tell me what exactly happened between you two?" Abby asks and Clarke looks at her with surprise. "What? Call it mother's intuition." Abby says with a playful wink. Clarke thinks about it for a moment, her eyes scanning the photographs on the wall before connecting with her mother's again. 

 

"I don't know." Clarke answers. "I just know I want it to happen again." Abby chuckles and releases her daughter so she can go make her and her friends breakfast - bacon of course and possibly pancakes. 

 

Clarke settles at the table in the kitchen and let's out a long groan of exhaustion. She lays her head on her arms and burrows herself in them to block the world out. Her thoughts drift towards Lexa and the kiss they had shared on the roof of her porch, she could still feel Lexa's hand on her cheek and the warmth that was emitted from her body at being so close to her. "Clarke?" Raven asks and Clarke lifts her head to look at her best friend. Raven's smirk changes to a look of confusion and she raises an eyebrow in suspicion. "Why are you smiling?" Raven's asks suspiciously. Clarke hadn't even realised she was smiling. 

 

"What? I'm not smiling." Clarke brushes off hoping she wouldn't have to tell her friends at the table  with her mom standing a few feet away  about Lexa and their night time adventures - that was starting to become a thing. 

 

"Yeah you totally are." Octavia backs Raven up narrowing her eyes at Clarke. Clarke shifts feeling uncomfortable and nods her head in the direction of her mom and Octavia instantly understands but Raven, on the other hand, was little more slow. 

 

" _ What _ ?" Raven asks and Abby glances behind her at the girls a smile playing on her lips. Little did Clarke know that Abby had seen them when she'd gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom - Clarke obviously hadn't accounted for the fact that Abby had a pretty good view of the porch roof from her bedroom window. Octavia elbows the brunette in the ribs and she lets out an over exaggerated 'ow' before finally getting the message. Raven rubs her rips and shoots Octavia a glare before allowing Clarke to return to her previous position and to lose herself once again in the memory of kissing Lexa. 

 

Once all three were well fed, and Raven had had her large share of Abby's bacon, they were all rushing around attempting to get dressed in time for school. Raven had her car out front so there would be plenty of time to get to school but three girls and one bathroom was a difficult situation for them to solve. Clarke had suggested that Octavia and Raven share a shower to save time, and water, but Raven had replied that maybe she should share a shower with Clarke's mom and Clarke had almost thrown up with the thought of Raven and her mom showering together - so she quickly learnt her lesson not to tease Raven unless she wanted to be scarred for life. 

 

They were all out the door by eight am, bags over their shoulders, and their immature laughing echoing down the street. They all pile into Raven's beat up car Clarke in the back, sitting in the middle between the front two seats and leaning forward against them, while Raven took the wheel and Octavia took shotgun. "Alright spill." Octavia says while Raven focuses on starting the car up. 

 

"I'm not even sure where to start." Clarke says leaning back in her seat. She pulls her seatbelt on hoping to buy herself a little more time to try and digest her thoughts. "We kissed." Clarke breaths out and Octavia's head snaps to stare at her in disbelief and Raven looks at her in the rear view mirror her eyes wide. 

 

"You  _ what _ ?" Raven asks before plastering a grin on her face. "Holy shit Clarke, when I locked you guys in the closet I never thought it'd actually work." 

 

"It wasn't because of the closet." Clarke replies with an eye roll. "Well, I mean, not really. I learnt about Lexa in there but it's her birthday today and I thought I'd do something to surprise her and she has this thing about stars and she just looked so beautiful and we were talking and just enjoying each other's company and I even told her about my dad-" 

 

"Whoa, slow down, you're rambling." Octavia says slowing Clarke down. She takes a deep breath and once again attempts to get her thoughts together. 

 

"She told me that she was falling for me and I kissed her." Clarke sums up quickly. 

 

"Did she kiss back?" Raven asks excitedly bouncing up and down in her seat but still managing to focus on the road. 

 

"Yes she kissed me back." Clarke replies almost offended that Raven thought she wouldn't but Raven had only asked because she knew how reserved Lexa could be. 

 

"So how was it?" Octavia questions. She was able to look at Clarke since she didn't have to pay attention to the road and she could see that her friend was ecstatic. 

 

"It was..." Clarke pauses for a moment before breaking out in a huge smile, butterflies exploding in her stomach. "It was amazing. I can't believe I waited this long." Octavia laughs at her friend's obvious happiness, it was nice to see Clarke happy - especially after all the shit with Finn. 

 

"Finally Clarke scores herself someone who might actually be worthy of her." Raven comments and Clarke laughs - it was no secret that Raven and Lexa had become fast friends. 

 

“I still think you should be careful, Lexa didn’t earn her bad girl stripes from stargazing.” Octavia says twisting back around. Clarke frowns but quickly smiles again. 

 

“Actually, don’t tell I told you this, but she’s a huge dork like bigger than Raven.” Clarke jokes. 

 

“Hey!” Raven protests. “Just because Lexa and I can appreciate things other than stupid TV shows does not make us huge dorks.” 

 

“It does when you read mechanic magazines and fantasise about owning your own tools.” Octavia jabs and Clarke bursts out laughing. 

 

“Don’t say I don't have goals.” Raven replies playfully.

 

They arrive at school ten minutes before homeroom. They had all separated to go retrieve the things they would be needing to complete their first lessons so Clarke was alone at her locker. She opens it and finds Lexa’s jacket crumpled at the bottom of it. She pulls the jacket out and carefully straightens it taking care when holding the heavy material - this was Lexa’s favourite jacket and Clarke didn’t want to ruin it. “Hey sunshine.” Clarke smiles instantly when she hears the familiar voice behind her speak. She spins around to find Lexa standing behind her, smile on her face and, looking as calm as ever. Lexa was always at ease when she was around Clarke - it was one of the many things she liked about Clarke. “It’s always good to see you.” Lexa continues. Clarke holds her arm out and hands Lexa her jacket back and Lexa turns her head to the side. “I thought I told you to keep it so you can find out why it’s my favourite jacket?” She asks and Clarke smiles. 

 

“There’s plenty of time for that later.” Clarke says dismissively gesturing for Lexa to take the jacket. Lexa takes it, a feeling of satisfaction in the pit of her stomach when she realises that meant that Clarke was actually expecting there to be another time she would give up her jacket for her. She slips it on and Clarke has to refrain from biting her lip at just how well the jacket suited Lexa.

 

”I think we need to talk.” Lexa says remembering why she had showed up to Clarke’s locker in the first place. “I want to talk.” 

 

“Is this a bad talk or a good talk?” Clarke asks hesitantly - Lexa seemed to be growing a little more fidgety with each passing second. 

 

“Well that depends on how you feel.” Lexa answers and Clarke raises an eyebrow. The bell rings signaling they were to make their way to homeroom and Lexa sighs. She takes some of Clarke’s books from her arms and begins walking with the blonde down the hallway towards her homeroom. “I wanted to ask you if you, maybe, would like to, possibly, join me on a date?” Lexa rushes out unsure of how Clarke would react. Clarke’s heart skips a beat and the familiar butterflies she felt when she was with Lexa came back at full force. 

 

“A date?” Clarke asks glancing sideways at Lexa who was blushing ever so slightly. 

 

“Yes, if you’d like.” Lexa confirms. 

 

“Can you ask me in that fancy language you know?” Clarke teases and Lexa lets out a breathy laugh. 

 

“I should have known you only liked me because of my bilingual skills.” Lexa replies equally as playfully as Clarke had been. 

 

“Well it was kind of hot how you just burst into it when you were arguing. I could really get used to hearing you speak that kind of language.” Clarke says with a shrug. Lexa smirks and leans in close to the blonde’s ear. 

 

“ _ Ai laik Leksa, en ai as yu, Klark- _ ” Clarke shivers at hearing Lexa speak her first language and she couldn’t help but hit Lexa playfully on the shoulder to shut her up - she had to otherwise the brunette was going to kill her. 

 

“Yes I’ll go on a date with you.” Clarke says feeling slightly flustered by Lexa’s words - even if she didn’t fully understand what she’d said. “Shit, that was fucking hot.” Clarke says stepping back. Lexa grins and hands Clarke her books back since they had reached her homeroom. 

 

“I’ll pick you up around seven.” Lexa tells her. “ _ Leidon _ .” She finishes with a wink. Clarke watches her walk down the hallway, her walk as casual as ever, now not only was Lexa a hot bad girl who was secretly good but she was also a hot bad girl who was secretly good who could also serenade Clarke with a language she’d never even heard of. _ How was it even possible how much Lexa could turn her on by speaking a foreign language? _ Clarke shakes the thought out of her head but it’s instantly replaced by the thought that she had a date that night with the hot girl she just couldn’t seem to forget. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigedasleng Translation: "Ai laik Leksa, en ai as yu, Klark-" - I am Lexa, and I ask you, Klark  
>  "Leidon" - Goodbye  
> So I've just being trying to make it through the last few days without crying but it's not going too well. I'm not ending this fic just because of that episode - Lexa is alive in my heart. Drop a comment and let me know what you think :)


	8. Bowling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke go on a date and Anya and Raven meet each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a cute fluffy chapter with lots of Clexa but also Raven and Lexa friendship because I've been really depressed over the fact that we'll never get that on the show anymore. This was fun to write and I hope you enjoy!

When Clarke finally got home she found the house empty telling her that her mom was at work. She was straight up stairs and in her bedroom, she only had a few hours before Lexa came to pick her up and she needed to find something decent to wear and also a shower wouldn't hurt since Raven had hogged all the hot water in the morning. 

 

Clarke begins pulling clothes out of her closet, holding items of clothing up for a moment - examining it - before pulling a face and tossing it onto the impressive pile of clothes she'd deemed too lame for a date. She was terrible at the whole dressing thing, even if Lexa had told her later that day to dress casual smart - nothing too fancy but not sweats. "Where are you taking me?" Clarke had asked. "Don't worry blondie, it'll be fun." Lexa had replied. That didn't help her at all. For all Clarke knew they could just be going back to that lake they had went to in the dead of the night or, hell, they could just be going to an alleyway - who knew? - but still Clarke couldn't find any clothes she wanted to wear to any of those things. 

 

The sound of the front door opening was Clarke's answer to her prayers. She knew it wasn't Raven since the brunette had told her she had some business after school so that meant it was Octavia, just the person she needed. "Helloo?" Octavia calls. Clarke exits her bedroom, storms down the stairs, grabs Octavia's hand, ignoring the surprised yelp she let out, and drags her upstairs behind her. They reach Clarke's bedroom and the blonde points dramatically at her closet. 

 

"Help me." Clarke pleads. Octavia laughs at her friend's distress, she found it cute that Clarke was so panicked about what she was going to wear, it meant she was nervous about going out with Lexa and conscious that she couldn't just throw on sweats and a shirt. 

 

"What about Raven? Can't she help you?" Octavia asks with an amused smile. Clarke rolls her eyes and picks up a nearby shirt launching it at Octavia's head. 

 

"I'm pretty sure Raven has about five of the same shirts." Clarke says. Octavia tosses aside the shirt that Clarke had launched at her and steps forward peering into the closet to see if Clarke had more clothes. 

 

"Fine, I'll help, but where exactly is Raven?" Octavia asks. 

 

Knock. Knock. Lexa frowns and bounds down the stairs holding an apple in her hand, leather jacket removed, hair unbraided and she was no longer wearing her heavy boots. She pulls the front door open to find a grinning Raven behind it. Raven's grin falters for a moment staring directly at Lexa and blinking in surprise. Sure she had seen Lexa different before - in pyjamas - but she'd never actually seen Lexa as just  _ Lexa _ . She was wearing a tank top, revealing her tattoo, and some tight black pants but something Raven found extremely amazing - and she would most certainly tell Clarke about later - was the fact that Lexa was wearing odd socks. "Raven? Wha... What are you doing here?" Lexa asks a little off guard. She'd never told Raven where she lived, in fact, she'd never told anyone where she lived. 

 

"I tracked your phone." Raven says with a shrug. 

 

"You what?" Lexa asks feeling almost violated if it hadn't been Raven. 

 

"I have a friend who's good with computers look, the point is, I'm here now so are going to invite me in or force me to stand outside?" Raven asks. Lexa wavers for a moment before stepping back to allow Raven to enter. 

 

"What exactly is happening? Are you like a groupie now? Do I have to get a restraining order?" Lexa asks sarcastically. 

 

"Possibly." Raven plays along. "I'm here to help you." She continues resting her hands on her hips with a confident smirk on her face. Lexa shakes her head slightly in confusion - she wasn't aware that she needed help. "Get up stairs." 

 

"Raven, seriously, if you have some kind of obsession with me, I’d really like to know before I go into my bedroom with you." Lexa says feigning seriousness. Raven hits her playfully and shoves her towards the stairs. 

 

"Shut up, I'm here to make sure you don't screw up." Raven grumbles. Lexa leads Raven to her room but Raven doesn't fail to notice how expensive and huge Lexa's house truly was, the hallway alone probably had about five bedrooms, which suggests that either a) Lexa had a lot of house guests, b) a big family or c) her house was always surprisingly empty. 

 

Lexa opens the door furthest down the hall and enters leaving the door open for Raven to follow. Raven pauses at the threshold, she wasn't sure what she expected Lexa's room to look like - maybe totally black, curtains closed, with a black candle burning in the corner of the room? - but it wasn't what she expected. In fact, Raven found the room quite barren, the walls were white with a cream carpet, there was a double bed in the middle of the room which was unmade, her curtains were closed, a small desk resided in the corner of the room holding a pile of books and a closet ran down one side of the wall. It was quite small to say the house had looked so big. There was a dart board on one wall with darts sticking out of it and when Raven closed the door there was a hook on the back of it holding a selection of hoodies and Lexa's infamous leather jacket. The room, aside from the unmade bed, was weirdly clean and there was a large window facing the front of the house giving Lexa a nice view. "Why exactly are you invading on my privacy so eloquently?" Lexa asks crossing her arms across her chest and raising an eyebrow at Raven. Raven ignores her and begins sifting through Lexa's closet in an attempt to find some clothes. 

 

"I came to make sure you look your best tonight and also to make sure you don't stand Clarke up because I know you have a tendency to flee when things become a little too intense." Raven says and Lexa snorts in response. 

 

"I do not." Lexa says - she never backed down from a fight if that's what Raven was implying. Raven sticks her head out of the closet and narrows her eyes at the brunette. 

 

"I know you're a badass gangster, who doesn't shy away from violence, but when feelings are involved you become all closed off and retreat back to your little cave like a hibernating bear." Raven says and Lexa laughs at her analogy - she got the basic idea but she found it amusing how Raven explained it. Raven disappears back in the closet running her fingers along the neatly folded clothing. 

 

"So you didn't come to see my sister?" Lexa asks with a sly grin. Raven frowns pulling on different clothes that she found would probably drive Clarke insane. 

 

"No dumbass, although, if she's here I guess that wouldn't be too bad either." Raven replies with a shrug. Lexa leans against her desk and runs a hand through her brown curls. 

 

"I thought you were a stud?" Lexa asks. Raven rolls her eyes before her fingers come across a bow tie that had been shoved randomly in the closet. Raven laughs and takes the bow tie out, the tie giving her an idea. 

 

"I am a stud." Raven replies distractedly and Lexa chuckles. Raven grabs a white button down shirt and then a pair of skinny black jeans since that appeared to be the only pants the girl owned. She slips the tie beneath the shirt and exits the closet. "Okay, go change into these." Raven orders handing Lexa the pile of clothes. Lexa looks at the clothes and frowns. 

 

"I'm not wearing a shirt Raven." Lexa protests and Raven gives her a look. 

 

"I said go change into them." Raven repeats her voice giving the impression she was serious. "It'll be fun." She says breaking out into a grin which causes Lexa to cave - Raven had one of those smiles. Lexa was just about to exit when Raven stops her. "Leave your hair like that for the date." Raven says surely. "Clarke will love it plus, it looks pretty good out of your braids... kinda cute I guess." Raven comments and Lexa smiles shaking her head and taking her leave. 

 

When Lexa returns back to the bedroom she understood why Raven had pushed so much for her to go change - she thought it would be funny. She was wearing a white shirt, black bow tie and black trousers and Lexa couldn't believe she'd actually willingly put the clothes on. She opens the door to the bedroom and Raven freezes when she sees Lexa who, in her opinion, looked completely ridiculous. Raven was laughing hysterically now and Lexa figured there was nothing left to do but humour the brunette. She pulls on the ends of the bow tie, tightening it, and then spins around in a dramatic show of her clothes. "I am so happy you own those." Raven says between laughs. She wipes tears from her eyes and even Lexa was smiling in amusement until Raven pulled out her phone. 

 

"No way Reyes, no pictures." Lexa says holding up her hands to shield her face. 

 

"Oh come on, at least a selfie?" Raven asks hopefully. She was one for documenting moments through selfies and Lexa was her new friend - becoming a very close friend - that she actually enjoyed spending time with. Lexa considers it for a moment before she shrugs and relents. She steps so she's side by side with Raven and Raven holds the phone a suitable distance away to get both their faces in it. Lexa wraps her arm across Raven's shoulder using the position to stick two fingers up behind Raven's head to make it look like she had bunny ears. Both girls were far too immature to take the standard selfie so they ended up pulling silly faces giggling and laughing at their stupidness. Raven snaps multiple pictures before separating from Lexa a wide grin on her face. "Oh my God, I have to post this on Facebook." Raven says looking at a picture of Lexa sticking her tongue out and Raven with crossed eyes and Lexa's fingers peeking out from above her head. They both looked like they were thoroughly enjoying themselves their laughter evident in the stupid smiles plastered on their faces. 

 

"No way." Lexa says pulling the tie out and falling back onto the bed. Raven pouts in response. 

 

"What about Twitter?" Raven asks and Lexa gives her a look from the bed telling her no. "What? I have like four followers." Raven says. 

 

"Is one of them Clarke?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. Raven doesn't reply so her silence was enough answer for Lexa. "Then no." 

 

"But she'll love it." Raven protests sitting down on Lexa's bed. She pulls her legs up and crosses them staring down at the brunette who had her eyes closed. "Lexa?" Raven asks quietly - she could tell Lexa was tired but she had about two hours before her date with Clarke and Raven knew she needed to get things done. Lexa hums softly in question to Raven's question. "Happy birthday." Raven says remembering that it was the brunette's birthday. Lexa opens her eyes and looks up at Raven for a long moment. 

 

"For once, it actually is." Lexa admits. "Before, the only person who really remembered my birthday was Anya, and when Clarke woke me up in the middle of the night just to give me a birthday surprise, I've never felt so... valued before." 

 

"Anya cares about you." Raven says with a frown. 

 

"That's not what I'm saying." Lexa says feeling frustrated - she wasn't sure how to explain what she was feeling exactly. "I mean, I guess I just became so used to being alone, having only a few friends, that you, Octavia and Clarke is new to me." 

 

"But you like it?" Raven asks with a smirk. 

 

"I like not being alone, yes." Lexa admits. "You're company isn't too shabby Reyes." She adds and Raven smiles. Raven lays down beside Lexa and stares up at the ceiling. Lexa was very aware she should begin getting dressed but she was enjoying lying in this comfortable position with her friend. Raven closes her eyes, ready to drift off to sleep, when she feels Lexa stand up. 

 

"Where are you going?" Raven pouts. "I need a snuggle buddy." Raven moves around making herself comfortable in Lexa's bed. 

 

"Sorry, I've got to get ready for my date, how about a rain check?" Lexa asks. Raven grunts her response already falling asleep in the bed - she was a teenager and a whole day of school had worn her out rendering her tired. Lexa laughs softly but allows the brunette to sleep - she never had any objections to allowing a girl to sleep in her bed and Raven was no exception - besides, she really should get dressed. 

 

Octavia had just finished putting the finishing touches on Clarke's make up when the front door was knocked on. "Oh God, do I look okay?" Clarke asks standing up. Her hair was still slightly damp from the shower and was curling as it air dried she'd gone more casual than smart wearing black pants, a white t-shirt and then a red flannel to tie it all together. 

 

"Clarke you look amazing." Octavia assures smacking her ass just for a little extra support. Clarke rolls her eyes and exits her bedroom to go answer the door. She trusted Octavia to make her look good so she couldn’t protest too much. Clarke ignores Octavia's prancing behind her and pulls the front door open. The instant her eyes lay on Lexa her mouth runs completely dry. She was wearing a tank top, that was a little oversized, with the sleeves coming down her sides, but of course she was wearing a strapless shirt underneath to keep herself covered, on the front there was a skeleton hand pulling a rock and roll gesture, her heavy boots had been replaced by converse baseball boots, black of course, and her jeans were still as black and as skinny as ever. But what really got Clarke gaping at the girl, was the sight of her unbraided hair that was curled down her back. She looked absolutely stunning and Clarke couldn't help but feel even more intimidated by the brunette. 

 

"Uh, hi." Lexa says awkwardly she hadn't expected to see Octavia standing behind Clarke and she was rendered just as incapacitated as Clarke was by seeing the blonde. Lexa stares at Clarke for a long moment, her eyes seemed bluer and she wanted to do nothing more than to attach her lips to the blonde's and run her fingers through her hair but she couldn't exactly do that when Octavia was staring at them clearly amused. 

 

"Wow the thirst is real." Octavia comments and Clarke glares at her to shut up. "I'm just saying, I'm surprised you haven't jumped each other's bones yet." 

 

"You're disgusting O." Clarke complains pushing her gently back and Octavia laughs. Clarke steps out onto the porch and Lexa smiles at her staring into her blue eyes. 

 

"You look really beautiful." Lexa says quietly. 

 

"You don't look too bad yourself." Clarke replies with a wide smile. She couldn't help herself and reaches up and runs a hand through Lexa's tousled curls. "You should wear it like this more often." 

 

"You have Raven to thank for that." Lexa says placing her hands on Clarke's hips. "She told me you'd like it." Clarke moves her hands from Lexa's hair to her cheeks gently stroking it with her thumb. 

 

"I do like it." She mutters. 

 

"Okay, leave or I'm going to throw up." Octavia says gesturing for them to get off the porch. Clarke looks back at Lexa and raises her eyebrows. 

 

"So are you going to tell me where we're going now?" Clarke questions and Lexa steps away from her. 

 

"No way blondie. You’re just gonna have to wait and see." She says with a wink. Clarke follows Lexa to a car and she holds the door open for the blonde. "I may have borrowed Anya's car and she may or may not know about it." Lexa says closing the door and then joining Clarke in the driver's side. Clarke laughs at the fact that Lexa had taken her sister's car without her sister even knowing. 

 

"Seriously, can you please tell me where we're going?" Clarke begs but Lexa just shakes her head letting out a breathy laugh and takes off down the street leaving an incredibly frustrated Clarke beside her. 

 

Lexa pulls up to a building in a parking lot. Clarke had been so distracted by admiring the brunette that she hadn't realised they had arrived. "Close your eyes." Lexa orders. Clarke frowns and goes to look out her window when she feels a hand cover her eyes blocking her vision. "I said, close your eyes." Lexa says her voice very -  _ very  _ \- close to Clarke's ear. Clarke shivers at the thought of Lexa leaning over to her, maybe her shirt riding up a little, in fact, Clarke could feel her body pressed against her back. " _ Clarke _ ." Clarke shudders again at hearing her name roll off of Lexa's tongue. Even though Clarke couldn't see her, she knew Lexa was smirking and she could feel her body rattle as though she was chuckling. Clarke closes her eyes hoping Lexa would remove herself from her back so her heart could return back to its normal pace. Lexa lifts her hand when she feels Clarke's eyelashes brush her palm, she gets out of the car and quickly goes round the other side to help Clarke out. 

 

She holds Clarke's hand and wraps her other hand around her waist to help guide her towards the building. "I think you're being a little dramatic." Clarke comments but she was smiling. 

 

"That's right." Lexa confirms. "You should probably learn that I'm a  _ very  _ dramatic person, it's one of my many talents." Lexa jokes. Clarke snorts at that and stops when Lexa stops her. "Speaking of which, dates, not really my forte, so of this totally sucks I did warn you." 

 

"I find that hard to believe since you've pulled some serious romantic shit." Clarke retorts and Lexa grins. 

 

"Alright, open your eyes princess." Lexa says nervously - she still didn't know about this idea. Clarke blinks a couple of times, once she opens her eyes, she turns her head to the side and squints at the sign on the side of the building. It was beautifully designed and quite obviously popular with the locals. 

 

"A bowling alley?" Clarke asks turning to face Lexa. Lexa was clearly nervous - her eyes were searching Clarke's for any sign of distaste. 

 

"If you want we can go somewhere else, I don't mind, I just figured this could be fun and I-" Lexa's cut off by Clarke who wraps her in a tight hug. 

 

"I love it." Clarke says. "But you should know, I'm awesome at bowling." Clarke happily walks into the bowling alley and Lexa watches her go with a large smirk on her face. She couldn't believe that this beautiful, angelic, caring, human being was actually interested in someone like her - not just interested but apparently  _ into  _ her. It blew her mind. 

 

Lexa catches up to Clarke and laces her fingers through the blonde's hand. "I thought we could eat first, then play." Lexa says leading Clarke towards a table. She pulls the chair out for Clarke to sit and then she takes her own seats across from her. 

 

"You can relax Lexa, you did good." Clarke says lightly leaning on the table. 

 

"I was worried this wouldn't be romantic enough." Lexa stresses wiping her palms onto her pants. She rarely got nervous and the fact that Clarke could make her that way said a lot. 

 

"It's more than romantic." Clarke assures. 

 

"Raven's taken to calling me gay Romeo." Lexa reveals relaxing slightly in her seat. Clarke chuckles at the nickname - Raven would give her that name. 

 

"Yeah, well, Raven's an idiot." Clarke replies. "So what do you want to order?" She asks. Lexa pauses for a long moment just looking at the blonde sitting across from her. She couldn't believe she was here, in this place, with someone, she was falling harder for Clarke than - dare she say it - she ever was for Costia. It was worse though because Clarke was innocent, she hadn't been exposed to the true nature of Lexa's life, and the brunette was more scared than ever that that would end up getting her hurt. 

 

"Whatever you're having is good." Lexa breathes. Whatever the future held, Lexa knew one thing for certain and that was that she was going to make this night the best date Clarke had ever been on. A ding on Lexa's phone draws her attention to it. She pulls it out of her pocket and stares at the message on the screen. [Raven Reyes tagged you in a photo] Lexa frowns. "I'm going to kill her." She mutters.

 

Anya enters Lexa's room expecting to find the room either empty or Lexa lying on the bed but instead she found Raven, the girl she had met in the hallway, sprawled out on the bed sleeping, quite literally, like a baby. Anya smiles a little at the sight of seeing Raven curled up on the bed - she chose to ignore the small twinge in her chest that suggested she may be slightly jealous that the brunette was sleeping in her sister's bed. Anya was so distracted in her thoughts that she failed to notice that Raven had woken up. "Are you just going to stand there and watch? Or are you going to come and join me?" Raven asks voice huskier than usual from sleep. Anya sways on her feet slightly before entering the bedroom and closing the door quietly behind her. She walks a few steps in and stops just a few feet from Raven. 

 

"Where's my sister?" Anya asks curiously staring down at Raven with just a hint of adoration in her eyes - the brunette looked simply adorable. Like a big puppy who was sleepy. 

 

"She's on a date with Clarke." Raven replies. She tugs on Anya's hand encouraging the dirty blonde to join her on the bed. 

 

"I don't do that." Anya says awkwardly but Raven just tugs harder pulling her down beside her. 

 

"You realise your sister was practically spooning me last night? How can she be a cuddler but her big sister not be?" Raven questions and Anya settles beside Raven. 

 

"She's different than me in that way." Anya shrugs but nevertheless pulls Raven to her burrowing her head in the brunette's neck. Raven's eyes open wider and her breathing hitches at feeling Anya's lips graze her neck. "Something making you nervous Raven?" Anya asks and Raven grumbles in irritation. 

 

"Fuck you." Raven replies and Anya smirks. 

 

"I wouldn't say no if you offered." Anya admits but withdraws from Raven's neck. "But I thought you wanted to cuddle?" Raven flushes at the insinuation but she wasn't about to give in that easy. Anya shuffles and Raven twists around so she could fit closely to Anya leaving them in a spooning position. Raven didn't just do this with just anyone either so she found it a little strange that she was so willing to cuddle with Anya after only knowing her for a short amount of time. 

 

"Did you fucking see that Lexa?" Clarke yells excitedly. Lexa laughs at Clarke's enthusiasm, when she had chosen bowling she never thought the blonde would actually enjoy it as much as she so obviously was - Clarke clearly had a secret competitive side to her. "I'm kicking your ass." 

 

"Wow, okay, you're being a litre harsh." Lexa says stepping up and grabbing a ball in her hand. "I was going to take it easy on you but now." 

 

"Take it easy?  _ Sure _ ." Clarke says her voice thick with sarcasm and a laugh threatening to fall from her lips. Lexa raises her eyebrows, she steps forward and effortlessly tosses the ball forward scoring herself a strike and causing Clarke's jaw to fall open. Clarke quickly recovers herself and renews herself with new determination - no way she was about to lose to Lexa, the girl already had everything, Clarke couldn't let her take her crown in bowling, no way. Ever since she'd been in preschool Clarke had been the bowling champion. 

 

Clarke's bowling shoes squeak on the polished flooring and she positions herself at the end of the runway. She expertly lines up her shot and just as she was about to let the ball fly she felt a hand rest on her waist. Clarke jumps and drops the ball causing it to fall into the gutter and ruin her shot. Clarke whirls around and glares at Lexa who was laughing so hard she was almost on the ground. "That's cheating!" Clarke says angrily thoroughly unimpressed by Lexa's dirty antics. 

 

"No it's not, it’s tactics." Lexa says with a grin. 

 

"Hand me another ball." Clarke orders determined to score on her second shot. 

 

"That's what she said." Lexa mutters picking up the appropriate ball that Clarke had chosen multiple times. Clarke rolls her eyes at Lexa's immature comment and lines up her shot once again. She ignores Lexa's prying eyes that she could feel on her and takes the shot scoring herself a spare. "See? You did fine." Lexa says with a smile. 

 

"Shut up, I don't talk to cheaters." Clarke says and Lexa laughs. 

 

"Clarke." Lexa complains pouting like a puppy. "Clarke  _ please _ ." She repeats. Clarke clamps her mouth shut and avoids eye contact with the brunette but she places herself in front of Clarke and wraps her arms around her waist leaving Clarke with no other choice but to look her in the eyes. "Please talk to me." Lexa pleads and Clarke caves. She leans in and kisses Lexa gently on the lips, pressing herself impossibly close to the brunette. Clarke feels Lexa's lips turn up and she smiles in response. She slowly licks the bottom of Lexa's lip and she eagerly opens her mouth more than happy to deepen the kiss. Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa's neck and pulls her down harder until she heard a small moan escape her lips. Clarke pulls away grinning like an idiot, she found it highly amusing that she could make Lexa moan even just from a kiss. "Hm." Lexa says, her eyes still closed, she gently nudges Clarke's nose with her own in question. "Why are we stopping?" She whispers drawing her lips over Clarke's cheek and then back to her lips. 

 

"Because it's your turn and I needed to distract you a little." Clarke says pushing Lexa towards the bowling lane. Lexa opens her eyes and frowns in disapproval - Clarke could also play dirty. Lexa could already feel the affect the kiss had had on her rendering her mind foggy and her lips still tingling. 

 

"All you did was turn me on." Lexa mutters under her breath and Clarke turns her head to the side missing what she had said. 

 

"What?" Clarke asks not missing the fact that Lexa was now blushing furiously as she picked up the bowling ball. 

 

"Nothing." Lexa says dismissively throwing the ball and missing horribly. She picks up the next one but her knees were still wobbly from the kiss rendering her bowling skills useless. 

 

"Talk about taking it easy." Clarke comments clearly finding the whole thing amusing. Lexa glares at her and let's out a huff of annoyance. 

 

"Oh that's how you want to play this?" Lexa asks. 

 

The next hour the two teased and distracted each other in attempts to get the other to mess up. Lexa's ultimate favourite one was when she had kissed Clarke's neck from behind and wrapped her arms around her waist while the blonde had been trying to line up her shot. She'd been so loose in Lexa's arms that she dropped the bowling ball and it rolled backwards, rather than forwards, then caused a nearby waiter to trip and give the two a death glare. Clarke had quickly apologised but all Lexa had done was snigger trying to stifle her laughter. 

 

The game ended with Clarke winning and her title as bowling champion was maintained - but only by a very small difference. "We should enter couples tournaments." Clarke says playfully as Lexa reaches into her pockets to retrieve the change she had shoved into it earlier. 

 

"Oh?" Lexa asks raising her eyebrows. "So we're a couple now?" Clarke's eyes widen and she feels panic rise in her chest. 

 

"Well I mean, I don't know what we are, I mean, I just kind of assumed I thought we were and I really like you, and you're an amazing kisser, and I don't really want to see anyone else, and then-" Clarke's cut off by Lexa's lips crashing against her own. Lexa pulls away smiling at the blonde -  _ God she was adorable when she rambled. _

 

"It's okay Clarke, I like the idea of us being a couple." Lexa admits and Clarke nods her head - her racing heart settling slightly, but only slightly, Lexa still made her feel very much on her toes. 

 

"Was that your way of telling me to shut up?" Clarke asks smoothing Lexa's shirt out. 

 

"At least it was nicely." Lexa says playfully and Clarke pushes her away gently amusement dancing in her eyes. "So what? Are you my girlfriend now?" Lexa asks wiggling her eyebrows. "The old ball and chain." 

 

"That's if you're married dumbass." Clarke replies hitting Lexa on the head gently. "Plus I take offence, I'm not old, nor am I attached to your leg." 

 

"Sorry, I meant the young ball with no chain." Lexa corrects. 

 

"Girlfriend is fine." Clarke says ignoring Lexa's comment. "Where are we going?" She asks noticing Lexa was leading her towards a section of the bowling alley where there were multiple arcade games set up. 

 

"I want to win something for m'lady." Lexa says stopping at an old claw machine. Inside there were multiple soft toys ranging in lots of different wild animals. "Pick one." Lexa

Says popping a quarter into the machine. 

 

"I'm pretty sure these things are rigged." Clarke says unsure of why Lexa even wanted to try. 

 

"I said pick one Clarke, not discuss the science behind it." Lexa replies earning her a grumble and an eye roll from Clarke. Clarke peers into the glass scanning the various animals, she was immediately drawn to the giraffe - probably because it was the largest toy in there which meant it was probably the hardest to get. "You want the giraffe don't you?" Lexa asks like she could read Clarke's mind. 

 

"No..." Clarke says innocently. Lexa laughs but begins her first attempt, she manages to grab the leg of the giraffe and move it a few inches towards them before it slips from the claw’s grip. Clark was watching Lexa with a smile, she was biting her tongue in concentration and her eyes were focused on what she was doing. Clarke noticed her hands moved expertly almost like she had done this a million times and maybe she had. Clarke imagined a small Lexa coming to the bowling alley and playing for hours on the claw machine trying to get one soft toy from the machine. A young Lexa was something Clarke found fascinating, sure she was technically young now but really young, like pigtails young, was something very interesting to Clarke. She couldn't imagine Lexa any other way than she was now - which was all leather and hotness. "Lexa you don't-" Clarke stops mid sentence when she watches, in disbelief, as a dangling giraffe soft toy drops into the bin. Lexa reaches her hand in and pulls out the giraffe. Lexa smirks and presents the giraffe to Clarke. 

 

"You were saying?" She asks in a teasing time. "I suggest the name Lexa." 

 

"That's creepy." Clarke comments. Lexa frowns and looks at the giraffe. 

 

"I find that a little offensive, Lexa is a good name." Lexa says turning the giraffe's head back towards Clarke as well as her own. "If you're feeling fancy then Alexandria is a good option." 

 

"You're literally just telling me to name the giraffe after you." Clarke rests her hands on her hips. "You realise that I'll probably end up sleeping with it." Lexa wiggles her eyebrows and Clarke shakes her head. Lexa sighs and steps closer to Clarke. 

 

"Fine, then I suggest Jeff. Jeff the giraffe." Lexa says handing the soft toy to Clarke. Clarke laughs softly in response and hugs the toy to her chest. 

 

"Jeff, I like that." Clarke decides and Lexa smiles. 

 

"Time to get you home." Lexa says glancing at her watch. "Your curfew is eleven right?" 

 

"Since when do I ever stick to my curfew?" Clarke asks placing the soft toy under her arm and linking her hand with Lexa's. 

 

"I'm trying to be responsible here." Lexa says pulling Clarke closer to her as they made their way out of the bowling alley. 

 

"Well it doesn't suit you." Clarke jokes. Lexa laughs and the pair walk hand in hand out of the bowling alley talking and laughing like the two teenagers they were. 

 

Lexa got Clarke home five minutes before her curfew set in which was good because her mom had finished early that evening since the hospital had been quiet. Lexa was leaning against the doorframe to the front door, looking completely relaxed and at ease, hands shoved into the pockets of her tight pants. "I had fun tonight." Lexa says. She sounded a little tired which was understandable since she never seemed to get the right amount of sleep - what with all her night time exploring. "We should do this again sometime." Lexa adds. Clarke fiddles with the giraffe that was wrapped securely in her arms and looks at Lexa. 

 

"I just want to be one hundred percent clear on this, are we officially dating now? Like girlfriend girlfriend or...?" Clarke asks and Lexa smiles. She leans in and places a kiss on Clarke's lips that lasted way too short in her opinion. 

 

"Yes Clarke, I really like you and I hope you really like me too." 

 

"I do." Clarke says not missing a beat. "I'll see you tomorrow right?" She asks Lexa hopefully. 

 

"Of course." Lexa says with a small smile. Lexa goes to walk away but Clarke catches her wrist before she can. Lexa turns around and the instant she does Clarke’s on her lips, catching the brunette off guard, but she quickly responds snaking her arms around Clarke's waist and earning her a sigh of contentment from the blonde. The kissing quickly becomes heated and Clarke was beginning to wonder if maybe her hormones had doubled in the last few weeks - Lexa seemed to send her into overdrive and kissing her lips was almost like a drug that she just couldn't get enough of. The only thing that tore the two apart was the sound of a throat being cleared. Clarke steps back feeling very embarrassed that her mom had walked in on them kissing so passionately but Lexa seemed unfazed. "I should be going." Lexa announces. "Goodnight Dr Griff- Abby." Lexa calls to Clarke's mom. Abby waves slightly in response and Clarke gives Lexa a reassuring smile. "Goodnight Clarke." Lexa says lowly before turning to walk away. 

 

“Goodnight Lexa.” Clarke whispers. She watches her for a moment before closing the door and facing her mom. Abby was grinning, eyebrows raised, with her hands resting on her hips. She was giving Clarke a funny look which Clarke couldn't place. "What?" Clarke asks after a small amount of time of being stood in that position. 

 

"I never said anything." Abby says walking back towards the living room but her voice implied she did have some thoughts on the matter. Clarke rolls her eyes and follows after her mom. 

 

"Mooom." Clarke complains dragging her feet. She really hoped her mom wasn't about to give her a speech on safe sex or something, that would be totally embarrassing, not to mention Clarke wasn't at that point with Lexa yet -  _ not yet _ . She did, however, want to talk to her mom about the date - she shared everything with her and it'd be weird for her not to.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Raven and Anya kind of snuck up on me. I've read fics with them together before but I never really planned on making them a thing but now I'm kinda thinking it would be cute. Let me know what you think and let's all forget that 3x07 ever happened :)


	9. Road Trips and Diners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke grow closer and disgust everyone around them with their love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a little intense towards the end but it's all good :) Thank you for all the kudos and comments it makes my day and I'm pleased you all like Rayna. I wasn't sure at first, I even considered Octaven, but I like Rayna better I think - we'll see ;) I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Lexa wasn't sure how long she'd been making out with Clarke for but it was long enough that somehow Clarke had maneuvered herself onto her lap. Clarke was sitting on Lexa's lap, who was sitting on the edge of the blonde's bed, her legs were either side of Lexa's and Lexa had her hands on Clarke's hips to steady her. They were locked in a very heated make out session and Lexa was very aware of Clarke's hands that were inching closer to the hem of her shirt. Clarke moves her lips from Lexa's lips to her neck nibbling gently on the tender skin there. "Clarke." Lexa mumbles her head rolling back to expose her neck more. Clarke hums against Lexa's skin, vibrating against Lexa's throat, causing the brunette to moan slightly. "We should stop." Lexa says moving her hands from Clarke's hips and down her thighs. 

 

"Why?" Clarke asks innocently not bothering to detach her lips. She moves back up Lexa's neck to her lips and slips her tongue into Lexa's mouth silencing all protests. That's when a loud bang on the door startles Clarke from her position and forces them apart. 

 

"Clarke I swear to God, if you make us wait any longer because you're too busy to take your tongue out of Lexa's throat, then I will personally see to your death!" Raven yells from the other side of the door. Lexa laughs and lays back on the bed and Clarke rolls her eyes straightening up but not removing herself from the top of Lexa. 

 

"That's why." Lexa informs Clarke, smiling up at her, amusement twinkling in her eyes. "Also because we were heading into some new territory... and I wasn't sure what was happening." Lexa says. Clarke frowns in confusion and leans down so she was closer to Lexa. 

 

"What do you mean?" Clarke asks curiously. Lexa pauses, tracing circular patterns on Clarke's thigh. 

 

"Kind of felt like that was heading somewhere." Lexa says with a shrug. Clarke smiles and moves her hands from her sides to rest on Lexa's stomach above her shirt. 

 

"It was." Clarke murmurs slipping her hands beneath Lexa's shirt. She begins caressing Lexa's flat stomach and smirks when she sees Lexa's eyes widen. "Just not my pants." Clarke says standing up leaving Lexa a little light headed and unsatisfied - the blonde was a little too good at teasing her. 

 

"That's okay. You know that, right?" Lexa asks sitting up. Clarke looks at her curiously from her closet where she was searching for her favourite jacket. "If you're not ready, then I'm perfectly okay with waiting." 

 

"You don't mind?" Clarke asks turning to face Lexa fully. 

 

"Clarke." Lexa says softly reaching her hands out towards Clarke. Clarke takes them and steps towards Lexa to allow her to wrap her arms around her. "I would never,  _ ever _ , make you do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. I don't mind waiting, it's one of the many talents I mentioned before." Clarke chuckles and leans her head on top of Lexa's. 

 

"Finn said the same thing." Clarke replies feeling very small. He'd made the same promises and yet he broke them all - along with her heart. 

 

"I'm not Finn." Lexa says. "I don't want to hurt you Clarke. I’d never do what he did to you." Clarke was silent for a moment digesting what Lexa was saying. She trusted Lexa, she knew that she wouldn't go and sleep with another girl just because Clarke wasn't giving it up, but that didn't stop her insecurities. "I think you have to worry more about what I get up to on my own." Lexa says trying to lighten the mood. 

 

"Speaking of which, what exactly do you have planned tonight? Raven mentioned that you and Anya had something going down." Clarke asks separating from Lexa - Lexa was immediately disappointed with the loss of contact but she didn't let it show. 

 

"It's nothing really, just a meeting with a couple Azgeda who have been causing trouble." Lexa says nonchalantly. Clarke gives her a look and Lexa stands up. "Don't worry about it, everything will be fine, you know me." 

 

"Yes, I do know you, and that's why I'm worried." Clarke says walking towards her bedroom door. 

 

"You know who I am and what I do." Lexa replies. "I've got to take care of this or things will get out of hand and then things really will be dangerous." 

 

"So I'm not a good enough distraction?" Clarke asks pulling Lexa in for a long kiss. Lexa pulls away a smile playing on her lips. 

 

"You're a terrible distraction which will cost me my job." Lexa answers kissing Clarke again. It was true that she had allowed herself to get lost in Clarke for the past week, forgetting about her lifestyle, which meant things had gone a little sideways and now Indra needed Lexa to pick up her game and get the other loose cannons back on track. 

 

"Clarke, if you don't come down here now, we'll leave without you two kids." Abby calls from the base of the stairs. Clarke leans her head against the door and pushes Lexa away gently. 

 

"Enough distractions." Clarke decides. "I think our friends have pretty much had enough of us." Lexa laughs and follows Clarke out of her bedroom linking hands with the blonde. 

 

As they were coming down the stairs Raven was stood at the bottom looking severely unamused, Octavia looked impatient but Abby was standing smiling wide at how happy her daughter was. "I think I have to issue a bedroom door open rule when you two are up there alone." Abby says and Clarke blushes. 

 

"We weren't doing anything." Clarke protests and Abby smirks and gives her daughter a knowing look. 

  
  
  


"Come on kids, let's go for breakfast." Abby says ushering all of the teenagers gathered in her house out the door. They had all decided to go for breakfast as a big group and Abby was going along with them since everyone was in agreement that she was the 'cool' mom out of all the other moms - which really was just Raven's. 

 

"I call shotgun!" Octavia yells jogging towards the car. 

 

"No fair! You're always shotgun!" Raven protests running after her friend. Clarke laughs at her friends' behaviour and Lexa joins in. 

 

When Clarke and Lexa reach the car they find Octavia in the front and Raven sitting in the middle of the backseat. "If I'm going to be in the back with you two, no way are you going to be sitting together, I don't want a live sex show." Raven says grumpily. Clarke was about to protest but Lexa was already settling next to Raven with a shrug - she knew Raven wouldn't budge so there was no point in fighting her on it. Clarke makes her way to the other side and sits next to Raven. She did find it very disappointing that she couldn't sit beside her girlfriend but Raven was okay - she supposed. Abby gets in the driver's seat last and starts the car up. "Seat belts." She orders and everyone follows suit, well, everyone except Lexa. Abby narrows her eyes at the brunette in the rear view mirror. "You may be seventeen but that doesn't excuse you from following the rules." 

 

"Lexa's new to following the rules." Raven pipes up. "She's like a little puppy you've got to train to do good." 

 

"Did you just describe me as a dog?" Lexa asks raising her eyebrows. 

 

"Maybe." Raven replies. Lexa shakes her head but buckles up anyway. "Mrs G, put the radio on." Raven begs and everyone groans. 

 

"No way Raven, last time you wouldn't shut the hell up, even after we got out the car." Clarke complains from her seat - all Abby did was chuckle and Octavia nodded her head in agreement. 

 

"Oh c’mon, it's an hour drive, we have to do something to entertain us." Raven reasons. She wasn't wrong, it was a long drive out to the diner, but when Clarke's dad had been there they used to make a family trip up to it once a month and it kind of became their thing - even if Raven and Octavia weren't blood family, they were still family. Abby kept the tradition alive but of course Clarke was growing up, and so were her friends, and she was afraid they'd no longer want to go with her to the diner. It also didn't hurt that the place had the best pancakes Abby had ever tasted - although Raven disagreed saying Abby's were much better. 

 

Abby flips the radio on, giving in to Raven's demand, and the aspiring mechanic lights up. Lexa looks at Clarke coaxing a smile from the blonde just by looking at her and Raven rolls her eyes and turns their heads back towards the front of the car. The song ‘She's Kinda Hot’ by 5SOS started playing through the radio and everyone was surprised when Lexa started tapping along with the beat. "My girlfriend's bitchin’ cause’ I always sleep in, she's always screamin’ when she's calling her friend, she's kinda hot though, yeah, she's kinda hot though." Lexa sings along. Abby was laughing along with Octavia, Clarke was staring at Lexa in amazement and Raven was grinning ready to join in. 

 

"My shrink is telling me I've got crazy dreams, she's also saying I've got low self-esteem, she's kinda hot though, yeah, she's kinda hot though." Raven sings and Lexa looks at her. 

 

"She put me on meds, she won't get out of my head, she's kinda hot though." They sing together high fiving each other. 

 

"1, 2, 3, go!" Octavia yells along with the song. Raven and Lexa go back to back and make a show of doing their air guitar strumming to the loud music. 

 

"My friend left college cause’ it felt like a job, his mom and dad both think he's a slob, he's got a shot though, yeah, he's got a shot though." Clarke sings causing all attention to be on her. 

 

"When you've got bigger plans, that no one else understands, you've got a shot though." Octavia joins in and Abby shakes her head. 

 

"They say we're losers and we're alright with that!" They all scream together and clap along dancing like complete idiots but mostly just having fun. "We are the leaders of the not-coming-back’s, but we're alright though! Yeah, we're alright though!" Clarke looks at Lexa who was smiling so wide she was sure the brunette's cheeks would hurt. "We are the kings and the queens of the new broken scene, but we're alright though!" They all laugh and take a short break to catch their breaths. The car journey wouldn't be that bad - even if Clarke wished she was closer to Lexa rather than sitting with Raven between them.

 

The diner was a blessing in more ways than one: Raven was happy because she had to pee badly, Octavia was starving, Abby wanted to get out the car and relieve herself of singing teenagers and for Clarke and Lexa, they were finally together again without anyone in between them. They all - excluding Raven - make their way to a booth and sit down in it. Clarke was next to Lexa and opposite sat her mom and Octavia. Once Raven was done at the bathroom, she joins Octavia giving Lexa and Clarke all the space they required to be gross - or whatever. 

 

Under the table Lexa was holding Clarke's hand and resting their interlocked hands on her thigh. She was calmly stroking her thumb over Clarke's smooth skin, tickling it softly, and Clarke found the action very relaxing. Lexa found that she felt calm herself just being around the blonde. "What do you want?" Clarke asks quietly not even bothering to look at the menu. "My mom swears by their pancakes but I prefer the French toast." She explains. Lexa's eyes scan the menu for a second before she turns to look at Clarke again. 

 

"Anything, I don't mind." Lexa replies. Clarke raises an eyebrow in suspicion. 

 

"You want me to order for you?" Clarke asks. Lexa nods in answer, truth be told she was still a little sleepy and debating what she wanted to eat was something Lexa just couldn't be bothered to do - she'd much rather cuddle Clarke. Clarke leans her head against Lexa's shoulder and sighs. Raven and Octavia were talking quietly about something so Abby took that opportunity to drop the bomb she'd been holding onto. 

 

"I was talking to Mrs Collins today..." Abby trails off when Clarke stares at her in disbelief.  _ Surely her mom had said the wrong name. Finn was gone, wasn't he? _ Lexa frowns feeling Clarke tense beside her. 

 

"Collins?" Lexa asks recognising the name but unable to place it. Clarke looks up at Lexa briefly before staring back at her mom. 

 

"They're back Clarke, apparently Finn didn't fit in too well in his new school and they thought it'd be best for him to move back." Abby explains.

 

"Finn doesn't fit in anywhere." Raven pipes up. She sounded just as pissed as Clarke looked and now Lexa fully understood why. 

 

"Of course he's back, I should've known." Clarke grumbles. Lexa pushes aside her anger at the boy she'd never met and focuses her attention on making Clarke feel better. Lexa leans her head closer to Clarke’s ear and whispers softly into it. 

 

"Forget about him." Lexa whispers lowly her teeth nibbling gently at Clarke's ear. Clarke giggles at the sensitive spot Lexa had found and she kisses down Clarke's neck before pulling away. "Better?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. 

 

"No way." Clarke replies grabbing Lexa's face and pulling her lips onto her own. Raven let's out a loud groan of disgust and Octavia yells ‘ _ Stop being gross! _ ’ at the pair - even Abby let out a small ‘ew’ at them. Clarke ignored them all and Lexa just happily obliged kissing Clarke back but not nearly as hungrily as the blonde was kissing her. Clarke separates herself from Lexa's lips although reluctantly. "Now I'm better." Clarke says and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"Can we eat now?" Raven asks waving for the waitress to come over. 

 

"I don't know if it's safe, I might throw up if those two start making out like that again." Octavia comments. "No PDA at the dinner table, right Abby?" Octavia asks and Abby nods her head. 

 

"No PDA at all." She replies. 

 

"Where's my kiss anyway Woods? I need a little cheering up myself." Raven jokes with a grin. 

 

"Let me call my sister, see if she can help with that." Lexa teases which causes Raven to blush. 

 

"Oh my God, Raven Reyes is blushing!" Clarke bursts. 

 

"What can I get you?" The waitress saves Raven from embarrassing herself any further. Everyone looks at Abby who rolls her eyes - she should have known that they'd want her to go first, they always did. 

 

After the long drive back home full on French toast, which Clarke was totally right was absolutely delicious, Lexa was lying beside Clarke on her bed. "Anya texted me and told me that the meeting’s been pushed back till  tomorrow night ." Lexa informs her girlfriend. 

 

"Good because I thought we could totally make out for the rest of the day." Clarke says pushing herself up so she was beside Lexa. 

 

"I'm pretty tired, maybe we could-" Lexa stops talking the instant she feels Clarke's lips on her neck. The blonde was absolutely infuriating and impossible to talk to but Lexa loved it, she loved that Clarke challenged her. Lexa pushes Clarke back and rolls over so she's on top of her and quickly connects their lips with her hands either side of Clarke's head. She didn't trust herself to put her hands on Clarke's body, they tended to wander whenever she did that, but Clarke made no such preservations. She lets her hands run up from Lexa's hips where they gather up the fabric of her shirt. Her hands touch the soft skin beneath Lexa’s shirt and almost send Clarke into overdrive - even this small amount of contact was enough to drive her insane. Lexa moans and pulls away her chest rising and falling rapidly as she did so. "Clarke." Lexa says and Clarke smiles up at her not removing her hands from Lexa's body. 

 

"It's okay." Clarke says taking one of Lexa's hands. Lexa frowns at her unsure of what Clarke was saying.  _ Wasn't it just this morning she had told Lexa that she wasn't ready? No, that's not what Clarke meant. _ "I'm ready for more contact, just not... You know." Clarke trails off hoping Lexa got the message. 

 

"Oh." Lexa says in understanding. Clarke laughs softly and brings Lexa's hands to her stomach encouraging the brunette to continue to do what she was doing. Lexa reconnects their lips and moves her hands slowly up Clarke's shirt resisting the shudder her body was dying to let out. She could feel Clarke under hands for the first time, skin on skin, granted it wasn't much skin but it was enough. Clarke grunts pulling Lexa down harder her body involuntarily grinding into Lexa's as she felt her girlfriend effectively groping her. It wasn't like Clarke hadn't gone that far before with Finn but this was different - Lexa made her feel different - she made her feel like she mattered and Lexa was gentle about it always making sure Clarke was okay with silent looks with her eyes. 

 

Lexa sucks tentatively on a particularly soft spot on Clarke’s neck, raking her teeth smoothly over the surface of her neck and leaving a noticeable hickey. "Lexa!" Clarke scolds pushing the brunette off of her. It was all in good fun, and Lexa was smirking, though she felt suddenly sad that she was no longer as close to Clarke as she had been. "I can't believe you did that." Clarke complains. 

 

"I just want people to know you’re mine." Lexa replies innocently trailing a finger down Clarke's stomach. 

 

"People already know that." Clarke grumbles. She wasn't really annoyed at Lexa but Lexa's attempts to make her not so grumpy were always the best. Lexa thinks for a moment before pulling Clarke up to the top of the bed. 

 

"How about we watch a movie and cuddle?" Lexa suggests. Clarke pulls her laptop out from under her bed and settles into a cuddling position with Lexa the laptop resting between them. 

 

"You also meant making out right?" Clarke asks playfully. Lexa scoffs and looks down at the blonde that was nestled into her side. 

 

"Of course." She replies.

 

Later that night, once Lexa had left, Abby took it upon herself to pull her daughter aside for a much needed talk. Clarke was weary since her mom was acting awkward and she had a pretty good idea why her mom was being so weird. She gestures for Clarke to sit on the sofa across from her and Clarke does so staring at her mom to say something. "I love you Clarke and this talk is just as awkward for me as it is for you." Abby begins and Clarke frowns. 

 

"Mom, I don't need this, really." Clarke says going to stand up but Abby stops her with a look. 

 

"Now I know you and Lexa are getting closer but I don't want you to rush into anything." Abby starts again. "Last time we talked you were still a virgin, has that changed?" Abby asks and Clarke wanted to die. _Why was her mom doing this_ _to her?_ _She was killing her with embarrassment._

 

"Yes." Clarke answers not making eye contact. Her mom was being ridiculous - there was nothing Clarke didn't already know. 

 

"Good, as much as I would like to keep you that way, I also remember what it was like to be a teenager and I know that you and Lexa are probably heading that way. I mean, I saw you two at the diner." 

 

"It's not that big of a deal." Clarke says cooly but her mom just smiled knowingly. 

 

"If it's not such a big deal then why do you feel the need to wait? I get it Clarke, you want your first time to be with someone you love and you want it to be special, which means it is a big deal, at least it is to you." Abby says and Clarke frowns at the fact her mom had completely broken down her thought process. "Lexa isn't pressuring you is she?" Abby doubted it but sometimes the nicest people had an ugly side. 

 

"What? No, mom, she would never." Clarke assures. "She's being a perfect, patient girlfriend." 

 

"Good." Abby says and she meant it. "Before we get into this, could you answer me a question?" Abby asks and Clarke nods her head for her mom to carry on. "Do you love her?" Clarke pauses for a long moment her mind feeling overwhelmed by the simple question. She didn't know the answer to that question, there was no doubt she felt strongly about Lexa, but it had only been a couple of weeks  - Clarke didn't know if it was even possible to fall in love with someone so fast. 

 

"I don't know." Clarke says carefully. "I really like her, she's funny, and she's actually really smart, and she always wants what's best for me, plus she's a total dork, and she's just a big softie underneath that hard exterior. She's got the best smile that always gives me butterflies, and when she kisses me, I feel as though there's no one else in the world." Clarke confesses. Abby laughs and kisses her daughter on her head. It was pretty obvious to Abby the answer to the question she'd asked Clarke but she had to let her daughter come to that conclusion on her own otherwise she'd just be a meddler. 

 

"Alright, could you pass me that leaflet? We have a lot to discuss." Abby asks and Clarke grimaces with anticipation of what was to come.

 

Lexa closes her locker to find a blonde standing behind it - she looked as though she was about to walk away but Lexa had caught her before she had. "What do you want?" Lexa asks coldly narrowing her eyes at her. 

 

"Lexa I-" Costia trails off unsure of what to say to her. _ I'm sorry? No, that didn't cut it and Lexa had clearly moved on. _ "You have a meeting with Azgeda tonight." 

 

"Figures you would know that." Lexa says turning to face Costia. "Why? Ss the meeting with you?" Lexa raises an eyebrow and Costia stares at her - she'd almost forgotten how beautiful Lexa was. 

 

"No, I just have a bad feeling about it." Costia replies ignoring Lexa's tense tone. "I don't think you should go alone... in case you get hurt." Lexa laughs sharply. 

 

"Like you care." Lexa says rolling her eyes. 

 

"I do care Lexa." Costia tries and Lexa shakes her head in disbelief. 

 

"That's obviously not true otherwise you wouldn't have hurt me the way you did." Lexa fires back. She was about to walk away when Costia grabs her arm and stops her from walking away. 

 

"Please Lex, listen to me." Costia begs. "I'm sorry about what happened, okay? There's not a day that passes by that I don’t regret ever doing that to you. But you have to hear me when I say that the Azgeda are planning something and you're going to walk into it unknowingly." Costia warns. Lexa pulls her arm free of the blonde's grip. 

 

"I don't need to do shit." Lexa says angrily. "The Azgeda can't do anything to me, we have a deal." 

 

"You know Nia!" Costia interrupts feeling exasperated with her ex-girlfriend. Lexa stares at Costia for a moment, her anger slowly fading, and she sighs. 

 

"If it makes you feel better, I'll take Anya with me." Lexa says. She didn't know why she was saying it, she was stubborn, no way she would actually take Anya, Costia was just overreacting the Azgeda wouldn't try anything and, even if they did, Lexa was more than capable of looking after herself. 

 

"Lexa." Costia sighs she knew the brunette better than anyone and she knew she was lying. "Please take this more seriously." 

 

"I'm done talking to you now." Lexa says dismissively. "Can we just go back to ignoring each other again?" Lexa asks walking away from her. Costia watches after her and let's out a long sigh. That was the first conversation they'd had since the whole blow up and, even though Costia hoped it wouldn't be the last, she didn't know if Lexa was willing to speak to her again or if she would ever be willing forgive her. She frowns when she sees Lexa lean against the lockers beside the blonde haired girl Roan had told her was called Clarke. A feeling of jealousy spikes in her chest. She turns on her heel and pushes her way down the hallway ignoring the heaviness in her chest. 

 

Lexa, on the other hand, couldn't be happier. Of course being cornered by Costia like that had caught her off guard, and she was obviously still angry about everything, but she noticed that there was no more butterflies or longing in her chest when she looked at Costia. She didn't feel anything really - maybe she still cared about her a little. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke's waist and sighs happily in her ear. Clarke laughs and twists around in Lexa's arms already knowing who was behind her. "Good morning." Clarke says with a bright smile. 

 

"It is now." Lexa replies ready to kiss Clarke but stopping herself. "So any sign of dickhead?" Lexa ponders referring to Finn of course. 

 

"I haven't seen him yet." Clarke says. She knew that eventually she would have to see him but she just didn't want to. 

 

"Seems like both our exes are trying to weasel their way back into our lives." Lexa says and Clarke frowns at her. 

 

"Costia?" Clarke asks confused - as far as Clarke knew Lexa didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Lexa nods her head and Clarke pulls a face causing the brunette to chuckle. 

 

"It was nothing, just a warning." Lexa says. "It was stupid, I'm over it." Lexa finishes. Clarke nods her head in understanding not bothering to press Lexa further - if she said she was over it then she was over it. Lexa jumps when she feels two hands grab her shoulders and pat them quite harshly. "Holy shit Raven, unless you want to lose your hands I suggest you never do that again." Lexa says moving away from Clarke and resting her hand over her chest dramatically. 

 

"Didn't you hear the good news? We're lab partners now." Raven grins excitedly. "In biology." She adds happily. Lexa turns around and stares at the brunette. 

 

"And how exactly did you manage that?" Lexa wonders aloud and Raven gives her a wink. 

 

"After I heard about Kyle, and how much of a scumbag he really is, I couldn't exactly keep him as my lab partner." Raven says a little angrily - of course Clarke had told her best friends about the alley incident. "So I may have subtly suggested that Kyle is a dick and that he shouldn't be my partner if the teacher didn't want to see me rip the guy's head off while beating him to a pulp." Lexa nods her head appreciatively and Clarke grimaces at the image Raven had so vividly painted. "Anyway, then I hinted that I'd be needing a new partner, whom I get along with and who I'm not likely to kill, you seemed like the obvious choice." 

 

"Lexa hates bio." Clarke comments and Raven snorts. 

 

"Like I give a damn, I'll be the brains and Lexa can be the eye candy." Raven says. 

 

"I'm not stupid Raven." Lexa pipes up rolling her eyes. "And I hate all school, doesn't mean I'm not good at it." Clarke turns back to her locker a smile playing on her lips. 

 

"I'll talk to you later, O has something she needs to show me and I think, maybe, I saw a certain someone walking that way." Raven scurries off after who Lexa assumed was probably her sister - whatever Octavia wanted would probably have to wait. Lexa leans against the locker next to Clarke and takes a deep breath. Everything was a little too good, she was very weary of that, she knew from past experience that when things got really good the scales tended to tip to really bad. So, naturally, that was when Finn decided to make his appearance. 

 

Clarke stops her movements and stares down the hallway seeing Finn walking towards her. Lexa was about to turn around but Clarke gives her a look and a slight shake of the head and Lexa bites her tongue averting her eyes from the blonde. Finn comes up behind Clarke who turns around to face him reluctantly. Lexa watches them from her casual stance against the lockers - she did a good job of blending in. "Uh, hey." Clarke says awkwardly. She was nervous and Lexa could hear it in her voice. 

 

"Clarke." Finn says. He'd changed slightly, Clarke notices, he had slight stubble on his face and his normally neat hair was long, wild and untamed. "I'm sorry about everything, really I am." He apologises. "I never meant to hurt you." 

 

"It's okay Finn, I-I've moved on." Clarke says closing her locker. Finn pauses for a moment and licks his lips before biting them. 

 

"Really? Because I haven't." Finn moves closer to Clarke and Clarke steps back her back hitting the locker. Lexa tenses from her position next to the pair but she knew she had to let Clarke handle the situation. 

 

"No Finn, you ruined your chance and now I'm with someone, who I really like, who treats me better than you ever did." Clarke says her stance becoming more demanding. She straightens up and Lexa smiles slightly with pride. 

 

"Come on Clarke, you know he can't love you like I do." Finn argues his voice low. Lexa rolls her eyes - of course he assumed Clarke was dating a guy. "You and I belong together." 

 

"I'm pretty sure she said back off asshole." Lexa couldn't bite her tongue anymore. Finn was royally pissing her off and she was having a hard time restraining form holding back. Finn looks at her clearly surprised by her input. Lexa had a reputation so even if Lexa hadn't heard of Finn before Clarke Finn had definitely heard of Lexa. 

 

"Why are you even talking?" Finn asks. "You don't know the first thing about us." 

 

"There is no  _ us _ ." Lexa replies pushing herself off the locker to face Finn fully. "First of all, you're pissing me off. Second of all, you keep coming onto a girl who clearly isn't interested and thirdly, as far as I can see, you’re just a little fuckboy who thinks he can get back something that was obviously too good for him but he fucked up and now you want it back after putting her through shit." Lexa replies angrily. Finn looks between Clarke and Lexa and an amused smile appears on his stupid face. 

 

"Oh, I see, you think Clarke is better off with you?" He asks getting dangerously close to Lexa - she was ready to explode and was quite proud that she hadn't yet. Clarke, however, could see the anger flare in the brunette's eyes - the same kind she'd seen when she'd beaten Kyle bloody. "You're nothing but a punk, a stupid bitch who thinks she's all that, but let me tell you Clarke will never feel the same way she felt about me for you. I was her first love, you don't get over that." He points his finger to Lexa's chest and Clarke's eyes grow wide. Lexa looks down at her chest, where Finn's finger was digging into her, she slowly looks up at the blue eyed boy and instantly he swallows nervously under Lexa's intense stare. 

 

In one swift movement she grabs Finn by the throat and throws him harshly against the lockers causing a loud bang to draw attention to what was happening. Students stopped in the hallway and stared at them but Lexa was far too worked up to pay them any attention. "What did you say to me?" Lexa growls. 

 

"I said-" Finn's words are cut off by Lexa's hand closing around his throat tighter choking him off. "Listen here, you have no right,  _ zero _ , to come here and say those things." Lexa pulls Finn forward and slams him against the lockers once again. Clarke was staring completely shocked and frozen by the turn of events. "Stay away from Clarke." Lexa snarls. She releases the boy and he falls forward, coughing and sputtering, trying to get air into his lungs that he had been momentarily deprived of. Lexa gives Clarke a glance before turning to storm off to maybe channel her anger into something else. That was until she heard Finn open his mouth again. 

 

"So what? So you can get Clarke killed like you did your parents?" Lexa stops in the middle of her stride. Her eyes turned to hurt immediately at Finn's words and Clarke's breath hitches in her throat. Lexa frowns dispelling her hurt and turning it into anger fueling the flame that was already lit. She turns around and glares at Finn daring him to continue, either he was incredibly stupid or he just didn't know when enough was enough, but he didn't stop. "That's right, we've all heard the stories!" He says. 

 

"Finn." Clarke interrupts seeing Lexa's hands curl into fists. She'd heard the stories too but she knew they were all wrong. Clarke didn't know specifics about Lexa's parent's death but she knew the rumours weren't true. Lexa steps towards Finn practically smoking with anger. "You killed them didn't you? You're a psycho bitch, who killed her mommy and daddy, and now you're going to kill Cl-" Finn didn't get the chance to finish his sentence when a very hard fist connects with his jaw and he crumples to the ground with a loud yelp. Clarke gasps and Lexa shakes her hand out, cursing under her breath, but she was more than willing to go back for more until Clarke grabs her by the shoulder. 

 

" _ Lexa _ ." She says looking her in the eyes. "Go cool off, he's not worth it." 

 

"He-" Lexa begins. 

 

"I know." Clarke says her eyes conveying that she really did know and that she was on Lexa's side. Lexa clenches her jaw before taking off down the hallway pushing past people who were stood in her way. Finn sits up and Clarke kneels beside him. He spits out blood and looks up at Clarke - he was angry too but he deserved everything he got. "You're a dick." Clarke says examining his jaw - it was more to make sure Lexa hadn't caused too much damage which it looked like she hadn't other than maybe knocked a tooth out. 

 

"You really think she'll wait Clarke?" Finn asks. "Lexa is even more needy than me, I can see it. and she'll move onto the next girl because you won't give her what she wants." Clarke rolls her eyes but she couldn't help how Finn's words stung her heart. That was a huge insecurity Clarke carried and now Finn had just reopened the wound. 

 

"She's nothing like you." Clarke spits back standing up. 

 

"You'll see." He replies rubbing his jaw. Clarke gives him one last look before sprinting off to find Lexa. ' _ She'll move onto the next girl because you won't give her what she wants _ ' follows Clarke every step of the way. 

 

Clarke did eventually find Lexa sitting on a bench on the school grounds. She was sitting hunched over holding her hand that was obviously in pain. Clarke freezes when she hears sniffling and notices the tears that were staining Lexa's cheeks. Clarke hadn't really seen Lexa cry, other than that one night when she'd hugged her, but this was different, Lexa wasn't worried about what she'd done, this was the sound of grief and Clarke knew it. "Stupid." Lexa says curling her hand into a fist. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." She repeats. She sounded heartbroken and it hurt Clarke to hear Lexa so fragile. Clarke settles next to Lexa and she glances up to see the blonde. 

 

"Lexa." Clarke says softly. "People have been looking for you." She says trying to lighten the mood. Lexa does laugh but it was feeble and weak. 

 

"It was my fault." Lexa says slowly. Clarke frowns unsure of what exactly Lexa meant. 

 

"What? No, Finn deserved that punch." 

 

"Not the punch Clarke, the... my parents." Lexa sighs and rubs her face with her hands. Clarke was silent for a long moment, she didn't know what to say plus she had a suspicion that Lexa wasn't finished. "I was out that night, it started in neutral territory so Azgeda and Trikru had to be civil. I-I was drinking, I was drunk, and I didn't know what I was doing, I was just following the crowd drinking along the way. I was with Costia so I thought everything was okay, I thought I was safe, and I don't know, we must have crossed over into Azgeda territory. Nia... Nia was there, I thought she was my friend, and it was late and I wanted to go home but I didn't know where I was... I was lost." Lexa's body was shaking with her silent sobs. "So I called my mom, and she insisted that I stay where I was, that she'd come pick me up, and I told Costia and Nia that they were coming for me… my mom always came for me." Lexa curls her hand into a fist again rubbing it as she continued to get worked up. "I guess Nia had this whole thing set up because they never came for me. They were shot dead in a drive by while trying to pick up their stupid, reckless, waste of a space daughter who'd wandered into their enemy's territory unknowingly and then practically invited her parents to get killed." 

 

"Lexa, that's not your fault." Clarke tries but Lexa shakes her head shaking make tears loose. 

 

"Yes it is, if I hadn't called then they'd still be alive." Lexa states. "They wouldn't have left the house that night. Sometimes I wish my mom never loved me as much as she did. Finn's right Clarke, I'll just end up getting you killed." Lexa breaks down and Clarke doesn't hesitate to wrap her closely in her arms. 

 

"Lexa, that was their choice to come after you and it's my choice to be with you. It was just a shitty thing that happened under shitty circumstances but you can't beat yourself up over it." Clarke says softly playing with Lexa's hair. Lexa had her arms wrapped around Clarke's stomach and her head buried into her arms as she quietly cried. 

 

After a moment Lexa pulls away and sits upright although she was still slouched and looked downright depressed but the tears had stopped. Clarke had gave her some well needed comfort - she really didn't deserve someone like Clarke. "We have something special don't we?" Clarke asks smiling slightly. She places her hand at the base of Lexa's neck and pulls her close to her and Lexa smiles weakly back at her. "I don't want to throw this away. It's not your only decision that matters, mine does too and I'm not letting you get away." Lexa smiles just that little bit more and Clarke leans her forehead against the brunette's. "Seriously, principle Jaha needs to see you immediately." Clarke says gently. Lexa kisses her on the forehead and stands up nursing her injured hand as she does so. 

 

"I suppose I should go and get suspended." Lexa says with a sigh. 

 

"I wouldn't be so sure." Clarke says with a suggestive look. 

 

"What exactly does that mean?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. Clarke grins and taps her nose at Lexa. 

 

"Maybe a little birdy heavily implied that Finn was the big idiot in this case." Clarke says sounding pleased with herself. 

 

"Yeah, well, Indra's still gonna be mad." Lexa replies. "I'll stop by the nurse’s office to get this checked before I go see Jaha." Lexa informs Clarke. 

 

"Lexa." Clarke's voice stops Lexa. "Are you okay?" Clarke's eyes soften and she looks at Lexa concern evident in her eyes. 

 

"I'm good Clarke, thank you." She says with a smile and she did feel slightly better now. "I'll see you after school, don't worry." 

 

"May we meet again?" Clarke calls after Lexa who was already halfway to the building now - no doubt Indra had already been called. 

 

"Of course." Lexa yells back smiling. Clarke was quickly becoming her favourite person which could be good but also bad... Lexa wasn't sure yet. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Next chapter shit hits the fan so be prepared for that :P Tell me your thoughts! Also do you think Indra will be mad at Lexa or not?


	10. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra's actually cool for once? Clarke confuses Lexa and Lexa goes to the Azgeda meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, thank you for all the comments I loved reading them and I love that your all enjoying reading this. I'm in amazement of this fandom, we've managed to completely invent a fictional character (Elyza Lex) as well as invent fine stud Lexa which is hilarious, I love that we're all still sinning and seeing the good in the bad. So here's to the Clexa fandom, we may be slightly crazy but we have every right to be. The funny thing is I had started writing a Clexa fic that was set in the Walking Dead world and then 3x07 happened and then Elyza Lex happened so that's weird. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

"This behaviour cannot be tolerated at this school." Jaha concludes his long lecture with a serious look at Lexa before turning back towards Indra who was sat in the chair beside the teen. "However, I am very aware that Mr Collins said some very hurtful things towards Lexa and therefore aggravated the attack, so I'm willing to let this slide." He says a little softer than he had been talking before. 

 

"Why do I feel a but coming?" Lexa asks. Her hand was now bandaged and thankfully she hadn't broken it - merely just bruised it deeply. 

 

" _ But, _ you will have to attend three weekend detentions and I'm recommending that you do see a therapist to help work out your anger issues." Jaha tells Lexa.

 

"I'm not going to a shrink." Lexa protests but Indra holds her hand up to silence her. 

 

"I think a therapist will do you good Lexa. You obviously have some unresolved feelings and they can help you. They'll give me reports on your progress and you can help solve some of your problems. Look at it this way, therapist or suspension... it's your decision." Jaha says. Lexa sighs loudly and Indra sits up straighter. 

 

"She'll do the therapy, you have my word." Indra promises. "Thank you, Mr Jaha, for cutting Lexa a break." Indra stands up and so does Jaha and they both shake hands. Lexa stands up herself and follows Indra out the door. 

 

Once the door was closed Indra whirls on Lexa. "Are you okay?" She asks. Lexa stares at her dumbfounded. Of all the things she'd expected Indra to say she hadn't expected those three words - she expected shouting and angry accusations of Lexa being stupid and reckless - but Indra looked genuinely concerned and Lexa had to admit it warmed her heart a little. 

 

"I'm fine." Lexa shrugs though she still felt heavy and deflated. "Just wish I'd hit him harder." Indra does laugh at that - very slightly - and pulls Lexa into a hug. The brunette wraps her arms around Indra and sighs deeply. "I'm sorry for being such a fuck up." Lexa apologises. Indra squeezes her tighter letting Lexa know that she wasn't mad - not even a little. 

 

"Hey, no, what happened today wasn't your fault." Indra reassures. She pulls back and smiles softly at Lexa which was strange because Lexa had become so accustomed to her disapproving eyes and frown that she'd almost forgotten that her aunt  _ could  _ smile. "Do you want to tell me what Finn said about your parents?" Indra asks. Jaha hadn't been specific and she knew Lexa wouldn't either but she still tried. Lexa shrugs and rubs the back of her neck nervously. 

 

"Nothing really. Just some stupid stuff that stirred up a lot of feelings." Indra nods her head in understanding. Anya had told her all about the fact that Lexa blamed herself for her parents’ death - so she had a pretty good idea what Finn had said to get such a reaction out of Lexa. 

 

"Tell you what, how about we forget about school for today, and you and I go and get an ice cream or something?" Indra asks. Lexa nods her head and the pair head out the front of the school. Maybe a therapist would be good for Lexa, after all,  Abby had recommended it a long time ago so,  if anything, it was way overdue.

 

Once school was over and Lexa had had plenty of time to cool off and compose herself, the ice cream helped, she went to Clarke's. Abby was out at work so it was only the two of them and Lexa was being quiet reading through her textbook to try and study. Clarke was watching her from her desk chair with Finn's words repeating over and over again in her head.  _ 'She'll move onto the next girl because you won't give her what she wants.' _ It was stupid, and Clarke knew it was, Lexa had been nothing but patient, and she'd told her that she could wait, but Clarke had been burnt like that before and Finn's words just made her small insecurity into a huge one. It was all she could think about and she just needed a little reassurance that Lexa wouldn't run off with another girl. 

 

Clarke places her textbook down on her desk and slowly settles herself beside Lexa on her bed. Lexa raises an eyebrow but doesn't take her eyes away from the page. Clarke begins kissing up Lexa's arm causing the brunette to shiver from the contact. "Clarke?" Lexa asks and Clarke hums against her skin. "I'm trying to study." 

 

"I thought you'd like to study something else." Clarke replies seductively. Lexa frowns but she didn't have much time to think about it as Clarke tosses her textbook across the room and hungrily kisses her lips. Lexa knew what was happening, and she was confused which wasn't a good sign because no one should feel confused when this was happening to them, but it had only been a day since Clarke had confessed that she wasn't ready so Lexa was confused as to why she was doing what she was. Clarke tugs on Lexa's shirt and the brunette removes her lips from the blonde's - she shouldn't go through with. 

 

"What are you doing?" Lexa asks and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"I'm ready now." Clarke says and Lexa shakes her head - the slight tremble of Clarke's lip gave it all away. 

 

"No you're not and that’s okay." Lexa says taking her hands in her own. "I already told you I'm fine with waiting so why do you feel the need to pressure yourself into this?" Lexa asks and Clarke sighs. 

 

"Finn." Clarke says simply. "He hurt me, with what he did, and then he told me that you'd end up leaving me because I wouldn't... you know, and I got scared and I thought you'd go to another girl because-" Lexa cuts her off with a kiss. 

 

"Okay, you shouldn't listen to that d-bag Clarke. I'm not going anywhere and cheating is something I don't do." Lexa promises. "Look, I may have done this a few times with a few different girls but they never really meant anything. I want it to mean something with you." Lexa admits. "Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready. It doesn't feel right, it feels rushed, you know?" Clarke smiles at Lexa's words and wraps her arms around her in a tight cuddle. 

 

"You're so sweet." Clarke decides and Lexa chuckles. "If people knew just how much of a softie you really are, I really don't think they'd be as scared of you." 

 

"I'm not a softie." Lexa protests. 

 

"So what happened?" Clarke asks. "Did you get suspended?" Lexa smiles softly at her. 

 

"No, just three weekend detentions and I have to see a therapist." Lexa shrugs and Clarke tightens her grip on the brunette. 

 

"I'm sorry." Clarke mutters. "He's my problem, not yours. I really hate seeing you get into trouble because of me." 

 

"Clarke, I'm pretty good at getting into trouble on my own." Lexa says and Clarke laughs slightly. "And even if we weren't dating I probably would've still hit the guy. It was pretty obvious you didn't want anything to do with him and he was  _ really  _ pissing me off." Clarke leans up and gives a soft, chaste, kiss to Lexa's lips. 

 

"Will you promise me to be careful tonight?" Clarke asks. 

 

"When am I not?" Lexa asks sarcastically but, at the look on Clarke's face, Lexa takes the question a little more seriously. "Look, if anything goes south I'll call Anya but you really shouldn't worry. Costia was just being silly." 

 

"I don't know... I don't see why she would lie." Clarke says cautiously. "I mean, it's pretty obvious she still has feelings for you." Clarke adds and Lexa raises an eyebrow. 

 

"Is that jealousy I hear?" Lexa teases. 

 

"Shut up." Clarke says with an eye roll although she did feel slightly jealous. "I just think she shouldn't come up to you in the middle of school and start spouting shit that makes me worried but not you." 

 

"I  _ promise  _ I'll be careful." Lexa says but it does little to ease Clarke's tensions. She wasn't sure how Lexa was being so cool about it all. Clarke had a bad feeling and she thought that Lexa would too - especially after Costia's warning - but she didn't seem phased. "I should probably get going." Lexa says quietly. She slips out from Clarke's iron grip and picks up her leather jacket that was resting on the blonde's desk chair. "I'll see you tomorrow." Lexa says and Clarke tries to not hear the ‘probably’ at the end of that sentence but she just couldn't shake the feeling. Maybe if she could get into contact with Costia she could get more specific details about why she had a bad feeling but it was too late for that, Lexa was already going, she had no time to track the other blonde down. Lexa leans down and plants a soft goodbye kiss on Clarke's lips. "I've wanted to kiss you goodbye so many times in the past." She admits. "I still can't believe that I can." 

 

"Why are you being all soppy all of a sudden? Get your badass game on." Clarke says through her blush. Lexa lets out a soft laugh and nods her head. 

 

"I'll miss you." She calls as she exits the bedroom. 

 

"I'll miss you too asshole." Clarke calls back. She'd taken to calling Lexa that from time to time and, though it may seem like an unflattering nickname, Lexa liked it. She exits the Griffin household and sighs. Clarke was right, she needed to get her tough guy act on but first she had to arm herself with something other than just her trusty pen knife. 

  
  


Lexa was busy concealing a combat knife when her sister casually floats into her room and takes residence on her bed. She watches her baby sister at work and shakes her head. "I still don't know why you won't let me come." Anya says. She was still annoyed at the little brat for not wanting her to come, in fact, it hurt her a little. 

 

"I have to do this on my own." Lexa says turning around. "If I want to make a name for myself then I have to do this alone. Otherwise the Azgeda will never take me seriously." 

 

"It's just a peace meeting right?" Anya asks suspiciously. "Put them in their place then leave?" 

 

"I don't know what it is." Lexa says with a frown. "I was pretty confident I had everything down but Costia shook my confidence a little." 

 

"So that's why you plan on bringing a knife." Anya says from her position on the bed - now she liked the idea of sending Lexa alone even less. 

 

"It's just a precaution that I'm sure I won't need." Lexa says trying to ease Anya's nerves. She fixes up her boots and makes sure everything was perfect - she didn't want to have a loose lace if she needed to run for whatever reason nor would she want her hair in her face hence why she chose the braided look. Anya was a little proud of her sister, she'd learnt everything she knew from her, and she was happy that she could see that Lexa actually listened to her and that her constant nagging had been for something good. 

 

"Well kiddo, I guess this is goodbye." Anya says standing up. She reaches her hand out and Lexa takes it gripping her forearm with an amused smile on her face. 

 

"For now." Lexa says shaking it. Anya rolls her eyes before pulling Lexa in for a tight hug which surprised the brunette - they weren't much of the touchy feely kind of family - but she still managed to melt into her sister's touch. There was comfort there and suddenly Lexa knew Anya wasn't just talking about tonight. 

 

"I heard about what happened at school." Anya says and Lexa now knew why she was hugging her. 

 

"It was nothing." Lexa brushes off. 

 

"Bullshit. You were sitting in a tree not long ago telling me how you thought mom and dad's death was your fault and, now, suddenly a fucking dick, with the worst hair I have ever seen, accuses you of it and you hit him, which was well deserved but that’s not the point, and you're just okay about it? Lexa, sometimes I wish you'd just be straight with me." 

 

"I'm not straight about anything." Lexa jokes and Anya pushes her away - playfully of course. "Seriously, I'm okay, Clarke helped." Lexa says seriously. Anya stares at her a moment and Lexa could feel her eyes probing at her, trying to see if she was lying, Anya could always tell when Lexa was lying which was annoying but it also saved a lot of time. 

 

"Hm." Anya says narrowing her eyes. "Maybe that blonde is good for something." 

 

"What about you and that mechanic?" Lexa asks and Anya groans. 

 

"She snuck up on me!" Anya protests. "I mean, sure I thought she was hot when we first met but I didn't expect to actually want to spend time with her." 

 

"Raven's my friend and I know I told you to stay away from her but, if you're serious about it then, I say go for it." Lexa says. "She's a piece of work, and a little full of herself, but she's cool. But, I do have to give you the warning that if you hurt her I will have to hurt you as well." 

 

"Like you could hurt me, have you seen you?" Anya asks with a scoff. Lexa was about to protest when Anya locks her in a headlock and proceeds to rub her knuckles over Lexa's head. Lexa struggles against her and flails around for her sister to release her but she was too strong for her. Eventually, Anya does release Lexa and she did not look very amused at all. 

 

"You know what? Fuck you." Lexa says getting ready to leave. "That fucking hurt." 

 

"Language dickhead!" Anya yells throwing a pillow at her sister. Lexa laughs and rushes out the door. "Lex!" Anya calls halting the brunette. "I love you. And be careful." Lexa smiles at Anya. 

 

"I love you too big sis." Lexa replies before turning on her heel and leaving. She was ready to show the Azgeda who they were messing with. 

  
  


Lexa had been stood in the alleyway for far too long. She was starting to think that maybe she had the wrong time or the wrong place when she saw the headlights of a car turn down the alleyway. The car stops a few feet away and Lexa watches as Roan exits the back swiftly followed by two Azgeda goons none of which were Tristan. "Where's T?" Lexa asks looking behind them to see if he was there. 

 

"He's not coming." Roan says. Lexa frowns suspiciously, Roan sounded a little off which was unusual - normally he was straightforward but he sounded weird. 

 

"So we're here to talk about the land right?" Lexa asks confused as to why he was being so cryptic. "If you want more cut then the answer’s no and I suggest that those hooligans who threatened Lincoln be dealt with severely... by my hands of course." 

 

"I don't want to talk about the land Lexa." Roan says glancing to the left then right. "I'm sorry." He says and Lexa frowns shaking her head in confusion. "Nia sends a message." He says. 

 

"Roan what the hell are you talking about?" Lexa asks stepping forward. Roan pulls a gun from his side and points it at Lexa. The brunette steps back immediately and holds her hands up in surrender. Roan looked so sorry Lexa didn't understand what or why he was doing what he was doing. 

 

"Nia says that you're a liability. You're obsessive need to love and be loved has given her plenty of ammunition to take everything from you." 

 

"Wasn't my parents enough?" Lexa asks angrily. "Why is she making you do her dirty work and why does she want me dead so bad? What the hell did I do?" Lexa asks. 

 

"I'm sorry Lexa." Roan says. "She can't have you around, your family practically runs Trikru, and once you fall they'll fall into deep depression and they'll be easily taken out." 

 

"So this is about control?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. Lexa takes a step forward before Roan points the gun more steadily at her stilling Lexa's movements. 

 

"It's more than that, you're a symbol, you're hope to your people, daughter the great leaders of Trikru." Roan continues.

 

"I have a sister you know." Lexa says - she was unamused. 

 

"Anya isn't like you. Why do you think Indra pushes you to go to that awful school? Because you're Trikru's future and that future ends here, tonight, in this alleyway." It was clear Roan didn't want to do what he was doing but Lexa also knew the stakes - she knew the consequences of not following Nia's orders were worse than death. "My orders were to shoot you and that's what I'm going to do." He says. 

 

"Roan-" Lexa begins but he cuts her off. 

 

"You brought a knife to a gunfight Lexa." Roan says helplessly. It wasn't even a fair fight -  _ he hated this _ . "Costia warned you! Why didn't you bring something better, why didn't you bring  _ someone _ ?" 

 

"And risk their life as well as mine?" Lexa asks. "I would never." Roan laughs unhumorously and dryly. 

 

"That's why you're the hope for the future, because you care, and that just can't happen." He says before Lexa could do anything he pulls the trigger. She hears the sound before she feels anything, in fact, she didn't really feel anything for a long time and then an explosion of pain rips through her gut. Roan stares at her for a moment, watching as Lexa touches her hand to her wound and pulls it away to see her fingers coated in crimson red. She was speechless, the only thing she could manage was short gasps of pain, she looks up at Roan before she collapses unable to hold her weight anymore. "My orders were to shoot you." He repeats before signalling for his goons to get in the car and leaving Lexa to die in the alleyway. 

 

"Fuck, shit." Lexa grunts. She sits up against the wall of the nearby building and keeps her hand to the bullet wound - she wasn't sure if it had gone straight through or not which was worrying. Everything seemed to be buzzing and the pain she felt was almost making her pass out. "It's okay... you're okay." Lexa says to herself except she could feel her warm blood already pooling beneath her telling her she was in fact not okay. ' _ My orders were to shoot you _ ' Roan’s words repeat in Lexa’s head. He had certainly fulfilled his duties but Lexa knew he'd found a loophole, he'd tried to hit her in a non lethal place, he'd shot her like Nia had said but not necessarily killed her - she just needed some help. 

 

Lexa digs into her pants pocket, ignoring the extra pain it put onto her, she knew she shouldn't move too much in case the bullet was still inside her but she needed to get help before she bled out. She dials the first number she could think of and holds the phone to her ear. "Hello?" The voice asks from the other side. 

 

"Anya..." Lexa says weakly. She hadn't even realised how weak she sounded or the fact that she was getting sleepier. "I could... I could really use my big sister right now." Lexa says with a slight chuckle before wincing from the pain. 

 

"Where are you?" Anya asks her voice sounding concerned and urgent.

 

"I don't know." Lexa says her eyelids becoming heavy. "I'm tired Anya."

 

"Lexa, listen to me, you stay awake do you hear me?" Lexa nods before realising that Anya couldn't see her. 

 

"Yes." Lexa slurs. 

 

"Call 911." Anya says. Lexa could hear the movement down the line suggesting Anya was coming for her. 

 

"But I've been shot." Lexa says confused by Anya's words. "Don't they arrest you if you've been shot?" 

 

"Shit, Lexa, call 911  _ now _ ." She stresses. "I'm going to hang up and you call them, do you hear me?" 

 

"Anya..." Lexa says her grip on her phone loosening. She takes a deep breath and Anya frowns at how raspy her breaths sounded. "I'm scared." 

 

"I know, but I'm coming for you, I won't let you die." Anya promises. 

 

"Maybe I deserve it." Lexa says despondently. "Can you tell Clarke-" 

 

"Hey! None of that." Anya interrupts "You're going to be fine. Just call the ambulance." Anya hangs up and was no doubt trying to get a location Lexa's phone. Lexa dials the emergency number but she had no strength to pull the phone back up to her ear and talk. The last thing she remembered hearing before she passed out was the sound of sirens and someone calling her name. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well will you look at that... Lexa got shot. Let me know what you think and I'll see you all soon with a new chapter.


	11. Maybe It's Meant To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's rushed to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to say this is probably all medically wrong but I tried :P Some of your comments on the last chapter made me laugh especially @ohsnapitzalli because tru tho. Also, please don't kill me I promise I'm not Jrat - I'm too gay to be. I decided to post this asap and not leave you all hanging. I hope you enjoy! :)

"Lexa!" Raven yells skidding to a stop in front of the brunette. She looked as white as a sheet and her breaths were shallow and unsteady. "Lexa wake up!" Raven orders.  Anya stands at the end of the alleyway signalling for the ambulance to stop. Lexa groans and swats at the hands that were shaking her awake. 

 

"Just a few more minutes." She complains which would've been cute if she hadn't just been shot. 

 

"There's no time for that." Raven says glancing towards the alley opening. She spots the ambulance stopping and Anya rushing the paramedics to help her sister. The paramedics sprint down the alleyway, Anya in tow, and practically push Raven out the way. Raven watches tensely as they apply pressure to the wound and talk in hushed voices. She didn't know what to do, she felt helpless, for all she knew her friend was dying right in front of her and there was nothing she could do about it. 

 

One of the paramedics leave to go retrieve a gurney while the other works on Lexa. Lexa was awake now but she seemed disconnected unsure of what exactly was happening. Anya was holding her head in her hands - she felt just as helpless as Raven but even more. Raven approaches her slowly but makes no move to touch her - she knew Anya needed some space. "I should've come with her." Anya says clearly angry with herself, she was frustrated, but mostly she was scared about what would happen to her little sister. 

 

"Anya, this isn't your fault." Raven reassures when the paramedics stand up with Lexa secure in the gurney. Raven and Anya follow after the pair as they rush to the back of the ambulance and load the brunette into the back. "Are you family members?" One of them asks distractedly. 

 

"She's my sister." Anya says and the medic looks at her for a moment. 

 

"You can come but if your friend here isn't family she has to stay here." He informs going back into the ambulance. Anya turns to Raven and she shakes her head. 

 

"Go." Raven says no questions needed. "I'll circle back and pick up Clarke. You go with your sister and make sure she's okay." 

 

"Raven." Anya stops and gets into the ambulance. "Thank you." She says before the doors are closed and the ambulance is moving again. 

 

Raven watches after the vehicle and stands there in silence listening as the sirens disappear in the distance. The alleyway turns deadly silent so silent Raven almost felt suffocated by it - the only sound that punctuated the silence was Raven's ragged breathing. It was dark and it was only just beginning to rain and Raven was frozen. She had no idea if her friend would be okay and that terrified her. She pushes aside her thoughts and begins jogging back to her car that was parked only a few feet from the alley opening. She had to go tell Clarke what was happening -  _ what had happened _ \- she deserved to know. 

  
  


"Female, looks about 16." The paramedic says to the team of doctors who were stood outside the hospital where they had obviously been waiting. 

 

"She's 17." Anya says hopping out the back of the ambulance herself.

 

"Gunshot wound to the lower abdomen." He finishes ignoring Anya's interjection. The doctors begin wheeling Lexa into the hospital leaving behind the ambulance. Anya swiftly follows them listening to their rushed talking; she didn't understand half the things they was saying but as long as they could fix her Anya didn't much care. 

 

Lexa blinks open her eyes. She was momentarily blinded by the bright lights that were above her. They flashed as though she was moving which it took her a moment to realise she was and she was also strapped down. She looks to her right slightly to see a woman dressed in scrubs wearing a white jacket staring at her... then Lexa remembers. "What's your name sweetheart?" The woman asks. 

 

"Her name is Lexa." Lexa hears her sister's voice somewhere behind her and she smiles slightly. 

 

"D-Dr Griffin." Lexa says her throat feeling dry. "I want Dr Griffin." Lexa says more firmly. Anya was surprised when she hears her sister speak but she was also slightly relieved. 

 

"Dr Griffin?" One of the doctors to Lexa's right asks as they cross into another corridor. 

 

"Abby Griffin?" The woman doctor asks. 

 

"Yes." Lexa says trying to sit up. 

 

"We need you to relax Lexa, okay?" The woman doctor says pushing her gently back down. "You're strapped in, you won't be able to stand up." She informs her. "Someone page cardio and get Dr Griffin down here." 

 

"No need I'm here." Abby says with a frown. She was just checking up on a consult when she'd heard the chatter of people saying her name. She looks at the patient in the gurney and it takes her a moment to realise it's Lexa. 

 

The team of doctors stop in the trauma room where Abby takes lead while the other woman doctor orders Anya out. "I'm sorry miss but you can't be in there."

 

"She's my sister!" Anya protests. "I want to be with her." 

 

"We will do everything we can but you can't-" 

 

"Fuck this!" Anya storms off once again feeling helpless. Abby was busy assessing the wound when she heard Lexa chuckle. 

 

"Something funny?" Abby asks - she knew Lexa had been given some kind of pain relief but what she didn't know. 

 

"No." Lexa says. "In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the most terrifying situation I've been in." Lexa confesses. Abby lets the other doctors take over while she comes up to Lexa's side so she could see her face. Abby stares at her and gently puts her hand to Lexa's head, she moves the hair from her face, and smiles reassuringly. "How bad is it doc?" Lexa asks closing her eyes at Abby's touch. 

 

"I won't let you die Lexa." Abby tells her removing her hand. Lexa nods her head but the little pain relief she had been given was wearing off and she could feel the pain seeping back into her gut. Abby was about to walk away when she felt Lexa grip her hand. The doctor was surprised by the action - Lexa was never one to seek comfort even when she really -  _ really  _ \- needed it. 

 

"Please don't leave me." Lexa says quietly. She felt very small and very vulnerable. Abby nods her head and takes her place back at Lexa's side. 

 

"I'm here." She says in a silent promise not to leave the brunette's side. Lexa nods her head and falls back into the gurney. She hadn't realised how tense she was until she felt herself relax at Abby's touch, she understood now why Octavia and Raven considered her to be like a mom to them, Abby was good at being a mom, and suddenly Lexa was jealous of Clarke for still having one - but she was dying, she was allowed to be selfish when she was dying, right? 

 

"I want my mom." Lexa whispers but Abby doesn't fail to hear it but she makes no move to let Lexa know she'd heard it. Lexa feels a tear slip down her cheek when one of the doctors speaks. 

 

"Someone page the OR we need to take her there immediately." They say. Abby begins walking beside Lexa's bed holding her hand firmly to make sure she knew she wasn't alone. 

 

"Everything's going to be okay." Abby says. "I will fix you." She adds but Lexa was feeling tired again and she only just say managed to catch that last bit. 

  
  


Clarke wakes up to the sound of loud banging on the front door. She bolts upright straight away suspecting that maybe it was Lexa after her meeting with the Azgeda. She hastily makes her way down the stairs the knocking on the front door not ceasing for even a second. She pulls the door open and frowns when she sees Raven; she looked frantic and she pushes her way into the house without a word. Clarke was instantly worried, she had no idea what was happening but, she knew Raven and she knew a silent Raven meant that something was seriously wrong. "Raven what-?" Clarke begins but Raven cuts her off. 

 

"Get dressed." Raven says turning Clarke towards the stairs again. Clarke heads up them without further protests and she’s followed closely by Raven. 

 

The blonde begins pulling out clothes not bothering to check if her clothes matched - Raven was on edge so Clarke felt on edge. "What the hell is happening Raven?" Clarke asks. Raven hadn't sat down once, she was pacing back and forth, but she stops when Clarke asks her that question. 

 

"It's Lexa." Raven says quietly and Clarke feels her heart clench in her chest and her stomach drop. 

 

"What about Lexa Raven?" Clarke asks her throat closing. Raven places her hands on Clarke's shoulders and she gives her a sympathetic look. 

 

"She... she got hurt." Raven reveals. "She got shot but she's in the hospital." At least she should be at the hospital by now but Raven hadn't heard anything more. Clarke stares at her feeling completely shell shocked by the news. Raven pulls Clarke into her chest and the blonde doesn't move, her hands hanging by her sides, unable to react. "Come on, I'll take you to her." Raven says and Clarke spurs into motion following her best friend out the door leaving the house eerily empty and quiet.

  
  


Anya was sitting with her head buried in her knees unable to focus on anything. Clarke had arrived about two hours ago and it was clear no one would be getting any sleep. "I should have done something." Clarke says from Raven's side. The aspiring mechanic was sat between Anya and Clarke trying to offer comfort to them both but she wasn't very good since she was equally worried. "I should have gotten into contact with Costia, I shouldn't have let her go." Clarke vents. Raven slips her hand into Clarke's and squeezes it gently. 

 

"There was nothing you could have done. Lexa's just as stubborn as you, once she gets an idea she doesn't let anyone change her mind." Anya sits up and leans against Raven's shoulder. 

 

"She's an idiot too." Anya adds and Raven smiles softly. 

 

"She's also pretty rude." Clarke chips in and they were all smiling. 

 

"But that's what makes Lexa Lexa." Raven concludes. They were trying to keep the atmosphere light, remembering all the infuriating qualities that made up Lexa that they all secretly loved. That's when Abby came out dressed in fresh scrubs. Clarke was the first on her feet, instantly recognising her mom, then Anya and then Raven. Abby stops and gives them all a small smile. 

 

"She's in recovery." Abby informs them. "Either she's incredibly lucky or whoever shot her has an unfortunate aim because it missed most of her important organs." Abby says.

 

"Most?" Anya asks. Abby looks at her her eyes looking a little sad.

 

"It nicked her liver." Abby says hesitantly. "Which is what caused most of her blood loss and internal haemorrhaging. The liver is near a lot of vital blood vessels but, since the bullet ricocheted off it at a slight angle, the bullet missed those arteries and veins." Abby continues. "She'll have one heck of a pain in her side for a while but I have full faith she'll make a full recovery." Abby says smiling when she sees Clarke and Anya's relief - even Raven's relief. "We'll keep her here over night definitely and then maybe a few more days depending on her recovery." She explains. "The cops have already been called, unfortunately, it was out of my hands." She adds. 

 

"Great." Anya mutters but she did feel a lot better now that she knew Lexa was going to be okay. 

 

"You three must be exhausted. I recommend you go home and get some sleep." Abby says stroking her daughter's cheek. 

 

"What? No, mom, we’re not leaving Lexa alone." Clarke protests. 

 

"You can stay off school  tomorrow and see her then but you being here tonight isn't going to change anything. Lexa's out cold and she probably will be for a few hours." Abby says. There was nothing they could do about that and they knew it. "Anya, you should head home and tell Indra what's happened. Raven, you should take Clarke home." 

 

"Mom-" Clarke begins to protest. 

 

"Clarke." Abby says sternly before softening. "I won't leave Lexa's side, I promise." 

 

"I should stay." Anya says but she looked completely exhausted - the amount of stress she'd been under the last few hours was inexplicable. 

 

"Indra needs to know what’s happened and it's probably best coming from you than a doctor over the phone. I told them I'd take care of the phone call but I'm leaving it to you." Abby says instead of flat out saying ‘ _ you look like you've been to hell and back now go home and get some sleep _ .’ "Go girls, I mean it." 

 

"I'll take you home." Raven tells Anya and the older girl storms out of the front of the hospital and Clarke follows her. Raven smiles one last time at Abby before turning around herself to leave. 

 

"Raven." Abby calls stopping the teenager. Raven looks at Abby and waits for her to continue. "Look after Clarke for me." 

 

"Always." Raven replies before leaving. Abby sighs and runs her hands through her messy hair. Under normal circumstances her job was stressful but this was just unimaginable stress. She looks around the waiting room that was slightly less busy then it was during the day time. She looks at her watch and sees that the time reads  three am before rushing off to get back to her work.

 

Around  six am Abby's heart was eventually returning back to its normal rhythm. She'd checked on Lexa multiple times to ensure she was recovering fine but each time the brunette was still sound asleep. The cops that were hanging around outside her room were really starting to get on the doctor's nerves but she couldn't tell them to leave no matter how much she wanted them too. 

 

Once Abby was done with one of her other patients she returns to Lexa's room to find the officers around Lexa's bed. "What the hell? Am I under arrest?" Abby stops in the doorway when she hears the angry voice. 

 

"We just have a few questions." One of the officers states. 

 

"Then why am I handcuffed?" Lexa asks angrily. "I'm the victim you good for nothing-!" 

 

"What is going on here?" Abby interrupts before Lexa could say anything that could possibly get her into more trouble. The two officers turn around to see Abby standing there with her hands shoved in her white coat pockets. 

 

"We're questioning Miss Woods here on what happened." One replies like it was obvious. 

 

"What you're doing is causing her more stress." Abby pushes her way past them and pauses when she sees one of Lexa's wrists handcuffed to the bed. "What is this?" She whirls on the officers and they shuffle slightly. 

 

"Officer kinky there clearly likes seeing-" Abby turns her head to look at Lexa to shut up. The girl grumbles and sits back into her pillow. 

 

"She's irritable, it's a side effect of the drugs, speaking of which you shouldn't be questioning her so soon after. For all you know she could be influenced by the drugs and who's to say she even remembers. Did you know amnesia is a common side effect of trauma?" She asks. The officers look at each other and then at Lexa. 

 

"She was involved in a suspected gang violence." He says and Abby shakes her head. "It's our job-" 

 

"It's  _ my  _ job to make sure she's taken care of. Now will you two please take those cuffs off of her and let me do my job?" She asks glaring at them. One steps forward and unlocks the cuffs before stuffing them back into his pocket. "Thank you." Abby says irritably as the pair exit closing the door behind them. Abby turns to face the brunette who was grinning at her. 

 

"That was badass doc." Lexa compliments and Abby shakes her head with a small smile playing on her lips. 

 

"How are you feeling?" Abby asks resting her hands on the side of Lexa's bed. 

 

"I feel like shit." Lexa confesses. "I feel like someone literally scrambled my insides. I almost want to barf but I'm too cool for that." Lexa was both serious and joking and Abby was amazed at the brunette's mood change. She'd seemed so fragile and scared when she'd been rushed in but now she was back to her lively - well somewhat lively - and cocky self again. 

 

"Being shot will do that to you." Abby replies checking Lexa's vitals. She checks the girl's wound to see that the bandages had bled through a little but the stitches were obviously still in place. "So,  _ do  _ you remember what happened?" Abby asks returning Lexa's gown back to its position. 

 

"No..." Lexa says quite obviously lying. "Okay, yes, but it's complicated." 

 

"Complicated? Lexa they shot you. How is this even a question, why would you protect them?" Abby asks genuinely confused. 

 

"I just understand their situation." Lexa replies with a shrug before wincing. "Do you think maybe you could up my pain meds?" Lexa asks hopefully - she really was in a lot of pain. 

 

"With your past it's recommended we don't go over a certain amount." Abby says looking at her. 

 

"I'm not going to get addicted just because you upped it a little." Lexa says dismissively. "Abby, I'm in pain, please." She begs and Lexa wasn't one to beg. Abby sighs and looks at her for a long moment. 

 

"Fine." She relents. "I don't understand why you put yourself in constant danger Lexa." 

 

"I get it, you're worried about Clarke." Lexa says. "I'm worried about her too but you never said anything, I mean, you knew who I was what I did but you never told me to stay away from her?" Abby smiles and rests a hand on Lexa's head.

 

"You make her happy." Abby says. "What you do may be dangerous, and of course I worry about Clarke, but I know that you wouldn't let anyone hurt her. I worry about you too Lexa, I always have, why do you think I set up those therapy sessions?" 

 

"You were bored?" Lexa asks playfully. 

 

"I've always worried about you. I know you feel like a lost cause but you're not. I always saw just the girl beneath all the leather, strong willed and troubled by her past and her demons. You're a good person Lexa, which is why I don't understand why you're covering for whoever did this to you." Abby says upping Lexa's meds. Lexa sighs and closes her eyes feeling tired yet again. 

 

"You wouldn't understand." Lexa replies. "Abby?" 

 

"Yes, Lexa?" Abby asks. 

 

"I love Clarke." Lexa confesses and the doctor smiles. 

 

"I know." Abby admits. "I can see it. I don't know how she hasn't figured it out yet." 

 

"Do you think it's possible for two people from two totally different worlds to fall in love?" Lexa asks. She wasn't sure where this was coming from, maybe she was still being affected by the drugs, who knew, but she wasn't sure why she was being so honest. 

 

"I think it's meant to be if you fall in love with someone who's a little different to you. It gives you balance." Abby pulls the chair - that was in the corner - beside the bed and sits in it. "Jake and I were different. He was kind hearted, cheerful and so full of life." Abby says with a small smile. "He's a lot like Clarke actually. I'm obviously very serious and not as likeable as he was, and yet we still fell in love." 

 

"Opposites attract?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. 

 

"Sure." Abby says with a wink. "As much as I'd love to sit and chat, rest is good for you, so sleep and tell me when your insides feel a little less scrambled." Abby pats her gently on the head before walking to the door. 

 

"Wait." Lexa calls. "I- thank you... for saving my life." She says. 

 

"Don't mention it." Abby says with a shrug before exiting. She gave the two officers an Oscar worthy glare before hurrying off to an on call room - Lexa may need her rest but so did Abby. 

 

The next time Lexa opened her eyes a certain blonde was sat in the chair beside her sketching away quietly. Lexa smiles watching her face which was concentrated on whatever she was drawing. Lexa didn't want to talk, she didn't want to disturb Clarke, and quite frankly she was enjoying watching her girlfriend sketch away, but Clarke must have had a sixth sense because she glances up to find a pair of beautiful green eyes locked on her. "Have I died and gone to heaven?" Lexa asks. "Are you an angel?" Clarke stands up wordlessly and sets her sketchbook to one side before approaching the brunette. Without warning she hits Lexa gently on the shoulder. " _ Ow _ !" Lexa complains though she was joking - Clarke had been deliberate not to hurt her. 

 

"Oh that so did not hurt." Clarke says rolling her eyes at how dramatic Lexa was being. 

 

"I've just been shot." Lexa reminds her. "It stung a little." She rubs her shoulder where Clarke had hit her and Clarke shakes her head at Lexa's theatrics. 

 

"You scared the hell out of me." Clarke tells her. Lexa knew that she probably actually had scared Clarke beyond belief - she couldn't even imagine what she would be like if she'd heard Clarke had been shot. Lexa pats the bed and gestures for Clarke to lay beside her. Clarke takes the invitation and snuggles into Lexa's side that didn't have her healing wound. 

 

"I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa apologises. "You were right, I should've listened to you." 

 

"I'm sorry, who was right?" Clarke teases and Lexa laughs before she winces from the pain. 

 

"Shut up blondie, I'm not saying it again." Lexa says and Clarke leans up and kisses her on the lips grinning when she feels Lexa melt into her. Clarke pulls away and Lexa lets out a groan of disapproval. "Hm." Lexa hums. "Where did your lips go?" She asks opening her eyes. She gently nudges her nose over Clarke's and the blonde giggles at the gesture. 

 

"I think you may be a little high." Clarke says. "Are you in pain at all?" Clarke suddenly frowns feeling very concerned over the brunette. 

 

"You're helping." Lexa says dismissively reconnecting their lips. Lexa smiles when she feels Clarke's lips quirk up at the corners. The two were interrupted when a certain mechanic and sister walk into the room. 

 

"Oh my God! No sex in the hospital." Raven says covering Anya's eyes. Anya swats Raven's hand away from her face and hands Clarke her coffee - she'd struggled getting any sleep last night and she was relying on caffeine and protein bars to keep her going. 

 

"You wish Reyes." Lexa scoffs snuggling into Clarke as much as she could in her current position - she found the blonde's presence very comforting. 

 

"Are you going to tell me the scumbag who did this to you so I can go kick their ass?" Anya asks just as aggressive and headstrong as ever. Lexa closes her eyes and leans her chin on top of Clarke's head, she breathes in the scent of Clarke, and sighs contentedly. 

 

"Can we talk about this later?" Lexa asks - she didn't want to reveal Roan until she'd talked to him herself. Raven sips her coffee and glances at Clarke who was silently playing with Lexa's hand. "I want to leave." Lexa complains. Raven laughs at her complaint and the brunette looks at her. 

 

"You literally got shot and you haven't even been here for a whole day." Raven explains. 

 

"Well it's been too long." Lexa replies. "I'm not one for staying still." She continues. 

 

"Just relax commander, you'll be better in a couple of days and then you can explore to your hearts content." Raven says - she'd come up with the nickname a while ago. 

 

"Within reason." Anya chips in and Lexa groans. "Shut up and be thankful Indra paid those cops off. She wants to deal with this... personally." Anya says hesitantly. 

 

"We're not shooting anyone." Lexa says with a certain finality.

 

"Look, I don't know what the hell happened but, whoever shot you is going to pay and I don't understand why you're protecting them." Anya says angrily. "I knew you were an idiot but I didn't think you were this stupid." 

 

"I'm not stupid you just wouldn't understand!" Lexa argues. 

 

"You're right,  _ I don't understand _ , I never will!" Anya fumes. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" She asks and Raven bites her lip nervously the room's tension was quickly rising and she didn't bode well in serious situations. 

 

"If you're going to be like this then you can just leave." Lexa says glaring at her big sister. 

 

"Fine, tell me when you're ready to stop being a dick." Anya storms out the room and Lexa let's out a frustrated grunt - she wanted to throw something but she had nothing near her to do so. Raven steps towards the door slightly and Clarke gives her a look. 

 

"I'm going to make sure she's okay." Raven says quietly. "Look, Lexa, I get that you don't want to talk, I respect it, but you've got to understand how frustrated that must make Anya. I mean, she's your  _ sister,  _ if the roles were reversed would you not feel exactly the same?" Raven asks but Lexa just turns her head further away from the door. The brunette nods sadly before taking her leave to go hunt down the senior. Clarke remains silent and Lexa makes no eye contact with her. 

 

"Are you going to tell me I'm being stupid or ask me who did it?" Lexa asks quietly. Clarke gently places her finger under Lexa's chin and moves her face so she could look her in the eyes. 

 

"No." She answers softly - she smiles slightly when she sees the confusion in Lexa's eyes. "Anya’s just blinded by her anger and rage that she's forgetting who you are. Sure, I'm angry, but I'm not blinded by it. I know you and if you're not talking then you have a good reason and I trust you to make the right decision." Lexa shakes her head her eyes searching Clarke's blue ones. 

 

"How did someone like me find someone as amazing as you?" Lexa asks and Clarke grins. 

 

"I'm not sure, maybe it's meant to be." Clarke replies reaching over and grabbing her sketch pad. 

 

"Maybe." Lexa says looking off into the distance. She didn't know if she believed in that whole soulmates thing but, one thing she did know was that, she was hopelessly and completely falling in love with Clarke Griffin. Clarke opens her sketch pad to a clean page and Lexa leans her head on her shoulder peering over to watch Clarke draw. Eventually, Lexa found herself drifting back off to sleep with the blonde beside her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Lexa's fine, she's far too badass to die. I have something really fluffy planned for the next chapter and I got the idea from watching Glee, so, yeah... :) I hope you enjoyed and leave me a comment telling me what you think!


	12. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra finally lets Lexa out of her sight, Clarke and Lexa make the most of their time together and Costia makes a surprise visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is pretty much all Clexa except there's some Princess Mechanic because I love their friendship and they're my brotp. I hope you enjoy! :)

It took Indra just over a week to finally allow Lexa to leave her room and even then she was extremely strict with her rules. Lexa knew that it'd eventually pass but she was sick of spending all her time in her room - there was only so much video games she could play. So her first stop in her momentary freedom was Clarke. No doubt Indra would try to keep her locked up in her room again so she really had to savour her time with her girlfriend plus she had a surprise for the blonde. 

 

Abby wasn't home so Clarke just pulled Lexa straight into her room and closed the door. She envelopes the brunette in a tight hug and let's out a long sigh. "I missed you." Clarke says and Lexa laughs wrapping her arms around Clarke in an equally tight embrace. 

 

"I missed you too." Lexa assures and she really had. Clarke leads her further into her room and they stop in the middle of it, at the base of her bed, hand in hand. 

 

"Is Indra still mad?" Clarke asks giving Lexa a sympathetic look. 

 

"She's pissed but I think she finally gets it." Lexa replies and Clarke raises an eyebrow and gives Lexa a small shake of the head to tell her she didn't understand. "She wanted to keep me away from this life, to have a future doing something else, but I think she finally understands that this is life, it runs in my blood, it's who I am Clarke." 

 

"I know." Clarke says with a smile. Of course she didn't want Lexa to do what she did but, just like Indra had realised, there was no other life that Lexa wanted. 

 

"That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." Lexa says a little awkwardly. "I know that you get that who I am, and that's not going to change, but that doesn't mean that you have to suffer through anything. Clarke, if you don't want to be with me because-" 

 

"Wait." Clarke shakes her head and holds her hand up. "Are you insane? Sure I may worry about you and if you're going to be hurt, and I might want to know where you are when you go off in the middle of the night, but I get it. I'd never want to lose you because of that." Lexa smiles wide and stares at Clarke for a long moment. 

 

"Good, then I have something I want to give you." Lexa kneels down on one knee and Clarke's eyes grow wide. She stares in shock as Lexa pulls something from her leather jacket pocket.

 

"Woah, Lexa, w-what are you doing?" Clarke asks her heart skipping a beat. She was laughing slightly but mostly she was shocked - maybe a little overwhelmed - by Lexa who was kneeling on the floor with a little box in her hand that obviously held a ring. Her other hand was resting on her side where her still healing wound resided. 

 

"Relax princess, I'm not proposing." Lexa says with a charming smile. She opens the lid of the box to reveal a beautiful ring and Clarke stares at her not understanding what was happening. "It's a promise ring." Lexa answers Clarke's unasked question. "Not a proposal." 

 

"Wait... what?" Clarke asks. Lexa smiles softly at Clarke's confusion. 

 

"You know, a promise ring." Lexa pauses for a moment. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you Clarke, and I want to show you my commitment to you in a way that kisses and cuddles can't." Clarke was speechless, she shakes her head in disbelief and waits for Lexa to continue. "This ring is kind of my way of promising that I'm here for you, whenever you need me, day, night, whatever, heck, even if you want ice cream and it’s four am call me and I'll get it for you. It’s my promise to be more careful and listen to you, it’s my promise to respect you but mostly it's my promise to us and I will always try to do right by you and never hurt you." Clarke laughs in disbelief and stares into Lexa's green eyes searching them for something - she wasn't sure what, maybe hesitation or doubt, but Lexa looked one hundred percent serious. "It's stupid I know." Lexa says when Clarke doesn't say anything. She thought maybe she'd gone a little overboard, too much too fast, she didn't want to scare the blonde off. 

 

"What? No, Lexa, I..." Clarke kneels down in front of Lexa and takes her hand. "I love you too." Clarke confesses. "This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm just a little shocked." 

 

"It's not a marriage proposal Clarke, it's just my way of-" Clarke cuts her off when she connects lips with the brunette. Lexa grunts in surprise but quickly kisses back pushing back with equal force that Clarke was kissing her with. 

 

"Shut up idiot." Clarke says with a small laugh. She loops her arms around Lexa's neck and smiles. "So you promise to be more careful?" Clarke asks and Lexa nods. "Does that mean you promise to not get shot again?" 

 

"I'll do my best but, honestly, I'm so attractive I think they just kinda gravitate towards me." Lexa jokes. 

 

"You really are full of yourself." Clarke says rolling her eyes. 

 

"You love it." Lexa replies with a smirk. 

 

"I do." Clarke admits - confidence was attractive to her. "But I love you more." 

 

"I love me too." Lexa says and Clarke laughs. "I guess I might love you just a little bit more than myself." Lexa teases. 

 

"That is a lot." Clarke replies feeling Lexa's hands slip to her waist. "I accept your ring asshole." 

 

"Good, that's a lot less embarrassing than I thought it was going to be." Lexa admits. Clarke laughs softly before bringing her lips to Lexa's neck kissing and  nipping at the skin there gently. 

 

"Lex?" Clarke asks moving her hand up to Lexa's cheek while skimming her lips over Lexa's neck up to her jaw. Lexa swallows nervously her body reacting to Clarke without her say so.  _ She was dying, the blonde was killing her _ . It was quite disappointing to Lexa just how easy Clarke could melt her into a big puddle of arousal - disappointing and embarrassing. 

 

"Yes Clarke?" Lexa croaks pushing herself closer to her to allow Clarke better accessibility to her throat and that one spot Lexa was especially ticklish in. 

 

"I'm ready." Clarke says simply and Lexa freezes - she wasn't sure she'd heard that right. She pushes aside her lust and leans back from the blonde staring at her for a moment. 

 

"You're ready?" Lexa asks in disbelief - she wasn't sure if she believed that or not. 

 

"I wanted my first time to be with someone I love and someone who I knew wouldn't hurt me." Clarke takes Lexa's hands. "I'm certain now that's you." 

 

"But I'm an idiot?" Lexa asks earning her a wide smile from Clarke. 

 

"Yes but you're my idiot." Clarke replies wrapping her hand around the base of Lexa's neck and pulling her onto her lips. Lexa still wasn't sure if Clarke was sure or not so once again she leans back. 

 

"You're sure?" Lexa asks staring her in the eyes, she was deadly serious now, of course she wanted Clarke, she'd wanted Clarke for a long time, but she also respected her enough not to pressure her into anything. 

 

"Are you trying to talk me out of it?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow. Lexa shakes her head furiously but still makes no move to touch Clarke - not until she answered the question. "Yes, I've never been more sure of something in my life." Lexa leans in then not wasting a second to lay her hands on the blonde's hips. 

 

What followed was a pretty aggressive make out session, hands traveling up soft exposed skin, until they eventually parted panting wildly. "We're not doing it on the floor." Clarke says when Lexa gives her a pout at the separation. Clarke stands up and Lexa follows swiftly after her not letting her hands leave Clarke's body. The blonde was pleasantly surprised when she felt Lexa's hands tug on her shirt signalling that she needed the blonde to remove the piece of clothing between them. Clarke chuckles and nods her head in answer and Lexa eagerly pulls it over her head, careful to not hurt Clarke in the process, but God was she eager. 

 

Lexa pushes Clarke back until her legs hit the end of the bed and the blonde falls backwards onto the bed and waits for Lexa to join her. Lexa stares at her for a moment, her blue eyes were a shade darker with lust, and Lexa was pretty sure her own eyes were dilated with lust. Lexa removes her own shirt before joining Clarke on the bed reconnecting their lips in a sloppy kiss. "Lexa." Clarke breathes. Her hands fumble with the brunette's pants telling Lexa Clarke was a little nervous which was understandable the first time always was nerve wracking - Lexa still remembered her's. 

 

"Shh." Lexa hums pushing Clarke's hands away from her pants. She lowers herself closer to Clarke's ear. "Let me take care of you." She whispers hands gliding down from Clarke's arm to her stomach to her waist. Lexa begins undoing Clarke's pants and easily discards them leaving Clarke in only her underwear. Lexa takes a moment to take the whole of Clarke in her eyes shifting from lust to love just as easily as they had when everything had started. But Clarke wasn't having Lexa still in her pants, no, that was far too unsatisfying. She takes Lexa's distraction to her advantage and pulls her down onto the bed flipping their positions. Lexa was so surprised by Clarke's dominance she let the blonde unbutton her pants and take them off without any questions or protests. 

 

Clarke places her leg between Lexa's thigh and begins grinding down on the brunette. Lexa lets out a whimper and her head falls back into the pillow. "Clarke... God." She moans and the sight of Lexa whimpering beneath her was overwhelming, Clarke was sure she could get off by just watching Lexa squirm beneath her, but she wanted more. She wanted to  _ feel  _ Lexa. 

 

Lexa expertly removes Clarke's bra using only one hand and the blonde chuckles against Lexa's skin. The brunette grins and pulls Clarke beside her and let's her have the honour of removing her bra. Lexa's hand skims up along Clarke's thigh to her hip, momentarily lingering at the fringe of her panties, before stopping just above her chest. Clarke frowns at the loss of contact - especially when Lexa removes her lips from her's. She opens her eyes to see green eyes staring at her, uncertainty lighting them, and Clarke smiles slightly already knowing what Lexa was thinking. Her green eyes reflected her silent question of 'are you sure?' And Clarke rolls her eyes before taking Lexa's hand and guiding it down to her chest. "I love you Lexa." Clarke whispers huskily with Lexa's breath hitching. 

 

"I love you too." Lexa murmurs already distracted by Clarke's body and the growing wetness between her legs and the steady throb was a clear sign that Lexa was more than ready to finally be wholeheartedly with her girlfriend.

 

Lexa was lying on her stomach, head leaning on the pillow, with her eyes closed. The sheets were in a disarray around her and covered Lexa enough for her to be decent but enough to expose her back to Clarke. Clarke was lying on her side with her head resting on her hand as her other one traced over Lexa's soft skin. Her finger trails along the long tattoo that ran down the length of Lexa's back. Lexa had her eyes closed but she was not asleep, no, she was simply enjoying the sheer bliss of feeling Clarke beside her after the most amazing experience of her life. "I thought I was good but, damn, Clarke." Lexa says tiredly from her position. Clarke smiles, her finger not ceasing its movements. "That thing you did with your mouth was especially exquisite." Clarke shakes her head slightly at Lexa's words not really believing what she was saying. 

 

"You weren't too bad yourself." Clarke comments. 

 

"Excuse me? I'll have you know I'm a God in bed." Lexa says feigning offence. She sighs and turns over so she can face Clarke. The blonde raises her eyebrows and moves her hand to rest on Lexa's covered hip. Lexa’s eyes become serious and Clarke looks her in the eyes trying to read what she was thinking. "Was your first time... was it what you wanted it to be?" Lexa asks awkwardly. Clarke smiles amused by Lexa’s timidness - she still found it adorable that the brunette had that side to her and she loved that she was able to draw it out of her. 

 

"Yes Lexa, you're right, you are very good in bed." Clarke concedes - not that Lexa needed an ego boost. "What about you? Was that any better than those few women you've been with?" 

 

"No competition." Lexa replies without hesitation. "They got nothing on you Griffin." 

 

"You do realise you have to get dressed before my mom comes home, right?" Clarke asks and Lexa groans. 

 

"Just let me sleep, you exhausted me." Lexa complains but Clarke gives her a look. "I just want to cuddle." 

 

"Cuddle when you’re clothed." Clarke says pushing her towards the edge of the bed. Lexa grumbles and sits up letting the sheets fall from her body. Clarke stares for a moment as Lexa stretches out before she scoops her tank top up off the floor. She pulls it over her head and Clarke grabs herself an oversized t-shirt from the drawer - Lexa's eyes following her as she moved across the room. 

 

Lexa stands up and pulls her pants on before she collapses back on the bed. Clarke pulls on a pair of shorts since she had nothing else planned other than to cuddle with her girlfriend. She climbs next to Lexa and instantly snuggles into her side. She begins running her hands through Lexa's dishevelled hair. She loved the fact that Lexa's hair was naturally curly and her thick soft locks were heavenly to run her hands through but Lexa rarely wore her hair out of their braids - it was a rare luxury that Clarke savoured. Lexa didn't complain either, in fact, she found the gesture extremely relaxing. "Is your wound okay?" Clarke asks. She had been very careful not to injure the brunette but Lexa always put on a brave face even when she was in pain. 

 

"Fine." Lexa mutters sleepily. Clarke's massaging and warmth was making her sleepy all over again. "You're wearing my ring." Lexa says after a moment. Clarke smiles and stops her movements, Lexa makes a small grunt in disapproval. 

 

"I told you I accepted it." Clarke replies now tracing Lexa's arm tattoo. It was very intricate and fascinating for her as an artist. 

 

"I know but I didn't believe you." Lexa says with a shrug. 

 

"Sleep for a while and I'll wake you when you have to leave." Clarke says quietly with a small smiles.

 

"You'll stay with me right?" Lexa mumbles. 

 

"Where else would I be?" Clarke asks.

 

Later that night, after Lexa had left claiming it would be easier to hide the truth from Abby if she wasn't there, Clarke heard the front door opening. She assumed it was her mom but usually she called up to her to make sure she was home. Clarke sits upright realising her sheets were still in a disarray and -  _ was it possible to smell of sex? _ Clarke had been sure Lexa had been joking when she'd said it but now she wasn't so certain and whoever was making their way up the stairs was very close to finding that out for her. 

 

Clarke breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Raven appear in the doorway, her characteristic childish grin plastered on her face. She takes in Clarke's bedroom before her eyes grow wide in realisation. Zero words,  _ zero fucking words _ , and already Raven knew. "Oh. My. God. No fucking way!" She squeals. Clarke stands up from the bed still wearing the oversized t-shirt and shorts she'd pulled out previously. "Holy shit, it's like a fucking morning after scene in here." 

 

"Raven, can you please not?" Clarke complains covering her face to hide her reddening cheeks. Unfortunately, that meant exposing her ring that was placed on her right hand on the opposite wedding finger. Raven's eyes grow wide again and she grabs Clarke's hand to stare at the smooth band. 

 

"Wait, so you get engaged and lost your virginity all in the same time frame?" Raven asks in disbelief. 

 

"It's not an engagement ring!" Clarke replies irritably snatching her hand away from Raven. "It's a promise ring." 

 

"Please tell me you didn't drop your pants just because miss charming came swooping in all leather and bearing a ring?" Raven continues but she knew Lexa and she knew she'd never take advantage of Clarke like that. 

 

"No." Clarke deadpans. Raven hesitates to sit down on the bed and Clarke raises an eyebrow. 

 

"I don't know, maybe you should wash them first, I don't want any surprises." Raven teases and Clarke shoots her a glare. Raven sits down next to her best friend and smiles. "So? How was it?" Clarke didn't even have to answer; the smile that spread across her face at just the memory and mention of it was enough for Raven to know. "That good huh?" 

 

"Raven, oh my God, I know I haven't done this before but I swear she's like the best there is out there. The best I've ever had." 

 

"Too bad you have no one to compare her to." Raven jokes. "Come on, tell me more princess." 

 

"She was so gentle, and she made sure that I was sure about what was happening, and she was loving and tender and, god, I just want to do it all over again." Clarke falls back into the sheets and Raven laughs. 

 

"So Lexa's good in bed, somehow that doesn't surprise me, but I really hope she hasn't turned you into a horn dog." Raven says. "Alright, look, momma bear Griffin will be home soon and if you don't want her figuring out what went down here I suggest we clean up. Then we can have a nice girls night in." 

 

"What about O?" Clarke asks already stripping her bed. 

 

"She's busy. Something about Bellamy being a dick and her having to put him straight probably by knocking him on his ass." Raven says with a shrug. Clarke nods her head understandably, she was looking forward to talking to Raven about everything, not just the sex, but the ring and the things Lexa had said to her. 

 

Once everything was put back into place the two girls settled together on Clarke's fresh bed, her laptop placed at the end of it playing some sort of random movie Raven had chosen. They were settled just in time for when Abby came home. She called to Clarke who replied along with Raven and they waited a few minutes before resuming their conversation. "So how are you feeling?" Raven asks and Clarke frowns not sure what she meant. "I still can't believe my little girl finally lost her V... she's growing up." Raven pretends that she was tearful and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"I feel the same... just happier." Clarke answers with a shrug. 

 

"Okay, and how do you feel about the ring?" Raven asks raising her eyebrows. 

 

"What do you mean?" Clarke asks confused as to what Raven was asking exactly. 

 

"I don't really know about promise rings but they're a pretty big deal to a lot of people. I just want to be sure you're sure." Raven replies. Clarke thinks about it for a moment. 

 

"I don't think it's that big of a deal, just a reminder of what Lexa promised me, and in my books that's the best thing ever." 

 

"Urgh, you're so in love it's physically disgusting." Raven groans. "I'm never going to find that." She falls back into the bed and Clarke laughs lying beside her best friend. 

 

"Anya's pretty into you." Clarke reassures and Raven gives her a look. 

 

"Maybe." She says and Clarke leans her hand on Raven's hip. 

 

"Tell you what, if we're both single when we're forty then how about we marry each other?" Clarke asks though she very much doubted it would ever happen but Raven did seem to find the idea highly amusing. 

 

"We are pretty good together." Raven replies with a smile causing Clarke to smile. "But you're already engaged." 

 

"Raven, I swear to God -" Clarke begins but Raven's laughter cuts her off. 

 

"Alright, I'll stop." Raven says cutting off Clarke's threat. "The princess and the mechanic." 

 

"It sounds like a bad movie." Clarke comments and Raven laughs. 

 

"I think you mean an  _ awesome  _ movie." Raven says and Clarke chuckles. "If she hurts you, you know I'll kick her ass right?" Raven's asks and Clarke nods her head. "And if you hurt her, I'll have to give you the same treatment." 

 

"Excuse me?” Clarke asks in disbelief. 

 

"Hey, Lexa and I are homies I gotta represent." Raven replies with a shrug. 

 

"That's so cringy Raven, please never talk like that again." Clarke pleads. 

 

"So this whole marrying me thing, please tell me that doesn't include sex?" Clarke didn't know whether to be offended or not. "I just mean, you could go somewhere else to get that entertainment... might be a tad weird if I do it." Raven says casually. 

 

"You're disgusting." The idea of being with Raven did seem a little weird to Clarke - or at least intimately it did. "We'd just be two best friends who are married but who are open to sex from other people." 

 

"Okay but you should know I'm amazing in bed." Raven says with a wink and Clarke shoves her out the bed playfully causing her to tumble to the floor. 

 

"Sure, why not push the girl with the bad leg out of bed?" Raven asks in a groan from the floor. 

 

"Girls, I'm ordering pizza if you want some?" Abby calls from the base of the stairs and Raven was on her feet instantly. Clarke laughs as Raven exits the bedroom and she hastily follows after her best friend. Raven may be both irritating and infuriating but Clarke wouldn't have her any other way. She felt light and happy, not only did she have the best,  _ best _ , friends in the world but, she also had the best girlfriend who loves her very much and that was incomprehensible to the blonde

 

Lexa hadn't been home long but she was surprised to find the house completely vacated. Sure she resented being left out of Trikru business but since she'd been quite busy with her hands full (interpret that as you will) she didn't really mind. Her hair was still out of its braids and her clothes were dishevelled and creased from when she had fallen asleep beside Clarke. She wasn't kidding when she told Clarke that she was the best she'd ever had; she'd never had intimacy like that before, never felt that powerful about someone, and God Clarke was good. 

 

Lexa's train of thought is interrupted with a knock at the door. Lexa wasn't expecting anyone so she answers it cautiously wondering if Raven had chosen to take another impromptu visit but who Lexa saw shocked her very much. Lexa opens the door fully to reveal the blonde behind it. She had multiple cuts and bruises on her face and there was a noticeable gash on her right arm that she was holding. "Costia?" Lexa asks. Her heart was racing, not at the sight of Costia but more at the blood, she may not be with Costia anymore but that didn't mean she didn't care. Costia looked close to tears maybe from the pain or possibly from something else. 

 

Lexa wraps her hand gently around the blonde's wrist and gently tugs her inside to the kitchen. She pulls a stool out and sits Costia down on it. She leaves momentarily to go retrieve the first aid kit from the bathroom and by the time she got back Costia was sitting looking completely uncomfortable. Lexa sighs, sets the first aid box on the side and grabs a cloth. She runs it under the tap to wet it and then settles beside Costia. She gently dabs at the gash and the blonde winces at the contact initially before settling down. 

 

Lexa worked at a steady rhythm, first cleaning the wound on Costia arm that was clearly done by a knife - Lexa had sustained enough to know. Lexa knew Costia better than anyone and she knew that she wouldn't talk until she was ready. It took her until Lexa moved to her face for her to even utter a word. Lexa places her finger beneath Costia's chin and tilts it up. She then concentrates on the deeper cut on the tip of her head near her hairline. "I'm sorry." Costia mutters sending vibrations down Lexa's finger that was resting under her chin. Lexa frowns slightly and shifts her eyes from the cut to Costia's eyes. 

 

"Why?" Lexa asks dropping the rag now she was just staring at Costia. 

 

"I-I didn't have anywhere else to go and I didn't know, if after everything, you'd-" Costia begins.

 

"You thought I'd just send you away when you're hurt?" Lexa knew she had been cold and bitter towards Costia but she should know better than to think of the brunette like that. 

 

"I thought it was a possibility." Costia admits. "And then I remembered how sweet you really are." Lexa scoffs and begins dressing the wound on Coria's arm. 

 

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Lexa asks lightly. She knew Costia was still in a fragile state so she couldn't be her usual aloof self. 

 

"Because it's true." Costia replies with a smile. "You remember when you saved that cat from a tree." 

 

"It was raining, I couldn't exactly leave it up there." Lexa says defensively. "You can't go around poking holes in my dangerous image." Costia laughs and even Lexa was smiling fondly from the conversation. Lexa was over Costia romantically but she wasn't quite ready to let go of their friendship. They had, after all, known each other from a very young age since they'd gone to the same school their whole lives. Lexa finishes up and Costia sighs knowing she should probably tell Lexa what happened. "Did you know?" Lexa asks interrupting Costia's thoughts. "Did you know about Roan?" Lexa rephrases her question and Costia's eyes soften immediately. 

 

"God, no, Lexa, Roan implied something was going down but I never thought they'd shoot you. If I had known I would have-" Lexa interrupts her before she can finish. 

 

"You would have done something?" Lexa asks not believing that at all - Costia chose Azgeda on more than one occasion. 

 

"Of course I would've done something." Costia says surprising Lexa. "As loyal as I am to Azgeda I would never want you to get hurt." Lexa looks away from her unsure of how to take that information. "You want to know why I got hurt don't you?" Costia asks and Lexa nods her head in answer turning to face her again. "Nia, she told me to get close to you so that she could take you down once and for all and when I refused..." Lexa holds her hand up, she really didn't need to hear the gory details, but still Costia's response surprised her further. 

 

"I'm starting to think I need to have a little chat with Nia."  _ Seriously, things were getting out of hand.  _

 

"I don't think that's a good idea." Costia says her stomach churning with that thought. "She's... she's crazier than usual! And shit, Lexa, you got fucking shot." Lexa shifts her weight from foot to foot. 

 

"Yeah." Lexa says quietly. Costia looks at her, her eyes shining slightly, wondering if she'd said something to upset her. 

 

"You're hair's down." Costia notes - of course she'd noticed before but she'd been a little worked up to mention it. Costia knew just how rare it was for Lexa to have her hair such a way and she knew what rare occasions that applied to. Lexa looks at her her eyes showing her exactly what Costia had been thinking. "Oh." Costia says - no words needed. 

 

"Don't  _ oh  _ me you had your chance and you left." Lexa says frowning.

 

"I know, I'm not judging." Costia says gently. "I just... do you love her?" She asks and Lexa hesitates, not because she had doubts about how she felt but more for the fact that Costia was her ex and this was the kind of conversation she really didn't want to talk to her about. 

 

"I do. A lot." Lexa answers. "I don't want to screw things up."

 

"Then don't be an idiot." Costia replies with a playful smile. 

 

"I want to make this right." Lexa says kneeling in front of Costia. "You can stay here, we've got plenty of rooms, and, by the sounds of things, the Azgeda is your enemy right now which makes you one of us." Costia laughs dryly at that. 

 

"How painfully ironic." She says and Lexa could hear the pain,  _ the regret _ , behind her words. 

 

"Costia, I would never want anything to hurt you either. You know that." Lexa says quietly. "I can't say everyone will be as welcoming as I am, but they're just gonna have to accept it because I'm not letting you go back there. I know what Nia's capable of." Lexa lifts her shirt to reveal the covered up healing wound. "I'm going to have a scar to prove it." Costia laughs and shakes her head and Lexa smiles. "I'll show you to your room." Lexa stands up and heads out the kitchen. Costia takes a moment and let's out a long breath - she'd almost forgotten just how safe Lexa made her feel. 

 

The next time Clarke saw Lexa it was in school, and it was the briefest of encounters, she was angry about something, Clarke could see it, and she brushed Clarke off so easily that the blonde felt a little hurt by the action but Lexa had one mission that moment and she needed Clarke to stay as far away as possible. 

 

Lexa storms up to Nia's locker and slams it shut jolting the girl in surprise. Her nearby goons stand to attention but one glare at them and they instantly backed off. Lexa had her hand leaning against the locker and her eyes were burning with rage. Nia raises her eyebrows not wasting her breath on asking Lexa what she was doing. "I can't believe you." Lexa says lowly. "I knew you were a lot of things Nia but I never thought you'd attack and throw out one of your own just for the sake of some kind of personal vendetta you have against me." Nia feigns ignorance turning her head to the side in a questioning manner. 

 

"Oh, you mean that blonde who's so clearly still pining over you?" Nia asks. "She deserved everything she got." Lexa hits the locker hard and closes in on Nia pushing her close to the locker. "What Lexa? What are you going to do?" Nia dares, her eyes sparkling, Lexa raises her hand and points it directly at Nia's face. 

 

"You better watch your back." Lexa growls but before she could move away Nia brings her fist down harshly on Lexa's, still healing, wound purposely digging her knuckles into it causing the brunette to yelp and fall backwards on the ground. Nia laughs coldly staring down at Lexa like she was some kind of weakling. 

 

"Look at you, you're  _ pathetic _ , a little girl who thinks she's  _ it _ . Well I have news for you Lexa," Nia leans down close to her face and smiles cruelty. "you ain't shit." She turns on her heel and leaves followed by her two goons. Lexa groans, her hand still pressed to her side, and when she removes her hand she saw that she had bled through her shirt -  _ of course, why not? _ That's when her personal blonde doctor came to her rescue. 

 

"Lexa." Clarke says concern evident in her tone. "Are you okay? What happened?" 

 

"I'd really rather not relive the mortifying details." Lexa says pressing her hand back to her side. "I think I may have pulled a few of my stitches out." Possibly, although Lexa hoped not because that meant Nia had caused her some kind of damage and that wasn't okay. 

 

Clarke stares at her and then helps her up. She wordless struts towards the bathroom and Lexa follows feeling Clarke's demand without it being said. Clarke was pissed, Lexa could see it by the way she walked and the slight clench of her jaw when she had knelt beside her. Lexa enters the bathroom and Clarke begins her work removing the large bandage that covered Lexa's wound to see the stitches beneath it. They weren't torn, or broken, thankfully, but Lexa had definitely put strain on it which was why it was bleeding slightly. Clarke stops the bleeding and covers the wound back up. She pulls Lexa's shirt down and goes to leave but the brunette stops her. "Clarke." Lexa says. She wasn't sure what she'd done to piss Clarke off so much but telling her about Costia right now would not help. Clarke turns and let's out an annoyed sigh. "What did I do?" Lexa asks and Clarke didn't fail to notice that Lexa was taking responsibility for whatever problem Clarke had. 

 

"You mean aside from ignore me ever since last night and then somehow injure yourself and not explain?" Clarke asks sarcastically and Lexa's shoulders slump, she had been ignoring Clarke, she felt like a complete asshole. "You know what, if you regret sleeping with me that bad then I'll save us both some time." Clarke goes to walk out but Lexa reaches out pulling her back towards her. Clarke's breath hitches at the sudden closeness between them and all of sudden she was thrown back to their night of bliss: she was next to Lexa, tracing her tattoos again, and the darkening of Clarke's eyes didn't go unnoticed by Lexa. 

 

"It's not like that." Lexa says her hand clasping around Clarke's hand and bringing it to her lips. She kisses the ring on her finger and looks Clarke in the eyes. "I wouldn't trade that night for the world." Lexa says and her voice implied she was telling the truth. "I had to confront Nia and things went a little sideways, look, I'm sorry, I've been a shitty girlfriend but I promise to make up for it." Lexa swears. Clarke relents giving in to Lexa's soft caressing and kissing. 

 

"Confront Nia?" Clarke asks curiously - she couldn't help but wonder why Lexa had wanted to do such a thing. 

 

"We'll talk about it later." Lexa says she really didn't want to bring Costia up - it was not the right moment to share something like that. "There's something I want to show you soon." 

 

"Soon?" Clarke asks while she raises an eyebrow and grins at Lexa and the brunette returns if with a smile. 

 

"Yes soon, I'm just I'm not sure I'm ready yet, it's kind of really important to me." It's also only known by two other souls on this earth and opening up to Clarke about her past about her mom was a pretty big step. Clarke nods her understanding, seeing Lexa's hesitance, whatever she wanted to share Clarke could wait until she was sure she was ready to tell her. 

 

"Come on, let's get to class." Clarke squeezes Lexa's hand and pushes the bathroom door open. 

 

"I need to change my shirt first." Lexa replies. It was almost scary how good Clarke made her feel, how safe and valued Clarke made her feel, she almost made Lexa forget that she was unlovable and wounded -  _ almost - _ but not completely. Clarke wouldn't stop until she healed every wound Lexa had, whether that be a kiss at a time, or whatever, Clarke didn't care, just whatever Lexa needed she would do without question.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Clexa went all the way, I would've written more smut but I'm not sure if I'm good at it tbh :P So Costia's back.. that could be bad or potentially good. The promise ring was inspired by a Glee episode when Sam gives Quinn a promise ring and I thought it was cute af for Clexa. Let me know what you think and I'll have a new chapter soon.


	13. Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is a dramatic little bean but Clarke finds it super adorable and amusing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clexa are practically confirmed Soulmates™ thanks to Eliza - she's still the captain of the Clexa ship lets be real. Did anyone else see the Wondercon panel? It was basically Jason trying to excuse himself for all the shit he pulled (which does he really think we're buying?) and Lindsey and Eliza were having none of it - I actually love them so much. Anyway, enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Side note: Lexa now has a filter on snapchat - what the what?

Lexa was able to set up a meeting with Roan through Costia which really was the bright side to her staying in her house. Anya didn't like it one bit and Lexa still hadn't plucked up the courage to tell Clarke but she wasn't even sure how to attempt to even start that conversation. ‘Hey Clarke, so you know my ex girlfriend? Yeah well we kind of live together now.' No, it just wouldn't go down well whichever way you looked at it. 

 

At the sound of a light rap at her door Lexa knew exactly who it was, her family knew nothing about privacy, Anya practically storms in her room whenever she so desires and Lexa had grown so used to it that hearing the light knock was foreign to her. "Come in." Lexa calls distractedly. Costia slips into the room and closes the door behind her and she looks at Lexa - who was currently in a heated game of Call of Duty with a bunch of ten year olds who were severely getting on her nerves. "I am so sick of being cooped up in this room." Lexa grunts pausing the game and throwing the controller onto her bed. "What's up? You okay?" Lexa asks frowning when she sees Costia's timid look. 

 

"I'm good." Costia says with a shrug. "Indra still giving you a hard time?" 

 

"I don't think I'll ever be allowed to leave this room ever again. Actually, I'm pretty sure, if Indra could, she’d wrap me in a bubble and lock me in my room for the rest of my life." Lexa jokes and Costia laughs nodding her head in agreement because that did sound an awful lot like Indra. Costia plays with her hands and Lexa frowns deeper at how nervous she seemed to be. "You can sit down you know." Lexa says. 

 

"I know." Costia replies stepping towards the bed and sitting on the edge next to Lexa. Costia couldn't stop thinking about the memories they'd made on that bed on the days when Lexa's family had been gone and she wouldn't get caught. Eventually, their relationship had become obvious and both Azgeda and Trikru disproved. "You told Clarke about this little arrangement?" Costia asks curiously. She'd never actually met the blonde but, from what she had heard, she sounded like a genuinely nice girl. 

 

"No." Lexa answers with a sigh. 

 

" _ What _ ? Well, what if she comes over and finds out that way?" Costia asks raising her eyebrows. Lexa laughs and looks at Costia beside her. 

 

"She doesn't know where I live." But Raven did. And if she decided to share that information with her friend then that could possibly lead to Clarke coming along and discovering Costia. 

 

"What do you mean she doesn't know where you live?" Costia asks dumbfounded. "You haven't brought her home yet? Not even once?" 

 

"I always go over there." Lexa shrugs. "I don't mind, I like escaping for a while, and Clarke's a great escape plus Abby kind of-" Lexa stops suddenly the thought settling in her mind and making her stomach drop - she felt a little sick at herself for having such a thought. Costia's eyes gave away that she understood what Lexa was thinking and she could see from the look of disdain on Lexa’s face that she was ashamed. 

 

"She reminds you of your mom doesn't she?" Costia asks gently and Lexa slumps down letting her shame really show. 

 

"It's wrong, I know no one could replace my mom, I love her and I miss her, but Abby, she... it's because she cares and my mom was the only person who really ever cared for me." Lexa explains feeling worse about herself. 

 

"It's okay Lexa." Costia says gently. "Although I disagree about her being the only person who cared for you. It’s natural for you to begin moving on, God knows you've mourned long enough." 

 

"I don't want to forget her." Lexa says quietly. She wasn't quite falling back into that pit of despair but she was getting dangerously close. 

 

"You can be happy and move on and still keep your mom's memory alive. Lexa,  _ she raised you _ , you're more like her than anyone." Costia reassures. 

 

"What about Anya?" Lexa asks with an amused smile - she already knew the answer to that but she wanted to hear Costia say it. 

 

"Anya's more like your dad, all headstrong and angry, but, then again, you're a little like that when you're being a dick." 

 

" _ Hey _ !" Lexa protests. "It's a Woods thing." 

 

"Sure it is. Then what happened to Lincoln? He's practically a fucking puppy." Costia jokes which Lexa had to agree was true. 

 

"He is more of a lover than a fighter." Lexa admits. "Lincoln is not who we were talking about, we were discussing me and how awesome I am." 

 

"You're so conceited it's a little ridiculous." Costia says with an eye roll. 

 

"Maybe." Lexa reasons. "So, you up for me kicking your ass at call of duty?" Lexa asks wiggling her eyebrows in a challenge. 

 

"You're on, but Lex?" Costia asks picking up the other controller. Lexa looks at her curiously waiting for her to expand on what she wanted to say. "You're having Clarke over, I don't care if I have to leave the fucking country, it's about damn time she got to see you in your own home." Lexa may not see the big deal behind it but Lexa was different in her own room, she was more relaxed at ease, and seeing someone's room was a pretty big step in any relationship - whether that was friendship or romantic it didn't matter. Lexa nods once before resuming the game. She was player number one - of course - she always was player number one and she always would be because she was the best. End of story.

 

Lexa did take Costia's advice and after them agreeing that she would, under no circumstances, leave her room until Lexa said the coast was clear she had gave in and invited Clarke to her house. She shouldn't be as nervous as she was but her ex was literally down the hall and the fact that Clarke was going to see her room, her private place where she retired every night - well most nights - and where she spent pretty much all her time if she wasn't with Clarke, was nerve wracking. The other thing was the fact that Indra was home, although Lexa was going to try and intercept that as much as she could, Indra had a tendency to be a little overbearing and she didn't want her scaring Clarke away with her intense personality - she wasn't exactly the most enthusiastic person in the world. 

 

Lexa opens the door and Clarke grins happily at her. Lexa instantly feels herself relax the tension leaving her shoulders. Lexa didn't hesitate to pull her inside and wrap her in a tight hug. "I missed you." Lexa mutters holding her closely to her. Clarke let's out an amused laugh and wraps her arms around Lexa's neck. 

 

"It's only been a day." Clarke says with a grin. 

 

"I'm beginning to go through Clarke withdrawals." Lexa complains and Clarke really does laugh at that her cheeks tinging slightly pink making her feel slightly flustered. 

 

"Lexa?" Indra calls and Lexa quickly separates herself standing up a little straighter. Clarke stands still, tensing at the unknown voice, she knew Lexa's aunt looked after her and, from what Lexa had told her, she was fiercely protective and loyal and that was terrifying. Lexa takes Clarke's hand and squeezes it gently letting her know that she was there and with a quick reassuring look Clarke was already feeling significantly calmer. "Are you going out?" Indra scowls at Lexa, she knew the rules, she couldn't leave the house unless she told Indra exactly where she was going. 

 

"No, I was just going to hang in my room with Clarke... if that's not too much to ask." Lexa sounded completely sarcastic towards the end of that sentence and Clarke was surprised that she'd been allowed to get away with it. 

 

"This must be Clarke." Indra's eyes roll over Clarke's body and Clarke instantly felt exposed - like Indra was staring into her soul. When Lexa had told Clarke that she was intense she hadn't believed her but now that she was face to face with Indra she completely understood. "That's fine." Indra says already moving towards her office. 

 

"Thanks ma'am." Lexa gave her a salute and rolled her eyes and then began leading Clarke up the large staircase. 

 

Lexa pulls her into her bedroom and closes her door behind her letting out a sigh of relief at finally being alone with her girlfriend. Clarke examines the bedroom before her: she had expected the room to be untidy and a little chaotic but it was surprisingly neat and tidy, excluding Lexa's bed which was unmade - Lexa never really saw the point of making your bed when you just fall right back asleep in it - there was a desk in the corner with a few books on top of it, one of which was her mauled copy of Romeo and Juliet, a large closet ran the length of one of her walls and she even had a TV with a game console, plus a dart board was hanging above her desk with the darts buried in it. 

 

Clarke, unlike Raven, noticed the personal items dotted around. It wasn't much but one caught her eye right away. It was a photo of a little Lexa, who was standing next to a tall, slim woman, who had her hand resting on her head and her eyes shining with love in the exact same shade of green as Lexa's. "That's my mom." Lexa says quietly so as not to startle Clarke. "She insisted on having the photo framed and, once she died, I took the picture from her office. It's nice to remember how happy we were." Lexa reveals wrapping her arms around Clarke's waist from the back. She leans forward and places her chin on the blonde's shoulder. "I have to tell you something." Lexa whispers and Clarke turns around in Lexa's arms to face her. 

 

"Good or bad?" Clarke asks -  _ that all depended on Clarke _ . 

 

"Roan shot me." Lexa deadpans letting the words slip from her lips before she could change her mind. Clarke closes her eyes, and her breath hitches in her throat, letting that information sink in. "Well, he shot me but it wasn't really him." 

 

"I don't think that's possible." Clarke replies. Lexa's arms were still resting on her hips while Clarke rested both her hands on Lexa's cheeks gently running her thumb over her soft skin. 

 

"He was just following orders from Nia but she's untouchable. She's like the freaking sun, hard to look at and if you get too close you get burnt." 

 

"If you get real close you can die." Clarke says looking Lexa in the eyes - she knew exactly what Lexa was thinking and that's what made Lexa smile. 

 

"True, but I can't exactly sit back and do nothing. Nia's had my life for way too long, first with Costia, and I'm scared she's going to drag you into this." Lexa confesses - it wasn't beneath Nia to do such a thing. "I want her to look me in the eyes and tell me why she hates me so much and why she wants me dead." Clarke sighs. She knew she couldn't change Lexa's mind but she just wished that the brunette could see that there was more to life than just vengeance and a continuous circle of violence. 

 

"Be careful." Clarke says simply caressing Lexa's cheek. 

 

"That's what I promised you." Lexa says nudging into her hand that wore the ring. Clarke lets out a huff of laughter in fond amusement and closes the space between them. She'd waited long enough to kiss Lexa and Lexa was equally as eager reveling in the feel of Clarke's soft lips. Lexa's hands wander from Clarke's hips down to her thigh. Clarke grins and the kiss becomes heated Lexa pushing Clarke back gently until she hit the wall where she could push herself harder and closer to the blonde. 

 

When they eventually do part they we're both left breathless and panting. Lexa tentatively brushes a strand of blonde hair from Clarke's face coaxing a soft laugh from the blonde. Lexa smiles wide and cups Clarke's cheek. "Isn't your aunt downstairs?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow suspiciously. 

 

"Well then you're just going to have to be quiet." Lexa whispers seductively into Clarke's ear. 

 

"I'm pretty sure you made all the noise last time." Clarke teases back which Lexa gets her revenge for by biting softly at Clarke's exposed skin on her neck leaving an impressive mark. Lexa's hand was also resting inches away from where Clarke really wanted it to be. More contact. That's exactly what Clarke needed, more contact, and from the shine in Lexa's eye, and the lick of her lips, Clarke knew that Lexa wanted the same. They'd both have to be quiet.

 

"There's something I have to ask you." Lexa says from her position on her bed. She was sitting up, propped against the headboard, hair ruffled, with only a t-shirt and underwear on. She was watching Clarke gather up her clothes and slip each item of clothing on. Clarke glances at Lexa who looked absolutely adorable. She looked so young with her hair dishevelled, a small lopsided smile on her face and her eyes slightly tired after the moment they had just shared. Despite their rule to be quiet they'd slipped more than once but Clarke was confident no one would have heard unless they were really paying attention. 

 

"Oh?" Clarke asks picking her shirt up from the lamp shade where it had landed. Lexa stands up and Clarke's breath hitches at the sight of Lexa's bare legs those legs -  _ God  _ \- Clarke was starting to think they were really becoming her kryptonite - especially with the way the orange sunlight, streaming in through the window, hit them. 

 

"Feel free to say no but Anya, Lincoln and I go fishing once a month.  Anya's invited Raven so I thought maybe, if you wanted to, you would maybe want to come?" Lexa asks sighing when she manages the finally wrap her arms around her girlfriend again - she really was tired. 

 

"Fishing?" Clarke asks. 

 

"Maybe a little camping? It depends on how moody Anya is.” Lexa shrugs. "I was thinking you could maybe invite Octavia to come along, I mean, I would but I get the sense she doesn't like me very much." 

 

"She likes you she's just very protective." Clarke says. "Wait, Lincoln?" 

 

"He's my cousin, he's a huge softie really." Lexa assures because it was true, Lincoln always was more of a healer than anything, but damn was he intimidating, muscly and a fucking ninja fighter when he wanted to be. 

 

"A bigger softie than you?" Clarke asks and Lexa narrows her eyes. 

 

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you just said that. So what do you think?" Lexa asks and Clarke pauses for a moment. 

 

"You any good at fishing?" Clarke had never been fishing before but she couldn't imagine that it'd be that hard - maybe a little difficult if Lexa was with her and distracted her which she tended to do without even realising it. Clarke runs her hands through Lexa's thick locks and sighs. 

 

"I'm amazing at everything, I'll catch the best fish you've ever seen. Count on it." Lexa says sounding very full of herself. 

 

"You sound pretty sure." Clarke says skeptically. 

 

"I thought you would know by now that I'm good at everything." Lexa says - maybe with a hint of a smirk. 

 

"Oh, wow, okay, so you're sure you're going to catch?" Clarke asks and Lexa nods her head. She had zero doubts. She always caught, even when she had been little and she'd first gone on a fishing trip with her mom, dad, Indra,  Anya and Lincoln. "You care to bet on that?" The small mischievous smile on Clarke's face was endearing to Lexa and she couldn't help but feel a little intrigued by the offer. 

 

"You'll lose." Lexa replies matter-of-factly as though there was no debate. 

 

"Seriously, whoever catches the bigger fish wins." Clarke says. 

 

"Fine, but you're setting yourself up for failure." Lexa says with a shrug. "So what exactly does the winner get?" Lexa questions and Clarke takes a moment to think about it. 

 

"Whoever wins gets to take the other on our official second date." It may seem lame to most people but Lexa liked competition and she had been thinking that they should go on their second date for a while now but things happened - if anything they should at least be on their third or fourth date by now. 

 

"Deal." Lexa decides after weighing up the pros and cons. They shake on it and suddenly, for the first time ever, Clarke was excited to go fishing - she'd talk to Raven and Octavia later about the whole thing but, knowing those two, they'd probably be down. "So can we cuddle now?" Lexa asks practically pulling Clarke towards the bed and Clarke follows her willingly. Lexa pulls her down on top of her wrapping them in a tight embrace and the brunette buries her head in her shoulder. "There's something you don't know about my room." Lexa says and Clarke raises her eyebrows. 

 

"Is that so?" Clarke asks tracing her finger over Lexa's collar bone. 

 

"I can only show you when it's dark out so I suggest a movie and sleep." 

 

"While cuddling?" Clarke asks. 

 

"Naturally." Lexa replies with a shrug. "It's well worth the wait." Lexa assures. Clarke didn't have anywhere to be and she really was enjoying being with Lexa - she always loved spending time with Lexa though. "Could you maybe put the TV on? I'm so tired, you exhausted me Griffin." Lexa says gesturing towards the TV lazily. Clarke rolls her eyes and laughs.

 

"Go to sleep Lex." Clarke whispers kissing Lexa on the temple. Lexa hums softly her eyes already closed. Clarke goes to get up to turn the TV on but Lexa's grip tightens and pulls her back to her and Clarke chuckles; she knew Lexa was hard to escape when she was sleeping, whenever she had something in her arms in her sleep she held on tightly and it was almost impossible to get out of - Clarke's alarm clock surely knew - but Clarke wouldn't change it for the world. So, instead, she settles in Lexa's arms and slowly drifts off to sleep.

 

Clarke woke up no longer in Lexa's arms. The TV was playing softly in the background and the light was switched on. Lexa was beside her, she realises, she was sitting, book in her hands, silently reading. Clarke rubs her eyes the movement catching Lexa's attention. "You're awake." Clarke notes and Lexa smiles. 

 

"I've only been awake for about five minutes." Lexa admits. "I have a surprise for you." Lexa stands up still wearing only a shirt and underwear - Clarke tried not to let her eyes wonder but Lexa was basically asking for it. Lexa flips the light switch off and Clarke frowns in confusion, if Lexa wanted to show her darkness she could have just closed her eyes, but then Clarke's eyes move to the ceiling and her mouth falls open at the sight. Lighting Lexa's ceiling was tiny little glow in the dark stars that we're giving off little light but still managed to look absolutely stunning - so that was why Lexa loved stars so much. "My mom put them up when I was little and I was afraid of the dark." Lexa says quietly, sitting beside Clarke on the bed. "I've always had them there." Lexa shrugs and Clarke wraps her arms around her pulling her into her arms. 

 

"It's beautiful." Clarke murmurs still staring up at them. "Wait, you were afraid of the dark?" Clarke asks her voice light and teasing. 

 

"Shut up." Lexa grumbles but she wasn't really annoyed. "I may have thought that there were monsters in the dark." Lexa says smiling. 

 

"That's adorable." Clarke comments. "I bet you were so dramatic about the whole thing." 

 

"Okay, I'm not that much of a drama queen." Lexa says defensively. "Though once I refused to leave my parents bed because I was convinced the boogeyman was in my closet. Turns out it was just my sexuality waiting." Clarke grabs a pillow and hits it off Lexa for that stupid joke she just said but she was laughing nevertheless. Lexa laughs back and grabs the other pillow and the two engage in a pillow fight. 

 

After a few hard hits Lexa tackles Clarke to the bed and holds her hands above her head. "Surrender." Lexa orders but Clarke shakes her head squirming to get out of Lexa's grip. 

 

"Never." She says stubbornly. Lexa grins and begins tickling Clarke causing her to laugh hysterically. After a couple of minutes of intense tickling Clarke had reached just about her limit. "Okay! Hey, stop! Alright! I surrender! Just stop tickling me!" Clarke protests her breaths were deep and erratic and Lexa was grinning in triumph. She rolls off of Clarke and lands next to her facing the ceiling. Clarke was still giggling and she could still feel Lexa's invisible touch on her skin but she too was staring up at the ceiling. "So this is why you like stars?" Clarke asks looking at Lexa. 

 

"I've always loved the idea of space but, yeah, I guess they remind me of my mom." Lexa reveals and Clarke smiles softly. 

 

"I know I never met her but I'm sure she'd be proud of you." Clarke says and Lexa turns her head to look at the blonde. 

 

"I don't think she would." Lexa admits. "She never wanted me to enter the business but my dad... he'd be very pleased with his little girl." 

 

"What would your mom say?" Clarke asks turning on her side and tracing her finger over Lexa's exposed skin. 

 

"She'd encourage me to go after the things I love... like you." Lexa confesses. "Then my dad would probably remind me that love is weakness and then send me off to do some kind of job." Clarke could see it now, Lexa was both her parents, she may be headstrong, smart and a little ruthless when it came to her work, like her father had been, but Lexa was also gentle, sweet, caring and loving just like her mother had been. She was both of them in one. Instilled within her were all of their lessons and Clarke could see the biggest conflicting one was the fact that her mom encouraged her to love and her father told her it was weakness. 

 

"Well, I think, whatever you want is what you should do." Clarke says. 

 

"I do love what I do." Lexa says. "I love you Clarke and I think it's true, love is weakness, but when I'm around you I forget all that crap. All that matters is you and it makes me stronger not weaker." Clarke smiles softly and cups Lexa's cheek. 

 

"I love you too." She replies kissing her gently on the lips. "I should get going before my mom gets home." Clarke says leaning her forehead against Lexa's. 

 

"I don't want you to go." Lexa says snaking her arms around Clarke. "I want you to stay here forever." 

 

"I'll see you at school tomorrow and then we have that fishing trip which you still haven't told when it is." Clarke reminds Lexa. 

 

"I'll text you the details." Lexa says dismissively. Admittedly, she was feeling slightly under the weather; she felt tired and her body was aching in certain places. "I'll walk you out." Lexa decides standing up. She grabs some sweat pants off the floor before lacing her fingers through Clarke's and leading her down the stairs. 

 

They stop at the front door and Lexa kisses her goodbye before watching Clarke get in her car and drive away. She lets out a long sigh and makes her way back up the stairs. She felt hot and tired and all she wanted to do was sleep again. She crawls onto her bed and buries herself in the blankets and pillows before drifting off to sleep again. 

 

"Where's leather jacket at?" Raven asks curiously from Clarke's side. They hadn't seen Lexa all day and it was now lunch - normally she made an appearance at least once just so they knew she was there. Clarke frowns and closes her locker before walking down the hall with Raven beside her. 

 

"I'm not sure." Clarke admits. She pulls her phone from her pocket and dials the number. After waiting a long time Clarke had almost given up on the hope that Lexa would answer but she did just in time. 

 

"Hello?" She asks and Clarke instantly frowns, Lexa sounded odd, her throat sounded scratchy and she sounded completely out of it. 

 

"Lexa? Are you okay? Where are you?" Clarke asks concern evident in her tone. Raven glances at Clarke, a curious look in her eyes, and Clarke gives her a shrug in response. 

 

"I'm dying Clarke." Lexa groans and Clarke laughs. She knew what was happening now - it was clear from the croaky voice to the sniffles she heard down the line. 

 

"You're sick." Clarke concludes and she didn't know why but she found it extremely adorable. Another groan from the other side told Clarke what she needed to know. 

 

"No, I'm dying." Lexa corrects. "I'm not sick I never get sick." 

 

"Tell me what's wrong." Clarke says and Raven laughs from her side - she could imagine Lexa being a difficult patient to care for when she was sick. 

 

"Headache, fever, sore throat and I'm pretty sure I'm going to throw up any second now." Lexa says, though that last part may have been an exaggeration, she mostly just felt tired and she ached all over. 

 

"Sounds like the flu." Clarke tells her. "I'll come over later with some chicken soup, my mom makes the best kind plus she's a doctor." 

 

"I don't want you getting sick Clarke, maybe you should just stay away, I'm pretty sure I need to be quarantined." 

 

"Stop being dramatic. I have the immune system of an alligator." Clarke says with an eye roll. 

 

"What have alligators got to do with anything?" Lexa asks and Clarke could just imagine the cute little brow furrow she would do with confusion. 

 

"They have one of the strongest- you know what, it doesn't matter, the point is I'm coming over and I won't take no as an answer." A grumpy grumble from the other end of the line caused Clarke to grin because she was winning and Lexa was unable to argue with her. 

 

"Fine." Lexa relents. "But if you get sick don't blame me." She buries her head into her pillow unable to bear the brightness coming in through her window, she would close them if she had the energy to get out of bed, maybe Indra could close them or...  _ Costia! _ Lexa's eyes snap open, even through her sick and slow working brain she'd forgotten about Costia being here if Clarke came by and she didn't warn Costia then she might accidentally bump into her. 

 

"I'll talk to you later, okay?" Clarke says pulling Lexa back to the fact she was still on the phone. "Get better soon." Clarke adds before hanging up. Lexa pulls the phone away from her ear and sighs. Why was Clarke so good -  _ too good _ \- to her? She opens up her messenger app and types out a message to Costia although her vision was slightly blurry from the fact that she was sleepy and sick so she had no clue if her message even made sense - she'd have to hope it did.

 

The next time Lexa woke up it was to the feeling of a damp cloth resting on her head and the feeling of the bed dipped beside her. Lexa blinks a couple of times and let's out a groan. "Clarke?" Lexa asks noticing blonde first before anything else. A small chuckle from her side tells Lexa that she may have been wrong - that didn't sound like Clarke. 

 

"No Lexa." She says in amusement. "Costia." She corrects. Lexa's vision finally focuses and sure enough there was Costia, by her bedside, hand resting on the damp cloth and her eyes focused on her own. Lexa looked sick, it was quite obvious from her state that she wasn't feeling well at all, and she was clearly out of it - her mind foggy. 

 

"I texted you." Lexa recalls groggily. "Wait, did Clarke stop by? Is she mad at me?" Lexa asks and Costia laughs. 

 

"Relax Lexa, she hasn't stopped by." Costia says gently. "I got your text but it made no sense at all." 

 

"I thought it didn't." Lexa admits. "Clarke's coming over so you need to hide." Lexa says coughing at the end of her sentence. Costia hands her a glass of water and Lexa takes it thankfully. "Urrgh, I feel like shit, there's no way I can meet with Roan this week." Lexa says closing her eyes again. Costia watches her, a small smile on her face, of course Lexa was worried about that more than anything else. 

 

"It's fine, I can tell him a different time, he's in no position to negotiate he kind of owes you one." Costia replies.

 

"Yeah, he owes me part of my liver." Lexa mutters and Costia laughs unable to believe that she was able to joke even when she was as sick as a dog. Lexa felt hot but she also felt cold and she was extremely uncomfortable. "I don't want you to get sick." Lexa says to Costia. "You should go." She settles back in her pillow and Costia stands up. 

 

"If you need anything just ask, okay?" She asks concern evident in her voice. "I'll stay out of Clarke's way if she stops by, I promise." And she meant it. She didn't want to screw things up for Lexa not when Clarke made her happy. Lexa nods her head but Costia had the sneaking suspicion she was asleep again. She removes the cloth and lays it on the bedside table and then takes her leave. She retires back to her bedroom, which really was just a guest bedroom, and collapses on the bed. Now she had to get in contact with Roan while avoiding running into Clarke - so really she was locked in her room for yet another night. 

 

Clarke did come over as soon as her mom had been available and made her infamous chicken soup that she used to make for Clarke when she was younger and she got sick - even on the rare occasions that Clarke did get sick now her mom still made the soup for her. She knocks on the door and Indra answers. She steps to the side to allow Clarke to enter and let's her intense gaze roam over the blonde. "She's in her room." Indra tells her. "You know where that is don't you?" She asks and Clarke nods her head. Indra turns to her office, needing to sort a few details out, and leaves Clarke to find her own way around. 

 

She carefully walks up the stairs and turns the corner heading to the bedroom at the end of the hallway where she knew Lexa's room resided. She pushes the door open and enters the bedroom to find one of the cutest sights ever: Lexa was curled in a ball, she was cuddling a soft toy, which Clarke hadn't seen the last time she had been in her room, and she was out cold. Clarke had to keep the ‘aw’ from escaping her lips. Lexa looked like a kid and it was all too adorable and hilarious at the same time. 

 

Despite Lexa appearing dead to the world, the sound of the door closing did stir her from her sleep - so far her sleep had been broken and that's all she'd pretty much been doing. Clarke pulls the desk chair out and sits it next to the side that Lexa was lying at and she places the soup on the nightstand where she noticed a cloth that had dried up. "Clarke?" Lexa mumbles sleepily. 

 

"It's me." Clarke says happily and Lexa smiles through her apparent illness - she felt that little bit better now that Clarke was with her. Clarke places her hand to Lexa's forehead and almost yelps at the heat she feels there; Lexa's skin was fiery and Clarke knew all the risks that came with a high temperature. "You're hot." Clarke says grabbing the cloth from the nightstand. 

 

"You just noticed?" Lexa asks obviously trying to make a joke but Clarke just rolls her eyes. 

 

"How about you sit up and I'll come back with what I need to make you feel better?" Clarke asks and Lexa nods. 

 

"I have a headache." Lexa complains. The curtains were closed, so the now dimming light wasn't bothering her, but the pounding in her head was still intolerable. Clarke nods before exiting her room and heading to the bathroom. 

 

She raids the medicine cabinet for the things she knew Lexa needed and then she wets the cloth once again and rings it out until it's damp. She returns back to Lexa's room in record time and settles back beside her. Lexa was sitting up now, her pillow propped against the headboard and her back against it, she looked like death warmed up but she was slowly regaining her wits. 

 

Clarke smiles and sets her things down. She places the cloth on Lexa's head and orders her to keep it there to cool her down, to which Lexa doesn't argue, and then Clarke feeds her the medication she had brought with her along with the glass of water that had been on her nightstand. Clarke rolls the bed sheet down slightly, to allow Lexa some exposure to cool her heating body, and then she pours Lexa some soup and hands it to her - she'd come well prepared Lexa notes. Lexa hadn't even realised how hungry she was until she had cleaned her bowl of soup in less than two minutes - despite it being hot. Clarke laughs and gives her some more - it was important for Lexa to stay hydrated and well fed if she wanted to fight off her illness. "So, you have a stuffed toy?" Clarke asks lightly. "That you sleep with." Lexa looks down and spots her old teddy bear that she'd had ever since she was a little girl. It was a raccoon stuffed animal that had seen better days but she never had the heart to throw out. 

 

"Occasionally." Lexa admits. "It's not like you don't sleep with Jeff the Giraffe." Lexa replies finishing her second bowl of soup. "Your mom really does make the best chicken soup." Lexa admits and Clarke smiles. 

 

"I'll be sure to tell her that." Clarke promises and she would. "So how are you feeling now?" Clarke asks and Lexa sighs removing the cloth from her forehead. 

 

"Better." She admits. "Although I still feel like I'm dying." 

 

"You'll be healthy in no time, trust me." Clarke reassures. She knew Lexa didn't like feeling helpless even if she had good reason to be. "Raven misses you. She told me to tell you that you were supposed to be her biology partner and you totally stood her up." Lexa smiles at that - she could totally see Raven saying that. 

 

"Tell her I'm sorry and I'll be sure to drag myself in the next time I'm dying just so she doesn't have to be partnerless." Lexa jokes. Clarke shakes her head in amusement and places her hand to Lexa's forehead, she had cooled down considerably but Clarke was still worried. The medication she'd given Lexa should bring her temperature further down and lessen her headache. 

 

"Raven likes you you know." Clarke comments. "I've never seen her become friends with someone so quickly before, it's a little freaky." Lexa let's out an amused huff of laughter. 

 

"I guess she never met anyone nearly as annoying as herself until she met me." Lexa shrugs and Clarke laughs. 

 

"True. Maybe you're slightly more annoying." Clarke says with a cheeky smile.

 

"Excuse me?" Lexa asks. "No one is more annoying than Raven Reyes." Lexa chuckles before breaking out into a coughing fit. "Urrgh, you should leave Clarke, I really don't want you getting sick." 

 

"Has Indra been taking care of you?" Clarke asks ignoring Lexa's words. "I mean, you look like you haven't left bed all day and I noticed water and a cloth beside you." Lexa closes her eyes to avoid eye contact but she was so ill it probably didn't raise any alarm bells to Clarke. 

 

"She comes and goes. I was actually going to ask her if she'd make me some tea with honey cause, you know, honey has natural healing properties and it'll soothe my throat." Lexa confesses. "Indra's good and all but no one's looked after me quite like you have today in a really long time." Lexa says. Clarke stares at her for a moment trying to decide if that was sad or not. "Anya tries but she hates sick people and she's still mad at me." Clarke leans her hands on the edge of Lexa's bed and smiles softly at her. 

 

"She'll get over it. I don't know why you haven't told her... you told me?" Clarke asks and Lexa looks at her now; her green eyes were a little bloodshot but Clarke still got lost in them. 

 

"I trust you Clarke.  Anya... I trust her but she's so protective and I don't trust that she won't go after Roan and get herself hurt in the process." Lexa says which made sense to Clarke. Anya would probably do exactly that, as soon as Lexa let slip that Roan was the one who shot her - under orders or not - Anya would probably go right after him, in the heart of Azgeda territory, and try to get back at him and that could only end badly. 

 

Clarke sits Lexa forward and lays her pillow back down to allow Lexa to lie down she then pulls the covers back up and grabs the cloth that Lexa had discarded before. "Get better soon okay?" Clarke says gently stroking Lexa's head threading her fingers through her hair. "I'll see you when I can." Clarke risks a kiss to the forehead before standing up. She makes it to the door before Lexa speaks out. 

 

"Clarke." Lexa calls halting the blonde in her tracks. "Thank you, for everything." Clarke smiles ever so slightly at her. 

 

"I'd do anything for you." Clarke says and then she slips out the room closing the door to allow Lexa to rest. She had confidence that Lexa would be feeling better in about four days - five max. She could tell she was a fast recoverer - she'd healed from her shoulder injury superhumanly fast and her bullet wound was well on its way to being fully healed - so she knew it was only a matter of days but, still, Clarke planned on looking after Lexa for those few days. Clarke leaves the Woods household and heads to her car ready to go home. 

 

Costia exits her room when she hears the front door close and she walks the short distance to Lexa's room. She pushes the door open and glances inside to see her asleep again and so she turns around, grabs her jacket, and sneaks her way out the house. She had something to take care of and she wasn't sure how it was going to turn out but she was sick of not knowing who Clarke was. She only wanted the best for Lexa and the only way to find out if Clarke was the best was to meet her personally.

 

Clarke returned home feeling happy with her nursing skills and with a now empty container. Abby was in the kitchen when she came in and her daughter settles in the seat across from her wearing a huge smile. "So, was she dying?" Abby asks. She knew how difficult Lexa could be as a patient but when she had someone she knew looking after her she tended to be easier. Clarke rolls her eyes a fond smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

 

"Dramatic as ever, but she was pretty sick. She told me to tell you that you make the best chicken soup ever." Clarke adds remembering Lexa's words. Abby smiles at that and watches her daughter carefully. She'd noticed a change in Clarke recently: she was happier, distracted by thoughts more often, smiling randomly, and she was more confident and Abby had a sneaking suspicion as to why. 

 

"So, that talk we had, did it come in handy?" Abby asks not disguising her thoughts at all. Clarke gapes at her for a moment in disbelief before she composes herself. 

 

"Mom..." Clarke complains - she didn't feel like dying from embarrassment again. 

 

"Oh come on Clarke, you can't lie to me, I've seen the change, you and Lexa are practically inseparable and you're forgetting that I'm your mother. Of course I know when you've had sex." Abby says rolling her eyes. 

 

"Oh my God,  _ mom _ !" Clarke says burying her head in her hands. "I don't want to talk about this." Clarke says. 

 

"Shame, because we are." Abby says with a shrug - she was a doctor she wasn't afraid to get into the details. "So, was it consensual-?" 

 

" _ Mom _ ." Clarke holds her hand up to silence her mom's questions. "I don't want to talk about it with you very much but it was very much consensual, we were both in that place, and it was sweet and loving and Lexa was made absolute sure that I was ready. She'd never pressure me to do something that I wasn't ready for." Clarke says and Abby smiles proudly. Of course it's never pleasant finding out your only daughter has lost her virginity but she was happy that Clarke hadn't lost it in some drunken slur that it had been with someone she clearly loved very much. Abby smiles sensing that she really wasn't going to get anything else out of that topic but so long as they were safe and careful then Abby was happy to leave it at that. 

 

"Let's talk about something else." Abby says leaning forward and Clarke could sense the sudden shift in tone. "Your junior year is almost up and then you'll be a senior which means college." 

 

"Senior year is ages away." Clarke says defensively - she hated talking about things like this - she hated people asking her all the time. 

 

"It'll fly by, trust me." Abby says dismissively. "What do you want to do? Are you thinking about college?" 

 

"I wanted to go to med school." Clarke admits. "I want to become a doctor, like you, or something that involves medicine. I was thinking maybe a paramedic? And Octavia was thinking the same." Clarke was suddenly excited and Abby could see her eyes light up with her excitement telling her, that although Clarke may find the topic annoying, she had put some thought into it and she was excited about it. "Raven's thinking about staying here in Arkadia to do some mechanical engineering course and then open her own shop." Clarke continues and Abby takes that moment to ask the real question. 

 

"And Lexa?" Abby asks and Clarke falters. 

 

"I don't know." Clarke admits. "She doesn't really talk about the future. Just... I'll have to leave her, won't I?" Clarke asks. She really didn't like that thought but she couldn't stay in Arkadia, it had no med schools - at least none that were as prestigious and useful as Clarke needed. Abby gives her a sad smile in answer -she knew that would be hard for Clarke but she had over a year for it to even happen. 

 

Clarke sits wallowing in her sad thoughts of a great and depressing departure and separation from Lexa, the girl she loved, when the doorbell rang. Clarke was on her feet instantly - wanting to shove the thoughts aside with anything - she knew it wasn't Raven or Octavia at the door, since they just entered without an invitation, and she knew it wasn't Lexa either, since she was too ill to even stand, so Clark had no idea who she expected it to be but she did not expect the person she saw. She'd seen her occasionally around school but she'd never actually met her in person. "Hi, I'm Costia, I think it's time we had a little talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor sick Lexa but she had a stuffed animal that's a raccoon and that's adorable. Also Abby making things super awkward is what I live for and what's Costia's game? Next chapter fishing will happen plus Costia and Clarke talk. Let me know what you think! And thank you all so much for the previous comments they mean the world to me - I practically live on them :)


	14. Fishing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Costia rubs Clarke the wrong way, Raven and Lexa couldn't be better friends and the gang set out on their weekend fishing trip with Lexa and Clarke wanting to settle a bet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This quite a long chapter but I enjoyed writing it. I'm actually Commander Mechanic af tbh. A huge thank you for all the comments on the last chapter, I loved every single one and it means a lot to me that you all enjoy this story. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Also, I'd just like to say that while 3x07 never happened for me neither did 3x09. My poor baby Lincoln.

Clarke stares for a long moment, long enough for Costia to feel slightly awkward, and long enough her mom to become curious as to who was at the door. "I can come by at a different time if this is bad?" Costia asks trying to fill the silence. Clarke shakes her head, and comes to her senses, shaking off her surprise. 

 

"No, sorry, I just wasn't expecting a visit from you... ever." Clarke says with a slight frown. She moves out the way and Costia steps inside just on time for Abby to join them. She recognised Costia immediately, she'd only met the girl once and that was a while ago when Lexa had been injured and been admitted to hospital. Costia seemed to be less accident prone than Lexa but she knew exactly who she was and what she did and she didn't trust her nearly as much as she trusted Lexa. Abby had spent a lot of time with Lexa, prior to her dating her daughter, she was, in most ways, her doctor and there wasn't a time that Abby wasn't there when she'd suffered some kind of injury or loss. She was even there for her when her parents had died. She cared about Lexa and she knew all about the rift between Azgeda and Trikru - since the hospital was on neutral ground and the only place both gangs could be treated without fear of a fight breaking out. 

 

Costia hadn't been treated once and Abby was suspicious of the bandage around her arm because of that reason. Lexa had spiralled after Costia, that much Abby knew, especially with drugs, which Abby didn't like to bring up at all because that was a really dark place for the young girl, but in one of her drugged up states she had poured her heart out to Abby and Costia had been the main topic. Lexa had been motherless and fatherless and Abby had stayed with her until she came down from her high to her very low and then she'd stayed with her again so it was understands why Abby was protective of Lexa and suspicious of Costia. "Hi." Abby says narrowing her eyes in suspicion. Costia shifts uncomfortably, she too recognised Abby from their brief introduction a few years ago. 

 

"Um, mom, this is Costia." Clarke says closing the front door. "We're just going to talk upstairs for a moment." Clarke says staring at her mom who still had her gaze fixed on Costia. Abby couldn't exactly refuse, at least not without a legitimate excuse, which the fact that Costia was a known gang member may have been one if she hadn't let Lexa in on so many occasions, she didn't know why she wanted to talk to her daughter but she didn't like it. She gives Clarke a look and Clarke gives her a reassuring smile - Clarke could hold her own if it was going to come to that. 

 

She leads Costia up the stairs and to her room closing the door behind them. Costia examines Clark's room, she spots a giraffe stuffed toy sitting at the top of the bed and she knew Lexa had probably won it for Clarke. "Is there something I can help you with?" Clarke asks crossing her arms across her chest. Costia takes a seat at the end of her bed and let's out a long sigh. 

 

"I'm sorry to just drop by unannounced." Costia apologises. "There's something I'd like to talk to you about." Costia says feeling a little awkward. She wasn't sure how to bring up the topic without revealing that she was staying with Lexa. Clarke waits patiently for Costia to expand but her defensive mood was quickly changing - Costia seemed genuine maybe a little concerned. "Lexa and I have been talking again recently, some, erm... difficult circumstances have brought us back into contact again." 

 

"What difficult circumstances?" Clarke asks frowning. The way Costia put it it sounded like more. 

 

"Just, Azgeda, Trikru business, Roan, Nia, it doesn't matter, we've just been spending more time together." Costia says dismissively. She was trying to not say too much. 

 

"Is this the part where you tell me to stay away from Lexa because she's yours?" Clarke asks sarcastically raising an eyebrow. For the first time since she'd entered Clarke's room Costia looks Clarke in the eyes and an amused laugh leaves her lips. Clarke could see it now: why Lexa had fallen for Costia and why she had felt betrayed and destroyed by her. Costia's beauty was captivating and she looked so mature, way more mature than eighteen, and so far she seemed nice -  _ kind of _ . 

 

"God no." Costia says shaking her head. "It's just, we were best friends before we were anything else, and I still care about her. I love her. And I needed to make sure that you're not some girl who's going through a rebellious stage and thinks having a girl like Lexa is cool and will make you popular." Costia says not breaking eye contact with Clarke. Clarke raises an eyebrow in disbelief not shying away from Costia's gaze. 

 

"Lexa isn't just a phase of me thinking that she's cool and I'd like to date someone cool-" Clarke begins. 

 

"I've met hundreds of girls like you. Who just want a bad boy type and forget that we actually have feelings." Costia says narrowing her eyes. Clarke clenches her jaw - now she could see the side of Costia she didn't like, in fact, it was a little bitchy in her opinion. 

 

"That's not- I'm not like that." Clarke protests. "I love Lexa, I love her for so many reasons other than her leather jacket and tattoos, she's kind, and she's gentle, even though she doesn't want people to know it, she listens to me, she respects me and she's more than just a bad girl and it's impossible for me to think of her like that anymore because she's so much more." Okay, maybe Clarke did find the bad boy/girl vibe slightly alluring, but she didn't kiss Lexa on her porch roof that night just because of that reason, no, she'd kissed her because they had made a connection - one she couldn’t fathom. 

 

Costia nods her head in understanding, she knew what Clarke was talking about, Lexa was all of those things. "Good, then I guess my work here is done." Costia stands up and pauses for a moment. "Look, Lexa doesn't have her parents anymore but she still has family. She considers Abby to be her family and if you two were to ever break up, or if something bad were to happen between you two, then Lexa would  _ really  _ spiral out of control." 

 

"What are you saying?" Clarke asks suspiciously - she didn't really understand Costia's warning. 

 

"I'm saying, Lexa does stupid things when she's hurt so don't hurt her." Costia was, in her own ficked up way, giving Clarke the talk, the talk the father or the mother was supposed to give, the talk that shouldn't be coming from the ex girlfriend, and Clarke suddenly realised how lonely Lexa must have been the past few years after her parents' death. They had died and she didn't really have anyone: the people she had trusted were gone, Costia along with them, her aunt she must have felt was trying to steal her mother's job, which probably made her feel worse, the person who Clarke knew probably would have been there for Lexa from the start was Anya - that's why they were so close. Raven, Octavia and even Clarke were new to Lexa they were friends - she had trust issues yet she trusted them. Clarke smiles to herself, if she made Lexa feel a little less lonely then she was happy to do that. Of course, Clarke wasn't sure how involved Abby had been in Lexa's past but Clarke fully intended on finding out. She needed to know more about Lexa's past other than the fact that it was troubled. 

 

Clarke leads Costia back down the stairs. Her mom was being nosy straining to listen from her position on the sofa. They both stop at the front door and Costia steps outside turning to Clarke before she left. "Lexa is a good person and she deserves the best. So far you seem like a good thing for her to have, I just really hope you don't fuck it up... or her for that matter." Costia sounded sincere when she said it, almost like she truly meant that all she wanted was the best for Lexa, but Clarke couldn't help but wonder if she was hinting at herself or not. 

 

"It was nice meeting you." Clarke says resisting the urge to close the door on her face she'd rubbed Clarke the wrong way with her accusations and tone. Costia nods her head beginning to walk away from Clarke. 

 

"Nice meeting you too Clarke." She calls over her shoulder. Clarke does slam the door closed then and Costia smiles to herself. She knew Lexa liked a girl who could hold her own and who had fire in them and Clarke Griffin,  _ oh _ , Clarke Griffin had both. 

 

Abby stands up and comes to see her daughter who was stood with her back against the door looking both ticked off and happy - which was an odd combination. Abby didn't need to ask her question because Clarke could see it written all over her face. She steps forward and Abby wraps her in a tight reassuring hug. "I don't think I like her very much." Clarke mutters and Abby chuckles. She did find it very interesting that Clarke didn't think she liked Costia but she instantly knew she liked Lexa. 

 

"Did I ever tell you," Abby pulls back from the hug and gently brushes a strand of Clarke's blonde hair behind her ear. "that you're a great judge of character?"  _ Just like your father _ . It went unsaid but Clarke heard it and Abby heard it. Abby smiles and kisses Clarke softly on the top of the head. 

 

Lexa does recover from her flu in the time that Clarke had predicted, in fact, she recovered just a little bit quicker. Clarke was feeling grumpy, from a lack of sleep, when Raven's battered car pulled up at her house. She walks towards it, opens the trunk, dumps her bag in the back and jumps in the backseat with an audible sigh. "Uh oh." Raven says glancing at Clarke in her rearview mirror. "Grumpy Clarke has made an appearance." 

 

"I don't think I've met grumpy Clarke yet." Clarke's head snaps up at the sound of that voice only just noticing that Octavia was beside her and Octavia was never in the back when it was just the three them. Clarke meets amused green eyes, green eyes that she loved, green eyes that were gleaming, green eyes that were probably the most beautiful shade of green she'd ever seen. She was grinning that grin that Clarke had learnt was slightly lopsided and could make any dull day bright again. 

 

"Oh, Clarke’s back." Octavia mutters from her side and Raven laughs. Lexa was still staring at Clarke, and Clarke hadn't realised that she was smiling, and then she frowns in confusion. 

 

"Wait, why are you in the front?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow. Lexa laughs and Raven begins driving. Raven swats at Lexa to sit back in her seat and Lexa whacks her hand away from her face. 

 

"Alright, alright, I'm putting my seatbelt on, jeez." Lexa huffs. "I'm in the front because Raven insisted that she couldn't deal with the drive and you and I in the back together." Lexa answers and Octavia nods. 

 

"So I took the backseat, which I hope you realise is quite significant." Octavia says glaring at Lexa. 

 

"Your sacrifice is duly noted." Lexa calls back. Clarke shifts in her seat and leans forward. 

 

"I didn't even get a kiss." Clarke complains and Raven rolls her eyes. 

 

"This is why you're in the back and we’re in the front. So you can't pull that gross in love shit." Raven explains causing Octavia to agree, Lexa to laugh and Clarke to roll her eyes. 

 

"Where's Anya?" Clarke questions. "And Lincoln?" 

 

"Anya's got everything in her car so there was no room for anyone else but Lincoln." Lexa explains. "So Raven kindly offered me a ride." 

 

"Lincoln, by the way, extra hunky, pretty sure he had O swooning." Raven teases. 

 

"Shut up." Octavia says. "I did not swoon, he's just... not bad to look at." Octavia shrugs and Raven snorts. 

 

"Seems like all the Woods are easy on the eyes." Raven comments and Lexa grins wide. 

 

"We are a pretty attractive family. I speak from personal experience of course." Lexa says feeling her ego grow three sizes. "For the record, Lincoln never stumbles over his words Octavia." Lexa says with a smirk and Octavia blushes. 

 

"Yeah, well, just because the Woods are easy to look at doesn't mean they have the best personalities." Octavia says defensively and, although Lexa probably should have been offended, Lexa just laughed amused by Octavia's jab and obvious deflection of embarrassment. 

 

"True." Lexa replies and Raven grins. 

 

"Well I disagree, Lexa's pretty cool." Raven says high fiving her new partner in crime. 

 

"Eyes on the road Raven." Clarke groans from the back. "We don't want a repeat of last time." 

 

"Okay, that was once and it was your fault." Raven protests. Lexa raises an eyebrow in question and both Raven and Clarke have a mini state off in the rearview mirror. Octavia sighs but she was smiling at the memory. 

 

"Clarke was running late for school and she wasn't fully dressed so she thought it was a good idea to get changed in the backseat. Raven claimed all of Clarke's flailing around distracted her, and she was pretty sure she kicked her at one point, but Clarke claimed it was all Raven's fault and she should have been watching what she was doing but, either way, we ended up going off road." 

 

"It's how I have a dent on the front bumper." Raven grumbles and Lexa laughs at the image; she could totally imagine Raven freaking out about that - she loved her car no matter how beat up it was. 

 

"Hey Raven?" Lexa leans closer, lowering her voice, she had noticed that the aspiring mechanic had been rubbing her leg quite regularly when she didn't require both of her hands on the steering wheel. "If you want we could swap half way through? Give you a little rest?" Lexa suggests. Raven glances at her noticing her eyes were focused on her leg. Raven sighs, she hated when people felt pity for her but she also knew Lexa was only trying to be nice and plus a break wouldn't hurt or raise suspicions with her friends about her health. Raven nods her head subtly in answer and Lexa seemed to get the message. She gives Raven a wink and Raven shakes her head a smile settling on her face. Lexa was easy, easy to talk to, easy to bond with, easy going (when she wanted to be), she was just easy. That's how Raven saw her and that's what Raven liked about her. 

 

Lexa looks back at Clarke and the blonde smiles at her rendering Lexa speechless and her blue eyes were so blue, like an ocean, Lexa could easily stare into them for centuries. "I didn't even get a kiss." Clarke complains again and Lexa grins. 

 

"I can't have you getting in my head Griffin, you're the competition." Lexa says and Clarke narrows those blue eyes at her. 

 

"What?" She asks in confusion. 

 

"Did you forget our bet? " Lexa asks, turning her head to the side, her tone turning playful and teasing. "You know? The one you're going to lose." Clarke gives her a playful glare in response and Lexa wiggles her eyebrows in amusement. 

 

"Stop." Octavia orders. "You two are seriously disgusting." She adds on the end and, honestly, she had a feeling she'd feel pretty left out of the weekend's activities. Lexa and Clarke had each other and Raven had whatever she had with Anya that was practically pushing her to spend time with Lincoln. Although she couldn't see the downside to that completely.

 

Halfway through the journey they took a break at the gas station. Clarke was off with Octavia stretching her legs (and by stretching their legs they had proceeded straight to the food section inside the gas station) while Lexa opted for leaning against the car while Raven filled it up. "Your leg's bothering you." Lexa says flatly - she wasn't one to bullshit and neither was Raven. 

 

"It's nothing I can't handle." Raven shrugs watching the counter on the pump. "It acts up from time to time and sometimes strenuous activities can cause it to hurt a little more than usual." Lexa watches Raven carefully. 

 

"So why did you agree to come?" Lexa asks. She didn't admit it often but she cared about Raven, she cared about Octavia too, and she'd never want either of them to feel uncomfortable. Raven scoffs almost like the question offended her. 

 

"Fishing is hardly strenuous." Raven replies. "I meant what I said, I can handle it." Raven gives her a look and Lexa nods her head. She got the sense that Raven didn't want to talk about it anymore, not that it mattered, she'd already agreed to let Lexa take over the driving anyway. Lexa smiles slightly when she notices Raven slowing down, stopping and starting, trying to get the number perfectly on 0 which she found really amusing. Raven taps her on the head gently and takes off towards the gas station to go retrieve their friends and also pay for the gas. 

 

Lexa remains where she is before Clarke appears in front of her. Lexa instantly smiles regretting sitting in the front immediately. Lexa wastes no time leaning in and kissing Clarke on the lips. It was gentle at first, loving even, it was innocent. Until it wasn't. Clarke's tongue darts out licking Lexa's lips and she gladly opens her mouth more than eager to deepen the kiss. She could breathe Clarke in. Everything about her drove Lexa insane, it sent her into overdrive, it made her body feel like it was on fire, and nothing -  _ nothing  _ \- in her crazy chaotic life gave her a thrill quite like kissing Clarke Griffin. Clarke was too good - it almost made Lexa sceptical about her past partners. She was extremely disappointed when someone cleared their throat and Clarke felt the need to pull away. Raven was shaking her head and Octavia was staring at them. Raven wordlessly tosses her keys at Lexa who catches them with ease - her fast reactions were one of her better qualities especially when she fought. "I got you food Woods, least you can do is give me a break and let me sleep the rest of the drive." Raven says. It was an excuse, Lexa knew that, so as to not rouse suspicion to her friends but Lexa didn't feel like pointing that out - she respected Raven way too much to do that. 

 

"Whatever Reyes." Lexa says and it played off well as just their playful back and forth banter not raising suspicion at all. 

 

"Clarke can ride shotgun I suppose." Raven caves and Octavia punches her on the arm glaring at her. " _ Ow _ !" Raven protests though she was clearly exaggerating the whole thing. 

 

"You told me you wouldn't cave!" Octavia argues and Clarke watches them smiling only when she felt Lexa wrap her arms around her waist and pull her towards her -  _ against her _ . The two get into the back of the car squabbling and Lexa laughs shaking her head. She turns her attention back to Clarke and Clarke rests her hands on either side of Lexa's face. 

 

"I'm glad you recovered from your flu." Clarke says staring into those green eyes that made her slightly weak in the knees. Lexa leans her head against Clarke's and let's out a content sigh. It was warm and sunny and it smelled like spring. "Did you pack your cute little stuffed raccoon teddy bear?" Clarke teases and Lexa leans her head back. 

 

"Do not make fun of senior whiskers. He is a vicious raccoon that lead the raccoon army to victory in the Great War of 07." Lexa says with a gasp and a fake hurt tone. Clarke laughs and pecks Lexa on the lips again feeling the brunette's lips curve up ever so slightly. 

 

"Sorry, I had no idea." Clarke replies. "Please accept my apology on behalf of senior whiskers?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow. 

 

"We accept your apology." Lexa says and a loud knock on the glass window startles the two from their peaceful cuckoos they had been lost in. Lexa stands up straight shooting whoever had knocked, and she was pretty sure it was Octavia, an eye roll. She opens the passenger door for Clarke and the blonde gets in with a small thanks thrown at Lexa in response. Lexa then climbs into the driver's seat and starts up the engine. She revs it a couple of times before speeding off. 

 

"Jesus!" Raven shouts from the back. "I said you could  _ drive,  _ not kill us." 

 

"You sound like Lincoln." Lexa mutters slowing her speed slightly. 

 

"You drive my baby carefully or you will lose something." Raven warns and Lexa snorts in amusement. 

 

"Like what Reyes?" Lexa asks daring to increase her speed again. Raven glares at her and Lexa was beginning to wonder if maybe her offering to drive was a bad idea - she didn't want Raven skinning her alive which, by the looks of things, was a real possibility. 

 

"I don't know and I don't care but you'll lose  _ something _ ." Raven threatens and Lexa drops her speed down completely. Raven sits back, happy with the speed, and closes her eyes relaxing in her seat. Yep, Lexa definitely regretted offering to drive.

 

When they arrived at the campsite Lincoln and Anya had already set up the tents and were setting up the fishing equipment by the nearby lake. Lexa was first out the car, wanting to escape the horrible country music Clarke had insisted on and also the game of eye spy which Raven had insisted on playing. Lexa was quick to join her sibling and cousin by the lake side leaving Clarke and the others to gather their things from the trunk of Raven's car. Anya rolls her eyes and turns Lincoln towards the girls, following closely behind him, with Lexa in tow. "We've got four tents." Anya announces. "I'm not sure how we we’re going to do the sleeping arrangements, usually it's just Lexa and I in one and Linc in the other, but things a little more complicated now." Anya says eyeing Raven. Raven grins and Anya still didn't understand how someone could both annoy and charm her at the same time. 

 

"Well Clarke and I will definitely take one." Lexa says grabbing hold of Clarke's hand and pulling her towards her. 

 

"Gross. I better not hear you two having sex." Raven comments causing Lexa to flush. Anya leans forward and whispers something in Raven's ear causing her to become flustered and stutter slightly. Lexa grins in amusement but Clarke cuts off whatever smartass comment she was going to make by pulling her towards a tent. Octavia shrugs trying to keep her eyes off of Lincoln but failing miserably. 

 

"I guess I'll take one on my own." She says. Lincoln smiles kindly at her and Anya glances between them. Octavia lifts her bag but Lincoln quickly stops her lifting it himself. 

 

"Let me help." He says and Octavia smiles shyly. 

 

"Thank you." She mutters and Raven giggles before Anya elbows her in the ribs and Octavia glares at her. 

 

"That leaves you and I." Anya says turning to Raven. 

 

"I could always share with Lincoln?" Raven says though she was quite obviously joking. "He's quite handsome, maybe he'll keep me warm." Anya couldn't help the jealousy that rose in her chest at such a suggestion and she grabs Raven by the waist and pulls her to her. 

 

"I have a much better idea of how to keep you warm." Anya says her eyes glinting. Raven swallows nervously but she couldn't deny that she was excited by the prospect. 

 

"I better not hear  _ you  _ two having sex." Lexa mutters walking past them and Raven picks up a nearby stick and throws it in the direction that Lexa was walking. All she could hear was Lexa burst out laughing and then Anya's lips curving into a smile against her neck. 

 

The fishing commenced after they had settled in and Anya and Lexa had searched for suitable firewood. Lincoln was giving the three new arrivals a run down on the basics of fishing, since they had never done it before, although Raven claimed it was mechanical, and she was the best at everything, so she didn't need any help. They listened attentively as he told them about all the different equipment and skills that went into it and then he explained that what they caught was what they ate and if the didn't catch then they'd have no food - except for marshmallows but that wasn't the point. He told them not to worry too much since they always caught but that did nothing to ease Clarke's nerves. She had a mission - a goal - and that was to beat Lexa Woods at something - something stupid and trivial but something nonetheless. 

 

By the time Lexa and Anya had finished all four of them were already fishing. Lincoln was helping Octavia cast out her line while Clarke and Raven were tending to themselves. Lexa comes up beside Clarke and begins her own set up giving Clarke sideways glances and distracting the blonde. "Stop." Clarke complains after a while. Lexa turns and looks at her fully, raising an eyebrow, trying to play innocent. 

 

"I didn't do anything." Lexa says but the smirk on her face gave away that she knew exactly what she was doing. 

 

"You're distracting me." Clarke says ignoring Lexa and focusing on the lake. 

 

"I'm sorry that I'm distracting." Lexa apologises but she didn't sound sorry at all. "So are you ready to lose?" Lexa questions and Clarke scoffs. She turns to look at Lexa holding her gaze determinedly. 

 

"Bring it on." Clarke says her eyes gleaming with anticipation. Lexa hated to admit it but it kind of turned her on a little.

 

It turns out Lexa really could fish. She caught at least three different fishes but she put each one back claiming it wasn't big enough - Clarke would've been happy to catch a goldfish by this point. Lexa decides to take pity on her girlfriend she abandons her pole, leaving it in the water, and walks over to Clarke who was stood only a few centimetres away. Clarke was trying to hook her bait on the end of the line when Lexa grabbed hold of it and steadied it for her. "First time’s always the hardest." Lexa reassures. "You'll catch, you just have to be patient." 

 

"I think fish hate me." Clarke replies grumpily and Lexa laughs softly in response. 

 

"Not possible." Lexa assures because,  _ really _ ,  _ who could hate Clarke _ ? Clarke's mood lightens immediately at Lexa's words feeling a warmth go through her. 

 

"Is this a tactic? Are you going to sabotage my pole?" Clarke asks suspiciously and Lexa shakes her head her smile not leaving. 

 

"No Clarke, I'm helping you." Lexa says softly. Clarke was sceptical, she knew Lexa liked to win, she thrived off competition, she found it doubtful that she was trying to help. Lexa wraps her arms around Clarke's waist and brings her hands on top of Clarke's hands that were holding the pole. She then casts the line out and leans her head against Clarke's shoulder. "You'll catch a fish in no time." Lexa whispers very close to Clarke's ear. 

 

"I need to tell you something." Clarke says after a moment and Lexa hums in question, she was practically leaning against Clarke's back, she felt comfortable and at ease. "Costia came to visit me." Clarke feels Lexa tense against her but she makes no move to step away or to remove herself. 

 

"She did?" Lexa asks her voice giving nothing away which was a little suspicious to Clarke. 

  
  


"Uh huh, she told me she had to make sure I was good enough for you and also to make sure I wasn't just using you in a quest to fulfil a lifelong dream to date a bad girl." Clarke says sarcastically. Lexa frowns and leans in closer to Clarke. 

 

"She what?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Okay, maybe she didn't word it like that but that's the sense I got from her." Lexa relaxes slightly. "She told me she loved you and still cared about you." 

 

"I feel like you're hinting at something." Lexa says lightly. When Clarke doesn't reply Lexa sighs. "I don't feel that way anymore Clarke, and neither does Costia, we’re friends, that's all." Lexa clarifies and Clarke tilts her head up to look at Lexa. 

 

"I know, I believe you." Clarke says, and she did she know Lexa didn't feel that way, she just didn't believe Costia was over Lexa - not fully at least. Clarke turns her attention back to the lake and concentrates on catching a fish. She still had a bet to win.

 

Eventually, both Lexa and Clarke caught a fish after many attempts and even some cheating - thanks to Raven and the scissors she seemed to carry around with her. Anya took out the measuring tape that Lexa had specifically requested and laid it down on the ground. The tall brunette seemed mildly bored with the whole competition but she decided to humour her sister and Raven who was way too into the competition. Octavia and Lincoln had bonded well and, if Clarke wasn't mistaken, she could've sworn they were getting more than a little friendly. Lincoln was laughing at something Octavia had said while building a fire while the other four were preparing to measure fish. 

 

Lexa lays her's down first satisfied with its size although Clarke's appeared to be very close to the same size. "Twelve inches." Anya decides though it may have been slightly shy. Raven was about to protest but Anya have her a look and she closed her mouth. Lexa wasn't satisfied with that, she was certain she had caught bigger, but she didn't have anymore time and Lincoln was already setting the fire away. Clarke hands Anya her fish and she lays it down beside the tape measure. After a few minutes of silent deliberation between Raven and Anya they both come to a conclusion. "Twelve inches point two." Anya says and Clarke lets out an excited cheer. Raven stands up and pats Clarke congratulations on the back feeling proud of her friend - it was a stupid bet but she still felt accomplished. 

 

" _ What _ ?" Lexa asks in disbelief. "No way, I demand you check it again." 

 

"Don't be such a sore loser Lexa." Anya says shoving her playfully. Lexa rolls her eyes and let's out an aggravated huff. She crosses her arms across her chest and turns her head away from the three girls who were laughing at her. 

 

"Shut up." Lexa mutters and Clarke smiles stepping forward and placing her hands on her cheeks. 

 

"Come on Lexa, you're not mad at me right?" Clarke asks with a pout. Lexa turns her head to the side again, trying to look away from the blonde, but Clarke could see the beginnings of a grin forming on her lips. "Lexa." Clarke complains like a child. Raven and Anya take that moment to slip away - Anya claiming she needed to prepare the fish and Raven claiming she would help. Lexa finally gives in and turns her head to look at Clarke. Clarke grins triumphantly and Lexa rolls her eyes again. 

 

"Fine, you win." Lexa gives in uncrossing her arms and wrapping them around Clarke's waist. "You get to take me on our official second date."

 

"You could try to sound a little more enthusiastic." Clarke laughs and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"You beat me.  _ No one _ beats me." Lexa says leaning in close to Clarke's face. "Did you cheat? Swap our fish maybe?" 

 

"I think your pride needed this hit, you're way too cocky for your own safety." Clarke fires back. Lexa nods her head in agreement because, fair enough, she was too cocky for her own good. 

 

"Come on, let's eat, and I'm sure Raven wants to play truth or dare." Lexa says kissing Clarke on the lips once before leading her towards the campfire. 

 

"I hope you learnt your lesson after the whole closet fiasco." Clarke warns. 

 

The six of them sit around the campfire roasting marshmallows while playing a good old game of truth or dare. Clarke and Lexa were sat side by side, a blanket draped over their shoulders, with Lexa's arm around Clarke's back pulling her close to her side. While Raven and Anya were sitting on another log, their legs and arms brushing, sly smiles here and there, Lexa was pretty sure something had happened between them - or something was definitely going to happen. Octavia and Lincoln were pretty close too. Lincoln was cracking jokes here and there, he was, after all, the peace keeper of the Trikru, he always took the diplomatic approach when he wasn't being forced to aid Lexa in her stupid crusades. "Lex, truth or dare?" Raven asks and Lexa pauses. She had been warned, and even learnt, that she shouldn't accept a dare from Raven Reyes but she was feeling extra adventurous, and it was growing late, and she was probably going to be the last person asked. 

 

"Dare." Lexa decides and Clarke tenses, Octavia groans, Lincoln laughs and Anya rolls her eyes. 

 

"I dare you to jump in the lake." Raven says eyes glinting mischievously. 

 

"But it's freezing." Lexa protests. "And it's dark, what if I drown?" Lexa asks and Raven shrugs. 

 

"You can swim can't you?" Raven asks. Lexa grumbles but stands up from her position abandoning Clarke. They all watch after the tall brunette as she walks out on the short pier outcrop. She pulls her boots off, reluctant to get them wet, as well as her leather jacket and stares down at the dark water. She takes a deep breath and then jumps into the lake. The icy water hits her instantly, knocking all the air from her lungs, she submerges, but only for a second, before pushing herself back up to the surface. She pulls herself out of the water easily and grabs her discarded clothing dripping wet. She didn't like to think what was in the depths of the lake and that was why she'd been quick. 

 

"Reyes." Lexa says lowly and Raven sits up straight watching as a dripping Lexa storms towards her. She drops her items on the ground next to where she had been sitting. "Truth or dare?" Lexa asks calmly still soaked through. Raven gulps standing up and backing away slowly. 

 

"Um..." Raven looks around for an escape. "Truth?" 

 

"Is it true that I'm going to hug you right now?" Lexa asks stepping towards Raven. Raven swallows, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. 

 

"C'mon Lex, I'm sor-" Raven didn't get to finish her sentence because Lexa wraps her arms around her tightly, soaking through Raven's shirt and pants easily, she rubs her head against Raven and Raven tries to separate them by pushing the brunette away from her. "Stop! I get it,  _ I get it _ !" Raven protests. "Urrgh, you’re a piece of work Woods." Raven says narrowing her eyes. Lexa sits back down on her log beside Clarke and Clarke wraps her in a blanket. 

 

"I'm cold and it's your fault." Lexa replies dryly and Raven scoffs. 

 

"You didn't have to choose dare." Raven points out. 

 

"Okay," Clarke interrupts. "how about we all go to bed and sleep this off?" Clarke asks recovering from her laughing fit. Raven grumpily makes her way over to Anya who was also laughing her ass off. All disappear into their separate tents leaving Clarke and Lexa alone in the fire light. 

 

Clarke brushes a couple of Lexa's long brown, wet, hair from her face and the brunette grins. "I should change." Lexa says pulling her shirt over her head and then going to unbuckle her pants. Clarke just stared, open mouthed, as Lexa removed her various clothing leaving her in only her underwear - Lexa never was shy about things like that. Clarke shakes her head and grabs Lexa's bag from their tent. She tosses it to her and she catches it with ease pulling out the t-shirt and shorts she'd brought to sleep in. Clarke also changes and when she turns around to see Lexa she could see she had tied her hair back in a messy bun and she was pouring water on the fire. She then zips up her bag and heads towards Clarke before diving into the tent followed by the blonde. 

 

"I'm extremely cautious of this, in every horror movie isn't it always the lesbian campers that get killed off first?" Lexa asks obviously joking but Clarke didn't appreciate it. 

 

"Then we're in luck because I'm not a lesbian." Clarke replies. 

 

"Ah, then your bisexuality saves you." Lexa says. "Then you should be safe, no problems." 

 

"You're an idiot." Clarke comments, snuggling into Lexa, they had made the unspoken agreement that they were going to be sharing a sleeping bag. Clarke pulls Lexa down onto her lips surprising Lexa slightly especially with its intensity. "You know," Clarke says between kisses. "we should make the most of being alone." Clarke says rolling on top of Lexa. Lexa raises her eyebrows rests her hands on Clarke's hips. 

 

"Oh yeah?" Lexa asks and Clarke rolls her eyes before leaning down and kissing Lexa on the lips again. Lexa may be an idiot but she was smart enough to know where that was heading. 

 

In the next tent over Raven was lying on her side facing Anya with her grin that reminded Anya vaguely of a five year old. "I have a question." Raven says after a long moment of silence.  Anya was sceptical at first, Raven had a tendency to say stupid things from time to time and she was wondering if this was one of those moments. "Why haven't you kissed me yet?" Raven asks curiously. "I mean, I think I've made it pretty clear that I like you, and your teasing really is fucking relentless and kind of cruel because it gets me all hot and bothered and-" Anya cuts the brunette off by leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips. At first it was a little awkward, Raven had been mid rant and she froze as soon as Anya's lips had touched her's, but then they started moving and,  _ God _ , Raven couldn't form a single thought other than,  _ kiss her back doofus! _

 

Once Anya pulls away, Raven's stupid grin returns to her face. "You kissed me." Raven says in a sing song tone. 

 

"Don't read too much into it, I just wanted you to shut up." Anya says with a shrug but Raven knew she was lying. 

 

"You kissed me, I mean, you actually kissed  _ me.  _ This is a day to be remembered. Anya Woods kissed me, Raven Rey-" Anya shuts her up again by kissing her once again but this time rougher, more dominating, than before. "You kissed me again." Raven muses once she pulls away because, really, the tingling on her lips was the most amazing feeling that she’d ever had and she was sure she'd never get used to. 

 

"Shut up." Anya mutters leaning back in because she couldn't get enough of Raven's lips either. 

 

Octavia was in her own tent listening to the noise of people making out which really, despite what some people may think, wasn't the best for falling asleep to. She was a little surprised when she heard the sound of her tent zipper being undone. "Octavia?" She hears a gruff voice whisper and she instantly recognises it even after only knowing him for about half a day. 

 

"Lincoln?" Octavia asks in return sitting up and staring at the young man in the opening of her tent. 

 

"Hey." He says with a small smile. He was cute -  _ really cute _ \- and his smile was a killer. "I don't know if you noticed but my cousins and your friends appear to be making quite the noise." He whispers. "I was wondering if you'd like to go for a walk?" Octavia stares at him for a moment, trying to make up her mind, when she hears a soft moan from one of the tents. 

 

"Yes please, let's go." Octavia says standing up. Lincoln stifles his laughter, trying to not let on that the pair of them were sneaking away. Octavia didn't know what that moan was for but, whatever it was, she did not want to hear anymore. 

 

Lincoln leads her down a trail and before Octavia knew it they were away from their friends and all she could hear was the buzz of insects and nature as a whole. She takes a deep breath relishing in the fresh air. Arkadia was nice and all but sometimes she felt a little boxed in especially with Bellamy who, at the moment, was being a little bit of a dick. Lincoln picks a flower from nearby and delicately sweeps Octavia's hair behind her ear and rests the flower on her ear.  _ Beautiful _ . He wanted to say those words but he wasn't sure Octavia would like it so instead he offered her another gentle smile. "How are you so nice yet so threatening at the same time?" Octavia asks looping her arms around Lincoln's - she was cold and maybe she wanted to feel just how muscled his arms really were. 

 

"Ask Lexa that question." Lincoln jokes. "I don't know, I guess, deep down we’re all just teenagers, we’re just people, and the threatening thing is more of a... job." 

 

"You don't like it?" Octavia notes - she could tell by the tone of his voice when he called it a ‘job’. 

 

"Do I enjoy threatening people and constantly worrying about my family?” Lincoln asks sarcastically. “No but it's blood, it matters." Lincoln says with a shrug. "I could never abandon them." 

 

"Say you weren't a badass member of Trikru," Octavia says looking up at the stars above them. "what would you want to do?" 

 

"I'd like to be a doctor." Lincoln answers a little too quickly for it to have been something he hadn't thought about before. "Despite my size and looks, my instinct is to help not hurt people." Octavia smiles at his answer nodding her head in approval. 

 

"You should do what you want." Octavia encourages. "I think you'd make a handsome doctor." She adds and Lincoln laughs. 

 

"Are you flirting with me Octavia?" He asks lightly. 

 

"Maybe a little." Octavia admits and she was wondering where her confidence had come from - normally she was shy when it came to things like this. "So, you have tattoos?" Octavia asks changing the subject and the two of them fall into conversation continuing their walking and they would continue walking until they were sure the people they had left back at the campsite were done... fraternising. 

 

The next morning Lexa and Clarke were woken by someone rattling their tent. "Get your asses up! We’re leaving and your tent is the last one up." Anya says grumpily - she never was a morning person... or a people person for that matter. Lexa groans and Clarke chuckles sitting up and grabbing fresh clothes from her bag. She watches Lexa fall back asleep but she couldn't bring herself to force the brunette awake - not that she had to since Raven yelled at them this time. 

 

"Clarke, I know you're awake, tell your damn girlfriend to sit the fuck up." Clarke shakes her head and Lexa blinks open her eyes breathing a sigh of annoyance. She wanted to cuddle for longer, she wanted to not leave and drive back to Arkadia for two hours, but she knew she had to get up. Clarke gives her a quick kiss good morning before exiting to allow Lexa room to get changed. Clarke zips the tent back up and wanders over to Raven who was helping Anya pack up. 

 

"You okay Ray?" Clarke asks frowning when she spots her friend rubbing her knee. Raven frowns in response before seemingly realising what she was doing. 

 

"What? Yeah, I'm cool, just force of habit." Raven says dismissively but Clarke gives her a look joined by Anya and Octavia. "Stop staring at me like I'm a kicked puppy,  _ seriously _ , I'm fine." Raven says feeling agitated. That's when Lexa exited the tent with her leather jacket thrown over her shoulder. 

 

"Reyes," Lexa says noticing how uncomfortable Raven looked along with the pitying looks she was getting. "you and I are even now, right?" Raven sighs, thankful for the scapegoat, and smiles knowingly at Lexa. 

 

"I don't know, I feel like we'll always be trying to one up each other." Raven replies. Clarke was still giving her concerned looks but now she was attempting to take her tent down with Lexa helping her. 

 

Once everything had been packed up the gang got into their respective vehicles with Octavia opting to drive - claiming she hadn’t for a while but everyone knew it was because Raven really wasn't fine. Lexa and Clarke were in the back snuggling and Raven was riding shotgun. It didn't take long for Lexa to fall asleep and for the Raven's two best friends to zero in on her. "Raven, you're not okay." Clarke speaks up first and Octavia's hands tighten on the steering wheel. Raven sighs loudly in response. "Are you doing your physical therapy exercises?" Clarke asks. 

 

"Yes Clarke." Raven says feeling irritated. 

 

"Hey, we're just worried about you." Octavia defends Clarke. "We don't want you to be in pain." 

 

"I'm fine!" Raven snaps. Clarke and Octavia fall silent and Raven did feel a little guilty for snapping at them. "Look, I do my physical therapy, I wear my brace, I do everything I’m supposed to, it just hurts from time to time." Raven assures. "It's not like I asked my mom to get drunk and crash her car." Raven says causing Octavia to look at Clarke in the rearview mirror and Clarke to shoot a concerned look back. 

 

" _ Ste yuj _ ." A tired voice says. Raven frowns and Clarke looks down to see Lexa stretching. 

 

"What the hell does that mean?" Raven asks - more importantly how did she not know Lexa spoke another language? 

 

"It's something Lincoln says, he always reminds us of it, it means stay strong.  _ Ste yuj. _ " Lexa explains. "Supposed to inspire you or something but our family aren’t exactly optimists." 

 

"I know, I've met them." Raven mutters. Her mood had quickly turned sour after the ambushing her friends had just given to her. 

 

"My point is, when something gets tough and there's nothing you can do about it,  _ ste yuj _ , stay strong. Raven, you're strong, you just have to remind yourself from time to time." 

 

"Ste yuj." Raven repeats, testing the words out on her tongue, before smiling. "Wait, does that mean Anya can speak this mysterious language?" Raven questions.

 

"My whole family can." Lexa replies. 

 

"Oh man, that is hot as fuck." Raven comments coaxing a laugh out of everyone. 

 

"Tell me about it." Clarke chimes earning her a grin from Lexa.

 

Lexa was glad to be back in her own bed once again, unmade of course, she'd made the decision that she'd have a pyjama day - since the next day she had school and she was pretty sure her meeting with Roan was also  tomorrow so a busy day. She'd had an amazing weekend not only with Calke, though those were the highlights, but also with her friends. It was hard for her to believe that only a few months ago she had felt so lonely and now she actually had people who she loved in her life. Everything seemed so good, she was happy for once. 

 

Lexa sighs and turns on her side when Costia enters her room offering her a chocolate bar. "It's my, welcome back, please don't leave me with Indra again, offering." Costia explains tossing it at Lexa. Lexa laughs and breaks it in half so they could share. 

 

"Sorry about that." Lexa apologises. Costia collapses onto the bed beside Lexa, resting on her stomach, propping her head up with one hand and Lexa mirrors her position. 

 

"So was it good?" Costia asks raising an eyebrow. 

 

"Better than good, it was amazing." Lexa says. "I can't believe I waited this long." She adds referring to asking Clarke to come along with her on her fishing trip. 

 

"I'm glad." Costia comments. Lexa hears the sound of something dropping and she lifts her head to see Clarke standing in her doorway Lexa's bag dropped in front of her. Costia's head snaps towards the sound too and for a long moment they just stared at each other. The silence was almost suffocating, Clarke was frozen in disbelief -  _ in hurt _ \- she couldn't move, she didn't want to move,  _ how could Lexa do something like this? _

 

At first Lexa was confused. Sure she was with another girl in her bed but it was completely platonic - Costia was eating chocolate for God's sake - but then when she put all the images together in her head she knew what conclusion Clarke was drawing. Lexa was in bed, in pyjamas, so was Costia, the bed was unmade and they were lying side by side and,  _ oh God _ , that was the worst kind of image. Lexa jumps up startling Clarke from her shock. "Clarke, it's not what it-" 

 

"I just came by to drop off your things." Clarke's voice was cold, void of emotion, as she took a step back. "I didn't realise I was intruding." 

 

"No, Clarke, it's-" Lexa tries but Clarke shakes her head interrupting her. 

 

"I get it." Clarke replies feeling her heart beat feebly in her chest, it was almost like her lungs had forgotten how to do their job, she tried to breathe but all she felt was a sharp pain. "I guess she was more than just a friend." Clarke says bitterly turning on her heel. 

 

"Wait, Clarke!" Lexa calls and Clarke whirls around so fast Lexa was a little surprised she didn't have whiplash. 

 

" _ How could you Lexa _ ?" Her voice didn't come out firm, strong, angry, how Clarke had wanted it to , _ no _ , it sounded weak, vulnerable and completely broken but that hurt Lexa more - the fact that she was hurting Clarke was hurting her. 

 

"I didn't- she's just been living here-" Lexa resisted the urge to facepalm because she really didn't have to let that information slip and yet she had. 

 

"So you're a cheater and a liar?" Clarke asks shaking her head with tears threatening to spill but she refused to let them fall - not when she was standing in front of her,  _ she would not cry. _ "You're just like Finn." Clarke snarls and Lexa's eyes widen, her heart stops in her chest, her breathing catches in her throat and she turns pale. Not that Clarke noticed because she was already down the stairs and slamming the front door shut. 

 

That was the worst thing Clarke could have said to Lexa - something she never wanted to be compared to. Lexa could feel herself spiralling out of control, she could feel herself getting ready to do something stupid - something  _ incredibly  _ stupid - and irresponsible but, the thing was, she didn't even care. “Costia.” Lexa says her voice flat. She heads to her draws and begins pulling clothes out. “Call Roan, I want to meet him,  _ now _ .”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well then, that's awkward, Clarke thinks Lexa and Costia did the do but they didn't. So, shits about to go down, Roan returns, stuff like that... Let me know your thoughts!


	15. A Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven gives her two friends a piece of her mind and Lexa comes up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated asap for y'all. I loved all the comments on the last chapter and how angry everyone was but also how everyone was also nice? Does that even make sense? Whatever, bottom line, I loved reading the comments. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

"Lexa, I know you're upset but you should just think about this." Costia reasons but Lexa wasn't one to be reasoned with - not when she was worked up. 

 

"I don't want to have to ask again." Lexa says, not turning around to meet Costia's eyes, she was meeting Roan tonight. End of. She just had to keep moving - that was what she had to do - she had to keep moving otherwise she'd fall apart and she could not fall apart. Costia stands up reluctant to make the call and Lexa could sense that. She turns around meeting Costia's eyes for the first time since Clarke had left. "I said call him." Lexa says lowly, her eyes were hard set and angry, she was angry at herself for being so stupid. 

 

"Lexa-" Costia tries. 

 

"Why are you stalling?" Lexa raises her voice and Costia takes a step back. "Either you make the call and tell him to meet me or I go into Azgeda territory and get him myself." 

 

"You'll get yourself killed." Costia says her eyes widening at such a suggestion. Lexa grunts turning back to her drawers. 

 

"Then if you wish for me to live, I suggest you call him." Lexa says flatly. Costia sways on her feet, Lexa had a one track mind, she knew there was no talking her out of this. Costia let's out a loud sigh before exiting Lexa's bedroom, she'd call Roan, she'd move the meeting to that night but she couldn't let Lexa do something so dumb. She thought about telling Anya or Lincoln but she wasn't sure where they were and they weren't exactly on the best of terms. Costia curses under her breath before dialling Roan's number. 

 

Meanwhile, Lexa was pulling clothing on hastily in her room. She was more than ready to confront Roan for his dickiness and no one was about to stop her. Maybe Lexa wasn't just angry at herself. Maybe she was a little angry at Clarke for thinking that she'd do that to her.  _ Did Clarke think so lowly of her? _ Sure, she had lied and she regretted that with all of her heart, she should've come clean about Costia staying with her from the beginning, but she hadn't and now Clarke thought she was a cheater.  _ A fucking cheater. _ She even said she was just like Finn which really was a slap across the face. Finn Collins. Fuckboy of the year. Lexa laughed dryly to herself with the thought before taking a deep breath and composing herself. She had to be calm and she had to clear her mind a little. 

 

Naturally, that was when Raven made her appearance. Lexa had heard the car before she'd seen the brunette but she looked downright pissed. Lexa shakes her head, pulling her leather jacket on and sifting through her things for the item she was looking nice for. "Lexa, what the fuck?" Raven asks appearing in her doorway. 

 

"Clarke told you." Lexa observes which really was quick since she’d left merely a few minutes ago. 

 

"She called me. Do you have any idea how shit it is to hear about this over the phone?" Raven asks watching Lexa dart around her room. "Clarke shuts down when she's upset, she needs distance, so I came to get your side of the story before I went over there." Raven reveals and that causes Lexa to pause in her step. 

 

"What?" Lexa asks in confusion not understanding what exactly Raven meant. 

 

"There's always two sides to one story." Raven shrugs. "I know you Lexa, and I know you wouldn't do this to Clarke. So I'm asking you, what the fuck happened?" Lexa sighs and runs a hand through her tangled hair - she'd have to tie it up for her meeting with Roan but that could wait. She takes a seat at the end of her bed and Raven sits beside her. 

 

"I didn't... I would never cheat on Clarke." Lexa says looking Raven in the eyes. "Costia and I were just talking, and I know what it looked like but it wasn't like that, we were just relaxing, I swear." Lexa says and Raven believed her. She knew Lexa wasn't that kind of person and so did Clarke when she wasn't blinded by hurt. "But I did lie to her." Lexa says quietly and Raven shifts so she could see Lexa better. The tall brunette leans over and buries her face in her hands, not wanting to look at Raven anymore, she wipes her face before sitting back up and staring in front of her. "Costia came to me a few nights ago, she was hurt and she had nowhere else to go, I couldn't just throw her out, the Azgeda would've killed, her so I offered her a place to stay. It was okay, we were friends, nothing happened and nothing would've happened because I love Clarke and I would never want to hurt her,  _ ever _ , no matter how small." Lexa vows and Raven nods her head in understanding. 

 

"Lexa." Raven says and Lexa turns to look at her. "You're an idiot." Raven smiles just ever so slightly and Lexa lets out a small pathetic laugh in response. "Clarke's stupid too, but she's been hurt like this before, you gotta understand that Finn fucked her up, more than she lets on, she has serious trust issues, you have serious trust issues but you also have abandonment issues, and you’re both really just fucked up." 

 

"I get it Raven." Lexa says though she needed to hear what Raven had to say. 

 

"You two shouldn't work, really, I mean, you're a known gang member, you got shot, you got drunk and snuck into her room, not to mention you go around wearing leather, and Clarke's quiet, she wears plaid and spends her free time at home doing homework or drawing and not dodging bullets. You’re both fucked up and your love is fucked up but, dammit, you both deserve each other. You balance each other out." Raven was in a full on rant mode now and Lexa could see how worked up she was getting. "You're right, it is your fault for not telling Clarke the truth sooner but it's also Clarke's fault for not seeing that it's  _ you _ . Despite all your flaws you’d never sink to that level, and you’re surprisingly a decent human being. You guys  _ do  _ work and it's crazy and unexplainable but you  _ belong  _ together. So if you could get your shit together and just talk to her and work this out then go and do it." Lexa stares at Raven blinking every now and again at the passion behind her voice. "I'm Switzerland, I don't take sides other than my own, and you two need to work this out." Just then Costia enters Lexa's room again, phone clutched in her hand, she stares at Raven for a moment before shaking out of her thoughts. 

 

"It's arranged." Costia says and Lexa stands up resuming her search. Raven frowns and looks at Costia who was giving her a weary and sheepish look. 

 

"What's arranged?" Raven asks suspiciously looking at Lexa for an answer but she was too engrossed in finding whatever she wanted to pay Raven any attention. When Lexa finally finds what she had been looking for Raven's eyes almost bulge out of their sockets and her mouth falls open slightly. "Holy shit, Lexa, what are you doing?" Lexa turns around unloading the clip and checking it was loaded before pushing it back in. 

 

"Last time I took a knife to a gunfight." Lexa says pulling the chamber back and switching the safety on. "This time I'm taking a gun to a gunfight." Lexa holsters the gun in the waistband of her jeans. Raven stares at her stunned by how brutally cold Lexa was appearing to be - she really didn't care anymore - even Costia was staring at her with concern because she was going to get herself killed.

 

"Lexa, Roan is high up in the Azgeda-" Costia begins. 

 

" _ Stop _ !" Lexa snaps causing both Raven and Costia to jump. "I don't care if he's the fucking King, he shot me, do you remember that or do I need to show you the scar? Look, Clarke or no Clarke, this meeting was happening either way." That was true but Raven knew she probably wouldn't have brought a gun and she probably would have been more cautious about her life than what she was being now. Lexa shakes her head and exits her bedroom slamming the bathroom door closed to continue getting dressed. 

 

"You have to talk to Clarke." Costia says desperately turning to Raven with a pleading look. "Lexa's being irresponsible, she thinks she has to do this but she doesn't, Roan will kill her if he gets the chance." Raven had a feeling that was true the other way around too: Lexa would kill Roan if the need arose and she probably wouldn't even bat an eyelash. 

 

Raven didn't want to leave but she also knew the only way to stop Lexa was by talking to Clarke, but even that was a risky plan, Clarke might not listen to her, in fact, she probably wouldn't talk to her at all. Raven stands still for a moment before coming to conclusion that she couldn't help Lexa anymore than she already had. So she takes off, ignoring the dull ache in her knee. 

 

When Raven arrives at the Griffin residence she enters the house right away. Abby was sitting in the living room and at the sight of Raven she stands up to greet her. "How is she?" Raven questions stopping at the base of the stairs. Abby glances up the stairs and gives Raven a worried smile. 

 

"She won't talk to me." Abby says but that was to be expected - Clarke didn't like to be disturbed when she was upset. "What happened?" Abby questions. She already knew Lexa was probably the cause but she had no idea what the brunette could've done that would cause Clarke to become so upset. 

  
  


"A misunderstanding." Raven says a little ambiguously. Abby raises an eyebrow but presses for no further information - Clarke would tell her once she was ready. Raven heads up the stairs and pauses before Clarke's door. She takes a few deep breaths and cautiously enters the room. 

 

Clarke was sat at the top of her bed hugging her knees to her chest, her eyes unfocused and red rimmed, staring ahead at nothing. If she heard Raven enter she never showed no sign. She looked blank, like she was lost in her thoughts. Raven clears her throat awkwardly, she felt like she was intruding which was strange. "Clarke?" Raven asks softly. "I know you want to be alone right now but I kind of need you to snap out of it." Raven continues nervously. 

 

"Why are you here Raven?" Clarke asks. She hadn't spoken to anyone since the whole Lexa thing, and Raven knew Clarke preferred space when she was upset, but she needed to get through to Clarke - for Lexa's sake. 

 

"Look, I know you're in your weird purgatory state where you like to suffer alone, and I may not get that, but Lexa's hurting too." Raven says and Clarke turns her head so sharply Raven was surprised it didn't snap. Her eyes were burning with rage and Raven knew it was because she had said Lexa's name. "Clarke, she's  _ hurting  _ and she does stupid things when she's hurting." Raven was certain about that. Lexa had told her all about the time she'd gotten wasted on alcohol for about a month straight after her parents’ death. She was incapable of processing her feelings -  _ her heartache _ \- into anything other than stupid ideas and, although Raven still didn't know a lot about Lexa, she knew that after Costia the brunette had had a serious drug addiction problem. 

 

"I don't care." Clarke says coldly.  _ Liar _ , her brain screams,  _ you do care, you care so much _ . "She can do all the stupid things she wants with Costia, whatever." 

 

"Clarke." Raven sighs, feeling exasperated, she grits her teeth debating whether getting angry with the blonde would make her see. Raven didn't care, she came to the conclusion that the only way to get through Clarke's stubborn ass walls of upset solitude was to yell really loudly - maybe hurt her a little more. "She's not  _ Finn  _ Clarke!" Clarke freezes at Raven’s words but Raven pushes through needing to say what she had to say to make Clarke understand. "She wouldn't, she  _ hasn't _ , cheated on you." 

 

"How do you know?" Clarke asks bitterly. 

 

"Do you even hear yourself? This is  _ Lexa _ , we’re  talking about. The girl who brought flowers and chocolates to you on your first date, who beat a guy on his ass for trying to hurt you, who won you a fucking stuffed animal and gave it to you and not to mention your  _ first _ . She waited for you, she cares about you, and you're being a fucking idiot!" Raven was fuming. Lexa was her friend, and Clarke was her friend, she understood Lexa's reasons - sure she didn't agree with them - but Clarke was just being stubborn and if Lexa got herself hurt because of it she knew Clarke would never forgive herself. 

 

"She lied to me." Clarke says as though that was so unforgivable. 

 

"I know, and that sucks, really, but we both know you fucking love her and she, Clarke, she loves you more than anything. All the shit Lexa's been through, she doesn't know how to deal with hurt and she's going to do something real stupid if you don't stop her." The silence that followed Raven's statement was almost suffocating. Raven was right, Clarke cared, she cared more than anything, she loved Lexa and there was no way she could let something bad happen to her. "She's meeting Roan and I imagine it's going to go south really fast because she's angry, hurt and she's still mourning, she's still struggling with her past, she needs you,  _ she needs you _ , but she's too proud to admit it. She hides well behind those walls of hers but, dammit Clarke, she's a fucking train wreck." Raven truly knew Lexa, Clarke realises, they were friends, better than just friends, maybe even best friends, when Clarke thought about it she should feel jealous but she wasn't, she was happy that Lexa had found someone who cared maybe just as much as she does, and that's when it hit Clarke: Raven was right. Lexa was so alone, the only people who cared about her were standing in the same room, and she was somewhere trying to process her feelings which Clarke knew she was shit at. "She took a gun." Raven mutters and Clarke springs up the realisation settling in her gut. 

 

"Fuck, Raven, where is she?" Clarke asks eyes wide with worry. 

 

"I don't know, maybe at home? Maybe she left, I didn't get specifics, I just know she's going to meet Roan, she has a gun and I really don't think she cares who gets hurt... herself included." Raven concludes. Clarke shakes her head, wipes her face once, grabs her jacket and wordlessly storms out of her bedroom. No matter how angry she was with Lexa she had to stop her. She just hoped she wasn't too late. 

 

Clarke and Raven arrive at Lexa's house merely minutes after Raven's visit to Clarke’s. Clarke was frantic, that much Raven could see, no matter how much Clarke tried to disguise her nerves she couldn't hide from her friend - they knew each other too well. Clarke's leg was bobbing up and down, she couldn't focus on one point without looking somewhere else, she kept licking her lips and Raven was sure she was shaking slightly. "Come on Princess." Raven says softly exiting her car. Clarke follows after her wordlessly and, since Indra hadn't been in the house when Raven had visited before, she took it upon herself just to enter without knocking - not that it mattered really since she'd been to the Woods residence on her frequent visits to see Anya. 

 

They climb the stairs together Clarke stumbling once or twice, her mind somewhere else, and Raven was looking at her with concern. When they reach Lexa's bedroom it was empty - or Lexa empty. The normal neat room was disorganised, the bag that Clarke had dropped was still in the same place and Costia was sitting on the bed clutching her phone in her hand. When she notices the two new arrivals she springs to her feet her eyes wide with worry. "Where is she?" Raven asks stepping further into the room. 

 

"She left." Costia says briefly glancing at Raven before focusing her steely gaze on Clarke. "This is  _ your  _ fault. If she gets hurt it's because of  _ you _ ." 

 

" _ Hey- _ !" Raven says with a deep frown - where did Costia get off saying shit like that to Clarke who was obviously in a fragile state? Raven’s interjection goes unnoticed by Costia however. 

 

"We didn't even do anything!" Costia yells. She was clenching her fists by her sides but Clarke wasn't one to just take shit, no way, she stood up for herself when she needed to. 

 

" _ My _ fault? I don't want to talk about this with  _ you  _ but if it's anyone's fault it's yours." Costia goes to protest but Clarke steps forward silencing her. "You came to my house, you had the  _ audacity  _ to scrutinise me? Why did you come to her? You say you had nowhere else to go but that's a lie, you know so many people who would’ve been happy to help you and yet you chose Lexa? You wanted this to happen and I don't have to stand here and take that crap from you!" Clarke was fuming but Raven was smiling with pride at her best friend who really was more like a sister to her. Costia looked crestfallen, like everything Clarke had said had hit home, like she had purposely picked Lexa in hopes that she'd destroy Lexa's relationship and get her back. Raven pushes her thoughts aside for now, and her general distaste for the girl, and faces Costia who had gone very quiet. 

 

"We're not here to talk about that." Raven says breaking the silence. "Lexa left, where is she?" 

 

"I don't know." Costia says turning to Raven. "She told me to tell Roan to meet her in the alley where he shot her but she might've moved or, I don't know, changed plans." Costia sounded frustrated and genuinely worried about Lexa which Raven had to appreciate. Plus the fact that Roan had shot Lexa was brand new information to Raven - Lexa hadn’t told anyone other than Clarke. 

 

The sound of the front door closing causes all the teenagers to jump in surprise. They look at each other and wait with bated breath as the footsteps near. When the person rounds the corner Costia lets out a disappointed sigh, Clarke looked like she was still holding her breath, her chest tight, and Raven let out a relieved breath. "Anya." Raven says. If anyone knew Lexa better than Clarke or Raven it was her big sister. 

 

"Hey?" Anya says raising an eyebrow. "So, did I miss a party invitation?" Raven almost didn't want to tell Anya and ruin the good mood she was obviously in. 

 

"It's Lexa, she's left to go meet Roan." Raven explains because anyone else and Anya might have gotten a little physical. Anya frowns and turns her head towards Costia ignoring a frozen Clarke who was stood beside her. 

 

"She asked me to set up a meeting for  tomorrow but things changed, Clarke and her had a fight, she got angry, she asked to move it up and she wouldn't take no for an answer." Raven shakes her head because Costia had just blamed Clarke once again. 

 

"Look, the point is we have to go get Lexa back before she does something she regrets." Raven says and Anya looks at her. 

 

"Well, I agree but-" She glances around the room, just noticing its mess, and her heart stutters in her chest. "She took her gun didn't she?" Raven nods her head in answer and Anya turns on her heel trying her best to contain her anger. "That moron! I'm going to fucking kill her if she doesn't get herself killed first." Anya was storming down the stairs determination fueling her strides. "Where the hell is this meeting?" 

 

"I'll drive." Raven says dangling her keys and Anya nods her head still heading down the stairs with Raven closely behind her. Clarke was following still feeling like she was in some kind of imaginary world. She couldn't lose Lexa, she wasn't sure she could survive without Lexa, angry or not angry she loved Lexa and she wanted her to be okay.  _ Please let her be okay. _

 

Lexa was leaning against the wall of an alleyway. It was the same alleyway that she had been shot in so she found it quite fitting - maybe slightly amusing - that she was meeting Roan, once again, in the same exact spot. The blood from that night must have been washed away with the rain but now the alley was empty, void of life, quiet and she was calm - well, as calm as one can be when meeting the guy who almost killed you. 

 

Lexa plays idly with her pen knife the hard brick of the building she'd leaned against when taking, what she had thought, had been her last breaths was cold and hard beneath her shoulder blades. It was slightly chilly but that was mainly due to the wind that blew past every so often. 

 

Lexa wasn't even paying attention when Roan came strolling down the alley, she could hear him though, his boots padding loudly on the concrete ground. He stops a few feet away and Lexa makes no effort to look up at him. "I'm here." He says his voice as low and gruff as ever. Lexa closes her pen knife and shoves it in her pocket. She pushes herself off the brick wall and faces Roan. She nods her head and looks away before pulling her fist back and hitting him square in the jaw. Roan flies back landing in a crouching position with his back to Lexa. He lets out a grunt of pain and spits out the blood that had filled his mouth from the punch. "Okay, I deserved that." He says turning around and standing up but Lexa was still pissed. She grabs his throat and throws him against the wall and Roan momentarily goes blind from the impact of hitting the hard brick building. Lexa punches him again this time in the stomach, winding Roan, and she lets go of him as he tumbles to the ground. Lexa kicks him in the stomach once again and Roan lifts his hand in mercy. Lexa hadn't said a word, she'd just outright beaten the guy, and that was what caused him to laugh - a little breathlessly since he was still recovering from the last kick. 

 

Lexa clenches her jaw and grabs him by his collar before throwing him against the wall once again and watching as he slides down it now bloody and bruised. Lexa pulls the gun from her waistband and clicks the safety off but if Roan was afraid he didn't show it. "What are you waiting for?" He asks Lexa who was staring at him. Her eyes were burning with some kind of emotion which he couldn't fully read there was anger, definitely, but there was something else. " _ Do it _ ." He spits out more blood and Lexa stares at him blankly. 

 

"I'm not going to shoot you Roan." Lexa says her voice was so placid, so calm, as if she hadn't just acted out and flung Roan around like he was a ragdoll and, if her eyes weren't betraying her, Roan might have even believed that everything was fine. "You may be a dick but you're a dick that's going to help me." Roan groans when he brings his hand up to his stomach. He was sure he'd have a bruise there maybe even bruised ribs - _ Lexa sure hit hard _ . 

 

"I'm not sure what you want from me." Roan replies. "Nia's on high alert, apparently, your little confrontation in school spooked her more than she cares to admit." Lexa does smile then but only ever so slightly and it was cold and bitter. She crouches so that she's eye level with Roan. "What's happened to you then?" Roan asks. 

 

"You mean besides the fact that I was shot… by you?" Lexa questions raising her eyebrows but even Roan knew her wound was surely probably almost healed - if it wasn't already. 

 

"Sorry about that." Roan says, grunting when he moves, Lexa's eyes were staring intently at him and her closeness was making him squirm. Lexa was intense. "Really, I am." 

 

"I believe you regret shooting me." Lexa replies, playing with the gun that was in her hand. 

 

"Nia told me to do it I couldn't-" Roan stops when Lexa holds a hand up to silence him. He swallows nervously and glances down at Lexa's other hand that was holding a gun. 

 

" _ Nia _ ." Lexa says her voice full of venom and hatred. "She thinks she's so much better than everyone else, doesn't she?" Roan leans back against the wall, giving in to his injuries, feeling tired. 

 

"What are you going to do about it?" Roan asks and it wasn't teasing, it wasn't menacing or degrading like Nia's had been in school, it was genuine, and Lexa holsters her gun once again and slyly pulls her pen knife out. She looks up and meets Roan's blue eyes, that reminded her somewhat of Clarke's, she swallows thickly before flipping her blade up. 

 

"I'm going to kill her." Lexa says monotone. "And you're going to help me." Lexa brings her blade down onto Roan's leg causing him to cry out in pain. She swiftly pulls it out, wipes it on his jacket and stands up. "Tell Nia you were attacked by  _ me,  _ in Azgeda territory, maybe your protective big sister will come out to play if not for you but for the fact that I was in her land." Lexa says with an evil smirk. She shoves her blade back in her pocket and Roan was holding his leg cursing under his breath - it wasn’t that deep but it was deep enough. 

 

"What angle are you playing Lexa?" Roan asks his voice strained and hoarse. Lexa grabs him and stands him upright - he could still walk which was what he'd need to do if he wanted to get back to Nia to deliver Lexa's message. 

 

"Draw her out and attack." Lexa replies like it was obvious. "Don't pretend like you don't want your sister off her high throne so you can sit on it." Lexa sneers and Roan couldn't argue because that was true; his sister was callous and he'd be a much better leader for Azgeda - at least that’s what he thought. Lexa nods, seeing the look in Roan's eyes, she releases him and begins walking away. 

 

"Until we meet again?" Roan calls limping forward slightly. 

 

"You're still a dick Roan!" Lexa says with a wave over her shoulder Roan laughs and begins limping in the other direction. Lexa grins, now she had a plan to finally rid herself of the ice bitch. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa hits hard guys - especially when she's angry. So Roan's kind of an ally? Maybe. Draw her out and attack, solid plan... I think. Let me know what you think of this chapter :)!
> 
> I'd also like to say that I watched D.E.B.S today and all the way through I was thinking about how awesome a Clexa AU of it would be and I kind of want that really badly now.


	16. We Need to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa turns up at school a little worse for wear and she finally meets her therapist plus she talks to Clarke... well, kind of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost died last night because Richard Harmon tweeted my YouTube video and then I tweeted him and he liked my tweet. It really wasn't good for my heath.
> 
> Anyway, here's a new chapter for y'all and I hope you enjoy!

Clarke, Raven and Anya had searched into the early hours of the next morning for Lexa. Even after she had responded to a text from Anya saying she was fine they'd felt the need to keep searching for her because you never really knew with Lexa. Clarke had been exhausted, especially since she'd spent a large portion of that day crying, so Raven and Anya had dropped her off to get some rest - under Raven's orders of course. Anya had later dropped Raven off and continued searching but, alas, no one was able to find Lexa. Anya had even searched by her tree a couple of times but it was like the brunette had fallen off the face of the earth.

 

Clarke was sifting through her locker, ready to begin her day, she had bio first and, although she was exhausted, her mom had told her it was her own fault and she still had to go to school. Clarke didn't know how her mom was so calm about the whole thing, Lexa had had a meeting with Roan and never came home. _How was that okay?_

 

Clarke feels the presence of someone behind her and turns to find Raven who looked equally as tired and worn out as Clarke felt. Raven steps forward and leans her head against the locker gently banging it in an attempt to show how much she really didn't want to be at school. That's when Clarke notices her, the girl they'd searched high and low for all night, and she looked like a disaster. She was wearing sunglasses and clutching her head in obvious pain. Someone was beside her talking and Lexa simply pushed them away from her which was not only rude but a little disrespectful - not that the person would speak up against Lexa Woods. She looked a mess and Clarke knew she'd been drinking; she could tell by Lexa's intolerance to the sounds around her and how she was still stumbling around, hungover and in pain. A part of Clarke was relieved but another part, the darker part, took a little pleasure in the fact that Lexa was suffering because she was suffering too so why shouldn't Lexa?

 

Raven was groaning and Clarke turns her attention away from the brunette down the hall and onto her best friend. "Clarke, I'm dying." Raven complains. "Does she have any idea how long we looked for her? And she just shows up at school like its no big deal?" Raven pouts and Clarke smiles at her. The sound of lockers clattering causes all attention, including Raven and Clarke's, to turn to Lexa. She was currently being pinned against the lockers by a very angry looking Anya - who was still wearing the clothes she had been last night meaning she hadn't even gone home - she was gripping Lexa by the collar of her leather jacket and leaning impossibly close to her.

 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Anya growls and Lexa groans. "I was out all night looking for you and you turn up here smelling like a frat house, obviously hung over, do you have any idea how worried I was about you?" Anya was panicking and Lexa could see that. She suddenly didn't care about her pounding head or the fact that her sister was practically pinning her to the lockers she had to calm Anya.

 

"It's okay Anya, I'm okay." Lexa reassures resting her hands on Anya's. Anya sways on her feet before releasing Lexa and pulling her into a tight hug. Lexa grunts in surprise and barely brings her arms up to wrap around her sister in time.

 

"Don't you ever do that again you idiot." Anya warns. "And what the hell were you thinking? Drinking Lexa, really?" Lexa smiles slightly at her and Anya almost felt like her sister actually was okay - _almost_ \- if she couldn't see through her fake smiles.

 

"Can Lexa Woods please report to the principal's office?" A voice over the intercom squawks and Lexa rolls her eyes. She closes her locker, careful to make the least amount of noise possible, and turns to Anya.

 

"Go home and get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere." Lexa tells Anya who gives her a suspicious look.

 

"That's what you say but I constantly feel like you're going to run away again." Anya says.

 

"First of all, I didn't run away and, second of all, last night was a one time thing. I got drunk, I was upset, my first thought was to drink so I did." Lexa shrugs but she could tell that Anya did not find that answer satisfying at all.

 

Raven was watching the exchange between them but Clarke had lost interest a long time ago - not wanting to look at Lexa more than she had to. "We have bio first right?" Raven questions and Clarke nods her head. "Good, maybe I can talk to miss drink-your-problems-away." Clarke lets out a small laugh at that.

 

Lexa was staring at her sister trying to communicate that she really should just go home and that everything was going to be fine. "Fine, but if you do anything-" Anya begins.

 

"I won't." Lexa interrupts. Anya smiles slightly, ruffles Lexa's hair and heads in the direction of the front door. Lexa sighs, removes her sunglasses and begins walking down the hall to the principal's office she had been called to - she had an inkling as to what he wanted to discuss but she didn't like it one bit. She passes by Clarke and her steps slow slightly, she glances to her side to see the blonde wasn't paying her any attention at all so she smiles sadly before continuing on her way.

 

"Wow, she's a wreck." A low voice from beside Clarke murmurs. Raven straightens up and Clarke tenses.

 

"Finn, if you don't leave Clarke alone I'll chop off your right ball and feed it to a pack of stray dogs." Raven threatens. Clarke gives her a surprised look with a hint of amusement and Raven just shrugs - maybe Anya's anger had rubbed off on her somewhat but Raven never was one to shy away from physical combat.

 

"Relax Raven, I'm just pointing out that another student is clearly messed up." He shrugs and Clarke finally turns to face him. It was obvious he was enjoying seeing Lexa spiral too much and Clarke felt defensive of her.

 

"She's been through a lot and she's still going through a lot. So maybe you should back off." Clarke says sternly. Finn did look surprised by Clarke's little outburst but mostly he just looked amused.

 

"Wait, did you two break up?" Finn asks. "Finally realise what you were missing?" He teases leaning in close to Clarke. Clarke pushes him away and Raven almost grabbed the guy and shoved him against the lockers if Clarke hadn't have shoved him away first. She couldn't believe she'd once thought he was good looking, he was practically a wolf in sheep’s clothing - his hair was tragic at the moment too. Raven scoffs in response and Clarke's blue eyes were fiery with anger.

 

"I'm not missing you Finn." Clarke says angrily. "I never will."

 

"Brutal." He comments but he didn't sound the least bit downhearted. "You know Clarke, when you get sick of being with a deadbeat asshole let me know." Finn pushes himself off the locker and pauses in front of Raven. "Always a pleasure Raven." He winks before he walks away and Raven lunges for him only to be held back by her friend.

 

"He's not worth it Ray." Clarke says dismissively waving Octavia over to come join them.

 

"He's a dick and Lexa's no deadbeat asshole. _He's_ the asshole." Raven grits her teeth together in annoyance and Octavia looks at her with mild concern.

 

"What's up with her?" Octavia whispers into Clarke's ear but not quietly enough.

 

"Don't worry about it Pocahontas." Raven says dismissively. "I've got a couple of things to take care of, I'll see you in class?" Raven asks and the pair nod their heads. Octavia looks at Clarke expectantly and the blonde smiles, she loops her arm through Octavia's and they walk down the hall arms linked and smiling.

 

"So how are you feeling?" Octavia asks hesitantly - she knew Clarke was a little bit of a shut in when it came to emotions. Clarke sighs and leans harder on her friend for support.

 

"Honestly? Exhausted, regretting every decision I've ever made." Clarke shrugs and Octavia gives her a sympathetic smile - not that Clarke noticed since she had her head leaning against Octavia's shoulder as they walked.

 

"You made the right decision Clarke, she lied to you, make her squirm a little before you talk it out with her." Octavia reassures.

 

"Except Lexa doesn't squirm, she fucking flies off the handle." Clarke replies. "She didn't come home last night and she came to school hung over, how am I supposed to ignore that? What if she gets hurt because of me?"

 

"Hey, none of that, if she gets hurt it’s her own fault. You're not to blame Clarke." Octavia assures. "I just think Raven's right, and you know I don't agree with her unless absolutely necessary, Lexa made a mistake, talk to her and see if you can work it out."

 

Lexa was sitting facing Jaha who was giving her a disappointed look. "You can't put these therapy sessions off any longer Lexa." Jaha explains. "If you do not attend the one tonight then I will have no choice but to suspend you." Lexa grips the edge of her seat and slumps back feeling fed up of being in school.

 

"Where is it?" Lexa asks and Jaha purses his lips. He had noticed how Lexa seemed extra fidgety and it was his job to be on top of his students to make sure they were healthy and just all round okay.

 

"Have you taken your medication today?" Jaha questions, noticing how Lexa wouldn't stop bobbing her leg and kept playing with her fingers, normally he'd put it down to nerves but Lexa wasn't one to get nervous and of course he knew about her ADHD.

 

"What?" Lexa asks before realising what he meant. She steadies her leg and places her hands on her knees. "Um, yeah, I just, I took them a little later than usual and it takes a while for them to kick in." She says but that was a lie because she hadn't been home so, no, she had not taken her daily pill.

 

"Lexa." Jaha's voice was deep and condescending and she knew that he knew she was lying.

 

"I'm just having a bad day." Lexa interrupts. "I'm fine, I promise, and I was told by my doctor not to take a missed dose." Jaha sighs and sits back in his comfortable looking leather chair. He couldn't exactly argue with what the doctor had told Lexa, since that wasn't his area of expertise, but Lexa seemed to be having more than just that problem. Jaha concedes, unable to argue with her on that point, but he would stick by his word about the therapy.

 

"Tonight, at Arkadia Memorial Hospital, do I make myself clear?" Jaha narrows his eyes at Lexa and she nods her head quickly. "You're dismissed." He says and Lexa jumps up happy to finally be leaving. "Oh, and Miss Woods?" He calls after her causing Lexa to pause in the doorway. " _Talk_ to the therapist, they can really help you." He says sincerely. Lexa doesn't bother to reply, she just nods curtly and exits the office, she takes a deep breath and heads towards her first period.

 

Lexa was slightly late to her lesson so she had to enter the class after the door was closed which meant all attention was on her. "Miss Woods, how nice of you to finally join us. Take your seat." The teacher says.

 

"Sorry." Lexa mutters hurrying to her seat. She manages to catch a glance of Clarke staring at her with Octavia sitting beside her at their lab. Lexa slumps on her stool dropping her bag on the ground with a loud sigh. She grabs her pen and text book out of her bag and turns to the page she saw Raven had her's turned to. She was sat for two whole minutes before she started to get bored, anything would've been remotely better than what she was currently doing, plus she had plans to put into action - school was wasting her time.

 

"Can you stop?" A whisper from Raven startles Lexa slightly because she had been sure that she was getting the silent treatment from all of her friends after the stunt she'd pulled last light. "As much as I think you'd make a hot drummer, I really don't feel like listening to you banging your pen off our desk." Lexa looks down at her hand and realised that she had indeed been hitting her pen against the desk without realising it.

 

"Sorry." Lexa says throwing her pen down onto her book and leaning her elbows on the desk. She leans her head on her hands and Raven glances around before leaning closer to her.

 

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks quietly. Lexa looks at her for a long moment.

 

"Not really." She admits. Raven was the first person she'd actually told how she was really feeling to, and had Clarke asked the same question her answer would’ve been the same, but still there were some things even Raven didn't know about her - like her ADHD. "I'm just having trouble concentrating." Lexa plays off and Raven nods her head.

 

"Being hungover will do that to you." _Being hungover and having missed taking your medication will do that to you,_ Lexa retorts in her head but she suppresses it.

 

"Yeah." Lexa says dismissively. Raven frowns at her friend. "Is Clarke still mad at me?" Lexa asks changing the subject.

 

"Well, she was mad, then she was scared and now she's mad again because you disappeared all night and scared the shit out of everyone." Raven answers.

 

"Are _you_ still mad?" Lexa asks smirking at Raven. Raven rolls her eyes at the question and lightly pushes the brunette beside her.

 

"I'm annoyed." Raven replies with a small smile. "So what even happened at this meeting with Roan?" Raven asks curiously - maybe Lexa had skipped it for all she knew.

 

"Nothing really, I may have hit him once or twice but other than that..." Lexa shrugs.

 

"You hit him?" Raven asks though she wasn't really surprised, the guy had shot her after all, he deserved much worse. "And nothing happened? For some reason I don't believe you." Both of them had been talking instead of taking notes so Lexa really hoped they weren't asked any questions.

 

"Believe what you want." Lexa says. She glances behind her and catches a glimpse of Clarke who was calmly writing things down with Octavia beside her also recording something down. The blonde chose that exact moment to look up and blue and green met across the classroom rendering both of them breathless for a moment. Clarke's heart aches in her chest and Lexa's starts beating uncontrollably. They stay like that for what seems like an eternity when Lexa smiles softly at her, it was small but it was there, and it was the smile that Clarke adored and that people rarely got to see and she felt herself smiling back.

 

"Face the front Miss Woods." Mr Pike calls breaking the magical moment. Lexa reluctantly tears her gaze away from Clarke and faces her teacher. "Is there something more interesting at the back of the class?" He asks.

 

"Well, since you mentioned it, anything other than listening to you talking would be more interesting." Lexa replies spurring sniggers from her fellow classmates. Raven nudges her in warning but Lexa wasn't really in the right state of mind to think about her words before she spoke them.

 

"Excuse me?" He asks crossing his arms in that annoying way that teachers do.

 

"I'm just saying-"

 

" _Lexa_." Raven whispers harshly under her breath.

 

"Um, right, sorry sir I'll try to pay more attention." Lexa apologises. Mr Pike narrows his eyes at Lexa but carries on his talking. Raven gives Lexa a concerned look but the brunette just picks up her pen and begins absentmindedly dragging her pen over the paper in her note book - not even bothering to actually take notes.

 

Lexa was leaning against her locker when she finally saw an opportunity to talk to Clarke - she just needed to say something and then she'd leave the blonde alone. She walks towards her and stops when she's beside her, she leans against a locker, and Clarke closes her's to find Lexa there - she'd heard someone approaching she just hadn't expected it to be Lexa. "Hey." Lexa says. "We need to talk."

 

"Now?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow. Lexa laughs softly wrapping her arms around herself.

 

"No not now, later, when we're alone." Lexa says. "I don't want to pressure you into talking to me, I get it if you never want to talk to me again, I just thought that you might want to, and I really want to clear-" Lexa stops mid-sentence when she sees Clarke smirking at her. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

 

"No, it's just I'm used to it being me who rambles but you're equally as cute when you do it." Clarke comments and Lexa smiles at her flashing her white teeth at the blonde. "I’d like to talk too. How about after school?"

 

"Yeah but it'll have to be after seven, I have to go to therapy at six." Lexa says grudgingly. Clarke knew that Jaha had recommended her for therapy but Lexa had never actually gone yet so she figured she was now being forced to attend. Clarke nods her head telling Lexa that was fine.

 

"I noticed you were a little unfocused in class." Clarke says. "Are you okay?"

 

"I forgot to take my meds, that's why I couldn't really concentrate, plus my irrationality is through the roof at the moment so I might just lash out and punch Finn in the face if he walks by." Lexa replies.

 

"Raven told you." Clarke observes and Lexa nods her head.

 

"Hell yeah she did." Lexa says. "You know it's funny, all morning I've been feeling like I'm out of control, like there's a buzzing all around me, and then I'm standing here talking to you and I feel calm... almost at peace." Lexa notes. "Maybe I don't need my meds when I'm around you." Clarke laughs and shakes her head not believing Lexa. Lexa glances down and notices the promise ring she had gotten Clarke was still resting on her finger. "You're still wearing it." Lexa points out and Clarke follows her line of sight to the ring.

 

"Of course I am." Clarke replies. "I still like to remember what you promised me."

 

"I haven't been very good in keeping those promises." Lexa mutters and Clarke almost felt bad for her but now wasn't the time.

 

"We'll talk later." Clarke reassures stepping away from her locker and Lexa. Lexa stands up right and watches as Clarke leaves.

 

"After seven." Lexa reminds her and Clarke smiles and nods her head before disappearing to go do whatever she had to do. That's when Lexa notices Roan, who was limping down the hallway towards her, it was a miracle her friends hadn't noticed the state he was in - bruised and more rugged than usual. He passes by, shooting Lexa a knowing grin, and Lexa shakes her head tilting it to the ground.

 

"Good to see you Lexa." He says.

 

"You too Roan." Lexa replies before pushing off the locker and heading off to her next period.

 

After school Lexa had spent time being scolded by Indra, for once again disappearing all night, before being told to stay in her room and then being driven to her appointment at the hospital. She had told Indra that she needed to see Clarke after and she had agreed but only because she thought by Lexa resolving her problems with Clarke that would stop her from pulling anymore stunts.

 

Lexa makes her way down the hospital hallway when she sees a familiar face waiting just a few meters away from her. Lexa resists the urge to groan. Wasn't it bad enough she had to attend therapy sessions without Abby Griffin ambushing her at them? Lexa hadn't talked to Clarke, _not really_ , but she knew Abby would know what had gone down between them because Clarke told her mom everything. Lexa had half the mind just to run away from the doctor as well as her therapy session - she had purposely put the therapy off but Jaha had reached the end of his patience and he had told Lexa that she had to attend the sessions if she wished to attend Ark High which she did. So here she was and now she was being cornered by Abby.

 

Lexa stops in her tracks and shoulders her bag so it rested more firmly on her shoulder. Maybe she could just wait for the doctor to leave, maybe Abby was simply just on a break and she'd up and leave in a second, but, as Lexa waited, she could tell that she was waiting for her. Lexa sighs and begins walking forward again, when she's a few feet from Abby the doctor notices her and stands up straight. "Lexa." Abby breathes when the brunette finally reaches her.

 

"Dr Griffin." Lexa says awkwardly. "Good to see you, I suppose." Lexa shrugs trying to play that ‘I don't care’ act that she had all but perfected before Clarke, Abby, Octavia and Raven came crashing into her life and _made_ her care. Abby gives her a look and Lexa hated that Abby could see through her so well. "Where’s Clarke?" Lexa asks the question she had really wanted to ask.

 

"We're not talking about Clarke, we’re talking about you. Clarke told me she saw you at school today and told me that it looked like you'd been drinking." Abby says getting all condescending and Lexa didn't want ‘momma bear Griffin’ as Raven put it.

 

"Teenagers drink sometimes." Lexa replies which was true but Abby knew better.

 

"Yes they do but you have a tendency to use alcohol to cope with things which could end up hurting you more." Lexa shakes her head and scoffs at Abby's lecture.

 

"I knew I was here for therapy but I didn't think _you_ were my therapist." Lexa says and Abby's eyes narrow at Lexa. It was a cheap shot, Lexa knew that, but she couldn't think of Abby as the mother she had lost anymore - it just wouldn't be right.

 

"No I'm not." Abby says and Lexa could already tell what the next question was going to be. "Are you having any problems with your addiction?" Abby was hesitant to ask and Lexa felt herself deflate - that was her past, that wasn't even relevant.

 

"I'm taking my medication accordingly." Lexa says but her words were stiff the topic clearly not sitting well with her. "I haven't taken anything else and I don't want to." Lexa's life may be a mess at the minute, and she'd turned to that once before, but never again - _never again_ \- that's all that needed to be said.

 

"You should get in there." Abby says satisfied with that answer and she could tell when Lexa was telling the truth - something she'd learnt by treating painful injuries and the brunette claiming she wasn't in pain when she so clearly was. "Good luck." If Lexa wasn't mistaken Abby sounded genuine like she actually cared for Lexa's sanity.

 

"Abby." Lexa says stopping the doctor from walking away. Abby turns around and Lexa grips her backpack strap tighter trying to muster up the words she felt she needed to say. "You're not my mom. I don't need you looking out for me." Lexa says and Abby's expression softens. She smiles sadly and looks Lexa in the eyes that were giving her a desperate look - even if the brunette didn't know it.

 

"Oh, Lexa, I know I'm not your mom but I'll always look out for you." Abby says. "I always have and I always will." Abby takes her leave then leaving Lexa alone. Lexa leans against the wall for support and watches after Abby before she disappears down the corridor. When had she formed this godforsaken mother daughter relationship with the doctor? Abby had seen her literally at her worst, maybe that was why Lexa felt the way she did because she'd stuck by her even when Lexa hadn't wanted to stick by herself. She'd never judged her, only cared, and nursed her back to health and, really, wasn't that what a mother was?

 

Lexa curses under her breath, stands up straight, takes a deep breath, and musters up all her courage. She looks up towards the ceiling but in her mind she was looking beyond that and into the stars above her. She really needed a mom right now, she needed _her_ mom, but she wasn't there anymore.

 

Lexa enters the therapist office after hearing her name being called. She settles on the couch, throwing her bag to one side, as the doctor reviewed her extensive medical file and also the files sent from school. "Wow, Lexa, you have some pretty crazy history." The doctors comments.

 

"Thanks? I guess." Lexa replies with a small frown.

 

"Sorry, my name's Dr Green but you can call me Monty, I think it makes this seem less formal." He says. "Anyway, I'm just saying, you have quite the history with multiple injuries to yourself and injuries you've inflicted upon other people." He continues still scanning the paper work.

 

"They deserved it." Lexa mutters and the doctor surprisingly chuckles.

 

"I'm sure they did." He replies and Lexa, unfortunately, found herself liking the dude - he was easy, laid back and his smile was that infectious kind that Clarke had too. "Your recent scuffle is what I wish to talk about, Jaha told me the details surrounding the incident involving you and a... Finn Collins?" He questions.

 

"You mean to tell me he doesn't have to go to therapy but I do? Of course he doesn't." Lexa grumbles unamused. Monty sets the files aside and stares at Lexa.

 

"Everything you say in here never leaves this room Lexa, this is a safe place where you can vent to me or just let out how you’re feeling."

 

"And then you tell me if I'm crazy or not?" Lexa asks sarcastically and Monty laughs shaking his head.

 

"I'm not sure when this negative image attached itself to therapy, no Lexa, therapy is a way of solving issues, it doesn't mean you're crazy or psychotic, it means you might have a few issues that you have left unresolved for many years and they're finally getting to you." The guy couldn't have hinted at it anymore than that.

 

"You mean my parents." Lexa concludes looking him in the eyes. He smiles sadly and nods his head slightly.

 

"Jaha told me that you lashed out at Finn because he said, and I quote, ' _So what? So you can get Clarke killed like you did your parents?_ ' and ' _You killed them didn't you? You're a psycho bitch, who killed her mommy and daddy..._ ' etcetera." Monty looks at Lexa who was now looking very tense compared to her previous relaxed persona. "How did that make you feel?" Lexa scoffs at that question, it was so unbelievably cliche she couldn't even begin to comprehend how anyone could take this guy seriously, but maybe that was the point, Monty was quite young, maybe Jaha thought he could identify with Lexa.

 

"How did that make me feel? I don't know, angry? That's why I hit him." Lexa replies like it was obvious.

 

"Why were you angry?" Monty presses and Lexa looks around the room.

 

"I don't know, it struck a nerve, look, I don't expect you to understand, okay, my parents’ death was complicated." Lexa says dismissively.

 

"Actually, I have access to all your files Lexa, that means the statement you gave on the night they died." Monty says and Lexa swallows nervously. "It says you were hysterical, claiming it was your fault that your parents were killed."

 

"You shouldn't have that." Lexa says standing up. "That's none of your buisness and I really don't need this right now."

 

"Sit down." Monty says calmly. "I think your reaction shows that you really do want to talk about this, you're just afraid. I won't judge." Lexa collapses back on the couch and buries her head in her hands not wanting to face her demons one bit. "Look, I lost my father when I was young, I blamed myself for his death too, and, although it had nothing to do with me, I still felt this crushing guilt on my chest. You lost both your parents and that kind of emotional baggage can take its toll on you."

 

"Kids started spreading rumours that I was behind the whole thing." Lexa admits. "I didn't really care, I built this perfect stoic and icy wall and I didn't let anyone in other than my sister, because it was my fault, so why would I tell them any different? I might as well be known as the ruthless and heartless Lexa Woods who killed her parents than the pathetic, stupid, coward Lexa Woods that got her parents killed because of her irresponsibility." Lexa says. She was crying now, freely, and Monty was being very patient waiting for Lexa to continue whenever she was ready. "I do care, I care so much, and people think that their words don't hurt me but they do and my parents-" Lexa chokes on her sobs and Monty was giving her a sympathetic smile with sad eyes. "I called them that night, they were out because of me, how could I not blame myself?" Lexa asks looking at Monty desperately.

 

"I can't offer you an explanation, maybe fate? Whatever you want to call it Lexa, but on that night you called your parents because you needed them, any teenager would've done the same, it was an unfortunate event that lead to a tragedy but there is nothing you could've done. If you hadn't called them that night you might not be sitting here right now, maybe you would’ve been the one that died that night because you were in a strange place with no bearings, maybe you might've landed in the river and drown, you never know, but, Lexa, this was not your fault. You need to lay off yourself a little, accept a little blame if you must, but you can't let this guilt crush you."

 

"Sometimes I think maybe I should’ve been the one who died." Lexa reveals and Monty pauses his pen ceasing its movements that Lexa had only just noticed.

 

"You truly feel that way?" He asks and Lexa takes a deep breath.

 

"Sometimes." Lexa says and Monty raises an eyebrow.

 

"I sense a but?" He says and Lexa smiles tasting her salty tears on her lips.

 

"But then I would've never met Clarke." Lexa replies. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. She almost makes me feel like I'm not such a terrible human being." Lexa looks up at him through her watery eyes and Monty stares at her. "What? Don't tell me you're a homophobe doc?" Lexa asks with a grin and Monty could tell that she was quite the sarcastic little joker - something he found quite admirable.

 

"Of course not, otherwise I'd be a little bit of a hypocrite and my husband might have a serious problem with me." He winks at Lexa and that answer did surprise Lexa slightly. Monty didn't seem like the gay type, and her gaydar was impeccable, maybe she just couldn't detect if guys were gay, but she was certain her gaydar worked perfectly for detecting if girls were or not. "So, Clarke?" He asks raising an eyebrow.

 

"Oh man doc, that is a whole other story." Lexa says with a happy smile making its way onto her face.

 

"Hm." Monty checks his watch and looks up at Lexa. "Okay, we’ll save the Clarke talk for another session but I want to continue our discussion of your parents." He says and Lexa leans back feeling exhausted and emotionally drained - she still had to talk to Clarke after this. The doctor launches into his advice and Lexa actually does pay attention - despite the fact that she hadn't taken her medication which really spoke volumes for how good of a doctor Monty Green really was.

 

Clarke was relaxing in the living room when she heard the knock at the front door. She stands up and makes her way to the door opening it to find Lexa standing there. Clarke wordlessly steps away from the door and retreats back to the living room allowing Lexa to follow behind her cautiously. Lexa watches as Clarke resumes her position on the couch but Lexa opts for standing against the doorframe not feeling as confident as she usually did. "We need to talk." Lexa says unsure of how to start.

 

"So talk." Clarke replies looking at her. Lexa sways on her feet before walking towards the sofa and sitting down beside Clarke.

 

"I lied to you about Costia," Lexa begins. "I own that mistake, I should've been honest with you the day I let her stay, but I just didn't know how to bring it up, or really what to say, I'm sorry. I was an idiot, more so than usual," Lexa says causing Clarke to laugh softly. "and I'm sorry that I thought it was okay to keep lying to you." Lexa lifts her head and turns it to look at Clarke to see her watching her. "I never cheated on you Clarke, I never would." Clarke smiles softly.

 

"I know." She says it like she means it and Lexa watches as the blonde reaches out and takes her hand. "I'm sorry too, for thinking, even for a second, that you would ever do something like that to me. Raven reminded me that you're not Finn and I think I need to remember that because, oh my god, you are so, _so_ , _so_ , much better than him. Lexa I know you, I mean, I _really_ know you... I don't want to freak you out." Clarke says hesitantly trailing off whatever she was about to say. Lexa frowns slightly, squeezes Clarke's hand to tell her it was okay, and pulls her slightly closer to her. Lexa was giving her a look, telling Clarke to continue whatever it was that she was going to say. "It's stupid but, I don't know if I really believe in that whole soulmates thing but you make me believe in it, _us_ makes me believe in it, and I just can't shake the feeling that, without you, I'm no one."

 

"You're not no one." Lexa interrupts. "If anyone's no one it’s me. _You_ , you're amazing, you have your whole future ahead of you, you're going to make an amazing doctor some day, you make me someone when I'm no one." Lexa says. Clarke rests her hand lightly on Lexa’s cheek and the brunette nuzzles into it softly.

 

"I guess we're both a couple of nobodies." Clarke comments making Lexa laugh.

 

"Who happened to find each other-"

 

"And made each other feel like a couple of somebodies." Clarke finishes for Lexa and Lexa gazes at her for a long moment before the blonde bursts out laughing. "God, that is the cheesiest shit I've ever said in my life." Clarke says and Lexa pulls her even closer twisting her arms around Clarke's waist.

 

"I liked it." Lexa whispers and Clarke pauses in her laughter catching Lexa's darkening eyes. "I kind of want to kiss you right now." Lexa admits - they were already barely centimetres apart already. Clarke's eyes flick down to Lexa's lips and she instinctively leans closer resting her forehead against Lexa's.

 

"I kind of want you to." Clarke replies breathlessly. Lexa smiles before closing the tiny space between them and, although it had only been a day since Lexa had last felt Clarke's lips on her own, she felt like she'd been missing something vital. Clarke was like a drug that Lexa craved but she was also something that she needed and not kissing her had literally been killing her.

 

The brunette pushes back harder and Clarke lets out a low moan falling back on the soft cushions of the sofa. Lexa follows her, keeping their lips together and traveling so she was on top of Clarke, pressing impossibly close to her. Clarke loops her arms around Lexa's neck, pulling her down harder, and she gently bites on the brunette's lower lip coaxing a whimper out of her. Clarke grins at the sound, feeling her body respond in ways that she'd never imagined, sure, before they had gone all the way, Clarke had made out with Lexa multiple times, but each time she had managed to keep her cool, ever since crossing that line though Clarke couldn't get enough - even Lexa's soft whimper made her crazy teenage hormones go into overdrive.

 

The kiss deepens instinctively and Clarke savours the feeling of Lexa's tongue on her own as the brunette presses down harder on her body. Satisfied with Lexa's closeness, Clarke moves her hands from Lexa's neck, down the sides of her body, before coming to the hem of her shirt and the top of her jeans. Clarke slips her hands under Lexa's shirt and runs her hands up the smooth skin beneath causing Lexa to shiver from the contact. Lexa responds to this by detaching their lips and kissing down Clarke's neck sucking at the skin whenever she could. "God Lexa, if you don't stop then I'm gonna- _oh_." Clarke says feeling Lexa begin to grind into her, it was probably because they were in a very heated make out session, and it was probably because Lexa had the same teenage hormones that were driving Clarke insane too, but, either way, it was happening.

 

"Clarke." Lexa says moving her lips to Clarke's ear. "I want you." Lexa says nibbling on Clarke's earlobe. Clarke swallows thickly her hands pausing their movements.

 

"On the couch?" She questions enticing a chuckle from Lexa.

 

"Anywhere." Lexa replies and Clarke smirks.

 

"The couch works fine for me." She replies unfastening Lexa's jeans. "Just don't tell my mom."

 

"Not a chance in hell." Lexa relies without hesitating. Maybe they were moving a little fast, and maybe Clarke still hadn't fully forgiven Lexa, but they were in love and Clarke couldn't keep herself away from Lexa and Lexa felt the same way about Clarke.

 

"I have something embarrassing to show you." Clarke says, still coming down from her high, she was settled on top of Lexa completely spent and half clothed and it didn't help that Lexa was tickling her skin by gently running her finger over her back at the bottom of her spine where her shirt had rode up. "You have to promise me you won't laugh." Clarke says shifting to sit up. Lexa groans in displeasure at the loss of contact but she follows Clarke sitting upright.

 

"You've intrigued me now Griffin, there's no backing down." Lexa says raising an eyebrow. Her pants were still unbuttoned and her shirt was dishevelled but she felt better than she had ever felt before. Monty had helped her considerably, for once she'd faced her demons and he'd help her slay some of them relieving some of that guilt that was pressing down on her, she already felt more calm now, but it wasn't all gone even Monty knew she still had a long way to go yet and then her talk with Clarke had _definitely_ gone better than she had planned - she hadn't even expected a kiss on the cheek goodbye never mind this.

 

Clarke reaches into her backpack that was resting on the coffee table and pulls out her notebook. Lexa shuffles so she's sitting beside Clarke with their legs pressed against each other. "Remember that time in English when you caught me drawing instead of taking notes?" Clarke questions.

 

"Of course, and you refused to show me, and I teased you that it was something dirty." Lexa recalls - that seemed like such a long time ago but in reality it hadn’t been that long. Clarke flips her notebook open to the page where she had been drawing that day and hands Lexa the book. Lexa takes it curiously and glances down at the page a smile pulling at the corner of her lips instantly. It was her, a beautiful drawing of her, that Clarke had spent half of English doing and it was before they even got together - something about that made her heart melt in her chest. "So you got all flustered because you were drawing me?" Lexa questions tearing her eyes from the page.

 

"Well yeah, I was kind of totally crushing on you and I was a total nerd and you were, well, _you_." Clarke confesses.

 

"Shut up Griffin, you were not crushing on me." Lexa says with an eye loll. "I mean, obviously I'm attractive and an artist has to appreciate a masterpiece."

 

"How do you manage to be so full of yourself? It must be exhausting?" Clarke asks sarcastically. "Of course I was crushing on you, I’d had a crush on you for a while, since even before you came to my house that night with your banged up shoulder."

 

"No way." Lexa denies. Maybe she was full of herself but she would've known how Clarke felt surely because, truth be told, Lexa had had a major crush on Clarke for a very long time.

 

"Yes way." Clarke replies - she was surprised that Lexa found it so shocking that she had had a crush on her. "Do you remember sophomore year when you made that huge scene in the cafeteria?" Clarke asks.

 

"Oh God, a huge scene? Clarke, I tripped over and spilled my food everywhere. That was the most embarrassing moment of my life." Lexa says resisting the urge to hide behind her hands. Clarke nudges her playfully, grinning at the memory.

 

"Oh come on, you were a little more awkward back then, a little scrawnier than you are now," Clarke pokes Lexa's side as to prove her point and Lexa jumps at the action. "and kind of super cute. Anyway, I remember because I was sitting with Raven and O and they both weren't exactly your biggest fans. I didn't understand the rumours people spread about you because all I saw was an ordinary girl who was going through a hard time, and who was a little clumsy, and just needed someone. I don't know if you remember, but you looked at me for a moment and for that moment I pretty much stopped breathing." Lexa smiles because she did remember that day, aside from it being the most embarrassing moment of her life, it was also the moment she'd finally had the nerve to look at Clarke for the first time - she wasn't sure how she had found her in the sea of people there but she had and her blue eyes had caused her heart to leap out her chest.

 

"I stormed the hell out of there." Lexa remembers and Clarke laughs.

 

"Yeah, but I started noticing you around school more, and I kind of started to develop a crush." Clarke reveals. Lexa had always caught Clarke's eye, it was inevitable that she'd fall for the brunette.

 

"Well I fell for you way before then." Lexa says with a shrug. "Same year but before that whole cafeteria scene. I think it was in geometry, back when I actually cared about math, and we were in the same class, you were the quiet girl who was sitting at the front of the class, adorable blonde who was always paying attention, total opposite of me, kind, gentle, so good at math it was a little freaky, how could I not fall for you?" Lexa asks and Clarke shakes her head.

 

"So how come it took so long for either of us to finally get here? And how the hell did you know where I lived? Also, why me?"

 

"Did you even listen to what I said?" Lexa asks and Clarke fixes her with a serious look. "Fine, I knew where you lived because I may or may not have asked around about you and, erm, Abby told me stories about you whenever I was in the hospital. I felt like I knew you when we hadn't really exchanged more than a few words." Lexa answers. "I knew you'd help me, it’s in your nature to help people, but I also wanted it to _be_ you who helped me. It would give me a reason to start talking to you rather than other people about you."

 

"You sound like a stalker." Clarke comments and Lexa shoves her playfully.

 

"Shut up!" Lexa protests.

 

"To be fair, I never stopped talking about you to Raven and O, how do you think Raven knew I had the ‘hots’ for you?” Clarke puts air quotations around the word ‘hots’. “Not that it mattered much, you were a mystery to everyone, I had to just gather my information from what I saw." Lexa chuckles because that was true she didn't bother with anyone and kept her distance from them. "So how was therapy?" Clarke asks since she hadn't had the chance to ask her before - they had been pretty busy.

 

"Oh, it was good actually, my doctor’s surprisingly cool." Lexa replies. Clarke raises an eyebrow and Lexa grins at her. "It's not a woman, relax Clarke." Lexa jokes. "It's a guy and he's not totally terrible."

 

"You like him." Clarke says and Lexa scoffs.

 

"I do not." Lexa protests.

 

"Yes you do! I can't believe it, Lexa Woods actually likes someone."

 

"Okay, I take offence, I like lots of people." Lexa replies and Clarke raises her eyebrows. "Alright fine, but if you'd met him you'd like him too. He gets my sarcasm Clarke, do you understand how important that is?" Lexa questions playfully. Clarke nods her head, laughing at the question, before picking up her pen and taking the notebook back. She signs the picture before ripping it out and handing it to Lexa.

 

"Keep it will you?" Clarke says and Lexa takes it hesitantly.

 

"I don't want to take something you worked hard on-"

 

"Lexa, take the drawing." Clarke says with an eye roll. "Maybe you could put it up with your other pictures in your room."

 

"Deal." Lexa says standing up and placing the paper in her bag. Indra was her designated chauffeur, since she was being punished for being out all night again, but she knew it wouldn't last long - Indra was far too busy to keep tabs on Lexa. Clarke smiles and stops Lexa from picking her bag up by pulling her to her. Lexa's eyebrows shoot up when she feels Clarke's hands at the front of her jeans but before she can question Clarke on it she feels the blonde buttoning them up and then zipping them.

 

"Wouldn't want Indra seeing that." Clarke says and Lexa shakes her head in agreement.

 

"No way, she'll be thinking you’re using me for sex." Lexa mutters leaning down slightly. Without her boots, Lexa was about the same height as Clarke just a little bit taller - by about half an inch.

 

"Please," Clarke scoffs. "I wouldn't dream of using you for sex."

 

"Am I really that bad?" Lexa asks feigning hurt and Clarke smirks.

 

"No, you're quite the opposite actually." Clarke comments picking Lexa's leather jacket up. Her fingers momentarily skim over Lexa's tattoo on her arm casing Lexa to grin at the action.

 

"I can tell Costia to leave." Lexa whispers. "I told her she could stay when she had been injured and hurt but I can ask her to leave now if that would make you more comfortable." Clarke pauses looking up to connect with Lexa's eyes. Clarke could see she was being one hundred percent genuine, she wanted nothing more than to make Clarke happy, and that made Clarke's heart melt right in her chest. Lexa knew what she had done wrong, she was willing to fix it. and Clarke had always known she was secretly a good person.

 

"No." Clarke answers after a long moment of silence. She couldn't do that, no matter how much she disliked Costia, it wasn't right. "No, let her stay, it would be wrong just to kick her out when she's in need, but that doesn't mean I don't want her to leave the second she finds something else." Lexa smiles because it was a classic Clarke move - to be concerned and try to help someone who maybe didn't really deserve it.

 

"I promise." Lexa says resting her hand on her chest. A loud honking from outside startle the teens apart and Lexa chuckles, accepting her jacket, and quickly fixes her appearance so Indra wouldn't suspect anything. She scoops up her bag and hurries to the front door closely followed by Clarke. "I'll see you tomorrow." Lexa says opening the door.

 

"Of course." Clarke replies closing her eyes when she feels Lexa lean in and kiss her on the cheek. Lexa steps outside and Clarke calls after her. "And Lexa," Lexa turns around to look at her girlfriend. "I forgive you." Clarke tells her and Lexa nods her head a smile spreading across her face. Clarke smiles one last time before closing the door.

 

Lexa begins walking away towards where Indra was parked when her phone buzzes in her pocket. She fishes it out and stares down at the message she had received.

 

_[Roan a.k.a Dickhead] - Nia's planning to make her move soon. I'll send details as soon as I know more._

 

Lexa tucks it back in her pocket and let's out a long, content, sigh. Everything was falling into place: Lexa had a beautiful girlfriend, that she was certain she really didn't deserve, she was finally working through her grief, after years of shoving it down, and now she was going to take down her archenemy - something that she'd been meaning to do for a long time. She felt good. She felt better than good, she felt great, and no matter what Nia was planning Lexa was certain she could handle the ice bitch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Nia's planning some stuff which is never good but Clexa had some fun on the sofa which is always good, am I right? Also Monty is a little bean who is just too precious and for some reason I could totally see him being a therapist. I know you're all probably wondering who his husband is but, I will tell you one thing, it's not Jasper.


	17. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa asks Monty a burning question she has, Clarke has a surprise and Lexa finally comes face to face with Nia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm updating so soon after because I just had to write this so I hope you all enjoy! I'd also like to say a huge thank you for all the comments and kudos, you guys rock!

Monty was silent as Lexa sat on the sofa not making eye contact and glancing around the room at anything other than him. The only sound between them was the ticking of the wall clock and the occasional tap of the doctor's pen. Lexa had something to say, Monty could tell, she had came into his office with strides that told him she had a purpose and she'd even sat down with a look that told Monty she needed to get something off her chest but, instead, the brunette had sat silent for almost half an hour.

 

He wasn't one to rush patients, he was a strong believer that if you just waited then they'd gather up the courage they needed to ask whatever they wanted and then he could give the advice they seeked, but Lexa was different. Her stubbornness was admirable, if not a little annoying, she used sarcasm as a defensive mechanism, as well as humour, she was calm and hard to read most of the time, except for when she hadn't taken her medication, and she was all round a very strong person who Monty was certain could withstand anything.

 

Monty glances at the clock - _then again, thirty minutes was a little ridiculous_. "Do you think anyone could come back from killing someone?" Lexa asks almost startling Monty - he hadn't expected the brunette to speak up anytime soon never mind ask such a question. Monty frowns and sits further up in his chair.

 

"Well, that depends." He says. "Are we talking about murder, manslaughter, homicide or self defense?" He questions and Lexa sighs.

 

"I just mean killing someone." Lexa says. "What do you think that could do to a person?" Monty taps his pen while biting his lip at the question.

 

"Lexa, you understand that if I believe you to be harm to yourself or anyone else I'm at liberty to break our contract?" He asks because this kind of question really seemed like it wasn't hypothetical.

 

"I know." Lexa replies. "I'm just curious, psychologically, do you think anyone would be able to recover from killing someone else?" Lexa presses. Monty considers his answer for a moment, he wasn't sure what Lexa was thinking but he couldn't imagine the girl would ever kill someone, yes, she had a violent past but she was no killer - at least Monty didn't think so.

 

"I think it'd be easier to get over killing someone if you knew you had no choice in the matter, self defence, but if you kill someone purposely then you'd probably have a hard time accepting it." Monty says. "You'd probably start thinking that you’re someone else, a killer, you'd lose a part of your humanity because of it and maybe even forget who you are."

 

"My family has killed in the past." Lexa admits. "My father was closed off and cold, he killed, but my mom, she was so warm and kind and she opened him up. My dad was never more himself than when my mom was with him."

 

"Well that's the other part of the equation." Monty states and Lexa looks at him curiously. "If you have someone you care about to remind you of who you are, even after you don't know yourself, then you could lose yourself as much as you want because they're always there to pull you right back."

 

"So, hypothetically, if someone killed someone else and they kind of lost themselves but they had someone who always saw the good in them and loved them no matter what, they'd be able to get over killing someone much easier?" Lexa asks and Monty nods his head.

 

"Hypothetically that is." He reminds Lexa. "My husband, Nathan Miller, works in law enforcement, he's only ever had to shoot one person, and that was because it was absolutely necessary, and it took him a couple of days to feel normal again but I was there for him." Monty explains and Lexa looks at him in surprise.

 

"Wait, officer Miller?" Lexa asks.

 

"You know him?" Monty asks equally as surprised as Lexa.

 

"Well he's arrested me a couple of times but he's always the coolest cop if you're in trouble." Monty chuckles at that. "One time he brought me coffee, after he arrested me for underage drinking, told me I needed to sober up at least a little bit before my aunt got there. He probably saved me two weeks of being grounded."

 

"That sounds like Miller." Monty says with a laugh. The guy acted all tough but really he had a big heart - especially for troubled teens. Monty did find it a little amusing that Lexa knew his husband, it was a weird coincidence, but he liked it - he felt closer to his patient now. Lexa shifts at the change of pace she couldn't admit it out loud but Clarke was her person and, should her plan for Nia go to plan, she'd need Clarke to remind her of who she really was but, then again, maybe Lexa was different. Maybe killing Nia wouldn't affect her. Killing was just that: _killing_. She would be able to move on, especially if it was someone like Nia, right?

 

Lexa's phone buzzes and she quickly grabs it from her pocket.

 

_[Sunshine <3] - Come over. I have a surprise. _

 

Lexa smiles down at the screen and Monty, who had been watching the whole thing, smiles knowingly. "Is that Clarke?" He asks. He still hadn't talked to Lexa about her but he knew a love sick smile when he saw one. Lexa looks up at Monty, seemingly remembering where she was after forgetting for a moment, and nods.

 

"Yeah, she said she has a surprise for me." Lexa explains putting her phone back in her pocket. Monty sighs and glances at the clock for a moment.

 

"Well if that's all you wished to discuss I suppose I could let you go a little earlier... if you wish to go spend time with your girlfriend rather than be here with me." Monty says in a mock offended tone and Lexa grins at him.

 

"You're the best doc." Lexa says standing up. The doctor laughs and closes his notebook standing up and walking with Lexa to the door. "I'll see you later." She says.

 

"My door's always open if you need me." He assures and Lexa pauses for a moment before hugging the guy, it was brief but it was there, and Monty felt his chest warm up at the gesture. Lexa wasn't one for being touchy feely so he knew the hug meant a lot to her and he felt like he was actually making progress with the teenage girl who, not long ago, believed feelings should be hidden and suppressed in order to survive. For Lexa, however, she wasn't used to it. Not long ago she'd had one person she cared for deeply, two at the most, and now she had feelings flying all over the place: for her new friends, her sister, her cousin, even Indra, who was tough but who Lexa knew only wanted the best for her, and then Clarke, who was practically holding Lexa's heart in her hands, if anything should happen to Clarke then Lexa would be destroyed. She wasn't used to feeling but it meant that she was actually living and not just surviving. The brunette steps out of the office and hurries off to go meet her amazing girlfriend at her house.

 

Lexa arrives at the Griffin household shortly after leaving the hospital. Indra had given her free reign now to go wherever she wanted without needing to be driven around and so Lexa had been reunited with her bike. She enters the house without knocking since Clarke had already pretty much invited her and Abby's car was missing telling her the doctor was probably working or out somewhere else. "Clarke?" Lexa calls looking around to see if there was any sign of the blonde.

 

"In here!" Clarke calls from the kitchen. Lexa was very aware of the smoke coming from the kitchen as she began to walk down the short corridor to it and she stops in the doorway to see Clarke wafting at a pan that was on the stove.

 

"Clarke, what are you doing?" Lexa asks hurrying over to find that whatever Clarke had been cooking was now burnt beyond recognition. Lexa picks the pan up and moves it off the heat and Clarke lets out a loud sigh in defeat.

 

"I was trying to do something romantic for our official second date, you know since I won the fishing competition, but I failed miserably." Clarke says picking the pan up with a pout. Lexa laughs at the expression on Clarke's face - she looked so adorable it was unbelievable. Clarke trashes whatever was in the pan and throws it into the sink - not bothering to clean it. "I'm sorry I ruined your surprise." Clarke apologises and Lexa laughs shaking her head.

 

"What? No, you didn't ruin the surprise." Lexa reassures. She shrugs off her jacket to reveal she was wearing a loose tank top beneath and Clarke's eyes widen slightly before she controls herself - _seriously,_ her teenage hormones were through the roof _._ Lexa pulls Clarke to her, wrapping her arms around her waist, and Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa's middle hugging her tightly. The two stay in that embrace for a while, just enjoying the feeling and warmth of each other, until Clarke stirs and pulls back slightly but remains in Lexa's arms.

 

"Well I burnt the food, so now we have nothing to eat, this is probably the worst date ever." Clarke says and Lexa looks into her blue eyes for a moment before coming up with a plan.

 

"Alright, you stay here, I'll be a five minutes tops." Lexa says turning towards the door - she was even leaving her jacket telling Clarke that she really wouldn't be long.

 

"Wait, where are you going?" Clarke calls following her out onto the porch.

 

"It's a surprise princess but feel free to set up whatever movie you want." Lexa winks before hurrying off to go do whatever she had planned. Clarke shakes her head and heads back inside the house closing the door behind her. She grabs her favourite movie, The Lion King, and puts it in the DVD player before grabbing a few candles and lighting them on the coffee table, to give off a dim glow, and switching off the light to give a romantic feeling. She then grabs a blanket from upstairs and throws it over the couch so they could snuggle under it when Lexa got back.

 

Lexa returns holding two boxes of pizza and Clarke laughs at the sight before leading her into the living room. "You're my hero." Clarke says pecking Lexa on the cheek. The brunette grins placing the boxes on the coffee table and settling on the couch with her girlfriend. "I'm sorry about the food, I tried to cook you a romantic meal and we're stuck with pizza and the Lion King." Clarke comments gesturing to the food and the TV.

 

"Hey, pizza’s pizza, it's great, plus I happen to really enjoy the Lion King." Lexa says. She lifts her arm up and the blonde crawls underneath it allowing Lexa to wrap it around her and for Clarke to cuddle into her side. The two eat their pizza in silence while also watching the movie.

 

Lexa was enjoying just cuddling Clarke when she felt the blonde's grip on her tighten slightly. Lexa frowns in confusion before realising what was happening. "This scene always makes me cry." Clarke says watching as Mufasa tried to save his son from a tree. Lexa looks down at Clarke for a moment before lifting her chin up with her finger and kissing her on the lips. Clarke completely forgot about the TV, enjoying kissing Lexa far too much, she shifts slightly so she's practically sitting Lexa's lap, her thighs either side of Lexa's hips, as she deepens the kiss. Lexa lets out a soft moan at Clarke's dominance, usually, she wasn't as demanding as she was being right now. She feels Clarke's hands on her skin before she even registers what exactly is happening.

 

"Clarke." Lexa breathes leaning back from the kiss - she was panting lightly from the intensity of the kiss and the feeling of Clarke on her skin. "What is happening?" Lexa questions. Clarke lets out a soft chuckle, bringing her lips to Lexa's ear, before whispering seductively.

 

"Let me make up for dinner." Clarke says lowly sending a shiver through Lexa and, shamefully, causing a pulse of arousal in between her legs. Lexa could do nothing but nod her head allowing Clarke to grope and pull on clothing here and there. It was rare that Lexa gave in like she did with Clarke, normally she was the dominating one, but this time not so much. Clarke had her reduced to a pool of arousal and there was nothing she could do about it and she really didn't want to take control - she liked Clarke being in the driver's seat.

 

Then, just like that, Clarke was rolling off of her leaving her totally unsatisfied. Lexa lets out a whimper of disapproval and gives Clarke a pout causing the blonde to laugh. "Why would you do this to me?" Lexa asks clutching her chest in a dramatic way of saying ‘you wound me’.

 

"Sorry but my mom will be home soon and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to see her daughter groping her girlfriend." Clarke says. "Besides, the scene is over which means I'm no longer sad."

 

"Well _I'm_ sad." Lexa says feining grumpiness. "Get back over here Griffin." Clarke shakes her head.

 

"No way, you've had your share of Griffin today, you don't get anymore." Clarke says crossing her arms across her chest.

 

"Oh really?" Lexa asks. Clarke turns her head to see Lexa staring at her with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Clarke swallows nervously recognising that familiar look. Without warning she pounces on Clarke pinning her down and tickling her mercilessly. Clarke gasps before bursting out laughing writhing and thrashing to get out of Lexa's grasp. "Give up!" Lexa demands grinning at Clarke's hysterical laughing - she was even crying from laughing so hard.

 

"Never!" Clarke manages to choke out. Lexa steps up her game and Clarke responds by grabbing a cushion and hitting Lexa with it.

 

" _Ow_!" Lexa complains except it didn't really hurt. Clarke hits her again until the brunette's hands leave her body and she's trying to control her breathing still tingling from Lexa's invisible touch. Both teenagers’ heads snap towards the door when they hear someone clear their throat. Some time during their small war they had totally missed the fact that Abby had entered the living room. Lexa becomes flustered immediately, separating herself from Clarke, and Clarke blushes furiously at her mom who was just smirking at them.

 

"It's nice to see my daughter can hold her own." Abby comments coming into the living room and sitting between the teens.

 

"Of course I can." Clarke says brushing off her embarrassment - her mom was surprisingly cool about the whole situation. Lexa was still flustered and, honestly, Abby made her a little nervous when it came to Clarke. "Did you have a good date?" Clarke questions and Abby nods her head.

 

"Marcus was a perfect gentleman." Abby replies leaning forward and grabbing a slice of pizza.

 

"So I don't have to beat him up?" Clarke asks playfully and Lexa snorts at her statement. Clarke glares at her but her smile made it lose all menacing meaning.

 

"I'm just saying Clarke, you're a total nerd, like you would beat up our English teacher." Lexa teases and Clarke narrows her eyes.

 

"If you're implying I'm weak then I take full offence. I totally just owned _you_ with a pillow." Clarke replies.

 

"So now you're challenging me to a fight?" Lexa asks. Abby interrupts their staring competition with a laugh.

 

"You two are so cute," She says. "but I will not have my daughter fighting anyone, especially her girlfriend."

 

"That's fair, I suppose." Lexa says and Abby gives her a smile.

 

"So how are you? Is everything okay?" Abby was talking to Lexa now and Clarke was giving her a supportive thumbs up from her side of the sofa. Lexa pauses for a moment, everything was okay for once: Roan hadn't been in touch for a long time, so she had no clue when Nia was going to attack or what she was planning, but she couldn't worry too much because she had, reluctantly, put her trust in Roan to let her know when something was going down - she was, however, a little apprehensive. She was keeping Costia at an arm's length a little for Clarke but also for herself - she couldn't risk Costia betraying her and going back to Azgeda like she had once before.

 

"I'm good, therapy is going good." Lexa answers and Abby nods her head.

 

"Dr Green is very good, he's just so innocent, and he has this face that you just can't help but trust." Abby recalls and Lexa nods because that was true Monty was a trustworthy guy.

 

"He is pretty cool, which I don't say often about just anyone." Lexa says. Clarke begins getting details from her mom about her date when Lexa feels her phone buzzing in her pocket telling her she had a incoming call. She pulls it out to see Roan's number on the screen. Her heart speeds up anxiously, Roan would never call if it wasn't _very_ important. "Excuse me, I have to take this." Lexa says standing up from the couch. Abby and Clarke both look at her with concern but continue their conversation as the brunette steps away for a little privacy.

 

"Why are you calling me?" Lexa asks outright - there were no greetings or pleasantries - she needed to get right to the point without Roan's bullshit.

 

"Are you with your sister?" Roan asks ignoring Lexa's assertive and aggressive tone. Lexa looks around for a moment the question catching her off guard.

 

"No? Why?" Lexa asks and Roan curses from the other side.

 

"She's planning on taking your sister Lexa, I don't know when but soon, _very soon_." Roan tells Lexa. "I suggest you go find her before Nia does." Lexa doesn't respond because she felt the blood in her veins run cold. She hangs up the phone without saying goodbye and turns back towards the living room with her mouth open in shock and horror. Clarke looks at Lexa and immediately gets to her feet rushing over to the speechless brunette.

 

Clarke knew something was wrong - _seriously_ wrong - since Lexa was as pale as a sheet and she looked like she'd just seen a ghost. "I need to- I have to go." Lexa says turning on her heel and heading to the kitchen for her jacket. She pulls it on ignoring Clarke who was repeatedly asking her what was wrong.

 

"Lexa, slow down, tell me what's happening." Clarke says watching as her girlfriend was practically frantic.

 

"They're taking her." Lexa says not explaining very well. Abby was watching carefully too but there was very little she could do - if anyone could calm Lexa it was Clarke.

 

"Who's taking who?" Clarke asks as Lexa heads towards the front door.

 

"Nia, she's planning on taking Anya I have to get to her before that happens." Lexa explains. There was a ball of panic in her chest that was making it hard for her to breathe. Clarke freezes in her steps seemingly hit by the news just as hard as Lexa had been. "I was so stupid, thinking I could draw her out and attack, she never plays by the fucking rules, I should've known she'd play dirty." Lexa scolds herself. "Clarke," Lexa pauses, considering how everything could go wrong tonight, she had to do this. "I love you." Lexa says stepping forward and wrapping her arms around the blonde.

 

"I love you too." Clarke breathes burrowing her head in Lexa's chest. They stay like that until Lexa pulls away and kisses her on the lips making sure to convey everything she felt for the blonde every last emotion that she couldn't express in the fleeting moments she had before she really had to leave to get to Anya. She pulls away from the kiss that had Clarke's chest rising and falling rapidly; this felt too much like a goodbye for Clarke's liking especially with the way Lexa was gently caressing her cheek and staring into her eyes.

 

"May we meet again." Lexa says with a small smile. Clarke frowns slightly at the statement grasping Lexa's jacket material in her hand.

 

"We will." She says without a shred of a doubt. Lexa leans her forehead against Clarke's, they stay like that for a moment, before the brunette kisses her softly where her head had been resting and she's out the door in a flash. Clarke stares after the empty space Lexa had just been stood in: her heart was thumping in her chest with both worry and love. Lexa would fix everything, _she always does_ , Clarke reassures herself before going to call Raven to fill her in on what was happening.

 

Lexa was back at her house in record time and she was climbing the stairs searching for Anya but she was nowhere to be found. She kicks open the door to Anya's bedroom and freezes when she sees a piece of folded paper on the pillow of her bed. Lexa picks it up cautiously and unfolds it before reading it. There was an address written neatly at the top with a small message below. 'Be there by midnight. Come unarmed or your sister will pay for the consequences.' Lexa crumples the paper up in frustration wanting to hit something badly - _anything_ \- she felt like she was fighting a losing battle. Of course Nia went for Anya, she'd hurt Roan, Nia's brother, so it was only fitting that she'd go after Lexa's sister - an eye for an eye so to speak.

 

There was no one around the house, Indra was out, probably tending to business as usual, there was Costia, who Lexa hadn't been talking to, and then there was Lincoln. Lexa storms out of Anya's bedroom and to Lincoln's - which was settled on the opposite side of the hallway to her's.

 

She enters the room without knocking to find the big guy sprawled out on his stomach, head phones on, completely deaf to his surroundings. Lexa kicks his foot startling him and letting him know he wasn't alone. He pulls the headphones off and sits up to face Lexa who looked panicked. "What is it? What's wrong?" Lincoln asks urgently tossing aside whatever it had been that he was working on.

 

"They took Anya." Lexa throws the paper at Lincoln who catches it and reads it to himself quietly. He snaps his head up to find Lexa staring at him intently her eyes gleaming as though she had a plan. "You're coming with me." Lexa says grabbing her cousin’s jacket and tossing it at him.

 

"This is down at the docks, don't you think we should bring back up?" Lincoln asks.

 

"No." Lexa answers immediately because she knew what Nia really wanted and bringing more Trikru would make that almost impossible. "Just you. You trust me right?" Lexa asks.

 

"Of course I trust you Lex." He says pulling on his clothing and Lexa smiles sadly.

 

"Then trust me when I say this is what we have to do." She tells him and he nods in understanding. "We're taking your car." Lexa says because they'd need more seats if Anya was injured in anyway and a bike really wasn't practical for that.

 

"Yeah okay." Lincoln agrees.

 

Lexa stops in her tracks at the front door and turns around to face her cousin. "You're a good warrior Linc." Lexa says holding her hand out. "Never change." Lincoln looks at the outstretched hand then back up at Lexa who was giving him a look that made his stomach turn. It was _the_ look, the look that told Lincoln she was planning something that he wouldn't like. He takes Lexa's gesture, wrapping his hand around her forearm as she did the same, gripping it firmly as she shook it before Lincoln pulled on her and wrapped her in a bear hug. She felt so frail in his muscular frame but Lexa was hugging him with equal force before stepping back and exiting.

 

Something was happening, _obviously_ , but something in Lexa's head and that was never good. He follows after Lexa ready to go save his other cousin from the pesky Azgeda who were really starting to get on his nerves.

 

Lexa and Lincoln step out of the car at the docks a few minutes before midnight. It was raining and the ground even had some puddles from the rainfall. It was a little cold compared to other nights but, most of all, it was quiet - _too_ quiet. Lexa begins walking forward, her boots making a distinctive noise as she did so, with the water beneath them squelching, and Lincoln follows closely behind. No weapons, that had been the rules, but that didn't mean those rules applied to the Azgeda.

 

Lexa stops when a bright light floods the dark area momentarily blinding the brunette. When she blinks her eyes back open she finds themselves surrounded by Azgeda each one holding a gun to them. The lights that had come on were the overhead lights that gave off a brilliant bright white light that was, in Lexa's opinion,  just a little over top with its brightness. Lexa holds her hands out and Lincoln copies the gesture. "Come on Nia, I'm here!" Lexa yells her voice echoing. The Azgeda surrounding her were like statues, stuck in position, holding their guns and training them on the two Trikru members. "You wanted me to come before midnight, I did! You wanted me to come unarmed, I did! Now where the hell is my sister!" Lexa yells again. That's when Lexa sees her.

 

Nia emerges from behind a nearby container dragging an injured looking Anya with her but she didn't look seriously hurt. Anya was limping, she was also bleeding from her nose and it looked like she'd taken a few hits to the face as well as her body. She lazily lifts her head and sees Lexa looking at her in horror and Lincoln holding her shoulders to keep her still. Nia grins evilly at the pair stood in the circle of Azgeda and pushes Anya forward so she lands in front of Lexa.

 

Lexa crouches immediately, removing the gag from Anya's mouth and checking her over.  She had a stab wound to the leg but, other than that, she seemed to have sustained only minor injuries - Lexa could see that they mimicked Roan's injuries almost perfectly. "What are you doing here Lexa?" Anya hisses. Lexa laughs softly removing the rope that was tied around her sister’s wrists.

 

"No man left behind remember?" Lexa asks. Lincoln joins the pair, crouching down low, to really check Anya over - he was, after all, quite skilled in the medical profession compared to Lexa so he would know what to do.

 

"We should get her back home." Lincoln says. Lexa slows her movements for a second, but neither miss the action, they both look at her not understanding what was wrong.

 

"Lexa." Anya says her voice sounding suspiciously like a warning. "What are you planning?"

 

"Well nothing of course." Nia chimes from her position outside the circle. "She knows what I want, and I'm assuming she's willing to give it to me since she hasn't attempted to leave yet." Lexa sighs and avoids eye contact with her sister and Lincoln.

 

"What is she talking about?" Anya asks and Lexa could see the panic now in her sister that Lexa had had merely a few moments ago for her. Lincoln was giving her the same look but he looked just a little bit ticked off because he should have known Nia wouldn't let them out of this without paying a price.

 

"Lincoln, you'll have to carry her she can't walk." Lexa says stepping back from them both. Lincoln picks Anya up bridal style but Anya’s gaze was fixed on her sister - who was just a little too close to Nia for her liking.

 

"Lexa-" Anya begins only to be cut off by Nia.

 

"Bound her." She orders. Two Azgeda step forward and grab Lexa's arms before tying rope securely around her wrists - the brunette grunts when the final knot is put in because the rope was really freaking tight.

 

"Lexa, what are you _doing_?" Anya repeats trying to wiggle out of Lincoln's arms but he was strong and Lexa was giving him a look that told him to go.

 

"It's okay Anya, Lincoln's going to take care of you." Lexa reassures staring at the broad guy. He shakes his head in disbelief and takes a step forward only to have the Azgeda point their guns at him.

 

"We can't leave you behind." Lincoln says and Nia snorts from her position - Lexa ignores her and focuses on Lincoln.

 

"You have to leave me, _please_ , just go make sure Anya's safe. I'll be fine, I promise." He sways on his feet, obviously not convinced, but there was nothing he could do - Lexa was bound, there were at least five Azgeda members with guns trained on him and Anya could barely stand.

 

"I'll come back for you." Lincoln vows. "We all will." He addressed that to Nia and the evil woman just laughed.

 

"Who's to say there’ll even be anything of her left for you to come back to?" Nia asks and Lexa closes her eyes, resisting the urge to grimace at that image, Lincoln's jaw clenches and a chill runs down Lexa's spine - she wasn't afraid of dying but that didn't mean that Nia was actually going to kill her.

 

"What? No, we're not leaving you." Anya says squirming in Lincoln's grip but he was far too strong for her to get anywhere. He backs away slowly, keeping eye contact with the brunette for as long as possible. "Lexa..." Anya calls out and Lexa swallows thickly watching as her friends left her with the enemy. This had to be done, there was no other way, sometimes you must make sacrifices and this was Lexa's sacrifice.

 

" _Nou get yu daun hashta ai_." Lexa says with a small nod at her sister. She stops squirming and Lincoln turns on his heel heading away from Lexa completely. Anya watches over Lincoln's shoulder as Lexa became harder and harder to see before she could no longer see her and Lincoln was placing her on the backseat of a car.

 

"Lincoln, we can't just leave her!" Anya protests from the back but he was already driving away.

 

"I can't let you die either, and if we don't get your leg looked at, that might just happen." Lincoln says. He was tense, not able to believe himself that they had just left Lexa like that: in the clutches of the enemy for them to do anything they desired to her. "Lexa can handle herself." Lincoln reassures himself. "She'll be fine." He whispers glancing at Anya, in the rearview mirror, who was on the backseat. "Where does Clarke live?" Lincoln asks and Anya looks at him.

 

"We have to go back." Anya says ignoring the question.

 

"There's nothing we can do!" Lincoln yells feeling just as frustrated as Anya did - Lexa was his family too, it hurt him just as much. "Now tell me where Clarke lives so her mom can patch up your fucking leg." Anya reluctantly tells him and Lincoln heads towards that direction.

 

Nia was grinning almost too smugly - like she was pleased to have a brand new pet. The Azgeda had cleared out somewhat, leaving behind only two guards to handle Lexa, but since she was bound there was little she could do. Lexa pushes on the rope grunting at the pain she felt when it rubbed against her skin. "Rope? Really Nia? How very old school of you." Lexa says sarcastically - it was just like her, to be sarcastic even in the face of certain death.

 

One of the Azgeda kicks Lexa painfully hard in the back of her leg causing her to fall to her knees with a grunt. Nia grins cruelly and steps towards Lexa who was beginning to feel the dread of her situation sink in. Nia lowers herself to Lexa's level, coming face to face with the brunette. "I knew you'd come." Nia teases. She was so close to Lexa's face that the brunette could feel her breath brush over her skin - and it was just as icy as her personality. "You care too much, you just had to save your big sister, and here you are, _you_ , you're definitely going to suffer for thinking you could beat me." Nia points her finger at Lexa's chest, digging hard into her shirt, and Lexa grimaces from the pressure. "Any last words, _Lexa kom Trikru_?" Nia asks. Lexa looks up from the finger that was digging into her chest and stares into Nia's eyes, reflecting her hate for the ice bitch as much as she could, before spitting at her.

 

"Fuck you." Lexa growls. Nia jumps back in surprise, and wipes her face in disgust, before turning back to Lexa, her eyes were angrier than ever before and her face contorted into a snarl.

 

"Take her away." Nia orders but not before kicking Lexa right in the jaw. The brunette falls backwards, landing on her back on the wet and hard concrete floor, she spits out the blood that had flooded her mouth and let's out a low chuckle. The two Azgeda grab her under her arms and drag her along the ground towards wherever. Lexa had her hands tied in front of her, and her head falls forward dizzy from the kick, but still felt her sarcastic side kick in.

 

"Is that all you got!" Lexa yells. "I've had slaps harder than that!" Nia was tempted to storm back over and give Lexa another kick but she'd get what was coming to her - and very soon

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess shit really did hit the fan :P Well done to everyone who guessed Miller was Monty's husband because we all know #Minty should be real. Also, y'all were right to be cautious of the 'everything is falling into place' goodness so kudos to all you. Lexa's a tough cookie though so I wouldn't worry too much. Let me know what you think!
> 
> "Nou get yu daun hashta ai." = Don't worry about me.


	18. Hammer Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's determined to find Lexa, Lexa spends time with the Azgeda and things finally come to blow with Nia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's a new chapter for y'all and I hope you enjoy it! I should probably warn you all though that there will be strong scenes of violence. Enjoy!

Raven was pacing the whole floor of Clarke's living room while she waited. They hadn't heard anything from anyone and for all Raven knew Anya had been taken by the Azgeda and they were torturing her - or worse. "Raven, I'm sure she's fine." Clarke says from the sofa. Abby was sitting with her daughter just as concerned for Raven as she was for Anya. 

 

"What if she's not? What if we never see her again?" Raven asks. Her chest felt tight, like it was hard for her to breathe, and everything was just too overwhelming for her. Clarke looks at her mom for support and the doctor nods her head standing up from the sofa and stopping Raven in her tracks. Abby places her hands on Raven’s shoulders and smiles reassuringly at her. 

 

"Hey, Anya will be fine, okay, Lexa wouldn't let anything happen to her, trust me." Abby says gently. Raven stares at her for a moment before letting out a sigh and relaxing, only ever so slightly, because, yeah, Lexa wouldn't let anything happen to Anya. Raven hugs Abby roughly and Abby wraps her arms around her, trying to give her some kind comfort, when someone bursts through the front door. All three of them hurry to the front room to find Lincoln carrying a very out of it Anya in his arms. 

 

"I need your help." He says looking at Abby. 

 

"Bring her in here." She orders. 

 

"Anya." Raven breathes following after them. Abby, Lincoln, Raven and Anya all hurry into the living room leaving Clarke standing waiting for Lexa to come through the door.  _ Any second now _ , Clarke assures herself, _ where is she? _ Clarke couldn't even hear any movement, the only sound coming from outside was the sound of rain, and a cold breeze was hitting Clarke making her heart beat that much more prominent.  _ She's coming. She has to be. _ Clarke waits just a little bit longer when it becomes obvious that Lexa really wasn't coming. 

 

She storms into the living room, her stomach churning, she felt sick, she had a feeling she wouldn't want to know the truth but she had to know where Lexa was. "Where's Lexa?" Clarke asks causing all movements to cease. Anya was positioned on the sofa with  Abby working on stitching up the wound on her leg when her daughter had asked the question. She stops, looks at her for a moment, her eyes full of sadness and concern, before she had to focus her attention back on Anya. Raven was beside Abby, holding Anya's hand firmly in her own, gently kissing it every now and again and Anya herself was barely awake. Lincoln was standing to one side, his arms folded across his chest as he watched on. He turns around and meets Clarke's eyes and she instantly knows the answer. 

 

"Clarke." He says carefully. 

 

"No." Clarke shakes her head her heart all but stopping in her chest. _ This was not happening - Lexa would walk through the door any minute and make some stupid comment on how worried she must have been about her. _

 

Clarke hurries out to the front porch, she didn't know where she was going, she didn't even know where Lexa had been taken, but she had to try. "Clarke wait." Lincoln calls. Clarke whirls around - she didn't even care she was being soaked right through to the bone by the rain. 

 

"How could you just leave her!" Clarke yells. She angrily pushes Lincoln but he barely even stumbles. "She would've  _ never  _ left you! How could you  _ do  _ that to her!" Clarke hits him on the chest,  _ pounds  _ him multiple times, and Lincoln takes each hit his heart breaking at the sight of Clarke but also at the words she was saying because it was true. 

 

He let her hit him until she had no more energy left, until she was kneeling on the ground as the the rain hit her full force, Clarke could taste the saltiness of her tears mixed in with the rain water - she felt completely helpless - Lexa was  _ gone _ . Lincoln crouches down in front of her, gently resting his hand comfortingly on Clarke's shoulder. "It's going to be okay." He says softly. "Lexa is strong, she can withstand anything, the whole of Trikru will not rest until we find her." Lincoln vows. "I've already told Indra, they're searching for her as we speak." 

 

"You can't do anything if she's in Azgeda territory." Clarke says sounding completely heartbroken. 

 

"We have an inside man." Lincoln informs Clarke. "He doesn't know Lexa's whereabouts yet but he's respected. I find it hard to believe that he won't eventually be told where she's being held." 

 

"Who is this guy?" Clarke asks looking up. "Who's your inside man?" Lincoln's eyes were impossibly soft, she could see the underlying hurt in them, he was just as torn up about Lexa's disappearance as she was. 

 

"His name is Tristan." Lincoln informs Clarke and Clarke couldn't believe the dickhead, who had rammed into Raven in the hall, who had given Lexa a lot of shit, was on their side - not for one second. 

 

"You're kidding." Clarke says and Lincoln shakes his head.

 

"He has his reasons but I don't expect you to understand." Lincoln says. Clarke lets out a dry, harsh, laugh and gets to her feet. 

 

"We need to be out there looking for her! We have to be doing  _ something _ !" Clarke yells and Lincoln thought maybe she was going to beat him again but, instead, she just looked downright pissed. 

 

"There's nothing more we can do than what Trikru is already doing." Lincoln assures. "We need to be here for Anya tonight then we can look for her, I promise." Clarke looked unconvinced by his words so he takes a deep breath and forces Clarke to look at him. "Lexa traded herself for Anya, let's not let her sacrifice go to waste." Clarke stares at him, his words hitting her like a punch to the gut, Lexa was out there alone and with the Azgeda - God knows what they were doing to her - but Clarke also knew Lincoln was right. 

 

Clarke heads back into the house, not caring that she was drenched, and enters the living room to see Anya was awake now talking quietly to Raven. Her leg was bandaged and the cuts on her face had been cleaned and the bleeding had stopped. Anya sits up more when she sees Clarke. "We have to go after her." Anya says. It was obvious she had been arguing with Raven over the matter since the mechanic shook her head at the statement. "Clarke we have to go back for her, you understand right?" 

 

Abby was drying her hands on a towel as she entered the living room. Clarke was covered in rain water, her eyes were red rimmed and it was clear to Abby that she had been crying. Lincoln was stood behind her, covered in a sheen of water himself and looking very down in the dumps. "No." Clarke replies her voice was hoarse and dry. "Lincoln's right, Raven's right, we can't do anything tonight for her, your leg is injured and you can barely walk, it's probably best we all get some rest and search for her in the morning." Clarke reasons and Anya throws her head back in frustration. 

 

"I can't just lie here and do nothing!" Anya yells. 

 

"You think this is easy for me?" Clarke asks. "I love Lexa,” Clarke swallows thickly. “and it's killing me to stand here and not go after her but I know that's not what she would want." Clarke says her eyes watering once again. "We need to rest, and then we can discuss what to do in the morning when you can actually walk." Raven hands Anya some pain meds and the girl narrows her eyes at Clarke. She didn't like that plan one bit, honestly, Clarke didn't like that plan either but they both knew it was necessary. Anya takes the meds and leans her head back before closing her eyes. 

 

" _ Stop _ , please, stop." Lexa begs holding her hands up in front of her face to shield herself from another attack. The Azgeda goon stops mid swing acknowledging that Lexa was at the end of her tolerance. She was bloody and bruised, her eye was half shut and she no longer had the strength to keep herself upright. Lexa leans her head on the ground groaning in pain; she spits out the metallic taste of blood in her mouth when she hears the door open. 

 

Lexa doesn't bother to look at who it is, she didn't have the strength anyway, she just stayed lying on the ground feeling herself slowly drift off. That was until she was grabbed by her already ruined shirt and yanked into a chair. "Begging really doesn't suit you Lexa." Nia comments pulling her own chair in front of Lexa. 

 

"Hm." Lexa grunts her head was hanging low and she barely even flinched when the Azgeda guard, who had just been beating Lexa senseless, tied her hands behind her back - the pain paled compared to what she had endured over the past twenty four hours. 

 

"This is how this works, we beat you, you tell them to stop, then you tell us who was supplying you with information." Nia tells Lexa lifting her head up to look at her. "We both know it was someone, you just have to tell me their name." 

 

"Why would I do that?" Lexa asks. "I tell you what you want and what's holding you back from killing me?" Lexa questions and Nia nods her head. 

 

"Nothing." Nia admits. "You've nearly outlived your usefulness, you're nearly at the end of your tolerance of pain," Nia digs her thumb into the wound on Lexa's shoulder, so as to prove her point, and Lexa cries out. "we both know you're going to tell me, so you might as well just say it and save us both some time." Nia wipes her thumb on her pants. Lexa looks up and notices a woman standing in the corner of the room. She didn't look like the warmest person but Lexa had seen scarier looking people. 

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Lexa replies clenching her jaw in protest. Nia purses her lips, staring intently at the brunette in the chair, she had to admit that Lexa sure was stubborn and her ability to withhold information was admirable. 

 

"Huh." Nia says before letting out a theatrical sigh. "Maybe that pretty blonde you're so fond of knows... what's her name again Echo?" Nia turns to the woman in the corner. 

 

"Clarke." She answers. Lexa's heart hammers in her chest at the mention of Clarke's name. 

 

"Oh, that's right,  _ Clarke _ ." Nia all but sneers the name and Lexa jolts forward only to be pulled back down to her seat by her restraints. 

 

"You'll leave Clarke out of this." Lexa snarls. "She hasn't done anything to you!" 

 

"True, very true," Nia says standing up. "I hate to have to sacrifice innocents just because someone isn't willing to give me what I want." She kicks her chair aside and walks towards the door. "I suppose I could give the torture one more go. Echo is very...  _ creative  _ with her techniques." Nia says grinning her classic grin. Lexa lets out a frustrated yell trying to free herself from her bounds but she barely had the strength to lift her head never mind escape rope. 

 

"I will kill you!" Lexa yells after Nia. "Mark my words!" She slumps back in her seat and watches as Echo pulls a table into the room that was covered with lots of various different knives -  _ there was even a damn hammer _ . She takes a seat in front of Lexa, ignoring the table of utensils she had just brought in, and stares at the brunette. 

 

Lexa was already in a bad shape: her hair was stuck to her face by dried blood (and fresh blood), she was littered in cuts and bruises and yet the girl's eyes showed nothing but pure determination - Echo had to admire that. Lexa was loyal, that was for sure, but her loyalty was going to get her killed if she didn't give up what they wanted to know and Echo wasn't one for not following orders - no matter how much she didn't want to break the girl's spirit. "I just want you to know that I really don't want to do this to you." Echo voices crossing her leg over the other one. She grabs a knife from the table and plays with it absentmindedly much like Lexa did with her pen knife -  _ her pen knife _ ! 

 

"Then don't." Lexa offers and Echo lets out a breathy laugh. 

 

"I wish it were that simple." She replies. "Just say the name Lexa and this can all stop." Echo urges and Lexa could see she really didn't want to do what she had to do. Lexa clamps her mouth shut and Echo sighs, feeling exasperated, she left her with no choice. 

 

She stands up, grabs two smaller blades from the table as well as the knife she was already holding, and comes closer to Lexa. Lexa squirms, she'd sustained enough knife injuries to know that they did not feel good. Echo shakes her head once before bringing her fist down on Lexa's thigh stabbing the smaller blade right into it. Lexa lets out a howl of pain and Echo repeats the process by stabbing another small blade in Lexa's opposite leg. " _ Ah _ , you bitch." Lexa growls letting out loud, harsh, breaths of pain. Echo brings her big blade up to Lexa's collarbone. 

 

"A name." She demands. Lexa looks at her with a smirk on her lips. 

 

" _ Jok yu _ ." Lexa spits and Echo drags the blade across Lexa's skin. This time she doesn't yell out but Echo could see the pain etched in her face and she was sweating, obviously, trying to keep it at bay. 

 

"I'll repeat my question shall I? And none of that bullshit language." It wasn't like Echo didn't speak it she just felt like it gave Lexa an edge when she really didn't have one. 

 

"I'm not telling you shi-" Lexa stops talking as Echo drags the knife over her exposed arm drawing more blood and causing more pain. Lexa's blood was quite dark, compared to most, it trickles down her arm and begins a steady stream to the ground causing a small poodle to form below her. Echo stares at the brunette, she looked exhausted, and her legs were twitching from the knives that were stuck in them, but she seemed, ultimately, unfazed. 

 

"How about we try something else?" 

 

Anya was still unable to walk, or to be of any use really, so she was stuck on the Griffin couch with Abby who was watching over her. Raven didn't want to leave her but she also wanted to find her friend and Anya supported her decision - wanting as many people as possible looking for Lexa. 

 

Abby felt uneasy sending her daughter away on a mission that could possibly endanger her life but Lincoln had assured her it was a simple recon and if they happened to find something then they'd return and tell their findings to the Trikru so they could take it from there. Abby also knew that Clarke needed to do something to get her mind off the matter. She could tell that she'd barely slept and she was afraid that if Clarke didn't at least try to do something then she'd beat herself up if the worse should come to the worst. Abby didn't know much about the Azgedas, they were scarce in the hospital which made her think they probably had their own medical care or they were so tough they rarely got hurt, then again, Trikru were rare too - it seemed only Lexa enjoyed coming into the hospital. 

 

The trio leave the house early in the morning and drive to the place where everything went down: the docks. Clarke was being very quiet, which was concerning to Raven, and Lincoln was also being quiet and Raven didn't deal well with quiet situations. The drive had been awkward, at least to her since the silence made her feel uncomfortable, but Lincoln was a sensible driver and it was pleasant enough. 

 

The docks were deserted, apparently someone had paid the workers off for the whole day, which wasn't only just suspicious but a little weird, why would the Azgeda want the dock empty? Unless Nia found it to be some kind of sick joke, like, she knew they'd return and look for Lexa only to find that she was nowhere to be found. 

 

Lincoln was first out the car, walking towards where they had been ambushed by the Azgeda, Clarke follows closely behind him, pulling her jacket around herself tighter from the breeze that cut through the air. Lincoln stops when he spots a small splatter of dried blood on the ground which was strange since he thought the rain would've washed it away. Clarke stares down at it, that sick feeling returning to her stomach that she had had the previous night when Lincoln had first told her about Lexa's disappearance. "We should split up and take a look around." Lincoln says moving on from the blood. 

 

Clarke heads a few feet away disappearing behind a container before she felt safe enough to lean against the hard metal and slide down to the ground. Her knees were shaking, her palms were sweating and she just felt completely overwhelmed with worry, fear and just a longing for Lexa to be with her. Her heart was beating hard against her chest, rattling it, and Clarke was finding it hard to breathe. 

 

Raven rounds the corner to find her best friend on the ground, her knees to her chest as she took deep breaths, she looked frightened and scared and Raven instantly knew she was having a panic attack. "Clarke." Raven says softly. She steps towards her friend and sits down beside her not even caring about how cold the ground was or the coolness of the metal container that they were leaning against. "I'm here." Raven says from Clarke's shoulder not attempting to touch her or patronise her, that wouldn't help, she knew it would pass and Clarke knowing that Raven was there, should she need her, was enough to steady her friend's breathing ever so slightly. 

 

Eventually, Clarke's breathing became more regular and her iron grip on her legs loosened as her heart rate returned to a more regular beat. She turns to face Raven, her eyes on the brink of tears, and Raven wordlessly wraps her arm around Clarke's shoulder and the blonde shuffles until she's pressed against Raven’s side with her head resting against her head. Clarke lets out a long, shaky, sigh. "She's all alone out there." Clarke breathes. 

 

"I'm sure she's fine. If there's anything Lexa's good at... it’s surviving." Raven replies. 

 

"This time it's different." Clarke says. "What if she's not okay? What if they've already killed her? What if-" Clarke chokes up feeling her throat tighten at the thoughts. 

 

"Hey, you can't think like that." Raven says. "I bet she's being her ever sarcastic, charismatic, self. She'll be okay. She has to be." Raven says certainly and Clarke almost wanted to believe her. 

 

Echo twists one of the knives that she had previously stabbed into Lexa's leg, causing the brunette to writhe in pain, she lets out a long pained scream at the sensation. The pain was unimaginable but Echo would really have to try better than that if she wanted to break her. "Alright, let's try this again." Echo says twisting both knives at the same time. 

 

" _ Arrgh _ ." Lexa pants letting out short pained breaths as the blades teared at her skin. Her head drops down feeling exhausted and unable to take anymore pain - she was pretty sure there was a river of blood below her now. Her shirt was torn and bloody, her pants completely ruined and she didn't even want to think about what her actual appearance looked like. 

 

Echo sighs before slapping Lexa on the cheek to wake her up. The brunette was close to passing out from exhaustion - or pain. Lexa groans, reluctantly lifting her head to look at the Azgeda woman, and Echo stares at her for a moment before leaning back in her seat. "Do you know what my favourite song is?" She questions lightly and Lexa looks at her in disbelief. 

 

"I don't know, is it, go fuck yourself by you're a piece of shit?" Lexa asks and Echo lets out a short laugh of amusement. 

 

"You're funny." Echo comments resting her hands on the blades and pulling them right out of Lexa's thighs. Lexa hisses at the action feeling more blood pour from the wounds. Echo tosses the blades onto the table she had brought in before; they were coated in a layer of Lexa's blood and Echo didn't even bother to clean them or care that the blood was dripping on her other utensils. "We'll see how long that lasts." Echo says reaching for something else off of the table. 

 

She brings the hammer in front of her and makes a show of hitting it off her hand for a second with Lexa watching her cautiously. "Anyway, it's Hammer Time by MC Hammer." Echo says with a shrug. 

 

"Wow, cute, how long you been sitting on that one?" Lexa asks raising her eyebrows. Echo laughs again, standing up from her chair, she cuts the rope binding Lexa's hands and pulls the chair out from underneath her. Lexa lands, with a grunt, on her back hitting her head quite hard off the ground. 

 

"I'm curious Lexa, why are you defending this person who probably wouldn't do the same for you?" Lexa was sprawled out on the floor: her arms extended to the sides and her legs open - leaving her, essentially, in a starfish potion. 

 

"No, they wouldn't," Lexa admits. "but I happen to have more integrity." 

 

"You realise Nia will take Clarke if that's what it comes to?" Echo asks crouching down close to Lexa's face. 

 

"She won't even get close." Lexa says her green eyes darkening slightly with rage. "Trikru would've surrounded her with its best members by now, there'd be no getting to her." Lexa says - and by best members she literally meant Lincoln and Anya. 

 

"You love her?" Echo observes. 

 

"With all my pathetic heart." Lexa replies with a lopsided grin at the thought of Clarke. 

 

"I appreciate that you believe that people like us can have love." Echo says standing back up. "It almost makes me feel like I might have a future with someone." 

 

"You could." Lexa says. "You just have to open yourself up to the possibility." Echo pauses in her step stopping at Lexa's left arm. 

 

"I wish that was true." Echo says sadly and, if she hadn't just spent the last few hours torturing Lexa, she might have felt bad for the girl. "Do you see just how open you've left yourself? How vulnerable you are? The more people you love the more people you have who eventually just become targets on your back." 

 

"At least I'm not alone." Lexa replies and that's when she feels Echo grab her arm holding it in place. 

 

"Give me a name Lexa." Echo demands and Lexa closes her eyes in protest. The Azgeda girl wastes no time and slams the hammer down on Lexa's arm easily shattering the bone below. Lexa jolts up in pain, squirming to get out of Echo's grasp, but it was useless she was far too weak and now she definitely had a broken arm. "Give me a name!" Echo yells in frustration ignoring Lexa's tears that were falling from her eyes and the bloodcurdling scream she had just let out as of a result of her. 

 

"Never." Lexa says. Her voice was strained and she was in obvious pain yet she still wasn't giving up a name. Echo stands up, releasing Lexa's broken arm and allowing the brunette to cradle her arm to her chest. Echo snarls at the brunette before bringing the hammer down on her kneecap and Lexa lets out another howl before it cuts off suddenly. 

 

Echo stares down at the broken Trikru girl who had finally passed out after enduring such physical trauma. Echo drops the hammer on the tray and pulls it out with her as she leaves. "Send Tristan to tend to her." She tells the guard at the door before strutting off to take care of other business.

 

Lincoln had left a while ago to go help the Trikru in their search of Lexa but nothing had changed. Clarke found it a little unbearable that they were relying on Tristan, of all people, to supply them with information. 

 

Anya had slept for the batter half of the whole day on the couch but now she was clearly bored and agitated. She could walk now but Abby insisted that she rest for longer and, since they were kind of at a stand still, Anya had reluctantly agreed - although Clarke thought having Raven there with her was probably a big factor in her choice to stay. 

 

Octavia had even joined them and they were all sitting in the living room with the TV playing, mostly to itself, and a pizza sat on the coffee table that anyone barely touched. It was funny really. Clarke hadn't noticed how much life Lexa brought to a room, or how much she contributed to their easy going atmosphere, things were tense and a little awkward and she could really do with one of Lexa's sarcastic comments to lighten the mood but she wasn't there. 

 

Octavia was the first to break - the silence too much for her to handle. "Okay, there's no need for us to sit here and mope. How about we talk about the good things?" 

 

"Like what?" Anya asks raising an eyebrow. Raven, who had Anya sitting over the top of her with one of her arms around her neck while the other gently tickled Anya’s arm that was resting on one of her legs, leans forward and nudges Anya on the head gently with her own. 

 

"We could talk about the good times, you know, even though Lexa's not here we can make it seem like she's here." Octavia encourages. Clarke appreciated what she was doing, she knew Octavia meant well, but no one made a move to begin falling into yet another silence until Abby spoke up. 

 

"Lexa's the bravest kid I know." Abby says. "Her temper is amazing really, she even has the nerve to mouth off to police officers, and she always has some kind of sarcastic comment up her sleeve." 

 

"She is pretty good at that." Raven says with a chuckle. "Man, I miss my best friend, she's way cooler than any of you dorks." 

 

" _ Hey _ !" A chorus of protests goes up and Anya glares at Raven playfully. "It was like an instant connection between us, she brought the looks and I brought the charm." 

 

"Lexa's charming." Clarke comments and Raven grins. 

 

"I know, she's like the gay Romeo." Raven says. "God she's such a hopeless romantic, what happened to you?" Raven addresses the question to Anya and the girl playfully slaps her across the top of the head causing Raven to laugh. 

 

"Lexa's apart of our group. I know I was probably the most reluctant one out of all of us but she really has become one of us... our friend." 

 

"Well I don't know who you guys are talking about because my sister is totally annoying and she's made my life a living hell especially when she runs off without telling me." Anya says but it was light and teasing obviously she loved Lexa but Anya wasn't one to express her feelings like that. 

 

"I miss her." Clarke mumbles from her position on the floor, due to the limited seating, she was sat with her back against the couch and her head resting on her knees with her arms wrapped around herself. "I miss her so much, everything about her, the way she smiles a little lopsided, that smile that's actually genuine, the way she always wants to cuddle, her warmth, her smell, her desire to make sure I'm okay, her gentle side, her rougher side, just  _ everything _ . I love her." Clarke says. The sentence hangs in the air for a long moment, no one exactly sure what to say in response, when the front door bursts open. 

 

Lexa wakes with a start jumping when she feels coolness of water hit her feverish skin. "Woah, hey, Lexa, it’s me." A familiar voice reassures. Lexa blinks a couple of times - the pain she felt all around her body was numbing her mind slightly - before a familiar guy comes into focus. 

 

"Tristan?" Lexa asks. The guy smiles ever so slightly and squeezes out the damp cloth he had been using to dab at her wounds. 

 

"The one and only." He replies glancing at the door. "Hey, you guys can go on a break, she's not going anywhere with this busted up knee, and I can handle her if she tries anything." He calls to the guards. They look through the door hesitantly and Tristan gives them one look before they nod their heads in understanding and scurry off to go take a break - or whatever Azgeda do when they're not guarding prisoners. 

 

He silently sets back to work handing Lexa another cloth so she could also work on her injuries. "Lincoln knows where you are." Tristan whispers lowly - he had told the guards to leave but that didn't mean that they weren't lingering around out there. Lexa looks at him in surprise wincing when she places the cloth over her broken left arm - she was glad she was right handed otherwise that could’ve been a problem. "Don't act so surprised, I was Trikru before I was ever Azgeda, remember?" He asks applying something that stung like a bitch to Lexa's cuts and bruises. 

 

"Of course I remember, but you expect me to believe you're just switching sides?" Lexa asks grunting as Tritan pulled her shirt off and handed her a clean one. It was baggier, and definitely a guy's shirt, but it was comfortable and the lack of blood stains defiantly made it more appealing. 

 

"I made a mistake a long time ago after after my parents died, I lost my way, Trikru is my true home." He says. He pauses for a moment and Lexa looks at him quizzically. "I need to take your pants off." He says. 

 

"No way." Lexa says. "I swore I'd never let a guy do that to me again... not after last time." Lexa shudders at the thought. 

 

"Last time?" He asks with an amused smirk. 

 

"You do not want to know, too much tequila, I had a moment where I thought ‘maybe I'm not gay’ and one thing led to another and let's just say I'm pretty sure I'm gay." Lexa says and Tristan laughs. Nothing had happened, unless you counted Lexa clocking the guy, but it was an experience she never wanted to repeat. 

 

"Fine, then I have to at least cut away at some of the material, so I can get to the wounds, and then I can bandage over the top but there's nothing I can do about your bones I'm afraid." He says and Lexa shrugs. He sets to work and Lexa keeps herself busy by washing her face and watching as the dark crimson blood fell to the ground. After Tristan had cleaned every wound, excluding her leg ones, there was an even bigger puddle of blood surrounding her so much so that it was practically the colour of the flooring. 

 

"Is Nia here?" Lexa asks after Tristan finishes his bandaging. He looks at her curiously and hands her some fresh clean water to drink. 

 

"Yeah she's in her office." He answers. "Why?" Lexa looks at him. 

 

"We can't have the Azgeda knowing you're on our side, you're our inside man." Tristan frowns not sure what Lexa meant. Lexa could recall something about the fact that you didn't actually need your kneecap to walk, although it would be extremely painful for her to walk on her leg, she wasn't sure where she had heard it but it was probably from Clarke since the blonde loved to ramble on about medical stuff, that Lexa really had no clue about, but the sparkle Clarke got in her eye and the way she threw herself into the explanations was so captivating she found herself loving to listen. "Where's Nia's office?" Lexa questions. Tristan looks at Lexa as though to say ‘are you serious?’ and the brunette shakes her head. "I'm sorry Tristan, I hope you don't hold this against me too much." 

 

"What are you-" Lexa full force smacks the guy on the head using her glass cup which  _ really _ ?  _ Who gives a prisoner a glass cup? _ Tristan was knocked out in seconds and Lexa was painfully pushing herself up to her feet - her pen knife was burning in her pocket now.  _ Rule number one of taking prisoners: always check for weapons or anything that could be used as a weapon _ .  _ Stupid Azgeda. _

 

Lexa was certain she'd alerted someone, since the glass hadn't exactly been silent, so she hobbles out of the door holding her broken arm across her stomach. She stops just outside the door her eyes lighting up at the sight she saw there.  _ Jackpot _ . Waiting for Lexa was the beautiful set of knives that Echo had tortured her with not long ago which, she had to admit, was quite the impressive collection - specifically the blade with the wooden hilt. 

 

Lexa pockets as many as she can before picking the hammer up that had crushed her bones. She didn't feel like killing people unless absolutely necessary, plus she was in no shape to get into confrontation with anyone, but there was one person she was definitely going to kill. She turns her head when the sound of footsteps fill the room and she sees a couple of Azgeda guys barrelling towards her. "Well shit." Lexa mutters before swapping her hammer out for something she could slash with. 

 

Clarke was in the car.  _ Clarke was in the car! _ What was she doing? She knew just how dangerous this sort of thing was yet, when Lincoln had rushed in telling them all that Tristan had finally found out Lexa's location, she had been the first person on her feet. 

 

Anya was in the front with Lincoln and they had left Raven, Octavia and Abby back at Clarke's house. Abby had obviously protested against her daughter going but there was no way she wouldn't  _ not  _ go and this was  _ Lexa - they'd found her! _ Clarke wanted to see her more than anything though she was slightly sacred what condition she would find the brunette in. 

 

They arrive at the compound they were keeping Lexa in which, fair enough, was totally off the grid so had they not had Tristan they probably would've never found Lexa or they would've but the ending probably would've been a lot more bitter. "Somethings not right." Lincoln mutters squinting at the building. Anya nods her head in agreement and Clarke sits forward curiously not understanding the problem. 

 

"They should have someone on guard." Anya breathes. "Either they're reckless or..." Anya trails off looking at Lincoln as he does the same. 

 

"Or what?" Clarke questions impatiently. 

 

"Or something's going down inside that we can't see and they need all hands." Anya replies diving out the car. There was another Trikru vehicle containing a buff guy called Gustus, another buff guy called Nyko and then Indra had even tagged along. 

 

"Stay in the car Clarke." Lincoln warns getting out. He pauses and tosses her a sheathed knife. "Just in case." He says before closing the door. Clarke picks the knife up before shoving it carelessly into her pocket. She stares after Lincoln as he jogs to the mini circle that had formed a few feet from Indra's car. 

 

It looked like they were engaged in a heated argument and Clarke was so focused on them that when the alarm bells started blaring from the building she jumped out of her skin. The Trikru members spur into action, sprinting towards the building before disappearing inside. Clarke waited the whole of five minutes before muttering to herself. "Like hell I'm going to wait here." She climbs out of the car and jogs into the building. 

 

Lexa was fucking lost and the blaring of the alarm was unbearable to her already damaged body. She was following blindly along, she was covered in blood, some of it her's but most of it not and she had a pretty bad limp -  _ if my mom could see me now _ . 

 

Lexa rounds a corner and finds herself in a supply room where she sees a familiar looking jacket. She grabs it from the peg and hugs it to her chest. "It's okay baby, mamma’s here now, and we've got some ice bitch to carve up." She only managed to slip her right arm into the jacket and settles for resting the other sleeve on her left shoulder since her arm was hurting enough as it was. 

 

That was when Lexa heard someone behind her. She whirls around and comes face to face with her torturer. Her grip tightens on the hammer that was hanging by her side and her eyes harden at the sight of Echo. "You planning on escaping in that state?" Echo asks placidly. "You won't get very far." 

 

"Maybe, maybe not, but my destination is a lot closer than leaving this hell hole." Lexa says. 

 

"Tell me where Nia's office is... or I could just break your face like you broke my arm." Echo sizes Lexa up, probably deeming her too damaged to even lift a finger, which really made Lexa's anger flare - no one ever looked at her like she was weak. 

 

"You have a broken arm, you really think you can beat Nia?" Echo questions. Lexa remains silent, letting her determination shine through her eyes and body language, Echo nods her head. "You've got some balls kid, I admit that, but I can't tell you where Nia is." Echo replies and Lexa sighs. 

 

"I figured that'd be your answer." Lexa says with a shrug and then suddenly she brings her hand up and smacks the hammer right into the blonde's temple. She crumples to the ground in a heap and Lexa stares at her for a moment. "That's for breaking my arm you bitch." Lexa steps away from her. "Fucking hammer time shit." Lexa shakes her head in disbelief heading towards the exit. 

 

She jumps back and hides in the doorway when she hears heavy footsteps of someone running. "Trikru are here." One of them says between breaths and Lexa's heart contracts in her chest. 

 

"Find the prisoner and kill her. Nia's getting ready to leave." The footsteps continue down the hallway and Lexa steps out from her hiding place and continues in the opposite direction. Her family were here to save her. She had to hurry up and get to Nia before she managed to slip away once again.

 

Lexa steps cautiously towards the closed door at the end of hallway. Her heart was hammering in her chest with both adrenaline and anticipation. Lexa abandons the hammer and reaches for her trusty pen knife - she wanted to kill Nia with her own blade not one she had stolen from her captives. Lexa limps forward, stopping just outside the door, her hand resting on the handle. She takes a deep breath before pushing the door open and entering the stuffy office. "What took you so long? We have to get out of here-" Nia's sentence dies on her tongue when she sees who's standing in the doorway. 

 

Lexa slams the door closed and glares at the woman she held so much hate for, who had caused her so much unnecessary heartache, and not to mention the physical pain she'd put Lexa through in the past few hours. "Alexandria." Nia says distaste clear in her tone. 

 

"You don't get to call me that." Lexa says limping forward so she was closer to Nia. "My mom used to call me that, you don't get to say my name because you're the reason she can't anymore." 

 

"You're still sour over that?" Nia asks as though she hadn't killed Lexa's parents. "And here I thought your vengeance story would have much more meaning behind it." 

 

"You mean like how you've continued to be an ass and then tortured me half to death?" Lexa asks raising her eyebrows. 

 

"Touché." Nia relents. 

 

"I have a question for you." Lexa says and Nia gestures for her to go on. 

 

"Why? Why did you kill my parents? Why did you do that to me? We were friends." 

 

"You were Trikru." Nia hisses. "We were never friends, only in your delusional head that thought we were, I knew just how weak you were giving in to feelings, your parents were the head of Trikru, the day that their pampered daughter took over the family business was a day I never wanted to see. So I planned their assassination, made you think we were friends, it was supposed to be a wake up call and, for a while, it worked. Until you met that pesky blonde." 

 

"You did all of that to me because of your obsessive need to show that love is weakness? You killed my dad,  _ my mom _ , because you couldn't handle the fact that I was actually better than you and you knew Azgeda would fall as soon as I came into power?" Lexa asks in disbelief. 

 

"At least you knew your parents! Mine abandoned me when I was a baby." Nia snarls and Lexa snorts at her response. 

 

"So you did this because you were jealous of me? You're fucking insane Nia and it's about time someone put you down." Lexa flicks her pen knife up and advances on Nia. 

 

"Someone will lose their life today and it won't be Me." Nia retorts. Lexs lunges at Nia but the woman brings her knee up in front of her causing Lexa to stumble back and knocking the wind right out of her. She winces at the jolt of pain that fires up her broken arm at the impact but she knew she'd have to forget about that if she wanted to win. 

 

Nia steps towards her and Lexa swipes at her a couple times with her pen knife making the ice bitch leap back out of her way. Nia catches her arm, halting the blade, and brings her fist down hard on Lexa's jaw coaxing a grunt from the brunette. She lifts her broken arm and hits Nia as hard as possible - which must have been hard enough as she releases Lexa's hand. Nia grabs her by her shirt, pulling her roughly against the wall with a thud and ripping the shirt slightly. "Are you kidding me? This is a new shirt." Lexa complains slamming her good knee into Nia's groin. The girl yelps and smacks the blade from Lexa's hand. The pair watch as the blade sails through the air and lands somewhere on the opposite side of Nia's desk. 

 

Lexa looks at her before making a run for it only to be tackled by Nia and both of them tumble over the side of Nia’s desk and land on floor on the other side. "Shit." Lexa breathes groaning with pain from the drop. She looks up and spots the blade a few feet away and begins scrambling for it only to have Nia grab her tender knee and pull her back. The Azgeda leader gets a couple of hard hits on Lexa's face before Lexa pushes her off, turning around, and crawling towards the knife. 

 

Nia steps on Lexa's hand after she comes inches from the handle of the blade. Nia increases her pressure causing Lexa to whimper from it. "You can't beat me Lexa." Nia says bending over and picking the knife up. "You never could and now you never will." Lexa gasps when Nia kicks her in the ribs forcing her on her back. She places her heavy booted foot on Lexa's throat and presses down restricting Lexa's breathing. "Don't worry, I'll make it quick." Nia promises. Lexa glances up at the glinting blade that Nia was holding high. _ How ironic. _ She'd been kidnapped, tortured and humiliated, and now she had to die by her own blade.  _ How terribly fucking tragic. _

 

Nia brings her fist down and Lexa manages to squirm, just enough, that she misses her by a hair cutting the side of Lexa's temple ever so slightly and drawing blood. Nia's eyes widen and Lexa smirks, she brings her hands up and pulls Nia's leg out from under her bringing her crashing down to the ground. She then grabs her blade, that was impaled next to her face, and pounces on top of Nia. She holds the blade up high and stares her in her eyes. " _ Yu gonplei ste odon Nia kom Azgeda. _ " Lexa says before bringing her blade down on Nia's head. 

 

She slashes and stabs, working up a frenzy, until Nia’s screams finally subsided. Lexa drops the blade, which was now coated in Nia's blood, she was panting wildly and she was covered in plenty of blood herself now thanks to Nia. She was dead. After everything they'd been through Nia was finally dead and it had been by her hands and it had been just as gruesome and gory as Lexa had imagined it to be. Lexa thought she'd feel something,  _ anything _ , maybe a little guilt, or, at the very least, the sense that she did something wrong but she had zero sympathy for Nia - she hated her and now she was no longer a problem. 

 

Lexa stands up, her hands were coated with blood and her knees had been covered in it from when it had pooled around Nia. She exits the office, closing the door after her, she lets out a sigh and freezes when she sees someone at the end of the corridor. It wasn't just anyone though, it was blue eyes, it was a smile that brightened any day, it was brilliant blonde hair, it was  _ Clarke _ . The blonde runs towards Lexa, her eyes flooding with concern as she takes in her girlfriend's state. "Lexa." Clarke breathes. "You're- you're covered in blood! What did they do to you?" Clarke asks. Lexa lifts her head, green eyes meet blue again but this time was different - Clarke could see a coldness in those green eyes that she'd never seen before in Lexa. 

 

"It's not my blood Clarke." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun! Clarke and Lexa reunited and Lexa's covered in blood and she just brutally murdered someone... what could go wrong? Nia got what she deserved though. Leave me a comment letting me know what you think - I love reading all comments and would just liked to say a huge thank you to anyone who has commented and left kudos you guys are awesome!
> 
> Ps. It was getting late towards the end of this chapter so there might be some mistakes towards the end, sorry. :)


	19. Afraid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa gets herself into trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update but here you all are and I hope you all enjoy! Thank you for all the comments and kudos - I live for them! 
> 
> Ps. Clip is so real atm.

Clarke stares at Lexa, blinking rapidly in confusion, with her blood running cold. She frowns at her, giving her another once over. "W-What do you mean it's not  _ your  _ blood?" Clarke asks. Lexa had her arm across her stomach, which looked severely out of place, one of her legs was taking more of her weight than the other, her jeans were torn and rugged, more so than usual, and she had two dirty bandages wrapped around each thigh. She was sporting a couple of wounds - Clarke was sure - beneath her t-shirt as she could see one just peaking out from the where the neck hole was. Her leather jacket was placed lazily on her shoulders, she had a light sweat, her hair was matted with dry blood and she was covered in blood on her shirt, on her hands, on her pants, on her face and there was even some on her precious jacket. 

 

Lexa shuffles on her feet grimacing from the pain. Clarke's eyes glance at the door that was just behind the brunette before snapping back to Lexa's green eyes. "Whose blood is it?" Clarke questions. Lexa shakes her head not understanding why Clarke even wanted to know or why she even cared. 

 

"I did what I had to do." Lexa says. "I did what was right for my people, for you, for myself." Clarke steps forward and Lexa positions herself further in front of the door to stop Clarke from opening it. 

 

"What are you doing?" Clarke asks folding her arms across her chest. 

 

"I can't let you see Clarke." Lexa says carefully. "I can't lose you." 

 

"If you did what was right then why are you afraid you'll lose me?" Clarke asks.  _ God was she stubborn,  _ in fact, Lexa was pretty sure the only other person who could give her a run for her money in stubbornness was Clarke. 

 

"You help people Clarke!" Lexa snaps ignoring the thump of pain that jolted through her body at the sudden movement. "I hurt them. And I'm... I'm afraid that if you see what I did then you'll lose sight of who I really am." Lexa explains. Her eyes were watery and she was getting emotional enough to make Clarke pause. 

 

"Lexa, I love you, there's nothing, _ literally nothing _ , in this world that could ever make me forget about who you are. All your flaws, all of  _ you _ , is mine." Clarke rests her hand gently on Lexa's chest and the brunette winces, only ever so slightly, before easing into the touch. "You were missing for only a day and I thought I'd lost a part of me, I've never felt so alone even though I was surrounded by people I love, but you... you're the other half of me and without you I'm incomplete." Clarke says her eyes shining with the love she so obviously had for Lexa. "I fix people, you break people, it's a little fucked up but I like to think of it as an atom. Protons and electrons cancel each other out so overall they're neutral, they're stable you, and we’re just like that, we cancel each other out." 

 

"Did you really just describe our relationship as an atom?" Lexa asks and Clarke smiles. 

 

"Well you have to admit, we do have a lot of chemistry." Clarke replies and Lexa rolls her eyes at the lame joke. 

 

"God I missed you and your dorky jokes." Lexa pulls Clarke to her, with her good arm, pulling her close, but not on her, and she leans in to kiss her roughly and passionately on her lips. Clarke responds immediately, although she didn't really know what to do with her hands since Lexa was littered in injuries, Lexa groans wanting to get closer to Clarke but feeling her arm sting in protest. 

 

Clarke had never felt more alive. Finally reunited with Lexa she felt whole again, she felt like she was where she belonged, she was  _ home _ . Clarke steps away from the kiss giving Lexa a serious look. "You know I still have to see right? Otherwise I'll have to imagine and what I imagine might be a lot worse than what it actually is." Lexa sighs before opening the door and moving out of the way for Clarke to step inside. The blonde reluctantly does and Lexa waits outside ready for Clarke to scream in horror or to come outside and just dump Lexa then and there for the horrible monster she was. 

 

Clarke stares down at the body of Nia. She knew it was Nia although she was barely just recognisable from the trauma she had suffered from multiple stabs to her face and neck. There was a large pool of blood all around her body and Clarke could see evidence of a struggle suggesting Lexa had held her own until they finally came to...  _ that _ . 

 

Clarke understood why Lexa had lost it, Nia had caused her so much grief, made her lose everything she'd ever loved, so it made sense that once Lexa started stabbing she had just kept going but that didn’t make it right. Her stomach twists at the carnage Lexa had done to Nia but she swallows it,  _ she had to do it _ . 

 

Clarke steps back out the office, closing the door behind her, and Lexa stands up a little straighter looking at Clarke for any sign that she was about to be sick. Clarke had paled considerably but she seemed more or less normal. She lifts her head and Lexa was staring at her with so much fear that Clarke felt herself melt and her eyes soften. "You did what you had to do." Lexa breaks down then and pulls Clarke against her, ignoring how her body screamed at her not to, ignoring all the pain because she'd just suffered the worse kind of pain she'd ever imagined and now she was reunited with the one person she loved the most and she understood; she actually understood why Lexa did what she did. Clarke was beyond amazing and Lexa just felt totally overwhelmed. 

 

Clarke was caught off guard by the hug, her eyes widening in concern that she was hurting Lexa but slowly easing into her and wrapping her arms gently around her back. Lexa sobs into Clarke's shoulder, each sniffle causing an aching feeling in her chest. "I thought I was going to die." Lexa confesses. "I thought they were going to kill me and all I could think about was  _ you _ . How I let you down, how you had a loser for a girlfriend." Lexa clenches her eyes closed burrowing her head into Clarke's shoulder. Clarke moves her hands over Lexa's back in a comforting gesture, her heart breaking at the confession. "I thought you'd be better off, maybe you could find a girl or guy who would treat you right, who wouldn't endanger your life, who isn't a fucking gang member and who wouldn't put you through shit like this. And I was glad, that I was dying, because I knew it would save you so much future pain." Clarke had heard enough, she couldn't take it anymore, if that was what Lexa thought then Clarke was a pretty shitty girlfriend. 

 

"Hey," Clarke moves and brings her hands up to rest either side of Lexa's face forcing her to focus on her eyes. "never think that again. I will never think that about you Lexa,  _ ever _ . I accept everything that comes with you everything." Lexa nods her head in answer and closes her eyes sniffling once again. Clarke did feel a little guilty at her words because all she could think about was the fact that Lexa had killed someone and she had to admit it did bother her but that wasn’t who Lexa was - she  _ isn’t  _ a killer. 

 

"Clarke, I'm so tired." Lexa admits. "I'm tired of fighting for once in my life. I just want to go home." 

 

"Okay, we can do that." Clarke promises feeling Lexa waver on her feet. She was barely able to stand anymore and Clarke realised that no longer was she just hugging her but Lexa was using Clarke for support. Her adrenaline was wearing off and her body was shutting down. 

 

"I remembered what you said," Lexa mutters proudly but also tiredly. "about how you don't need your kneecap to walk, hurt like hell but I remembered." 

 

"I'm proud that you actually listen to me when I rant about medicine." Clarke hears Anya and Lincoln calling out and Lexa was pretty much almost out. She smiles almost drunkenly and looks up at Clarke. 

 

"I always listen when you talk." Lexa says and then she stumbles slightly, Clarke, who was no longer able to provide her with the adequate support, gently lowers Lexa to the ground keeping her in a tight embrace. 

 

Clarke looks around, her head snapping in the direction that she hears Lincoln's and Anya's voices echoing down the halls. "Clarke?" Lexa asks tiredly. Clarke sweeps stray strands of Lexa's hair from her face and gently places her hand on her cheek stroking it with her thumb. 

 

"I'm here." Clarke replies softly staring down at her. Lexa smiles, ever so slightly, at hearing Clarke's voice. 

 

"I love you, you know that, right?" Lexa asks. 

 

"I do." Clarke confirms with a chuckle. 

 

"Good." Lexa says before closing her eyes. She was out pretty quickly, clearly tired and obviously beaten, and Clarke always did love watching Lexa sleep -  _ it wasn't as creepy as it sounded. _

 

She didn't bother shouting out to Lincoln or Anya, since they were already heading in her direction, she simply just continued stroking Lexa's hair - if she didn't have blood splattered on it, or a noticeable gash down her temple, then Lexa would've looked innocent... she would've looked peaceful. "Clarke?" Anya asks from the end of the hallway. As soon as Anya sees Lexa on the ground she sprints towards them with no hesitation. "Is she- is she-?"

 

"No." Clarke answers stopping Anya from saying the words. Anya frowns but her obvious relief was evident by the sigh she exhales. Lincoln comes up beside Anya and his eyes give away that he was thinking the same thing Anya had just a second ago. "She's sleeping, she's exhausted, she's been through a lot." Clarke explains and Lincoln nods. 

 

"Looks like a broken arm and a possible fracture or break to the kneecap." Lincoln points out crouching to Clarke's level. "I can carry her out, it'll probably be easier." He says as though he was asking for permission. Clarke nods her head and reluctantly lets go of Lexa and allows Lincoln to scoop the fragile girl up in his arms. Clarke stands up from the ground and turns to Anya. 

 

"You might want to take a peek in there," Clarke gestures towards the office. "I'm sure Trikru will be very happy." Anya frowns but steps inside the office anyway. Lincoln gazes down at a sleeping Lexa in his arms and smiles sadly. They'd have to go back to Clarke's and clean her up a bit before going to the hospital, they couldn't exactly just walk her in covered in blood - that would never go down well. 

 

Anya comes back out a few moments later. She was scowling slightly which made Lincoln curious. "What is it?" He asks. 

 

"Lexa killed Nia," Anya replies with a shrug. "which sucks because I really wanted to do that." Clarke ignores that comment and Lincoln laughs lightly at Anya's blunt comment - he knew that she meant that completely seriously which was a little terrifying but he respected it. 

 

"Come on, regroup outside, Indra called while I was in there." Anya says heading towards the exit with Lincoln and Clarke in tow. 

 

Sure enough Indra was standing waiting with the other Trikru members when they finally stepped outside. Indra looked so overcome with relief Clarke almost felt like it was sweet - if Indra hadn't have been holding a long blade in her hand with blood splattered on her front. 

 

The Trikru members all get into their designated vehicles as Lincoln, Anya and Clarke approach. They come to a stop in front of Indra and she instantly cups Lexa's face in her hands. "She looks so much like her mom when she's sleeping." Indra says quietly. 

 

"It's the only time she shuts up." Anya adds and Indra laughs withdrawing her hands. 

 

"We're going to take her to Abby, get her cleaned up and then probably go to the hospital. She'll need to be casted up." Lincoln relays to his mom. Indra nods her head, gently squeezes Lincoln's shoulder, her eyes landing on Clarke for a second but she could've sworn they were hard compared to what they had been when looking at her family, and then she was turning around and heading towards a car. 

 

Lincoln lays Lexa on the backseat allowing room for Clarke to sit and have the brunette's head resting on her lap. Anya stares at them in the rearview mirror from her position in the passenger seat. She was proud of her sister for finding someone who loved her and would do anything for her. She was happy that Lexa was happy. That didn't mean she wasn't going to kick her ass for the stunt she pulled, broken arm or not, she should've never traded herself for her - even if they were sisters. Anya knew she would've done the same but that didn't mean she liked it - or that she was going to let Lexa off. 

 

Clarke, on the other hand, was beginning to realise that Lexa had crossed a line. She presses a light kiss to the brunette's forehead. No one was innocent but Clarke had once thought Lexa was, that she was just misunderstood, but now she had turned those rumours into fact - she  _ was  _ a killer. Clarke shakes the thoughts from her head and sits back in her seat. 

 

Lincoln carries Lexa into the Griffin household and she was finally coming back again when he stepped inside. Raven, Octavia and Abby stop dead when they see the brunette in Lincoln's arms bloody and broken. "Oh my God." Octavia gasps. Abby rushes forward pressing her fingers to Lexa's neck to get her pulse - she was a little surprised when she felt it beating strong under her fingers. "Hey doc, long time no see." Lexa says with a grin. 

 

"We brought her here to get cleaned up before we go to the hospital." Clarke informs stepping forward from behind Lincoln. 

 

"Put me down Linc." Lexa orders and he reluctantly places her on the ground. 

 

"I should carry you up-" Lincoln begins to say but Lexa holds her hand up to silence him. 

 

"I'll be fine." Lexa assures. "I  _ am  _ fine." She addresses that statement to everyone and Clarke shifts on her feet - a gesture Abby doesn't miss. 

 

Lexa limps to the stairs and Clarke hurries to help her, wrapping her arm around her waist and helping her climb the stairs. She leads her to the bathroom and drops Lexa gently on the edge of the bathtub. "Do you need any help?" Clarke asks. 

 

"As much as I'd love to shower with you Clarke, I don't think that'd be appropriate." Lexa jokes and Clarke shakes her head. "Why am I getting the sense you're mad at me?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. 

 

"I'm not mad." Clarke denies. She was confused. Lexa nods her head but she didn't look very convinced by Clarke's answer. "I'll put some clothes out for you to change into, you can just throw those ones out." Lexa nods once more and then Clarke leaves her to get cleaned up. 

 

Lexa stands up and catches a glimpse at herself in the mirror. She looked like Carrie from the movie - no wonder people were thinking the worse when they saw her. So far no one had noticed any difference, maybe she hadn't changed, maybe taking Nia's life hadn't affected her at all, or maybe it was just too soon to tell. She turns away from her reflection and begins getting undressed. 

 

Clarke was sifting through her clothes, looking for something comfortable for Lexa to wear, when she hears a light knock on her bedroom door frame. "You okay princess?" Raven questions. Octavia was close behind her both of them staring at Clarke curiously. Clarke looks at them briefly before returning to her rummaging. 

 

"I'm fine." Clarke replies but she certainly didn't sound fine. Octavia and Raven look at each other, their concern reflected in each other's gazes, down the hall the shower had just started. 

 

"Really? Because you're kind of assaulting your draw at the moment." Raven says gesturing to Clarke's hands that were moving fast almost like she was in a panic. Clarke stills her movements and pulls her hands out of the draw. She turns to her two best friends and gestures for them to come in. Octavia knew from past experiences this was going to be a closed door conversation so she closes the door as they enter. 

 

Raven and Octavia approach Clarke cautiously, watching as the blonde rubbed at a little part of blood that was on her hands. "I didn't even notice." Clarke mutters - she didn't know if it was Lexa's or Nia's but, either way, she didn't want it on her. She rubs at it in a desperate way causing Raven and Octavia to worry even more. 

 

"Clarke." Raven tries and Clarke's eyes snap up her movements stilling. She looked upset, that much they could tell, but they had no idea why she would be upset - she should be over moon, they'd found Lexa. 

 

"She killed her." Clarke admits sucking the air out of the room. 

 

"Who? What?" Octavia asks not sure what Clarke was saying. 

 

"Lexa killed Nia." Clarke clarifies. "Actually she massacred her, she stabbed her repeatedly, she you should've seen her." Octavia pulls Clarke into a comforting embrace and Raven soon follows the two of them trying to calm Clarke down. She was obviously worked up, the scene only just now catching up with her. 

 

Raven pulls away first and takes a step back leaving Octavia to cuddle Clarke in her arms. "She did what she had to do though, right?" Raven asks and Clarke looks at Raven who looked cautious and guarded, not a usual expression for the young mechanic, normally she hid behind sarcasm and a smirk, but she looked like Clarke's answer would seriously bother her depending on what she said. 

 

"I don't know." Clarke admits. "It was obvious there was a struggle, pretty clear that Nia fought back, but Lexa went there to kill her in the first place and you didn't see Nia. She had been stabbed over and over again, it was...  _ savage _ ." Clarke recalls grimacing from the memory. Raven bites the inside of her cheek in thought, they could still hear the shower running signalling that Lexa was still in there. 

 

"You don't know that she went there to kill Nia. Maybe she went for answers and things spiralled out of control." Raven reasons and Octavia looks at her in disbelief. "They had her tied up there, they tortured her, I mean, have you seen the state she's in? It was obviously self defence." Clarke stares at her best friend for a long moment and Raven didn't even seem to care that her two closest friends in the world were staring at her like she had a third head or something. 

 

Had the girls been paying attention they would've noticed that the shower was no longer running and that Lexa now had her ear firmly pressed against the door holding a towel tightly around her body. "You're defending her?" Octavia asks first and Raven looks at her. 

 

"Of course I am." Raven says like it was obvious. "She had no choice, she had to do it, self defence." Raven says and Lexa smiles slightly at the way that the mechanic was standing up for her. 

 

"You didn't see it Ray." Clarke says carefully her stomach twisting with the thought and Lexa feels her heart sink in her chest. Clarke was afraid of her, Clarke thought she was some barbaric heartless being. "There was so much blood." Raven sighs in exasperation, she didn't want to think the worst of Lexa right away, she needed more details before she made any kind of decision. 

 

"Look, how about we concentrate on getting her help first?" Raven asks and Lexa steps back from the door and hurries back to the bathroom as quickly and as quietly as she could with her aching muscles and injured knee. She locks the bathroom door and leans against it her heart rate through the roof. Clarke was bothered by what she had done, she was more bothered then she'd told Lexa she was, and Lexa was irrationally annoyed that the blonde had lied to her but of course she had. 

 

Clarke pulls out some clothes that Lexa could wear and heads down the hallway holding the pile in her hands. She knocks lightly on the door to the bathroom and it opens almost instantly. Lexa looks at her for a moment before stepping inside and allowing Clarke to enter. The brunette's hair was wet but, other than that, she looked relatively clean and dry. Clarke hands her the clothes and she smiles gratefully at her - though it was weak and didn't quite reach her eyes. Maybe killing Nia had taken a bigger toll on Lexa than Clarke had thought. 

 

Clarke helps Lexa get dressed, especially with putting the oversized flannel on, Clarke figured it was the best since it was big and comfortable plus the doctor would easily be able to examine her arm and put a cast on it much easier by rolling the sleeve up though Clarke guessed her own mother would probably be in charge of Lexa's treatment. "We need to talk." Lexa mutters as Clarke drapes the brunette's arm over her shoulder and holds her waist with her other free arm - she was helping Lexa walk down the hall when Lexa had said those words. 

 

Clarke slows her pace and looks at her beaten girlfriend - she looked a lot better now but not so much that Clarke's concern was totally gone. "Later." Clarke vows because now was not the time - especially when they were barely making it down the stairs.

 

Lincoln rushes to the base of the stairs and once Lexa reaches the bottom he goes to scoop her up again but Lexa quickly protests. " _ Ai laik yuj _ ." She says in a warning tone. " _ Nou won gonolei gon ai _ ." 

 

" _ Shof op _ ." He says dismissively. " _ Teik ai sis au yu _ ." He says and he's very serious so Lexa knows she has no choice in the matter. He hoists her up in her arms and Lexa looks at Clarke. 

 

" _ Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim."  _ She says to Clarke and the blonde turns her head to the side, in a questioning manner, not understanding Lexa's mother tongue. "May we meet again." Lexa clarifies and Clarke's heart drops. Maybe it's the fact that the last time Lexa said that she was kidnapped, or maybe it was to do with the fact that Lexa had said it in her own language, but Clarke felt like the saying was becoming what it had always meant to be: a parting phrase. 

 

Lincoln walks out the front door with Lexa peering over his shoulder and Abby comes to the bottom of the stairs to talk to her daughter. "I'm going in to treat her and stuff, no doubt the police will be involved, you'll be safe here, Anya's going to stay to keep an eye on you girls but you look exhausted honey, maybe you should get some sleep." Abby says tucking a lock of Clarke's blonde hair behind her ear. "Maybe take a shower or something to calm your nerves?" Abby suggests seeing her daughter's fidgeting hands. 

 

Raven brushes past them at the knowledge that Anya was staying and meets her girlfriend in the living room with Clarke watching them carefully before facing her mom again. "Is she going to be okay?" Clarke asks referring to Lexa of course. Abby smiles, cups her daughter's cheeks with her hands and leans in and kisses her softly on the forehead. Clarke closes her eyes at the comfort that her mother's touch brought her - it was a kind of comfort that no one could ever give her. 

 

Abby pulls back and gently runs her thumb over Clarke's cheek before stepping back. "She'll be okay." Abby reassures before exiting the house closing the door firmly behind her. Clarke stares at the closed door before looking to her right to see Raven watching her. 

 

"I'm going to take a shower." She mumbles and Octavia shuffles out the way for her to get past. 

 

"Hey O." Raven says softly walking up to the stairs. Octavia looks down at Raven and raises her eyebrows. "Maybe you should go with her, make sure she's okay, I think she needs you more than she needs me right now." Raven says. It wasn't rocket science that Octavia was better equipped at comforting people, she was more touchy feely than Raven and she was supportive, Raven was the better option if you wanted sarcastic comments or lame jokes or insults thrown to feel better but Clarke wasn't in that situation yet. Octavia nods and hurries up the stairs after their best friend and Raven turns around to meet Anya in the living room. 

 

Raven lets out a long sigh and Anya smiles at her wrapping her arms around the mechanic’s waist. "You did good Raven." Anya praises, gently stroking Raven's cheek. Raven had no idea how her hands were so soft - she figured they'd at least be a little calloused. 

 

"I didn't do anything." Raven says with a shrug. 

 

"Lexa will be okay, she's tough, and Clarke will be too." Anya assures but Raven wasn't so sure. 

 

"I don't know." Raven replies. "I'm not sure it's that easy." There's a pause and Anya can feel a question burning to get out of Raven. "So you wanted to kill Nia, huh?" Raven asks. 

 

"Yes." Anya answers, not missing a beat, and Raven found herself wondering how she could just respond that easily - how taking a life didn't even bother her in the slightest. "Does that bother you?" Anya asks raising an eyebrow. Maybe it would have if Raven had been anyone but Raven. 

 

Clarke was idealist, she believed in helping people, in a better a world, a peaceful world which no one got hurt or died in, but Raven was realistic, she knew even some deaths were unavoidable, that sometimes people needed to die, and she'd made peace with this world ever since she'd lost feeling in the lower part of her leg. Life was cruel so sometimes people had to be twice as cruel. 

 

"No, it doesn't bother me." Raven replies. "I would've killed her too if I'd had the chance." Raven mutters which does surprise Anya. They don't say anything else about that but, rather, just hold each other in a tight embrace and try to think about something other than Lexa.

 

Turns out that Abby was fast in getting Lexa what she needed. She patched up the two knife wounds in her thighs, she now had a cast on her left arm, which luckily wasn't a whole cast but the doctor had insisted upon a sling which Lexa didn't really understand how that would help but she agreed anyway, then she'd had surgery on her knee and now she was just coming to her senses. 

 

She groans and goes to rub her eyes but finds her right hand restrained by something. She has a horrible moment of thinking maybe she never escaped Nia's clutches, and maybe the last few hours had been a dream, but then she sees the handcuffs and she relaxes - but only ever so slightly. She had to wear a temporary brace on her knee which Lexa was thankful for because having a cast on her leg and having to be pushed around in wheelchair did not bode well for her - she'd much rather have surgery and a temporary brace to heal her. 

 

She tugs on the cuffs and sighs dropping her head back against the pillows she was propped up against. She looks around her room and sees that light is streaming in through the window and she realises that it's probably about ten in the morning - Clarke would be at school now if she had decided to go. 

 

She jumps when her room door opens but sighs when she sees that it's just Abby. "I figured you’d be hungry." She places the tray of food she was holding onto the table in front of Lexa and Lexa smiles at her. 

 

"Thanks doc," Lexa says. "but I'm afraid I can't exactly eat it." She tugs on her cuffs and gestures to her casted up arm. Abby looks around for a second and steps towards Lexa. 

 

"Indra is here, and so are the police, they know about Nia and they've apparently arrested you on suspicion of murder." Abby informs her. "I can ask to get those removed though." 

 

"They've arrested me on suspicion of murder? You've got to be kidding me?" Lexa asks in disbelief. "Do they even see the state that I'm in? It was obviously self defence-" 

 

"Calm." Abby interrupts and Lexa actually does feel herself calm at Abby's tone. She swallows the rest of her nerves and Abby smiles softly at her. "You've got nothing to worry about." Abby reassures but Lexa wasn't convinced. She'd heard what Clarke had said, if her actions looked barbaric to her then they must look down right disturbing to the police. "They can't question you without Indra present, since you're a minor, but I wouldn't worry, like you said, it was self defence." Abby says and Lexa nods her head. Abby leaves momentarily to go retrieve an officer who could uncuff Lexa so she could eat. 

 

With some maneuvering Lexa manages to grab her nearby phone and she dials Clarke's number hoping the blonde would answer. To Lexa's disappointment she doesn't answer and Lexa feels her heart drop. Clarke hated her, she didn't look at Lexa the same way anymore, she was scared of her. An officer comes in and silently removes the handcuffs and Abby returns with Indra beside her. The pair watch in silence as Lexa gulps down her food, she was starving, apparently getting the shit beaten out of you, fighting your way out of an Azgeda compound and having surgery worked up quite the appetite. 

 

Lexa had just finished eating when some guy enters her room: he was pasty white, his hair was stupid, in Lexa's opinion, and he just looked damn creepy. "I'm detective Cage." He introduces himself. "I'm here to ask you a few questions." 

 

"Go ahead detective." Lexa says sounding bored with the guy - she didn't partially like him and he'd only just entered the room. Indra steps forward from beside Abby to protest but Lexa looks at her. "It's okay Indra." She says dismissively and Indra takes a step back while eyeing Cage as though she might skin him alive should he try to do anything. 

 

"I'm sure you're aware as to why you're under arrest." He begins and Lexa frowns. 

 

"Actually, no, apparently it's on suspicion of murder but what I did was self defence." Lexa says. Cage was obviously recording the conversation, she doubted he would just ask her pointless questions, and she wanted to be sure that, if the tape was to be used, she was not guilty of murder. 

 

"We found Nia Queen dead in a compound not far from the edge of town." Cage says ignoring Lexa's comment. "There we found a penknife with your finger prints on, also the murder weapon, and we found traces of your blood where we found Queen's body."

 

"Then you also found the cell they had me locked up in, that had a pool of my blood in?"

Lexa asks and she notices Abby cringe slightly at her words. 

 

"Yes we did." He says but he looked like he had no sympathy for the teen - he was clearly a dick. "That's not important-" 

 

"I'm sorry," Lexa interrupts angrily. "the fact that I was tortured, stabbed, beaten until bloody,  _ doesn't matter _ ? The fact that I had to fight for my life to escape that damn compound,  _ isn’t important _ ?" 

 

"How about you tell me what happened with Nia?" He asks annoyance clear in his voice. 

 

"I was trying to escape, I didn't know my way around so I was just wondering aimlessly until I found a door, I didn't know it then but it was Nia's office, so I went inside and she was there." Lexa says which was pretty much the truth other than the fact that she had purposely been looking for the ice birch. "She attacked me, I fought back, we struggled, and she had her knife above me but I managed to squirm out the way before she could get me and then I did what I had to do. She was going to kill me." Lexa says and Indra had her arms crossed across her chest, she wanted to interfere, she could see that Lexa was getting angry, and a little desperate for the guy to leave her alone, but she also knew Lexa wouldn't want her stepping in. Abby, on the other hand, was listening intently to the conversation. 

 

"And stabbing her ten times was what you  _ had  _ to do?" He asks. Lexa grimaces at the question, Abby's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and horror, but Indra remains deadly calm - like always. 

 

"I was angry, I wasn't thinking, maybe I got a little carried away but, either way, it was life or death." Lexa replies with her voice surprisingly level. "I know that there's bad blood between Azgeda and Trikru, and Nia and I weren’t exactly best friends, but I wouldn't have killed her if it hadn't have been absolutely necessary." Lexa says but why did it sound so much like a lie? 

 

Cage nods his head and stops the recording. Lexa really hoped he was just the questioning guy and not the actual detective in charge of her case because the guy was a huge dick who obviously just wanted to see Lexa locked up which made no sense because she'd done nothing to him. "You're free to go Miss Woods...  _ for now _ ." He says and Lexa almost wanted to punch him but she settles for flipping him off as he turns his back on her. 

 

She watches him leave and then she turns to Abby. "When can I get the hell out of here?" She asks and Abby snaps out of the little trance she had been in. 

 

"I'll go get the discharge papers." She says exiting the room. Lexa sits up and swings her feet over the edge of the bed. She struggles pulling on the clothes that Clarke had provided her with the previous night and then Abby helps with showing Lexa how to put her brace on. 

 

Once Lexa is fully ready she slowly puts pressure on her leg testing how it felt for her. She limps slightly at first, a dull throb like a second heartbeat in her knee, but nothing like the intense pain she had had before. She still had a noticeable limp but she supposed it was better than having a cast on. 

 

Indra hands the paperwork back to Abby and helps Lexa who normally doesn't like to be seen as weak but her knee was killing her so she gave Indra a small grateful smile as she helped take some of her weight. "Your pain medication should help with that." Abby says noticing Lexa's wincing. "You can return Clarke's clothes whenever, I don't think she'll mind." She adds on the end. 

 

"Thank you Abby, for everything." Lexa says and the doctor smiles at her -  _ she  _ didn't look at Lexa any differently. 

 

"No problem Lexa, just stay out of trouble for me." Abby warns shoving her hands into her white coat pockets. 

 

"No promises doc." Lexa replies and Indra rolls her eyes. 

 

Indra leads her out to her car in silence and Lexa can tell she has something to say, the woman rarely contained her opinion, that was one of things Lexa always did like about her aunt: she was straightforward and honest and she gave pretty sound advice. 

 

Lexa relaxes back in the comfortable leather of the passenger seat of Indra's SUV and her aunt joins her in the driver's side. Lexa dials Clarke's number again and when she receives no answer she knew that Clarke was defiantly avoiding her, there was no way that she wasn't awake yet, which meant she was dodging Lexa's calls. Lexa really screwed up this time. 

 

 _How do you win back the girl who thinks you're a cold hearted murderer? Would Clarke think about the fact that Lexa's hands had killed every time she touched her?_ _Would Clarke always remember Lexa as being doused in blood for the rest of their miserable lives? Would Clarke ever even want to see her again?_

 

"What you did was reckless." Indra finally speaks somewhat startling Lexa out of her thoughts. Lexa looks at her with a small frown. "You should have never given yourself up." 

 

"I did it to save Anya." Lexa replies. Surely, Indra should understand that - she had promised their mom that she'd protect them after all. Indra sighs and her grip on the steering wheel tightens. 

 

"I know, which is why I'm finding it difficult to scold you right now." Indra relents. "I'm just glad you're okay." 

 

"So you don't mind?" Lexa asks curiously. "That I killed someone?" 

 

"No." Indra says without any doubt in her voice. "Lexa, I'm happy you're alive, I don't care about Nia, all that matters is that you're okay." 

 

"What if I'm not?" Lexa asks. "I killed someone, I was captured and tortured, that's got to have some kind of effect on me right?" Lexa asks because she really wanted to know. Indra glances at her with a sympathetic look in her eyes. 

 

"You're _ Leksa kom Trikru, _ you protected your sister, also fellow Trikru, as far as I'm concerned, you did right by Trikru and you should feel proud for that. Your father would be." 

 

"Dad would but mom wouldn't." Lexa says dejectedly and Indra's eyes turn sad for a moment before she wipes the emotion away. 

 

"Your mom would feel the same way I do, happy that you're alive. I'm proud of you too Lexa, I might not like you involved in this life but I get that it's part of you." Indra replies. "Your mom would be proud of the young woman you've become." 

 

"Would she be proud of the killer I've become?" Lexa grumbles and the car turns silent. Lexa sighs and leans her head against the window before closing her eyes. She couldn't think about that, it hurt too much to think about her mother’s disappointment, she just had to remember that Trikru was her family now and she had done right by them and she always would. "Can you drop me at Clarke's please?" Lexa asks. "I want to be with her." That was kind of the truth and also kind of a lie since she just wanted to talk to Clarke but she didn't want her aunt hanging around outside the house in case things went south. 

 

"Of course." Indra replies though she never did really like Clarke.

 

Lexa's standing at her door, her arm is in a sling, her injured knee is in a temporary brace, the cuts that lined her face were dried up and Clarke could see they were already healing even after it had been only a day since Lexa had been beaten. Her eyes spoke volumes, even if she didn't mean for them to, they were hard, cold and Clarke tried to not shiver under their intensity but she couldn't help it. Lexa was tense herself, her jaw clenched, her body language defensive, yet Clarke could see that vulnerability she always saw in Lexa. "You're avoiding me." Lexa states. Her voice was low and she sounded tired, exhausted even, and Clarke couldn’t help but worry. "I know you are, even if you haven't had the chance to see me." Lexa clarifies and Clarke gulps because Lexa was right. 

 

Lexa limps forward, stepping inside, and Clarke closes the door. She was uneasy, she had to admit she didn't know how to feel around Lexa anymore, she wasn't sure what to think anymore. Lexa could read her like a book, she could see Clarke's weariness pouring off of her and it was because of her - Lexa had never hated herself more than she did right now. "Are you okay?" Clarke asks quietly. She did still care, and she did still love Lexa, she was just trying to figure out where she stood with this new Lexa. 

 

"I'm not here to talk about my well being Clarke." Lexa says dismissively. She was angry and she was hurt and that was a dangerous mix when it came to Lexa. "Will you ask me what you really want to know." It wasn't a question, Lexa wasn't offering for her to explain she was demanding her to explain. 

 

Clarke hesitates, she didn't know what she wanted to ask but she was certain any question would just hurt Lexa more and she wouldn't ask the right one. "How do you...?" Clarke trails off unsure of what to say and Lexa frowns. 

 

"How do I what?" Lexa all but spits the question. "How do I live with myself? How do I look myself in the mirror? How do I feel now that I'm a murderer?" Clarke feels the blow of each question like a punch to the gut and Lexa shakes her head in disbelief. "You knew who I was when we started dating, you knew, and you said you didn't care." 

 

"You weren't a killer Lexa!" Clarke explodes and Lexa nods her head with the movement coming off as curt and cold - it was as though Clarke was confirming what Lexa already thought. 

 

"I did what I had to do." Lexa says and her tone was so even and void of emotion that Clarke was wondering where the girl who had confessed her love to her, who had touched her with such gentle hands, had gone. "This is who I am Clarke." 

 

"This is not who I fell in love with." Clarke protests and Lexa lets out a shaky breath as though Clarke's words physically hurt her. Lexa composes herself, and lifts her head slightly from the ground, her eyes were cold now, all emotion wiped from her face, the only thing Clarke saw staring back was a stoic mask and it terrified her to no end. 

 

"Fine." Lexa says evenly. "I'm not who you thought I am but I'll tell you this," Lexa takes a step towards Clarke and Clarke's breathing increases. "I don't regret what I did, I don't regret killing Nia, I don't regret stabbing my knife into her until she could no longer breathe, I don't regret hearing her screams die in her throat, I don't regret being covered in her blood, I don't regret any of it." Lexa was up close to Clarke now  her voice low. The blonde was afraid, she was actually afraid of what Lexa was going to do her, and that made Lexa's heart ache - it felt as though someone had their hand around her heart and was squeezing it tightly. "My only regret is that she didn't suffer long enough." Lexa leans so close to Clarke that the blonde actually flinches away and Lexa steps back, she got what she needed from that, she understood now how Clarke felt. The blonde couldn't even look at her right now, she couldn't face Lexa without seeing her covered in Nia's blood like she had been only a couple of nights ago. 

 

"I would never hurt you Clarke." Lexa says her voice was no longer menacing, no longer cold, it was raw, it was vulnerable, and Clarke turns her head to look at her. "I love you." She whispers before she turns on her heel and leaves Clarke behind slamming the door firmly behind her. She was gone as quick as she had came and Clarke suddenly felt the absence of Lexa weighing her down like she'd lost a vital part of her that was keeping her alive. 

 

Lexa walks down the street and pulls her phone from her leather jacket pocket. She too felt the absence of Clarke heavy on her heart and she knew only one thing that could fill that giant gaping hole. It was stupid, she knew that, and she promised herself that she would never resort to that again, not after last time, but she was already a murderer so she might as well add addict to that list. She dials the number she had learnt off by heart and the person answers on the sixth ring. "It's me." Lexa says. "The usual."

 

Raven comes over Clarke's as soon as she calls and finds that Octavia was already there holding their best friend on the couch while trying to comfort her as best she could. Raven steps into the living room and sits beside Clarke on the opposite side from Octavia. "What happened?" Raven asks gently and Octavia releases Clarke so she can sit up straight. 

 

She takes a deep breath and composes herself; she'd cried for a little bit but she was determined not to cry now. "She came over." Clarke says slowly. "She wanted to know why I was avoiding her, she was angry, and hurt, and I made it so much more worse." 

 

"Slow down Clarke." Raven coos wrapping an arm around her waist. 

 

"I called her a killer, but I didn't mean it, I just... didn't know what I was feeling. I didn't know what to say and it just came out, I'm not afraid of her but she thinks I am, she thinks that I think that she'll hurt me but I know she wouldn't, I know that, but why didn't I say it?" Clarke was hysterical now and her attempt to fight back the tears was in vain. "The worst part is what she said to me." Raven's breath hitches and Octavia glances at the brunette over the top of Clarke's head. They give each other concerned looks - they'd never seen Clarke so fragile and they weren't sure how to handle it. "She told me she didn't regret it, it almost sounded like she  _ enjoyed  _ it, and then she told me she loved me." It shouldn't sound like it was painful for someone to love you, it shouldn't sound like Clarke was breaking apart because she was loved, but it did and that spoke for more than what Clarke could ever actually say. Loving Lexa was hurting Clarke and Lexa loving Clarke was also hurting her. 

 

Clarke wipes the tears away with the heel of her palm and Raven swallows thickly. She sniffles a couple of times calming herself down. "You were right Raven," Raven looks at Clarke her brow furrowed in confusion. "we are both fucked up, and our love is fucked up," Clarke says and before Raven can say anything Clarke continues. "but you were wrong about the fact that we work, we don't, and now Lexa thinks I hate her, or that I'm disgusted by her, and, you said it yourself, she does stupid shit when she's hurting so god knows what she's doing right now." Clarke laughs slightly but it was void of any kind of humour - it was more of a pity laugh if anything. 

 

Raven and Octavia look at each other again coming to a silent agreement. They both lean in and wrap Clarke in a tight embrace in a three way group hug and Clarke actually feels her lips curl up slightly. "Let's just forget about Lexa and drama tonight." Raven mutters and Octavia nods. 

 

"Yeah, we'll have a girls night in and watch cheesy chick flicks all night." Octavia agrees and Clarke actually does feel herself smiling. 

 

"But Raven hates chick flicks." Clarke points out and Raven pulls away from the hug, breaking it up, but she was smiling playfully. 

 

"For you babe, I'd watch a million chick flicks." She winks at the blonde and Clarke shakes her head in mild amusement. Raven stands up and starts towards the kitchen. "I'll get the popcorn!" She calls and Octavia stands too. 

 

"I'll order the pizza." She informs Clarke and she nods. 

 

"And I'll pick the movie and set up our movie den." Clarke finishes and the girls get to doing their respective jobs. Clarke appreciated what her friends were trying to do - she could really do with not thinking about Lexa or what she might be getting herself into.

 

Lexa was waiting patiently in the alley where she usually met with her dealer - apparently alleyways were Lexa's favourite place for illegal activity - Niylah always told her to meet her here but what she hadn't expected was for Roan to be with the blonde. He almost looked disappointed to see Lexa leaning against the brick building and Lexa pushes herself off to stand up straight. "Lexa." He greets and Lexa ignores him staring at Niylah. 

 

"Sorry Lex, but he insisted that he come." She apologises. "Apparently, he says, since he takes a cut of my business to operate here he has a right to know who my customers are." 

 

"You're on Azgeda territory." Roan interrupts addressing Lexa this time. Lexa rolls her eyes and finally looks at the new Azgeda leader in front of her. 

 

"So what?" Lexa asks. "I killed your sister, I didn't give up your name, as far as I'm concerned,  _ you  _ owe me." Lexa says. It's not like she was in any shape to fight back, should anything go wrong, but she did have her good hand and she could punch pretty hard with it - which Roan knew first hand just how violent Lexa could be when she wanted to be. 

 

"You're right, I do owe you, which is why I can't let you do this." Roan says and Lexa scoffs at his words. "Look Lexa, I know why you were attacked all those weeks ago when you had been in Azgeda territory, the night that you went to Clarke for help, you were here to buy drugs and here you are again." 

 

"You're not the boss of me Roan." Lexa says not listening to his stupid points. "Niylah." She ignores Roan and stretches her hand out for her package. 

 

"What would Clarke say?" Roan asks. Lexa hands Niylah her money and eyes her for a second. 

 

"She already thinks I'm a killer, I don't think it'll surprise her that I'm an addict too." Lexa shrugs and Niylah smiles nervously because Lexa's eyes still hadn't left her. 

 

"Lexa." Roan tries but Lexa snaps her head to look at him her green eyes piercing and surprisingly bright in the dim lighting of the alleyway. He shuts up after that look understanding that there was nothing he could say or do that would change Lexa's mind. 

 

"Leave Roan." Lexa demands and he pauses glancing at Niylah. 

 

"What about her?" He asks gesturing to the girl beside her. 

 

"We have business to discuss." Lexa says evenly and Roan's brow furrows, because he was pretty sure that they just finished their business, he doesn't want to question Lexa though, especially when she's obviously hurt and agitated, so instead he backs out the alleyway and makes his way back towards his house. He had to get Azgeda under control anyway, they were kind of reeling after Nia's death, and Lexa, right now, in this state, was the least of his problems. 

 

Niylah raises an eyebrow at the brunette in front of her and Lexa smirks. Niylah knew what was about to happen and Lexa didn't even need to say anything. She removes the sling, tossing it aside - not that it mattered anyway, her hand was in a cast, it’s not like the sling was even useful. She places her hands against Niylah's waist and pushes her back until she hits the hard brick wall and then her lips are on Niylah's rough and dominating. 

 

Lexa can't help but compare the kiss to Clarke's. Clarke was soft and gentle, sweet and a little reserved, and, even when things were hot and heavy with Clarke, the kisses were still somewhat chaste - PG even - but Niylah had no such reservations and neither did Lexa. There were teeth, and biting, roughness that Lexa hadn't let out of her system yet and  _ wasn't sex better than getting in a fight with someone? _

 

Niylah lets out a moan her hands tangling in Lexa's hair as the brunette pushed impossibly close to her. She lifts one of Niylah's legs and the blonde insincerely wraps it around Lexa's waist. Lexa places her leg between Niylah's thighs and presses down and almost immediately the blonde begins grinding against her leg, and she was pretty certain that Niylah could get off just from that, but Lexa wanted more, she felt like an animal, and when Niylah all but whimpers under Lexa the brunette pushes down harder, snaking her hands down to Niylah’s pants. The blonde leans her head back slightly, her breaths more like panting than anything else. " _ Lexa _ ." Niylah breathes and Lexa purrs in response unbuckling Niylah's pants enough for her to have access to where she wanted to be. "God." She groans and Lexa grins sucking on Niylah's neck. "It's been a long time since this happened." 

 

"Afraid I'm not as good?" Lexa teases pausing her movements - hearing Niylah whimper in protest causes her smirk to widen. 

 

"No, you're definitely just as good." Niylah bucks her hips in response and Lexa laughs huskily. 

 

"You could try to sound a little less desperate." Lexa jokes continuing her advance down into Niylah's pants where she could feel the heat and wetness of her already building. 

 

"Yes commander." Niylah responds and Lexa laughs at the name before doing what Niylah most wanted and what she thought she most needed. 

 

After a while spent in the alleyway, Lexa finally stumbles back off of Niylah her head spinning and her hand aching. The blonde in front of her was exhausted and Lexa might have felt bad for the paces she had just put her through if she didn't feel so satisfied with her work. Lexa zips up her pants and Niylah watches her as she does so. "So am I the rebound sex?" Niylah asks her voice low and tired. "Or the rebound drug dealer?" Lexa chuckles at her questions and wipes her hand on her jeans. 

 

"You're Niylah," Lexa says with a shrug. "and we have an understanding." 

 

"Look, Lex, I don't know who this Clarke chick is, in fact I thought you were a stud or something, but you obviously love her and if she finds out what we did-" 

 

"I don't care." Lexa says her jaw clenched. She had quickly turned cold at the topic of Clarke her usual sarcastic easy going attitude disappearing. "You and me are different, it doesn't mean anything, and I need that right now." Lexa answers Niylah's previous question about what this meant. "You're a warm body to fill my cold bed." Lexa might've been concerned about how harsh she was being if it had been anyone other than Niylah. She was to it, after all, this had happened before. 

 

"So we’re fuck buddies and you don't think that'll bother Clarke?" Niylah questions and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"She made her choice." Lexa replies. She holds up her package with a grin and Niylah raises an eyebrow in question. "Now let's have some real fun." Lexa says with a wide grin. "Do you have some place private?" Niylah rolls her eyes but nods her head nevertheless. She figured that if Lexa was to get high the best place would probably be with her to keep her safe and out of harm's way because, even if she was just a warm body to Lexa, she still worried and cared about the girl's safety.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls don't kill me.
> 
> Translations:  
> "Ai laik yuj." - I am strong.  
> "Nou won gonolei gon ai." - No one fights for me.  
> "Shof op" - Shut up.  
> "Teik ai sis au yu." - Let me help you.
> 
> Read next chapter for more notes and clarification.


	20. Not an Update

**This is not an update, just so you know, but I felt like I should post this instead of putting it into the notes of the next chapter.**

 

Okay, whoa, I was not expecting that reaction that I got from last chapter. The comments were pretty divided and I was too, my heart especially, but I decided against changing the chapter. I just want to explain to you all my thoughts as I was writing and what I was trying to achieve with what I gave you.

 

Let's start with the cheating. Okay, this is totally down to me and I completely apologise, I don't think I communicated my ideas very well when it came to this especially. I guess, in my mind, Lexa didn't cheat - I honestly did not think of it as cheating and I see now why so many people interpreted it this way but, alas, I'm young and ignorant and probably should've known better. When Lexa left Clarke's they were broken up, when Lexa met with Niylah she was single and by definition that would mean that she can do as she pleases (please note that does not mean they're GOOD decisions). Maybe I'd watched too many episodes of Friends. Does that make what Lexa did right? No, but we've got to remember that Lexa isn't really thinking at this point. I should have made this more clear and I regret not doing so. Will Clarke be hurt? Probably but she'll remember that they weren't together when it happened because they weren't and once again this is my fault for not making this clear. Will Clarke be able to forgive Lexa? Depends really but I never planned for Clarke to come crawling back to Lexa, or even for Lexa to come crawling back to Clarke, I planned on making Lexa look at Lexa, I planned for her to fix herself before she tries to fix anything else. 

 

Now for the OOC, that was kind of my intention unfortunately - though I understand the dislike towards it. Lexa's losing herself and the person who she thought would be there to remind her of who she is, is turning her back on her, or that's what it feels like to her, and Lexa's been known to fly off the handle when she feels hurt - plus she has abandonment issues that she's never really dealt with. 

 

Anyways, Lexa's losing sight of who she is because of what she's done and I thought, as a writer, the only way to express this to the reader was by making Lexa seem off, or different, because she doesn't know where she stands with herself anymore so the reader should feel the same way. 

 

Lexa on the show would never act this way but my Lexa, the one I've created, is irrational, reckless and impulsive. I didn't see it as cheating, which I suppose I should have thought about more, I thought more about how Lexa would be feeling and she's defiantly feeling very self destructive and abandoned and Niylah happens to be there. 

 

Lexa hates herself, and she's obviously going to regret what she's done, but let's not forget that while Lexa may be reckless, impulsive and self destructive she's also smart and she'll figure herself out eventually and come to her senses. 

 

I'm not condoning Lexa's behaviour but I thought the way she reacted was very real, at least in my opinion, everyone makes mistakes, especially when they feel like they're free falling, but I do understand why some people may be upset and I apologise. Also her past with drugs is a struggle for her and I was planning on going into more detail about it in future chapters.

 

I am deeply sorry if I upset you and I will tag the story so that no one has to read it if they don't want to. If you wish to stop reading then I completely understand but those who choose to stick around then I will try to deliver you a story that I'm proud of and that follows my plan. 

 

Lexa is my favourite character ever, I love her, but in this story Lexa isn't Lexa and she's definitely not herself right now in terms of this story and that was what I was trying to achieve. 

 

So, in conclusion, I take full responsibility for my lack of skill in communicating my ideas through my writing but I'm only sixteen and I've got a long way to go before I can call myself a writer. With exams coming up in a week or so my updates are going to be slower and maybe even a lower quality and that's my fault, all of this is my fault, but I'm sticking by my story, especially since I wish to make a career out of writing, if this was a published book I would never be able to undo this work and it feels wrong to do so now. So I'm not going to change it, I'm going to stick by it and see what happens. 

 

I want you all to know I agree that Clarke does deserve better, she deserves the best, and I think Lexa knows this deep down and she's finding a way to push Clarke away without having to actually say it verbally to her. 

 

Lexa is not Finn, in my mind she did not cheat (and the circumstances were completely different), and I think when it comes down to it Clarke will find a way to forgive her for what she's done but Lexa's got a long way to come yet in terms of getting her shizzle together. She's very hurt and we have to remember that Lexa heard what Clarke was saying about what she had done to Nia and Lexa thinks Clarke hates her, she thinks she's afraid of her, and Lexa feels like Clarke's leaving her, like Costia and Nia did as well as her parents, so she's acting out (I am not blaming Clarke for Lexa's actions at all but think about how you would feel if you were Lexa in this situation).

 

Once again, I am sorry and I understand if you wish to discontinue reading, that is your choice, and I'm just honoured that you got this far so, thank you. I would also like to thank everyone who left positive comments, I appreciate it.

 

I will have an update ASAP hopefully.


	21. Running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa comes to her senses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I didn't mean to get as deep as I did with this chapter but I like exploring meanings like this - I'm also a huge science nerd btw. You all seemed pretty surprised that I was sixteen too which I'm honored about :P Anyway, I'd like to say thank you for all the positive comments on the last chapter, where I wrote down my thoughts, that really meant a lot and even thank you to those who just expressed their opinion - that's cool. Now, I hope you enjoy.

"Lexa." Dr Green's voice breaks through Lexa's foggy mind. The brunette had her head turned up to the ceiling, her eyes closed tightly with her arms draped beside her lazily. Her whole body was far too relaxed then what it normally was - Monty notes - normally Lexa was jittery when she came to see him but not today. Lexa reluctantly sits upright to face the doctor and Monty studies her carefully. 

 

"Yes Dr Green?" Lexa asks and Monty narrows his eyes at her. She never called him Dr Green and, although she was often too sarcastic for her own good, Monty had thought he'd broken through that wall a long time ago. He taps his pen against his pad and Lexa watches the movement placidly. 

 

"Let's talk about your parents." Monty begins and Lexa sighs deeply either from boredom or as a sign that she didn't want to talk about her parents. 

 

"There's nothing more to say. Didn't we already talk about my guilt and all that other shit you said." Lexa replies and Monty frowns. 

 

"Yes, we talked about your guilt, but I'm talking about your other issues... you're abandonment issues." Monty clarifies. He rarely lost it with his patients but Lexa had done a one-eighty so fast that he was sure he had whiplash. He knew they had talked about what affect killing someone could have on you in a past session and Monty was deliberately leaving that topic until Lexa was ready to address it but Lexa was certainly acting different: she had dark circles under her eyes, she was irritable, more so than usual, and her appearance looked different too, her clothes weren't carefully chosen or even really matched, and her eyes were unfocused. 

 

Lexa scoffs drawing Monty's attention back to what he had said and the teenager raises an eyebrow. "Abandonment issues? Please." Lexa says and Monty nods his head in understanding. He knew Lexa would try to deny it but he was a therapist so he could see these kind of things - it's also how he knew for certain now that Lexa was using. 

 

"So you're not angry that they left you?" He asks. 

 

"It's not like they had a choice." Lexa crosses her arms across her chest. She felt like she was holding herself together, that if she didn't do that then she might fall apart at any minute. 

 

"What did you do after their death?" Monty questions and Lexa stares at him. 

 

"Something tells me you already know." Lexa replies dryly and Monty raises his eyebrows and gestures for Lexa to continue. "Fine, I got into a world of shit, made bad decisions, took some drugs and then got clean. Is that satisfying enough for you or do you want me to recap every single detail?" 

 

"Why?" Monty asks catching Lexa off guard. At the puzzled look on Lexa's face Monty explains further. "Why did you decide to do what you did?" 

 

"I don't know? Because I'm stupid maybe?" Lexa replies with a shrug. "They helped me get over my pain and that's what I needed." 

 

"They didn't help you at all Lexa, they forced you to repress your feelings but made you think they were disappearing, and look how that turned out." Monty says and if Lexa thought he was being a little harsh she didn't say anything, in fact, she thought he was giving her some honest advice. "You feel abandoned by your mom, by your dad, by Costia and by Nia." Monty says and Lexa doesn't reply. "You're afraid that the people who are there for you now are going to leave you so you run away from your problems instead of facing them because you're afraid of losing anyone ever again, because you don't want to hurt like you did when those other people walked out your life." 

 

"So what if I run?" Lexa bursts startling Monty slightly. "What's wrong with running away before they leave me? Why should I get screwed over again and again? So yeah, I screw them over before they have a chance to do it to me because it hurts  _ less _ ." Lexa spits and Monty can practically feel the venom dripping off her voice. 

 

"Does it?" Monty asks and Lexa falls silent. "Let's talk about Clarke." Monty suggests. From previous sessions he knew Clarke was usually a good topic in Lexa's life. 

 

"I'm done." Lexa stands up ready to leave and Monty watches her calmly. 

 

"You're running away now." He points out and Lexa clenches her jaw. "Leaving before you get hurt." He continues and Lexa's hands ball into fists. 

 

"I left Clarke because she doesn’t love me anymore, so what I do now is none of her concern, or even your concern, why am I here still? Why haven't you told Jaha that I'm better yet?" Lexa asks angrily her nails were digging harshly into the soft skin of her palm.  _ Did Monty really need to answer that question? _ Lexa sighs and sits on the edge of the sofa dropping her head into her hands. "I'm just tired of everything." Lexa admits. "It's easier to numb the pain then deal with it and it's easier to run then it is to stay." Monty smiles sadly at the damaged girl in front of him. 

 

"Can I give you some advice Lexa?" Monty asks gently and she looks up at him. She truly did look just like any other teenage girl at that moment: her eyes brimming with tears and a certain vulnerability reflected in them. "Find  _ yourself _ . I don't think you're a runner, I think you're a fighter, and I think you've forgotten that because of everything you've been through. Take some time to think about who you are really, not who you are to other people but to yourself, discover who you want to be and become it. You don't have to sit here and feel any less because you rely on someone else to define you.  _ You  _ define yourself." Monty says and Lexa leans back into the sofa his words hitting her like a tidal wave. 

 

"Clarke hates me." Lexa confesses and she'd hate her more when she found out what she'd done. "She thinks I'm a killer, she doesn't know who I am." 

 

"You don't know who you are." Monty points out. "Do me a favour Lexa," Monty says and Lexa frowns but waits for him to ask what he wanted to ask. "write a letter to your parents, or to one of them, expressing your feelings towards them, or any feelings that you're feeling, I think it'll help you understand." 

 

"You sound like you know me pretty well." Lexa pints out and Monty laughs softly. 

 

"No, I can't say that I do," He replies. "understand is probably a better word." 

 

"Thanks doc." Lexa says standing up again. She was much calmer now though she was a little shaky on her feet. She had to give Monty's idea a go, she owed him that much, plus he was a pretty damn good therapist. 

 

Lexa leaves the office and steps out into the hospital hallway and she's thrown back to that night just a little over a year ago: the night that Abby had found her sitting on the pavement outside the hospital, almost passed out, very pale and feeling very sick. Lexa sighs and digs her phone out of her pocket, she hovers over Niylah's name but pauses for a moment.  _ 'You're an attention seeker Alexandria, just like your father. _ ' Her mother's voice chimes out of nowhere.  _ 'Take some time to think about who you are really.' _ Lexa leans against the wall for support and clutches her head. "I hate you." Lexa mutters before storming off to go write a damn letter. 

 

Abby watches the brunette from down the hallway where she had decided to stop for a small break. She could tell Lexa was back on the drugs, and she was already angry with the young teenager, but this was too far.  _ Lexa had gone too far _ . She was completely off the rails and Abby also felt a responsibility to Clarke who was heartbroken but putting a brave face on.  _ Lexa wasn't allowed to fall apart while Clarke had to keep it together. _ Abby makes a decision then and there to make sure Lexa learnt from her mistakes. 

 

Lexa's pen had been hovering above her paper for about half an hour. She was finding it hard to organise her thoughts into one where could she start. 'Dear mom and dad,' stared at her like a dog stares at a biscuit and Lexa was afraid she'd be swallowed up by the words.  _ No, it's time to stop running, _ Lexa decides and then she puts pen to paper. 

 

_ 'Dear mom and dad, _

 

_  I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. You left me alone. You left me here alone and afraid when I need you the most. I'm a teenager, I should be happy, I shouldn't be messed up, I shouldn't be grieving, or sad, or lonely, or a complete mess. I should be bringing home awards from school for mom to gush over, I should be kicking some guys’ asses and making my father proud. You should both be here and you left me. You left me and I hate you.  _

 

_ Except I don't. I love you. I love you both so much and that's why it hurts. Why am I a runner? Why is my first thought to run? It's because of you. It's because I think that if I run before anything really bad happens then it won't hurt like losing you did. Who am I? Lexa kom Trikru, or Alexandria Woods, or hell, Lexa Woods? Take your pick. I'm nobody without you and I don't let people get close to me because I'm afraid they'll die like you did. Why did you die? Why did you love me so much that it got you killed?'  _

 

Lexa's hand halts on her paper immediately. She had no idea that's how she felt about most of the things she had written but especially that last point. Maybe she didn't think anyone could love her or those unfortunate enough to actually dare to try ended up dead or hurt.  _ Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. Clarke. _ Lexa snaps her pen in half and throws it in her annoyance.  _ This was bullshit _ , she didn't have to take Monty's advice and she didn't want to take it. She'd much rather numb her feelings, it was easier. 

 

Lexa stands up and grabs her stash, that was very carefully hidden out of the way, and she unravels it. She didn't need anybody. Anya, Lincoln and maybe Indra, were the only people she'd let in - everyone else should just stay away from her. She felt like a supernova and the strength of her gravitational pull was causing everything to come crumbling down inside of her and any surrounding planets with her. She falls backwards on the bed and closes her eyes.

 

***** ***** *** ***

 

_ Abby had of course met Lexa before, she'd even taken to thinking that maybe she'd taken the girl under wing, but this was the first time she'd seen Lexa like this. The girl looked terrified, she was shaking violently and she was sitting hugging herself in a ball against the hospital building. She looked pale, and clammy, and Abby was instantly concerned. "Lexa?" Abby asks softly and the girl looks up at her with a slight grimace from the movement.  _

 

_ Abby kneels beside her and presses her hand to Lexa's forehead. She almost snatches it back at the intensity of the heart she feels there. Lexa was shaking and Abby intensely recognised the symptoms of ecstasy. She gently helps Lexa off the ground and leads her inside the hospital.  _

 

_ It was pretty easy to secure Lexa a room where Abby was able to treat and talk to her in private. She sets Lexa down on the bed and the young teenager instantly brings her feet up crossing them in front of her. "We have to keep you cool." Abby mutters and Lexa nods removing her jacket.  _

 

_ "I'm sorry." Lexa mutters. "I don't have anywhere to go. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should go."  _

 

_ "You should sit and listen to your doctor." Abby says and she throws in a smile just to help ease Lexa’s nerves. "What did you take Lexa and be honest?"  _

 

_ "I don't know." Lexa says feeling small. "I was at some party, and I didn't have my usual stuff, so someone offered me- I'm sorry." Lexa stumbles over her words and chokes on the last of them. Abby places her hands either side of Lexa's face and forces her to focus on her.  _

 

_ "You need to calm down, okay?" Abby asks softly - she didn't want to risk Lexa's pulse rate to elevate even more than it already was. "I'm going to leave to go fetch some water and other things but I'll be right back, okay? Don't move." Abby instructs and Lexa nods her head. _

 

*** * * ***

 

She opens her eyes and curses at the memory that was singed into her mind. She glances at the package beside her and stares at it for a moment. She'd been down this road before and only Abby was ever the one to pull her off it. Indra didn't know, nor Lincoln, even Anya didn't know which Lexa was especially pleased about - if Anya knew she'd never let her out of her sight again, o _ kay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration,  _ but she'd certainly be pissed. 

 

Lexa looks from the package to the letter sitting on her desk and lets out a long sigh. Niylah didn't mean anything to her, not really, they were friends in a way but Lexa had been using her to escape her loneliness and that was wrong - even more wrong was the fact she did it solely for the attention. 

 

Lexa twists around on her bed, ignoring the sting in her knee at the awkward position, and gathers up her blanket in her hands. She was sick of playing the role of the broken girl that everyone had to tiptoe around, and be careful about what they said when around her, she was sick of her anger issues, she was sick of her abandonment issues, she was sick of numbing her feelings instead of  _ feeling  _ them, she was sick of being who she was. 

 

She leaps up and sits back down at her desk grabbing a new pen and bringing it to the paper she begins writing again. 

 

_ 'I miss you. I miss mom's hugs that always made me feel like I was at home, I miss how mom used to kiss me on the head goodnight until I protested that I was too old, I miss having you as my person, I miss having my mom. And dad, I miss you and your life lessons, even if I didn't used to listen, but I get it now, love is weakness. I mean, look at what it's done to me. I'm pathetic a waste of space, I don't deserve to be here, it should have been me on that night, I think death took the wrong people. You loved me unconditionally, and I know you'd be disappointed with the person I've become, specifically the killer, the murderer, the villain. I just really need my mom and dad right now.' _

 

Lexa throws the pen down, grabs the envelope and shoves the letter inside before sealing it. She then stands up and throws the package on her bed in the trash. She hated to admit it but Dr Green was right. She did feel better after writing that letter and she felt like she understood herself better. She falls back on her bed again.  _ Time to stop being the villain. _

 

*** * * ***

 

_ "Lexa." Abby kneels beside the young teenager curled in the corner of the room that she had managed to secure for her. Lexa had her head buried in her knees that were pulled up to her chest and she was shaking. Abby gently places her hand on Lexa's back to get her attention and she looks up. "I'm going to have to call Indra."  _

 

_ "No please, Dr Griffin, please don't do that." Lexa begs. Her eyes were watery with tears and Abby feels her heart break at the sight. Lexa was tough but, everyone had their breaking point and it seemed that she'd reached her's. "I can get clean, I promise, I just, please, just give me a chance, I know I can do this." Abby chews the inside of her cheek. She shouldn't, as a doctor she was supposed to call someone, she was supposed to get Lexa professional help, but, looking at the small fifteen year old, she just couldn't find it in herself to do such a thing.  _

 

_ Lexa was a lost soul, she felt abandoned by her family and by her friends, she just needed someone to believe in her, she just needed something, and Abby could be that glimmer of hope she so desperately needed. "I can kick this habit, I promise." She says desperately and Abby feels herself cave.  _

 

_ "Okay," Abby relents and Lexa looks at her in disbelief causing the doctor to chuckle slightly. "I have a daughter of my own Lexa, if she was in the same situation as you are, I’d like to think she'd do the same and help you."  _

 

_ "Clarke?" Lexa questions remembering the blonde from her school - not that she'd admit it to Abby but she'd always noticed her daughter.  _

 

_ "You know her?" Abby asks gently taking Lexa's arm and taking her pulse rate. _

 

_ "Not really." Lexa admits. "I've seen her around school though."  _

 

_ "I'm sure she'd like you." Abby replies softly and Lexa ducks her head wanting to bury herself away again. "I have a condition though," Abby says catching Lexa's attention again. "you come to me weekly, so I can do check ups on you, drugs tests, health checks, the lot, and if you slip up  _ **_once_ ** _ we take this to Indra and we get you real help. Do you understand?" Abby asks and Lexa nods her head furiously - Abby's voice had changed to a more condescending mom tone that Lexa was a little afraid of what might happen should she slip up. "Good." Abby says with a nod.  _

 

_ "Thank you Dr Griffin, I won't let you down." Lexa promises and Abby smiles at her.  _

 

_ "I’m sure you won't Lexa." She says before leaving to go do her doctor thing and leaving Lexa alone. _

 

*** * * ***

 

Lexa was sitting on her bed, finger trailing lazily over her arm, as she thought back to a couple of years ago when Abby had helped her. Now she'd made the biggest slip she'd ever made and she wasn't sure she'd be able to fix it. She'd broken her promise to Abby, not just about the drugs, but she'd promised Abby that she wouldn't let her down - she'd  _ definitely  _ done that. "Who am I?" Lexa ponders aloud her finger pausing. She thought she used to know, she thought she knew who she was, but ever since Nia - and Clarke - Lexa was beginning to lose sight. 

 

She remembered what Monty had told her from their session that seemed so long ago now.  _ 'If you have someone you care about to remind you of who you are, even after you don't know yourself, then you could lose yourself as much as you want because they're always there to pull you right back.' _ What happens when you lose that someone? What happens when there's no one to pull you back from the cliff's edge? It'd been all but radio silence from Clarke and even Raven was giving her the cold shoulder - which she put down to the fact that she owed nothing to Lexa and her loyalties mainly stood with Clarke. 

 

Lexa sighs, she'd missed plenty of school but today was different. today she was going to get her shit together and she wasn't going to get mixed up in drugs, she wasn't going to be reckless anymore, she needed a plan, she needed a future, if she didn't have anyone to remind her of who she was then she'd have to go find out for herself - take Monty’s . 

 

Lexa stands up ditching her leather jacket for something a little more comfortable. She was still aching from her time in the Azgeda compound and the tough leather of her jacket put increased strain on her. She grabs her bag and hurries down the stairs still limping slightly on her bad leg.  _ Leksa kom Trikru _ was dead, she was gone now, she was who she was always meant to be: Alexandria Woods. She would make her mom proud, not her father, she'd become the person she was really destined to be. 

 

Indra watches as the brunette practically stumbles down the stairs in her haste and she leans against the doorframe to her office as the teenager rushes to get to the door. "Where do you think you're going?" Indra questions. Lexa was a little jittery - a little form nerves a little from excitement. 

 

"School." Lexa replies like it was obvious. Indra raises her eyebrows at that response, so far she had indulged Lexa's avoidance of school; it was pretty easy since Lexa had been in hospital only a few nights ago, so she could call in sick without too many problems, but now Lexa wanted to go to school?  _ She never wanted to go to school _ . 

 

"You've missed half the morning." Indra says not understanding and Lexa pulls her boots on choosing to ignore Indra's probing. 

 

"I know but if I hurry I can make it in time for lit." Lexa explains. "Indra I'm done." Lexa reveals and Indra frowns.  _ After fighting to prove that she was where she belonged, she was just done? _ That didn't sound right to Indra, she was over the moon with the decision but she didn't understand it. "I need time to put my life together again." 

 

"I wasn't aware your life was falling apart." Indra says raising an eyebrow and Lexa sighs her shoulders going slack. 

 

"It's..." Lexa trails off unsure of how to backtrack on her words and Indra frowns deeper. 

 

"You can talk to me Lexa." Indra encourages. 

 

"No, I just want to go to school, I need to just be normal for a day at least." Lexa practically sounded like she was begging and Indra nods in understanding. 

 

"I'll drive you." Indra says pushing off the doorframe which Lexa appreciated because walking would've been a problem and she couldn't exactly ride her bike. 

 

"Thanks." Lexa mutters following her aunt out of the front door. 

 

Clarke was sitting doodling when she should have been making notes but she just couldn't bring herself to listen to Kane. For some damn reason he was back to Romeo and Juliet claiming that they hadn't explored the content of the book as thoroughly as he would've liked, or something along those lines, Clarke didn't really hear him. 

 

Things had been weird for the past few days: Lexa was gone doing whatever she does when she's upset. Clarke tried to not resent her too much, understanding that that was Lexa's way of coping, but it was hard when the brunette left Clarke worrying about her safety. Raven and Octavia had been over practically every night claiming they were just there to spend time with Clarke but she knew they were really there to keep an eye on her. 

 

Clarke was okay. She really was. Ever since Lexa had left her standing in her house she'd had the time that she needed to process what she was feeling - maybe that's all she ever really needed:  _ space _ . She knew Lexa was complicated, and a little bit like a rollercoaster ride, but Clarke loved her and she knew that deep down, under all of Lexa's emotional wreckage, she was just a normal girl. She also knew that killing someone would definitely make it hard for Lexa to really recognise herself anymore, Clarke couldn't even imagine how she would feel if she was in that situation, and she felt a little guilty for what she had said about Lexa and what she had called her. Lexa wasn't a killer. Well,  _ technically she was _ , but not in the sense that she was savage, like Clarke had accused her of, she wasn't a murderer and Clarke felt truly bad about accusing her of such things. She knew how much that must have hurt Lexa and to see her spiralling wasn't much of a surprise. But that made Clarke angry,  _ why should Lexa get to fall apart every time she's upset and leave Clarke worried sick? It wasn't fair.  _

 

Clarke was so absorbed in her thoughts she didn't even hear someone enter the class she just kept her eyes focused on what she was drawing. Here she was, once again with the seat beside her empty, maybe she should have listened to her mind that had warned Clarke about Lexa the second she sat in that seat, that seat had once been Finn's and now it was Lexa's but she wasn't in it. 

 

"Clarke." Clarke snaps out of her thoughts with a jolt drawing the attention of some of her other classmates who quickly look away from her. Clarke frowns, of course she recognised the voice but she could've sworn that she wasn't there a moment ago. Clarke turns her head and gazes at the brunette who was sitting beside her at her own desk.  _ Lexa _ . Her green eyes were soft and striking in the dimly lit classroom, her hair was in its natural curls and loose from its braids, she was wearing casual clothing, with her leather jacket surprisingly missing, and she looked a little tired and restless.

 

Although she felt relieved that the brunette was, well,  _ alive  _ she felt her anger getting to her as well - she kind of wanted to hug and slap Lexa at the same time. "Can we talk?" She asks lowly and Clarke blinks at her a few times wondering if any of this was actually real.  _ Was she imagining this? Was she going insane maybe? _

 

"What?" Clarke asks dumbly and she mentally scolds herself - _ get yourself together Clarke _ ! 

 

"I think we need to talk, later, after school maybe?" Lexa asks and Clarke pauses.  _ She actually wanted to talk? She was actually making the first move? _ Clarke had to admit that her curiosity was getting to her, she'd figured things were over, she never thought Lexa would actually want to talk.  _ What was there to even talk about? _

 

"Yeah, we can talk." Clarke manages and Lexa nods her head turning towards the front after that. 

 

Something about the way Lexa was acting told Clarke that whatever Lexa wanted to talk about wasn't going to be pleasant - not that she expected anything less. Clarke wasn't sure they had anything to talk about anymore but she also knew that couldn't  _ not  _ talk to Lexa either. They were far too connected. The last few days Clarke had been okay, yes, but she still felt like there was this huge hole in her life. She had also noticed that Raven and Anya appeared to be fighting, probably because of Lexa and herself, which Clarke felt a little guilty about. She didn't want Raven to feel like she had to pick sides, she knew how much Lexa meant to her, she also knew, even if Raven didn't know just yet, that she loved Anya. 

 

Clarke's drawn out of her thoughts once again at the sound of a foot tapping and a pen hitting a desk. Her eyes draw to Lexa who was sitting sluggish in her seat, unable to remain still for too long, and she instantly knew she'd skipped out on her medication again. Clarke tries to ignore it,  _ she really does _ , but maybe she more angry than she thought. "Can you stop?" Clarke snaps in a whisper. Lexa's movements instantly cease and she turns to look at the blonde. 

 

"Sorry." She mutters and that word sounded like it carried more weight than just being about her noise making. "I guess my nerves are getting to me." 

 

"Maybe if you took your medication you wouldn't feel so jittery." Clarke counters. 

 

"Miss Griffin, Miss Woods, is there something you'd like to share?" Kane asks and Clarke freezes. 

 

"No sir." She replies and Kane nods but Lexa remains silent. 

 

"Miss Woods?" He asks and Lexa looks up at him. 

 

"I do have a question," she begins and Clarke rolls her eyes ready for Lexa to say something to tick Kane off. "I was late to the lesson so I'm wondering why we're revisiting Romeo and Juliet?" Clarke stares at Lexa in shock and the rest of the class fall still from the question some even daring to turn and stare at Lexa.  _ Lexa Woods, asking a legitimate question that actually contributed to the lesson? That was a rare sight.  _

 

"We explored the romance to Romeo and Juliet." He says and Lexa raises an eyebrow. 

 

"Well it is a tragic love story." Lexa replies and Kane points at her with a grin. 

 

"Very true but there's many political and other aspects to it that we didn't really consider." Kane replies. "Tell me, Miss Woods, what is your favourite line from the play?" He asks and Lexa frowns - there was way too many for her to pick one. 

 

"I don't know." Lexa says but Kane presses her by giving her a look. "Maybe... what's in a name that which we call a rose?" Lexa says unsure - she'd just picked the quote she could first think of more than anything. Kane claps his hands together as though that had been the perfect answer for him. 

 

"Exactly!" He calls and Lexa glances at Clarke who just shrugs - Kane may be dating her mother but that didn't mean she knew why he was so excited by the quote. 

 

"What's in a name that which we call a rose? By any other name would smell as sweet.  So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called, retain that dear perfection which he owes ." Kane recites and Lexa nods knowing the passage well. "What do you think about that Miss Woods?" 

 

"I think Juliet's saying that Romeo would still be Romeo if he were called something else." Lexa replies. 

 

"That is the literal meaning." Kane points out. "This is literature Lexa, explore your feelings, what  _ Juliet  _ is feeling, you're the reader, connect with your character. How do you think she's feeling, what do you think she's thinking?" Kane encourages. 

 

"I think she's upset because if Romeo was anyone other than a Montague she'd be with him and he'd still be who she loves despite his name." 

 

"Exactly." Kane agrees. "We can explore this further by maybe thinking of ourselves in this way. Do you think if you were called something else other than Lexa you'd be different?" 

 

"I'm not sure." Lexa replies. "I have two names." She points out and she had to admit both made her feel different. 

 

"They both mean the same, they're both you, Alexandria and Lexa, both the same meaning, both the same name, both the same person, you're the same either way." Marcus says.

 

"So if I wanted to be better it'd take more than a name change?" Lexa questions. 

 

"Names are symbolic, Romeo, Juliet, Montague, Capulet, their names carry depth and meaning, love even, your name can carry any connotation you let it carry but names are just names. You'd still be you if you were called Agather, it doesn't matter Lexa." Lexa sits back in her seat under the weight of that discussion and Clarke doesn't miss a second of it. So what Kane was saying was that even if Lexa wanted to become a better person she'd have to change herself not just her name because, names are symbolic, it's the person underneath them that defines them. 

 

The bell rings signalling the end of classes and Lexa's first out the door leaning against her locker to gather herself. She was shaking a little and she felt a little nauseous, all side effects of withdrawal, but she was sure she could handle it.  "Hey stranger." A voice greets.  _ Shit _ . Lexa looks up to see Niylah standing in front of her and she pulls the blonde in and twists around to block her from Clarke's view. 

 

"What are you doing?" Lexa hisses. 

 

"Calm down Lex, I came to see if you're okay." Niylah replies. "Look, I get that we’re just friends with benefits, or whatever, but I'd still like to think that you're okay and not well..." Niylah gestures up and down Lexa who was unable to control her shaking and light sweating. 

 

"I'm done with that arrangement." Lexa says. "And the other one." Lexa adds just to be sure. Niylah looks at her curiously though she didn't have many objections. 

 

"Is this about Clarke?" Niylah asks which really she knew she shouldn't be prying but her curiosity was getting the best of her. 

 

"No, this is about me." Lexa says feeling a little irritated by the question. "I shouldn't have done what I did but I was hurt and feeling abandoned so I turned to something I had promised myself I wouldn't do again." Lexa answers Niylah’s unanswered question and the blonde nods in understanding. 

 

The bell rings, signalling the start of next period, and Lexa sighs because, not only did she have to face Clarke today but, her next lesson was bio which meant Cage's annoying ass and then Raven who Lexa hadn’t spoken to and she was certain was on the rocks with Anya. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I hope I don't see you around." Niylah says but Lexa got what she was hinting at. 

 

"Never again." Lexa vows and this time she meant it. She walks towards next period not even noticing the blue eyes that had been watching her closely this whole time.

 

Lexa takes her seat first. She didn't know where Raven was but she was a little thankful that she wasn't there yet. Lexa catches Clarke as she enters to take her seat, Octavia, behind her, shoots Lexa a scowl which the brunette chooses to ignore, then Raven appears in the doorway. She freezes and stares at Lexa before walking forwards and sitting down beside her. Lexa sighs, the air between them already seemed thick and Lexa wasn't sure what to say. "Where the fuck have you been?" Raven asks after a moment of complete silence. The question takes Lexa by surprise - of all the possible things she'd thought Raven might say that hadn't have been one of them. 

 

"What do you mean?" Lexa replies and Raven totally disregards Pike, who was rambling on, and turns her full attention to Lexa. 

 

"You know what I mean, you've been awol for days, didn't even text to say you were okay." Raven scolds with a frown and Lexa raises an eyebrow. 

 

"I wasn't sure you'd want me to." Lexa says in confusion and Raven snorts earning her a glare from Pike but he continues his lecture. 

 

"You're like one of my best friends, did you really think I just didn't care or I just didn't want to hear from you?" Raven asks and Lexa was speechless because, yeah, that's exactly what she had thought. "You're an asshole."

 

"What about Anya? Please don't tell me I'm the cause of your problems?" Lexa replies and she notices that Raven becomes a little tense at the mention of her sister. 

 

"You're not." Raven answers simply. "We're just going through a rough patch but we'll figure it out. As for you and me, no matter what happens with other people who we care about, I’d like to think we’d still remain friends." 

 

"So if you broke up with my sister would you still want to be my friend?" Lexa asks lightly. 

 

"Sure, but would you?" Raven counters. 

 

"Anya's a big girl, and you were my friend before that." Lexa points out and Raven beams. "Even if Clarke and I aren't together, you still want to be friends?” 

 

"You're exhausting Lex." Raven jokes. " _ Obviously _ . I mean, I've been there for Clarke since the big B.U but that's because I know you like to go off and do stupid shit to feel better but, hey, if you wanted a partner to go do stupid shit with you then I'm available." Raven offers and Lexa laughs. "Come on, we're the commander and the mechanic, unstoppable brotp." 

 

"Brotp?" Lexa asks with a frown. 

 

"My god, go on the internet sometime Lex, jeez." Raven replies not explaining but the wink she gives Lexa implies it had a good meaning - plus the bro part kind of gave Lexa an idea of what it meant. 

 

"So no matter what we'll stay friends?" Lexa asks and Raven holds her pinky out. 

 

"Pinky promise." Raven says and Lexa shakes her head, an amused smile on her lips, and hooks her pinky around Raven's and shakes it. 

 

"There's something I have to tell you." Lexa says quietly and Raven looks at her curiously waiting for her to elaborate. "Well, after Clarke and I broke up, I kind of, well, I kind of slept with someone else." Raven's eyes grow wide instantly with the information and she can't help but say " _ Lexa _ !" quite loudly and drawing all attention to them. Lexa shuffles, now feeling all eyes on her, and Raven smiles shyly at Pike who was glaring at the pair. 

 

"Do you want detention Miss Reyes?" He grumbles.

 

"No sir." Raven replies but she sounded way too cocky and Lexa has to suppress her laughter. "Sorry, please, continue." Pike turns around with an eye roll which meant he must be in a relatively good mood because, had it have been any other day, he probably would've gave Raven a detention for just saying no sir. 

 

Raven turns her attention back to Lexa and the class go back to doing whatever they had been doing before. "You really are an asshole." Raven comments. "Man, Lex, what were you thinking?" 

 

"I wasn't thinking, kind of why it happened." Lexa points out. "Still want to be my friend?" She asks and Raven rolls her eyes. 

 

"Get over yourself, we've all made mistakes, I'm not a perfect human being, and no one is, but you've got to tell Clarke." Raven says seriously. "You don't want her finding out from someone else." 

 

"Do you think she'll forgive me?" Lexa asks hopefully and Raven bites her lip. 

 

"Hard to say, the whole sleeping with someone will definitely hit her hard but, she can't really be mad at you since you weren't together," Raven reasons. "but then again she loves you and you love her and you're both just kind of tiptoeing around each other. She kind of has a right to be mad at you for running away again. So what did you do this time, drink and sleep with a bunch of strangers?" Raven asks and Lexa sighs. 

 

"No, well, not really, kind of but not really." Lexa says confusing herself and Raven chuckles at her phrasing. 

 

"Look, Clarke's a really forgiving person, like  _ really  _ forgiving, just tell her and go from there. The way I see it, the two of you need to hash out your problems and soon." Raven says and Lexa leans back. Raven was right and they would talk about their problems when they met after school. 

 

"Thanks Ray, you're the best." Lexa says and Raven grins wrapping an arm around Lexa's shoulders. 

 

"What are friends for?" She asks. 

 

" _ Reyes _ !  _ Detention _ !" Pike yells finally going back to being the jerk he normally was. 

 

"You've got to be  _ fucking  _ kidding me." Raven says in response and Lexa bursts out laughing. 

 

" _ Reyes _ !" Pike seethes. "You can join her too Woods." 

 

"What the  _ fuck _ ?" 

 

Lexa was walking down the hall when she spots Clarke swapping out her books in her locker. It was the end of the day and time for Lexa to finally talk to Clarke. It was almost the end of junior year, and Lexa knew that Clarke's birthday was next week, and soon they'd be seniors and then, well, Lexa didn't know what was next for herself but she assumed Clarke would be going to college. "Hey." Lexa says softly trying to not startle the blonde. The hallway was practically empty apart for a few lingering students. 

 

"So you wanted to talk?" Clarke asks closing her locker. Lexa glances around before nodding her head in the direction of an empty classroom she had crossed a few minutes ago. Clarke follows Lexa into the classroom and watches at the brunette closes the door behind them. Lexa figured to just come out and say it would be best, like ripping off a bandaid so to speak, she takes a deep breath before beginning. 

 

"I have to tell you something." Lexa says playing absentmindedly with her cast that was on her arm. Clarke looks at her levely, her blue eyes just as blue as ever, and Lexa smiles sadly. She'd really made a mess of everything. "It was after I left, after we... you know." Lexa says and Clarke nods. She knew what Lexa was referring to, after their break up, after Lexa had walked out on her again and disappeared once again. "I met up with Niylah to, um, to buy some, er..." Lexa stumbles over her words, her nerves getting the best of her, but Clarke wasn't stupid - she already knew what Lexa was referring to. "I wanted to numb the pain." Lexa explains and Clarke nods once. "One thing led to another and I kind of, well, I kind of ended up having sex… with Niylah." Lexa holds her breath. It was never pleasant telling your ex girlfriend about your stupid mistakes and it'd probably hurt less if she hadn't done what she did a few hours after they had broken up. 

 

Lexa watches as Clarke inhales sharply, her eyes narrowing for a second, and then...  _ nothing _ . Clarke lets out a sigh and nods her head at the brunette. "Okay." 

 

"Okay?" Lexa asks in disbelief and Clarke looks at her meeting her eyes. 

 

"Yes okay. What do you want me to say? That it hurts? Well it does, but we're not together anymore Lexa so I can't dictate your life and I don't really have a say in who you sleep with." 

 

"I know I just I thought you'd be a little more... angry." Lexa explains and Clarke shakes her head before looking down at the ground. 

 

"No, I'm not mad, a little disappointed, but not mad." Clarke says. She twists the ring on her finger before pulling it off. Lexa watches as she hesitates for a moment, holding the ring between her index finger and her thumb, her gaze far away, before she comes back to earth. She stretches her hand out and Lexa takes the ring with a heavy heart. 

 

"Maybe someday I can give you this and actually keep my promises." Lexa says closing her fingers around the ring before shoving it carelessly into her pocket. Clarke lets out a breath that Lexa is sure is supposed to be laugh. 

 

"Yeah." Clarke says though she sounded indifferent. "Can I say something?" 

 

"Of course." Lexa says with a small frown indicating for Clarke to continue. 

 

"Can we take a step back for a while?" Clarke asks and Lexa's frown grows. 

 

"That's why I'm here talking to you?" Lexa replies confused. 

 

"I'm not talking about  _ us  _ I'm talking about  _ you _ ." Clarke says and Lexa straightens up not so sure she wanted to hear what Clarke had to say anymore. "You need to stop, you need to stop running away from everything, from your problems, you need to face them, you need to  _ stop _ ." Clarke says. "It's not fair Lexa, you can't just run off every time you feel hurt and expect me to just know if you're okay or not, you can't run off and go buy something to numb the pain, you can't go off and drink all your problems away, it's not  _ fair _ ." Lexa knew Clarke was being a little harsh but she also knew she was telling her straight - she was telling Lexa exactly how she felt and the brunette felt bad for everything she'd done. 

 

"I know." Lexa replies and she did know. She wanted to explain to Clarke why she always ran away from her problems, rather than facing them, but she didn’t know where to start. "I think I need some time to figure myself out. I need to fix myself before I can do anything else with my life otherwise everything I bring into it will be broken too." 

 

"You can talk to me Lexa." Clarke says and Lexa stares at her, a little in awe, a little like Clarke was insane, because she thought the blonde would never want to speak to her again. "You have issues but I do too." 

 

"You want to help me?" Lexa asks feeling her vulnerability seep into her words - Clarke always had that effect on her no matter what. 

 

"You're an idiot." Clarke says and Lexa sewers she sees a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of the blonde's lips. 

 

"I guess some things just never change." Lexa replies and she watches as the hint of a smile on Clarke's face grows to a small smile. 

 

"Of course I want to help you Lexa, we’re still friends." Clarke says ignoring Lexa's previous comment. 

 

"We're friends?" Lexa asks in surprise and Clarke nods her head. 

 

"I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive you just yet but I know it'd hurt more if I lost you all together." Clarke says and Lexa feels her knees go weak slightly.  _ Clarke was so good, she was almost too understanding. _

 

"I can't imagine it would." Lexa says in a solemn tone. "I'm not sure there's much of me left to lose anyway." Lexa shrugs adjusting her hoodie, she runs a hand through her soft curls and Clarke watches her movements carefully. Lexa looked like your average girl dressed the way she was now, all sharp edges - like her leather jacket and torn jeans and loose tank tops -  _ gone.  _ She was just a girl wearing a t-shirt with jeans and a hoodie. The only thing that stood out was the brace wrapped around her knee and the cast that her hoodie sleeve was rolled up to. 

 

"You're  _ Lexa _ . I'm sure you'll figure it out eventually, I figured it out a long time ago." 

 

"Right." Lexa says pretending that that made sense - which it did but she didn't think she was quite ready for what Clarke was saying. 

 

"I'm sorry for the way I acted about Nia. I should've just talked to you properly, told you how I was feeling." Clarke apologises.

 

" _ Clarke _ ." Lexa says and Clarke notices that she'd taken a step back from her, her eyes closed slightly in a silent protest of not wanting to hear about this particular topic. "Please don't." 

 

"Lexa-" 

 

"You don't have to apologise, I get it, alright, but I just don't want to talk about this." 

 

"You have to talk to someone about it." 

 

"That's why I go to therapy." Lexa replies and Clarke sighs realising that Lexa really wasn't going to talk about it. 

 

"Fine." She gives up. 

 

"I'll talk to you later." Lexa says making her way to the door of the classroom. She glances back once and then exits. 

 

She'd have to walk home, which sucked, but she was glad she'd at least resolved some of her issues with Clarke. She knew she still had a long way to go before she was completely better but Lexa had made a lot of progress and, for once, she actually felt like she was back on track. Raven was a sure friend, someone who Lexa knew wouldn't abandon her -  _ after all, pinkie promises are like the ultimate promises _ \-  Anya, her ever supporting sister, Lincoln, her kind cousin, Indra, her annoying aunt who Lexa loved but pretended that she didn't, Octavia was a friend, though she seemed to be a little iffy about Lexa at the moment, and then there was Clarke who had just told Lexa that they were friends and that it would’ve hurt her more if she’d walked away from her forever. They were connected, Lexa couldn't explain it, her feelings for Clarke were beyond just love - they were made for each other - but Lexa couldn't go there right now and, besides, Clarke didn't want to - so they'd just have to settle for being just friends for now. 

 

Lexa's leg was aching by the time she limps into the driveway of her house. She halts when she sees a familiar car parked out front and she frowns at what it was doing there. She stares at the car for a moment, as though it might give her the answer she wanted, and then shrugs and begins heading towards the front door of her house. Abby exits the house at that precise moment, and Lexa halts once again, the owner of the car stopping as well before carrying on her way. "Abby?" Lexa asks spinning around and the doctor stops in her step looking over her shoulder at the young teenager. "What are you doing here?" Lexa asks. 

 

"I told you that if you slipped up once again what I would do." Abby replies simply before carrying on her way. 

 

Lexa's eyes widen considerably, her heart stops in her chest and, for a long moment, she was certain she forgot to keep breathing. She watches as Abby's car takes off but she was frozen in place fighting every instinct that was telling her to run - ignoring the one that told her to fight. She was frozen in an internal battle with her instincts. 

 

In the end she didn't even get to decide because Indra was behind her and grabbing her by her hoodie and dragging her inside. _Why would Abby do this to her?_ _'I don't think you're a runner I think you're a fighter.'_ It was time to prove that insanely smart doctor right. Lexa was _done_ running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's really trying and Monty's being a little cute little smol bean and trying to help her. So Lexa's officially done running away from her problems and she's addressed some of her abandonment issues but she's got a long way to go to heal herself - I have faith in her. Indra's pissed tho...
> 
> Let me know your thoughts :)


	22. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa faces her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this chapter is mainly just Lexa but there's a small part with Clarke. I hope you all enjoy and thank you for all your comments on my previous chapters and the kudos :)

Lexa was sitting on the sofa in the living room alone. Apparently, Indra was having some kind of family meeting without Lexa and as the minutes crawled by Lexa was beginning to become increasingly nervous, being dragged inside the house by your collar didn't exactly scream pleasant conversation, but the silence was killing her - she'd much rather have Indra yelling at her or  _ something _ . Lexa was aware that Anya and Lincoln were home but she couldn't imagine they had anything to say to her and Lincoln's kicked puppy face was too much for Lexa to look at and Anya,  _ God Anya _ , was probably going to kill her. 

 

Lexa was pissed that Abby had told but what did she really expect? Sure she had said she'd tell Indra years ago when they had made their deal and Lexa had made a promise and then broken it - she had done that a lot recently. Still, Lexa couldn't help but feel like she was back in middle school and some kid had told on her for stealing a pencil or something though she understood the gravity of the situation was much worse. 

 

Indra enters the living room then and Lexa gulps. The woman was absolutely terrifying when she wanted to be, and this was one of those moments, she stood so tall and poise, her back stiff with tension, her eyes were fixed on Lexa, full of disappointment and anger, and she looked angrier than Lexa had ever seen her before. No one else came through the door, which Lexa was relieved about, having to face anyone else would've been too much. 

 

Indra throws a thick envelope down on the coffee table in front of Lexa and Lexa instantly recognises it as the package she had dumped in her trash. Lexa's eyes grow wide and her head snaps up to Indra's eyes that were staring at her full of fury. "I-I can explain-" Lexa begins but Indra cuts her off with a look. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line and her arms were crossed across her chest. Lexa had never felt more like a child around Indra as she did right now - she especially felt small with the woman towering above her while she remained seated. 

 

"Lexa, what were you thinking?" Indra's voice comes out surprisingly level but Lexa got the sense that her question was more rhetorical than anything. "Do you have any idea how angry I am with you? These things can kill you! Why would you ever get mixed up in them?" Indra asks and Lexa winces from her raised voice. Never had Indra raised her voice like that at Lexa, she always managed to keep calm, but not this time. 

 

"I'm sorry Indra, I just, I wasn't thinking." Lexa says desperately. 

 

"Clearly." Indra states, she shakes her head. "I don't know what to do with you. This is too far Lexa, if you have a problem come to me and tell me don't take something instead - that's stupid. God, could you imagine if you'd taken too much and I'd found you lying in your bed dead? Do you have any idea how much that would destroy me?" Indra looked emotional - one of the first times Lexa had seen her perfect emotionless mask down. "Your mother told me to protect you and to keep from doing stupid things like this, and look at you, I've failed her and you seemed to think that it was perfectly okay to do what you did." 

 

"I-" Lexa tries but Indra glares at her her eyes fiery with anger and her nostrils flared. 

 

"How long Lexa?" Indra says her voice becoming calm once again. Lexa didn't like it - how fast Indra went from being mad, upset to calm - it was a little unnerving and Lexa was a little scared of what she was planning on doing. 

 

"Just a few days."  _ This time, _ Lexa thinks to herself and something told Lexa that Indra knew that. She shakes her head again and tears her eyes away from Lexa to face the fireplace. She leans against it as though the conversation had drained her of all her energy or that she was so upset that she couldn't bear to hear what Lexa was saying. Lexa got it, why Indra was acting so angry, she'd be mad too, but she was family and Indra wouldn't do anything to Lexa,  _ would she? _

 

"You have to kick this habit." Indra says still not looking at Lexa but Lexa nods her head furiously anyway hoping that maybe Indra could still maybe see her. "That's why we've decided to send you to a rehab clinic where you'll get all the support you need." 

 

"Wait, what? Indra, please, no, no, no, no. Please, don't send me away, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll do anything just, please, don't send me away." Lexa begs standing up from her position. Indra turns to face her, hearing the movement, but she looked set in stone her mind already made up. Lexa rushes forward and wraps her arms around Indra's neck burying her head in her aunt's shoulder. "Please don't send me away, I don't want to leave, I'm sorry, I'm  _ so  _ sorry, I won't do it again." Lexa begs. Indra doesn’t bring her arms up around Lexa, she didn't offer her any sort of comfort, but that didn't mean her heart didn't break from the action or that she didn't feel a little hesitant to send Lexa away. Lexa was clinging to her for dear life as though at any minute she might be torn from Indra's arms and taken away. She was sobbing into Indra’s shoulder her tears soaking through her shirt. 

 

"Lexa." Indra says - she had to keep her mask on no matter how much it hurt to see Lexa like this. " _ Lexa _ ." Indra tries again stepping back slightly. Lexa steps back, her arms falling back to her sides, and her eyes were watery with a silent plea for Indra to not send her away. "I won't let you destroy your life with these stupid mistakes." She says. "What you did was idiotic, reckless and I'm severely disappointed in you." Lexa hangs her head feeling even smaller than she had before. "Go to your room, we'll talk later." Indra orders and Lexa follows her orders. 

 

She trudges up the stairs and stops when she sees her sister leaning on the doorframe to her room. Anya had her arms crossed across her chest and she was watching Lexa with disappointment clear in her eyes. "Anya-" Lexa tries but her sister steps back into her room and closes the door cutting off whatever Lexa was about to say. Lexa sighs, feeling her whole body deflate, and continues on her way to her room.  _ Was there anyone she hadn't disappointed? _

 

She wipes the stray tears away and collapses face first onto her bed. She couldn't leave. She'd only just talked to Clarke and she couldn't leave the Raven here alone. Lexa didn't realise how draining her day really had been until she felt herself drifting off. Her last thought before sleep dragged her under was:  _ please don't send me away.  _

 

The next time Lexa woke up was when she heard someone shuffling around in her room, more specifically, right next to her bed. She reaches out and grabs whatever she could of them and feels her hand wrap around a thick wrist - unmistakably Lincoln's. The boy freezes at the touch and snaps his head to the side to see Lexa blinking her eyes open to look at him. "How bad is it Linc?" Lexa asks and her cousin sighs. 

 

"I brought you food." He says softly sitting down on the edge of the bed. Lexa sits upright, leaning her back against the headboard, and she looks at her cousin who was looking, well,  _ sad  _ more than anything else. He hands Lexa the plate of pizza he had placed on her nightstand and Lexa takes the glass of coke he had put there too and she takes a long drink. He watches her carefully as she proceeds to eat but Lexa wasn't really hungry - she felt like there was cement in her stomach. 

 

"So are they sending me away?" Lexa asks after a couple bites of pizza. She picks at her food and Lincoln lets out a long sigh. 

 

"I voted not to." He tells Lexa and Lexa looks at him with surprise. "That doesn't mean I'm not as mad as they are but, Lex, you obviously knew what you were doing was wrong, and it seemed like you were trying to stop, so I thought you'd be able to get better here... under our strict supervision of course." He says and Lexa leans back against the headboard. 

 

"When did I become so screwed up Linc?" She asks and her cousin takes her plate and returns it back to the nightstand. 

 

"After everything this family has been through, I think we're all a little screwed up." Lincoln says softly. "You've just got to channel your feelings into something that doesn't involve something that could potentially kill you or damage you even further." Lexa peers at him curiously. 

 

"You said you voted not to send me away. So what did Anya say?" Lexa asks and Lincoln swallows nervously. 

 

"She voted to send you away." He says carefully and Lexa had to admit that stung her quite a bit. "You've got to understand what she's thinking though." 

 

"Tell me." Lexa says. "Tell me what she said." She instructs. She wanted to hear every last detail - no matter how hurtful it was. Lincoln looked unsure if he should say anything or not, he wasn't sure that he should be even talking to Lexa, but, then again, Lexa did kind of  deserve to know. 

 

"She told Indra and I that she didn't want to see you destroy yourself and that you'd be better off getting real help then staying here with us." Lexa laughs dryly at that and shakes her head. 

 

"That's the complete opposite of what I need." Lexa comments and Lincoln shifts slightly. 

 

"She's angry and hurt Lexa, she's your sister and she had no idea what you had been doing, you never came to her for help, what did you expect? Anya thinks that if you don't want her help then you won't want any help at all." Lincoln explains. 

 

"I want help Linc, I just don't want to be shipped off to some rehab clinic and treated like an addict for the rest of my life." Lexa replies because she did want help - really.

 

"You  _ are  _ an addict." Lincoln points out and Lexa stares at him for a long moment. 

 

"Not really." Lexa says. 

 

"Lexa, you can't even admit it." 

 

"Because I'm not!" Lexa snaps and Lincoln shakes his head turning away from his cousin. 

 

"Maybe  Anya's right." He mutters and Lexa frowns at him. 

 

"It was a bad decision, yeah, I own that, but Linc I'm never doing it again. I don't need to go, I need  _ you _ , I need Indra and I need Anya by my side." Lincoln looks at Lexa with sadness clear in his eyes and then he does something that surprises Lexa and wraps her in a tight hug. Lexa melts into the hug. Lincoln was warm and, despite his muscle mass, he was surprisingly cuddly. Lexa just hugs her cousin for the longest amount of time, revelling in the comfort it brought her, she almost didn't want to let go of the big guy in case it was the last time she ever did. 

 

Unfortunately for her, they were interrupted by the sound of Lexa's door opening. Lincoln pulls back first and the pair immediately look to the door to see Costia standing in the doorway. Lincoln looks at Lexa who gives him a small nod, telling him it was okay, and he stands up, ruffles Lexa's hair, causing the younger girl to scowl at him and him to smile at her, and then he was sidestepping past Costia and out of the room. 

 

Costia closes the door and steps uncertainly into the room. She glances around, not sure what to say or where to look, and Lexa just watches her carefully waiting for her to say what she had to say. "Roan told me." She states and Lexa looks at her dumbfounded. "After he left you and Niylah, he told me." Costia explains.

 

"And you didn't say anything?" Lexa asks suspiciously. If Costia had known surely she would've said she something - even if it was just to Lexa privately. 

 

"What was there to say?" Costia asks. "I know how you get but I thought you'd figure out it was a bad idea and then Niylah told me about... The other thing you did." Lexa frowns at Costia - she didn't like that she knew all of this without Lexa actually directly telling her. 

 

"So what? You come here to judge me, tell me I'm the lowest of the low, save your breath, I already know that." Lexa says pathetically. 

 

"No Lexa." Costia sighs as though that accusation actually hurt her. "I came to see if you're okay." 

 

"Just peachy." Lexa says sarcastically. Costia crosses the room and settles on the edge of the bed beside Lexa and the brunette's eyes don't leave the blonde for a second. 

 

"So how are things with Clarke?" She asks and Lexa narrows her eyes at the blonde. 

 

"Fine." Lexa replies and Costia raises her eyebrows. "I don't know, they're complicated, I told her about Niylah and she didn't even flinch. I-I don't know, I just think that maybe she needs a little time." Lexa shrugs. "Why are you here Costia?" 

 

"You invited me to stay." Costia replies. 

 

"You know what I mean, why are you  _ here  _ talking to me?" Lexa says with an eye roll. Costia smiles slightly and takes Lexa's hand in her own. The brunette frowns at the action but doesn't pull away -  _ they were friends, Costia was just trying to be supportive. _

 

"I was worried about you." Costia answers. 

 

"Well I'm okay so you can leave if you want." Lexa says. 

 

"If I want?" Costia asks and Lexa got the feeling that something was happening and she wasn't sure how she felt about it.  _ Costia was just being a friend, relax Lexa. _

 

"Cos what are you- what do you want?" Lexa asks confused and Costia smiles at her. 

 

" _ Nothing _ ." She says and her voice is far too suggestive for Lexa's liking. When Costia leans closer Lexa immediately moves back dropping the blonde's hand. 

 

"What are you doing?" Lexa asks anger evident in her voice. "I thought you came here to see if I was okay but you really came here to take advantage of me?" 

 

"Lexa-" 

 

"What the hell?" Lexa stands up distancing herself from Costia. "I know what I did with Niylah was wrong, and I was obviously in a very vulnerable situation, but you and me, Costia, what the hell?" Lexa asks. Costia stands up from her position on the bed and faces Lexa. 

 

"Come on Lex, you can't deny that you feel something for me, and now you're single." 

 

"I'm a  _ mess _ ." Lexa says feeling exasperated. "I thought we were friends again but that's as far as my feelings go for you anymore, you betrayed me and sided with Nia, I could never love you again, not like I used to." Lexa says and she was surprised at how much better she was feeling. After everything, she'd never actually told Costia how she felt after what she'd done - she had some unresolved feelings with the blonde. "You thought you could just come in here, spout all that ‘I was worried about you’ crap, and you'd get in my pants? Costia, you hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me in my entire life, you told me you loved me, you were my first, and then you betrayed me by telling Nia about my parents. You  _ destroyed  _ me." Lexa says and Costia's jaw clenches. 

 

"I was Azgeda and you were Trikru." Costia retorts.

 

"That didn't matter to me!" Lexa explodes. "And it shouldn't have mattered to you! I can't believe when you came running to me I was stupid enough to let you stay here, I can't believe I lied to Clarke about you being here, I can't believe I sacrificed myself again all for  _ you  _ and what do you do to repay me? Nothing. You take and you take but you never give." 

 

"That's hardly fair Lexa, what about you? You're not perfect, you fucking had sex only a few hours after breaking up with your girlfriend." 

 

"I was hurt!" Lexa protests. 

 

"Yeah, and that makes it okay right? When Lexa's hurt she gets what she wants, when Lexa's hurt let's all cater to her feelings, when Lexa's hurt it doesn't matter what the fuck she does because she's perfectly justified because, oh,  _ she's hurt _ !" Costia yells and Lexa was finding it increasingly hard to hold back her anger. She balls her hands into fists and grits her teeth. 

 

"You don't get to say that to me." Lexa says lowly. "You left me." 

 

"Well maybe I'm saying what Clarke's thinking." Costia replies angrily and Lexa stands up straight feeling like Costia had just slapped her across the face. "That's right, do you really think she's just okay with all this?" Lexa knew that Clarke was very good at compartmentalising, and she had a feeling that she hadn't been completely honest with her, but Lexa wasn't about to admit that. 

 

"Stop talking." Lexa growls and Costia laughs at her cynically. 

 

"Yeah, that's right, I bet she hates you even more." 

 

"Shut up." Lexa warns. 

 

"I bet she never even wants to see you again." 

 

"I said  _ shut up _ !" Lexa snaps. She lunges at Costia only to be caught by someone rushing into the room and grabbing her by the waist. 

 

" _ Lexa _ !" Lincoln yells and the brunette realises that her cousin was the one holding her back. She thrashes around in his arms, feeling her anger bubbling in her veins, Anya was standing just inside the room looking between Lexa and Costia with wide eyes. 

 

"What the hell is going on here?" Anya asks. 

 

"Nothing." Costia replies. "I'm leaving, Roan will take me back now and I'm obviously not welcome here anymore." Costia says glaring at Lexa who was still struggling against Lincoln. 

 

"Let me go!" Lexa yells kicking her feet out to exaggerate her seriousness. 

 

Costia begins walking out the room but not before she stops in the doorway to deliver her final blow. "For what it's worth, I recommend you send Lexa away, she's more trouble than what she's worth." Costia says and Lexa pounds at Lincoln's hands, she didn't even care about Costia anymore, she just wanted out of his arms - though she did kind of want to punch something. 

 

"Lexa, calm down." Lincoln orders. Anya was stood staring at her sister, who had now gone limp in Lincoln's arms clearly exhausted from her exertion, and she sighs. 

 

"I'll go make sure she leaves." Anya informs them. 

 

"She's Azgeda." Lexa says. "She was  _ living  _ here." Lexa wasn't sure if Costia just couldn't take rejection or if she had always been that sly and horrible -  _ didn't Clarke say something about the fact that Costia had specifically chosen to come to Lexa in the hopes of breaking them up? _ Maybe Costia had always been that way and Lexa had been blinded by her feelings to even notice. 

 

"I know." Anya replies exiting the room.

 

"Linc, seriously, let me go." Lexa says. 

 

"Do you promise you won't go after her?" He asks and Lexa can tell he's smiling. 

 

"Yes I promise, now please, release me will you?" Lincoln lets go and Lexa sits down on her bed too tired from her struggling to even bother going after Costia - plus her leg was aching now thanks to her flailing and kicking. 

 

"I think you'll be happy to know that Indra's come up with a plan." Lincoln says looking down at his cousin who really was more like a sister to him. Lexa raises an eyebrow though she felt nervous and on edge from Lincoln's words. "She spoke to Dr Green and they both came up with it." Dr Green was quickly becoming Lexa's saviour.

 

Clarke was sitting in her living room with her eyes closed and her head leaning against the back of the sofa. She had been studying but her way of throwing herself into her work in order to forget her problems was sadly not working out for her at the moment - she just couldn’t stop thinking about Lexa with  _ her _ .   

 

Raven takes that exact moment to enter the Griffin household with a box of donuts and a huge Raven Reyes grin plastered on her face. "I come bearing donuts." Raven says and Clarke sits up to look at her friend. Raven freezes near the doorway when she sees Clarke's eyes and the mechanic's eyes instantly soften. "She told you?" Raven asks. She sets the donuts down on the coffee table and sits down beside Clarke on the sofa facing her blonde haired friend. 

 

"You knew?" Clarke asks with a frown and Raven gives her a sheepish smile. 

 

"She told me in bio, hence why I yelled her name." Raven explains. "So did you rip her a new one or is she still standing?" Lexa may be Raven's friend but that didn't mean that Raven didn't still think that the brunette needed an ass kicking from time to time. 

 

"No." Clarke replies and Raven's hand, that was reaching for a donut, pauses. She leans back up and stares at Clarke furrowing her brow in confusion. 

 

"Wait,  _ what _ ?" Raven asks clearly surprised and Clarke sighs - she was already exhausted from her day she didn't need Raven interrogating her. 

 

"Lexa's in a fragile state at the moment, she doesn't need me yelling at her and making her go off the edge again." 

 

" _ Fuck that _ ." Raven says and Clarke frowns. 

 

"Raven-" Clarke begins.

 

"Listen to me Clarke, stop thinking like a goddamn doctor. ‘Lexa's in a fragile state’ yeah, well, so are you. She thought you were going to be mad and you just let her off the hook?" Raven asks. "Look, I love Lexa, okay, she's my friend, but even I know she royally fucked up and you can't be this selfless all the time Clarke, put your feelings first for once, it's okay to fall apart every once in awhile." 

 

"I'm just tired." Clarke says and Raven sighs feeling Clarke cuddle into her. She wraps her arms around the blonde and leans her chin on top of her head as Clarke leans into her chest. 

 

"Can I ask you something?" Raven asks and Clarke nods against her. "Do you hate her?" 

 

"I could never hate her Raven, I just, I don't think I can trust her after what she did… at least, not for awhile." Clarke confesses. 

 

"Do you hate me?" Raven asks and Clarke frowns pulling back from the embrace. 

 

"What? Why would I hate you?" Clarke asks. 

 

"Finn." Raven answers simply and Clarke shakes her head furiously. 

 

"Raven, you're my best friend, I love you. Finn...Finn broke me but you and O put me back together again." Clarke explains and she honestly didn’t know what she would do without those two. 

 

"And Lexa?" Raven asks. 

 

"What about Lexa?" Clarke says cautiously. 

 

"Did she break you?" Raven asks and Clarke takes a deep breath closing her eyes for a long moment. 

 

"Yeah, she did." Clarke breathes opening her eyes to find her vision blurry. 

 

"Then Clarke, take my advice." Clarke looks at Raven expectantly. "Get fucking angry, tell her how you feel and don't hold back, it's got to get worse before it can get better." Clarke nods. Raven was right, Clarke had to stop putting her walls up every time she got hurt and she had to just let them down and let all her hurt come crashing down - no matter how ugly it would be. Lexa was going through a hard time right now but if Clarke brought this up later when Lexa was back together again then she could revert back to her old ways and, as angry as Clarke was with the brunette, she never wanted to see her hurt herself. Plus Clarke wasn’t exactly in the best of mindsets either. 

 

"You're right." Clarke concedes and Raven grins - she was still convinced she was Switzerland so she had to try and support both of her friends . 

 

"Of course I'm right." Raven says cockily and Clarke laughs - maybe that was why Raven and Lexa gelled so well together. "Now shut up and eat a donut Griffin."

 

Lexa walks down the stairs once she's certain Costia had left, Lincoln was behind her, a supportive hand on her shoulder as they rounded the corner into the living room. She found Indra sitting in the arm chair, her sister in the other armchair and the couch completely empty. Lincoln smiles softly at her and takes a seat on one side of the sofa leaving Lexa standing in the doorway. "So is this some kind of intervention because I really don't need that." Lexa says and Indra fixes her with a stern look. 

 

"Sit down Alexandria." Indra orders and Lexa winces at hearing her full name - nothing good came from saying her full name. She follows Indra's instructions immediately after that and takes a seat at the far end from Lincoln distancing herself from all of her family members. "We're all extremely disappointed in you." Indra states and Lexa chances a glance at Anya who wasn't even looking at her - she was beginning to wonder if her sister would ever forgive her for not including her in her struggles. "As you know, we were trying to decide if it would be best if you stayed here or if you went to a clinic for professional help." Lexa looks back to her aunt with her stomach twisting and she was glad that all she'd eaten was a couple bites of pizza because she felt positively sick. "I called your doctor, Dr Green, and he proposed a plan that I think might be very beneficial to you, but he advised that we talk about our feelings with one another before that." Indra informs her. "Anya." Indra calls the older sister's name and she looks at her aunt with detached eyes before staring at her sister. 

 

Lexa looked so worried and small and just down right vulnerable. It reminded Anya of when she used to sneak into her room when they were younger after she'd had a bad dream - those were simpler times and she supposed everyone changed. "I don't get it Lex, I don't understand why you wouldn't talk to me. I'm your  _ sister _ , sisters are supposed to tell each other everything, and be there for each other no matter what, but you didn't even give me a chance." 

 

"An-" Lexaa begins but Anya just ignores her carrying on with what she was saying. 

 

"If you don't trust me then fine, but I don't want to see you hurt yourself, or self destruct anymore, it doesn't just hurt  _ you _ , it hurts everyone around you." Anya states and she turns her gaze away from Lexa signalling that she was done talking. Lexa slumps down in her seat from the guilt she felt from Anya's words because she was right, she didn't give anyone a chance, she just went and made bad choices and expected everyone to be okay with them. 

 

"Lexa." This time it was Lincoln talking and Lexa could actually face Lincoln. He gives her a sad smile but he was pretty much the only person Lexa could face out of all of her family members. "I understand why you thought you had to do what you did but that doesn't make it right. You should've talked to one of us and let us help you instead of turning to that dangerous path." He states simply. Nice and simple, which was just like Lincoln, but it was said softly and supportively - also classic Lincoln. "Don't be mad at Dr Griffin though, she did what she thought was right." Lexa huffs at that because, yes, Dr Griffin had done what was right but Lexa had a small suspicion she'd also done it to get back at Lexa for breaking her daughter's heart. 

 

Lexa turns to Indra next waiting for the nail in her metaphorical coffin. "I've already expressed my disappointment in you and your lack of consideration for the consequences of doing what you did, but I'm also disappointed in myself because I should've noticed you weren't yourself and I should've been someone you thought you could've come to and your choice not to tells me all I need to know." Indra says. "I hope that we are never in this position again, of all the things you have done as a member of Trikru Lexa, I never wanted you to get mixed up in drugs - that is something I have never condoned." 

 

Lexa sits back, feeling her family's comments like a weight on her shoulders, but she needed to hear them and Monty was right about getting all of their feelings out in the open. "Is there anything you wanted to add Alexandria?" Indra asks and Lexa takes a deep breath. 

 

"I'm sorry, and I mean it, I know what I did was wrong and I should've come to you,  _ any  _ of you, about what I was feeling but I don't deal well with feelings and I thought running from them was easier than facing them." Lexa explains remembering what Monty had told her in her session.

 

"So, you do actually listen to me when I talk." Lexa spins around to see Monty standing in the doorway of the living room and the brunette can't help but smile. 

 

"Monty?" She asks standing up. She rushes forward and hugs the doctor for dear life happy that the one person who understood her, and her actions, and listened to her was there right now. Sure Monty was her doctor but she also liked to think of him as her friend. Monty chuckles wrapping his arms around Lexa in response. 

 

"I heard you got into a lot of trouble kiddo." Monty didn't sound surprised which Lexa figured that he'd probably worked out what was wrong with her in their session together - especially with that question of him asking her what she did after her parents’ death -  _ of course he already knew. _

 

"World of shit." She mutters and Monty laughs remembering that's what she had said in their session. Lexa steps back from the hug when she feels a hand, that was not Monty's, rest on her shoulder. She looks to her left to see Indra standing beside her, she shakes Monty's hand and the young doctor smiles brightly at her. 

 

"Lexa, you should go pack a bag." Lexa didn't miss the fact that Indra had gone back to calling her Lexa instead of Alexandria. She looks at Indra with a concerned and frightened look in her eyes -  _ surely they hadn't called Monty all the way here just for him to witness her being hauled off to some clinic. _ "You'll be staying with Dr Green until further notice." 

 

"You're kicking me out?" Lexa asks in disbelief and Monty, realising how delicate this kind of situation was, especially for Lexa with her abandonment issues, steps in. 

 

"Lexa, no, you're free to come and go as you please but I thought that by you coming to stay with me for a little while you could get a new perspective, we can work through your problems and help you with the drugs and other issues." Monty explains softly. 

 

"So what? You'll be like my therapist twenty four seven?" Lexa asks. _Living with her therapist?_ _That was a little weird, wasn't it?_

 

"Essentially, you can talk to me whenever you feel like it and it'll be just like our sessions." Lexa got it, she opened up to Monty more than anyone really and living with him was a way of encouraging her to do so more often. She wasn't stupid, she knew what they were trying to do, but she had to admit that living with Monty was somewhat appealing: she'd be able to live a normal life for a little while, just be a normal teenager, no Trikru business, no drugs, no distractions, it'd be perfect for getting her back on track. 

 

"And detective Miller is okay with this?" Lexa asks because having a known gang member staying with you didn't exactly scream a  _ clean  _ cop. Monty nods anyway. 

 

"He has no choice either way but he's fine with it. He's a cop Lexa, his job is to protect and serve." Monty points out. Lexa glances at her family who were all looking at her with hopeful looks in their eyes. They wanted her to go, not because she was a burden or they wanted free of her, but simply because they genuinely thought this was the best for her. 

 

"You realise this is like a cheap rehab right?" Lexa asks sarcastically and Monty laughs. 

 

"If you'd prefer we could take you to an actual rehab centre." Monty says though it was an empty threat. 

 

"No, no, I think I'd much rather stay with you." Lexa replies.

 

"Then it's settled. Go grab your stuff and we'll be on our way." Lexa takes off leaving Monty standing in the doorway of the living room and Indra standing beside him. 

 

"Help her." Indra says and Monty nods his head.

 

"I'll try." He promises. 

 

They wait for Lexa who returns holding a duffel bag and wearing her infamous leather jacket and her heavy boots on her feet. Anya and Lincoln had moved to the front room along with Monty and Indra who were waiting at the bottom of the stairs. "You ready?" Monty asks with a kind smile. Lexa nods her head and Monty takes her bag from her hand. "I'll meet you in the car." He says looking her in the eyes and Lexa got the secret message there: _ say goodbye. _ He exits out the front door and Lexa turns to her aunt. 

 

"I'll be back before you know it." Lexa says. "Monty's a good guy... and doctor." Lexa reassures - if anyone could help her at the minute it was him. Indra nods her head once and Lexa continues on her way pausing at Lincoln. "Bye Linc." Lexa says giving him a hug. 

 

Lincoln squeezes her gently in reassurance and whispers. " _ Ste yuj _ ." in her ear. Lexa pulls back and nods her head. Then Lexa stops in front of her sister - who was now looking at her properly unlike before. 

 

"Get better." Anya says. "I love you Lex and I don't want to see you until you're better." Anya says seriously and Lexa nods. 

 

"You're such a sap." Lexa says lightly trying to ease the tension and Anya actually does crack a smile at that. 

 

"Shut up idiot." Anya says pulling Lexa in for a tight hug. "Come back as soon as possible yeah?" 

 

"Of course, try not to have too much fun without me." Lexa jokes.

 

"Impossible." Anya releases Lexa and she carries on her way to the front door. She pauses for a moment, glances over her shoulder at her family that were all watching her with sad eyes, she made a vow to herself that she'd get clean, she'd become better for them, they deserved better than what she gave them. 

 

"I love you guys." Lexa says one last time before exiting and closing the door. The admission itself was surprising because Lexa rarely expressed her feelings so openly, even simply saying that she loved her family was usual, but the moment was so emotionally charged that they understood why Lexa had felt the need to express her feelings. 

 

She walks down the drive towards Monty who was leaning against his car that was left running. He straightens up when he sees Lexa approaching and gives her a small comforting smile. "Everything's going to be okay." He says softly. 

 

"Is that a promise?" Lexa asks.  _ Surely he knew he shouldn't make promises that he couldn't possibly keep _ . 

 

"Let's call it hope." He replies before opening the car door for the brunette. Lexa slides inside and leans back in the comfortable seat of Monty's car.  _ Hope _ . Some people called it a dirty four letter word but it was the only thing that Lexa had going for her at the moment and, after all, hope was the last emotion left in the jar for a damn reason.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lexa's gone to live with Monty which, honestly, is going to make her life so much easier because Monty is always going to be there for whenever Lexa may need him and she's gonna need him - I also couldn't resist the urge for Miller and Lexa to have a friendship tbh. As always, let me know your thoughts!


	23. Sobriety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa actually likes living with Monty and Miller? Clarke finally tells Lexa how she feels and Raven's there to pick up the pieces for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is super long, I had no idea it was so long. I hope you still enjoy reading it though. Thank you for all your continued support :)

Monty grabs Lexa's bag from the trunk and leads the young teen up the short walkway to his front door. There were a couple of lights on which told Lexa that someone was home and she wasn't sure if it was Miller or possibly someone else. Monty was in front of Lexa so subsequently he reached the door first. He steps inside and Lexa tentatively follows suit closing the door behind her. "You can take off your jacket and hang it up there and your boots can just go beside Miller's. I tried to get him to move them but, after five years, it's kind of become his spot despite my protests." Lexa follows Monty's instructions plopping her boots down beside Miller's. 

 

Just then the young detective comes into the entryway and Lexa has to stifle a laugh at the detective wearing an apron. "I told you this apron was for girls!" Miller yells, pointing at his husband, but his good natured grin took all menace out of his words. Monty laughs and Lexa couldn’t hold back her laughter anymore. 

 

"And I told you that the only people who wear aprons are housewives and old grannies." Monty teases. Miller did look kind of ridiculous, the apron was only a waist one and it had lace along the edges but, overall, it was just plain white - Lexa just found the thought that a police detective was wearing an apron hilarious. 

 

"Good to see you Lexa." He finally greets the teenager with a warm smile. "If you tell any of the guys on the force about this then I swear I will personally lock you up for assaulting an officer." 

 

"I think it'd be more of  _ insulting  _ an officer." Lexa retorts and Miller chuckles but nods his head. 

 

"Okay, just so you know, in this house there is no detective, no cop, I'm just Nathan Miller. Although some people have taken to calling me Nate... or just Miller." He adds and Lexa nods. 

 

"This is kind of weird isn't it?" Lexa asks and Monty was still stood beside her holding her bag. "Living with my therapist?" Monty glances at Miller and he shrugs. 

 

"Not really, Monty's done this before, once or twice, but, as I understand it, my husband has taken quite the liking to you." Miller explains. "Besides, you're a good kid, nothing I can't handle. Just think of us as your extended family." 

 

"I already have one of those." Lexa says stubbornly -  _ did they really not think this whole situation was strange? _

 

"Fine, then as your  _ extended  _ extended family." Miller replies and Lexa rolls her eyes in defeat. She'd forgotten how nice Miller was, he was a good guy, she also knew he was a hardass when he was doing his job but she understood that there was no detective here, he was just himself, and so far none detective Miller was an annoyingly amazing guy. "Are you hungry?" He questions and Lexa did have to admit that once her nerves had finally settled she did feel awfully hungry. 

 

"Yeah actually." Lexa replies. 

 

"Why doing you go with Nate and grab some food and I'll take your bag to the guest room?" Monty suggests and Lexa nods her head. The teen follows Nate to what she assumes is the kitchen, throwing Monty a concerned glance over her shoulder, but he just smiles reassuringly and that's enough to put Lexa at ease - she trusted Monty. 

 

She enters the kitchen to find a small dining table in it and Miller gestures to one of the seats for her to sit at. Lexa gladly takes it relieved to finally take some weight off her feet - she was exhausted. Miller sets a plate of steaming spaghetti down in front of Lexa and the teen begins eating it right away happy to finally get something in her stomach. "So  tomorrow is Saturday." Miller says sitting down at a seat diagonal from Lexa. "Monty has a little plan for you." Miller comments with a grin and Lexa raises an eyebrow in suspicion. "You'll have to find out  tomorrow, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise." He says with a wink. Lexa decides to let it go - she'd find out soon enough anyway. "So only a few weeks until you finish your junior year, right?" Miller asks and Lexa finishes her plate. She sets her fork down and looks at the guy in front of her. 

 

"Yeah, why?" Lexa asks narrowing her eyes at him. 

 

"Relax Lexa, this is a safe place, you don't need to be so defensive." Miller says and Lexa relaxes slightly - it was just a natural instinct for her to be a little closed off to strangers. "What are you thinking about for colleges?" 

 

"I haven't." Lexa admits. "I don't think I'll be going to college." The idea of sitting through four years of school again did not appeal to the young teen at all. 

 

"You could always go to the academy." Miller suggest and Lexa snorts at his suggestion. He frowns at her and she plays with the cast on her arm. 

 

"Yeah, like  _ I  _ could become a cop." Lexa says sarcastically. The idea was ridiculous - _ no, ludicrous _ \- she was Trikru she wasn't officer material. 

 

"What? From what I've seen, you'd make a great cop." Miller says and Lexa raises her eyebrows in disbelief. "You're headstrong, clearly brave, you face danger and don't back down... and the whole misunderstood, wanting to do right thing, doesn't hurt either." Lexa looks at him dumbfounded and he just grins. "I know how to read people Lexa, I'm a detective." He reminds her. He had experience with people like Lexa: young, troubled teens, who tried to hide their emotions but they were like an open book to Miller. 

 

"Still, someone like me couldn't become a cop." Lexa says doubtedly. 

 

"To my knowledge, you've only been arrested for minor crimes, minor crimes that can be overlooked when applying, and that whole thing with Nia I'm pretty sure will be ruled as self defence." Miller says and Lexa tries to not show her relief at that information but she was  _ very  _ relieved. "Even this recent trouble you've been in wouldn't matter because it's off record." He shrugs and Lexa goes quiet with the thought. 

 

"Please tell me you're not forcing the girl to become a cop." Monty says lightly walking into the kitchen. He sits down at one of the chairs and Miller smiles at his husband. 

 

"No, but I know a good cop when I see one." Miller says standing up. Monty rolls his eyes at his husband's comment. The detective ruffles Lexa's hair, much to Lexa's annoyance, and exits the kitchen. 

 

"Sorry about him." Monty says with a kind smile as Lexa fixes her hair. "You've been through a lot, maybe you should get some rest?" Monty suggests and Lexa nods her head. "Unless you want to talk about something?" Monty asks and Lexa looks at him. 

 

"Why did you suggest I live here?" Lexa asks - straightforwardness was one of her many charming traits. Monty looked confused for a moment at the question before seemingly realising something. 

 

"Look, I know I'm supposed to only be your doctor, and that's a honour honestly, but I  _ care  _ about you Lexa. So when Indra called me, looking for advice and the best place to send you, I suggested here." He shrugs. "I still believe this to be the best place for you to be at the moment, I understand you, and I'd like to think we have some kind of level of trust." Monty concludes. Lexa chews her lip for a moment before nodding. 

 

"I do trust you." Lexa admits which wasn't easy for her. Trust and love were conflicting and confusing emotions that she'd rather not deal with but Monty brought her comfort that she couldn't really explain. Monty smiles softly and stands up gesturing for Lexa to follow. 

 

"Now  tomorrow, I have something planned so you need to be up and dressed by ten. Treat this place like you would your home Lexa, nothing is off limits." Monty says. 

 

"So no rules?" Lexa asks playfully. 

 

"I only ask that you don't get up to your usual shenanigans... and keep the door open if you have any girls coming over." 

 

"You're kidding?" Lexa asks in disbelief. Not that she would bring any girls over but she'd never had that rule before and it seemed a little ridiculous to her now. "You realise that I'm not a virgin right?" Lexa asks. 

 

"You will be under this roof." Monty replies but his tone implied he was joking. "Consider yourself a reborn virgin." He says with a mocking grin over his shoulder. Lexa snorts at such a ridiculous comment but decided to humour Monty anyway. 

 

"Yes sir." Lexa replies and he laughs. They walk down the hall until they reach what Lexa assumed was the guest bedroom. 

 

Monty enters and Lexa follows swiftly after. The room wasn't anything special, the fact that it was a guest bedroom showed through the lack of anything personal, but it still oddly felt homely to Lexa. The bed was double, the walls were plain and cream and the carpet was a brownish colour - not a bad room for Lexa to be holed up in. "I'll let you sleep, I'm sure after the day you've had you're exhausted." Monty says placing a comforting hand on Lexa's shoulder before exiting. He closes the door after him and Lexa lets out a long sigh. 

 

She collapses on the bed, not bothering to take her clothes off, and is pleasantly surprised when she finds the mattress comfortable and soft. She buries her head in the pillow and takes a deep breath. Costia was right, maybe a little bitchy, but right nevertheless. Clarke wasn't just going to be okay with everything, she couldn't just be  _ okay  _ with everything, it was too easy, it was too - it was too good to be true. Lexa didn't want Clarke lying about how she felt, that would never solve their problems, the only way they were getting through this was by being honest with each other. Lexa's phone beeps and she pulls it out of her pants’ pocket to see who it was. 

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Anya told me you went to live with your shrink, are you okay? _

 

_ [Lexa Woods] - I'm fine Raven  _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Don't lie to me Woods >:( _

 

_ [Lexa Woods] - I'm a little overwhelmed but fine, I promise  _

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Call me.  _

 

Lexa sighs but calls her friend anyway just so she could satisfy her. "Raven, I told you, I'm fine." Lexa says with an eye roll when the mechanic picks up the phone. 

 

"Yeah, well, you tend to say that a lot and not mean it." Raven argues. "Are you insane by the way? I knew about Niylah but I had no clue about the drugs. I'm so mad at you." 

 

"Not you too." Lexa whines and she hears Raven's soft sigh sound from the other side. 

 

"God, you are so hard to stay mad at." Raven admits. "Hey, I'll talk to you soon alright? Anya and I have to talk a little more." Raven informs Lexa. 

 

"She's there?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Hm?" Raven asks distractedly. "Oh yeah, she's here." 

 

"Please tell me you're not about to have sex with my sister while I'm on the phone." 

 

"You're the one still on the phone." Raven accuses. 

 

"Oh my God, that's disgusting." Lexa complains. "Please tell my sister that I am very disappointed in her." 

 

"Excuse me? As if having sex with me is a huge disappointment." Raven says feigning hurt and Lexa laughs. 

 

"Whatever Raven, just, next time don't tell me to ring you if my sister is right next to you and you two are getting it on." Lexa says. She hears shuffling from the other side and Lexa shudders at the thought of whatever they were doing. "Goodbye Raven." Lexa says going to hang up. 

 

"Night Lexi!" Raven calls down the line cheerfully. 

 

"Night Lexa!" Anya chimes. "I'm about to bang-" Lexa hangs up not wanting to hear the last of that sentence. She tosses her phone to the side and closes her eyes. She just wanted to sleep. So far Miller seemed like a good guy and Lexa had always known Monty was kind. The thing about her becoming a cop had been ridiculous, yes, but Lexa was beginning to think that maybe it wasn't completely impossible. She shakes her head before turning over and closing her eyes tightly. Eventually, sleep took over and Lexa was asleep in what was now her temporary home. 

 

Lexa woke up to the smell of bacon drifting up the stairs. Her stomach grumbles and she sits up groggily to look around. For a second she forgot where she was before remembering that she was now staying with Monty and Miller. She was still wearing her clothes from last night so she stands up and heads to the bathroom in the hopes of getting cleaned up. 

 

Once she was smelling sufficiently better, with fresh clothes on, and a brush dragged through her wild curls, Lexa was plodding her way down the stairs. She heads straight to the kitchen and takes a seat at the dining table. Miller, who was flipping a pancake, notices the brunette and offers her a smile. "Morning." He greets and Lexa nods in acknowledgement. "Did you sleep well?" He asks curiously plating up the last of the food. 

 

"I did actually." Lexa admits. Miller crosses the room and places the food down in front of the brunette before setting two more down. Monty enters then, dressed in a sweater, tie, pants and smart shoes - he was obviously working that day otherwise he wouldn't be dressed so formally or smart. 

 

"There he is." Miller greets his husband with a quick kiss on the cheek before settling down in a seat across from Lexa. 

 

"You're a great housewife Nate." Monty jokes which coaxes a smile from Lexa. 

 

"Excuse me?" Miller feigns hurt. "I am obviously a trophy wife, right Lexa?" Lexa laughs at that and shakes her head. 

 

"Sure Miller, you're a piece of eye candy." Lexa plays along and Miller looks smugly at Monty who was also sitting down to begin eating. 

 

"She's gay, she doesn't know when a guy is a good price of eye candy." Monty retorts just to wipe that smug expression of his husband’s face. Lexa almost chokes on the orange juice she was drinking when she hears that and she laughs at the statement. Of course Lexa could appreciate when a guy was good looking, she just didn't really feel the attraction there, so really Monty was wrong but it was entertaining nevertheless. 

 

Monty grins and Miller frowns at the pair. "Shut up and eat my food." Miller says with a huff of annoyance. They all begin eating and Lexa had to admit that she could get used to this. Dare she actually admit that she genuinely liked the pair? They were fulfilling a hole that Lexa didn't really know she had in her life, they were light natured and fun, they were good people and Lexa could ask for nothing more. 

 

Once they were finished Monty stands up and claps his hands together drawing the attention of everyone to him. Lexa raises an eyebrow curiously and Miller smirks knowingly. "Alright Lexa, we should get going." He says glancing at his watch. Miller stands up and gathers all the dishes that they had used. 

 

"Where exactly are we going?" Lexa asks - she was curious and it seemed like a legitimate question to ask. 

 

"Somewhere special. Now come on, I'm walking you there and then to work and I don't want to be late." He says gently before exiting the kitchen. 

 

"Good luck kid." Miller calls over his shoulder and Lexa frowns at that. She pulls on her usual heavy boots and collects her leather jacket where she had hung it last night and slips it on. Monty smiles softly at the teen and then he's out the door and Lexa can do nothing else but follow the guy to God knows where. 

 

Monty had his arm slung over Lexa's shoulders in a casual way that Lexa actually didn't mind the contact. Normally, she squirmed at any kind of physical contact - unless it was, of course, permitted by herself - but Monty was just so easy going she couldn't bring herself to get mad at the guy. 

 

They were walking down the high street that was home to many different shops - one or two that Lexa may or may not be banned from. Monty was talking happily about some TV show but Lexa wasn't honestly paying attention to him; she was distracted by Clarke. The blonde plagued her every thought and Lexa was beginning to think it was the whole forbidden fruit things that people talk about.  _ Lexa wanted, what Lexa couldn't have. _ Maybe she'd never taste that fruit again.  _ Ew, did she just use fruit as a metaphor for Clarke? _

 

The brunette shakes her head, dispelling her scattered thoughts, when she hears Monty say her name. "Lexa?" He asks again and Lexa blinks a few times completely unsure of what he had just said. "I said we’re here." He says with a smile and Lexa looks to her left to see a store. A lame store. It was a flower shop named ‘Jasper and Maya's Blooming Business’. Lexa rolls her eyes at the stupid name and looks at Monty quizzically. 

 

The doctor leads Lexa inside with the sound of a bell ringing signalling that someone had entered the shop. A young man exits the back with a wide smile, so wide that the Grand Canon would be jealous, short messy black hair and brown eyes. He wastes no time in enveloping Monty in a tight and firm embrace. The young doctor chuckles and pats the other man on the back happily. 

 

He pulls away after a second and then his eyes land on Lexa. "So this is the girl?" He asks Monty who nods. His smile widens -  _ if that was even possible _ \- and he extends his hand to the brunette. "I'm Jasper, it’s a pleasure to meet you." He says. Lexa stares at his hand for a long moment, crossing her arms across her chest, and the young man laughs nervously before dropping it. 

 

"Lexa isn't one for formal introductions." Monty says dismissing the awkwardness. 

 

"I can see that." Jasper comments but his smile took all menace out of his words. He was like a giant walking child, that much Lexa could tell, immature and a joker. 

 

"Jasper is my best friend, we've known each other since high school." Monty tells Lexa who nods. "That's why I trust him to look after you and for him to not work you too hard." 

 

"Wait,  _ what _ ?" Lexa asks in disbelief. "I'm working here? In a  _ flower  _ shop?" Lexa asks and Monty chuckles. 

 

"Hey what's wrong with flowers?" Jasper protests. 

 

"Yes Lexa,” Monty ignores Jasper’s comment. “I think working here will keep you out of trouble and focus your mind on things other than drugs." Monty says. "In rehab, many people are given tasks or jobs to help them and I think this could benefit you." 

 

"Yeah, plus it's a  _ flower  _ shop." Jasper adds gaining Lexa's attention. "You literally have to do nothing." He answers. Lexa wasn't sure about Jasper, his positivity was a little annoying if she was completely honest, and he hadn't stopped smiling once since they had gotten there. Monty rolls his eyes and places a hand on Lexa's shoulder. 

 

"I'll be back at 5 to pick you up okay? Just try and relax, Jasper's a good dude and I promise you he won't work you too hard." Monty says with a soft smile and Lexa relaxes slightly at his touch and words. "Just, if he asks if you want any special brownies say no." Monty tells her causing the girl to raise an eyebrow and to frown slightly. 

 

"Hey, my special brownies are purely medicinal." Jasper protests and Monty rolls his eyes pulling a laugh from Lexa's lips. 

 

"Sure they are Jasp." Monty says sarcastically. "Whatever, just make sure Lexa doesn't-" 

 

"I got it man, you can count on me." Jasper interrupts and Monty sighs. 

 

"I know I can." Monty admits. He pats Jasper affectionately on the shoulder and gives Lexa one final look before exiting the store. If Monty found Jasper to be reliable, and was good friends with him, then  _ maybe  _ Lexa could tolerate him. 

 

"Alright, first things first, we have to go around and water all the flowers." He says walking to the counter and picking up two watering cans he had obviously prepared before hand. He hands Lexa one and keeps one for himself. "Just give them a good old soak but not too much and not too little." He warns on the end and Lexa nods. 

 

A flower shop was a bad idea. Lexa was seeing Clarke more than ever now, like that one blue flower that was the colour of the sky and reminded Lexa of the blonde's deep blue ocean eyes, or that sun flower that reminded Lexa of her bright blonde hair that out shined even the brightest star in the sky - even the sun. Clarke was every damn where. Even Jasper - whose personality kind of infuriated Lexa - his positivity only reminded Lexa of Clarke's idealism and her goal to make the world a better place through becoming a doctor. She'd never hated flowers before but she certainly did now. 

 

"Once you're done Lex, you can just sit on the counter." Jasper calls from somewhere in the shop. 

 

"Lexa." Lexa corrects grudgingly. She didn't know what got on her nerves with this Jasper character but it was  _ something.  _ He was actually quite a lovable idiot, and Lexa could see herself liking him, but she was just being her usual aloof self and keeping him at an arm’s length. She didn't get a response from Jasper so she assumed that meant that he hadn't heard her - or maybe he just didn't have anything to say in response. She really hoped that this day would go fast and she could return back to Monty and Miller's warm home. 

 

Lexa was working in a flower shop.  _ How ridiculous was that? _ Clarke had noticed her as she had been walking down the highstreet. Clarke didn't want the brunette to be getting better, selfishly, she kind of wished she was miserable and suffering with guilt from her actions. But, looking at her as she sat on the counter chatting happily with the man behind the till, Clarke felt a stab of anger right in her heart. It felt like a betrayal and,  _ damn it _ , Raven was right. She couldn't just suppress her feelings anymore otherwise things would never get better and she'd be silently resenting the brunette -  _ that wasn't okay _ . 

 

Clarke storms forward into the store and the brunette only just notices her when she's about a few meters away. Clarke grabs her by the wrist, surprising the brunette with the harshness of her grip, and pulls her towards the exit. Jasper watches with a small smile and head shake as the young teen is practically dragged out of his store. 

 

Clarke exits the store and only then does she release Lexa's wrist before she whirls on her. This wasn't exactly the most of private of places for her to confront Lexa but she needed to say what she had to say and she had to say it now. 

 

Lexa, however, was sweating. The look in Clarke's blue eyes was positively terrifying. She'd studied Clarke's eyes long enough to know the different shades well but she'd never seen the colour they were now. They mirrored that of a violent storm: dark blue and hard and yet they also struck Lexa with a coldness that she couldn't place and a shiver runs down her spine.  _ No _ , Lexa knew this was not going to be a pleasant conversation but she also knew she needed to hear it. 

 

"I love you." Clarke says and Lexa stares at her completely dumbfounded. It wasn't like it was the sweetest of ‘I love you's’,  _ no way _ , it was tainted with bitterness and regret and Lexa felt her heart break. "I  _ love  _ you you  _ idiot _ !" Clarke pushes Lexa back harshly and the brunette stumbles. I love you shouldn't feel like a bullet to the chest. "I love you  _ so much _ that I can't even hate you." Lexa's eyes soften immediately but Clarke looked pissed and she certainly didn't look like she wanted Lexa's comforting. "I wish I could, I really do, but I can't. Lexa, you're the one who always runs away, you're the one who always gets to go off and do whatever you want because you're  _ hurt _ , and I can't take that. I  _ can't  _ and I  _ won't _ ." Clarke deadpans. "We fight, you run away, you do stupid things and I'm just expected to forgive you? Well I don't! You... you  _ slept  _ with someone only hours after we broke up! How do you expect me to trust you after that? How do I not know that every time we fight that you won't go running off and sleep with someone else? And you won't even  _ care  _ because you're  _ you  _ and whatever  _ you  _ do when you're spiralling out of control is always,  _ perfectly,  _ justifiable!" Clarke felt frustrated. She felt like she had so much more to say but she also wanted Lexa to say something -  _ anything _ . 

 

"I do care Clarke." Lexa speaks up. People were staring at the teenagers as they passed by which Lexa found a little embarrassing. It was one thing for Clarke to confront her in private but publicly? She felt humiliated. 

 

" _ Obviously not _ !" Clarke explodes. "I hate that I can't hate you. This is all your fault." Clarke pushes her again and Lexa clenches her jaw at the impact. "You were my  _ first  _ Lexa, I trusted you, you told me you loved me, you said you'd never hurt me, you  _ promised  _ me!" Lexa hangs her head in shame and feels Clarke shove her again. The blonde was hysterical, tears streaming freely down her face, but, ultimately, she was feeling better. "You're a  _ liar  _ Lexa and the worst part is I actually thought you were good." 

 

"Clarke-" Lexa tries. 

 

" _ No _ ! It's not about what you've done with Nia or with Trikru, I didn't care about that Lexa, but you betrayed my trust, I can't  _ trust  _ you, and that kills me." 

 

"I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa says with her green eyes glassy. Normally, Lexa was reserved when it came to her emotions but with Clarke she never could keep them a secret. She was hurting, more than any other time she had been spiralling, but Clarke didn't care -  _ of course she cared - _ but it brought her a sick kind of satisfaction. Lexa shouldn't be allowed to just be okay while Clarke suffered. 

 

"I know," Clarke relents, stepping back from the brunette, and she truly did know. The regret was clear as day, written in the green eyes that stared into blue ones. "but That doesn't make it okay." Lexa sighs knowing that to be true. "I don't forgive you Lexa, I can't trust you, and I think it'd just be best if we took some time. I need some time to think on my own." Lexa nods her head in understanding. Clarke lets out a breath she didn't know she had been holding and looks down at the ground and away from the green eyes full of hurt in front of her -  _ she's hurting. _

 

"Prove it to me." Clarke mutters. Lexa frowns in confusion and Clarke looks up to meet the brunette's eyes. "You're hurting right? So don't pull a Lexa and go do something stupid. Promise me you won't do anything stupid." Despite her anger Clarke would never want any harm to befall Lexa. Lexa didn't know how much worth her word carried with Clarke anymore, clearly not as much as it used to, but she nods her head anyway. 

 

"I promise." Lexa vows.  _ No more running, no more self destructive behaviour. _ That was the new Lexa -  _ Lexa 2.0 if you will _ . "About Niylah," Lexa begins. "she didn't mean anything to me Clarke. I was just... it was a stupid mistake." 

 

"That doesn't make me feel better Lexa." Clarke spits being reminded of her anger. "It doesn't change what you did." 

 

"I know but I lo-" 

 

" _ Don't _ ." Clarke snaps cutting off what Clarke knew was going to be a love admission - Lexa was making this harder than it had to be. "Time and space. That's what I  _ need  _ from you right now." Lexa nods again unable to formulate words - even if she had been able to she was certain they'd come out hurt and broken. Clarke was her soulmate, Lexa had been certain of that, but now she wasn't so sure. 

 

Clarke studies the girl in front of her, drinking in her appearance since she didn't know when she'd next get to see the brunette. "Goodbye Lexa." Clarke says softly. 

 

"Goodbye Clarke." Lexa whispers after her. She watches as the blonde disappears into the thick crowd that was lining the street before her blonde hair was completely out of her line of sight. Lexa almost wanted to throw all her hard work away, she  _ almost  _ wanted to snap, but she'd made a promise and she had a responsibility not only to Clarke but to Monty and her family as well. She turns towards the flower store where Jasper was watching her carefully - probably waiting for her to run - he gives her a warm smile of understanding and the brunette sucks in a deep breath. 

 

_ Yes _ , she was hurting,  _ yes,  _ she was a little broken, but Clarke had let all of her anger out. It gets worse before it gets better, that's what they always said, and Lexa could not feel any worse which meant it could only get better. She walks towards the store and enters it without a word uttered at Jasper - no words were needed.

 

Clarke rushes home and as soon as she enters her house she slams the door closed and leans against it for support. She felt like she was suffocating, like she'd just cut off a vital life support that she needed to keep on living. She slides down the door and lands on the floor with a thump. Everything looked shit. Clarke had never felt so alone, she never felt alone, but Lexa had brought her something so consuming and so beautiful that, without it, Clarke felt like she was drowning and that she had been abandoned - left in the cold to fend for herself. 

 

Clarke digs around in her pocket for a moment before fishing out what she was looking for. She dials the number instinctively and waits patiently as the phone rings. She didn't have to wait very long. After the second ring the person answers the phone. "Clarke?" The voice asks and Clarke felt just that little bit better hearing her best friend's voice. 

 

"I need you Raven." Clarke says pathetically. 

 

"I'll be right there." Raven replies instantly. There was no questions, no ‘I'll just finish what I'm doing’, or ‘do you really need me’, Raven came right away because that's who Raven was. She was an amazing friend that Clarke didn't know what she would do without. 

 

It takes Raven approximately five minutes to get to Clarke's and the blonde had removed herself from the floor and staggered her way to the sofa in the living room in those five minutes. Raven bursts through the door and hurries inside stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "Clarke!" She calls out for the blonde and Clarke feels her heart swell. 

 

"In here Ray." Clarke says dejectedly. Raven wastes no time and heads towards the living room stopping in her tracks when she sees Clarke sniffling with red rimmed eyes. She rushes forward and pulls her friend into a tight embrace, gently stroking her hair soothingly and wrapping her in a protective cocoon. Clarke feels herself beginning to become emotional again and she lets out all of her emotions as Raven holds her. Raven just stays quiet apart for her soothing shushing and gentle movements of her hands. 

 

They stayed like that for god knows how long until Clarke pulled back to look at her best friend. "I talked to Lexa." Clarke breaths calming herself down considerably - she'd just been so overwhelmed with emotion that she couldn't have said anything as she was crying into Raven's shoulder. Raven's eyes soften considerably and she offers Clarke a small comforting smile. 

 

"Did you tear her a new one?" Raven repeats her question that she had asked previously and Clarke lets out a breathy laugh at her friend. 

 

"I think I did." Clarke admits. Admitting that she didn't trust, and that she wished she could hate Lexa, must have been hard to hear - especially since it had been hard for Clarke to say. 

 

"That’s my Griff Griff." Raven says affectionately. "I'm proud of you." Raven says seriously. "As much as I love Lexa, she needed to hear what you had to say and you needed to say what you had to say." Raven says trying to comfort Clarke further. Clarke nods in understanding knowing that Raven was right. She did feel better after getting everything off of her chest; Clarke knew that had she held onto her anger then it would've resurfaced in a much more violent and potentially hurtful way then it just had. She didn't want to resent Lexa, Lexa was the last person she wanted to hate but she was also the first and that was so fucked up that Clarke wasn't even sure she was thinking straight anymore. "It's going to be okay Clarke." Raven assures kissing her gently on the top of the head and Clarke leans into Raven more relaxing in her warmth. 

 

"When?" Clarke whispers before closing her eyes.

 

"She hates me,"  _ One petal. _ "she hates me not,"  _ Another petal _ . "she hates me,"  _ Another petal _ . "she hates me not." Lexa picks another and let's it flutter to the small pile she had created. 

 

"Alright, get your moping teenager butt off my counter." Jasper says shooing Lexa away. Lexa sighs picking another petal.  _ She hates me. _ "It's disgusting, seriously, get up Lexa." Jasper says leaning forward. 

 

"She hates me not." Lexa mumbles in response ignoring Jasper and picking another petal off. 

 

"You realise that's my merchandise you're destroying?" Jasper asks and Lexa knew he was just being sarcastic, and trying to make her feel better, but there was no making her feel better - not when it involved Clarke. 

 

"She hates me." Lexa says watching the petal fall from her fingers - she only had two petals left on the flower. 

 

"Isn't it supposed to be she loves me, she loves me not?" Jasper asks with a smile but Lexa wasn't feeling it at all. She picks another petal and tosses it down,  _ she hates me not. _

 

"Love and hate are two of the same thing." Lexa replies glumly and Jasper frowns. 

 

"That was deep Lex," He comments. "but you've got to stop beating yourself up." Lexa plucks the last petal from the flower and holds it up to her face. 

 

"She hates me." Lexa finishes before releasing the petal and letting it float down to the ground. Jasper sighs at the young girl's mood. 

 

"It gets better." Jasper says softly. 

 

"I don't want it to get better." Lexa replies sliding off the counter. "I deserve to feel this terrible. Clarke doesn't deserve to feel anything but happiness and I robbed her of that." 

 

"God, you are such a lovesick puppy." Jasper comments. Lexa glares at him and his grin falters. "It gets better." Jasper repeats but this time emphasizing his words and Lexa sighs. Right now it felt like Lexa had a giant hole in her chest that would never be filled so she didn't see how that could get better. She felt hollow and small - maybe she had been right when saying she was the scummiest scum on the planet. "How about I make you a hot chocolate? Will that make you feel a little better?" Jasper suggests. 

 

"I want to go home." Lexa says. For a moment, Lexa wondered what home even really meant to her but the image of Miller and Monty had been her first thought. Something about that scared her, Lexa was far too close to them for her liking, but she couldn't bring herself to care. They were family now as far as Lexa was concerned; Monty genuinely cared and Miller was a kind guy - even if he tried to pretend he wasn't. They were almost like the dad Lexa had never really had. Her real father had been callous and controlling, teaching Lexa love is weakness and, ultimately, that feelings were a waste of time that put you and others in unnecessary danger and, honestly, Lexa couldn't deny that it didn't - what with her whole current situation - but her father had been mostly unaffectionate, much to young Lexa's dismay, she'd always just wanted the kind of dad you could go to and tell your worries to but also the one that payed attention to you and wanted to do activities like go to a baseball game - Monty and Miller were a nice combination of both. 

 

When Lexa really thought about it, it was a little messed up and strange that she considered them as a father figure in her life but how could she not? She'd never really known anything like that before. "Monty will be here to pick you up in about an hour or so." Jasper informs her and Lexa slumps against the counter again feeling dejected and hurt. 

 

"Is he always going to chaperone me?" Lexa asks and Jasper turns on his heel heading towards the back room. 

 

"Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be with Monty and not sitting in a rehab centre right about now?" Jasper asks. Lexa grumbles in response and Jasper sighs getting the sense that Lexa wasn't going to lighten up any time soon. "I’m making you a hot chocolate and then Monty will be back before you know it." Jasper says leaving no room for argument. 

 

"Can I have a special brownie to go with that?" Lexa asks and Jasper turns to stare at her in disbelief. "I'm just kidding." Lexa assures and Jasper sighs in relief. "I really wanted two." She mutters and Jasper narrows his eyes at her. "Alright, alright, no drugs for me, I got it." Lexa says lifting her hands up in surrender, it's not like she had actually wanted the brownies, she was simply using her sarcasm as a deflection instead of showing Jasper how truly hurt she was feeling - Jasper got it though. "You have to admit though, Monty leaving me with a pothead was kind of a stupid idea." Lexa comments and Jasper chuckles his childish persona returning. 

 

"Monty's just trying to look after you and he knows I would never give you anything." Jasper says pointing at the brunette to emphasise his point - plus Monty was probably one of the smartest guys alive.

 

Octavia had joined the two best friends to make up their trio. The girls were both snuggled into Clarke's side under a blanket and she couldn't have asked for a more warm or safe cocoon if she tried. Her two best friends were everything to Clarke, they'd been there through everything, and, although they may fight from time to time, they always found their way back to each other and they were always there for one another when one of them might be falling apart. Clarke loved them so much and she was so thankful for them. "Why is she even working in a flower shop?" Clarke asks interrupting the movie and the calm silence. Octavia and Raven both look up at Clarke sporting the same disapproving frown. 

 

"We're having a no Lexa moment, remember?" Octavia asks. 

 

"I know, I'm just curious, I mean, just a few days ago she was a badass member of Trikru and now she's working in a flower shop? That doesn't seem right." Clarke voices her confusion and Raven sits up. She looks sheepishly at her best friend who raises an eyebrow. 

 

"I don't know why she's working there but I do know she's moved out of Indra's, at least, temporarily." Raven confesses and Clarke's jaw drops open slightly her eyes widening. 

 

"What?" Clarke asks shaking her head. Even Octavia was staring shocked - Lincoln hadn't told her about that. 

 

"Indra found out about the drugs, got really mad, was going to send her away, until they came to a compromise." Raven shrugs picking up the bowl of popcorn off of the coffee table. 

 

"Compromise?" Clarke asks and Raven sighs. 

 

"She's living with Dr Green, her therapist, to work through her problems. The flower shop must be his idea and some kind of therapy." Raven surmises. Clarke turns away from the brunette with that new piece of information. "Hey, do you mind if I take off?" Raven asks. "I just remembered that I have this project that I'm working on that I haven't finished yet." Clarke smiles at Raven and pulls her into a hug surprising the young mechanic. 

 

"I don't mind." Clarke says. "Thank you for being here for me." 

 

"Anytime princess." Raven says softly. 

 

"If you two are interested in blowing off some steam, Bellamy has a party  tomorrow ." Octavia suggests. It was a Sunday, and the next day would be school, but Clarke felt like a party was exactly what she needed - she'd been cooped up in the house for far too long. "He gave me specific instructions to bring Clarke along. Claims he needs to have a chat with you." 

 

"I'm offended." Raven says with a grin distracting Clarke from asking what exactly Octavia meant by Bellamy wanted a  _ ‘chat’  _ with her. "Did no one specifically request me?" 

 

"I did." Octavia says with a smile. 

 

"Aw, O, you warm my heart." Raven coos leaning down and kissing Octavia on the head. She ruffles the younger girl's hair and the small brunette swats at her to step back. 

 

"Whatever, next time I won't, loser." Octavia says pushing her back playfully. 

 

"I'm in." Raven replies. "Any excuse to get drunk and hang out with my girls." Raven says with a broad smile. Clarke considers it for a moment feeling her friends's eyes land on her. 

 

"Fine, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Clarke relents and Raven and Octavia high five each other. 

 

"Oh, wait, can I invite Anya?" Raven asks hesitantly eyeing Clarke awkwardly. 

 

"I don't see why not." Clarke says sensing her friend's concerns were more for her than anything else. 

 

"And Lincoln?" Octavia bites her lip and looks at Clarke with pleading eyes. 

 

" _ Lincoln _ ?" Raven asks with surprise. "When did that become a thing?" Octavia blushes and shrugs her shoulders. 

 

"It hasn't, not yet." Octavia answers and Raven looked like she was about to say a smartass comment back but Clarke cuts her off. 

 

"Seriously guys, it's okay." Clarke assures. Octavia and Raven exchanged worried glances for a second as the blonde focuses on the popcorn in her lap. 

 

"What if Lexa shows up?" Octavia voices the question that none of them had the courage to ask and Clarke sighs. 

 

"Then she shows up." Clarke shrugs. "Maybe I can make her jealous... or, hey, get my revenge." 

 

"Clarke-" Raven warns before Clarke cuts her off. 

 

"I know, I'm not serious Ray, I would never do that, I just, I don't know, I want her to feel how I felt you know?" Clarke admits and Octavia watches her for a moment. Raven bids her farewells leaving Octavia and Clarke alone. 

 

The younger Blake shuffles a little and leans her arm on the back of the sofa and leans her head on her hand. "You know," She begins drawing Clarke's attention to her. "they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new." Octavia says eyes glinting. 

 

"O, if you're offering-" 

 

"Shut up Griffin." Octavia says with an eye roll and Clarke laughs. "I'm just saying, if you wanted to, you could." Octavia says. "You and Lexa aren't together anymore." 

 

"I think it's a little soon for that." Clarke says trying to resist the urge to cringe at the thought of anyone  _ but  _ Lexa touching her. "I'm not ready to get over Lexa yet." 

 

"Alright, well let me know when you are and I'll find you a really cute guy... or girl... or whatever you want." Octavia says with a kind smile and Clarke chuckles nodding her head in response. 

 

"I love you O." Clarke says snuggling into the shorter brunette's side. 

 

"I love you too Griffin." Octavia says lightly. "Now let's go eat our weight in ice cream."

  
  


Lexa was sitting on the bed in the guest room that she was staying in. She hadn’t left her position there since Monty had picked her up and she had told him -  _ reluctantly  _ \- about Clarke. She was throwing a ball against the wall and catching it as it bounced back at her. She was trying to keep her mind off of Clarke by doing something but it just wasn't working. The blonde was everywhere she looked: the blue of the walls reminded Lexa of the ocean in Clarke's eyes, the dying sunlight reminded her of the blonde's golden hair and, probably the most ridiculous, the white of the ceiling reminded Lexa of the blonde's brilliant white smile. 

 

A gentle knock on the door causes Lexa to pause her throwing and invite whoever was stood outside her door in. The door opens slightly and Miller slips inside closing it behind him. He smiles knowingly down at the depressed looking Lexa. "Monty told me about Clarke." Miller says softly. "How are you doing champ?" He settles on the bed next to Lexa and the young teenager sighs. 

 

"Better than Clarke apparently." Lexa deadpans throwing the ball again. Miller intercepts and catches the ball and Lexa looks at him. 

 

"It's okay to feel bad kid, I get it." Miller says. "So tell me how you really feel." 

 

"I kind of just want to hit something." Lexa admits. Miller throws the ball up into the air and turns his gaze to face Lexa, chewing his lip, contemplating something. 

 

"Grab your jacket, we’re going out." Miller says standing up and heading towards the bedroom door. Lexa stands up cautiously unsure of what Miller was planning. She picks up her leather jacket, that was sitting on the armchair in the corner of the room, and hurries after Miller. Lexa jogs down the stairs, her knee was beginning to hurt less - it was still damaged and hurting but it was slowly getting better. As for her arm it was still in a cast but it rarely bothered her. 

 

"Miller-" Monty says stopping only when Miller takes the young man's hands in his. Monty was kneeling on the couch and Miller was standing around the back. 

 

"This is a great idea." Miller promises with a small comforting smile. Monty spies Lexa standing at the base of the stairs and glances back at Miller. 

 

"She still has a bad arm." Monty protests and Lexa frowns stepping off the last step and coming closer to the pair. 

 

"You worry too much Monts, don't worry, I know I can come off as a brute sometimes but I wouldn't take Lexa if I thought she might get hurt." Miller replies. Monty sighs, glances at Lexa one last time before giving in. He leans in, places a chaste kiss to Miller's lips and turns around and sits back down on the sofa. Miller turns around and claps his hands together. "Alright, you and me kid, let’s go." Lexa frowns and pulls her jacket on before grabbing her boots and pulling them on too. Miller exits the house and waits for Lexa out front. 

 

Lexa silently climbs into the passenger seat and Miller begins driving. "Where are we going?" Lexa asks unable to contain her curiosity any longer. 

 

"We're going where I like to go to blow off steam when I feel like punching something." Miller says eyes focused on the road ahead. 

 

"Jail?" Lexa asks and Miller laughs. 

 

"No Lexa, not jail, though still a cage." Miller says ambiguously and Lexa stares at him in confusion. "You'll see." He replies with a sly smile and Lexa lets out a huff of annoyance at his secrecy but she figured sooner or later she'd find out. 

  
  


Lexa gets out of the car when Miller parks it in a parking lot. She follows briskly behind Miller as he leads the young teenager towards the building with a wide excited grin. Lexa could hear distant sounds of a sort of clinking noise and tall bright white lights illuminating some kind of grounds which had a huge net all around it. It didn't take Lexa long to figure out where they were: batting cages. 

 

Lexa was suddenly excited, she'd always wanted to visit the cages but her father had been too busy to ever pay Lexa more than five minutes of attention and her mother claimed that it was too dangerous - no one else had offered to take Lexa and she'd never had the chance to actually go to one... until now that was. 

 

Miller leads then inside the building, explains to the man what they wanted and then gathers the equipment that they needed. He places a helmet on Lexa's head and taps it playfully on the top causing the brunette to scowl at him. He hands Lexa the baseball bat that felt heavy yet light in Lexa's hands - she couldn't explain it but something about the bat just felt right. The cast on her arm did make holding the bat a little awkward but it was nothing she couldn't handle. Miller was sporting his own helmet and bat and Lexa had to admit - although she was one hundred percent gay - the guy looked pretty good in all of his gear - she could see the appeal to Monty at least. "It has been way too long since I held you my old friend." Miller cooes to the bat he was holding and Lexa rises her eyebrows an amused smile threatening to break out on her lips. "I used to play baseball back in school, and football, I was your typical jock." Miller answers Lexa's unasked question. 

 

"Gay and a jock? That must have been hard." Not that Lexa had experience with that. She used her icy exterior to scare everyone off who would dare talk to her - one of the reasons why she had very few friends. 

 

"It wasn't that bad actually," Miller says walking towards where the cages were. "Arkadia has always been more accepting than other places but, I guess, it was difficult to get the guys to respect me. But I  _ earned  _ their respect." Miller says and Lexa nods. "I don't have experience with girls Lexa, so I can't help you with your girl troubles, boy troubles,  _ maybe _ , but even that's a stretch," He winks at Lexa and the dejected girl actually finds herself chuckling. "but I have plenty of experience with anger and, let me tell you, hitting balls with a bat is oddly very satisfying and helps you get your anger out in a more natural way." He stops by a cage and faces Lexa. "Alright, we're on fast pitch but it's the lowest speed so we don't injure that arm any more than necessary." Miller says. Lexa was suddenly nervous, she'd never actually done this before and something about a ball flying towards you at full speed wasn't very appealing. 

 

"Maybe you should go first?" Lexa suggests and Miller chuckles turning the girl towards the cage. He opens the door and ushers the girl in. Lexa gingerly takes her place looking out at the illuminated field. It was unseasonably cold for the evening and she could see dew collected on the perfectly trimmed grass in front of her. 

 

She stands at the edge of the marked out area and raises her bat. The first ball flies through the air and Lexa instinctively swings but completely misses the ball - it hits the fence where Miller was standing. "Don't worry Lex, even the best baseball players miss sometimes." He jokes lightly. "Move your legs further apart, good, now put your bat a little bit further back and square your shoulders, great form." Lexa follows his instructions carefully and Miller praises her. "Take a deep breath in and when the ball comes towards you slowly release your breath and move in one smooth arch." Miller informs. Lexa follows his steps and as soon as the ball comes flying towards her Lexa slowly exhales and then...  _ clink.  _ The ball sores through the air, straight up and far into the distance. Lexa lets out an exhilarating laugh and turns to face Miller with a wide smile. 

 

"I did it!" Lex exclaims. 

 

"Well done kid." Miller replies and had he been inside the cage he probably would have ruffled Lexa's hair. Lexa did feel better after hitting the ball, some of her pent up emotions and anger flowing out of her bones and into the bat where she took it out on the ball. She braces herself for the next balls and hits them with quick succession. 

 

She steps out of the cage with a huge grin on her face and Miller chuckles at the sight. "Do you feel better?" He asks knowingly. Lexa doesn't reply but that's enough answer for Miller to know that Lexa was feeling better. "Time to show you how a pro does it." He says entering the cage. Lexa watches idly as Miller hits the balls with ease - the guy was so good that it was a little boring. Lexa wanted to critique him, as he had done her, but he was perfect so she watched quietly. 

 

She was so engrossed in watching Nathan that she didn't even realise that someone had approached her until she heard them sit down. Lexa looks to her right to see a young girl sitting on the bench beside her, hands resting on a bat but no helmet. "Um, hi?" Lexa says feeling a little dumb. The girl smiles softly and turns to face Lexa. 

 

"Your dad is a pretty good hit." The girl explains. "I could learn a lot from him." 

 

"He's not my dad." Lexa says and the girl frowns slightly. Lexa pulls the helmet off and runs a hand through her tangled hair. 

 

"Uncle?" The girl questions and Lexa shakes her head. "Some distant cousin?" 

 

"He's just a friend." Lexa says with a shrug. "I'm not living with my family currently." 

 

"Hm." The girl hums and Lexa gives her a curious look. "It's just that you claim you're not living with family but, I think, you think differently." The girl says. 

 

"Monty and Miller are good people so, am I lucky to be with them? Hell yeah but they're not my family, we’re not blood." 

 

"Family is more than blood." The girl protests and Lexa stares at her. 

 

"I'm sorry, who are you?" Lexa asks and the girl grins extending a hand towards the brunette. 

 

"Luna, at your service." She says and Lexa takes the hand shaking it lightly. 

 

"Lexa." She responds. 

 

"So what's eating you Lexa?" The brunette asks crossing her legs and facing the younger girl. Lexa raises an eyebrow giving Luna a sideways glance. She didn't want to talk about Clarke, she'd come here to forget about the blonde not be reminded of her - or, at least, she assumed that had been Miller’s goal. 

 

"Nothing." Lexa says dismissively. Luna looks at her unconvinced but she seemed to understand that Lexa wasn't going to say anything else about her problems - Lexa didn't exactly give off a warm fuzzy feeling, if anything, she gave off a cold and aloof one but Luna seemed to be able to look past that. 

 

"Well your friend is amazingly good at baseball." Luna comments changing the subject. Lexa turns her attention back to Miller who had yet to miss one ball. Not only did he hit everyone but they always went miles away with a satisfying clink after every hit. Lexa smiles, that story about Miller being a jock got Lexa wondering how exactly he ended up with someone like Monty. It's not that Lexa thought Monty was any less than Miller but normally jocks didn't mix with people like Monty: scrawny, text book smart kids. Lexa had experience with that, she rarely mingled with anyone who wasn't Trikru - that was until she met Clarke... and Raven... and Octavia.  _ How was it that people who are completely different to each other could fall in love so easily that it seemed almost natural? _ It wasn't natural. At least not for Clarke and Lexa. Now that was a real tragic love story, a real Romeo and Juliet, just without the death and the healthy love and the trust - though Lexa knew she'd die for Clarke if the need arose. 

 

Lexa smiles sadly and shifts her eyes to the girl beside her. "I might be a freshman in college but I know that look." Luna says with a sympathetic smile. "Heart broken." She states and Lexa sighs. 

 

"I'm seventeen, junior in high school, is it even right to call it heartbreak?" Lexa questions. 

 

"Love's weird Lexa." The girl informs with a fond smile. 

 

"I broke her heart more," Lexa continues ignoring Luna's words. "her trust, I broke  _ everything _ ." 

 

"I'm sure you did." Luna says with a soft smile and Lexa frowns at her. 

 

"So do you normally go around giving out love advice to all strangers?" Lexa questions. 

 

"Only to the pretty ones." Luna replies in a teasing tone. Lexa shakes her head and looks up to the sky which was a mistake because sky equals Clarke. "I'm kidding Lexa, look, I don't know you, I don't know this girl you're so despondent over, I don't know what happened, but I know that you can't beat yourself up like you so obviously are. You look like a goddamn kicked puppy." 

 

"What am I supposed to do?" Lexa asks feeling exasperated, her eyes were pleading and desperate, she genuinely wanted to know. 

 

"Suck it up." Luna says matter-of-factly. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking the steps you need to repair what you've 'broken’." Luna throws air quotations around the word broken. Lexa considers her advice for a second, she was right, of course, which was a little annoying since she'd only known the girl for literally five minutes, but right nevertheless. Lexa just didn't know how to fix what she had broken. Clarke didn't want to see her, she had specifically requested space, and, honestly, she didn't see much hope of the blonde ever forgiving her. 

 

Miller exits the cages and spots the pair sitting beside each other. He debates leaving them to talk for a little while before deciding that Lexa was just socialising. He leans against the cage and waits for the brunette to be done. "You're right." Lexa decides. "I need to suck it up." 

 

"Damn right you do." Luna agrees. Lexa stands up, removes her helmet, and stares down at the mystery girl. 

 

"Thank you Luna." Lexa says. "It was nice meeting you." 

 

"Anytime." Luna says standing up. "Maybe we'll meet again some day?" She asks with a white smile. She extends the hand that wasn't holding a bat and Lexa takes it shaking it firmly. 

 

"Maybe." Lexa agrees and, if she wasn't mistaken, there was a hint of hope to her voice. The girl turns on her heel and walks away from Lexa. Miller steps forward and Lexa only just notices him. 

 

"You want to go for some milkshakes kid?" Miller asks and Lexa nods. He grins and slings an arm over the brunette's shoulder. They walk out of the batting cages place like that and Lexa had never felt more at peace since everything had started going to shit. 

 

Miller was sitting across from Lexa in some kind of diner that he had claimed ‘had the best milkshakes known to man’ which, after tasting her own, Lexa had to agree. At first she had been sceptical ‘The Drop Ship’ wasn't exactly a name she would have associated as a dining place but Miller has assured her that it was the best - he had even ordered some fries and set the plate in the middle between them so they could share. 

 

They were enjoying themselves in silence when Miller decides to talk. "This was where Monty and I met." Miller says a fond smile playing on his lips. Lexa looks up at him then to see a kind of wistful gaze reflected in his chocolate coloured eyes. "It was after the football team had won our first game. Believe it or not, this place was actually the most popular hangout back then but now it's seen better days." Miller looks around for a second. "Anyway, Monty was working on some kind of project, typing away and minding his own business, when some of the guys decided they wanted to pick on him." 

 

"Monty can stand up for himself." Lexa comments and a breathy laugh escapes Miller's lips. 

 

"You're right, he can, but I was feeling especially emotional and I had to admit that I had seen Monty around school. Shy, smart, cute and just a downright good guy - I’d be insane not to like him. So yeah, I was a jock, football player, who had a crush on another guy who wasn't what people classed as my ‘type’." Miller puts air quotes around the word type and pulls a face of disgust. "I was being an especially big brute that day and I decided to stick up for the scrawny guy." 

 

"So you swooped in and saved him?" Lexa asks - it was such a cliche story. 

 

"No." Miller laughs. "I got my ass kicked and Monty had left before I even had a chance to introduce myself." Miller explains. Lexa laughs at that image because that did sound awfully ironic. "I got a damn black eye over that fight and Monty didn't even talk to me." Miller says lightly with a smile. "But he was  _ aware  _ of me." 

 

"Wait, you mean to tell me that Monty had no clue who you were before that? A star football player?" Lexa asks in disbelief. 

 

"Oh no, he probably knew who I was, he probably just thought I was some kind of big headed jock who didn't care about anyone other than himself." Miller answers with a shrug. "My black eye proved otherwise." 

 

"So when exactly did you two get together?" Lexa questions taking a sip from her milkshake. 

 

"Two weeks of full on pining mood. I'm talking secret smiles, secret winks, lingering hands, picking his books up one time when he dropped them and, eventually, two weeks later I managed to muster up the courage to ask him out." 

 

"Sounds like a match made in heaven." Lexa says with a grin and Miller shakes his head. 

 

"We went through a lot to get to where we are Lexa, no relationship comes without hardships, Monty and I broke up for a whole year once." 

 

" _ What _ ?" Lexa asks in surprise, The pair seemed so strong, and worked so well together, she could never imagine them breaking up for more than a couple of weeks tops. 

 

"Oh yeah, but the point is, we always seemed to find our way back to each other." He looks at Lexa and Lexa sighs. "Things seem rough now, and it can take a long time for everything to settle down, but if you're meant to be with Clarke you  _ will  _ find your way back to her." Miller says offering Lexa a comforting smile. "Take this time to focus on yourself, and wait for her. You know what they say, if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." 

 

"What if it never comes back?" Lexa asks quietly. She was staring at the table unable to look Miller in the eyes in case she gave away how desperate she was feeling. 

 

"Then you move on and find something that will." Miller answers. "You're almost a senior, you've got your whole future ahead of you and a bunch of time to figure things out, take that time." Miller nudges her shoulder across the table and Lexa looks up to see him smiling at her kindly. "Everything will be okay. You've got your sister, Lincoln, Indra, Monty, you even have me." His words sounded almost like a promise. 

 

"I'm not sure what I want." Lexa mutters. She wasn't just talking about Clarke or her future but she was talking about herself - she didn't know if she wanted to go back home with Indra because she was finding a new home with Monty and Miller. She was rediscovering herself through the normality of her situation, she hadn't been shot at or threatened in the past couple of days and she had to admit that it felt nice. 

 

Miller got the hint and he grins at Lexa and ruffles her hair, much to Lexa's announce, she shoots the older man a glare and he chuckles. "Whatever you decide, you have support from all of us. That I can guarantee." He says. "Now let's get home, Monty will freak if we stay out any longer." Miller slips out from the booth and Lexa sits still for a moment gathering her thoughts. Time was the key now, she had to wait for Clarke, she had to use time to discover what she really wanted, she needed time to figure out her future, she needed more time with Miller and Monty: she needed time.  _ Time. Time. Time. _ Time was all she needed. 

 

Lexa stands up and hurries after Miller who was waiting patiently for her by the door. She could do that, though she'd never been a patient person particularly, she could wait if it meant that she'd get all she's ever wanted.

Miller pulls up out the front of the house to find a car parked out front too. Lexa immediately recognised it and wastes no time in climbing out to go see what they wanted. Miller climbs out himself and walks a few steps on the sidewalk to make sure whoever this stranger was parked out the front wasn't any trouble. "Raven?" Lexa asks when she sees the mechanic leaning against her car looking up at the dark sky - it was around  ten o'clock at night and Raven's visit gave Lexa a bad feeling. "Is everything okay? Is Clarke okay? Or Anya? Are you hurt? What are you doing here?" Lexa rushes feeling a little panicked but as soon as she sees Raven's bright grin in the dark she feels herself relax slightly. 

 

"Everything's okay, I just thought I'd swing by and have a drink with my friend." Raven holds up a six pack of something and Lexa raises her eyebrows at her. "Relax commander, it's Pepsi, didn’t think I'd bring beer to a cop’s house did you?" Miller chuckles from his position on the sidewalk. 

 

"You two kids have some fun, I'll let Monty know we're back." He tells Lexa with a nod. "Just not too late and, if you want, there's a treehouse out back." Lexa wanted to ask why exactly there was a treehouse out back when Monty and Miller didn't have any children but he was already walking towards the house. She turns back to Raven who wiggles her eyebrows coaxing a small laugh from Lexa. 

 

"Fine, follow me Reyes." Lexa says waving over her shoulder as she walks towards the gate to the back yard. Raven follows after her, down the narrow walkway between the house and the fence, until they reach the end of the house and it opens out into a much bigger space. 

 

The yard was very tidy, the grass cut to perfection with no lingering items left around unlike Raven's where the grass was all dead and there were a few broken lawn chairs left rusting with a couple of busted footballs here and there. The tree was in the far right corner at the bottom of the garden and the tree house looked stable enough - at least for a couple of teenagers. "Are you sure you can climb this?" Raven asks concerned about Lexa's arm that was in a cast. 

 

"If I can climb a tree drunk with an injured shoulder, I can climb a ladder up a tree with one hand." Lexa says with a shrug and a cocky grin. "Besides, you're climbing one handed too." Lexa gestures to the cans in Raven's left hand and the brunette laughs. 

 

"I suppose you're right." Raven relents. "Lexa's first?" She gestures to the tree and Lexa laughs at her expression of ‘Lexa’s first’ instead of saying ladies first. 

 

"Lexa is always first." Lexa jokes and Raven rolls her eyes playfully. Raven watches the brunette as she skilfully climbs the tree with little difficulty -  _ the girl was like a damn monkey _ \- and Raven knew she was going to struggle with her leg and one hand. Lexa must have realised this too because she didn't make Raven climb the tree one handed. Instead she lay flat on the floor of the tree house and stretched her hands out for the cans. Raven hands her them and the brunette disappears back inside - luckily for them, the house wasn’t that far off the ground and it was only a short climb up. 

 

Raven climbs using mainly her upper strength and Lexa pulls her up the rest of the way. The pair fall backwards, with Lexa landing on her back staring up at the ceiling of the treehouse and Raven beside her. Both were a little breathless and laughing with one another. The ceiling of the treehouse wasn't very well constructed, or maybe it was so old that it had cracked and broke on its own, but Lexa could see the starry sky above her through the patches in the roof. Raven sits up pulls two cans of Pepsi from the small crate she had brought and hands one to Lexa who takes it eagerly. "Still sober mi amigo?" Raven asks lightly and Lexa sighs taking a long sip of Pepsi. 

 

"I don't get a chip if that's what you're asking Raven." Lexa answers. "Plus it wasn't even alcohol I had a problem with." 

 

"You say that but I've witnessed plenty of times you definitely had a problem with it." Raven retorts and Lexa grumbles but she couldn't exactly argue with the mechanic. Raven digs around in her pants pocket for a moment before pulling out a small coin shape from it. She hands it to Lexa with a wide smile and the brunette takes it looking at it curiously. "I made it in my own personal workshop, also known as my garage," Raven informs and Lexa reads the imprint on the surface of it. "I know it might have been a little longer then one day but it's a start." Raven says and Lexa runs her thumb over the inscription '1 Day' on the surface with other patterns that Raven had undoubtedly added to add a little flare to the coin. 

 

"Thank you Raven." Lexa says looking at her friend. 

 

"You'll get another one in a month if you stay clean." 

 

"Of alcohol?" Lexa asks with a raised eyebrow. 

 

"Of drugs dummy." Raven says rolling her eyes. "One month and I'll have a new one for you." 

 

"Why?" Lexa asks pocketing the chip. Raven takes a sip of her Pepsi and looks at the brunette beside her. 

 

"Because I care about you and I want you to stay like this." Raven gestures in Lexa's general direction, moving her hands up and down, and Lexa laughs. "So Clarke told me about what she said." Lexa sighs and looks back up at the sky. 

 

"Yeah." She breathes and Raven gives Lexa a sympathetic look that she couldn't see. 

 

"That was kinda my fault." Raven admits. "I told her to get angry, and to not bottle up her emotions, I’m-" 

 

"No it's okay." Lexa says interrupting what was probably going to be Raven's apology. "I needed to hear it. Now I know how Clarke feels and now I know where I stand." Lexa says which was true. It wasn't good for Clarke to keep her feelings in, it was unfair of her to expect such a thing, she knew it wasn't going to be easy but Miller was right and she'd just take her time. Raven nods in response watching Lexa carefully. "She's really mad at me." Lexa whispers. 

 

"Lighten up Lex, we’re almost seniors, soon we'll be going to college." Raven says sitting up. Lexa follows turning to face her friend. 

 

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be going to college." Lexa says shrugging off the look Raven gives her. "I think I'll just stay here, in Arkadia, maybe make my life in Trikru." 

 

"Is that really what you want?" Raven asks. Lexa looks down for a moment at the question - Raven really didn't think that's what Lexa wanted anymore - maybe she had at one point but that was before she'd made the promise to herself to become someone her mother would be proud of. 

 

"I'm about to tell you something that I've never told anyone." Lexa says in a warning time. Raven nods and waits expectantly for the brunette to explain. "I kind of like the idea of being a cop." Lexa admits. Ever since Miller had suggested it she couldn't deny that the idea had been somewhat appealing. 

 

"That's great Lex." Raven says nudging her on the shoulder. "I'm not surprised you'd want a job where there's still a possibility of you being shot." Lexa rolls her eyes but chuckles nevertheless at Raven's response. "You know there's an academy here right?" Raven questions. 

 

"I know but that still means I'd stay in Arkadia." Lexa says. 

 

"I'm staying here too." Raven chimes and Lexa's head snaps to her in surprise. "What? Arkadia has one of the best mechanical engineering majors out there and I happen to be a genius that plans on taking said major." Raven says with a slightly cocky smile. "Besides, Arkadia isn't that bad, I grew up here, and, well, Anya's here." 

 

"Oh God, Raven Reyes, please do not talk about how much you love my sister." Lexa says pulling a face and Raven laughs. 

 

"Who said anything about love?" Raven questions. "Although the sex isn't half bad." 

 

"Shut up please." Lexa whines shoving the brunette playfully. Raven laughs for a moment before her laughter dies off with the thought of something. 

 

"O and Clarke are leaving though." Raven admits which catches Lexa's attention. "They're my best friends, and I'm happy for them, but I really wish they didn't have to go." 

 

"You feel abandoned?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Not abandoned... Left out." Raven answers. "It's always been us, you know, and I just can't imagine them leaving. What happens if we never talk again and we fall out of touch? I couldn't imagine my life without them. They literally saved my life." Lexa looks at Raven and gives her a small smile. 

 

"That would never happen Raven, they love you, Clarke especially, and it's a year away, you have plenty of time before we have to say our goodbyes." Lexa reassures. "Besides, you'll always have me." Lexa says with a teasing smile. 

 

" _ Always _ ?" Raven asks pretending to complain about that fact. "You're a good friend Woods." Raven tells her. 

 

"Lexa!" Lexa hears Monty call her name. "It's getting late, maybe you should come in?" 

 

"I'll be right there!" Lexa calls back. The brunette turns back to Raven. 

 

"Remember, one month and you'll get another one." Raven reminds her. "I'll see around sexy Lexi." 

 

"Where did  _ that  _ nickname come from?" Lexa asks with a chuckle. 

 

"From my brilliant brain of course." Raven says like it was obvious. "Seriously, I’ll see you  tomorrow ." Raven says and Lexa nods. 

 

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later Reyes." Lexa replies she watches as the brunette climbs down the tree and then she finishes off her can of Pepsi. Maybe things weren't going the way Lexa wanted them to go but she hoped that Raven would be a constant in her life. That was a friendship that Lexa valued and she would try with all her might to not let the mechanic down like she had everyone else in her life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter had quite a bit of Commander Mechanic because I'm a sucker for their friendship. So Lexa's still got a lot to figure out in terms of her life but she's slowly getting there and precious Raven Reyes is going to reward her with sobriety chips that she makes specially for her. Octavia, Clarke and Raven have a party and we're finally going to meet Bellamy! Let me know your thoughts and thank you for reading!


	24. Alpha Male

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How did you get here?" Lexa asks looking back to the blonde's blue eyes. 
> 
> "I drove." Clarke answers like it was obvious and Lexa sighs. "I can drive back home Lexa it's no problem." Clarke says. 
> 
> "Are you insane?" Lexa asks her eyes widening considerably - if someone had told her that she would be the DD of the night she would've told them they were crazy yet here she was. "Give me your keys."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the new chapter! I hope you all enjoy this update and let me know what you think.

Lexa was in one of her least favourite places ever: the hospital. She was sitting patiently on a bed in one of the check up rooms. Monty was allowed to be in with her, as her doctor, but Lexa had insisted that she'd be fine on her own and she didn't want the young doctor feeling like he had to constantly watch her. She was swinging her legs, content and calm, so of course that was when everything turned bad. 

 

The door opens, Lexa's feet still and she looks up to meet Abby Griffin's eyes. The doctor steps inside, a file clutched in one of her hands, wearing her white coat and looking at Lexa with what looked to be slight concern. Lexa frowns at her, feeling her anger return at the sight of the doctor and what she had done to her. "I want another doctor." Lexa states coldly and Abby lets out an audible sigh. 

 

"No one knows you like I do Lexa." Abby reminds her. "I know your medical history, your injuries, everything, I am the most suitable doctor to be treating you right now.” 

 

"I don't care." Lexa replies angrily. "I don't want you as my doctor, you  _ betrayed  _ me." 

 

"Lexa-" Abby tries. 

 

"What happened to doctor patient confidentiality?" Lexa asks in annoyance and Abby steps closer. 

 

"You know that I did the right thing." Abby says raising her eyebrows and Lexa holds her gaze. 

 

"You did it so I'd suffer... for what I did to Clarke." Lexa retorts and Abby rolls her eyes. 

 

"Maybe a little." She admits. "But mostly I did it because I was worried about you and I didn't want to see you go down that path again. Indra deserved to know." 

 

"You almost got me kicked out of my house!" Lexa yells and Abby nods her head. She had gotten Lexa kicked out of her house in a way. 

 

"I know you're angry with me Lexa but I did what I had to do." Abby replies and Lexa scoffs. She crosses her arms across her chest and turns her head away from Abby. Abby opens the file she was carrying and examines the information for a second. "Your knee appears to be fully healed." Abby tells her. "We can remove the brace now but your arm will have to have a new cast to replace the old one and it looks like you'll need it for at least another two weeks." 

 

"Having a hammer slammed down on your bone really fucks it up." Lexa mutters. 

 

"Your medication will need to change." Abby says ignoring Lexa's comment. "Adderall is not advised for people with a history of drug abuse, you were lucky to get it last time." Abby says. 

 

"Great, so now I have no medication." Lexa says with a shrug. "Can I leave now?" Abby sets the files down and begins removing the brace attached to Lexa's knee. 

 

"It may still be a little tender so you should take it easy." Abby warns. "I know teenagers tend to get wild at parties." She mutters and Lexa frowns. 

 

"Parties?" Lexa asks. "What are you talking about?" Abby looks at her with surprise. 

 

"Clarke mentioned a party, I just assumed you'd be going." Abby replies and Lexa narrows her eyes at the doctor. 

 

"I don't stalk Clarke." Lexa says and Abby shakes her head. Lexa was being especially cold to the doctor, she could understand why but Lexa also knew that she couldn't really be mad at Abby for what she did. Abby removes the brace and Lexa hops off the bed sighing with the relief she felt from not having to wear the contraption. She had gotten a taste of what it was like for Raven and she had a whole new perspective of her friend. 

 

"You're good to go." Abby says. Lexa had a new cast and she was feeling better than she had in quite a few weeks. 

 

"Yeah." Lexa says. "I'll see you Doctor Griffin." Lexa turns away from her and Abby stops her before she can leave. 

 

"I won't apologise for what I did Lexa. It was the right thing to do." Abby says staring her directly in the eyes. Lexa steps back from Abby's hand that was resting on her shoulder and clenches her jaw. 

 

"That doesn't mean it didn't hurt." Lexa says and then she slips out the door leaving Abby alone. The doctor sighs and collects the files she had had. Lexa would come around, it'd just take some time.

 

**_//_ **

Raven was back in the treehouse with Lexa who was looking better and better with each day. Sure, it had only been a night since Raven had seen her but she could see the difference in Lexa already, she was changing - evolving even. "Come on, you have to come to the party!" Raven whines and Lexa rolls her eyes. "Pretty please... for me." Raven begs and Lexa stares at her. 

 

"Why?" Lexa asks curiously and Raven smiles at her with her blinding white smile. 

 

"Well, Anya's coming, Lincoln's coming, O will be there and, oh yeah,  _ Clarke  _ will be there." Raven emphasizes and Lexa rolls her eyes again. 

 

"Clarke won't want me there." Lexa says dismissively.

 

"Bullshit." Raven states but Lexa gives her a look. "Alright, true, but I'm concerned that she may try to hook up with someone else if you're not there." Raven admits and Lexa raises an eyebrow.  _ Clarke hooking up with someone else? _ That made Lexa feel funny. She didn't like that  idea one bit. 

 

Then again Clarke was entitled to do whatever she wanted to do, Lexa no longer had a say in that department of Clarke's life, in fact, she didn't have a say in any part of Clarke's life. Raven was looking at Lexa hopefully trying to get through to the girl. "Monty and Miller would never let me." Lexa says dismissively. 

 

"How do you know if you don't try?" Raven asks and Lexa had to admit that she did have a point. "Look, you can sit at home and mope around and just keep thinking of Clarke being with someone else  _ or  _ you could get off your ass, come to the party and show Clarke the new and improved Lexa." Raven encourages with a grin. Lexa thinks about it for a moment she had to admit that the idea was appealing - she'd been cooped up and feeling isolated pretty much her entire life. Lexa fiddles with the cast on her arm while Raven observes her trying to read what she was thinking. Eventually, Lexa could only come up with one answer. 

 

"Fine." She gives in. "I'll ask but don't get your hopes up." Raven does a mini fist pump and Lexa laughs at the action - at least she was wanted by someone. Raven pulls out a pen at that moment and gestures to Lexa's arm. 

 

"May I?" Raven asks and Lexa glances between the pen and her cast getting what Raven was hinting at. Lexa holds her arm out and the brunette eagerly begins writing something on her cast in permanent marker - Lexa just hoped it wasn't a dick. Raven smirks as she pulls her hand away and Lexa brings it back to herself to read what Raven had written. _ 'If found please return to: Raven Reyes aka hot stuff mechanic.' _

 

"Raven you're the weirdest person I've met." Lexa says laughing at the message that the mechanic had written - it was so Raven that no one would have a doubt that she had written it. 

 

"So if you get lost at the party someone can direct you towards me." Raven says with a grin. "You're welcome by the way." She adds with a wink and Lexa rolls her eyes. Lexa leans back against the treehouse and Raven watches her carefully. 

 

"Clarke's special." Lexa says out loud and Raven turns her head to the side but doesn't speak. "She's the first person who's actually made me want to live. Before I was just surviving but now I want so much more and it's because of her.” 

 

"Love does that to you." Raven comments and Lexa cracks an eye open to look at the mechanic. 

 

"Are you finally admitting you love my sister?" Lexa asks in a teasing tone with a small knowing smirk. 

 

"No, I don't see how that had anything to do with me and Anya." Raven replies with a scoff. "I like  Anya, very much, but  _ love _ ? That's crazy."

 

"Sure it is Reyes." Lexa says closing her eyes again. "I have no doubt you'll see it soon enough." Lexa assures and Raven frowns. 

 

"Shut up and go talk to your adoptive parents about being allowed to this party." Raven shoves her playfully and Lexa grumbles before climbing down the tree. She sighs and takes a deep breath before heading towards the house. She had no idea what they were going to say but Lexa hoped the answer was yes. 

 

**_//_ **

 

Clarke came over to the Bellamy and Octavia's apartment early - she wanted to help set up the party and anything to get Lexa off of her mind was a bonus. The thing was that Bellamy didn't need help setting up, apparently his set up was putting alcohol out and turning the stereo on, so Clarke was left doing nothing. She was sitting on the sofa, beside Bellamy, watching a TV show, that she wasn't really paying attention to, while Bellamy watched her. 

 

Clarke was completely zoned out and Bellamy wasn't about to let Clarke become all self pitying and upset over someone who frankly, in his opinion, didn't deserve her. "Clarke, stop your wallowing." Bellamy says startling Clarke slightly. "If you want I could go teach this Lexa a lesson?" Bellamy suggests with a soft smile. Clarke stares at him, with his charming smile on his face, before leaning her head back against the back of the sofa. 

 

"Sure Bell, you could try to hit Lexa but she'd probably maim you." Clarke replies lightly and Bellamy chuckles. 

 

"Who said anything about hitting her?" Bellamy asks with a frown. "I know I'm a dick Clarke but I'd never hit a girl." 

 

"Well aren't you a self righteous good guy?" Clarke teases and Bellamy rolls his eyes. 

 

"I'm serious Clarke,  _ she hurt you _ , and you're like a sister to me and if someone did this O then I'd be banging down their door." He says and Clarke gives him a look. "Alright, it depends how big they are, but my point is you're family and I look after my family." Clarke sighs and runs a hand through her blonde curls. 

 

"I miss her." Clarke confesses and Bellamy nods his head in understanding. "Have you ever loved someone so much that when they're not around you, or you're not with them, you feel like you're missing something?" Bellamy shakes his head with a sad smile. "That's how I feel, I feel like I'm missing a part of me, a part of my soul." 

 

"It's for the best." Bellamy says nudging her with his shoulder. "You have to-" 

 

"I know Bell." Clarke says cutting him off and he sighs. He wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls the blonde into his chest in a comforting embrace. Clarke closes her eyes and relaxes in Bellamy's arms, he really was like an older sibling to her, ever since Octavia and Bellamy had lost both their parents they had spent countless of holidays with Clarke and Abby and they'd kind of integrated into one family. 

 

"If you need help getting over her I'm here." Bellamy says with a playful grin. Clarke pushes him playfully and sits up away from him. 

 

"Ew, Bell, you're being gross." Clarke complains and Bellamy chuckles. 

 

"I'm kidding," He says with an eye roll. "but maybe we could come up with a plan to get back at her a little?" He says suggestively and Clarke frowns at him. "How do you feel about making her jealous?" 

 

"I don't know... she's kind of in a delicate situation right now." Clarke says hesitantly and Bellamy scoffs in response. 

 

"Fuck that,  _ you're  _ in a delicate situation, I say we make the bitch jealous." He says defiantly and Clarke stares at him. 

 

"I don't know Bell." She says unconvinced and Bellamy smiles softly at her. 

 

"Come on Clarke, what could go wrong?" Bellamy asks and Clarke thinks about it for a moment. The idea of hurting Lexa, in anyway, did make Clarke a little uneasy and the thought of being with someone else, fake or real, and rubbing it in Lexa's face made Clarke feel a little bad. On the other hand, making Lexa jealous was an attractive thought. 

 

"Fine, what did you have in mind?" Clarke questions and Bellamy claps his hands together in amusement and success. 

 

**_//_ **

  
  


Lexa didn't particularly do parties but when Anya had insisted, and Raven was on her case too, she couldn't say no - maybe the knowledge that Clarke was going to be there had finally convinced Lexa to go. It had taken Lexa all of her persuasive power in getting Monty and Miller on board of actually letting her go to the party. The rules were pretty simple: no drinking whatsoever,  _ certainly  _ no drugs and stay out of trouble. Lexa figured she could uphold that, besides, she'd been to one of Bellamy's parties before and she'd managed to remain somewhat on the best of her behaviour - excluding the whole beating up Kyle fiasco but he was attacking Clarke so that was perfectly justifiable when you thought about it. Lexa had been picked up by Raven and Anya and they'd disappeared somewhere in the thick crowd of bodies. 

 

Lexa was sitting on a table, stone cold sober and completely miserable. Without anyone to keep her away from alcohol how was she supposed to do so by herself? Lexa stands up and lets out a long sigh. She looks down at her feet for a moment when she hears someone stand in front of her. Lexa looks up to see a young man who bore a striking resemblance to Octavia Blake. Lexa had met him once before, for a fleeting moment, his hair was curly and dark, he had a square jaw and a pretty good physique but what really got Lexa was the fact that Clarke was standing beside him. "Can I help you?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow at the older Blake. Bellamy grins a charming boyish smile that would probably make any girl swoon had Lexa not been gay. He then wraps an arm around Clarke's neck resting casually on her shoulders. The blonde seemed to stiffen slightly from the contact but quickly recovers. Lexa narrows her eyes at Bellamy -  _ rule number three: stay out of trouble. _

 

"Clarke was telling me something about you." Bellamy says and Clarke shuffles uncomfortably. Clarke wasn't exactly sure where Bellamy was going with this and she could practically see the anger making Lexa's eyes brighter than ever. "She told me  _ all  _ about you." 

 

"If that's true then you know who I am." Lexa says lowly -  _ warningly _ . 

 

"Bell." Clarke says hoping that this wouldn't turn into anything big. 

 

"You hurt Clarke, you hurt all of us." Bellamy says. "Clarke and I have always had chemistry so I guess I should thank you for screwing it up so I get a shot." Clarke glances down at the ground and Lexa feels her anger grow tenfold -  _ or was that jealousy? _ Either way, she wasn't really liking Bellamy. 

 

"I think it'd be wise if you walked away  _ Bellamy _ ." Lexa growls his name and Clarke could see that Bellamy was not helping the situation at all. 

 

"I'm just saying, you messed up big time." He says pulling Clarke tighter to his side. Lexa shakes her head, she had to choose to be the bigger person here, she looks at Clarke and the anger burning in her eyes extinguishes as soon as she lays eyes on the blonde. 

 

"Clarke can do what she wants," Lexa says crossing her arms across her chest. "it's not my place, but she'd never be with you. She told me herself that you're like a brother to her." Lexa recalls. "You're playing me, trying to get a reaction out of me, trying to make me feel worse than I already do, but I'm not buying what you're selling Blake." Lexa says cooly. She was now looking at Bellamy and Bellamy had to admit that she was smart to have figured out his motive. Lexa turns away and begins heading away when she's stopped by a hand on her shoulder. 

 

"Lexa." Clarke says softly. "I-" 

 

"Whatever Clarke." Lexa says shrugging off her hand. "Go be with Bellamy, or whoever you want, that's what I did right?" 

 

"Lexa." Clarke sighs and clenches her jaw. "You're a jerk. I came to apologise for Bell's stupid idea but screw you. Maybe I will hook up with someone." 

 

"Fine." Lexa replies grudgingly. 

 

" _ Fine _ !" Clarke yells back angrily. They stare each other down both angry at each other for different reasons. "You're insufferable." Clarke decides and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"If I remember rightly, you used to like that." Lexa replies crossing her arms across her chest and narrowing her eyes. Clarke scans the room for a second before landing her burning blue eyes on Lexa's bright green ones again. 

 

"The key word being ‘ _ used to _ ’." Clarke retorts. 

 

"That's two words Clarke." Lexa points out smirking slightly. 

 

"Shut up." Clarke mutters - a _ nd dare she say that a smile was threatening to make its way onto her lips? _ "You're such an ass." 

 

"I'm sorry, did you say I had a great ass?" Lexa asks sarcastically and Clarke scoffs -  _ she really had to escape this situation _ \- Lexa was being her charming self, her light natured teasing and banter, the things that Clarke had fallen for in the first place, were all coming to the surface and Clarke couldn't take that. Clarke gives her one last look before storming off and Lexa smirks after her feeling satisfied with how she had handled the whole situation - except the getting angry at the blonde part but that was mainly down to jealousy. 

 

**_//_ **

 

Lexa watches Clarke carefully as she talks with a group of college kids who were seemly enthralled with the junior blonde girl which Lexa couldn't really blame them. Lexa was leaning against a wall, at the far side of the party, not wanting to get too close to Clarke but also wanting to make sure that she didn't get too friendly with anyone. "You've been drooling over that girl for the whole duration of this damn party." A faintly familiar voice says from beside her. Lexa turns her head to find the girl Luna, who had met at the batting cages, standing beside her with a drink in her hand. "Is that the girl you broke everything with or are you just spectacular at moving on from people?" Luna asks lightly. Lexa looks back towards Clarke's direction a small smile threatening its way onto her lips at the mere sight of the blonde. 

 

"Her name is Clarke." Lexa replies and then she frowns. "She's flirting but keeps striking out." Lexa says which was true, she'd seen Clarke flirting, but so far, to Lexa's relief, she had been unsuccessful - which she didn't really understand but she supposed people were just too drunk to realise what was right in front of them. As Clarke got drunker the more flirtatious she got and the more Lexa felt like intervening just so she wouldn't have to watch her ex girlfriend flirt anymore. 

 

"Have you considered the fact that she keeps striking out is because of you?" Luna asks leaning against the wall like Lexa. Lexa looks at her curiously, unsure of what she meant, and Luna grins back. " _ Consciously _ , she's trying to flirt but  _ subconsciously  _ she knows you're here, and she doesn't  _ really  _ want to be with anyone other than you, so it makes sense that she's screwing it up without  _ intentionally  _ screwing it up." Lexa looked completely dumbfounded and Luna chuckles at the sight. 

 

"What are you? A psych major?" Lexa asks with a raised eyebrow. 

 

"No Lexa." Luna's eyes drift to the side a bit and the older girl takes Lexa by the collar and pulls them really closely together. Lexa lands with her hands either side of Luna's head in surprise and she stares at the college girl like she was inane. Luna leans a little bit closer and Lexa tenses. " _ Clarke _ ." She whispers in the brunette's ear and suddenly it made sense - Luna was trying to make Clarke jealous like Clarke had been trying, and succeeding if she was honest, at making Lexa jealous. 

 

"What am I supposed to do?" Lexa asks and Luna glances behind them. 

 

"Well she's certainly paying attention so do something she'll notice." Luna says. Lexa thinks about it for a moment before standing upright and walking away. That was certainly noticeable. Luna shoots her an understanding look and Lexa knew that the girl knew what her plan was. The way Lexa saw it Clarke would be far more impressed if the brunette abstained from flirting then actually engaging in it. 

 

Lexa was weaving her way through the crowd when she happens to bump into the blonde. Lexa catches her and steadies the young drunk teen in her arms. Clarke smiles drunkenly wide and bright and Lexa  _ almost  _ felt like they weren't fighting. "You're drunk." Lexa states and Clarke frowns at her. 

 

"That makes a change." She comments and Lexa rolls her eyes at the jab. 

 

"Okay, I deserved that." Lexa relents still holding Clarke firmly. "Maybe you should call your mom Clarke?" Lexa suggests and Clarke shakes her head. 

 

"She's at work." Clarke replies and Lexa sighs. She hadn't seen Anya or Raven for hours and the last time Lexa had seen Octavia she had been getting a little too friendly with Lincoln that she'd averted her eyes immediately. 

 

"How did you get here?" Lexa asks looking back to the blonde's blue eyes. 

 

"I drove." Clarke answers like it was obvious and Lexa sighs. "I can drive back home Lexa it's no problem." Clarke says. 

 

"Are you insane?" Lexa asks her eyes widening considerably - if someone had told her that she would be the DD of the night she would've told them they were crazy yet here she was. "Give me your keys." Lexa demands leaving no room for argument. Clarke digs out her keys and hands them to Lexa who sighs and begins leading Clarke towards the exit. The blonde follows pretty easily which worried Lexa to no end - had she not been there then Clarke might've let anyone just take her home. Lexa did think about how odd this was, and she couldn't lie that she was a little hesitant, but at the thought of Clarke injuring herself, because Lexa was worried that the car ride might be a little awkward, all doubt was gone. 

 

Lexa manages to help the blonde out of the apartment building and get her safely to the car with little difficulty. She slides into the driver's seat and starts up the car remaining silent as she slowly drives away from the party. It was silent between Lexa and Clarke, no words were needed, and Lexa wasn't sure she had anything  _ to say  _ until Clarke's drunken mind decided it didn't want to be quiet. "Octavia said to get over you I had to get under someone else." Clarke states breaking the silence between them. Lexa raises an eyebrow but keeps her eyes on the road ahead of her. 

 

"Oh really?" Lexa asks. She did have to admit that she was a little amused by Clarke's boldness and slight drunken slur she had going. Clarke hums in response and leans closer to Lexa. 

 

"I didn't want to do that." Clarke confesses. "I didn't want to be with anyone other than you." 

 

"Clarke-" 

 

"And then you showed up with your stupid face, and your stupid words and I was pissed, so I started drinking, and, I'm not drunk Lexa I swear, I started flirting, but I struck out because I still didn't want to be with anyone  _ except  _ you." Lexa goes silent her eyes staying focused on the road but she could feel Clarke's eyes burning into her skin. It was obvious that Clarke was in fact drunk but Lexa wasn't about to point out that fact. She just had to concentrate on the road and not on what Clarke was saying - she was drunk, she didn't mean it and, even if she did, she had no control over what she was saying. "You don't feel the same way." It wasn't a question it was a statement, Clarke said it like she was stating a fact, and Lexa felt her heart break. 

 

"Clarke, no." Lexa says. For the first time she turns to look at the blonde, only briefly, before turning back to the road to make sure they didn't crash but, in that brief amount of time, Lexa could see how vulnerable Clarke was - she might be drunk but that didn't mean she didn't have any feelings. "I'm giving you that time and space you wanted remember?" 

 

"I don't want that right now." Clarke says as Lexa pulls up outside of Clarke's house. "There's something I haven't told you." Clarke mutters tiredly and Lexa laughs at the sight of the blonde pouting and rubbing her eyes. 

 

"I'm sure whatever it is can wait  until tomorrow ." Lexa says getting out of the car and walking around to the passenger side. She helps Clarke stand up but the blonde all but nearly falls on the ground from her exhaustion mixed with the alcohol she had consumed. 

 

"I  _ reeeally  _ need to talk to you about it." Clarke stresses leaning against the car. 

 

"Clarke, I'm a little more concerned about you right now than something you want to tell me, okay?" Lexa says lightheartedly. She'd have to carry Clarke; it was the only way she saw that was going to be possible to get into the house without the blonde falling. Clarke nods and Lexa hooks her arm under her legs and lifts her bridal style into her arms. Clarke loops her arms around Lexa's neck, giggling from the sensation it gave her, and Lexa chuckles at the sound - it was one of the most amazing sounds she had ever heard. 

 

She heads towards the front door where she sets Clarke down for a second to unlock and open the door before picking her up again. Clarke was light in Lexa's arms and the way that she burrowed her head in the crook of Lexa's neck was all too adorable for the brunette - plus the feeling of Clarke's breathes brushing over her skin was causing Lexa's heart to palpitate right out of her chest. 

 

She goes straight to Clarke's bedroom and places the blonde on her bed. She then exits the bedroom to go grab a glass of water and returns to find the blonde in bed seemingly waiting for Lexa to come back. Lexa sets the glass water down on the nightstand next to Clarke and she turns to face her. "Drink that, hopefully it'll sober you up and you won't have too much of a hangover  tomorrow ." Lexa tells her with a smile. She goes to leave but Clarke grabs hold of her shirt. 

 

"Please don't leave." Clarke says her blue eyes wide and pleading. Lexa falters for a moment. Normally, she would refuse right away but Clarke looked almost frightened causing her to pause. 

 

"Clarke?" Lexa asks with concern. 

 

"I-I know I'm used to being home alone but I don't want to be alone right now." Clarke says and Lexa's eyes soften. "Please don't leave me." 

 

"It's okay, I'll stay, just, I have to call someone." Lexa says softly and Clarke nods in understanding. "Drink your water and I'll be right back, okay?" Lexa says and Clarke reluctantly releases the brunette's shirt from her grasp. Lexa smiles at her and gently places a soft kiss to the blonde's forehead, in a reassuring way of course, before stepping outside for some privacy. 

 

She pulls out her phone and dials Monty's number thinking he'd probably be the best one to talk to than Miller. The phone only rings a couple of times before it’s being picked up. "You're late." Lexa curses silently when she hears Miller's deep voice -  _ of course Miller had his husband's phone, why wouldn't he? _

 

"I know, I'm sorry but Clarke was drunk so I gave her a ride home." Lexa explains. "I'm at her house but she doesn't want me to leave and she's in a pretty bad place at the moment. Do you think I could maybe stay here?" 

 

"Lexa, that wasn't apart of-" 

 

"I'll just wait until she falls asleep." Lexa interrupts. "I don't really want to see Abby right now anyway so I'd rather be home before then." Lexa didn't even notice how she had referred to Monty and Miller's as home but Miller certainly did. He sighs and mumbles something off to the side probably relaying the situation to Monty. 

 

"Fine." He sighs down the line. "Monty says it's okay but  _ only  _ until she falls asleep." 

 

"You have my word." Lexa vows and Miller chuckles. 

 

"You have school  tomorrow ." Miller warns. "Be home soon." He adds and Lexa agrees before hanging up. 

 

She slips back into Clarke's room to find that the glass of water had been completely drained and the blonde was looking anxiously around. "I'm here." Lexa says approaching the blonde. "I'll stay until you fall asleep." Lexa says and Clarke reaches her hands out patting the bed for Lexa to come closer. Lexa does as she's told and lies on her side facing her ex girlfriend. Clarke smiles and lies down facing Lexa. 

 

"We had fun didn't we?" Clarke asks and Lexa raises her eyebrows. "Together, we had fun." 

 

"The best." Lexa replies earning her a wide smile. 

 

"We had fun in this bed too." Clarke adds with a giggle and Lexa rolls her eyes but laughs nevertheless. 

 

"Yes Clarke, we had fun in this bed too." Lexa agrees. 

 

"Was it memorable?" 

 

"Everything with you is memorable." Lexa says without a doubt. "Every second I spend with you is memorable and I never want to forget it." 

 

"Do you miss me?" Clarke asks her eyes drifting closed and Lexa looks at her letting her eyes reflect the sadness that she felt at such a question. 

 

"Like someone cut a hole in me." Lexa whispers. 

 

"I have something to tell you." Clarke says drowsy already drifting off. 

 

"That can wait, sleep Clarke." Lexa coos and the blonde closes her eyes completely her breathing becoming even. Lexa smiles softly at the sight and remains in her position watching over the blonde. Lexa waits at least half an hour before kissing the blonde gently on the forehead again and making her way home as promised. This ‘something’ that Clarke kept referring to didn't even register with Lexa.

 

**_//_ **

  
  


Clarke woke up to an empty bed. Her head was pounding, her stomach uneasy and she felt like she was going to throw up. A part of her was disappointed that Lexa hadn't stayed the whole night but Clarke knew that was probably for the best. She couldn't really remember what had happened, the only thing she could recall was that Lexa had carried her inside and Clarke had asked her to stay - a momentary weakness though she could still remember the feeling of Lexa's soft warm lips pressing to her forehead. Their conversation was seriously escaping Clarke and she had no idea what they had talked about - only a few bits and pieces were making their way through her foggy mind. 

 

Clarke's stomach makes a peculiar sound and then Clarke's up on her feet and dashing to the bathroom. She falls on her knees in front of the toilet bowl and spews out everything she had consumed that night. Once she was done vomiting she did feel sufficiently better. She sits back against the wall, flushes the toilet and lets out an exhausted sigh. She was sweating and paler than ever but she was slowly regaining her colour and her wits. Clarke sits there for a while before standing up with a groan and climbing into the shower - the taste of vomit still present in her mouth. 

 

Once Clarke had showered - and brushed her teeth - she'd gotten dressed and taken aspirin to relieve her headache. She was beginning to feel normal, apart for her growling stomach, by the time that it was time to get to school. Normally, Raven picked her up, along with Octavia, but Clarke had a feeling that Raven would either be with Anya, and unable to pick the pair up, or she'd still be slightly drunk. So Clarke grabbed a bagel, more water, and got in her car to pick up the younger Blake from Bellamy's apartment where they lived. 

 

Clarke didn't even register what day it was until Bellamy was coming outside in his boxers - the boy was weird that way but at least he had a shirt on - holding a cupcake, his hair an absolute shaggy mess and looking completely spent from his party. Octavia, however, was looking amazing as always - the girl was practically model material twenty four seven although Clarke learned to never say that out loud because Octavia  _ did not _ appreciate it. "Sorry this is all we could get you." Bellamy says with a wide smile. "Money's a little tight at the moment." 

 

"Yeah, Bell's a little busy throwing parties rather than saving our money." Octavia rolls her eyes but pulls Clarke in for a tight hug. "Happy birthday princess." 

 

"This can go along with the good news you told me about." Bellamy says handing Clarke the cupcake. The blonde accepts it and blows out the candle on the top. 

 

"Oh god, can we please not talk about that?" Clarke asks with a smile. "And a birthday cupcake is more than I could ask for. You know you guys don't have to get me anything."

Clarke thanks the siblings. 

 

"Come on Clarke, you're practically one of us." Bella,y replies with a smile. Clarke hugs Bellamy too and Octavia gets into the car. 

 

"Thanks Bell." Clarke mutters. 

 

"So I wasn't too alpha male to Lexa was I?" Bellamy asks and Clarke shakes her head. 

 

"You're always an alpha male asshole but no - I don't think you even bothered her." 

 

"Oh, I bothered her, Clarke, the girl was practically murdering me with her eyes." Bellamy jokes though he was completely serious - if looks could kill then Lexa's eyes would've brutally murdered Bellamy last night. "She likes you...  _ a lot _ ." Bellamy says nudging Clarke. 

 

"You know I can't be with her even if I wanted to." Clarke replies solemnly. "I still haven't forgiven her and, well, that other thing that we’re not talking about remember?" 

 

"Yeah," Bellamy sighs. "but take my advice yeah? Life's too short, make the most of the time you've got." Clarke smiles and Bellamy grins happily knowing his words carried a lot of weight for the younger girl. "I love you Clarkey." Bellamy comments and Clarke rolls her eyes opening the door to her car. 

 

"I love you too Bell." Clarke replies before collapsing into her car seat and closing the door. Octavia grins at her in the seat beside her and Clarke raises her eyebrows in question. 

 

"It's your birthday." Octavia says in a sing song voice. "You're seventeen." 

 

"Your birthday is literally two days away." Clarke replies and Octavia scoffs. 

 

"Today is your  _ day  _ Clarke, let's make the most of it." 

 

"I have classes all day." Clarke replies sarcastically. 

 

"Let's skip, I doubt Raven will be at school." Octavia suggests and Clarke shakes her head, starting her car up, she glances at her friend. 

 

"You know I can't do that." Clarke says. 

 

"Clarke, you've already taken your SATs, what else do you possibly have to study for?" Octavia asks. "You're going to see  _ her  _ aren't you?" Octavia asks accusingly and Clarke looks at her sheepishly. 

 

"Life's too short." Is all Clarke says in response before driving towards school. Bellamy was right: some things just couldn't wait. 

 

**_//_ **

  
  


Clarke opens her locker to find a beautifully wrapped present at the base of it with a folded card on top of it. Clarke picks the card up to find familiar writing. Despite Lexa's rough edges Clarke  always found it bemusing that her writing was fucking beautiful - it was amazing to the blonde that Lexa took such care in her writing. _ 'Raven told me your locker combo, don't be too mad at her. Happy birthday sunshine. Love, That girl with the great ass.' _ Clarke rolls her eyes but snorts at the way that she signed off the card, the conversation that Clarke actually did remember, which meant Lexa had written the card sometime soon. 

 

Clarke begins unwrapping the present to reveal a little wooden box. The blonde frowns before opening the box to find a necklace, but not just any necklace, it was silver and had a beautiful star hanging from it, and that wasn't just any star, it was Polaris -  _ their  _ star - everything that had happened between them had happened right beneath this star. This star wasn't just them but it was a part of Lexa, the reserved teenage gang member who admitted she made wishes on stars, the thing that reminded Clarke that Lexa was more than what met the eye. She can't restrain the smile that spreads across her face - so wide that her cheeks hurt. 

 

She removes the necklace from the box, and places the box back in her locker, she then fastens it around her neck and picks up the star hanging from the front. Lexa's message was clear: she still loved Clarke, and she stilled hoped for them, and that broke Clarke's heart. Clarke looks around her when she sees the brunette strolling down the hallway without a care in the world. Clarke wasn't blind, she knew it'd only been a few days but Lexa was already changing, she was much happier now, clean minded, considerate and just plain calmer. Clarke reaches out and grabs her arm halting the brunette in her tracks. Lexa looks at her with surprise, obviously not expecting anyone to just grab her, but she instantly relaxes when she sees that it's Clarke. 

 

The bell rings as soon as Lexa stops and the pair glance up before Lexa looks back at Clarke with a raised eyebrow. "Come on." Clarke tugs on her arm towards a classroom that she knew was empty and she closes the door behind them. 

 

"Clarke Griffin skipping class? Now this is a rare sight." Lexa comments and Clarke rolls her eyes at her. "You're wearing it." Lexa says quietly her eyes drifting to the necklace. "I was worried you'd throw it back in my face." 

 

"There's something we need to talk about Lexa." Clarke says cutting off whatever else Lexa was about to say. She couldn't bear dragging this out but Lexa just looked so hopeful that Clarke almost didn't want to do this to her. 

 

"You keep saying that." Lexa says with a frown and Lexa looks at her with confusion. "Last night, you kept saying something about needing to tell me something, I just thought you were being a drunk." Lexa explains and Clarke pauses for a moment. "Clarke, I know what I did was wrong,  _ so so _ messed up, and I've told you I'm sorry, and I truly am, and I don't expect you to forgive me any time soon but I hope that maybe someday you and I will find a way to set aside our differences." Lexa says softly stepping closer to Clarke and Clarke doesn't step back like she probably should, no, she leans closer giving in to Lexa's words. "I'll wait for you. Junior prom has been mashed with senior prom this year and it would be my honour-" 

 

"Lexa stop." Clarke interrupts her eyes full of tears. Lexa frowns at the girl's obvious fragile state and reaches her hand out to wipe the few tears that had managed to escape. 

 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed so hard, I just, I miss you." 

 

"Please stop talking." Clarke begs. Her heart was beating feebly in her chest and Lexa nods retracting her hand but that's not what Clarke meant -  _ that's not what she meant at all.  _

 

"I'm sorry." Lexa mumbles turning away from her with her head hung low and looking to the ground. 

 

"I'm leaving." Clarke bursts and Lexa freezes, her body tenses and she stares straight ahead like she'd just been shot right in the heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all y'all who are thinking that there's going to be a time jump you may be right ;) Clarke and Lexa will have a reunion of sorts before this but I don't want to spoil too much. Let me know your thoughts!


	25. May We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa takes a deep breath and Clarke had never seen Lexa look so vulnerable and fragile before and she'd seen her in some pretty fragile situations. "if I didn't at least ask you once I think I'd regret it for the rest of my life." Clarke raises her eyebrows. "Don't go." Lexa pleads. "Stay. Stay with me, don't leave." Lexa knew that that was impossible but she had to at least say it once. 
> 
> "I can't do that." Clarke says softly and she suspected that Lexa already knew that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've entered into the dreaded exam weeks but I've got this update for y'all. I'm so ready for this time jump and I hope you all enjoy this chapter! 
> 
> Ps. Did you watch the finale? Lexa slaying and Clexa hug were absolute highlights.

Slowly, Lexa turns to see Clarke staring at her her blue eyes looking  _ blue  _ and full of glassy unshed tears. Lexa shakes her head, furrowing her brow and frowning in cousin. "What do you mean you're leaving?" Lexa asks and Clarke sighs playing with the necklace around her neck. 

 

"I took my SATs early, I've finished high school and I can enrol for early admission to med school." Clarke explains. "I'm a year ahead of everyone, I finished with straight A’s and my SATs were high enough for me to secure a place in Polis University." She elaborates and Lexa just can't believe what she's hearing. "I have enough credits to graduate." Clarke finishes and Lexa stands stunned by what the blonde was telling her. "Lexa, say something." Clarke begs and Lexa looks at her for a long moment, seemingly far away, before shaking her head and snapping back to reality. 

 

"You're- you- you're leaving?" Lexa stumbles over her words and she asks Clarke just to make sure she was hearing correctly. 

 

"We were fighting, I had nothing here to hold me back." Clarke mutters and Lexa frowns. 

 

"We're still fighting." She points out and Clarke shakes her head. 

 

"No we're not." She states it matter-of-factly and Lexa stares at her in disbelief. "I haven't forgiven you, true, but, Lexa, I've only got a few more weeks before I have to leave I don't… I don’t want to spend them avoiding you and not talking to you. You're one of the most important people in my life." 

 

"I thought I'd have time to make this right. Turns out I only have a few weeks?" Lexa asks feeling exasperated. She looks away from Clarke and takes a step back. "I- I need to go." 

 

"Lexa please-" Clarke tries.

 

"I'm not going to do anything stupid I promise." Lexa says turning to give Clarke a reassuring look. "I just... I need to go." There was nothing that Lexa or Clarke could really say so Lexa gives her a nod and exits the empty the classroom. She doesn't go back to class but rather exits the building heading towards the only place she knew would help make her feel a little less like Clarke had just destroyed her life. She wasn't running away, she was dealing, she just couldn't stand and look at Clarke like everything was okay. She needed to think this through. 

 

**//**

  
  


Lexa enters the hospital and spots the person she wanted to see immediately. He was standing looking over some kind of notes that Lexa was sure was probably from his latest session with his latest patient. Lexa still didn't know about how she felt and Monty was the best person to talk to - not just because he was her therapist but because he understood Lexa on a level that Lexa didn't even understand herself. 

 

She walks towards the young doctor and he only notices her when she's right in front of him. Monty was a therapist, his eyes were trained to see when someone was in distress, or when someone needed help, but with Lexa he just knew - her stoic mask was no match for him anymore. The girl was practically an open book to him which Lexa might have found annoying had she not grown so close to both Monty and Miller - they really were like her family. 

 

Lexa was clutching the strap of her backpack, her foot was tapping nervously on the ground and her eyes didn't stop on one object for too long. Monty had a moment of panic thinking that maybe Lexa had had a slip but he knew how ridiculous that was; the girl was determined to stay clean which, admittedly, was hard for her since she, at the moment, had no medication to treat her ADHD - and her impulsive side was getting harder to hide - but Monty was working on getting her the appropriate medication as soon as possible. 

 

Monty sets his papers to the side and the nurse behind the counter takes them. Lexa never really saw Monty in his white coat during their sessions, he simply wore his sweater, shirt, tie and trousers, but outside of his room he was wearing a white coat that had the word "Psychiatrist" printed on it with his name underneath. "I need an emergency appointment." Lexa says not bothering to greet the man. He looks at the nurse behind the counter and she begins typing away. 

 

"You have no other appointments until lunch Dr Green." She informs him and Monty nods his head in thanks and turns his eyes back to Lexa. 

 

"Right this way Lexa." He says formally. Lexa knew it was because he was in front of the nurse as soon as they were out of earshot Monty would drop his whole serious doctor act and his concerned, almost parenting personality, would take over. Lexa follows after Monty who grabs hold of her arm gently pulling her close to him. "Are you okay?" He asks with a frown. "Are you hurt? Did something happen? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be in school?" Monty voices all his questions at once scrambling Lexa's thoughts and he just shakes his head. 

 

They reach his room and they enter together with Monty discarding his white coat as soon as he sets foot inside of the space. "Lexa, what's going on?" He asks urgently. "Why aren't you at school?" His voice was borderline scolding when he said that since Lexa really should be there since she hadn't really bothered with her schoolwork - except English. Lexa wasn't failing her studies but she wasn't exactly acing them either - unlike Clarke apparently. Raven was acing all her studies, and Octavia was probably a solid B student, but Lexa was just averaging a C. Being apart of Trikru had left her with minimal downtime, meaning she spent most of her studying time running from the cops or getting into fights. 

 

Recently, Lexa had been thinking of maybe getting Indra to change their ways. Lexa had always thought that being Trikru had been her birthright but her mom had never wanted that life for her. Living with Monty and Miller made Lexa feel less like she belonged with Trikru everyday. Something that's she'd discovered about herself was that Lexa was good. Deep down beneath her leather, tight jeans, braided hair and tattoos, Lexa was still just that bright eyed little girl who'd entered the world with great expectations before she'd had it ripped out of her hands and crushed right in front of her. She was dealing with her grief now and, though things were still messy, Lexa had never felt more clear minded. 

 

"I had to leave." Lexa says after a suspenseful silence. "Clarke, she, uh..." Lexa's words fail her and she feels a large lump form in her throat preventing her from speaking anymore. Monty was about to suggest that they sit down when Lexa wraps her arms around the doctor and pulls him to her. Monty was surprised at first but he brings his arms around Lexa's back to offer her some comfort - he was well aware of what had been happening between Clarke and Lexa but the brunette seemed so distraught and not at all like herself. 

 

"Did she hurt you?" Monty asks gently and Lexa laughs through her tears at such a question. She was in this position because Lexa had hurt Clarke, not the other way around. 

 

"No." Lexa says stepping back from the hug - it was brief but it was what Lexa had needed. "She's leaving." Monty takes a sharp breath in. This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. Lexa already had abandonment issues he didn't want the love of Lexa's life leaving her to add fuel to those flames. 

 

"Wait, what do you mean she's leaving?" Monty asks with a frown. Abby hadn't mentioned anything and, although they weren't exactly close, they were still colleagues and Monty figured he should know if one of his fellow doctors - the chief cardio no less - was leaving. 

 

"She's graduating early." Lexa explains dumping her bag on the ground - it was almost ridiculous how comfortable Lexa was in Monty's presence now. Lexa just knew that Monty wouldn't judge her and she felt safe when she talked to him. "I hate her stupid smart brain." Lexa says with a frown and she was aware that that sentence made no sense but she just didn't know how else to express how she was feeling. She drops down on the sofa and puts her head in her hands. "I know I don't really have a right to be upset, I mean, I'm the villain in our story, but it still hurts." Lexa says looking up at Monty who was taking a seat across from Lexa in his chair. "I just, I thought that Clarke would be a constant in my life, she's kind of my anchor, and I don't know- I knew she'd leave eventually but I thought I'd have a little more time." 

 

"You have every right to be upset Lexa." Monty reassures with a gentle smile. "How did she react, when she told you?" Lexa leans back and thinks for a moment. "Was she upset, or..." Monty trails off waiting for Lexa to fill in the blank. 

 

"She was upset, I gave her a birthday gift which I think just made her mad at me, or something, I don't know, but after she told me I couldn't stay and she- she was worried that I’d do something." Lexa says which was true, Lexa had seen it in her eyes, the total lack of trust that Clarke held for Lexa was devastating. "What do I do Monty?" Monty purses his lips and takes a moment to think on what Lexa was telling him. 

 

"You did the right thing coming here." Monty praises. "You can't let this news drag you down Lexa, there's a lot of hardships you're going to face and you can't slip back each time." Lexa nods, she already knew that, though her willpower had grown over the past few days she was still fresh out of an addiction and old habits die hard as they say. "Clarke's reaction doesn't surprise me." Monty says crossing his legs and Lexa raises an eyebrow. 

 

"Oh really?" Lexa question and Monty chuckles because Lexa was so blatantly oblivious. 

 

"Although I don't think she's necessarily ready to forgive you just yet, I do believe that she still loves you and you obviously still love her." 

 

"She's leaving." Lexa reminds him and Monty smiles sadly at her. "I know, and that's what makes this whole situation so... shit." He says and Lexa's eyebrows shoot up in shock because she'd never heard Monty curse before but he was right: it was shit. It was the shittiest thing that had happened to Lexa since her arm had been broken, her knee cap busted and she’d been tortured within an inch of her life. 

 

"You know what they say Lexa, if you love something set it free, if it comes back, then it's yours." Monty says. "If it doesn't, then it never was." And that's the part that Lexa was so afraid of: the fact that Clarke was leaving, and she was leaving Lexa behind, Lexa would become just a figment of Clarke's past, an ex that she'll talk about to her future boyfriends and girlfriends, hell, Lexa might even become Clarke's Finn: a cautionary tale to her next significant other of how badly she'd been hurt. Lexa closes her eyes and takes a deep breath in. The image of Clarke flutters in her mind: the blue of her eyes, the blonde of her hair, her skin, her warmth, her smile, her  _ everything.  _ Lexa didn't want to become Clarke's Finn. She also didn't want Clarke to leave but that was unstoppable - Lexa was not going to be the person who held Clarke back relationship or no relationship.  _ If you love something set it free. _ That's what Monty said and he was completely right. 

 

"Thanks Monty, I should get back to school." Lexa says standing up and grabbing her bag. "I, uh, I should make it back for the last half of morning classes." 

 

"You did the right thing coming here." Monty repeats hoping that Lexa saw the weight behind that statement because this was a vital step forward - Lexa was dealing not hiding. 

 

"Yeah." Lexa sighs shouldering her bag. "I'll be okay." Lexa says and Monty hears the doubt but that was an issue for another day. He follows Lexa to the door and the young teen pauses in the doorway, a thought crossing her mind,  _ if it comes back it's yours. _ A part of Lexa was hoping that the blonde would return to her one day but she didn't see that happening anytime soon. 

 

**//**

  
  


Lexa gets back just at the end of second period and, since there was a break, she begins making her way down the hallways in search of her blonde haired friend when her phone chimes with an incoming message. 

 

_ [Raven Reyes] - Meet me in shop Woods. We gotta talk about C-dog.  _

 

Lexa shakes her head but laughs at Raven ridiculous nickname for Clarke before stuffing her phone back in her pocket and beginning walking towards shop class which Lexa happened to know was Raven's favourite class. 

 

Lexa enters the classroom to find only Raven standing by a nearby workbench hunched over some kind of contraption which Lexa assumed was supposed to be something but it wasn't anything quite yet. "Reyes." Lexa says startling the mechanic. She turns around with her usual wide grin and Lexa rolls her eyes. "What's up?" 

 

"The sky." She retorts and Lexa narrows her eyes though an amused grin tugs at the corner of her lips. "Clarke." Lexa frowns but she doesn't mention the fact that the sky reminded Lexa of the blonde - which was pretty shit since once she was gone Lexa would have to look up at the sky and be reminded of what she fucked up. 

 

"What about her?" Lexa asks and Raven gives her a sheepish look and Lexa lifts her head knowingly. She swallows down the sense of betrayal that she felt form a lump in her throat, this wasn't Raven's fault, she was just trying to be a good formed. "You knew." Lexa's voice comes out strangled, no matter how hard she tried to hide her emotions, and Raven feels instantly guilty. 

 

"I know when I was talking about it with you in the treehouse you thought I meant after senior year but-" 

 

"But you meant this year." Lexa concludes and Raven nods. Lexa sighs and runs a hand through her loose curls. "It's okay Raven, you were just being her best friend." Lexa says dismissively. "So, Octavia?" 

 

"Oh, no, O leaves next year like us but she'll still be leaving." Raven answers. 

 

"How come  _ you're  _ still here?" Lexa asks and Raven shrugs. 

 

"I have certain ties to this town and I have no rush to graduate." She answers.

 

"You mean my sister." Lexa accuses and Raven shakes her head but an adoring smile lights her face. 

 

"Anya may be a reason as to why I want to stay," Raven admits. "but there's no rush for me to go to college, I'll probably major in a second anyway, I don't know if you've noticed but I'm incredibly smart." 

 

"Actually, I hadn't noticed." Lexa replies teasingly. Raven opens her mouth, ready to give a smartass retort, when the sound of a gunshot punctuates the air. Both girls freeze on the spot and stare at each other confused as to what had just happened. They only move again when they hear the shouts of panicked students and a second gunshot ringing through the hallways. 

 

An influx of students enter the workshop and the sound of other classroom doors slamming shut is heard echoing all down the hallway. Someone closes the shop door, locking it, and Raven and Lexa look at each other in disbelief. The lights are flicked off by someone, though it didn't darken too considerably since it was still morning, but the atmosphere was thick with tension and fear. Not Lexa though, she couldn't count how many times she'd been pinned down by gunfire before, but she still understood the anxiety that came along with it. "Get away from the door." Lexa hisses and the new students all turn around in surprise when they hear the voice from inside the shop. "Get behind something and start calling, texting, tweeting, whatever." Lexa says and the students pull out their phones listening to Lexa's orders. Raven was shaking slightly as she pulls her own phone from her pocket and Lexa pulls her down behind a bench. "Raven." Lexa says softly. "It's okay, it's alright, I'm here." Lexa says as though that should offer Raven some comfort and, surprisingly, it does. 

 

"Wait, you’re Lexa Woods." A student whispers and Lexa rolls her eyes. "I thought if anyone would be shooting a gun in school it would be you." He says and Lexa glares at him, her anger causing her to ball her hands into fists, but this was not the time nor the place. 

 

"Shut the fuck up Brad." Another student hisses and Lexa turns back to Raven. 

 

"Octavia got out." Raven breathes a sigh of relief. "She was near the exit when it went down." 

 

"Clarke?" Lexa asks and Raven looks up to meet her eyes. 

 

"She's not answering." Raven replies and Lexa's heart rate picks up considerably with fright. She glances around the classroom and her eyes land on the window at the back of the class.  _ They were on the ground floor. _ Lexa knew Anya had decided to stay home for the day, since she had a hangover, so her mind was at ease that her sister was safe, but Clarke. There was no way Lexa was going to leave without finding Clarke first. 

 

Lexa wordlessly crosses to the window and pushes it open. The rest of the students follow after the former gang member and they all stare at her wondering what she was doing. "Okay, you can climb out here, we’re on the ground floor so it shouldn't be a problem." Lexa explains. She reaches her hand out to a student who takes it hesitantly. She helps them out of the window and then they drop the short distance and sprint away as soon as their feet hit the ground. 

 

One by one Lexa helped the students out the window with Raven's help, since she could take some weight on her broken arm but some of the - especially muscular - male students were a bit of a problem for her. Once everyone was out of the window Lexa looks up to meet Raven's eyes. "After you?" Raven asks with a grin and Lexa glances at the window before returning her gaze back to Raven. 

 

"Raven go." Lexa says. "Find Miller and tell him to call me. Something tells me he'll be out there somewhere." Lexa tells her and she stands up to take off. 

 

"Lexa, what the hell are you doing?" Raven pulls the brunette back by her collar and, had it been anyone  _ but  _ Raven, Lexa probably would've punched them for daring to do such a thing. Raven was staring at Lexa, a silent plea in her eyes that showed just how worried she was and simultaneously how stupid she thought Lexa was being. Lexa places her hands on Raven’s arms in a comforting gesture and the mechanic does relax slightly. 

 

"It's  _ Clarke  _ Raven." Lexa says with her voice low and serious. "I have to go find her." 

 

"You don't even know where she is!" Raven protests in a low whisper that sounded more like a hiss. Raven was right, Lexa didn't know where Clarke was, and, for all she knew, whoever had shot that gun was right outside that door, but she couldn't  _ not  _ go after the blonde. 

 

"What did she have last? You're her best friend, surely you know?" Lexa urges and Raven shakes her head.  _ Stubborn, reckless, impulsive, stupid, Lexa Woods.  _

 

_ Head over heart, _ Lexa's mind screams,  _ leave her behind. Is she really worth your own life? _ Her head says. _ Always! _ Her heart screams in protest. Love isn't weakness, it’s strength. Love fuels wars, love makes you do stupid things but it pushes you to be a better person, it means you live for so much more and Clarke Griffin was worth living and dying for. "Raven, dodging bullets is kind of what I do." Lexa reminds her - she figured the best way to go about this whole situation was by convincing Raven first instead of forcing information. 

 

"Are you forgetting that time that you actually got shot?" Raven asks eyes wide and Lexa smiles at her. 

 

"That was just lucky." Lexa says dismissively. "I'm used to this kind of thing, danger is my middle name, but if I don't go find Clarke, and something happens to her, then I will hate myself for the rest of my life." 

 

"God, living with a cop has turned you into a self righteous asshat, you know that?" Raven says sarcastically coaxing a soft laugh from Lexa. "Gym." Raven states and Lexa turns her head to the side in confusion. "That's what Clarke had, gym, go get her and please, for the love of God, don't die." Raven says. The mechanic pulls Lexa in for a bone crushing hug and Lexa sighs at the feeling of her friend - if this was the last time she got to see Raven then she was damn well going to enjoy it. Raven pulls back and, with one last look at her friend, she climbs out the window, like the rest of her fellow students had, leaving Lexa alone. 

 

Lexa makes her way to the classroom door staying low so as to not be seen through the small window in the door. She very slowly turns the lock, careful not to make the slightest of sounds, and she then slowly pulls the door open, wincing when she heard it creak slightly on its hinges. She had one goal: find Clarke. 

 

The school was like a ghost town the second Lexa stepped foot into the hallway. There was no one and there was definitely no sound - the only thing Lexa could hear was the ticking of some clock that echoed through the hallway. She begins down the empty stretch, cursing every time her loud boots made even the slightest of sound, Lexa caught eyes looking at her behind one of the classroom doors and she made a gesture for them to get down and to stay quiet.  _ Lexa Woods helping people? Lexa Woods risking her life? What had happened? _ When Miller had suggested Lexa join the police academy she had laughed, thought he was joking, but, right now, Lexa could honestly see herself in some kind of position like that. 

 

Lexa continues on her way when she crosses paths with a straggling student who had obviously not been lucky enough to take cover in one of the nearby classrooms that Lexa was certain were locked waiting for help to arrive. The girl yelps when she sees Lexa and Lexa's green eyes widen. She brings her finger up to her lips and silently makes her way towards the girl. "What's your name?" Lexa whispers very quietly. 

 

"Harper." The girl replies. Lexa glances around before focusing back on the girl. 

 

"Head to shop, the doors open, everyone in there climbed out the window." Lexa instructs lowly and the girl stares at her in shock. 

 

"You're Lexa Woods." So Lexa's reputation proceeded her -  _ how nice. _ "Wait, why didn't you leave with everyone?" 

 

"I have to find someone." Lexa replies. "Now hurry, go." 

 

"My friend, we got separated." 

 

"What's their name?" Lexa asks. She hated crouching in the hallway - she literally felt like a sitting duck. 

 

"Finn Collins." Harper replies.  _ You've got to be kidding me, _ Lexa stares at her in disbelief - hopefully this girl was just a friend and not a victim of Finn's. 

 

"If I see him I'll send him your way." Lexa promises because although Lexa was petty she wasn't  _ that  _ petty. Harper nods and carries on her way towards shop and Lexa had to admit she was sort of proud she'd helped someone. Gym wasn't that far away but Lexa was moving stealthily and subsequently she was moving slow. No more gunshots, which Lexa took as a good sign. 

 

She slips into the girl’s locker room to find it completely abandoned. There were scattered clothing all around the room and a particular bag that Lexa recognised. Lexa picks up the bag to find it half open, undeniably Clarke's backpack, she pulls on the opening, tearing the bag open, to find multiple textbooks, along with a few notebooks, and a sketch pad, nothing important. And then Lexa sees it, glinting at the bottom of the bag is Clarke's phone - undoubtedly switched off as the blonde always switched it off when she was at school. Lexa pockets the phone and leaves the bag, logical really, she couldn't be lugging a bag around but a phone slid nicely in her pocket. 

 

She looks around the deserted locker room trying to think like the blonde. Her eyes scan over the numerous bags left in disarray. Clarke wouldn't just run out into the hall, and she certainly wouldn't go towards the gunfire, it was times like this that Lexa wished she didn't skip gym - not that she really needed it - that way she would be able to know the place better. Lexa's eyes catch sight of something and they stop in their frenzy of searching. A bathroom.  _ Of course, a bathroom! _

 

Lexa jogs over to the bathroom and pushes the door open. She steps inside the room, her heavy boots echoing off the walls all around her. She turns towards the stalls but sees no sign of anyone being in them. Lexa wanted to curse, she wanted to scream, not knowing where Clarke was was too hard for her. 

 

That's when Lexa hears a very small, very short, whimper. It was the quietest one and the perpetrator must have realised what they were doing and attempted to cut it off but Lexa had heard it. She steps in front of the stall, her big boots peaking just below the door, and then she pushes it open to see a very terrified looking blonde standing on the toilet seat. Her eyes were wide and wild with worry and Lexa floods with relief at finding her. "Lexa?" Clarke asks lowly. 

 

"Clarke, it's okay." Lexa says. "I found yo-" Lexa doesn't get to finish her sentence because Clarke is flinging herself into the brunette's arms no longer capable of holding in her sobs. "Shh, Clarke, it's okay, it's okay." 

 

"What are you doing here?" Clarke whisper yells pulling back to stare at Lexa's green eyes. 

 

"You didn't think I'd leave you did you?" Lexa asks with a small smile. Clarke stares at the brunette in shock, she'd never felt so relieved to be in her arms then she was at that moment. 

 

"Well yeah." Clarke admits. 

 

"Never." Lexa replies bringing her hands up to rest on Clarke's cheeks. That's when Lexa hears the unmistakable sound of the bathroom door opening. Lexa swiftly pushes Clarke back and lifts her up so she lands on the toilet seat with ease and blocks her from whoever had just entered. 

 

"Lex-" Clarke begins but Lexa presses her index finger to the blonde's lips with her eyes darting between the door and Clarke. They would've certainly spotted Lexa by now but if she could just get out then they would never know Clarke was in the stall and she could keep her safe. Lexa gives Clarke a stern look, her green eyes screaming with the order to 'stay', and Clarke shakes her head in protest but Lexa just asserts her order and Clarke finds herself reluctantly agreeing. 

 

Lexa slips out of the stall and freezes when she sees a young man with long shaggy black hair with his back to her. "Finn?" Lexa asks and the boy turns around with his eyes wide with fright -  _ maybe he hadn't seen Lexa after all.  _

 

"Shit Woods." He breathes. "You scared the crap out of me." He says relaxing slightly. It was funny really, that people used to fear Lexa but when it came to gunfire she was the go to expert of keeping everyone safe. How awfully ironic. Lexa wants to hit him for his stupid face, and stupid hair, but she has a feeling that's more to do with the adrenaline she feels pumping through her body. 

 

"Did you see anybody?" Lexa asks. 

 

"No but I heard the gunshots. What the fuck is going on?" He asks panicked and Lexa steps past him to glance out of the door. The locker room was still in the state of disarray it had been before with no sign of anyone else being in. 

 

"I don't know," Lexa answers Finn's question. "but whatever it is, it's nothing good." Lexa had nothing, her trusty penknife was locked up in evidence in her impending self defense case, and she didn’t exactly think to bring a weapon to school. "Clarke, you can come out now." Lexa says ignoring Finn's shocked expression. Clarke exits out of the stall and Lexa feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She fishes it out and answers without even glancing at the caller ID. 

 

"Lexa! Thank God you're okay!" Lexa smiles when she hears Miller's voice and Clarke watches her carefully as she turns around too absorbed in her conversation to pay attention to anything else. "Raven told me what you did. Do you have any idea how dangerous that could be?" Miller scolds and Lexa chuckles. 

 

"I found her." Lexa replies and Clarke was really curious now. 

 

"Unimportant right now." Miller chastises but Lexa knows he's secretly proud. 

 

"I couldn't just leave her, I had to find her." Lexa says defensively. "I'm bringing them out." 

 

"Slow down cowboy." Miller says. "You don't know where the shooter is and who exactly is  _ them _ ." 

 

"It doesn't matter, look, I've got to get them out of here and then I'll do something." Lexa reasons and she can hear Miller's disapproving frown even from where she stood. 

 

"Lexa, no."  _ Lexa yes, _ Lexa thinks. "I realise that all you want to do is help but this is stupid and reckless and I cannot condone it." Miller says. His vow was to serve and protect and letting Lexa go would not be fulfilling it. 

 

"Miller?" Lexa asks and she steps further away from Clarke and Finn. "I've got this, trust me." 

 

"Lexa-" 

 

"I'll be okay." Lexa interrupts. "I've got to go." Lexa hangs up and shoves her phone in her pocket. She turns around the see Finn looking at her, still with wide frightened eyes, and Clarke staring at her with curious ones. "We have to get to shop." Lexa tells them. "The others escaped through the window. I sent Harper that way." Lexa directs the end of her sentence towards Finn and she's surprised when she sees the guy sigh in relief - like he actually cared. 

 

Lexa exits the bathroom first, checking around the locker room to make sure no one had entered, when the coast is clear Lexa signals for Clarke and Finn to follow. Lexa steps out into the hallway, her boots echoing, she glances left to see it empty and then right to see no one. The school was completely deserted. She waves for them to follow and gestures for them to be quiet. 

 

They make their way down the hallway wordlessly and Lexa jumps when she feels a hand grab hold of her own. She glances down to see a familiar feeling and looking hand in her own. She looks at Clarke with curiosity and then gives her a reassuring smile. She knew that Clarke head reached for her because she was scared but her touch, no matter how small, still managed to make Lexa's heart skip a beat. "Where's the shooter?" Finn asks and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"I don't know Finn, I don't exactly have a gps on them." Lexa mutters. "Shut up will you?" Lexa says lowly and the boy frowns. 

 

"What happens if they're down here and we're walking into a trap?" He asks and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"I think the gunfire was misfire." Lexa admits and Clarke frowns in confusion, which was cute, and Finn also frowns in confusion, which was less than cute, in fact, it was a little irritating to Lexa - though she supposed she wasn't being fair. "In my experience, two gunshots, no casualties and no more gunfire usually means that whoever shot that gun probably didn't mean to." Lexa explains. "Probably some stupid kid who thought firing a gun would be cool." 

 

"Why would they do that?" Clarke asks. 

 

"People do stupid things Clarke." Lexa replies with a shrug and the blonde goes quiet. 

 

"Yeah princess, people do stupid things." Finn says nudging her and Lexa was relieved that they were almost out because she couldn't stand being around Finn for much longer. The surrounding classrooms were still locked and  Lexa supposed that the students inside them were still hiding. Obviously, Lexa couldn't be sure that her theory was correct but she did know that it seemed a little off that there had only been two gunshots and no more. 

 

They reach the workshop and Lexa hustles them over to the window where she helps Clarke out who gives her one last look as their hands finally part. Lexa then turns to Finn and grabs him by his shirt pulling him close to her face. "Look after her." Lexa orders and Finn looks just as frightened as he had in the bathroom. 

 

"W-where are you going?" He asks as Lexa releases his shirt. 

 

"I'm going to help other students." Lexa answers. "If I know Clarke she won't want me to stay but you have to take her away and get her to safety, okay, if there's even a chance that I'm wrong and there actually is a maniac going around shooting things up, I want Clarke as far away as possible." Lexa tells him and Finn stares at her in shock. 

 

"What happened to you?" He asks and his words, for once, weren't arrogant or irritating he was generally interested in knowing what had happened to the young teenage girl who had once only used to come into school reeking of alcohol and sex and Lexa's answer would always be Clarke. That's what had happened. Trikru was her past now, she knew for certain that she wanted to become a cop, maybe even a detective, who knew. She gives Finn a small smile and pats him on the shoulder. 

 

"Life happened." She replies and he nods his head in understanding. Lexa hands him Clarke's phone that she had pocketed before and the boy takes it, already knowing who it belonged to, before exiting through the window. Lexa sighs, she felt lighter now that she knew all of her friends were safe, and now she was going to help whoever she could until the police finally got their assess inside.

 

**//**

  
  


By the time that the cops finally sent in an armed forces team Lexa had managed to get twenty more students in nearby classrooms out of the window and to safety. When the police had escorted her outside she'd been greeted by cheers, pats on the shoulder, smiles and just thanks from everyone. Lexa wasn't used to it, she wasn't used to this kind of thing, the old her would've saved her ass first, she would've been the first one out of that window, and she wouldn't have cared but she did care. Lexa had buried that part of her a long time ago, the part that resonated and cared for people, but she'd slowly gotten that part of her back, the part that cared, and she'd missed caring. For so long she'd only cared for her family, and even then it had been a little hitty-missy, but now she had a whole bunch of people she cared about: Monty, Miller, Clarke, Raven, Octavia, hell, even Jasper. Apparently Lexa had forgotten that she had once been such a caring soul. 

 

One of the officers lead her towards Miller who gives her the sternest look she's ever seen on the young detective's face. "Do you have any idea how stupid that was?" He scolds. 

 

"I had to do something." Lexa argues. “I couldn't just leave them." 

 

"Goddam it Lexa." Miller says scratching his head. "I'm really trying to think of a way to be mad at you but, honestly, if it had been me, I would've done the same." Miller admits and Lexa smiles at him. He shakes his head, a smile breaking out onto his lips. He slings his arm over her shoulder and pulls her to his side in a half embrace. "You did good kid." Miller says ruffling her hair. "Just don't tell Monty or he might kill me and he might kill you." 

 

"Deal." Lexa agrees because Monty was the worrier for the two of them - he just couldn't help it though. 

 

"Lexa?" Lexa looks to her right to see Clarke standing a few feet away and Miller lets the brunette go. 

 

"Right, well, I should go, um, do my job." He mutters as an excuse. "I told you I know a good cop when I see one." Miller ruffles her hair again causing Lexa to scowl at him. He winks at her and then glances at the blonde girl he was certain was Clarke. He wonders off to go discuss the situation with his colleagues but so far Lexa's theory of a stupid kid accidentally firing the gun was looking truer by the second. Lexa turns to Clarke, fixing her hair that Miller had managed to mess up, and the blonde gives her a look that Lexa doesn't really understand. 

 

"Thank you." Clarke says and Lexa raises her eyebrows. 

 

"I can't believe you thought I'd just leave you." Lexa says stepping closer. 

 

"Well, to be fair, I didn't know you'd gotten back to school." Clarke points out because the last she'd seen Lexa she was storming out of the empty classroom and heading towards the exit. Lexa smiles sadly and nods her head remembering that Clarke was leaving. "You were kind of amazing today." Clarke forgets about her anger for a second to just really appreciate what Lexa had done: she'd risked her life to save students she didn’t know, Clarke and even Finn - that was an admirable feat. Lexa shrugs and shoves her hands in her pockets. 

 

"I just did what I thought was right." Lexa replies. "I didn't really do anything." 

 

"What? Lexa, you saved everyone, you saved Harper, you saved Finn, you saved  _ me _ ." Clarke points out. "Give yourself some credit." 

 

"Why should I when normally I'm a terrible human being?" Lexa questions and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"You've never been terrible to me, I've always seen the good in you, maybe it's time you see it too." Clarke comments and Lexa takes a deep breath. They stare at each other for a long moment, the atmosphere full of hurt, a little awkwardness, but mostly of longing and wanting. "My leaving party is this week," Clarke tells Lexa. "you should come." Lexa smiles slightly at the blonde and nods her head. She was about to reply when she's practically tackled into a bear hug by a body that's flying at least a hundred miles per hour. Clarke laughs as Raven lands on top of Lexa in a pile on the floor and she shakes her head. At least something good came out of Clarke and Lexa: Raven and Lexa were for sure going to be lifelong friends. 

 

"Don't you ever do that again you stupid, stupid, stupid, although admiralty attractive, idiot." Raven scolds and Lexa laughs groaning from the impact that Raven had hit her with. 

 

"Thanks for that Reyes, I needed you tackling me to the ground." Lexa complains. 

 

"Shut the fuck up and hug me. I thought you were going to die." Raven says and Lexa rolls her eyes but does as Raven instructs. "Get in here princess, you were with the commander here." Raven orders and Clarke shakes her head. 

 

"Maybe next time." Clarke says. "I should go find Octavia, make sure she's okay." Clarke takes off and Raven watches after her before standing back up and helping Lexa up off of the ground. The brunette dusts herself down and Raven gives her her characteristic wide smile. 

 

"So," Raven says wiggling her eyebrows. "you still on the fence about being a cop?" Lexa laughs in response. 

 

"No, not anymore." She replies.

 

**//**

 

Lexa wasn't one for parties which was why she'd disappeared to go sit out on top of the porch roof of Clarke's house like she had all those months ago when they had shared their first kiss. That seemed like a lifetime ago by now and Lexa couldn't believe that the blonde was just leaving after everything. 

 

Lexa sips at her drink when she hears someone drop down from the open window just above the porch and sit beside her. She doesn't have to look to know that it's Clarke, Lexa just knows, she always knew when it was Clarke. Lexa looks to her side to see Clarke staring at the bottle in her hands and Lexa lets out an unhumorous laugh. "Don't worry, it's root beer." Lexa informs her. 

 

"How come?" Clarke asks. It wasn't as though Clarke had drank a lot herself but she'd half expected Lexa to. 

 

"Monty says I should abstain from all types of drugs until I'm clean... even the legal ones." Lexa shrugs and Clarke stares at her as the brunette stares straight down. Clarke felt overwhelmingly guilty, which she knew she shouldn't, she shouldn't be the one who feels this way, but she did. Maybe her leaving would hurt Lexa beyond repair and that scared Clarke, that  _ scared  _ her, and God did she miss Lexa. She never really knew what missing someone felt like - not this way anyway - she missed Lexa's comfort and warmth, she missed Lexa's smile and lips, she missed running her hands through Lexa's soft curls, she missed  _ Lexa _ , she  _ missed  _ her. 

 

"I'm sorry." Clarke mutters catching Lexa's attention. Lexa turns to face her again and her eyebrow raises slightly in a questioning way. "I'm sorry for leaving you." 

 

"Don't be." Lexa says swallowing her emotions with another sip of root beer. "You have to do this for yourself, that's why I-" Lexa stops mid sentence and winces slightly at her almost slip up. "That's why you're you," Lexa says. "you're driven and determined to become a doctor and I'm proud of you for that. I don't want to be the reason you don't do the thing you love the most." Because that's what Clarke was doing - she was just doing it earlier than most. Clarke falls silent for a moment, relaxing in the cool night air that breezed past every few minutes. 

 

"I heard that the gunfire at school was some kid who thought bringing a gun into school was a good idea." Clarke says nudging Lexa's shoulder. 

 

"Sounds like me." Lexa jokes and Clarke scoffs. 

 

"Sounds like the  _ old  _ you." She comments and Lexa smiles at her. Clarke's eyes wonder briefly to her lips and then back up again to green eyes that were looking at her with confusion. 

 

"You're leaving." Lexa states with a sad smile and Clarke nods her head. 

 

"I'm leaving." She replies and Lexa swallows thickly. Clarke makes a bold move and rests a hand on Lexa's cheek, cupping it, and when the brunette doesn't pull away she takes her other hand and cups the other side. She allows her thumbs to trail over Lexa's face, remembering the softness of her skin, the pink and shape of her lips, the green of her beautiful eyes, Clarke wanted to memorise it for the rest of her life. She  _ never  _ wanted to forget Lexa. She loved Lexa. And maybe a part of her always would love her. "Can we just have tonight?" Clarke asks and Lexa furrows her brow and Clarke smiles slightly at the sight. 

 

"Clarke?" Lexa asks unsure of herself. 

 

"Lexa." Clarke replies and the young teens stare at one another for a long moment. Lexa wasn't going to make the first move, Clarke could tell, she respected Clarke way to much to try and kiss her but Clarke wanted to kiss her. So that's what she does. If she was going to memorise Lexa, so that her image burned in her mind for the rest of eternity, she was going to do it right. She leans in and kisses Lexa softly on the lips, enticing a small gasp from the brunette who was obviously surprised, but they find their rhythm with one another easily. Clarke nips at Lexa's bottom lip coaxing a soft moan from her but that wasn't enough. The kiss intensifies and Lexa builds up the courage to actually touch Clarke with her hands pulling her closer to her. 

 

Clarke could feel Lexa shaking under her hands.  _ Or was that herself? _ Either way, both teens were extremely emotional and both just wanted to make the most of each other for as long as they could. Clarke pulls away first to be greeted by green eyes that flicker open to look at her. Clarke smiles and runs her thumb over Lexa's lips. It felt good to finally to be able to kiss Lexa. "Come with me." Clarke orders standing up and entwining their hands together. 

 

Clarke leads Lexa to her bedroom, much to Lexa's shock, and she locks the door before stepping further into the room where Lexa was stood. "Clarke, what are we doing?" Lexa asks as the blonde gently pushes Lexa's leather jacket from her shoulders. All that want, all that hurt, Clarke just wanted it to stop, at least, for tonight. She wanted to memorise more than just Lexa's face. She wanted to memorise all of her. "What are we?" Lexa asks letting Clarke touch her where she so desired - it was her night after all. 

 

"We're two people who might never see each other again." Clarke whispers stepping closer to Lexa's ear and nibbling on it softly. "We're two girls who, for tonight, are just going to be with each other and set everything aside." Clarke still didn't forgive Lexa but she needed her - she needed her more than ever. Lexa doesn't say anything, she simply allows Clarke to kiss down her jaw and her neck, her hand slipping underneath the brunette's shirt causing her to shiver from the coldness of it. 

 

"Clarke I-" 

 

"Shh." Clarke says tugging on her shirt. "You don't have to say anything." She tells the brunette and Lexa smirks at that - she just can't help it. If this was what Clarke wanted then Lexa was more than happy to oblige because she needed this too. 

 

Clarke's not even surprised when she feels Lexa's hands pull her shirt over her head in one swift movement, or when Lexa's kissing her with such force that Clarke was sure her lips would bruise, because Lexa had always been like this: she'd always been the first. Clarke's first  _ first _ , Clarke’s first  _ real  _ love, Clarke's first heartbreak, there was Lexa. Sure, there was Finn but he hadn't quite broken her like Lexa had. As the brunette's hands glide over her skin, in the ways that Clarke had forgotten that Lexa was capable of, she feels like she's fixing her. Lexa, the one who broke things, fixing Clarke. How ironic. 

 

Clarke falls tired of the girls teasing and pulls Lexa's shirt over her head leaving them both topless. The room was quickly heating up and it wasn't long before Clarke was unbuckling Lexa's belt on her pants as the brunette's lips caresses her skin, down her collarbone, kissing every inch of skin that they could. Lexa chuckles against Clarke's skin sending vibrations onto it and causing the girl to softly moan. "Someone's a little eager." Lexa says referring to the fact that Clarke had already unbuttoned her pants and was leading her towards the bed. 

 

"I miss you Lexa." Clarke whispers and Lexa practically melts in her hands when she hears Clarke say that. She allows Clarke to push her down onto the bed, and to remove her pants without protest, as the blonde let her hands roam the whole of her body, reeling in the smoothness and the general heat of Lexa. Lexa was always so warm.  _ What the hell was up with that? _

 

Clarke connects their lips, instantly deepening the kiss, and Lexa groans when she feels a leg between her thighs. She gasps slightly and Clarke smirks, already feeling Lexa's arousal and feeling her hips buck in anticipation, but Clarke was going to take her time. She was going to savour this moment with Lexa more than any other time because, although the brunette had been her first, this was their last time and Clarke wanted to remember it when she was old and grey. " _ Clarke _ ." Lexa moans as her hands move from Clarke's waist to her hips. She was slightly disappointed that Clarke was still wearing her pants but she was in no position to fix that predicament. "Clarke will you-  _ oh _ ." Lexa groans when she feels Clarke roll her hips which causes friction between her leg and Lexa's very sensitive spot. 

 

"Shh." Clarke coos in her ear and Lexa shudders at the sensation it gives her. "Let me take care of you." Clarke whispers and Lexa nods her head already a moaning mess. So that's what Lexa: did three times. 

 

**//**

 

The next morning, when the teens woke up, both were thoroughly exhausted and both were thoroughly naked. Lexa was sound asleep, snuggled in the crook of Clarke's neck, her arm, that was still in its cast and, honestly, that had been a pain in the neck last night, rested beneath a pillow, while the other was slung over Clarke in a protective way. Clarke was lying on her back but her body was molded perfectly with Lexa's. She trails her fingers over the tattoo that was on Lexa's right arm, the one that was slung over her, and smiles when she hears the cutest little content sigh leave Lexa's lips in her sleep. 

 

The blankets that were over them were in a disarray but were, thankfully, still covering them so should anyone decide to walk in, which even if they did they couldn't since they had locked the door, they would be protected from their prying eyes. "That tickles." She hears a sleepy mumble from beside her say and Clarke smiles at how adorable it was. Clarke kisses her on the temple, and then her jaw, and then her nose, and the brunette slowly opens her eyes green hitting Clarke right in the face in the best possible way. 

 

"Sleep well?" Clarke asks and Lexa nods sighing when she feels Clarke's fingers thread their way through her hair.  _ This felt familiar, this felt right _ . 

 

"I was exhausted, what did you expect?" Lexa asks closing her eyes from the relaxing movement of Clarke's hands. "Three times Griffin." 

 

"What? You only did it once with Niylah?" Clarke asks and Lexa opens her eyes immediately feeling like she'd just been punched in the stomach. 

 

" _ Clarke _ ..." Lexa says hesitantly and the blonde shakes her head. 

 

"I'm sorry." Clarke apologises. "I-" 

 

"Don't need to say sorry? I know." Lexa interrupts turning to face the blonde and Clarke turns on her side so that she could do the same. Her hands move from Lexa's hair to stroke her face caressing it gently. 

 

"Last night was..." Clarke tails off searching Lexa's eyes and all she finds is smiles. 

 

"I know." Lexa says. The pair fall silent, just staring and taking each other in, if Lexa could have her way she'd never let Clarke Griffin go but this wasn't about her. "You're so beautiful." Lexa says breathlessly. 

 

"Shut up." Clarke says with an eye roll. "You're such a romantic sap." Clarke stays with a chuckle and Lexa nods in agreement. _ What? She was.  _

 

"Clarke." Lexa pauses for a moment, trying to decide if what she wanted to say was worth it or not, she decides to just go for it. "I love you, I love you so much, and I know I messed up, and I know I said that I'm happy for you, and that you need to do this for yourself, but," Lexa takes a deep breath and Clarke had never seen Lexa look so vulnerable and fragile before and she'd seen her in some pretty fragile situations. "if I didn't at least ask you once I think I'd regret it for the rest of my life." Clarke raises her eyebrows. "Don't go." Lexa pleads. "Stay. Stay with me, don't leave." Lexa knew that that was impossible but she had to at least say it once. 

 

"I can't do that." Clarke says softly and she suspected that Lexa already knew that. She kisses her on the lips hoping to ease some of that heartache and smiles when she feels Lexa's lips upturn. "You should go before my mom gets back." Clarke says pulling away and Lexa begins kissing down her neck and Clarke pushes her away playfully. "No Lexa, not enough time for that." Clarke scolds and Lexa pouts. 

 

"Just five minutes?" She asks and Clarke cocks an eyebrow. 

 

"Five minutes? You're that sure of yourself?" Clarke asks. 

 

"Well, I mean, I probably only need two." Lexa teases her hands drifting down under the covers. 

 

"What? Three times not good enough for you?" Clarke asks with a smirk. 

 

"Not when it's you." Lexa replies and so Clarke gives her five minutes because  _ why the hell not?  _

 

_ // _

  
  


Lexa was pulling her pants on first as Clarke watched her. She had almost forgotten that the brunette even had a tattoo on her back before she was reminded of its beauty by the sun that hit it and highlighted the black ink on her skin. Clarke can't help but reach out and touch it and Lexa says nothing but continues to get dressed. Clarke retracts her hand when Lexa pulls her shirt over her head. 

 

She stands up and grabs her leather jacket and then looks at Clarke who was still watching her. They just look at each other for the longest of movements, trying to remember what they had felt in that moment of being with each other, then Lexa leans down and kisses Clarke on the lips one final time. This was the perfect way to say goodbye. 

 

Lexa smiles and tucks a blonde curl behind Clarke's ear affectionately and both of the girls’ eyes were full of love, not want, or lust, but love. "May we meet again?" Lexa asks and Clarke smiles sadly because this really was goodbye for who knew how long. Lexa kisses her one last time on the forehead and heads towards the bedroom door. She looks at Clarke one last time over her shoulder before she exits. 

 

Clarke collapses back on her bed and closes her eyes. She hadn't replied to Lexa when she'd said may we meet again but her mind had whispered ‘ _ we will _ ’. And who knew, maybe one day they would.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they will.
> 
> If you've watched the finale you can check out this little writing I posted to my Tumblr:
> 
> http://sparia-slays.tumblr.com/post/144698409310/i-will-always-be-with-you-and-also-i-love-you
> 
> It's kind of a rewrite of the Clexa goodbye because it was pretty shitty what they gave us.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts!


	26. The Doctor and The Detective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Detective." She replies closing a chart and handing it to the nurse. She stuffs her hands in her pockets and looks up to meet Lexa's eyes. "Do you normally spend a lot of time in the hospital?" She asks and Lexa laughs. 
> 
> "More than you might think." Lexa answers leaning against the counter more. "Plus there happens to be a cute doctor here so the company isn't half bad." Lexa teases and Clarke rolls her eyes. 
> 
> "Are you flirting with me, detective?" Clarke asks. 
> 
> "That depends, doctor." Lexa says and she was still giving Clarke that damn smirk. 
> 
> Or Clarke and Lexa meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long but I'm entering my final 2 weeks of exams in a few days and then I'll be free from school! So I hope you enjoy this chapter as it may be a slow update for the next one but don't worry I definitely will update. Thank you for reading and leaving comments they mean the world to me.

**6 Years Later...**

 

Lexa had her hand pressed to her side to apply pressure to the wound that was open there. She could see Bellamy in the gurney in front of her and she felt like an idiot being wheeled through the hospital. Bellamy was her partner, a partnership that had taken many months for Lexa to accept. At first, when she had seen Bellamy at the academy she'd kept her distance, not particularly fond of the shaggy haired boy, but apparently their chief had a better idea.

 

They'd been paired up from day one, much to Lexa's annoyance, Bellamy was annoying in all aspects of his personality but he grew on her. Lexa figured it probably had something to do with the fact that they were alike in many ways which, if anyone pointed out, Lexa would quickly deny but it was true. As they grew closer Lexa learnt that Bellamy had dropped out of university, after he decided that he no longer wanted to major in business but rather he wanted to do something that mattered, Lexa had called him crazy because he'd been so close to graduating just to throw it all away but he insisted it was the best decision he's ever made.

 

Now Bellamy was probably in the top people that Lexa trusted with her life - along with Anya and Raven - which was a little scary. He was her partner, and they followed each other into life or death situations practically everyday. and she trusted the older boy to have her back.

 

Which was why, when Lexa had taken off to chase down a suspect Bellamy had followed her without hesitation. The thing that Lexa failed to see was that the criminal had a gun, he'd fired once and the bullet had grazed her side opening it but no permanent damage had been done, that much Lexa knew, maybe a few stitches would be needed. The older Blake had gotten into a hand to hand combat with the criminal and he'd sustained only minor injuries and yet the hospital staff insisted upon wheeling them in even though they could stand perfectly fine.

 

"Dr Griffin." Lexa says and the doctor beside her looks at her curiously. "I want my doctor, Dr Griffin." Lexa clarifies and the doctor nods. Abby Griffin was still Lexa's doctor and, although they had been at odds for quite sometime, Abby was still the person Lexa trusted the most to treat her.

 

They end up in one of the emergency rooms and the doctor, who had been beside her, draws the curtain. "Can someone page Dr Griffin please?" She asks and one of the nurses disappear.

 

"I'm fine to wait." Lexa says shooing the woman's hands away from her. "Go check on my partner and make sure he's still breathing will you?" Lexa says with a charming smile and the doctor smiles back.

 

"I think he's in better shape than you detective." She teases back. Lexa wasn't crazy, she knew this was flirting. Truth was, she never did have a solid relationship with anyone ‘A.C’ or ‘After Clarke’ her romantic life never lasted more than a couple of months and she'd had multiple flings every now and again but nothing substantial. Doing what she did Lexa had little spare time, it was a lonely job, the only consent she had was Raven, who had been her long time roommate for quite sometime, and that was all the company she needed.

 

"Where's Dr Griffin?" Lexa asks groaning. As if on cue the curtain is pulled back and Lexa's head snaps up to see who was entering. Her breath hitches immediately when her green eyes meet those blue orbs that Lexa's heart yearned for. Lexa decided then and there that there was no other shade of blue than that of Clarke Griffin’s eyes, nothing even came close, her hair was still golden and blonde and she looked even better then when they had been teenagers.

 

A thick silence falls on them as Clarke stares in disbelief at the girl on the gurney cradling her injury to her side. "Not the Dr Griffin I meant." Lexa breathes with a slight chuckle. The surrounding doctors fall silent, feeling the tension in the air between the two, and they all make themselves scarce leaving Dr Griffin to attend to Lexa. Clarke shakes her head and steps further in closing the curtain again to make sure Lexa had the privacy she needed. She walks towards Lexa and stares at her.

 

"So it's to my knowledge that you've sustained a gunshot wound?" Clarke says staring at the blood seeping through Lexa's shirt.

 

"Just a graze." Lexa says almost defensively. She could see the judgment reflected in Clarke's eyes and Lexa wondered if the blonde had noticed her badge yet - her guess was no since Clarke looked pissed. "Tends to happen with what I do." Lexa replies with a shrug. Clarke rolls her eyes and gestures for Lexa to lift her shirt so she could see the wound. Her eyes lock onto the badge attached to Lexa's belt and her eyes almost bulge out of her head.

 

"You're a detective?" Clarke asks with surprise - she obviously hadn't been expecting that.

 

"For about a year now." Lexa says. "You may have met my partner, Bellamy Blake?"

 

"He never told me you were his partner." Clarke frowns touching her fingers tenderly to Lexa's side. The brunette jumps and winces from the pain she feels shoot through her.

 

"He never told me you were a cute doctor either." Lexa comments. Of course Lexa had known Clarke was a doctor, she just didn't know that she'd gotten back to town - she obviously hadn't been in town for very long. Clarke shakes her head but a small, amused, smile appears on her lips.

 

"You'll need a few stitches, maybe some pain meds if that's okay?" Clarke looks up and Lexa rolls her eyes.

 

"Clarke, it's been six years, I don't struggle with that anymore." Lexa says. "I'm an officer of the law, serve and protect, and that includes myself."

 

"Okay, and I'll probably bandage it to prevent any infection that may occur." Clarke explains. Lexa smiles at her softly. Lexa had to admit that doctors had never really been attractive to her but, then again, she'd never seen Clarke in scrubs and a white jacket - maybe she just hadn't seen the _right_ doctors. Lexa nods and Clarke turns around to retrieve a suturing kit.

 

"So you're the idiot that got Bellamy hurt?" Clarke asks opening the kit and gesturing for Lexa to lift her shirt back up. Lexa does as she's told and she clamps her mouth together to keep from letting out a whimper when Clarke puts her gloved hand to the wound - for such a small wound it stung like a bitch.

 

"Bellamy knew what he was doing, I trusted him to have my back." Lexa replies with a strained tone. Clarke looks up at her for a second before readying her needle.

 

"This is going to hurt." Clarke says. "I could give you something to numb the pain?"

 

"I went through torture at the age of seventeen Clarke, I think I can handle a needle." Lexa says and Clarke rolls her eyes but sets to work nevertheless. She carefully threads the needle through, ignoring Lexa's smooth abs that we're practically right next to her face, and concentrates on what was important: fixing Lexa. "So how long have you been back in town?" Lexa asks curiously.

 

"A couple of days, my mom got me a job here and it's got one of the best medical facilities in the country so I couldn't say no." Clarke answers.

 

"Because you'd _want_ to say no." Lexa mutters and Clarke's movements falter for a moment.

 

"There are certain things I'd been hoping to avoid."

 

"You mean me." Lexa says grunting when Clarke resumes her stitching.

 

"Why would I want to avoid you?" Clarke asks and Lexa found the fact that she had her tongue hanging out of her mouth slightly in concentration adorable.

 

"When you let saw me I was a struggling addict, a member of Trikru who betrayed you, I wouldn't say that was something you'd willing want to see." Lexa says with a shrug.

 

"Hold still." Clarke scolds with a frown. "Actually, the last time I saw you we, well, we- _you know_." Clarke says blushing slightly and Lexa has to stifle her laugh because Clarke was still so reserved when it came to sex - at least she was when it was between Lexa and herself.

 

"How could I forget?" Lexa asks in a teasing tone. "The night of three times- _ow_!" Lexa jumps and she frowns down at the doctor who just gives her a smile. "You did that on purpose." Lexa accuses and Clarke just rolls her eyes bandaging the now stitched up wound.

 

"Sure I did." Clarke says. She could see that Lexa was just as difficult a patient as she had been in her early years - or earlier years since the brunette wasn't exactly old.

 

"Son of a-" Lexa goes to curse before being cut off by Clarke.

 

" _Language_." Clarke says sternly and Lexa scoffs.

 

"I was going to say son of a raccoon." Lexa says and Clarke gives her a look.

 

"Oh really?" Clarke asks doubtfully. "You're all stitched up Miss Woods, these pills should help with the pain." Clarke hands her a bottle of prescription meds and Lexa takes two pills right away wanting the pain to subside as quickly as possible so she could get back to doing her job - that criminal had gotten away and she'd rather not have him running around the streets.

 

"So it's Miss Woods now?" Lexa asks standing up. "You could at least call me Detective Woods Dr Griffin." Clarke scoffs at her and Lexa smirks.

 

"I see your arrogance hasn't suffered over the years." Clarke comments and Lexa nods her head pulling the curtain back and heading towards the nurses station. Lexa tosses her badge down on the hospital desk and the woman behind it hands her papers almost automatically as though this was a regular occurrence - which it might just be but Clarke hadn't been back in town for very long so who knew?

 

The detective begins filling in the forms adjusting the holster on her hip so that her gun fitted better to her side. "Something I can help you with Dr Griffin?" Lexa asks looking up and smirking at the doctor.

 

"You..." Clarke tails off lost for words. "You look better." Clarke settles for and Lexa turns her head to the side with an amused smile on her lips.

 

"It's been six years Clarke, people change." Lexa says pushing the papers towards the nurse. She picks her badge up and clips it onto her waist again and Clarke stares at her. "People grow, they heal." Lexa says with a shrug and she cringes from the pain she feels in her side from the gesture and Clarke frowns.

 

"I know, I just never thought you'd be a..." Clarke gestures up and down Lexa and the brunette laughs.

 

"Neither did I." Lexa admits. "I'm different now." Lexa says matter-of-factly. She pulls something out of her pocket and throws it at Clarke who catches it. She looks down to see a small metal chip that had '6 years' inscribed on it along with other small designs. "Raven still gives me one every year." Lexa says fondly. "She never stopped, in fact, she's the reason I never went back."

 

"You're roommates with Raven right?" Clarke asks, she already knew the answer was yes, and she was bothered a little bit by it if she was completely honest, but she wanted to make sure her facts were right.

 

"Yeah, we've been living together ever since college, well, college for Raven, the academy for me." Lexa explains. Clarke runs her thumb over the coin's surface and looks up to meet Lexa's green eyes. Clarke couldn't deny that Lexa looked good, a part of her was a little pissed that she was doing so well, but mostly she was happy for the brunette - she'd come a long way and she deserved to be happy.

 

Clarke reaches her hand out and Lexa takes the coin her hand brushing over Clarke's skin. Clarke feels a shudder down her spine and, even after six years, Lexa still had that effect on her and that spark. Lexa raises her eyebrows, as though she felt something too, but she simply slips the coin safely back into her pocket and schools her expression into a neutral one.

 

Bellamy comes out to find the pair staring at each other and he rolls his eyes - he should've known they'd be there looking at each other like they were still in love. "Woods, we gotta get back to dispatch." Bellamy says interrupting their moment. Lexa turns to look at her partner and sighs.

 

"Yeah yeah Blake, I was waiting for you." Lexa says frowning at him in disapproval. Bellamy sticks his tongue out at Lexa who just rolls her eyes at his immature behaviour. Clarke, on the other hand, laughs and Bellamy gives Lexa a smug smirk. "Hurry your ass up Blake. I'll be waiting outside." Lexa grumbles walking away and towards the exit. Bellamy watches her go for a second before stepping in front of Clarke.

 

"It's good to finally see you." Bellamy says wrapping her in a quick hug.

 

"You too." Clarke admits. "I heard you have a new boyfriend?" Clarke pokes at his chest and Bellamy chuckles. "How'd he manage to get player Blake to settle?" Clarke questions.

 

"First of all, I'm not that big of a player Clarke, just because I'm bisexual doesn't mean I like to sleep around a lot-"

 

"I'm literally bisexual myself." Clarke points out but Bellamy ignores her.

 

"Second of all, Murphy has a certain charm to him."

 

"Wait. Murphy? John Murphy? You're kidding!" Clarke asks in shock and Bellamy laughs.

 

"He's not as bad as everyone makes him out to be. He's changed a lot." Bellamy protests.

 

"Like Lexa." Clarke mutters and Bellamy raises an eyebrow.

 

"She's single you know?" Bellamy nudges Clarke's shoulder. "I guess she never got over you."

 

"She's the past Bell, I came here for a fresh start." Clarke reminds him and Bellamy adjusts his badge on his belt.

 

"Lexa could _be_ your fresh start." Bellamy says. "I'm just saying Clarke, she's not like she used to be, she's really changed, I mean, she's a damn detective, how much more righteous do you want?" He asks with a smirk and Clarke shakes her head.

 

"I don't know."

 

"Wait, are _you_ single?" Bellamy asks. Clarke bites her lip for a second and Bellamy cocks his head to the side and raises his eyebrows.

 

"Technically..." Clarke says a little ambiguously. "I'm not in a relationship."

 

"So it's casual?" He asks.

 

"I'm not looking for a relationship." Clarke brushes off. "Lexa could never do casual anyway."

 

"Clarke, she's like the definition of casual." Bellamy says. "I think if she gets to touch you in anyway she'd be down for it." He shrugs and Clarke shudders from the thought - that would be taking advantage of Lexa's feelings something Clarke did not want to do.

 

"Blake will you hurry the fuck up, _seriously_ , before I kick your ass!" Lexa yells. Clarke and Bellamy look towards her and she glares and points at Bellamy to emphasises her point before disappearing outside and into the dark night.

 

"Still got that temper I see." Clarke comments with a fond chuckle.

 

"It helps with good cop bad cop." He replies with a wink. "I've got to go, I'll talk to you later princess." Clarke lifts her hand up.

 

"Bi five?" She asks with a playful smile and Bellamy chuckles, but slaps his hand against Clarke's raised one anyway, before jogging after his impatient partner.

 

**//**

 

Bellamy and Lexa were having a break, a request mostly from Bellamy's side. He claimed that Lexa should give her meds some time to kick in so he'd driven them to their local bar - after going to dispatch - which Anya owned and where Raven was hanging out. That's how Lexa ended up sulking in a bar with a glass of water, since she was on duty, with Bellamy on her right and Raven on her left. "She could've at least gotten _less_ attractive." Lexa complains and Raven laughs. "If you say _anything_ I will hurt you." Lexa points her finger accusingly at Bellamy who holds his hands up in surrender with his big goofy grin.

 

"Seriously Bell, I wouldn't say anything, Lex here can kill you and make it looks like an accident." Raven chimes sipping her beer. Lexa rolls her eyes and Bellamy drops his hands. Bellamy chuckles and starts playing on his phone - Lexa just hoped he wasn't texting Clarke.

 

Raven had stayed in contact with Clarke but, Lexa, Lexa had fallen completely out of touch with the blonde. That space that Clarke had wanted had been given to her in leaps and bounds, Lexa was busy in the academy, fighting her addiction and dealing with the things she'd done, as harsh as it sounded, Lexa didn't have time for anyone who wasn't in the same place as her.

 

That didn't mean that Lexa had forgotten or stopped thinking about Clarke - especially when her roommate was best friends with her. Raven was a good friend about it all though: she never spoke about Clarke unless Lexa explicitly asked and she never talked to Clarke about Lexa unless she asked. Clarke was out of Arkadia more than she was ever in but she made a point to stay in contact with all her friends - _excluding_ Lexa. Lexa had worked her ass off to get to where she was, she was one of the youngest detectives in Arkadia, and she was proud of herself, but Clarke had always been the one that got away.

 

Another achievement that Lexa had under her belt was disbanding Trikru - well, kind of. Indra had turned the former gang into a legitimate company, forming Trikru Industries, and Anya had traded in her gang stripes to become a bar owner. It had taken all of Lexa's persuasion to convince them that Trikru needed to end, there was too much loss, too much heartbreak, and when Indra had turned around and made it into something good Lexa knew her mother would be proud of her.

 

And then there was Lincoln, Lexa's favourite cousin, they'd grown closer even after Lexa had moved out and stayed with Monty and Miller. Lexa had encouraged Lincoln to follow his dream of becoming a doctor, and he had done just that, now he was a cardiac surgeon at Arkadia's hospital and Lexa couldn't be happier for the big guy. Monty and Miller were Lexa's adoptive parents, she stayed with them the whole of senior year, and during the holidays from the academy, until Raven had suggested they get a place together. She still regularly saw them  and she even saw Miller at work.

 

Raven had been that constant in Lexa's life that Lexa had always hoped she would be. The brunette had gotten her mechanic degree, or whatever, and then opened her own successful shop in town. Lexa didn't know about Octavia, other than what Bellamy told her, but, apparently, she was a paramedic at Arkadia's hospita -l Lexa hadn't really kept up with the younger Blake if she was completely honest.

 

Azgeda were still operating but Lexa had told Roan that if he dared expand into Trikru territory, even if Trikru no longer existed, she would do everything in her power to drag his ass down. Lexa was still looking for Echo, the person who had tortured her, but she hadn't heard about her in years. Everything was good, everything was calm, and then enters Clarke and tips Lexa's world upside down.

 

"Hey," Raven says quietly nudging Lexa. "are you okay?"

 

"I'm fine." Lexa replies and Raven gives her a look. " _I'm fine,_ Raven." Lexa repeats. Raven looks like she's about to argue when Anya comes over and plops herself onto Raven's knee distracting her.

 

"Hey babe." Raven greets happily and the pair kiss. Lexa makes a gagging noise and Bellamy shields his eyes and groans. Anya and Raven were still solid after six years and Lexa was wondering when the wedding would be, _seriously_ , those two were grossly in love which meant that Anya pretty much lived with Lexa too.

 

"Lex." Bellamy says handing her his phone. Lexa observes the information on the screen for a moment before tossing it back at him and he fumbles to catch it. He glares at Lexa for her obvious disregard for expensive electronics but she doesn't pay him any attention and she's on her feet instantly.

 

"We gotta go, someone just IDed our suspect… who’s also the man who almost shot me." Lexa says and Raven watches her stand.

 

"Alright, I'll see you back at home." Raven says flashing her her classic grin - that hadn't changed either Raven still had her five year old energy. "Whiskey on the rocks when you get home?" Raven asks and Lexa chuckles.

 

"Please." She replies grabbing Bellamy by the back of his collar.

 

"Alright I'm coming." He complains as she practically drags him up from his seat. "I'm only one man Lexa, be gentle with me." Lexa rolls her eyes and releases him and he straightens up so he can walk beside Lexa rather than be dragged by her. "Why do I continue to be your partner when you abuse me like this?" Bellamy asks, obviously joking, and Lexa glances at him.

 

"Shut up, you love me jerk face." Lexa retorts and he laughs brushing his long hair out of his eyes.

 

"I do... _unfortunately_." He replies and Lexa grins at him. "I've got your back." He says seriously this time and Lexa nods her head.

 

"And I've got your's." She reassures and together they get in their car and head towards the location that their suspect had been spotted in.

 

**//**

 

Clarke flashes her light - that she kept in her front pocket - into the eyes of her newest patient. He was only five years old and had been brought into the emergency room after a hard fall. "Okay Jacob, if you could just follow the light for me bud." Clarke says and he follows her instructions. "Good boy, you're doing great." She praises clinking her torch and sticking it back in her pocket. The mother was standing by his bedside biting her nails in worry.

 

"Okay," Clarke says standing upright. She grabs his chart from the bottom of the bed and begins writing in it. "his pupils are responsive, a little nausea, which is completely normal, but I'd like to refer him for a CT scan to make sure his head is okay." Clarke smiles politely at the mother who breathes a sigh of relief. "I think we're looking at a concussion here bud which means you get to stay up really late and I will have one of my interns do a twenty four hour observation on you to make sure everything is in tip top shape. Does that sound good to you?" She asks and the kid nods his head. "What did we learn here today?" Clarke asks.

 

"I should tie my laces." He murmurs nervously and Clarke laughs softly.

 

"Sure, you could do that, or maybe get velcro? I hear it's all the range now, very cool." She winks at him and he giggles. "Here," She reaches into her pocket and hands him a lollipop. "don't tell anyone or they'll all want one." She says lightly standing back up. He nods his head furiously and begins opening the lollipop.

 

"Thank you Dr Griffin." The mother says gratefully and Clarke smiles brightly at her.

 

"It's my job." She replies dismissively before walking away. She hands the chart to the nurse behind the desk. "Could you order a head CT for the boy in 237 and then page an intern to stay with him for a twenty four hour shift?" She asks and the nurse nods and mutters a ‘yes Dr Griffin’ before standing up to go do exactly that.

 

Clarke was _dying._ She'd almost finished her forty eight hour shift and in that same time she had seen her ex which had practically thrown her life into turmoil - maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration but it was certainly a shock and Clarke wasn't sure if it was a good one or a bad one. Lexa looked good, _really good_ , she seemed to have her life together, she seemed happy - well, as happy as someone can be when they've been shot at that is. "Good work Dr Griffin." Clarke jumps when she hears a voice from behind her and she turns to face who it was.

 

"Wells, you scared me." Clarke comments. "And it's my job, I'm a trauma surgeon." She reminds him and he chuckles.

 

"Someone needs caffeine." He says extending his hand that was holding a steaming coffee in it.

 

"Thanks but no thanks, my shift is almost over, if I need a few extra hours I'll find an on call room." She replies.

 

"Okay... did I do something wrong?" He asks with a frown and Clarke gives him a look.

 

"Please not this again. Wells I love you," She sees the hopeful gaze cross his features and she realises she has to quickly fix that mistake. "as a friend, we’re good friends, we used to be best friends, and the sex is great, really, but if it's too complicated then-"

 

"No, no, not at all." He rushes and Clarke sighs. She really couldn't let that go on for any longer, it just wasn't fair on Wells, he had feelings and Clarke didn't - it was all going to get really messy if she didn't stop it soon. "No strings attached, I remember." He assures and Clarke doesn't bother to mention the fact that he clearly doesn't remember.

 

"We should stop." Clarke says anyway and he frowns.

 

"Is this about Lexa?" He asks and Clarke lets out a frustrated sigh - she was way too tired to deal with this right now.

 

"No, god, you sound like a crazy jealous boyfriend Wells. Seriously, you're my friend, I think we should stop now and just try to salvage the relationship-"

 

"Relationship?" He interrupts.

 

"The _friendship_ ," Clarke corrects. "that we already have." She finishes.

 

"Fine." He says placing the coffee on the desk in front of Clarke. "Whatever you want, but you deserve better than Detective Woods, she may not be a gang member anymore Clarke, but her job is still dangerous and I'd rather not have you getting hurt." He says before storming off and Clarke rubs her face. She was just so tired. Maybe she could score a few hours of sleep before the end of her shift.

 

"You treated Lexa?" _Of course. Why not? Why wouldn't her mother come and talk to her?_ Clarke looks up from her hands and lets out a huff of annoyance.

 

"Yes mom, I treated her, it's no big deal, I'm a trauma surgeon, it's what I do." Clarke explains, _on second thought,_ maybe that coffee would do her some good. She picks it up and closes her eyes in satisfaction when she feels the warm liquid touch her lips. Black, two sugars, just the way she liked it.

 

"They know I'm her doctor, they should have paged me, _I_ should have treated her." Abby fumes.

 

"No offence mom but you're the chief of cardio," She reminds her. "you're not trauma. So when Lexa asked for Dr Griffin it made sense that they got me." Clarke shrugs and Abby sighs realising Clarke was right.

 

"So how is she?" Abby asks watching as Clarke drinks her coffee.

 

"Good, I think, she's a detective." Clarke says. "I didn't know that."

 

"You didn't ask." Abby points out and Clarke keeps her mouth shut.

 

"I knew she was interested in the academy and how come Bellamy never told me she was his partner?" She asks and Abby laughs.

 

" _Again_ , you never asked." Abby informs her. "It became kind of an unspoken rule to never bring Lexa up around you unless you asked and you never really did." Abby shrugs and Clarke had to agree with her on that - she only had herself to blame for not knowing about Lexa. Med school had been hard, her internship even harder, and she was finally in her last year of residency, Clarke was one of the best trauma surgeons in the country. Octavia had followed her to med school the following year and she'd become a paramedic. They grew close and Octavia had always been there for her through everything.

 

Abby still had the same job, and lived the same life, she even stayed in their old house, her mother had also been incredibly supportive and Clarke couldn't have asked for a better mother. Abby's pager goes off and she curses under her breath. "I have to go." She says leaning forward and pecking Clarke gently on the forehead. "I'll see you later." She says rushing off and Clarke can only nod her head.

 

Things were pretty good for Clarke. She was officially a trauma surgeon but her second favoured speciality had always been neurology, the brain was fickle thing, it's always been an interest of her's, but trauma? Now that was where the real thrill was. All kinds came under trauma: cardio, neuro, plastics, literally everything, and usually you're the first doctor patients see when they walk through those doors. It's a rush, a thrill, and Clarke wouldn't trade helping save people's lives for anything. Clarke loved her job but she just couldn't stop thinking about a certain brunette with beautiful green eyes.

 

**//**

Lexa was crouched behind a dumpster, quite the throwback to her earlier days of hiding behind dumpsters, only this time Bellamy was beside her and the alleyway was empty. Their suspect had entered the building and they had good reason to believe he would exit through the back door. "Are you sure you don't want to wait for backup?" Bellamy hisses and Lexa taps him on the head.

 

"You're the only backup I need." Lexa replies and Bellamy gives her a look.

 

"You said that last time and you nearly got shot." He points out with a glare and Lexa returns the glare.

 

"Shut up." She mutters. "Go get in position." She orders and Bellamy reluctantly gets up and takes off down the alleyway. Lexa waits patiently, pulling her gun from her holster, as she waited for the guy to exit. The person they were tracking was wanted for suspected homicide, apparently, he was drug dealer - Lexa tried to not see the irony in her job but there it was - and apparently he had supplied bad drugs to people and he'd gotten a bunch killed because of it.

 

Lexa's job was to find out who the guy was and then bring them to justice so that's exactly what she had done. And now she was here: behind a dumpster. Lexa hears a door open and light floods the dark alleyway for a moment before it closes. Lexa peers round the corner to see the guy walking away from her position. She sticks her hand out and makes a gesture and if Bellamy was in position he should see it. She exits from her position at the same time that Bellamy pops out from behind the building at the end of the alleyway with his gun held up at the guy. " _Freeze_!" He yells and the guy halts completely. "Get on your knees and put your hands behind your head." Bellamy orders calmly.

 

"Whoa, man, you got the wrong guy." He says reaching behind his back.

 

"I said, get on your knees!" Bellamy yells more forcefully than before. Lexa sees what he's reaching for: a gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans.

 

" _Drop it_!" Lexa yells startling the guy. "You're surrounded." She says raising her eyebrows. The guy looked like a trapped animal, he was desperate and had nothing to lose - a dangerous combination. He grabs the gun from his waistband and Lexa pulls her trigger aiming for his leg. The guy falls to the ground instantly, with a loud pained yell, and he drops his gun as he does so. Lexa rushes forward and kicks the gun away while Bellamy handcuffs him and reads him his rights. He hoists him up and searches his jacket pockets stopping when he pulls out a packet.

 

"These the drugs you been selling?" Bellamy asks.

 

"I ain't seen that shit before man." He spits on the ground and Lexa takes the package from Bellamy. It was clearly drugs, obviously, but that whole ‘anything you do say may be given in evidence’ actually meant something.

 

"We have to take him to the hospital." Bellamy says quietly into Lexa's ear. She looks down at his bleeding leg and then back up at his face. The good news: he wasn't Azgeda. The bad news: he’d sold more of those bad drugs before they could stop him and now some poor soul was going to pay the price.

 

"Great, another trip to the hospital." Lexa says sarcastically and Bellamy gives her a sympathetic look. She shakes her head and gives him a look to reassure him before he grabs the guy by the back of his neck and drags him towards their car. She follows closely behind him and sets the package safely in the front while she got in the driver's side and Bellamy in the passenger once he had put their suspect in the back.

 

**//**

 

The drive to the hospital was quick and technically their shift was over so Lexa would very much like to get this guy fixed and then say hello to her bed for the night. Bellamy enters, gripping the guy tightly as he shook to get Bellamy off of him, one thing Lexa was thankful for: Bellamy was strong - it came in handy when having to control people like their recent perp. "You take him where he needs to be and I'll fill in the paper work." Lexa says and Bellamy winks at her.

 

"Yes sir." He says and Lexa shakes her head in amusement. The nurse behind the counter hands Leda the correct forms and she begins filling them out ignoring Bellamy as he greeted some guy named Wells and dragged the doctor away to fix their suspect.

 

"Long night detective?" The nurse, Rebecca, asks. Lexa looks up and gives her a smile.

 

"You have no idea." She replies and Rebecca returns the smile before Lexa hands her the papers. That's when Lexa notices her and she smirks to herself. "Dr Griffin." Lexa mutters spying the blonde as she steps behind the nurses station. Lexa was smirking, she looked awfully smug, and Clarke just wanted to wipe that look off of the brunette's face. She was still so cocky which was annoying and infuriating - especially since it had been one of Clarke's favourite things about Lexa.

 

"Detective." She replies closing a chart and handing it to the nurse. She stuffs her hands in her pockets and looks up to meet Lexa's eyes. "Do you normally spend a lot of time in the hospital?" She asks and Lexa laughs.

 

"More than you might think." Lexa answers leaning against the counter more. "Plus there happens to be a cute doctor here so the company isn't half bad." Lexa teases and Clarke rolls her eyes.

 

"Are you flirting with me, _detective_?" Clarke asks.

 

"That depends, _doctor_." Lexa says and she was still giving Clarke that damn smirk. Clarke shakes her head but ignores Lexa's obvious flirting despite the fluttering it gave her in her stomach - even after six years Lexa still gave her butterflies. Lexa was about to say something else when there was a commotion near the front doors.

 

" _Hey_!" A woman yells. "That man just stole my purse!" Lexa steps back from the desk and winks at Clarke.

 

"Duty calls." Lexa says before she's sprinting out of the doors. Clarke watches after her for a moment before turning to the nurse with a smile on her face. Despite her protests, Lexa was still charming. Lexa was still _Lexa_.

 

"Do I have anymore patients?" Clarke asks.

 

Meanwhile, outside the hospital, Lexa easily catches up with the criminal - she was fast, light and fit so she didn't have much problem there. She leaps forward and tackles the guy to the ground. Simple and easy. That was until the guy decided he wanted to put up a fight - apparently he hadn't gotten the memo about the easy part - and, to make matters worse, Lexa was pretty sure she'd torn some of her stitches from tackling the criminal. He swings at her a couple of times and Lexa manages to avoid them.

 

She's on her feet soon after and the guy comes at her again landing a hit right on her eye. "Ow." Lexa comments bringing her hand up to her eye. "That hurt." She says. The guy comes back towards her again and Lexa just rolls her eyes, which stung the one that had been hit, and she uncaps her pepper spray and hits him right in the face. He falls to the ground instantly, squealing, and Lexa just shakes her head. She grabs a pair of handcuffs, that she always carried around with her, and kicks the guy onto his stomach. She then proceeds to handcuff him. "Sorry bud, but you know what they say," She mutters pulling him up from the ground. "an eye for an eye and all that." She pats him on the shoulder and begins calling dispatch for a patrol car to come pick him up which doesn't take long.

 

She grabs the woman's purse from the ground and jogs back to the hospital. "Here you go ma'am." Lexa says handing her purse back. The woman sighs in relief and hugs Lexa surprising her slightly.

 

"Thank you so much." The woman gushes and Lexa can do little but accept the hug. Lexa wasn't one for hugs, she never really had been one for any kind of physical contact, but as a cop it kind of came with the territory - people used hugs to thank you for everything and Lexa meant _everything_. The woman gives her another, over the top, thank you before she's rushing out of the hospital.

 

Lexa sighs and someone behind her chuckles causing her to spin around. Clarke frowns instantly the second she sees Lexa's already bruising eye and she steps forward to examine it. She pulls the little flashlight from her front jacket pocket and shines it into Lexa's eyes and the young detective goes momentarily cross eyed from the action. "Um, Clarke?" Lexa asks unsure of what she was doing.

 

"Dr Griffin." She corrects and Lexa blinks once she turns the light off. "You got hit." She points out and Lexa nods.

 

"Right in my moneymaker too." Lexa complains and Clarke rolls her eyes - _did she mention Lexa was full of herself too?_ Although Clarke had to admit that Lexa's face kind of was her favourite thing about her - and her eyes were kind of beautiful too.

 

"You should put ice on it to reduce the swelling, it's a little red, totally normal, but your pupils are responsive so no permanent damage has been done." Clarke explains and Lexa grins.

 

"God, talk doctor to me again." Lexa teases and Clarke shoves her playfully to which the brunette almost loses her balance which kind of puts a dent in her good girl, bad girl, vibe she had going. Clarke has to bite her lip to keep from laughing and the brunette scowls at her. "So listen," Lexa begins and she pulls up her shirt a little. "should I be bleeding from here?" Lexa asks and Clarke's eyes widen.

 

"You're an idiot." Clarke breathes grabbing her by her arm.

 

"You're a little handys there Dr Griffin." Lexa comments feeling Clarke’s tight grip on her arm - _surely Clarke didn't grip her other patients like this?_

 

"You've torn your stitches. I have to take them out and then redo them so excuse me for being a little pissed." Clarke says leading Lexa into an examination room. She closes the door and pushes Lexa down onto the bed. Lexa doesn't say anything as the blonde cuts her bandage off, that was stained with fresh blood, and she proceeds to take the stitches out without a word.

 

"Sorry." Lexa says and Clarke glances up at her.

 

"I can't exactly be mad at you." Clarke relents. "You did arrest a criminal and get that woman her purse back." Lexa smiles slightly and Clarke mirrors it.

 

"I am pretty good at my job." Lexa boasts and Clarke rolls her eyes. "But that's not why I was apologising." Lexa says more seriously and Clarke's movements pause for a moment. "It's been six years but we haven't talked, or text, or anything. I never got the chance to make it up to you like I vowed I would." Lexa says and Clarke grabs a new suturing kit ignoring Lexa's words. "I'm better now, I'd never do that shit that I pulled when I was a horny asshole teenager."

 

"You _were_ an asshole." Clarke comments and Lexa laughs then winces when she feels Clarke working again.

 

"Right." Lexa agrees. "Let me prove it to you, let me prove that I'm worth it." Clarke finishes her stitching and wraps new bandaging around the wound. She pulls the brunette's shirt back down and leans her head up to look at Lexa properly. Lexa had changed a lot and, truthfully, Clarke had forgiven her a long time ago - a part of her even thought she'd forgiven her that night that they had spent together - but trusting Lexa was a different story. She wanted to, she did, but the truth was that Clarke didn't really know Lexa anymore. She'd changed so how could she possibly know if Lexa was trustworthy now? How did she not know that Lexa hadn't become some fuckboy who said all the right things but betrayed her anyway? But then she's staring into Lexa's green eyes and all she can think about is six years ago and how in love she had been with her and Lexa's looking at her with such hope and those _damn_ green eyes have always been Clarke's weakness. _Always_.

 

So it's not very surprising to herself when she feels herself leaning in but, clearly, Lexa finds it very surprising because it takes her a moment to realise what's happening when the blonde's lips press against her own. It's all kinds of awkward to begin with until Lexa's brain kicks in and she's kissing Clarke back with passion. Her hands come up to rest on Clarke's hips, pulling the blonde closer to her and making the kiss harder and seemingly more desperate. Clarke nips at Lexa's bottom lip, enticing a small moan from the brunette, and Clarke's hands thread through Lexa's soft curls and Clarke lets out a satisfied sigh. The kiss was a little sloppy, with hot breath and hands wondering. Lexa licks Clarke's bottom lip and that's when the blonde snaps back to reality.

 

She jumps back from the kiss and Lexa lets out a groan of disapproval from the loss of contact. Her eyes flutter open and Clarke avoids eye contact knowing that if she looked into Lexa's eyes then she'd melt. Lexa clears her throat and stands up straightening out her jacket. "You'll need to come back in five to seven days for the stitches to be removed." Clarke says and Lexa nods.

 

"So are we...?" Lexa asks shrugging her shoulders and Clarke shakes her head.

 

"Let's just forget about the kiss." Clarke says. "I don't know what that was."

 

"Well I happen to be very fond of the kiss." Lexa says - that godforsaken smirk returning to her face. "It was a very good kiss." She says brushing past Clarke.

 

"You should take a break from work or you'll keep ripping your stitches." Clarke orders spinning around.

 

"Are you worried about me?" Lexa asks raising her eyebrows.

 

"I'm your doctor, you’re my patient, take some time off work and don't make me call your chief to make sure you're doing just that." Clarke retorts cleaning up the supplies she had used.

 

"Yes ma'am." Lexa mutters giving her a salute.

 

"And for the record," Clarke calls stopping Lexa from exiting. "you've always been worth it to me Lexa." Lexa smiles, not that stupid smirk she does but, her lopsided smile that Clarke had always loved.

 

"I'll see you later Dr Griffin." Lexa says as her final goodbye.

 

"Detective." Clarke responds, with a smirk of her own, and Lexa just shakes her head before slipping out the door and heading down the hospital hallways in search of her partner. She'd see Clarke in five to seven days... _at least._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long but I'm writing two fics at once while trying to revise for exams so it was a little slow. We've got Detective!Lexa and Doctor!Clarke and Lexa is a charmer with her shameless flirting but will she be able to get the girl? Let me know what you think and thanks for reading :)!


	27. Sleepless Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You want a drink?" Lexa asks. "It helps with the- with the not sleeping thing." Lexa passes by her, grabbing another glass on the way, before dropping down on the couch. Clarke follows her and sits down beside her making sure to put a little distance between them. 
> 
> "With the not sleeping thing?" Clarke raises her eyebrows and Lexa gives her a small smile while pouring her a drink. 
> 
> "I guess it's a thing." Lexa says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has been so long but I had my last week of exams last week and I practically did nothing but revise so I didn't have this written - that's why it took a while to post. My exams are over now, thank God, so I'm finally free. This week I've actually been researching stuff for a book I want to write so that's slowed me down a little. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think! Ps I know Clarke being a doctor this fast is a little unrealistic but lets just roll with it - it's an AU anyway.

Lexa had been trying to keep herself busy - and trying not to look forward to getting her stitches taken out by the one and only ( _ not really _ ) Dr Griffin - but that was proving to be difficult - especially when Clarke had actually kept true to her word and called her chief to make sure that Lexa didn't go to work. It was frustrating. Lexa didn't have much to do other than stay in her apartment, go to Anya's bar, or just sit around doing nothing. It was a real wake up call telling Lexa that her life pretty much revolved around her work. It was sad when she thought about it too much and it made her feel a little lonely, especially since she was looking forward to stitches being pulled out of her body, but Lexa loved her job. 

 

Lexa found herself thinking about the kiss she had shared with Clarke more than she did anything else. Clarke wanted to forget about it but Lexa wasn't sure she could. Clarke was older now and the years had only been kind to her: she was more mature, obviously, her curves were more profound, and still captivating, her blonde hair was still as bright as ever, her blue eyes were a beautiful blend of the sky and the ocean and her smile still managed to make Lexa's day brighter - plus damn could she work a white coat and scrubs.  _ Seriously, who manages to look good in doctor clothes? Clarke Griffin that’s who. _ Lexa felt like a teenager again every time she looked at Clarke, she remembered everything, and her feelings came rushing back in nostalgia, awe and heartache, full force, she couldn't escape her feelings for Clarke and, even after all this time, she still carried that torch for the blonde. 

 

Lexa was sprawled out on her back, on the couch, her eyes closed as she thought about her teenage sweetheart. Truth be told, Lexa hadn't been getting much sleep but that was old news - Lexa rarely got much sleep anyway - only it had been worse the last couple of weeks. The apartment door opens and Lexa doesn't shift from her position to see who it was. Only when she feels something being thrown on her chest does she crack her eyes open -  _ reluctantly _ . It was Raven -  _ of course it was Raven _ \- she was giving Lexa a look and Lexa just rolls her eyes closing them once again. "It's lunch, eat." Raven instructs and Lexa realises that it was a sandwich that Raven had thrown at her. 

 

"I'm not hungry." Lexa replies and she hears Raven scoff. She hears the sound of a glass bottle scraping against the surface of one of the kitchen counters and then feels the bottle tap her foot. Lexa reluctantly sits up, so that Raven could sit on the couch, and the mechanic hands Lexa the bottle she had retrieved. 

 

"I thought you could use a little pick me up." Raven says with a grin and Lexa takes the bottle, unscrewing the cap, and takes a gulp. The liquid burns her throat, in the way that good whiskey does, and she takes a satisfied sigh at the taste and feeling. "Alright Woods, I didn't come all the way from my shop just to sit around watching you being all...  _ you _ ." Raven gestures up and down Lexa and Lexa raises an eyebrow in question. "Look, I heard you last night." Raven says looking directly at the brunette. Lexa sighs, she knew this conversation was going to come up at some point but she'd rather it not be right now when she was finally forgetting about it and not when she was finally getting some sleep. 

 

"I'm fine Raven." Lexa says dismissively and Raven shakes her head in disbelief. 

 

"It amazes me that you think you can just lie to me and I don't know it." Raven says a little irritated and Lexa did feel a little bad about lying. 

 

"Fine, I'm not okay, I'm just- it’s just that time of the year, you know?" Lexa asks. It gets worse at certain parts of the year, some months Lexa goes all shut down mode and Raven barely sees her as the young adult throws herself into her work in an attempt to cope - it was better than what she used to do but still not dealing with her issues. "I'll talk to Monty, or Miller, or something." Lexa shrugs. Raven sighs, knowing that was the best she was going to get out of the detective, Lexa liked to make excuses, and not actually do what she said she was going to do, but it was enough for Raven to know that Lexa wasn't getting herself into trouble. "Can I go back to sleep?" Lexa asks and Raven rolls her eyes taking the bottle of whiskey from the brunette before she drank the whole bottle. 

 

"No, you need to eat and then get dressed." Raven instructs and Lexa groans stretching out on the couch once again. Lexa seriously reminded Raven of a cat - or at least something extremely lazy - she was independent and the way she curled up and stretched out was so cat like that Raven was certain her spirit animal was a feline. "Did you forget that you told me to make that appointment with Dr Griffin?" Raven asks with a smirk. Lexa sits up straight immediately and looks at Raven with wide eyes. "Five to seven days right? It's been six, I made the appointment for today, at one, which is in less than an hour." Lexa curses jumping up from her position on the couch and running into the bathroom - she needed to shower and everything. Raven really could've told her when the appointment was, then again, Lexa had just assumed she'd make it for the seven days later one, she should've known, normally the mechanic writes a note or something. 

 

Lexa showers in record breaking time. Running out of the bathroom she throws open her bedroom door and begins sifting through clothes before remembering she left her favourite button down in the bathroom. She runs back towards the bathroom and she feels her feet slip out from underneath her before she feels her heart stopping in her chest and her back hitting the ground with an audible thud. "Son of a-  _ Fuck _ ." Lexa swears while closing her eyes in a grimace.  _ That fucking hurt _ . It was lucky Lexa's body seemed to be impervious to injury, unless super serious, because she recovers from the falling incident with minimal grace and grabs the button down she had come in for. Raven, who had been hanging around in the living room, lets out the loudest laugh at Lexa’s falling and Lexa grumbles, and flips her off, as she passes by her friend. 

 

She puts on her underwear, fastens the button down up, grabs her tightest fitting pants and then ties her wet curls up into a messy bun. She then quickly brushes her teeth, considering her breath now smelt of whiskey, and then takes two aspirin for the small throbbing she felt in her spine. She grabs her big boots, and pulls them on, then tucks her shirt into her tight trousers, grabbing a belt to tie it all together, along with her leather jacket, and then she's out the door with ten minutes until her appointment - it was a good thing Lexa lived five minutes away. 

 

She jogs down the street to the hospital with ease and checks in at the nurses station. She settles in one of the waiting room chairs and closes her eyes for a second - she really was tired.

 

**//**

When Clarke heard her  one o'clock appointment was here she almost didn't want to go, in fact, she put it off for as long as she could just so she wouldn't have to see the detective. Lexa had been on Clarke's mind ever since they'd kissed that one time, which had been completely unprofessional of herself, but she just couldn't resist Lexa and that's what she was worried about. She couldn't go down that rabbit hole, not again, not when it ended so badly last time, but Lexa was also persistent, and hard to just forget about, hell, it had been six years and Clarke still found herself thinking about the brunette. 

 

Clarke comes into the waiting room to call for Lexa when she sees the brunette reclined in one of the waiting room chairs, her eyes closed, as her chest rises and falls steady, she looked peaceful and Clarke couldn't help but smile at the scene. Her hands were in front of her, wrapped around her front and holding onto one another to keep them together, her shoulders were slumped, her head was to one side and she looked damn beautiful when sleeping - she always has. 

 

Clarke walks towards her and examines her for a few minutes, watching her sleep, before realising that was a little creepy. "Lexa." Clarke says it gently, trying to coax her out of her sleep softly, but, if she remembered rightly, Lexa was always a heavy sleeper. "Lexa." Clarke says it more firmly while shaking the brunette's shoulder. She leans back up and kicks the brunette's shoe with her own foot, it was gentle but Lexa still startled out of her sleep, her eyes widen in panic and-  _ was that fear? _ Clarke was surprised by the brunette's reaction, and frowns at her, examining her again but this time in a more medical way. "Are you having trouble sleeping?" She asks and Lexa sits upright with a small groan. 

 

"What? No, I get the required amount of sleep." Lexa says dismissively and Clarke didn't believe her, not even in the slightest, but she can tell that Lexa's not about to tell her anything like that - it seems more personal than medical and, even if there was something that Clarke could do professionally, she gets the feeling that Lexa's probably heard it all before. 

 

Lexa stands up, stretching out and groaning in pain. "I hurt my back." Lexa explains seeing Clarke's questioning gaze. "Slipped on some water in the bathroom, landed right on my back." 

 

"I can examine it if you'd like?" Clarke asks and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"You're okay Doc, just think I pulled a muscle or something." Lexa shrugs. Her muscles did feel tight but the waiting chairs, paired with sleep, paired with an injury to her back, didn't exactly all go together. 

 

"Right, well, this way detective." Clarke gestures for Lexa to follow and the brunette follows after her without further questions, stretching her back out and mumbling small curses. 

 

Clarke leads her to an examine room and orders Lexa to sit on one of the beds while she grabs some gloves and whatever else she needed to remove stitches. She sits down on a stool in front of Lexa and gestures for her to lift her shirt. Clarke touches the skin gently and Lexa tries to refrain from shuddering at the touch. "Skin looks good, no sign of infection," Clarke pauses grabbing some stile wipes. "any pain when I press down?" Clarke asks pressing on the stitches. Lexa shakes her head no and Clarke nods her head - clearly that was a good thing. 

 

Clarke cleans the stitches first, it was simple procedure and would prevent further infection, before she begins removing them, using tweezers and scissors, concentrating on taking every stitch out. Lexa just sits still, keeping her shirt up, while Clarke goes to work. Once all the stitches are removed Clarke cleans it one last time before placing some tape over it. "Alright, it all looks good, just leave the tape on for a couple of days, but I think you're all healed up." Clarke says clearing up. 

 

"Will it scar?" Lexa asks curiously. 

 

"Maybe for a while but I think it'll probably fade with time like nothing happened." Clarke replies removing her gloves and throwing them into the appropriate waste bin. Lexa nods her head and stands up, stretching out her back again, and Clarke gives her a look. "You should really let me take a look at that." She says and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"No, I'm fine, really, just gotta wait for my aspirin to kick in, it doesn't even hurt, just a little stiff." Lexa shrugs - it actually wasn't bothering her as much as it had before. Clarke rolls her eyes at the brunette's stubbornness, she was always like that, refusing help for things she probably should be accepting help for. Lexa begins tucking her shirt back into her pants and Clarke watches her for a moment. "Thank you Dr Griffin." Lexa says with a smile. 

 

"You're welcome." Clarke replies and Lexa laughs. The air between them was charged with something and Clarke had a feeling that she needed to get out of this situation before something happened - like when she'd kissed the detective. Clarke turns on her heel, heading out of the door, and Lexa watches after her, not wanting Clarke to leave yet. 

 

"You kissed me." Lexa says following after Clarke. 

 

"We said we'd forget about the kiss." Clarke says stopping in her tracks and glaring at the brunette. 

 

"I did no such thing." Lexa retorts. "I said that the kiss was good, and that I liked it, I never said I would forget about it and, besides, I don't think I could even if I wanted to." Clarke rolls her eyes, continuing on her way out of the room. "Have dinner with me?" Lexa asks halting Clarke once again. The blonde's sneakers squeak on against the floor and Lexa almost bumps into the back of her. "I realise that I might have come off as a bratty, immature, detective before. I want to prove to you that I'm so much more." Lexa says with a small smile - that lopsided smile that got Clarke every time. 

 

"Dinner?" Clarke repeats the question, thinking about it for a moment, before shaking her head. "No way." Lexa groans following after Clarke as she continues walking -  _ this would be so much easier if the blonde just stayed in one place. _

 

"Fine," Lexa sighs. "How about lunch then?" She asks and Clarke shakes her head while stepping behind the nurse's station. Lexa leans against it and Clarke busies herself so she doesn't have to look at the brunette. "You don't want dinner because it's too much like a date right? Well how about lunch, you know, that's casual, friends do that." 

 

"You want to be friends?" Clarke snorts and Lexa shifts so she's facing her better. 

 

"Clarke," Lexa's voice is demanding without being loud or harsh, it's the kind of voice she used to use when commanding situations, it was the voice that earned her the nickname commander from Raven. "it's been six years, we've both changed, I want to get to know you again, so, yeah, I'd like to be friends." Lexa says calmly and Clarke states into her green eyes. She's completely serious - and a serious Lexa isn't exactly rare but she's usually being a sarcastic little shit too often for serious Lexa to make an appearance. "Come on, give me a chance?" Lexa encourages. Clarke mulls it over for a moment, considering every angle that Lexa may be trying to play but coming up blank, she seemed sincere, and genuine, and Clarke could never refuse those puppy dog eyes in the past and, it seemed, she still couldn't. 

 

"Fine, no strings attached, casual, lunch." Clarke relents and Lexa breaks out into a huge grin. 

 

"Great! How's  tomorrow ?" Lexa asks and Clarke takes a moment to think. 

 

"If you don't mind eating hospital cafeteria food?" Clarke says with a small smirk. 

 

"I think I could stomach it," Lexa says "just for you though." She adds with a playful wink and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"You're cleared for work, tell Bell he's got his partner back." Clarke says dismissively and Lexa stands upright. 

 

"Blake couldn't function without me, I'm surprised he hasn't been shot yet." Lexa scoffs. "I'll see you  tomorrow blondie." Lexa says in goodbye and Clarke's hit with a blast of nostalgia. It settles in her gut, and makes her heart rate increase slightly, she almost feels like a teenager again, saying goodbye to Lexa on her porch as the brunette left in her leather, on her bike, but no. Right now she was standing in scrubs, a white coat, paired with sneakers, while Lexa wore a button down shirt, that looked good on her, loose but fitting, and her pants, that were probably the tightest pants Clarke had ever seen, they hugged Lexa's long legs beautifully, not to mention her ass, her shirt was tucked in her pants and she still wore her leather jacket that was worn down after years of use and Clarke was certain that Lexa would never let go of that jacket. Her waist was bare of its usual holster and badge but her boots were as big and comfortable as ever - probably so she could chase and tackle criminals with ease. Clarke was very aware that she was staring after her ex girlfriend, who had hurt her very deeply, who she'd thought she'd lost her connection with, but she couldn't bring herself to care. "She's hot huh?" Clarke looks down to see one of the nurses staring up at her - Clarke thought she was called Rebecca or something but she couldn't really remember. She looks back over to where Lexa had been walking away from and sighs. 

 

"Yeah, she is." Clarke admits before leaving to do some actual work instead of drooling after her ex.

 

**//**

 

Lexa hits the ball no problem, watching it sail through the air with a satisfying clink. She lowers her bat and turns to face Miller who was standing at the gate. "How's that grandpa?" Lexa teases and Miller rolls his eyes. 

 

"You say that now but when you were seventeen the only thing you could hit was air." He reminds Lexa. The brunette steps out from the cage and nods her head, removing the helmet and tucking it under her arm. Miller wasn't that much older than Lexa, perks of being an adoptive dad, but Lexa liked to tease him about it anyway - she found it quite amusing. Lexa had improved greatly from her teenage years, in fact, she'd often gone to the cages a lot after Clarke left because Miller's advice about it being a great way to channel her anger, and other emotions, was perfect - even Monty, in therapy, said that it was much more healthy than what Lexa used to resort to when she was angry or upset. "I'm proud of you kiddo," Miller says stepping into the cage. "you've come a long way. Chief misses you, says he's never had a better detective which stung a little." He flashes Lexa a smile which Lexa chuckles at. 

 

"Yeah, I am pretty good, aren't I?" Lexa asks. 

 

"You got those nightmares under control?" Miller asks his voice turning gentle. Lexa tenses momentarily though Miller doesn't seem to notice since at that exact moment a ball flies towards him and he focuses on hitting it. 

 

"They're not as bad." Lexa sighs relaxing again. "I just thought they'd be gone by now, you know?" Lexa asks and Miller gives her a sympathetic look. 

 

"Lexa, you killed someone as a teenager after being tortured, shit like that doesn't just go away." He says with a shake of the head. "You're bound to have PTSD, it was traumatic for you." 

 

"I feel, I don't know, I feel weak, you know? Like I'm being a burden and this shouldn't still be bothering me." Lexa admits and Miller hits another ball. Monty was the real therapist but Lexa got a whole new kind of therapy from Miller. 

 

"Six years may be a long time but it’s not enough." Is his only response but it's enough to comfort Lexa and to ease her tense muscles. Honestly, sleep had been eluding her for the past couple of months. Lexa figured it had to do with the fact that it was close to the time that the event had happened and her mind subconsciously, and consciously, just wouldn't let her forget it. Lexa had taken only one more life other than Nia's but that was on the job, that was acceptable, Nia had been, well, Nia had been different. It still haunted her. 

 

Costia was a ghost now, after their argument years ago the blonde hadn't bothered to reach out and, honestly, Lexa couldn't be more relieved. Roan had been quiet the last couple of days which was adding to Lexa's stress but she was confident that she could handle whatever he threw at her if he decided to do something stupid. Luna was a close friend of Lexa's but the girl was rarely in town, she usually had some kind of meeting in another state, so Lexa hadn't seen her in a while. Raven was the only person who really knew the extent of Lexa's sleepless nights, the brunette would pace a hole through the floor, or yell out, or that one time she'd attempted to make warm milk and the pans had clattered out of the cupboard, Raven knew but she was never mean about it: she was only patient and caring. "I heard Clarke's back in town." Miller interrupts Lexa's train of thought. "How do you feel about that?" He asks and Lexa rubs her neck nervously. 

 

"Honestly," She looks at Miller for a moment, ever since she'd lived with him as a teenager Lexa had always told him the truth about how she was feeling, he was like a father to her, and lying to Miller just wasn't an option. "it's hard." Lexa decides. "She's moved on and I guess I never really did." 

 

"How come?" He asks curiously and Lexa thinks about it. 

 

"She left town, she got away, I stayed, I was surrounded by memories,  _ constantly _ , it's hard to forget someone when all you can do is think about how you used to hold hands with them down the street." Lexa points out. 

 

"And now?" Miller continues hitting yet another ball. 

 

"And now I can't stop thinking about kissing her... or doing other things that I should not do to an ex." Lexa confesses and Miller laughs hitting his last ball far away. 

 

"Too much info kid." Miller says playfully stepping out from the cage. He pulls his helmet from his head and smiles wide and bright at Lexa. Lexa was about to reply when her phone buzzes in her pocket. 

 

"I've got to get back to work." Lexa says shoving her phone back where she'd pulled it from. "Duty calls." She says handing Miller her equipment. 

 

"Rain check on that burger then?" He asks and Lexa smiles softly at him nodding her head. 

 

"Tell Monty I said hey." Lexa calls jogging towards the exit. She didn't need to hear Miller's response to know that he agreed with her. She'd probably see Monty soon anyway but it was always nice knowing that Lexa actually thought about him because, Lexa was sure, with her workload, and her ‘zombie states’ as Raven liked to call them, she could go long periods of time without talking to Monty and he might feel under appreciated - something that Lexa didn't want him to feel like. She loved Monty and Miller and she wanted them both to know that - no matter how much it scared her.

 

**//**

 

Lexa walks into the station with her leather jacket thrown over her shoulder - she'd stopped by her apartment to pick up her badge and gun before heading straight to the station. She walks towards her desk and places the jacket on the back of her chair seeing Bellamy sitting at his own desk that was pushed against Lexa's. She'd often teased him about having to stare at his ugly mug all day at work and when he'd gotten offended, because Bellamy was so vain it was a little ridiculous, Lexa had told him she literally meant his ugly mug. Seriously though, he had a mug that had a stupid, dumb, little adlib written on it: 'Say: EYE Spell: MAP Say: NESS'. It was stupid, and totally immature, but that was Bellamy Blake. 

 

Bellamy ignores her and Lexa does the same settling in her seat and letting out a long sigh. She barely has enough time to relax when a file is being slapped down in front of her on her desk. Lexa looks up to see the chief staring down at her and Bellamy looking curiously over at them. "Detective." The chief greets. Lexa sits up, suddenly feeling very self conscious about her appearance, or if she was doing something wrong. The chief, Gustus, was an old friend but Lexa still got nervous around him despite how much he favoured the girl - it was a nervous I-don't-want-to-let-him-down kind of feeling. 

 

"Sir." Lexa greets back politely facing him fully. 

 

"You're Roan's handler right?" He asks and Lexa frowns. She wasn't exactly his handler, sure, she talked to him, made sure he wasn't doing anything stupid, or betraying their little arrangement, but she didn't know about Azgeda's business, or what they were up to, but, considering she used to be involved in that kind of thing, she did have a pretty good idea what he was up to. 

 

"Not exactly." Lexa answers. "We talk from time to time, I make sure he's staying in line as much as I can but I don't tell him to do anything and he never gives me Intel about Azgeda's operations." Lexa explains. Gustus nods his head leaning against Lexa's desk. The dude was ridiculously buff, he reminded Lexa of a Viking or something, but she knew that deep down he was a huge softie. 

 

"We have reason to believe that he's encountering problems inside of his little...  _ organisation _ ." Gustus gestures to the file he had dropped on Lexa's desk before. Lexa didn't know why he didn't just call it a gang, that's exactly what it was, but for some reason there was like a taboo on the word. 

 

Lexa opens the file and examines the pictures that were loaded inside of it. Bellamy comes round and leans over the top of Lexa's shoulder to see for himself too. The pictures showed Roan, some Azgeda members and a girl who Lexa really didn't want to see. Ontari Queen. She was Nia's cousin, she'd served time in prison for a while thanks to Lexa after an incident that Lexa may, or may not, have tipped the cops off about. That was back when Lexa had been a teenager, after her parents death, and she had been hellbent on revenge. Ontari had gotten a while locked up and now she was back which was bad news. Ontari was bad news. The girl was more ruthless and vicious than Nia and, by the looks of things, her steely eyes and the threatening presence she had over Roan, it didn't look like that had changed. 

 

If Ontari was back chances were she knew about Nia and chances were that she was not happy with Lexa. This was not good at all. "I presume you know who that is." Gustus states and Lexa nods her head examining the images further. Roan looked like he wasn't very happy about something but Ontari is fucking scary when she wants to be and Roan may be the heir to Azgeda but that girl was a loose cannon and she could not be trusted to follow Roan's leadership. 

 

"Ontari Queen." Lexa mutters closing the file. 

 

"I'd recommend some kind of protective custody for you but I also know you." He says and Lexa frowns. 

 

"Ontari won't come for me, she's not that bold." Lexa replies. "Besides, she doesn't scare me." Lexa shrugs and Gustus gives her a look. 

 

"Woods, this is serious, Ontari Queen is a threat to you." Gustus is giving Lexa a serious look telling her that he actually was worried about her safety. "Talk to Roan, gather what you need, we have reason to believe that Ontari is involved in drugs deport around town, go undercover if you need to." Gustus says patting her on the shoulder. 

 

"I don't think that'll work, they all know who I am." Lexa points out and Gustus pauses. 

 

"That's why you talk to Roan, something tells me he might want to neutralise this threat before it get too out of hand." Gustus replies.

 

"You mean, sending her back to jail?" Lexa asks raising her eyebrow. 

 

"Well I don't mean killing her Woods." Gustus retorts and Lexa rolls her eyes before he gives her an unamused look. 

 

"I know, I was just saying, Roan might want to kill her." Lexa says. 

 

"Well, as an officer of the law, I suggest you prevent that from happening." Gustus says and Lexa nods her head.  _ She sure had her work cut out for her. _

 

"Of course sir, I'm not the best detective you've got for no reason am I?" Lexa asks with a smile and Gustus shakes his head but his lips were upturned in amusement. 

 

" _ Hey _ !" Bellamy protests and Lexa just ignores him. "I'll keep her safe sir." Bellamy tells Gustus as though Lexa wasn't standing right there. Lexa glares at him and he returns the glare but Gustus just chuckles. 

 

"I'm counting on it Blake." Gustus says. "Now get the hell out of my sight and go do your jobs." He says playfully and Lexa grabs her jacket heading towards the exit with Bellamy hot on her trail. 

 

"So what's the plan?" Bellamy asks. 

 

"You heard the chief, first we talk to Roan, then we take Ontari down." Lexa answers and he gives her a look. 

 

"I need detective Lexa here, not gangster Lexa." Bellamy says. His voice is just bordering a warning tone and Lexa still couldn't believe that even her partner thought that she hadn't changed - even after everything they'd done together. 

 

"I know dummy." Lexa grumbles. "Are you questioning my intentions Blake?" Lexa asks stopping in her tracks. Bellamy almost walks into her and gulps when he meets her intense green eyes - there was a reason why Lexa was the bad cop and Bellamy was the good cop. 

 

"No, no, not at all, I trust you." Bellamy says dismissively. 

 

"Then act like it." She replies before storming off towards the car that they used. Lexa's mood had dropped considerably, from stress that Ontari was back, to the fact that her partner didn't trust her to be professional about this.  _ Lexa would show him professional.  _

 

**//**

 

They stay parked up at the side of some old warehouse. Lexa's leg was bobbing up and down, a clear sign of her nerves, or maybe it was her ADHD which had settled with adulthood but every so often would creep up on her. Bellamy tapped out a rhythm on the steering wheel as they waited for Roan to make an appearance. "So I heard you went to see Clarke this afternoon?" Bellamy asks. Lexa looks over at him and gives him a board expression - his attempt at making conversation was weak and lame. 

 

"Yes I did." Lexa replies and Bellamy nods his head. 

 

"So..." He trails off for a second and Lexa gets the idea that he's about to ask something that's going to tick her off. "Anything happen?" 

 

"She pulled stitches out of my body." Lexa replies bluntly and Bellamy rolls his eyes at how difficult his partner was being. They both knew that that was not what Bellamy had meant when he had said that but Lexa wasn't in the mood to explain her position with Clarke - or anything really. "She's over me, I get it, so can we move on-  _ what the-? _ " Lexa's sentence is cut off as she seems to focus on something in front of her. Bellamy frowns at Lexa's obvious confused expression before he sees her expression turn to anger. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." Lexa opens her door abruptly and gets out of the car with a conviction that Bellamy hasn't seen before. He turns to look where Lexa had been looking and his eyes widen. 

 

"Oh shit." He jumps out of the car, and closes his door, running to catch up with Lexa before she reached the two figures waiting for them. 

 

"When I say we need to meet alone that means fucking  _ alone  _ Roan." Lexa seethes. "What is  _ she _ ," Lexa's hands come up and gesture passive aggressively at the blonde beside Roan. "doing here?" 

 

"Nice to see you too Lex." Costia chimes. "You look good, better then I remember." She comments and Lexa scowls at her. 

 

"Shut up." She mumbles. 

 

"If I remember rightly, you seem to like it when I don't." Costia retorts. 

 

" _ Costia _ ." Roan warns and Lexa scowls harder at the blonde as she grins back at her clearly full of herself. 

 

"Got to say, the badge suits you, kind of turns me on a little." She continues anyway ignoring Roan who sighs and puts a hand to his temple. "So how's Clarke?" 

 

"How would I know?" Lexa asks. She couldn't be bothered to get into that, and especially with Costia, so she narrows her eyes and Costia gives her an ‘oh’ expression. 

 

"I see." She comments, far too smugly for Lexa's liking, before she could give a smartass comment back Bellamy is beside her, and panting quite heavily, and reminding her of why she came to meet with Roan in the first place. 

 

"Ontari is back in town." Lexa states facing Roan this time rather than Costia. "What's the deal?" 

 

"The  _ deal  _ is that she's trying to expand my business. She says I'm being too soft, listening to you, the person who murdered my sister. The worst part is that some of Azgeda are listening." 

 

"You're scared of a mutiny?" Lexa asks with her eyebrow raising in surprise - she thought Roan had more loyal supporters than that. 

 

"It's come to my attention that not everyone is happy under my rule." He mutters in disdain. "Costia, however, is my most trusted confidante, it's why she's here." 

 

"Oh I don't know about that Roan, she's a little bit of a backstabber." Lexa says and Costia rolls her eyes. Bellamy clears his throat and Roan gives him a look. "Look, Ontari and I have bad blood, she'll want me dead, and you know it." Lexa says, staring at Roan properly, trying to convey how serious she was. "The girl is just like Nia, and we both know how that turned out." Lexa says but it leaves a sour taste in her mouth and she tries to refrain from shuddering at the memory of her being coated in blood and seeing Nia's deformed face from when Lexa had repeatedly stabbed her blade into her. 

 

"I know Lexa." Roan replies in a gruff voice. "She wants to expand into what was once Trikru territory, I told her no, but I have a feeling she's going to do it anyway." 

 

"So why are you letting her?" Lexa asks. "Why don’t you take her out? That's kind of what you do." Lexa points out which she knows she shouldn't be condoning but she was just really curious - that's all. 

 

"She's family and, I told you, some of Azgeda are loyal to her over me, meaning they might turn on me, I’d rather not have my people killing me in my sleep for killing my cousin." Roan replies. 

 

"So I become your handler." Lexa states. Costia snorts, Bellamy looks at her like she was crazy and Roan just blinks at her. 

 

"What?" He asks. 

 

"Look, I'm ex Trikru, I know how this works, you work with me, we can take Ontari down together,  _ legally _ , and preferably alive. My boss said I can do undercover, maybe if I pretend that I've reverted back to my old days I can gain some trust within the community, whatever, set me up with your clients, all sorts. Roan, if we're going to do this, then I need your help." Lexa says seriously and Roan knows that she's belong serious. Bellamy worries his lip between his teeth, he didn't want to expose Lexa to that kind of thing again but it was his job to catch the bad people and the bad people was Ontari and this was a pretty solid plan. 

 

Roan considers it for a moment, even if Roan said no Lexa still had her inside guy Tristan - even after she'd hit him over the head with a glass cup she'd kept him in Azgeda to feed her info when she needed it. Costia studies Lexa for a moment, she looked determined, she knew that this was about more than just her job, or her duty, this was personal. Lexa looked good, better than her seventeen year old self, her jaw was sharper than it had been, her eyes seemed clearer, and greener, and she didn't look so tired anymore. "Do we have a deal?" Lexa asks stretching her arm out to Roan. Roan stares at it for a moment, he didn't want to lose his empire, and everything that he had built, he especially didn't want to lose it to his cousin, but if anyone found out he'd be a snitch and he'd face the possibility of being shunned anyway. 

 

In end though the gain outweighed the risks. He'd have full control over his empire, without Ontari as a risk, plus, if Lexa did her job correctly, she'd still be alive and she wouldn't have a vendetta against him - only further her vendetta against the brunette in front of him. Roan takes her hand, shaking it firmly, and stares her right in the eyes. "You have a deal Woods." He says releasing her hand and Lexa nods her head. "Just tell me how you want to play this." He says. Costia remains silent, she wasn't so sure this deal would work but if there was anyone who knew how to deal with Ontari, legally or whatever, it was Lexa. 

 

Lexa thinks about Roan's words for a moment trying to devise a plan on her mind. "It has to be thought out, we need evidence, we need to catch the specific moments, everything has to be perfect if we want to take Ontari down." Lexa says and Roan nods in agreement. "Keep in touch, let me know what she's doing and we'll think of something." Lexa decides and Roan nods again. They shake one last time before Lexa goes her own way with Bellamy following closely behind her. 

 

"You really think this is going to work?" Bellamy asks and Lexa looks at him pausing for a moment. 

 

"It has to." Lexa replies before climbing into the car again. Bellamy gets into the driver's seat and Lexa watches Roan and Costia as the older Blake begins backing out. Lexa had a good plan, it  _ was  _ good, but she did have the feeling that she might have just made a deal with the devil.

 

**//**

The following day Lexa ordered Bellamy to drive her to the hospital so that she could have that lunch she had planned with Clarke. Admittedly, Lexa had been looking forward to it all day, which was a little embarrassing, and she knew she shouldn't get her hopes up, but she couldn't help it: Clarke always brightened her day. She orders Bellamy to stay in the car and when he kicks up a fuss she threatens him with a few choice words and he reluctantly agrees - on the terms that Lexa brings him a coffee out. 

 

Entering the hospital Lexa's hit with the familiar scent hospitals always had.  _ That  _ smell, the kind that you can't really explain but it's always there, and it's really strong, Lexa figured it was probably just a mix of all the sterile smells mixing together in a unique blend making the hospital smell -  _ clean? _ It was hard for her to describe but she hated the smell of hospitals - they reminded her of bad memories. 

 

Lexa walks up to the nurses station to find Rebecca, the nurse, who she had noticed eyeing her a couple of times, sitting behind the desk. "Hi," Lexa smiles charmingly and the young nurse blushes slightly -  _ she still had it. _ "I'm here to see Dr Griffin." Lexa explains. 

 

"Dr Griffin is in surgery-" Rebecca begins. 

 

"Sorry, I meant little Dr Griffin." Lexa grins at that analogy and the nurse laughs. 

 

"I prefer Clarke Griffin when someone confuses me for my mother." A voice from behind Lexa chimes. Lexa spins around to see Clarke shaking her head in amusement at her. 

 

"Sorry." Lexa replies. "So you ready for that lunch?" Clarke checks her watch on her wrist and then looks back up at Lexa. 

 

"I guess I could spare a few minutes, although, I'm  _ very  _ busy." Clarke says and Lexa gets the impression that she's joking. 

 

"Of course Dr Griffin, saving lives is very important." Lexa answers back and Clarke laughs. They begin walking down the hallways together, side by side, an uneasy silence between them, Lexa wanted to say something but, for the first time in a long time, she was left speechless - she didn't know what to say. 

 

They reach the cafeteria and Lexa settles for just a coffee and Clarke does the same. "Raven misses you." Lexa says after a moment, breaking the silence, as they sit down. 

 

"Yeah, I haven’t had the chance to see her yet." Clarke admits and Lexa nods her head. "How are you feeling?" Clarke asks and Lexa raises an eyebrow over the brim of the coffee cup she was drinking from. 

 

"You hurt your back." Clarke reminds her and Lexa chuckles. 

 

"I'm fine, good as new, I told you it was just a pulled muscle." Lexa replies and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"Okay, how about the sleepless nights?" Clarke asks her eyes narrowing in that determined way that Lexa had missed.  _ Touché _ . 

 

"Clarke..." Lexa says in a warning time. "I know we're eating in a hospital but I didn't realise you wanted to ask me about my health." 

 

"I want to know if you're okay." The sudden confession catches both of them off guard, causing a silence to form between them as Lexa looks at her with almost hope in her green eyes while Clarke's cheeks turn a little red. "You know, I'm a doctor, I took an oath." Clarke excuses and Lexa clears her throat, shifting her position in her chair to shake off the weird feeling she had in her gut. 

 

"I'm fine Clarke." Lexa says.  _ Liar _ . Clarke knows it's a lie, and Lexa knows that Clarke knows it's a lie, but it's almost like a reflex. The only time Lexa was ever honest was if she was alone and willing to get vulnerable and also when she was drunk - Lexa spoke her mind when she was drunk. 

 

"As surgeons we're trained to be skeptical, to not believe what our patients tell us, because we're lied to everyday." Clarke tells Lexa. "Are you lying to me?" Lexa sighs and swallows hard, taking a sip of her coffee in the hopes of washing away that lump that was forming in her throat. She looks up to meet Clarke's eyes and there's a clear message in Lexa’s ‘ _ Not now, not here. _ ’. Clarke nods her head, dropping the subject for the time being, but making a silent promise to revisit the topic. 

 

"So how's big Dr Griffin?" Lexa asks changing the subject. Clarke plays with the lid on her coffee. 

 

"Pretty much the same." Clarke says with a shrug - Lexa already knew about Abby anyway. 

 

"What about you? How is everyone?" Clarke asks curiously. 

 

"Raven's still annoying as hell, Anya owns a bar now, Linc has a job here and Indra owns a huge company." Lexa says simply. "Oh and Roan and I might be going back into business." Clarke almost spits out her coffee when Lexa says that, her eyes bulging out of her head and everything. "It's not like that." Lexa says with a smirk - she knew Clarke would probably find this unbelievable but she couldn't resist. "Just work related." Lexa taps her badge and Clarke bites her lip for a moment. 

 

"So," Clarke sighs, she didn't want to be invasive but there was a question that had been driving her insane since they'd sat down. "are you seeing anybody?" Clarke asks not meeting Lexa's eyes. She's not looking at the brunette but she knows that she's smirking at her. 

 

"No I am not." Lexa answers. "Single as the day is long." Lexa says. "So single, so, very, very, single. In fact, Raven makes fun of me for being so single." Lexa says with a playful smile. 

 

"Well Rebecca seems to be very interested." Clarke mutters and she almost sounds jealous. 

 

"Of course she is." Lexa says. "Have you seen me?" Clarke's eyes trail down Lexa for a moment, her immediate thought was  _ ‘yes’  _ and then she realises that's exactly what Lexa wants, she's reeling her in again and it's annoying, but there's something about Lexa, something that always pulls Clarke right back in. There’s something else though, something Clarke can't quite figure out, the brunette seems a little off, like below all that sarcasm and detective suave Lexa's actually suffering, something just doesn't seem right and Clarke can't place her finger on it. 

 

They spend time catching up talking about things: Lexa learns that Clarke's staying with Octavia in their own apartment building and that the younger Blake is a paramedic driver and, apparently, not Lexa's biggest fan but Octavia never really had been. Lexa talks about her job for a little, and then Monty and Miller, and the rest of her family, before making scarce conversation about herself. Lexa was still closed off, she still had those walls, but Clarke could always chip away at it and expose the real Lexa underneath - she was an expert on all things Lexa Woods, that hadn't changed. 

 

"Clarke." A voice interrupts their conversation and Lexa looks up to see a familiar good looking guy - she thinks maybe they went to the same high school but Lexa didn't really pay attention back then so who knew. "I need you on a consult." Clarke purses her lips, looking up at Wells and then back at Lexa apologetically. 

 

"Hey, it's cool." Lexa says standing. "It was good to catch up with you Clarke." Lexa says politely - she still had to get Blake his stupid coffee and maybe she'd throw in a muffin just to silence his complaints she was sure he'd have. "Nice meeting you..." Lexa trails off waiting for the guy to fill in the blank. 

 

"Wells Jaha." He says and Lexa's face contorts into surprise recognising the name immediately. 

 

"Right well I'll see you later Clarke." Lexa says stepping away slightly. "Dr Jaha." She says before going over to order another coffee and muffin to go. Clarke stands up and gestures for Wells to take her to the patient he wanted consulting on. 

 

"You having a date with her?" Wells asks. 

 

"What? No. We were just having lunch, get a coffee, whatever." Clarke says dismissively and Wells gives her a look. 

 

"I don't trust her Clarke." Wells says. "She hurt you." He points out and Clarke softens, she knows Wells is just trying to be a good friend, he was a really good guy, but when it came to Lexa Clarke couldn't be warned. 

 

"I know." Clarke replies quietly. She'd go to see Lexa tonight, there was something going on with the brunette, something she was reluctant to admit, and she was more likely to let those walls down when it was just the two of them together and no one else.

 

**//**

 

Lexa hears someone knock on the front door to the apartment and she pauses mid lift with her glass of whiskey in hand. She frowns, setting the glass back down on the coffee table, and hauls herself up from her sitting position. Raven was out buying ice cream because, apparently, Lexa had eaten it all, so if she had been expecting someone then she'd forgotten to tell Lexa completely. She wasn't one for using the peephole to check who was behind the door so she just opens it, expecting to find maybe one of her neighbours since she hadn't buzzed anyone into the building, who she didn't expect to see was a certain blonde. "Clarke?" Lexa asks. Clarke was out of her scrubs and in ordinary clothes: she was wearing an oversized college hoodie, skinny jeans, her blonde curls were free from their pony tail and her blue eyes were bluer than ever. 

 

Lexa leans against the door frowning slightly at the blonde stood there. "Hey." Clarke says and Lexa could've sworn she sounded a little nervous. Lexa was still wearing her button down but it was no longer tucked into her pants, her hair was free from its bun and fell in waves down one side of her shoulder, she was out of her boots and leather jacket and Clarke could see that the brunette was wearing odd socks which was kind of adorable. "I came to see Raven." Actually, Clarke didn't know why she was there, she just knew that Raven hadn't been her only motive to come to the apartment. 

 

"Oh." Lexa says. "Raven's out." Lexa responds. Clarke sways on her feet for a moment, she wasn't sure what she should do, this all felt very dangerous territory, but Lexa was looking at her with soft green eyes and she wasn't detective Woods right now she was just Lexa, the girl who Clarke had fallen for when she had been a teenager, or maybe she wasn't, people change, but Lexa was still Lexa. "You can come in if you want to wait for her?" Lexa asks. Clarke takes a moment to think about it before nodding her head. She steps inside the apartment and Lexa closes the door behind her. 

 

The apartment was nice, cosy, there was a bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table with a half empty glass beside it. "You want a drink?" Lexa asks. "It helps with the- with the not sleeping thing." Lexa passes by her, grabbing another glass on the way, before dropping down on the couch. Clarke follows her and sits down beside her making sure to put a little distance between them. 

 

"With the not sleeping thing?" Clarke raises her eyebrows and Lexa gives her a small smile while pouring her a drink. 

 

"I guess it's a thing." Lexa says. She hands Clarke the glass before picking up her own and stretching her feet out on the coffee table - at least Lexa was still extremely lazy. Clarke wonders if she's still a cuddler. 

 

Clarke turns her attention to the TV that was playing away and she lets out a breathy soft laugh. Lexa turns her head to look at the blonde a smile playing on her lips. "What are you watching?" Clarke asks in disbelief and Lexa leans further back into the couch. 

 

"What? It's the lion king." Lexa replies. Clarke takes a sip of her drink and cringes slightly at the taste - she never was a whiskey kind of girl but this whiskey was ridiculously strong. 

 

"Jesus Lexa. Are you trying to get me drunk?" Clarke asks - it's playful enough and Lexa even laughs a little. 

 

"Can I tell you something Clarke?" Lexa asks glancing over at the blonde. Clarke catches her eyes and focuses on the girl beside her. "I'm sad." Lexa confesses. "I mean, I shouldn't be, my life is great, it's fantastic, a real improvement from the little shit I used to be, but I'm so miserable. What's the point in becoming a better person if the ghosts of your past are just going to haunt you so you can't sleep, so you throw yourself into work and don't bother making a real connection with anyone, you know? I'm lonely, and I'm sad, and I  _ shouldn't  _ be." Lexa confesses. 

 

"I think you're drunk." Clarke says gently and Lexa laughs, unhumorously, taking another sip from her glass. Clarke eyes the bottle on the coffee table that was almost empty and she honestly hopes that Lexa didn't drink all of that. 

 

"I'm not drunk, I just..." Lexa looks over at Clarke. "There’s something about you that can draw the truth out of me. I don't know what it is." 

 

"So what's bothering you Lex?" Clarke asks. The nickname slips out of her mouth without her even thinking about it but Lexa doesn’t seem to mind. She lowers herself and turns on her side to face the brunette drawing closer to her subconsciously. Lexa swallows hard, she hadn't talked about the things that happened to her, not really, sure her friends knew she had nightmares, they knew she hadn't been sleeping, they knew she was a little off, but they didn't know what Lexa saw, they didn't know  _ why _ . 

 

"I see her." Lexa says and Clarke frowns. "It's not always bad but when I'm sleeping I have nightmares about... about Nia." Lexa turns on her side facing Clarke. "About what I did and I see you." Clarke's heart stops beating in her chest at the confession and her frown deepens. "I hurt you Clarke, you hated me and I understand why." 

 

"Lexa," Clarke's voice is impossibly soft, she reaches her hand out before retracting it before she could touch Lexa. "I could never hate you." 

 

"You couldn't?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Never." Clarke shakes her head. Lexa smiles slightly, it's sad, and in disbelief, but it's there. They're facing each other, staring at one another, and it's a little too intense so Clarke diverts her eyes just in time to see Simba crying over Mufasa -  _ God, Clarke hated that scene _ . "This reminds me of my dad." Clarke says and Lexa turns her head to look at the screen. "Reminds me of him, he was totally a Mufasa, kind protective, would do anything for me, playful, just a really great dad, and then he died." 

 

"I'm sorry." It comes out as a whisper but it's there and Clarke turns back to her ex girlfriend who was staring at her with parted lips. 

 

"So am I." Clarke replies. Lexa checks her watch and sighs focusing back on Clarke once she's done so. 

 

"Raven probably isn't going to come back, she probably took a detour to Anya's." Lexa informs Clarke who just rolls her beautiful blue eyes. 

 

"I can stay." Clarke says, and it almost doesn't sound like a question, it sounds like Clarke wants to. It was late, Clarke should be going home, but Lexa was never one to refuse Clarke Griffin's company. 

 

The pair fall into a silence, watching the movie, slowly gravitating towards one another, before, eventually, Lexa falls asleep peacefully on Clarke's shoulder with all her sleepless nights catching up with her. Clarke didn't have the heart to wake her up to leave so she just nuzzles into the brunette and gets comfortable falling asleep eventually herself. For the first time in a long time, Lexa doesn't wake up from a nightmare.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Drop me a comment letting me know what you thought of this chapter if you would like.


	28. Fresh Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Dance with me?" Lexa asks and Clarke stares at her, dumbfounded by the question. She looks around the bar and sees no one else dancing - there's music but it's hardly worthy of busting out moves. Clarke looks back at Lexa with raised brows and Lexa extends her hand. 
> 
> "No one else is dancing." Clarke states and Lexa shrugs. 
> 
> "Doesn't mean we can't." Lexa replies. "Come on Clarke, dance with me anyway."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this update took forever, I'm so sorry. Anyway, the plot thickens this chapter plus we have Clexa finally moving towards making amends so that's a plus. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter! Btw it's 5 am and I haven't slept yet so if there's a lot of mistakes I apologise.

Clarke wakes up with a blanket over the top of her and a sleeping Lexa cuddling into her side. She blinks away the sleep that was in her eyes and lets out a quiet yawn. She couldn't remember putting a blanket over them, and Lexa had been the first to fall asleep, so she wasn't sure where this blanket had come from. Clarke lifts her head and almost lets out a yelp when she sees a pair of chocolate brown eyes staring across at her from the arm chair. It was Raven and she looked a little unimpressed as she raises her eyebrows at the blonde. "Ra-" Clarke begins but Raven lifts a finger to her mouth silencing Clarke's words. She gestures her head towards Lexa and then stands up from the couch wandering into the kitchen. 

 

Clarke carefully removes herself from Lexa's side, lying her down gently on the couch with the blanket over the top of her. Clarke pauses for a moment, brushing a strand of hair from Lexa’s face before standing up straight. She looks over at the kitchen and lets out a sigh. Raven didn't look happy to see Clarke at all which meant she probably has something to say. Clarke heads towards the kitchen anyway, wanting to listen to whatever her best friend had to say. 

 

As soon as Clarke enters the kitchen a mug of coffee is shoved into her hands and then Raven is turning away from her and hoisting herself up onto one of the kitchen counters while nursing her own mug in her hands. "What the hell Griffin?" Raven asks with a scowl. Clarke frowns at her in confusion, shrugging her shoulders to tell Raven that she didn't know what she was talking about. "Sleeping with her? Do you have any idea what that'll do?" 

 

"Raven, I came over to talk to  _ you _ , you weren't here so I talked to Lexa and we fell asleep. Nothing happened." Clarke explains confused as to what Raven was trying to get at. 

 

"You don't get it." Raven states matter-of-factly. "Clarke, you're messing with her, you're confusing her. Look, you're my best friend, and I love you, but I  _ live  _ with Lexa, I've been here through everything, and you staying the night with her? That's going to put false hope into her head." 

 

"Raven-" Clarke begins but Raven hops off the counter, careful of her brace, and she silences the blonde with a look. 

 

"What do you want?" Raven asks. Clarke freezes at the question, unsure if she had misheard Raven or if she had heard her right. 

 

"What?" Clarke asks shaking her head slightly. 

 

"What do you want?" Raven repeats while rolling her eyes. "Are you actually interested in Lexa? Do you actually  _ want  _ to be with her? Because this whole casual thing? That won't work for Lexa. And you hanging around, trying to be ‘ _ just friends _ ’, we both know that's a bunch of bull, neither of you two are capable of being  _ just  _ friends." Raven explains. "Lexa hurt you six years ago but you hurt her too Clarke, and Lexa's not as okay as she makes herself out to be, so figure out what you want before you hurt her more." Raven finishes. 

 

Clarke sighs, leaning her head against one of the cabinets, she closes her eyes as she takes in Raven's words. "Am I being too harsh?" Raven asks after a moment. Her voice is gentler but it still holds that classic Raven Reyes tone that implies she's smarter than you - and she probably is. Clarke shakes her head, straightening up, and looks at her best friend. 

 

"No, you're being honest." Clarke says. "Lexa, she-" Clarke lets out a huff. "I don't know Rave, she has this ability to draw me in, I don't know how I feel." Clarke admits. There's a knock at the apartment door and Clarke looks curiously at Raven who shrugs. 

 

"Raven!" Clarke hears Lexa's husky sleep voice yell from the sofa in the living room. "Someone's knocking at the door!" She calls and Raven rolls her eyes. 

 

"So get off your ass and answer it!" Raven yells back. The sound of someone moving tells Clarke that Lexa does just that. It's a moment before the sound of the front door being opened sounds through the apartment. 

 

"Luna?" Lexa's voice drifts into the kitchen and Raven's eyes widen. The mechanic walks towards the doorway of the kitchen and Clarke follows curiously. What she sees causes her to clench her jaw. Lexa, embracing a girl named Luna, in the doorway of the apartment, is clear to see and Clarke feels something she can only describe as jealousy spark in her gut. "What are you doing here?" Lexa asks pulling out of the hug to look at the girl in front of her. "I thought you were in Spain or something?" 

 

"I was." She answers. "Then something came up and they had me rushed back here to sort it out. I actually got back last night, thought I'd visit my favourite detective before I went to the office." She ruffles Lexa's hair and passes by her into the apartment stopping when she notices the two girls standing in the kitchen doorway. Her eyes linger on Clarke for a long moment before Lexa seems to remember that she had fallen asleep with Clarke on the couch. 

 

"Oh, err," Lexa steps forward awkwardly. "Luna, this is-" 

 

"Clarke." Luna finishes for her and Clarke frowns at the girl. She was giving her an ambiguous stare, nothing sinister, but nothing kind either, she had a perfect emotionless mask and the smile she had had plastered on her face upon greeting Lexa was long gone. "Yes, I've heard a lot about you." Luna says directing her statement to Clarke. Lexa laughs nervously and Clarke looks at the brunette who offers a half shrug in explanation. 

 

"Really?" Clarke asks turning her gaze from Lexa to Luna cocking an eyebrow as she does so. "Because I've heard nothing about you." She says. The woman was vaguely familiar, like she might have seen her around somewhere in passing, but she was pretty certain she'd never met this Luna woman in her life. She was attractive, in that successful businesswoman kind of way, and the way that Lexa was looking at her gave Clarke an unsettling feeling in her gut. 

 

"Lex likes to keep quiet about me." The girl shoves Lexa playfully and the brunette chuckles at the action. "We've known each other since you abandoned her and left her to deal with the aftermath of ‘ _ Clarke Griffin _ ’." Luna says causing Clarke's eyes to widen slightly, and for Raven to cough subtly and Lexa to clear her throat awkwardly. 

 

"I'm no saint either." Lexa speaks up and Luna turns to look at the brunette. 

 

"At least you've apologised." She retorts. They have a mini staring match, both of them glaring at one another, before Clarke clears her throat. 

 

"I have to- I have to go. I have a patient at the hospital who needs- I'm the only one who can check up on him." Clarke excuses - she was lying of course but she had to escape this situation. 

 

"Run Lex?" Luna asks walking towards her bedroom. 

 

"Your clothes are still in my draw." Lexa calls as Luna closes the door. Lexa rolls her eyes and turns to face Clarke. "I'm sorry about her, she doesn't have a filter." Lexa says shaking her head. Clarke nods slightly and Lexa doesn't miss the dejected look on her face. Raven excuses herself, winking at Lexa and gesturing for the brunette to talk to Clarke. "Luna didn't mean what she said, she's just protective of me." Lexa says with a shrug. 

 

"It's fine." Clarke says dismissively because, honesty, Luna was kind of right. "I thought you said you weren't dating anyone?" Clarke asks hoping her jealousy wasn't as obvious as she thought it was but, then again, Lexa always kind of was oblivious to those kind of things. 

 

"I'm not?" Lexa replies frowning in confusion before she seemingly realises what Clarke was hinting at. "Oh, you mean Luna?" Lexa laughs. "No, we're not, trust me, she's like a sister to me, nothing is going on there." Clarke wanted to give a snarky response that Lexa had her clothes in her room, and that didn't exactly scream platonic, but she believed Lexa when she told her that nothing was happening between them. 

 

"I should go." Clarke says awkwardly gesturing towards the door. 

 

"Oh yeah, sure, of course." Lexa says frowning at herself. She seemed a little more jittery than usual and Clarke was a doctor now so she was perceptive of those things. 

 

Lexa walks towards the door of the apartment, running a hand through her hair while she tucks the other one into her pocket just so it had somewhere to rest. Lexa opens the door and bounces on her feet a little flashing Clarke a charming smile. The blonde eyes her curiously, interpreting Lexa's behaviour as her wanting to get rid of her so she can spend time with Luna. "Um, bye, I guess." Clarke says but she's stopped by Lexa's voice. 

 

"Hey, wait." Lexa starts looking behind her then back to Clarke. "I'm sorry about last night, spilling my guts to you like that and then falling asleep and stuff," Lexa shifts again. "I didn't mean to make things weird between us." 

 

"You didn't." Clarke reassures. "I fell asleep too Lex, it takes two to fall asleep on one another." Lexa lets out a breathy laugh at Clarke's light humorous response and nods her head. 

 

"You should come down to Anya's bar... after your shift I mean." Lexa suggests. "I swear I won't hit on you or anything." She adds before her eyes widen. "Sorry, that slipped out." She says shaking her head. Clarke purses her lips noticing Lexa's weird mood when she realises what's happening. 

 

" _ Oh _ ." It slips from Clarke's lips before she can stop it and Lexa turns her head to the side in a questioning manner. "It's okay." Clarke quickly salvages and Lexa nods her head. "I'll think about the bar." She adds with a teasing smile. Lexa smiles back and watches her leave. Only when Clarke is out of sight does she close the door and head back into the apartment. Luna exits Lexa's room in her running clothes. Raven eyes Lexa who hurries across to her room to change. 

 

When she exits she wanders around the apartment a little, seemingly looking for something, when Raven pipes up from the couch. "In the bowl by the door!" She calls and Lexa sighs thankful that Raven was there to remind her. She scoops up her keys, rattling them to signal she had found them, she then looks at Luna expectantly and the pair are racing out the door and Lexa is more than happy to blow off the extra steam she seemed to have accumulated that morning - her ADHD was really acting up for some reason. She brushes it off and concentrates on running.

 

**//**

They don't stop running until Lexa's lungs burn from the effort and, even then, she's reluctant to stop but Luna grabs hold of her arm and falls back in the grass in the park that they had been running through. Lexa sucks in a deep breath but stays on her feet looking down at her friend who was panting like crazy. "Are you a machine or something?" Luna asks. "How the hell are you not dying right now?" Lexa smiles at Luna's words and stretches her arms. She was a little breathless but chasing criminals for a living (and also having once been one of those criminals) really did wonders for her cardio and Lexa's stamina was off the charts crazy. 

 

Lexa eventually gives in and lies beside her friend, looking up at the blue sky above her that reminded her so much of a certain blonde. "So, Clarke's back?" Luna voices and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"You were a little out of order this morning." Lexa says. "That stuff happened a really long time ago and you dragging it out of the woods doesn't make things better." 

 

"I'd say I was sorry but I'm not." Luna says. "Come on Lex, that girl hurt you just as much as you hurt her, and, up until now, she's gotten off scot-free." Luna says absentmindedly swatting at the brunette beside her. 

 

"I did kind of have sex with someone right after we broke up." Lexa points out. "And then I proceeded to do drugs." 

 

"And do you or do you not realise you did wrong?" Luna asks turning her head to look at the brunette. Lexa remains silent, answering Luna's question for her, and the girl smiles at the brunette. 

 

"I'm just saying, that stuff is ancient history." Lexa says after a moment. Luna pauses for a second, observing Lexa who was busy staring up at the sky to notice that her friend was studying her closely. 

 

"Exactly." Luna states catching Lexa's attention. "Maybe it's time you put it behind yourselves." She adds and Lexa turns to look at her. Luna had a sheet of sweat covering her but her breathing had all but regulated by now. 

 

"I loved her." Lexa says looking back up at the sky. 

 

"Yeah,  _ loved _ ." Luna chimes. "I get it Lexa, she was the first girl you fell in love with-" 

 

"Actually, the first girl I fell in love with was Costia." Lexa interrupts and Luna rolls her eyes. 

 

"Yeah, and how did that turn out?" Luna asks earning her a glare from the brunette. "I'm just saying, it's been six years, you have every right to move the hell on from her." Lexa remains silent at Luna's words. This wasn't the first time that her friend had suggested such a thing but Lexa never could really find something  _ worth  _ moving on for - no matter what she did, she always wound up right back on the topic of Clarke. "There's no law saying you can't be happy Lexa." Lexa scoffs shaking her head in mild amusement. 

 

"Sure feels like there is." Lexa mutters earning her a look from Luna. 

 

"You haven't even tried." Luna says. 

 

" _ I’ve tried. _ " Lexa protests. "Just... nothing worked." 

 

"Because you didn't give it a chance." Luna argues. 

 

"What the hell is this?" Lexa asks, feeling agitated, she sits up. "The set Lexa up with a date foundation? I already told you, I'm fine." Lexa grumbles standing back up and beginning to walk away. Luna groans, ignoring her aching limbs, and catches up with the brunette who had began walking the way that they had came. 

 

"You're not fine." Luna points out. "You haven't had a stable relationship in six years and Raven tells me you've been having trouble sleeping the last few nights." 

 

"That's none of your business!" Lexa snaps. She halts in her steps and turns to Luna with a furrowed brow and a piercing green stare. Luna holds her hands up in surrender, not wanting to agitate the brunette any further. 

 

"Clam down detective." Luna says cautiously. "I was making a simple observation." Luna adds. 

 

"Yeah, well, don't." Lexa says grumpily - her day was quickly taking a turn. They begin walking in silence before Lexa sighs. "I'm sorry for snapping at you." She apologises. 

 

"Thank god, I thought you were going to be an ass all the way back to your apartment and not talk to me." Luna says lightly earning her a very faint smile from Lexa. "Look, I get it, ancient history, that doesn't explain why you've never been able to move on from her." Luna says. If she could say it without angering Lexa she would tell the brunette that she's probably still in love with the blonde doctor but, when Lexa's like this, there's no getting through to her. 

 

Lexa chews the inside of her cheek in thought, her mind drifting to a certain doctor almost immediately. Clarke is still as beautiful as ever and, consequently, she's just as distracting. Lexa can't lie, she does still have feelings for Clarke and she misses her like crazy. It's a little pathetic how much Lexa really missed Clarke, she hadn't realised before, because the blonde had been gone and Lexa hadn't thought about how much that weighed down on her, but now she was sleeping whole nights, and feeling better than ever, and the only thing that was the common denominator was Clarke Griffin. 

 

Truth was, she didn't want to move on, not even in the slightest, she wanted Clarke, no one else, and she'd be damned if she doesn't get what she wants, but Clarke... Clarke is a mystery right now. There's six years of Clarke that Lexa's missing, and she wants to fill in that gap, to get to know the blonde all over again, and she has no idea if Clarke even feels the same way still. A buzzing in her jacket snaps her out of her Clarke thoughts and she pulls the phone from her pocket to see she has a message from Bellamy. 

 

_ [Blake] - Get down to the station asap. Captain has a plan.  _

 

Lexa reads the message a couple of times, wondering what Gustus had planned, and why Bellamy was being so vague on the matter, usually he would write an essay of what the plan was when he texted which made Lexa suspicious. "Gotta run." Lexa says slipping her phone away. "Duty calls." Lexa offers as an explanation - she also needed to shower, change and grab her badge and gun. 

 

"Go catch bad guys." Luna says and Lexa grins, beginning to run in the direction they had came and towards her apartment. Luna watches after the receding brunette and lets out a sigh. She just hoped Lexa would figure out her feelings before it was too late.

 

**//**

"What we got?" Clarke asks as the paramedic van comes to a stop. She watches as Octavia jumps out the back, helping her partner with pulling the gurney out of the back with the patient on it. 

 

"Multiple stab wounds." Octavia says. "He coded once in the field-" 

 

"This is a teenager." Clarke interrupts. The kid was strapped to the gurney but his baseball shoes, clothes and build gave away his age. 

 

"Yeah about sixteen years old." Octavia says as they begin rushing into the ER. "He was mugged." Octavia says anger clear in her tone. "Poor kid." Clarke nods in agreement as she's joined by her team of doctors one of which is Wells. Clarke didn't want to admit it but she was having major flashbacks of when Lexa had been shot. She hadn't been there to see her but the teen in trouble on the gurney was seriously reminding her of Lexa.  

 

The group of doctors transfer the patient to the bed like a well oiled machine and then Octavia's disappearing to go continue doing her job while the doctors do theirs. Clarke was about to begin examining him when the patient moves. He grabs hold of Clarke's hand and her eyes snap to his face in shock. "Please." He pleads. "Don't let me die." He begs. Clarke feels her heart clench in pain. She shakes her head, and steps closer to him, leaning over while Wells and the other doctors continue doing their work. 

 

He was shaking, obviously scared, and Clarke gets it: dying is scary. It's also hard, the body doesn't want to die, and she knows that he's probably fighting to stay alive. "You won't." Clarke says. "We're going to do everything we can to make sure that that doesn't happen." She reassures. She stares at him when she notices his eyes beginning to roll back in his head. "Get a crash cart in here!" Clarke yells.

 

**//**

Lexa enters the station with a hop in her step - running always left her in a better mood plus she happened to really enjoy her job which always made her happy. She spots Bellamy at his desk sifting through paperwork as Lexa sits down across from him. "What's going on Blake?" Lexa asks. Bellamy looks up, surprised to see Lexa sitting there, telling the brunette that he hadn't seen her enter. Bellamy looks around before standing up and leaning against Lexa's desk. He crosses his arms across his chest and lets out a sigh. 

 

"Boss has a plan and I don't think you'll like it." He says. 

 

"Why?" Lexa asks narrowing her eyes at the detective. He pauses, he knew Lexa was dedicated to her job but he wasn't sure that this plan was such a good idea. If he was being honest, it wasn't more of if Lexa would like it but if  _ Bellamy  _ liked it. 

 

"I don't like it." Bellamy admits and Lexa frowns at him in confusion. Lexa was his partner, the one person he could count on in life or death situations, they had a love-hate friendship dynamic but, ultimately, his goal was to make sure that Lexa was safe. 

 

"Do you want to tell me why or what?" Lexa asks a little irritated by Bellamy's silence. 

 

"Sir wants to send you undercover." Bellamy relents. Lexa shrugs not seeing the problem with that considering that's what they had been planning anyway. "No, Lexa, I mean,  _ undercover  _ undercover." Bellamy stresses, staring directly at her, trying to convey the meaning behind his words with his eyes. 

 

"Oh." The words seem to click and make sense to Lexa and Bellamy nods his head. 

 

"I already told you that I didn't like putting you back in that setting again and that's exactly what-" Bellamy begins. 

 

"What are you so worried about Blake?" Lexa interrupts - snapping a little at him. "That I'm going to go all Trikru again? That I'm going to get a taste of my old life and reform?" Lexa asks and it was clear now that she was angry. "I already told you that that's not going to happen, I have more self control than you think." Lexa says glaring at Bellamy who now felt terrible. "I'm a detective, I'll do exactly what I have to do to do my job, so, tell me Bellamy, what are you so afraid of?" Lexa asks sitting back in her seat. Bellamy takes a deep breath, unsure if he should say what he was thinking, he purses his lips, glances around the room, before facing Lexa again. 

 

"You're an addict." He says lowly and Lexa scoffs standing up from her seat. 

 

"You're unbelievable." Lexa says walking away from him. 

 

"Listen to me Lexa," Bellamy says chasing after her. "you're my partner Lexa, that means I care about you, and you  _ are  _ an addict, putting you back in that environment-" Lexa whirls on Bellamy cutting off his sentence. 

 

"That's right, you are my  _ partner _ , that means you're supposed to have  _ faith  _ in me, you're supposed to  _ trust  _ me-" 

 

"I'm supposed to  _ protect  _ you!" Bellamy argues and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"You're not my damn brother Bellamy, it's not your job to look after me, I can do that all by myself." Lexa retorts. By now the whole station was looking at the two arguing detectives. 

 

"Really? Because you haven't been doing such a great job of that recently have you?" Bellamy asks and Lexa stares at him in disbelief - she thought Bellamy had put his years of being an asshole behind him. 

 

"You're unbelievable." Lexa repeats. "Your _job_ is to protect and serve the citizens of Arkadia. If putting me undercover does that, then you should be supportive. Your job is _not_ to smother me so _back_. _The hell._ _Off._ " Lexa shoves him, not that hard but hard enough for Bellamy to realise that he may have overstepped a little. 

 

"Lexa." Bellamy sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, really, I am, but-  _ dammit.  _ I care about you, okay? I don't want you putting yourself in unnecessary danger, and I know you've changed, and you've moved on, and that you don't suffer from that stuff anymore, but I'm just worried, alright? I'm worried." He says. Lexa softens considerably hearing the sincerity in Bellamy's words. She got it, he was her partner too, and she’d protect him too when it came down to it, so she understood why Bellamy was acting the way he was acting. 

 

Lexa looks at him and sighs, knowing that she had been the bigger ass here, she couldn't blame Bellamy for being worried even if it did annoy her. "I get it." Lexa replies. "I'm sorry too." She apologises. The sound of someone clearing their throat behind them causes Lexa to spin around and Bellamy to look up in surprise. Standing there was their chief in the doorway of his office. 

 

"Detective Woods, detective Blake, my office,  _ now _ ." He demands walking into his office. Lexa looks nervously at Bellamy who lets out a huff at her. 

 

"This is all your fault." He mutters and Lexa hits him on the arm. " _ Ow _ !" He complains. 

 

"Shut up." Lexa growls shoving him into the office. Like Lexa said, love-hate kind of friendship. 

 

Gustus gestures to the two empty seats and Bellamy and Lexa sit down in them without a word. "I see Bellamy already told you what I was planning." Gustus says giving Bellamy a stern look. Bellamy swallows nervously shifting in his seat. 

 

"Actually," Lexa says. "he didn't really tell me what the plan actually is." Lexa admits and Gustus sighs. He rests his hands on the surface of his desk and looks seriously at Lexa. 

 

"If this is too much of me to ask then you'll tell me, okay?" Gustus asks. "You're my detective, my priority is keeping you safe." Lexa wanted to argue with him, like she had with Bellamy, but, with Gustus, she knew it would be no use, so she nods her head instead. "I want to send you undercover." Gustus states. "That means initiating you into Azgeda's operations and for you to be working as a member of their gang." 

 

"But they already know that I'm a detective?" Lexa asks raising her eyebrows. 

 

"That's why I plan to suspend you, very publically, and I'll throw in enough hints that you've reverted back to your old ways that Azgeda will at least be interested" Gustus explains. The idea of being publically suspended made Lexa's stomach flip a little bit, she also knew that would be a huge step because Lexa tended to act out when bad things happened to her - at least she used to - so that would make Azgeda less inclined to question her on why she was back. "Roan will be informed of the plan, he'll keep you safe and introduce you to Azgeda so that you can keep a close eye on Ontari Queen from the very inside." Gustus explains. 

 

"Okay but she'll never trust me again." Lexa says. 

 

"She doesn't have to, you just have to earn Azgeda's respect, that’s how you'll get close, listen to talk, find out about Ontari's operations and then we spring our trap." Gustus says calmly. "The only thing, is that you'll be undercover Lexa, meaning you'll probably have to be around and commit criminal offences in order to fit in and not raise suspicion." He stares at Lexa to gauge her reaction but she doesn't seem to be phased. "Of course you'll be pardoned on those offences later, and you'll report back to Bellamy with your info regularly, but you really are the best person to send in there. You're the only person who I know is capable of doing this." Lexa plays with her fingers for a moment. She knows how gangs work, better than anyone, so she knows that Azgeda will want her to do something to prove her loyalty and worth - they wouldn't just let her in, though if she has Roan on her side that couldn't hurt. 

 

"I know this is a big ask." Gustus interrupts her thoughts with a gentle voice and Lexa looks up to see his eyes brimming with concern. "So take your time to think about it and you can ask me anything you want." Gustus says. Lexa sits back in her seat. Going back to that sort of lifestyle, working for what had once been her biggest enemy, was almost surreal but Ontari was nasty business and Lexa couldn't have her roaming the streets -  she was far too horrid and her job was to protect the other people who walked those streets. 

 

She thinks about Clarke, about how disappointed the blonde would be to hear that Lexa had joined Azgeda, and that thought alone almost made Lexa not want to do it - she  _ almost  _ wanted to say no, but she couldn't. It wasn't like Clarke was even something to her, they weren't even together, that meant she shouldn't really come to Lexa's mind when trying to make a decision. She'd have to distance herself from her friends and family to keep them safe, but it wouldn't be much different from when she was apart of Trikru, and she would not,  _ under any circumstances _ , take any drugs whatsoever. 

 

Lexa was grown, she was older now, smarter, clear minded, driven and focused, she would  _ not  _ waver in her morals and she knew now that there was no doubt that there was nothing that she wouldn't do to see Ontari behind bars…  _ again _ . She'd done wrong when she'd killed Nia but she could do the right thing now. 

 

"I'll do it." Lexa says surprising Bellamy and Gustus with her conviction. She gives Gustus an intense stare of determination. "So, when and where do you want to do this public humiliation and what's the story?" Lexa asks. Gustus lets out a breathy laugh and shakes his head. Together they would iron out the details and hopefully make this the most painless transaction as possible. 

 

**//**

 

Clarke stares at the scans again in disbelief. It was late, and nearing the end of her shift, and she was completely exhausted. She was waiting for the parents of her patient to arrive at the hospital; she was waiting to tell them that their sixteen year old son was dead. Everything had gone well, everything that could have gone wrong in surgery didn't, and Clarke actually believed that they had saved this kid’s life. Only, when Clarke had come to check up on him, after the surgery, he had no pupil response. At first, Clarke figured it was nothing, the kid was still hooked up to a machine because sometimes patients need that machine to help them breathe after major surgeries, she remained calm and ordered a head CT just to be safe. 

 

Now she was holding scans in her hands that showed the massive brain hemorrhage that he had suffered probably due to a lack of oxygen. Sometimes patients stroked out on the table, usually they weren't as young as this boy but if he had suffered a minor head trauma, that hadn't been so obvious due to his multiple stab wounds, then he could've been slowly bleeding in his brain all day without anyone knowing and Clarke felt like the world’s worst doctor for not noticing. Now he had little to no brain activity and he couldn't breathe without the machine that he was hooked up to. He was dead. 

 

A small knock on the doorway causes Clarke to look up. Wells is standing there, his hands shoved in his white jacket pockets and a sympathetic smile on his lips. "There's nothing you could've done Clarke." He says and Clarke knows that, she does, but it's hard to accept it. Being a doctor was so bittersweet, the losses hit you hard and this one in particular was hitting Clarke  _ hard _ . He had survived his brutal stab injuries only to die from a brain bleed. It seemed like a cruel joke. "Hey," He says softly. "You did everything you could." Clarke had heard this all from Abby when her mother had seen the blonde wiping away silent tears outside of the boy’s door - she hates being caught crying but she hadn't been able to stop them from falling. 

 

"I told him I wouldn't let him die." Clarke replies. She hadn't promised, that would've been crazy, you never promise such things, but she may as well have promised because, when Clarke said that she wouldn't let him die, she'd practically promised that he'd live and look how that turned out. "He trusted me to save him." 

 

"You did." Wells says. "Look, I know that it sucks but Clarke, there was nothing else we could've done." 

 

" _I_ _know_." Clarke snaps - she was sick of hearing there was nothing they could've done. They could’ve tried harder, she should've ordered a head CT before so that they knew about the bleed, she should've done _something_. 

 

"His parents are here." Wells says quietly. "Dr Griffin said that you should talk to them." He adds and Clarke sighs. She stands up from the on call room bed and lays the scans down on it. She runs a hand through her tangled blonde hair and mentally prepares herself for what was about to happen. She brushes past Wells at the door and walks down the hallway with a heavy heart. 

 

As soon as she steps into the hospital waiting room she's ambushed by two parents - this was always the worst. "Is our son okay?" The father asks.

 

"We came as soon as we got the call." The mother adds - she sounded to be close to hysterical. 

 

"Your son sustained multiple stab wounds to his abdomen and chest." Clarke begins wanting to get this over with. She already felt queasy, she couldn't do this, she hated this. "He crashed in the field and one more time in the ER before he was rushed to the OR where we attempted to repair the damage that he had sustained." Clarke explains calmly. 

 

"Is he okay?" The mother repeats the father's question from before. 

 

"The surgery was a success and we were able to repair his injuries." Clarke says and the hopeful glint in the parents' eyes breaks Clarke's heart. 

 

"Thank God." The mother says but Clarke closes her eyes. 

 

"Ma'am," Clarke says with a sigh. "there were complications." 

 

"You said the surgery was a success?" The father asks in confusion. 

 

"It was." Clarke says watching as they look at her in utter confusion. "It seems that your son suffered an intracerebral hemorrhage while he was on the table... he suffered a stroke." 

 

"Oh God." The mother gasps and the father wraps his arms around her. 

 

"Um, your son has no brain activity, the machine that he is hooked up to is essentially breathing for him, he's dead." Clarke says trying to keep it as simple as possible - she knew complicated words just made this worse. “I’m sorry, we did everything we could to save your son’s life but there was nothing we could’ve done to prevent this from happening.” 

 

"He's in a coma?" The father asks. 

 

"Kind of." Clarke says. "It's important that you know that it's very- highly... very highly unlikely that he will wake up." Clarke continues. "In my professional opinion, the most- the best possible thing that we can do for him is let him go." 

 

"You mean switch off the machine?" The father asks. Clarke nods and the mother breaks down in her husband's arms. He holds her tightly and Clarke feels her heart beat in the back of her throat. The father seemed to be keeping it together, though his eyes were watery and he was shaking, but Clarke could tell he was trying to be supportive for his wife. 

 

Clarke felt completely awful, it was moments like this that she seriously considered why she had become a doctor, this was just too much. There's a long silence of words though the noise of the hospital and of the mother's sobs means that they're not in total silence. The father looks at Clarke and Clarke gives him a sad look. "I think..." The man pauses, closing his eyes for a moment. "I think we'd like to turn the machines off." He says and Clarke nods understandably. "He wouldn't want to be like that." He shakes his head still holding his sobbing wife. "He wouldn't want to be like that." He repeats kissing the top of his wife's head. "Can we see him?" He asks. "To say goodbye?" He adds. 

 

"Of course." Clarke says. "Right this way." She walks towards the room that the patient was in and sees Wells waiting outside with the familiar forms in his hands. Clarke nods at him but gives him a look to say not yet and he acknowledges her message. They enter the room and Clarke hovers by the door as the parents begin crying, holding their child in their hands and whispering soothing words to him. 

 

Clarke steps out to give them privacy and she grabs the forms from Wells' hands as she does so. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Clarke asks. 

 

"Dr Griffin said-" 

 

"They just lost their child." Clarke says angrily through clenched teeth. "Give them time to process that before you start presenting them with the papers that basically say that they're going to let him die." 

 

"He's already dead Clarke." Wells says. 

 

"Not to them he isn’t." Clarke sighs. "They don't get it Wells, that's their son, we’re doctors, we know that he's not alive but they don't, that's their son and that's all that they're thinking about." Clarke says. "Do you know what the first stage of grief is?" Clarke asks and Wells nods his head. 

 

"Denial." He answers and Clarke nods. 

 

"Exactly,  _ denial _ , they don't want to believe he's dead." Clarke says. "I know because I've been through all five stages and it sucks so just give them some goddamn time." Wells holds his hands up in surrender and stalks off to be of use somewhere else. Clarke leans her head against the wall and closes her eyes. 

 

She doesn't know how long she stays there but she's interrupted by the boy's father who exits the room. "I think-" He chokes a little on his words before composing himself. "I think I can sign those papers now so that my son may rest in peace." Clarke nods her head, handing over the papers that she held in her hands, she was glad that she hadn't had to explain to the man that he'd have to sign such a form, because that made things even worse, he just knew. "Thank you Dr Griffin." He says handing her the forms back. "You cared about him." He says. 

 

"Your son was brave, right up until the end." Clarke says matter-of-factly. "He was scared but he was strong." The father smiles and Clarke feels the hand gripping her heart loosen its grip slightly - she'd brought the father a little comfort with her words. 

 

"He gets that from his mother." He says sadly. Clarke nods her head and goes to go retrieve a nurse but the man stops her. "I know this is a lot to ask but... do you think you could be the one to do it?" He asks. Clarke pauses, staring at the man with shock, before nodding her head slowly. 

 

"If that's what you would like." Clarke responds. The man retreats back to the room and Clarke sighs. Sometimes, she really hates her job.

 

**//**

 

Lexa enters Anya's bar at about  eleven o'clock . It was a little later than she usually got there but she'd been held up planning, and talking to Roan about this whole undercover thing, so she had had to stick around at work a little longer than usual. Anya wasn't working the bar tonight, although she was giving the bartender some kind of lecture, and Lexa was certain she was probably taking inventory. She spots Raven and Bellamy talking at a table and walks over to them. "There she is." Bellamy says with his classic, what he liked to believe, charming smile. They both exchange looks, because this was the public place Gustus had decided on, and it was happening sometime tonight, and probably pretty soon, though Lexa didn't know when. 

 

"Hey." Raven greets. "You okay?" She asks. 

 

"Fine." Lexa says dismissively. 

 

"Well she's not." Raven nods towards Clarke who had told them to leave her be when she'd entered the bar only a few minutes ago. She had her head in her hands and a very somber expression from what Lexa could tell. "You should go talk to her." Raven says and Lexa thinks about it. "Seriously, go, before I push you over there." Raven says and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

She signals to Anya to get her two beers and she places them on the bar side, opened, for Lexa to grab as she walks by. Lexa slides into the seat beside Clarke, placing a beer down in front of her, and she raises her eyebrows when the blonde looks up at her. "You look like someone kicked your puppy." Lexa says nudging her with her elbow. Clarke grabs the beer and takes a long gulp, downing the liquid, and Lexa's concern grows. 

 

"I lost a patient today." Clarke says and Lexa lets out a soft sigh. "I've lost people before but this time was different. They didn't deserve to die." Clarke shakes her head downing more of the liquid and Lexa gives her a sad look. The blonde looks at Lexa for a long moment, studying her face in the dim lighting of the bar, and Lexa remains still, raising her eyebrow slightly in question. 

 

"I'm sorry that I left you." Clarke says quietly, taking Lexa by surprise a little. The blonde plays with the bottle in her hands thankful that she was off duty and able to drink. Her head was all over the place, and it wasn't just because of the hectic day she had had at work, she just felt so confused, so lost, and she didn't know what to do. "I'm sorry about what I said after Nia, I know that it was a long time ago but, what I said, it was totally out of order." Clarke says downing another sip. "I told you before that that I didn't care that you were in a gang, that I could live with whatever it was that you did, and I totally went back on my word, I abandoned you and you already had abandonment issues, so it's all my fault that you acted out. I’m sorry Lexa, really-" 

 

" _ Stop _ ." Lexa says harshly, yet softly, in a firm way that silences Clarke's rambling instantly. "You don't have anything to apologise for Clarke, we both made mistakes, and, I don't know about you, but I've made my peace with them. They're in the past." Lexa says softly and Clarke nods her head in agreement. There was something else bothering the blonde that she needed to get off of her chest. 

 

"I was jealous." Clarke states and Lexa looks at her clearly confused. "Before, with Luna, I was jealous. I don't know why, so don't ask me, I just was. And it bothers me to think of you with anyone who isn't me, which, I know, is totally selfish, and I shouldn't feel that way, but I do and... Why are you smiling at me like that?" Clarke asks trailing off her sentence. Lexa just grins back at her, endeared by Clarke's rambling, she found it adorable that the blonde still rambled. 

 

"Nothing." Lexa says with a shrug sipping her drink. She takes a moment before sticking her hand out to Clarke. "Hi, I'm Lexa, detective by day but, right now, I'm just a girl in a bar." 

 

"What are you doing?" Clarke asks and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"I'm starting fresh." Lexa says wiggling her fingers. "I'm Lexa, nice to meet you." She repeats and Clarke stares at her hand in disbelief. She couldn't imagine why Lexa was doing what she was doing but she couldn't deny that the thought was appealing. Starting fresh would be a good thing, even if they couldn't be  _ just  _ friends, erasing all guilt and past problems would clear Clarke's head enough for her to make the decision that she wanted to know Lexa again - in whatever capacity that was. Clarke takes her hand, shaking it with a small smile. 

 

"Clarke Griffin, doctor by day." She responds and Lexa shakes her hand back before releasing it. 

 

"Well, can I buy you another drink Dr Griffin? Perhaps something a little stronger?" Lexa asks with a playful smile. 

 

"Please do." Clarke replies. Lexa disappears to the bar and Clarke watches after her. This was a good thing, a fresh start was just what she needed, putting their mistakes and past behind them meant that they could stop being so weary around each other or, at least, Clarke could - Lexa didn't seem to be too weary, in fact, Lexa seemed to be doing good despite her confession from last night. 

 

She'd stayed and she'd had a good support system, even without Clarke there, which was good, it was better than good, it was fantastic, it meant that Clarke's absence hadn't hindered Lexa's progression, and she's sure it couldn't have been easy for the brunette going from gang member to detective, it was quite impressive, and Clarke wonders that, had she been here, if Lexa would still be who she is now if she had stayed. 

 

There's a certain humanity to Lexa that's always attracted Clarke from the beginning. She's closed off sometimes but Clarke can always tell what she's feeling, she's had practice, and, right now, watching Lexa joke with the bartender, she can tell that Lexa's content, she's happy, and that makes her smile ever so slightly. 

 

She tears her eyes away from the brunette when she sees her approaching. She places two glasses of whiskey on the table but stays standing, beaming down at Clarke. "Dance with me?" Lexa asks and Clarke stares at her, dumbfounded by the question. She looks around the bar and sees no one else dancing - there's music but it's hardly worthy of busting out moves. Clarke looks back at Lexa with raised brows and Lexa extends her hand. 

 

"No one else is dancing." Clarke states and Lexa shrugs. 

 

"Doesn't mean  _ we  _ can't." Lexa replies. "Come on Clarke, dance with me anyway." Clarke hesitates, glancing around one last time, before taking Lexa's hand. She laughs as the brunette twirls her around before her free hand rests on the small of her back and they fall into a waltz. 

 

"You haven't lost your moves Woods." Clarke comments and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lexa says with a small smile. "we've only just met." Clarke laughs, an amused smile forming on her lips as she continues dancing with the brunette. 

 

"Sure we have." Clarke replies sarcastically. They continue their dancing, drawing closer and closer to each other until, eventually, Clarke is leaning her chin on Lexa's shoulder as they slowly rock to the music. Anya's bar is a nice bar, and Clarke had been told that it was quite popular, especially on Wednesday nights when they had karaoke night, they're surrounded by people who don't even pay an ounce of attention to the two girls waltzing in the middle of the bar - except for a couple of people but they all seem to turn away after just one glance. 

 

Then Clarke's eye catches on a certain brunette sitting at a table. It's Raven, and she's giving Clarke a curious look before she's distracted by something Bellamy says. Raven's look is enough to sober Clarke and she pulls away from the brunette who raises her eyebrows. Clarke attempts to say something before clamping her mouth shut and reaching over to grab the whiskey Lexa had brought over before. She downs the whole glass and Lexa raises her eyebrows at the blonde in both confusion and curiosity. Clarke gestures to the other glass and Lexa gestures for her to take it. The blonde gulps it down in one, and shudders at the burning sensation, she had a very nice buzz now and Lexa was staring in surprise at her - in her experience, Clarke never could hold her liquor but that must have changed. 

 

"Detective Woods." Lexa spins around to see Gustus standing behind her. Clarke looks at him curiously, resting against the table behind her. 

 

"Sir?" Lexa asks, she glances around nervously, already knowing what was about to happen but knowing that her ego was going to take a pretty big hit nevertheless. 

 

"You are out of control." He states calmly. Clarke cocks her head to the side in confusion and Lexa shuffles on her feet. 

 

"Sir, if this is about today, I'm sorry-" 

 

" _ No _ !" Gustus raises his voice before glancing around - he certainly had everyone's attention now. "No." He says more calmly now. Clarke watches the whole thing with an anxious look on her face worried about what exactly was happening. "Give me your badge and your gun." Gustus orders. 

 

"Sir-" 

 

"You are suspended, effective immediately." Gustus cuts off Lexa's words and the brunette shakes her head in disbelief. She pulls her gun from its holster and unclips her badge from her waist. She shoves them into Gustus's waiting hand which lingers a little longer than necessary. By now, the whole bar was silent from the scene happening in front of them and they watch as Gustus lets out a sigh of defeat. "I believe you could've been a really good detective Lexa." He says gentler now. "You would've made one of the best but you-" Gustus stops mid sentence, gaining the attention of everyone in the bar. "I guess old habits die hard." He says. It's a blow, a low one at best, Lexa knows that he's implying that Lexa's gone back, it's what they planned, but it still hurts Lexa a little no matter how fabricated this whole situation is - Gustus is a really good actor. 

 

"When can I come back?" Lexa asks regaining from the hit. Gustus's eyes may look hard and unrelenting but Lexa sees the apologetic glint. He knows that this must hurt Lexa, tossing her back into her old life, but it's also her job and he meant what he said: Lexa is a brilliant detective and, for her undercover to be successful, this has to look real. 

 

"Do you even want to?" He asks. There's a beat as the pair hold each other's gazes before Gustus turns and leaves. Lexa watches after him, sure, this was a for show but that felt a little too real and Lexa has to remind herself that it was fake. 

 

Lexa doesn't know how long she stands there for before she feels a warm hand rest on her shoulder. She turns her head to look behind her to see Clarke giving her sympathetic eyes and the brunette turns to face her fully. The blonde tugs her into a hug, wrapping her in a tight embrace, and Lexa just falls into it like an old habit that she had missed. She inhales deeply, taking in the scent that is Clarke Griffin, she fitted to the blonde's body like a joint fit into a bone and, suddenly, everything just felt right. 

 

Clarke wasn't much better, holding Lexa felt like there had been something missing in her, like she'd had this giant Lexa sized hole in her and now that she was holding her again she felt whole again in the brunette's arms. "Alright, get back to drinking everyone, nothing to see here!" Anya's voice cuts through the bar and, with a death glare from the owner, everyone seems to get the idea and return back to their casual conversations. Anya joins Lexa and Clarke followed by Raven and Bellamy. 

 

"You okay Lex?" Raven asks. Lexa pulls away from the hug, instantly missing the contact with Clarke, before nodding her head. 

 

"Yeah, I'm good, I just..." She trails off and offers a shrug in response with a weary smile. Bellamy gives her a knowing look but he also knows he can't say anything. "So," Lexa glances at Clarke. "there any jobs available at the hospital?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Why? You interested?" Clarke teases and Lexa smiles genuinely this time. 

 

"I might be." She retorts. "There are some certain...  _ attractions  _ to working in a hospital." The suggestive tone to Lexa's voice causes Raven to snort and the brunette to glare at her in annoyance. They were flirting, or, at least, Lexa was trying to flirt - she was usually good but she felt a little thrown at the moment. Raven holds up her hands in surrender, a smirk on her lips, and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"You're too stupid to work in a hospital." Anya states bluntly. 

 

" _ Anya _ !" Clarke says with a frown but the girl just shrugs. 

 

"She's my sister, I can drag her through the dirt all I want." Anya says. 

 

"You wish." Lexa scoffs. "I could kick your ass in a second flat." She says and Clarke shakes her head - it was just like the Woods sisters to get all competitive with one another. Raven interferes with a well placed sarcastic comment that causes both sisters to mumble and cross their arms in annoyance - sometimes you could really see the resemblance between Anya and Lexa. 

 

"Alright kid," Anya slings her arm around Lexa's neck and grins at her. "I have the perfect something to cheer you up." She says with a wink and Lexa raises her eyebrows. "It's a surprise but you should really thank Raven-" 

 

" _ You _ !" Everyone's heads snap up at the sound of the familiar voice - the  _ angry  _ sounding familiar voice. Octavia storms into the bar, trailed by Lincoln who tries to grab her before she can reach Lexa. Lexa looks at Clarke who just shrugs her shoulders and then Octavia is in front of Lexa and the brunette is backed up against a wall. "You hurt my best friend." Octavia says flatly. "And then you have the  _ audacity  _ to mess with her head all over again." 

 

"Um, I, err, I, heh- What?" Lexa stutters glancing at Clarke who seems to be frozen on the spot. 

 

"You kissed her while she was stitching you up, what's up with that Woods?" Octavia asks raising her eyebrows while waiting for a response. 

 

"Yeah, what's up with that Woods?" Raven chimes in with a cheesy grin which earns her a slap on the back of the head from Anya. 

 

"That was-" Lexa looks at Clarke, begging her for her help, before looking at Octavia with a hardened expression. "She kissed me." Lexa deadpans and Octavia's eyes widen in surprise. 

 

" _ What _ ?" She exclaims whirling on Clarke who gives her a sheepish smile. 

 

"It just sort of happened." Clarke responds. Octavia turns back to Lexa who gives her a look. 

 

"Fine." Octavia relents. "That doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you." 

 

"For what?" Lexa asks confused as to why she was so angry. Octavia observes her for a moment before shrugging. 

 

"I don't know yet but there's something that I’m angry at you for." She deadpans before going to stand beside Lincoln. Lexa straightens out her clothes, dusting them down, before letting out an exasperated sigh. 

 

"Great, suspended  _ and  _ yelled at in the same night." Lexa mutters. Lincoln looks like he's about to say something about the suspended comment but Anya shakes her head subtly to stop him. 

 

"How about we get to that surprise that Raven worked very hard to achieve?" Anya asks and Raven grins. 

 

"Thanks babe." Raven replies earning her a quick peck on the lips from Anya before the dirty haired blonde is walking away towards the bar. "You're all going to love this." Raven says with excitement. The group of friends look at each other suspicious as to what exactly Raven had planned. Lexa's eyes linger on Clarke a little longer than they probably should and the blonde catches her gaze before Lexa quickly averts her eyes blushing a little at the fact that she had just been caught staring. Clarke was still just as beautiful as ever.

 

**//**

They all trudge across a field. Anya is holding a cooler that Lexa is sure has a bunch of beers and ice inside, while Bellamy and Lincoln had been saddled with bags containing God knows what in them. Raven fiddles with something in her hand and then the flood lights a few feet away light up a field in rich white. It takes a moment for Lexa to realise that they're staring at a baseball field. "Oh  _ hell  _ yes." Lexa mutters under her breath - all the time spent in the batting cages was about to pay off. Clarke notices Lexa's excitement and smiles softly at the sight as she speeds up her walk. 

 

They dump their gear at the sidelines and Raven opens the bag Bellamy had been carrying to bring out baseball jerseys of different colours. "So how are we playing this?" Lexa asks opening the cooler Anya had placed down and grabbing a beer. 

 

"I can call Murphy, see if he can come down, make the teams even?" Bellamy suggests and Lexa nods her head. 

 

"Someone call Luna." Lexa says and Raven rolls her eyes grabbing her phone. Clarke bites her tongue at that and Octavia looks at her curiously. 

 

"What about Finn?" Octavia suggests. The people on the field go silent at the suggestion and Octavia just shrugs. "And Harper, she can be the backstop?" Octavia continues. "Look, Finn isn't as douchey as he used to be, and Clarke and him are even friends." 

 

"I was thinking Wells." Clarke pipes up - Lexa just gulps down her beer trying not to think about the amount of bed partners that Clarke was wanting to invite. 

 

"Okay, yeah, call them all." Anya agrees.

 

"I've got Monroe." Lincoln says and the group all nod. They all set away dialling and wait another ten minutes for everyone to get down to the field. It was midnight, and not exactly the time to be playing a game of baseball, but they were all hyped and excited for it. 

 

"I call Lexa!" Raven yells and Lexa grins. 

 

"No fair!" Lincoln pouts which was an usual sight. "She's the best player here." 

 

"I don't know about that." Finn comments and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"Raven's mine." Lexa declares and Anya glares at her but Lexa just shrugs - as sisters Anya and Lexa had both been picked as captains. "Roommate bond I'm afraid." Lexa says with a playful smile. 

 

"Linc you're mine." Anya says throwing a shirt at him. 

 

"Bell." Lexa calls. "Bellamy, get your tongue out of your boyfriend's mouth and get your ass over here." Lexa says throwing a shirt at Bellamy who pulls away from Murphy when it hits him on the back of the head. 

 

"Alright, alright." He pulls his shirt off and Lexa rolls her eyes -  _ men _ . Raven wolf whistles earning her a glare from Anya but Raven's not even phased. Bellamy pulls the jersey on and Lexa shakes her head. 

 

"Octavia." Anya calls.

 

"Clarke." Lexa says which does surprise Clarke - she hadn’t expected Lexa to pick her at all. 

 

"Finn." Anya mutters grumpily. Lexa looks over at her and she knows that her sister only took him for her sake which she's thankful for. 

 

"Wells." Lexa says not even looking up to gauge anyone's reactions. 

 

"Harper." Anya says and Murphy sulks. 

 

"Luna." Lexa says happily and the brunette comes over, high fives her friend and joins her team. 

 

"Murphy, that means you're mine." Anya says sticking her thumb behind her. Monroe was the designated backstop for the whole game, she was unbiased and didn't feel like playing sides. Lexa had abandoned her leather jacket in favour of her jersey and she observes her team with a satisfied smile. "Call it!" Anya yells and Lexa spins around to see her flipping a coin. 

 

"Heads!" Lexa calls and Anya curses. "We'll be batting first I think." Lexa says with a smirk. The teams weren't huge but they'd do for a casual game between friends. Anya's team assumes their positions on the field Anya taking the roll as the pitcher. They're all wearing huge baseball gloves and Lexa picks up the metal bat that feels perfect in her grip. 

 

"Bet you used to use that for different things once upon a time ago huh Lexa?" Finn asks. Lexa stares at him, she gets that he's trying to make a joke but she's not in the mood, ever since he said what he did in high school, and never bothered to apologise, Lexa couldn't careless about how much he had changed. 

 

"Yeah," Lexa says. "like busting people's kneecaps." She adds and Finn visibility pales and swallows nervously. Raven bursts out laughing at the exchange and Finn laughs nervously. 

 

"She's not kidding." Anya chimes in and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"Nice one Lex." Luna comments sipping a beer. Lexa grins as Bellamy puts the hard hat on her head, tapping it to tell her she was all set. She steps up to the outlined box and swings a couple of times to warm up a little before assuming the right position. 

 

"You ready little sis?" Anya taunts tossing the ball into her gloved hands a couple of times. 

 

"Bring it on." Lexa murmurs going into concentration. She twists her hands a few times and bites her tongue in concentration. When Anya throws the ball Lexa knows that she shouldn't swing, the ball bounces off the ground before it lands in Monroe's gloved hand behind Lexa. 

 

"Ball!" Monroe yells and Lexa smirks. 

 

"So predictable." Lexa teases and Anya grumbles catching the ball that's thrown to her. 

 

"Come on Lex!" Luna cheers. 

 

"Kick her ass!" Raven yells and Lexa laughs. Raven turns to face Clarke, who was stood beside her, the blonde was concentrated on the game - or maybe it was just Lexa. 

 

"You think she'll make the hit?" Clarke questions noticing Raven's eyes on her. 

 

"It's Lexa, when has she never gotten to fourth base before?" Raven says, clearly joking, but it twists Clarke's gut. Raven seems to notice Clarke's shifting mood and nudges her lightly. "Lexa's the best, trust me." 

 

"Yeah she should be, the amount of times she goes to those batting cages." Luna comments which catches Clarke's attention. 

 

"Batting cages?" Clarke asks. 

 

"That's where we met." Luna winks at the blonde when their conversation is silenced by a loud sound of metal hitting something. They all stare as the ball zooms straight up and across the field and Lexa begins running. The team explode into cheers but it's pretty obvious the brunette is going to make it - not that that stops her from sprinting. 

 

"When did you meet?" Clarke asks and Luna looks at her. 

 

"When she was a junior in high school and she was having girl trouble." Luna says and Clarke rolls her eyes. "Lexa really loved you back then." Luna says shaking her head and sipping her beer. 

 

"I loved her too." Clarke mumbles and, if she's completely honest, she still did. 

 

"You're talking about it in the past tense," Luna notes. "but I get the sense that you're thinking about the future." Raven bursts out laughing as Lexa cartwheels past the last base, flipping off her sister who returns the gesture in announce. 

 

"Luna, you're up." Raven says pushing the girl towards the bat that lay on the ground beside Monroe. Luna looks at Clarke one last time before walking away laying her beer in a safe place. Lexa gets back, panting like crazy with a wild grin on her face. 

 

"I forgot how much I loved sport." She comments. "You know, I played in high school," at the look of confusion on Clarke's face Lexa shrugs. "senior year," She explains and Clarke nods. "but after that it's like team sports games just vanish and that's sad." 

 

"Here." Wells hands Lexa a beer and the brunette smiles gratefully downing it quickly. "You were good out there." Wells comments and Lexa nods her head. 

 

"Thanks." She replies. Clarke observes them carefully before Raven's pushing her towards the bat on the ground - Clarke hadn't even realised that Luna had gotten all the way around. 

 

Clarke nervously approaches the bat and picks it up. She glances around and watches as Wells and Lexa talk to each other. All things considered, they seemed to be getting along pretty well. She brings the bat up and Anya throws causing Clarke to yelp at the speed of the ball. "Strike one!" Monroe yells and Clarke curses. She pushes the helmet up slightly, that Bellamy had shoved on her head before she had stepped up, and focuses more. Anya throws another ball which Clarke swings for but misses. "Strike two!" Monroe yells. Clarke swallows nervously. 

 

"Wait!" That's Lexa's voice. "Time out!" She calls jogging over to Clarke. She stops just beside her and Anya rolls her eyes in irritation. "Hey," Lexa says with a smile. "take a deep breath and concentrate." Lexa says gently. "Stop panicking, the ball will not hit you and, even if it does, I promise it doesn't hurt." Lexa says. "Here." Lexa puts her hands over Clarke's, standing behind her as she angles her into the perfect position. Clarke's breath hitches in her throat as Lexa explains to her what she has to do - she's far too distracted by Lexa's warm body pressed to her side. 

 

They lose themselves for a second, as Lexa pauses and Clarke's eyes catch on those beautiful green ones beside her, before Lexa clears her throat. "You got it?" Lexa asks and Clarke nods, her heart beating out of her chest from the closeness of it all. Lexa steps away and gestures for Anya to continue while walking away. Clarke licks her lips and concretes on Anya. She takes a deep breath and holds it as the ball fires towards her. Everything seems to move in slow motion and, before Clarke even registers what is happening, there's a sharp  _ clink  _ as the ball hits the bat. 

 

Clarke's eyes widen in shock and she turns to face her teammates in victory. "Did you see  _ that _ ?" Clarke yells. "I hit it! I  _ actually  _ hit it!" Clarke says excitedly and Lexa finds herself smiling at the sight. 

 

"Clarke." Lexa says and the blonde looks at her curiously. "You gotta run." She reminds the blonde. Clarke frowns before her eyes widen and she drops the bat running for her life. Lexa smiles softly at the blonde's enthusiasm and smiles even more when she makes it home. 

 

"Suck on that!" Clarke yells and Anya groans - Lexa had the good team apparently. 

 

"Watch how a real pro does it." Bellamy brags shoving his shaggy hair beneath his helmet. 

 

"Shut up Blake." Lexa says shoving him and he chuckles jogging to pick up the bat. 

 

"Did you see that?" Clarke asks again still a little breathless. "I actually hit it! Wells? Raven? Lexa?" Clarke asks giddy and the brunette chuckles. 

 

"We saw Clarke." Wells says and Lexa shakes her head in amusement. She catches Luna staring at her and the woman gives her a disapproving look which Lexa gives her a confused one in return - Lexa doesn't see it but Luna sure does. 

 

"I'm excited to see what Wells here has up his sleeve." Lexa says. Wells laughs nodding his head in amusement. Bellamy rounds the last base and removes his shirt, showing off his abs and waving it around in victory. 

 

"Put your shirt on Bellamy! No one wants to see that!" Raven says fake vomiting. 

 

"I do!" Murphy yells from one of the bases and Lexa laughs. Bellamy winks at him and blows him a kiss which causes the other players to gag. 

 

"Alright, I'm up." Raven says. "Lex, you're running for me." 

 

"Of course I am." Lexa says. It made the most sense, aside from maybe Bellamy, Lexa was the most physically fit on their team, and the fastest runner thanks to her slim frame and determination to win. 

 

"Let's destroy these fools." Raven says with a sly grin - Lexa was more than happy with her choice for a team. 

 

The friends play well into the night, teasing and having fun with one another. Lexa's team ends up winning and to celebrate she's hoisted up onto  their shoulders, mainly because of Bellamy, and carried around the field as they all cheer. Tonight couldn't get any better. 

 

Once Lexa's safely back on two feet, she approaches Clarke who was standing off to one side. The brunette picks up her jacket and lays it on the blonde's shoulders seeing that she was cold. "I'm curious," Clarke says. "what did your chief mean when he said that old habits die hard?" She asks. Lexa shrugs, she couldn't tell Clarke about their plan, not only was that stupid, or that it could jeopardise their whole investigation, but Clarke would not like to hear that ‘gangster Lexa’ was making a return. 

 

"I don't know." Lexa says quietly. "Fresh start remember?" Lexa asks and the blonde smiles nodding her head. "It's been a long night, how about you go home and get some sleep?" 

 

"Sleep is for the weak." Clarke scoffs and Lexa lets out a breathy laugh. 

 

"Maybe, but you're a little tipsy from all the beer you've drank so sleep, in this sense, is probably the best thing for you." 

 

" _ Or _ ..." Clarke says suggestively and she gets what Clarke's implying but she can't accept that offer - not right now at least, not when Clarke is drunk. 

 

" _ Sleep _ ." Lexa says signalling Wells over who gives her a small nod in understanding. It was probably best Wells took her home in case Lexa did something really stupid. Wells takes the blonde by the arm and Clarke looks at Lexa with wide eyes. "Go with Wells, he'll make sure you're safe." Lexa says softly. She trusted Wells, her preconceived ideas before had been based on irrational jealousy, the guy was, arguably, pretty down to earth and Clarke seemed to enjoy his company. 

 

"Your jacket." Clarke says only after taking a few steps away from Lexa. 

 

"Keep it." Lexa says before offering Clarke a small smile. "It looks better on you anyway." She adds. She watches as the blonde walks away, drunkenly babbling to Wells about something. The field had pretty much cleared out leaving only Anya and Raven standing there once Clarke and Wells had left. "Raven." Lexa says joining them as they pack up the gear. "You need to move out for a few days." Raven didn't need an explanation because she already knew, she knew that whole scene in the bar had been for show and she knew that, whatever the young detective had to do, involved going undercover in some way. "I can't have you in the apartment, it's too unsafe." 

 

"Lex," Raven sighs, glancing over at Anya who was busy packing away empty beer bottles to throw out. "I get it, but please, for the love of God, be careful because if you die, I will personally kill you." 

 

"That made no sense." Lexa says with a smirk. 

 

"I mean it, I'll raise your body with some shady-ass ritual and then kill you just to show you how pissed I am." Raven says and Lexa laughs. "Seriously, don't die." 

 

"Do you  _ care  _ about me?" Lexa teases. 

 

"No, you just happen to make nice mac and cheese." Raven says and Lexa gives her a look. "Yes, fine, I care about you, now stop being an asshole will you?" 

 

“Hug?" Lexa asks and Raven rolls her eyes, shoving the brunette away before pulling her in for a hug.  

 

"Be careful." Raven whispers into her ear one last time and Lexa sighs. She couldn't make any promises but she would certainly try.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Let me know what you think of this chapter! My favourite part to write was the baseball part because they're all so fluffy and happy. Next chapter things start happening with Lexa and Clexa so I'll see you asap with a new update hopefully soon :) Thank you for all the comment and kudos from last chapter - I love them all so much.


	29. Lexa Freaking Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's a date." Lexa says with a wink before walking away. Clarke stands with her back to Lexa for a moment, blinking in confusion, before she whirls around in the direction that Lexa had took off in. 
> 
> "It's not a date!" Clarke calls after her and Lexa laughs, looking over shoulder, she gives Clarke one of her best smirks. 
> 
> "Whatever you say sunshine!" She calls back before disappearing around the corner.
> 
> Or, Lexa proves her worth to Azgeda, meets a smol boy and confessions are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually pretty fun to write, it's almost healing, these two are finally talking things out, resolving problems, getting things done, and... I don't want to say anything until you've read the chapter so I'll just shut up. Anyway, sorry for the slow update but I have this fic, and then I have 'Till Death Do Us Part', which is like a ray of sunshine compared to this stormy fic, and then I'm also currently writing another fic as well called 'When The Sky Finally Meets The Ground' so updates are generally slow so I'm sorry about that! Anyway, without further ado, enjoy!
> 
> TW: Fighting and violence

Lexa exits her apartment building at around noon free of her badge and her holster. She was dressed in a white shirt, black skinny jeans and, of course, her big boots. Roan had messaged to tell Lexa that they could put their plan into motion right now and Lexa had reluctantly agreed. She wasn't exactly fond of the idea of going back, especially to Azgeda, sworn enemies of Trikru, and, even if Trikru didn't exist anymore, that didn't change the fact that Lexa still hated their guts. 

 

She wasn’t paying attention where she was going and accidentally bumps into someone's shoulder as she was passing by in a hurry. Lexa jumps, snapping out of her thoughts, and falls back, quite ungracefully, right onto her ass on the concrete sidewalk of her apartment building. Lexa looks up, ready to complain to whoever she had bumped into that they should watch where they're going, even if she had been the one who hadn't been watching, when she sees familiar blonde curls and blue eyes looking down at her with the biggest smirk possible on her face. "Lexa." Clarke greets and Lexa can tell she's holding back a laugh by the way her lips keep twitching. "How's the weather down there?" She teases. Lexa pushes herself up from the ground, accepting Clarke's offered hand, and then proceeds to dust herself down. "Where were you just now?" Clarke asks curiously and Lexa looks at her, pursing her lips in contemplation. 

 

"I was thinking about work." Lexa answers and Clarke nods her head in response, understanding completely. Lexa frowns at the material in Clarke's hands, recognising it as her leather jacket, and then Clarke stretches her hands out towards the brunette, shoving the material towards her. 

 

"I was on my way to work and I thought..." Clarke trails off and Lexa raises an eyebrow. "I thought you'd want this back." Lexa smiles at the blonde, accepting the jacket with a quiet thanks, and Clarke blushes slightly making Lexa raise both her eyebrows in question. She slips the jacket onto her shoulders, and lets out a sigh of content at feeling the familiar weight and coolness of the material, and Clarke chuckles at the sight. 

 

"What?" Lexa asks curiously and Clarke shrugs her shoulders, brushing the shoulder of the leather jacket to get rid of a speck of dust that was there. 

 

"It's just..." Clarke stares at Lexa for a moment, her hand slowly retracting from the brunette's shoulder and coming to rest by her own side again. "This reminds me of high school." Clarke confesses. "You in your leather jacket and, me giving it back to you when you gave it to me that one time." 

 

"The only difference now is that I'm older," Lexa says with a smile. "I've grown." 

 

"If you say so." Clarke says lightly. "You may have won last night but if you'd lost I'm sure you would've been acting just like a sulking teenager." Lexa laughs, nodding her head in agreement, because, yeah, she probably would have been a huge sore loser. "I was thinking," Clarke begins. "I don't really know what happened the last six years in your life, and you don't know what happened in mine, so, I was thinking, maybe we could get together and talk about it?" 

 

"Are you asking me out on a date Clarke?" Lexa asks with a grin tugging at one corner of her lips and Clarke bristles, becoming immediately flustered by the question and amusing Lexa further. 

 

"Well, no, I mean, I'm not asking you on a date, just kind of like a get together." Clarke says and Lexa lets out a breathy laugh. 

 

"I'd love to." Lexa answers. "But I really should get going, I have work to do." 

 

"I thought you got suspended?" Clarke asks suspiciously and Lexa falters for a moment, silently cursing herself for being so dumb. 

 

"Yeah." Lexa replies. "I can still do paper work though. It's boring but it's something." Lexa lies smoothly and Clarke nods her head. Lexa sighs and rubs the back of her neck nervously for a moment, she hated having to lie to Clarke, maybe she could just tell her, it was unlikely that Clarke would tell anyone else and she could keep a secret, she'd kept plenty of Lexa's in the past, Clarke may not trust Lexa but Lexa still trusted Clarke and she probably always would. 

 

"Well how's  tomorrow at seven?" Clarke asks referring to their ‘get together’ and Lexa nods her head in confirmation. She leans forward and plants a lingering kiss on the blonde's cheek, satisfied when she hears Clarke's breath hitch in her throat. 

 

"It's a date." Lexa says with a wink before walking away. Clarke stands with her back to Lexa for a moment, blinking in confusion, before she whirls around in the direction that Lexa had took off in. 

 

"It's not a date!" Clarke calls after her and Lexa laughs, looking over shoulder, she gives Clarke one of her best smirks. 

 

"Whatever you say sunshine!" She calls back before disappearing around the corner. Clarke lets out a huff of breath, she wasn't sure if she was more annoyed, exasperated or excited with Lexa but, if the fluttering in her stomach was anything to go by, she was definitely looking forward to it - plus Lexa had called her sunshine, that was a blast from the past. 

 

Lexa Woods. Lexa,  _ freaking _ , Woods. Clarke has no idea what it is about her but there's no way she can live in Arkadia and not have their lives intertwined, even when she had been gone, Lexa had always been apart of her life, it was a little ridiculous if she was honest, Lexa was always there,  _ always _ , and she wasn't sure that she ever really wanted that to change. Lexa Woods would be the death of Clarke Griffin and the worst part? Clarke wasn't even sure if that was the worst thing in the world. 

 

**//**

 

Lexa had to walk to her meeting place with Roan, which was on the other side of town, which, frankly, sucked but she didn't want to bring her bike, and she couldn't involve anyone else, so she had to suck it up and just walk - it'd probably do her good, not that she really needed the exercise, but her mind was plagued by her interaction with Clarke.  _ They were going on a date right? Clarke said it wasn't but it was, it totally was, wasn't it? _ Lexa had been stuck going around in this circle for the entirety of her walk: was it a date, was it not? It was  _ something,  _ that was for damn sure, and Lexa had a real chance here to show Clarke the new and improved Lexa, Lexa 2.0 if you will, and she sure as hell wasn't going to throw that chance away because of a little uncertainty. 

 

She shoves her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket and turns down an alleyway in an almost deserted street. She sees Roan leaning against one of the walls beside a metal door and Lexa takes a deep breath. This was it, this was what Lexa had come to do, inside that door were probably members of Azgeda, and probably Ontari, which meant that Lexa would have to make her case, with support from Roan of course, and try to convince them that she could be trusted, or, at least, semi trusted, which shouldn't be that hard... except she'd killed their leader once upon a time and was a pretty well known detective, which didn't exactly scream trustworthy, but, if Lexa's learned anything in her life it's that, she's an amazing liar and  even better at thinking on her feet when it comes to these kind of things. 

 

Roan looks quite laid back for someone who's about to introduce an ex Trikru, ex detective into his fold but Lexa supposes that’s because Roan is just like her, built like her, to lie through his teeth and keep a cool appearance throughout. He stands up when he notices Lexa approaching, kicking off of the wall and crossing his arms across his chest. "Quite a show last night in that bar." Roan says with a smirk. "You're lucky there was some well placed Azgeda members there who like to gossip." He says, obviously sarcastic, and Lexa rolls her eyes at him. 

 

That had been apart of the plan, the hope had been that the members that had been in Anya's bar would let the word of Lexa's suspension, and the crookedness of it all, spread like wildfire through the Azgeda folds and it appeared as though it had worked. "Yeah," Lexa says sarcastically. "lucky." She says and Roan laughs. 

 

"You ready?" He asks, stepping in front of the metal door. Lexa comes to stand beside him and shrugs her shoulders, staring straight ahead at the door like it had personally offended her. 

 

"As I'll ever be." Lexa replies. Roan knocks on the door three times and then waits. A little slice in the door opens and a pair of steely grey eyes stare back at them for a moment before the opening is slammed shut and the sound of the door being unlocked could be heard. Lexa almost found the whole thing totally ridiculous.  _ Azgeda, they're so dramatic. _

 

The door opens and Roan steps inside first and then Lexa follows while eyeing the muscled guard at the door with a little nervous energy. He was huge, almost Lincoln sized, and way too intimidating for just door duty - Azgeda were useless when it came to positioning their people it seemed. Roan leads her through different hallways and Lexa clenches her fists inside of her leather jacket, she hadn't brought any weapons, though she did have her old penknife with her, she'd gotten it back after her case had been declared self defense, and the pen knife was the only thing Lexa had, besides her leather jacket, that tied her to her past life and the wrongs she had done and the mistakes she had made. 

 

They step into a large room that has a long table in the centre scattered with paper and plans, there are members of Azgeda scattered up and down the table but Lexa's eyes catch immediately on Ontari, who is at the head of the table, playing absentmindedly with a knife while the room around her talk quietly. All talking ceases when Roan and Lexa enter the room. "Ah, Lexa, how nice of you to join us." Ontari drawls without even looking up from what she was doing. Lexa knows that Roan must have told them that she was coming, no way he would just walk her blindly into Azgeda operations without giving them a heads up, but she still wasn't feeling very welcome. 

 

"What?" Lexa asks stepping past Roan and into the room. "No party?" Lexa asks sarcastically and Ontari looks up at her then, her eyes narrowed a little at her. "I mean, I know your gang is called the Ice Nation, or whatever, but this welcome party is below sub zero." Lexa knows that she probably shouldn’t be doing her sarcastic act right now but she just can't help it, her sarcasm allows her her to break the ice,  _ literally _ , because this room is freezing and Azgeda have clearly never heard of a warm welcoming. 

 

Lexa notices Costia standing off to one side who's silently laughing to herself and she's glad she broke through to at least someone. The surrounding Azgeda members shift on their feet and Ontari simply rolls her eyes. "Why would I welcome someone who got me thrown in jail?" Ontari fires back and Lexa groans. 

 

"Come on Ri, that was like a million years ago and, to be fair, you probably shouldn't have-" 

 

" _ Okay _ !" Roan steps forward, before Lexa could say another word, because she was heading for dangerous territory there and insulting Ontari was probably not the best way of getting Azgeda to like her. "We should welcome her because she's ex Trikru," the room lets out groans and grumbles at that and Lexa just smiles confidently. "and she can help us expand our business further." 

 

"She's also an ex detective." Ontari points out. "How do we not know that she's not wearing a wire or something?" 

 

"If you wanted to see me shirtless, you could've just asked." Lexa retorts and Ontari clenches her fist in annoyance. Roan clears his throat and gives Lexa a subtle glare, which she rolls her eyes at, before Lexa removes her jacket and throws it at Ontari. "Check my pockets your highness." Lexa says dryly before pulling her shirt over her head. She was wearing a sports bra, thank god, so no one was really getting a show and Lexa was confident in her own skin so that was a problem. She turns around dramatically, making a show of herself, then digs her hands into her pants pockets and pulls them out, inside out, to show she had nothing in them. She then kicks off her boots and tips them upside down to show there was nothing inside of them. 

 

"There." Lexa states, pulling her shirt back on. The Azgeda members were staring at her in shock but Lexa didn't much care about them, if she was honest, this was about convincing Ontari more than anything because if she accepted Lexa then the rest would follow - that's what they all did. She slips her boots back on and Ontai holds her jacket out for Lexa to take back. Lexa eyes her carefully, lifting her chin in silent challenge, before stepping forward beside Ontari and taking her leather jacket. 

 

"You killed Nia." Ontari spits, releasing the jacket, and Lexa narrows her eyes at the girl. 

 

"She tried to kill me first." Lexa returns, her voice just as low, just as threatening, as Ontari's. What happens next surprised Lexa to no end, she could've made a list of the things she thought might’ve happened when she entered that place, maybe some fighting, some bloodshed, yelling, punching, you name it, but what Lexa had never thought would happen is that Ontari Queen would smile at her. Lexa's eyes widen uncontrollably because the sight of pearly white sharp teeth flashing at her is almost unbelievable and she doesn't believe that this is real.  _ Is Ontari Queen really smiling at her? _

 

"Yeah." Ontari says, twisting to face Lexa. "I heard that too." She admits. "Nia always did have a thing about you, I mean, I didn't get it, Roan didn't either, but she hated your damn guts." 

 

"I'm aware." Lexa says dryly. 

 

"I liked you you know, until you got me arrested, you were fun Lexa, the all mighty Lexa Woods, descendent of the leaders of Trikru, you scared the shit out of pretty much everyone." Ontari observes her for a moment before an evil smirk pulls at her lips. "Oh how the mighty have fallen." Lexa clenches her jaw at those words. She wants to protest, to say she's still tough, that she's still pretty fucking scary, but anything short of  _ ‘Nuh uh!’ _ will just fall flat, and make her sound childish, and Lexa knows that's what the girl is trying to do. 

 

"I came here to offer my extensive knowledge and supreme services  _ but,  _ if you'd like someone else, then go ahead." Lexa replies cooly and Ontari gives her an applicative look. So far, Lexa had to admit, Ontari didn't seem all that bad, yeah, she was a little bit of a bitch and, yeah, she probably had a grudge, but she didn't seem outwardly evil, not like a Disney movie villain anyway, but Lexa's a cop, and her duty to protect the city she lives in comes first, she can't go thinking Azgeda are loyal to her because  _ they're not _ . 

 

"Fine." Ontari gives in. "Welcome to Azgeda." She says with a shrug before she scrunches her nose up. "No, wait." She says. "No, I think you need to prove your worth." Ontari states and Lexa raises her eyebrows at the girl. 

 

"Prove my worth?" Lexa asks with confusion. "Did you not just see me shirtless?" Lexa grins when she hears a few muffled snickers at her comment and Ontari rolls her eyes at the woman in front of her who was far too cocky for her own good. 

 

"You fight." Ontari says crossing her arms across her chest and Lexa shakes her head, her brow furrowing, as she gives the girl another look of confusion. 

 

"Ontari." Roan says cautiously and Lexa knows that whatever Ontari is suggesting must be pretty serious if he's not certain about it. 

 

"She's a fighter, right Lex?" Ontari asks and there's an edge to her voice that makes Lexa give pause. "You could hold your own inside of a ring." 

 

"Are we talking about what I think we're talking about?" Lexa asks raising an eyebrow. Ontari gives her a subtle nod and Lexa bites her tongue. "A fight club,  _ really _ ?" Lexa hadn't expected that, to be fair, she had no idea that the Azgeda were running a secret underground fight club and she wonders why no one has turned up dead yet to cause any suspicion to rise, it must be pretty secretive if this is the first that Lexa's hearing of it, plus finding an illegal underground fight club on her first day of being undercover was quite the accomplishment. Lexa was strong, she'd fought plenty of people in the past, she was pretty much undefeated in everyone she fought, of course, there were limitations, but she was confident that she could hold her own. 

 

"Fine." Lexa says nonchalantly. "I'll show you what a real fight looks like." Lexa says with a cocky grin. The surrounding members let out a round of cheers and ‘ _ Ohhhs _ ’ at Lexa's words because she kind of was a legend among Trikru, and Azgeda, for her fighting skills and her ability to practically win everyone she fought with. 

 

"Very well." Ontari says. "You win, you're welcomed to Azgeda, you lose, well, you probably don't want to lose." Lexa wasn't even sure if you could lose in this kind of thing.  _ Wouldn't losing just mean she was dead? _ The threat of losing though didn't really worry Lexa because, if it came down to it, Roan would help her, at least, she  _ hoped  _ Roan would help her. 

 

Ontari walks past her, clicking her fingers and dismissing the meeting, and Lexa raises an eyebrow at the action - for someone who wasn't officially in charge, she sure had a lot of people who listened to her commands. The room empties until it's only Roan and Costia left inside and Roan steps towards Lexa with a serious expression. "Lexa, this is a bad idea." Roan says and, if Lexa didn't know any better, she'd say that he almost sounded concerned for her safety. 

 

"Relax," Lexa says dismissively. "you have nothing to worry about." 

 

"Lexa-" Roan begins again but Lexa cuts him off by raising her hand to silence him. 

 

"Shh." She shushes and he scowls at her. "Now take me to your top secret fight club so I can kick some ass and become apart of Azgeda."

 

**//**

 

Lexa really thought she was done with this shit but, apparently, things had a way of circling right back around. The thrum of energy as she enters the underground fight club is off the charts insane and she feels her body already buzzing with energy. She glances at Roan, who looked nervous as ever, and, if Lexa didn't know any better, she'd say that he almost looked like he cared about what was going to happen to her. 

 

She removes her leather jacket, and hands it to Roan, and then she kicks off her shoes and socks so she's only in a white t-shirt and tight jeans. She rolls her shoulder and her head and cracks her knuckles, taking a deep breath to warm up. "We have a very special guest for you tonight!" Someone begins talking through a microphone and Lexa tries to see through the crowd, but she's unable to, though she’s pretty sure that it’s Ontari talking. "This girl has come a long way to show us that she's worthy of being Azgeda." Her voice rings out and the surrounding people hit their chests and cheer. 

 

Lexa rolls her eyes, this was why she hated Azgeda, you wouldn't catch Trikru dead with a secret underground fight club, it was a little too barbaric for their tastes, but Azgeda had no problems with brutality. "Lexa kom Trikru is here for you tonight." The crowd turn around and, suddenly, Lexa feels exposed, she felt like she was having one of those dreams where you’re naked in front of your class, and she smiles nervously, offering a little wave in greeting. The surrounding Azgeda just stare at her, though Lexa's thankful they don't seem to be sneering or wanting to kill her, at least, not on the surface, which she supposed is a good thing. 

 

"Alright!" Ontari calls causing everyone's attention to turn back to her. "You know the rules, you don't stop until one person is out, no killing," Lexa breathes a sigh of relief at that rule. "and no weapons." The energy is back and the crowd cheer in excitement and, what Lexa is sure is, bloodthirsty attitudes. "Let's begin!" Ontari yells. "Weighing in at 121 pounds," Lexa didn't know how they knew that but she decided to just go with it. "ex Trikru member, ex detective, a lean mean fighting machine, Lexa Woods!" Ontari yells. 

 

Lexa makes her way through the crowd, who part automatically for her, she frowns at Ontari's description, though it wasn't really far off considering Lexa was lean, and she kind of was a fighting machine, but, still, Ontari almost didn't seem too...  _ bad _ ? Sure she had been skeptical, and suggested Lexa prove herself this way, but it was natural to be like that when accepting new people into a gang - Lexa probably would've done something similar once upon a time ago. 

 

She steps into the ring, which was basically just a stage in the centre of the room with no railings or anything, plus there were stains that Lexa didn't even want to think about how they were made. "Her opponent," Ontari says gripping Lexa by the shoulder and snapping her out of her anxious thoughts. "weighing in at 180 pounds, your reigning champion so far, Tristan Oak!" Ontari announces. Lexa's head snaps up at that, Tristan was her inside man, she knew him, which made this whole thing a lot better. 

 

He steps up shirtless, and only in a pair of trousers, his eyebrows raised. Ontari brings them together and makes them shake hands before grinning like an idiot and shouting  _ "Fight!" _ . Ontari is gone in a flash, and the microphone is pulled up out of the way, Lexa raises her fists immediately, in a defensive position, before looking at Tristan who mirrors her stance. "What are you doing here?" He hisses and Lexa grins at him. 

 

"Nice to see you too Tristan." Lexa replies. He gives her an unimpressed look as they dance around one another, the crowd booing that no one had thrown a punch yet. 

 

"Lexa." He says warningly and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"We've got to make this look real." Is Lexa's only response and Tristan nods his head. 

 

"Fine but don't blame me when your pretty face is all messed up." He says and Lexa laughs. 

 

"Pretty?" She asks teasingly and Tristan blushes a little. "Don't hold back big guy." Lexa says and Tristan gives her a look. 

 

"I won't." Are his lasts words before his fist is flying towards Lexa's face. Lexa's eyes widen but she manages to duck beneath his fist and sock him right in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to keel over in pain, she then brings her hands down onto his exposed back and Tristan collapses to the ground immediately. Lexa proceeds to kick in the ribs, once, twice, three times, when he brings his hand out on the fourth and catches Lexa's foot. Lexa barely has a minute to think  _ ‘Uh oh’ _ before her feet are being pulled out from under her and her head's hitting the ground with a loud thump from the stage. 

 

Lexa's vision blurs for a second, and she's left dizzy and distributed, when she sees a fist flying towards her face, she quickly rolls out of the way while hearing the sound of the fist connecting with the floor with a sickening crunch -  _ she was really glad that wasn't her face. _ Tristan pulls back his hand immediately and Lexa uses that moment to scramble to her feet, shaking off her stiffness and head injury. Tristan really wasn't holding back which, Lexa supposed, was good because that meant that it'd look believable. 

 

He surges forward and, this time, Lexa's too slow to move out of the way of Tristan's fist, he hits her square on the jaw and Lexa's head snaps to the side from the impact. "Son of a-" Lexa doesn't get to finish her curse because Tristan's coming at her again and this time Lexa feels her instincts kick in. It's like something inside of her wakes up, Lexa was hot wired for this kind of thing, and all it took was a well placed punch to remind her of that. 

 

She avoids Tristan and steps out the way, pouncing on his back when he has it turned to her. Lexa wraps her arms tightly around his neck, cutting off his oxygen, and the crowd around them goes crazy as Tristan claws at Lexa's arms to release her but her grip only tightens. Eventually, Tristan gives up trying to pry Lexa off of him and simply just falls backwards, slamming the brunette against the ground and knocking the air right of her lungs. 

 

He lands awkwardly on her ankle, which draws a cry of pain from the brunette, and Tristan rolls off of her, coughing and spluttering after he finally gets the air he had been deprived of. Lexa's back on her feet in an instant, regaining her breath and cursing Tristian for injuring her foot - at least it was her left. She limps over to the brute, who was on his hands and knees still trying to recover from Lexa's assault, when he feels her grab him by the hair and push him down to the ground. She then sits on top of him and brings her fists down repeatedly onto his face until her knuckles are bloody and he's unconscious from the blows. 

 

Lexa rolls off of him, and lies flat on the ground, before standing to see the Azgeda surrounding her staring in disbelief. Ontari jumps on the stage and holds up Lexa's arm. " _ Winner _ !" She yells and Lexa revels in the cheers she gets. She takes a moment to just gather herself, there was throbbing in her ankle, and at the back of her head, and where Tristan had punched her on the jaw, Lexa was certain she was bruised with maybe a little blood at the corner of her mouth but, all in all, she was still in one piece and that's what really mattered. "Who's next?" Ontari asks and Lexa inwardly groans. She wasn't sure how long she could fight like this for.

 

**//**

It turns out that Lexa could only fight like that for five more rounds. On her fifth fight Ontari brought out the big guns - and by the  _ big guns _ Lexa means the really big guys with huge muscles and with easily a foot on her height. She was already beaten and bruised, bleeding and tired, from fighting her other fights that she almost passed out from the mere sight of the man. 

 

Something had caught Lexa's eyes though, there was a kid at the front of the crowd, he looked quite young, maybe about thirteen or fourteen, he had blonde hair and blue eyes and the way he looked up at her was enough to keep Lexa fighting, she didn't even know this kid and she was fighting for him, except Lexa couldn't fight anymore. Her movements were sluggish, maybe from blood loss, possibly from being hit multiple times, Lexa wasn’t sure, she hadn't felt this bad since she was tortured at the age of seventeen after giving herself up to keep Anya safe. 

 

The man grabs the front of Lexa's shirt and she grunts in surprise, looking at the hands that were fisting the fabric of her shirt. "Uh," Lexa says. "dude, do you think you could maybe just let me win?" Lexa asks and the man turns his head to the side, his face an emotionless mask. "Didn't think so." Lexa mutters. She brings her knee up and slams it right into his groin and the guy immediately yelps and falls to the floor and the audience let out a pained gasp at Lexa's actions. Lexa rolls her eyes at how easy that had been when her ankle is gripped and she's dragged to the ground forcefully. 

 

She slams into the ground, the audience wincing at the sound of the impact, and the man, who she had previously kneed in the groin, stands to his feet. He kicks Lexa in her stomach and then her back, alternating between them, before grabbing her by the front of her shirt again and slamming her down harshly. Lexa lets out a gasp of pain and the man punches her in the face at least five times, blurring Lexa's vision and causing her to spit out dark red blood. 

 

The man above her pulls his fist back again, lifting Lexa up slightly by her shirt, and Lexa was pretty certain this was how she was going to die - there was no escaping this. " _ Stop _ !" A voice cuts through the roar of the crowd and halts the man immediately. The audience immediately shut up which makes Lexa believe that whoever had spoke out was of some kind of importance. "Release her." The voice says and now that the ringing in Lexa's ears has ceased a little she's pretty sure that voice is Roan's. 

 

The man hesitates, before he drops Lexa to the ground, standing up off of her and leaving her lying there in her own blood. "Roan." Someone growls at the man and climbs onto the stage. "What the hell are you doing?" 

 

"She's proved her worth." Roan spits. 

 

"I knew you were turning soft." That was Ontari, Lexa realsies, she looks at the pair as Roan clenches his fists before crossing his arms, taking on a strong and commanding stance. 

 

"Huh." Lexa chuckles before she's spitting out more blood. 

 

"Lexa is ex Trikru." Roan states while the surrounding Azgeda look at the beaten girl on the ground. "She was only seventeen and she was practically running their operations, she knows her shit, she's the best goddamn asset that I've got right now and you're beating the shit out of her." Roan says glaring at Ontari - it seems to work as the girl shrinks back from his stern look. "So yes, I'm stopping this, not because I’m turning  _ soft  _ but, because, right now, she's more useful to me alive than she is dead." He states. The surrounding Azgeda don't say anything but Lexa can tell that they're all in silent agreement. 

 

It was true, Lexa was the best of the best when it came to organised crime, she did know her way around the streets better than anyone else, she was a model asset, a fake one, but still a pretty damn good one. "No killing, rule number two." Lexa mutters sarcastically. Ontari looks down at her and lets out a sigh of annoyance. 

 

"Now clear the hell out of here." Roan orders. The Azgeda members begin walking out, with Ontari holding Roan's gaze for a little longer before reluctantly doing the same. Roan crouches beside Lexa and the girl smiles up at him. 

 

"You sure took your time." Lexa says and Roan shakes his head, placing Lexa's belongings, that she had handed to him, down beside her. 

 

"We need to get you to a hospital." Roan says and Lexa groans. 

 

"No, no hospital." She complains. Hospital meant Clarke which meant coming up with some kind of excuse as to why she was bloody and beaten. 

 

"You're going to hospital Lexa." Roan says leaving no room for argument. 

 

"Sir?" Roan looks to his right at the new voice and Lexa groans, closing her eyes for a second. 

 

"Aden." Roan sighs in relief. "Can you watch Lexa while I go get some transportation ready for us please?" Roan asks. The blonde haired boy nods his head and Roan stands, leaving Lexa lying there. The boy climbs onto the stage, avoiding the fresh blood on its surface, and sits down cross legged at Lexa's head. The brunette opens her eyes and looks to her right at the boy. 

 

"Hey kid." She greets. "What are you doing here?" She asks curiously. The boy doesn't reply, he just remains silent, staring at ground, rather than Lexa. "Where's your parents?" Lexa questions. The boy doesn't reply right away, he plays with his fingers nervously before shrugging his shoulders. 

 

"They're dead." He answers quietly. Lexa gives him a sympathetic look. 

 

"Yeah, I know what that's like." Lexa felt for the kid, she really did, he had been raised in this environment just like she had been. Sometimes, when you're that young, this is all you've ever known and sometimes you want nothing more than to escape from it. 

 

"You do?" He asks now looking at Lexa. 

 

"I was about your age when I lost my parents." Lexa admits. "Foul play." She says shaking her head. "You look like a brave kid, what's your name?" 

 

"Aden." He answers and Lexa smiles. 

 

"Strong name for a strong man." Lexa replies and the boy smiles brightly at her. "Tell me something Aden, do you want to be apart of this?" Lexa asks. 

 

"Of Azgeda?" He asks confused by Lexa's words. Lexa nods her head, swallowing hard, trying to ignore the burning in her throat from when one of her opponents had strangled her. "I don't know." He says then pauses for a moment. "I want to help people." He says honestly and Lexa smiles. 

 

"Like being a doctor?" She asks and he nods his head with a glint in his eyes as the though that really resonated with him. "I know a doctor." 

 

"You do?" Aden asks excitedly and Lexa smiles now with the thought of the blonde haired doctor. 

 

"Yes I do." Lexa replies. "She's one of the best doctors I know, she has blonde hair and blue eyes, just like you, and she likes to fix people even when that person may not deserve to be fixed." Lexa says. 

 

"You love her." Aden states it, he doesn't question it, and Lexa looks up at him. Right now, aching, bruised, beaten and bloody, Lexa didn't have the energy to lie, or deny it, so she nods her head in agreement. The boy smiles happily and Lexa takes a deep breath. 

 

"You can meet her?" Lexa suggests. "If you're serious about being a doctor I mean." She adds. "You don't have to have this life Aden." The boy stands up, leaving the room for a moment, and Lexa wonders if maybe she'd said too much. She sits up right, groaning from the effort, and grabs her shoes, socks and jacket, dressing herself slowly and carefully when the boy returns holding a rag and some water in a bowl. 

 

He comes back beside Lexa and she allows the boy to clean her face. "Can't have you looking like that when we go to meet the doctor that you're in love with." He comments and Lexa chuckles and then immediately winces in pain from the sudden movement. 

 

"I suppose we can't." Lexa murmurs as Aden continues cleaning her face, wiping away the blood there. 

 

"How come you..." Aden hesitates for a moment, almost like he wasn't sure he should say what he was thinking, before he continues again. "How come you like girls?" He asks. Lexa laughs again, wincing at the movement, and sits up taller. Aden gets rid of the rag, looking at Lexa curiously, and she considers it for a moment. 

 

"Well," Lexa shrugs. "have you seen girls?" She asks and Aden nods his head slowly. "What's not to like?" She asks and the boy doesn't react for a moment before he breaks out into a goofy smile probably imagining some crush he had. "They're pretty, and smart, and they  _ smell  _ pretty good too." She says and Aden laughs at her. 

 

"You're pretty." He comments and Lexa grins. 

 

"Why thank you kind sir, and you're handsome." She says which earns her a blush from the kid. She liked Aden, he reminded her of Clarke, what with his gentle caring nature, and he seemed too precious to be in Azgeda. 

 

"What's your favourite thing about girls?" Aden asks curiously and Lexa considers her answer for a moment. 

 

"How soft they are." Lexa admits. "They're just so soft, you know, their skin, their hair, everything is just so soft." Lexa was  _ not  _ imagining running her hands along Clarke's skin when they had made love, she was  _ not  _ thinking about kissing the blonde's soft pink lips, or imagining tangling her fingers in her long blonde hair, she was  _ not  _ thinking about that at all because that would be totally inappropriate. 

 

"I like their smiles." Aden admits and Lexa snaps out of her daze. 

 

"Yeah, that's pretty great too." Lexa admits and Aden smiles happily, wiping away now at Lexa's knuckles that were coated in blood. Roan returns after Aden has done all he can do and he looks at Lexa in surprise - clearly he hadn't expected to see her looking so good. 

 

"You ready?" He asks and Lexa stands with help from both Roan and Aden. 

 

"As I'll ever be." Lexa mumbles but they don’t seem to hear her which she's thankful for. "Aden's tagging along too." Lexa states and Roan agrees - mainly because he was certain Lexa would refuse going without him. They carry her out towards the waiting car and Lexa was really not looking forward to explaining to Clarke as to why she was bruised and beaten.

 

**//**

 

When she enters the ER, supported by Roan on one side while Aden stood on the other side of her, she spots Clarke almost immediately -  _ so much for trying to avoid the blonde _ . Clarke is rushing towards them as soon as she sees them, her eyes lingering on Roan for a moment before she stares at Lexa in utter concern. "Lexa." Clarke says cupping her face with her hands while her eyes dart over the injuries that Lexa had sustained. 

 

"Ow." Lexa winces when Clarke's hand runs over a particularly tender spot which causes the doctor to furrow her brow in both confusion and concern. 

 

"What the hell happened to you?" Clarke asks stepping back slightly. 

 

"That's her." Aden states from Lexa's right. The brunette glances at him and gives him a stern look, a look that says ‘shut up’ without actually having to say the words, before she turns to face Clarke once again. Clarke sighs and gestures for the group to follow her into an examine room. 

 

Roan sits Lexa down on the bed there while Clarke pulls her stethoscope from around her neck to listen to Lexa's heart. "What happened?" Clarke repeats her question, listening to Lexa's breathing and slightly elevated heart rate. 

 

"A group of Azgeda got to me." Lexa answers - she wasn't exactly lying though she wasn’t telling the truth either. "They were doing something they shouldn't have been doing and I stepped in like the good detective I am." 

 

" _ You're suspended _ ." Clarke reminds her in disbelief. 

 

"So what was I supposed to do? Stand there and do nothing?" Lexa asks. Clarke shakes her head, both irritated and enamoured by the girl in front of her, she glances at the young boy and the man and Lexa sighs. "Roan, could you and Aden give us a minute?" Lexa asks, ignoring how Clarke's eyes widen. Despite the fact that Clarke knew who Roan was, she didn't know what he looked like. Lexa watches them leave and then looks back at Clarke expectantly, knowing that she had more to say. 

 

" _ Roan _ ?  _ Really _ ? Lexa,  _ he shot you _ !" Clarke says completely astounded by Lexa's stupidity. 

 

"Roan saved me today." Lexa replies. "I was losing and he pulled his guys back." Clarke just shakes her head and Lexa sighs exasperated. "Roan's a good guy, I know he shot me, but he had his reasons, and we've been working together for a while now." Lexa says as Clarke examines her face. She gestures for Lexa to remove her jacket and her shirt which Lexa obliges. 

 

Once she's shirtless, she feels a little exposed, especially when Clarke trails her fingers over her bruised ribs, the doctor sighs and gives Lexa a stern look. "I get that you were just trying to do your job but this was reckless Lexa. You could've been seriously hurt." Clarke almost sounds like she cares. Lexa offers her a smile to help comfort her and then groans as she pulls her shirt back on. "You need scans and-" 

 

"No way." Lexa says shaking her head. "I'm not putting on one of those ass-less gowns and I'm not staying. Just give me the green light and I'll be on my way." 

 

"You could have internal injuries." Clarke states her eyes hardening. "I'm your doctor and I'm telling you that you need those scans." 

 

"And I'm telling you no." Lexa retorts her eyes narrowing. Clarke sighs and runs a hand through her hair in frustration. 

 

"Does it hurt?" Clarke asks and Lexa hesitates, wondering how Clarke was going to play this, before she nods slowly and the blonde bites her lip. "I won't scan you but you have to stay here for a couple hours of observation and I'll administer some-" Clarke stops abruptly and Lexa raises an eyebrow. "I'll administer some morphine for the pain." She finishes. 

 

"Clarke," Lexa says. "you don't have to worry about that." They both know what Lexa was talking about but neither wants to say it. They had things for this kind of stuff anyway, Clarke would know exactly how much morphine to give her, and, besides, it was unlikely that Lexa would reform from a little morphine to help her pain. The blonde disappears out of the room and Lexa groans, pulling herself back up the bed, she settles against it waiting for Clarke to return. 

 

Clarke enters with the required equipment and a boy in tow that Lexa recognises as Aden. She smiles at the boy, and he returns it, Clarke catching the exchange with a small fond smile. Clarke always had the feeling that Lexa would be good with kids but now she was witnessing it first hand. 

 

Clarke unsheathes a needle and Lexa almost immediately pales at the sight - she's never been good with needles despite the fact that she's had knife fights, gun fights, even used a couple of needles here and there, but she just doesn't like them. Clarke laughs immediately, watching as Lexa's eyes widen and her face pales. "Aden," Clarke says with a sweet smile. "how about you hold Lexa's hand? Take her mind off the needle I’m about to place in her arm." 

 

"You're scared?" Aden asks, clearly surprised, he had watched Lexa fight pretty fearlessly only a few minutes ago. 

 

"Um," Lexa says nervously. She hated looking weak but Aden was just a kid so her immediate reaction of snapping at him and telling him that she wasn't afraid was rebuffed. "a little." She admits. Clarke wipes the inside of Lexa's arm first, a smile on her lips as Lexa's head snaps to look at what she was doing. Lexa jumps, when she feels a hand slip into her left hand, and she turns to see Aden holding her hand, a determined look in his eyes. It's almost too cute for Lexa to handle and she smiles at the kid in relief. 

 

"Alright," Clarke says glancing at the pair with a fond smile. "you'll feel a little scratch but, once it's in there, you should be okay." Clarke says. Lexa nods her head while keeping her eyes focused on Aden. The boy leans forward and whispers quietly into Lexa's ear so only she can hear. 

 

"She's pretty." Aden whispers and Lexa finds herself breaking out into a huge grin. "She also smells good, I know what you mean now." Lexa feels a sharp pain in her arm and she stays concentrated on Aden beside her. 

 

"You think I have a shot?" Lexa mutters. Aden glances over at Clarke, who had her tongue peeking out of her mouth in concentration, focusing on fixing the IV in place that was inserted into Lexa's arm, he then turns back to Lexa with a wide smile. 

 

"I think you do." He whispers and Lexa laughs drawing the attention of Clarke. 

 

"I hope you're not talking about me." Clarke says playfully, putting the appropriate amount of pain medication into Lexa's drip. The brunette turns to look at her and shakes her head. 

 

"Of course not." Lexa replies glancing down at her arm. "Didn't even hurt." She adds and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"Tell that to the tensing muscles I felt when I inserted the needle." Clarke jokes and Lexa scoffs. "You should rest." Clarke says seriously and Lexa did feel a little tired. She was beginning to rethink this whole undercover thing, maybe she could just bust Ontari the traditional surveillance way, or using Tristan, Lexa honesty didn't want to go back to that life, she'd had a very real taste of it again and she remembered all the reasons why she left. Gustus would understand, he would, and she could try getting Aden out of there. 

 

She looks at him and sighs, he was so hopeful, and, if Lexa did what Monty and Miller did for her, then maybe she could save him. Lexa no longer cared about Ontari, her mission now was Aden. Okay, maybe that wasn’t true. She was in now, she couldn’t just quit and give up, but she’d be damned if she left Aden there - he came first now. 

 

Lexa didn't even realise that her eyes were drooping until Aden is laughing and Clarke is helping Lexa into a less awkward position. "Aden wants to be a doctor." Lexa murmurs, already half asleep, her eyes closing. In a second, Lexa's out like a light and Clarke's chuckling at the sight. She can't help herself and leans over to place a soft kiss to Lexa's forehead just because she can. Aden watches the exchange, his eyebrows shooting up in shock, before he grins brightly. Clarke notices him again and bites her lip in thought for a moment. 

 

"How would you like a tour of the hospital while you wait for your..." Clarke trails off looking at Lexa wondering who this boy was to her. 

 

"She's my friend." A voice interrupts which surprised Clarke a little. "Lexa is my friend." He says, now sure of himself, and Clarke nods her head. 

 

"Well she's resting so how about I give you a very special tour?" Clarke suggests and Aden's face lights up in excitement. Clarke smiles and gestures for him to follow her, leaving Lexa to sleep on her own. 

 

**//**

 

When Clarke returns it's much later and Aden is sleeping in the chair next to the bed that Lexa is lying in. She's awake now, and turns her head the second that Clarke enters the room, an almost drunken smile on her face. " _ Clarke _ !" She says happily and Clarke laughs. 

 

"How you feeling Lexa?" Clarke asks placing her hands in her pockets. Lexa nods her head enthusiastically in response, causing a bubble of laughter to form in Clarke's chest. 

 

"I feel good." Lexa says then she frowns. "I feel really, really,  _ gooood _ ." 

 

"How high are you right now?" Clarke asks and Lexa shakes her head, patting the bed for Clarke to come join her. Clarke hesitates, not sure that this was such a good idea, but, when Lexa becomes restless, and gives Clarke a pout, she can't say no to the request. Lexa scoots over and Clarke lies on the side that her IV isn't on to avoid tugging on the tube. She shuffles a couple of times before settling beside the brunette. She freezes when Lexa nuzzles into the crook of her neck, the brunette taking a deep breath and exhaling in an almost content sigh. 

 

"I missed you." Lexa mutters with her voice slightly muffled by Clarke's neck. "Not just physically Clarke, though I did really enjoy it when we got physical." Lexa pulls back to look at Clarke seriously and Clarke finds the sight so endearing. Lexa doesn't know what she's saying, she knows that morphine can make people feel sluggish and it seemed that Lexa was having that reaction. "I miss talking to you, we used to have really deep conversations Clarke." Lexa rambles. "Remember the whole Polaris thing and, and..." Lexa scrunches her nose up, momentarily forgetting what she was going to say. "Huh, I forgot what I was going to say." Lexa says and then she pouts and Clarke is laughing again because this whole scene is incredibly too cute. "You're really hot Clarke." Lexa continues and Clarke scoffs in disbelief. "No, really, like, smoking hot, and I... I can't stop thinking about you-" 

 

"Lexa." Clarke interrupts but Lexa's on a roll now, her slightly fogged up brain deciding that, right now, it wanted Lexa to spill her guts. 

 

"No really, I'm always thinking about you, always, always, always. You're so beautiful and I- I lo-." Clarke's eyes widen, and her heart completely stops beating in her chest, but she manages to press her finger to Lexa’s lips to silence her words before she let her foggy brain speak them. Lexa doesn’t seem to notice that she didn’t get to finish her sentence and she just sighs and cuddles closer to Clarke. "That's why this whole job isn't worth it." Clarke's brought back to reality by Lexa's voice again - who seems to be talking to herself more than anyone else right now. "So not worth it, I want to be with you and I'm risking that for a job? It's so stupid." Clarke was thoroughly confused now and she shakes her head at the brunette in confusion. 

 

"Wait, Lexa, what do you mean?" Clarke asks and Lexa frowns at her. 

 

"You wouldn't like it." Lexa states. "That's why I need to..." Lexa trails off, staring into the distance. "I just want to save people, save Aden." Lexa says and Clarke glances at the boy who was sleeping in the chair. "Save you." Lexa adds and then she's leaning in and Clarke is dodging her lips. She wasn't sure if Lexa was going to remember this and kissing her in a drugged up state wouldn't please any of them anyway. 

 

"Just go back to sleep Lex." Clarke says softly. "The drugs will wear off soon." Lexa nods her head, wrapping her arms around Clarke and burrowing her head into Clarke's neck. The blonde smiles, happy to allow Lexa to cuddle into her, and, suddenly, she felt like a teenager all over again, wrapped securely in Lexa's arms. She supposes she can spare a few minutes and slowly hums a sort of lullaby as Lexa drifts back off to sleep next to her. She didn't know what Lexa had meant about the whole ‘job’ thing, especially since Clarke encouraged the whole detective thing, but Lexa had almost said that she loved Clarke, drugged up or not, Clarke couldn't ignore that... mostly because she felt exactly the same way.

 

**//**

The next time Clarke wakes up it’s because Lexa is screaming. Clarke's eyes snap open to see the brunette upright in her bed, a cold sweat visible on the surface of her tanned skin, while her breaths are ragged and uneven. Clarke turns to look at Aden who was staring in horror at the sight and it takes Clarke a moment to realise that she should do something. "Lexa." Clarke says tugging on the brunette who was mumbling incoherently. "Lexa, wake up." Lexa wasn't awake yet, not fully, and it looked as though she was in some kind of state of shock. 

 

" _ Stop, please, stop _ ." Lexa mutters, jolting around a little, whimpering, and Clarke stares at her in almost horror. She's a doctor, she should be able to do something about this, but she's drawing a blank and it's mostly to do from the  _ desperation  _ in Lexa's voice. "Leave Clarke alone." Clarke stiffens at the mention of her name and the way that Lexa had gone from whimpering to an almost commanding tone startled her a little. "I'll kill you!" 

 

Clarke spurs into action, and gently pulls Lexa back down into the bed, calling her name repeatedly until the brunette's eyes become clear and her mumbling and shaking calm down. "Wha-" Lexa says blinking at Clarke who was beside her. "What happened?" She asks. Clarke sighs in relief at having her Lexa back - although she was still breathing irregularly and she still had a cold sweat. 

 

"Do you often get night terrors?" Clarke asks, knitting her eyebrows together in concern, she was wondering if it had more to do with the drugs than Lexa herself. Lexa shuffles uncomfortably under Clarke's gaze which pretty much gives Clarke her answer. 

 

"It's not often." Lexa states. "Actually, it's really rare, but I guess my injuries, the fogginess of my brain from the drugs, threw me back in time." Lexa says with a shrug. 

 

"What exactly were you dreaming about?" Clarke asks. Lexa closes her eyes for a second and grimaces from the memory. 

 

"When Azgeda kidnapped me and tortured me." Lexa replies. Clarke bites her lip and stares at the brunette for a moment. She then glances back at Aden who was sitting soundly in the chair still. 

 

Lexa seems to remember that Aden was still in the room and startles from her position, she got the sense that Clarke wanted to have a more private talk, so she pulls her wallet from her pocket and pulls out a few dollars. "Aden," Lexa says and the boy is on his feet in an instant. "how about you go get yourself something to eat and drink while I talk to Dr Griffin alone bud?" She says with a smile. He nods his head, and takes the cash silently, and Lexa really hopes that she hadn't just given the boy a reason to be afraid of her. 

 

Once Aden slips out of the room, Lexa is tugging on her IV and trying to sit up only to be pushed back down by Clarke. "Do you want to talk about it?" Clarke asks and Lexa clenches her jaw in stubbornness. "Lexa, you never told me what happened to you there." Clarke says. "I saw you, I saw what they did, but you never told me what actually happened." Lexa grunts and pulls the IV from her arm, ignoring Clarke's look of disapproval. 

 

The blonde springs from the bed when she sees Lexa heading towards the door and she steps in front of it, blocking Lexa from exiting, and Lexa scowls at her. "Move Clarke." Lexa says reaching for the door but Clarke slaps her hand away. "You're being childish." Lexa remarks. "Now get out of my way." 

 

"Not until you tell me what happened." Clarke retorts, leaning against the door harder. Lexa lets out a sigh of exasperation and gives Clarke a cold stare. 

 

"You want to know what happened?" Lexa explodes. "They beat me, over, and over again, until I was bloody and broken, and I begged them to stop,  _ me _ ,  _ I  _ begged Clarke." Lexa seethes. Clarke stares at the brunette who looked riled up and angry, like she'd been holding this in for too long, like this was the source of her sleepless nights, Clarke’s heart rate increases tenfold with the new information, imagining Lexa begging for her life, she knew it was bad but she never knew  _ how  _ bad. "They threatened you and I- I  _ couldn't  _ let anything happen to you." Lexa says shaking her head. "So they tortured me, with knives, smashed my bones with a hammer, they broke me Clarke, they broke me, and I don't-  _ I killed someone _ !" Lexa yells before breaking down into tears. 

 

Clarke watches Lexa, her own eyes watering at the sight in front of her, she surges forward and wraps her arms securely around the brunette. She doesn't say anything and just lets Lexa sob into her shoulder, the brunette soaking through her scrubs easily, but Clarke knows that Lexa has to let it all out, she has to just let herself cry and everything will be better,  _ she'll  _ be better, so she doesn't move, she doesn't speak, she just holds Lexa gently, rubbing her back as the brunette buries her head into Clarke's neck, sniffling and whimpering at the familiarity of the hold. "It's okay Lexa." Clarke says softly. "You're not there anymore, you're here, with me, I'm okay, and they can't hurt you anymore." Clarke soothes. 

 

After a while, Lexa pulls away, pushing herself backwards until her back hits the bottom of the bed, and she rubs furiously at her eyes to clear her vision. "So much for that fresh start." Lexa says sarcastically and Clarke laughs, a pure laugh, that breaks through Lexa's walls, and then Lexa feels herself laughing in response at the irony of the situation. They'd made the promise of starting fresh and now Lexa had just let all of her emotional baggage out to play. She groans and wipes her face again; the aching was returning to her body now that she didn't have a steady supply of drugs to help with her pain. 

 

"I think we just got our fresh start right now." Clarke says. She moves herself and crosses her legs in front of her, facing Lexa fully, and gives her a bright radiant smile that makes Lexa smile back at her weakly. "Alright, so starting now, we forget about all the shit we went through as teenagers, all the hurt we caused to each other, and we start fresh, we build that trust and that- that love again, and we can be better, we can do better. I mean, you're so much better than-" Clarke stops talking when she sees Lexa's face scrunch up in pain and she frowns in concern. "Are you in pain?" Clarke asks concerned. "You stupid idiot, you ripped your IV out, I knew I should’ve taken you to CT, you could have a brain bleed, or internal bleeding, or something, why did I let you convince-" 

 

"Clarke." Lexa interrupts, her look of pain replaced by a fond smile. "You're rambling." A fresh wave of nostalgia sweeps over the pair as they remember when they had been younger and Clarke had been prone to rambling and Lexa had been prone to stopping her and letting her know how incredibly cute she found it. "It's not that," Lexa says dismissively. "there's just something I haven't told you and, if we're going to be doing this start over, rebuilding trust, thing, then I should probably tell you something." Clarke frowns but nods her head for Lexa to go on. 

 

"That whole scene in the bar, the suspension, it was an act." Lexa confesses and Clarke's frown deepens but she makes a gesture for Lexa to continue. "You see, sometimes detectives have to go undercover." Lexa explains and Clarke did know that, she's seen plenty of TV shows where detectives had gone undercover in order to capture bad guys in the act and arrest them for their crimes. "So Gustus made a big deal of my suspension because I'm going undercover in a place where I'm... well,  _ where I'm known _ ." Lexa stresses. It takes Clarke a moment to grasp what exactly Lexa was telling her but once she does her eyes widen in disbelief. She gives Lexa another once over with her eyes, seeing the cuts and bruises from her most recent injuries, and narrows her eyes. 

 

"So this wasn't just from a little Azgeda run in was it?" Clarke asks and Lexa shakes her head. "You're undercover in Azgeda." Lexa nods her head slowly and Clarke lets out a big sigh at that. Of course it wasn't the best of things to learn but the fact that Lexa had told Clarke, that was a real step forward, a step of showing real trust, and, of course, Clarke wasn't happy about it, she could never be happy about sending Lexa into any kind of danger, but it was Lexa, and she was a detective, this was her job, if she didn't go undercover then that would be just like Clarke refusing to treat someone, it's her  _ job _ , Lexa hasn't reformed, in fact, Clarke can see that Lexa is anything  _ but  _ reformed, she's doing the right thing, the morally right thing, and she's trying to make the world a better place by capturing criminals. 

 

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice interrupts Clarke's thoughts and the blonde snaps her head back to Lexa, her eyes focusing on worried and anxious green eyes which were staring back at her. Clarke sighs again, closing her before reopening them again. 

 

"That's good." Clarke decides. "You told me so you trust me and that's good, of course I'm not happy about it, but it's your job, so I can't really tell you not to do it, and it's not like you're actually a member." Clarke rationalises and Lexa smiles at her, lopsided and cute, she leans her head back against the bed with one of her hands coming to rest on one side of her ribcage. 

 

"No." Lexa replies. "This is strictly police business, you can't tell anyone." Lexa says her eyes widening a little at the last part and Clarke chuckles. 

 

"Like I would." She comments and Lexa nods her head. 

 

"Aden, I want to get him out." Lexa admits and Clarke knows this already, thanks to a drugged up Lexa, but she lets a sober Lexa go on anyway because it's one thing saying it drugged up but another thing to actually mean it sober. "He's like me, only he's not tainted by that world yet, he's so pure Clarke, he doesn’t deserve to be there." Lexa says and Clarke smiles softly at her. "Maybe I could adopt him, kind of like Monty and Miller did with me, only I want it to be official with Aden, I want to be his guardian." Lexa gets a faraway look in her eyes and Clarke gets the sense that she's thinking about something else, maybe the future, and she loves that Lexa wants to do this for the boy, especially when they've only just met, but she's seen this before: sometimes kids just imprint on you and there this unbreakable kind of bond formulated, even in the first few minutes of knowing them, it's special, young kids can do that, they can latch onto someone and they can love them so easily, and Clarke sometimes misses that quality: to love so openly and easily. 

 

"You like him." Clarke comments and Lexa turns to face her nodding her head surely. 

 

"I do." She confirms. "In fact," Lexa pauses. "I have an idea, a project that I'd like to do, and he's going to help me." 

 

"That sounds...  _ interesting _ ." Clarke says, raising an eyebrow, and Lexa grins at her. 

 

"Trust me, you'll love it." She says. Just then Aden renters the room, two cups of ice cream in his hands, and he looks down at the pair sitting on the floor. "Hey bud." Lexa greets and he smiles at her, walking into the room, and settles beside her on the floor sitting like Clarke was only next to Lexa rather than in front. 

 

"I got you one." He says. "When I have nightmares I like to have some ice cream after. It helps." Clarke smiles as Lexa takes the ice cream with a broad smile and Aden returns it with a shy one of his own. 

 

"Thanks Ad." Lexa says and he nods his head before catching Clarke looking at him. 

 

"Oh, I'm sorry Dr Griffin, I didn't get you one." He says, blushing furiously from embarrassment, and Clarke chuckles, pushing herself up to her feet. 

 

"That's okay Aden, I have work to do, and Lexa here should get back in her bed so she can continue to get her medication and required sleep and observation that she needs." Clarke says with a pointed glare at the girl. Lexa grumbles and hands the ice cream to Aden, sulking over to her bed, and Clarke follows. 

 

She quickly inserts a new IV and then excuses herself from the room. "Alright Aden," Lexa says while taking the ice cream from the boy again. "I have this amazing plan and I need your help bud." Aden nods his head enthusiastically and Lexa smiles. She'd really have to adopt this kid because there was no doubt in her mind that he was supposed to be anywhere else other than with her. Aden was her's now and Lexa would be sure make that official whenever she could.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! Aden for the win. I'm a sucker for Aden x Lexa sibling bond and I couldn't resist the chance to write it into this story - plus Aden is going to help Lexa do something pretty important to her but I wonder what that is? ;) Lexa told Clarke the truth, which is kind of significant, and a way to bridge trust between them, and slowly that trust will build and build and build. They've both never been in serious relationships since they've been with each other so they clearly still love each other, c'mon, it's gonna happen, just hold on. Anywho, drop me a comment and I'll try to reply from now on because I'm so bad at that!


	30. Some Things Never Change (Some Do)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I heard stories that you'd gone soft, that you were a detective?" She asks curiously and Lexa stares at her. The woman didn't seem malicious about it, in fact, Lexa was convinced she was an adrenaline junky, she was a bartender in a club full of criminals and gang members, she clearly knew stuff and probably heard the wildest gossip and a part of Lexa knew that the woman was just genuinely curious in hearing from Lexa Kom Trikru. 
> 
> "Well you heard wrong," Lexa responds, tapping her finger on the rim of the bottle. "I'm with Azgeda." 
> 
> "I didn't think a Trikru would go anywhere near an Azgeda." 
> 
> "People change." 
> 
> "I heard Trikru and Azgeda don't get along very well, I would've throught you'd rather skin yourself alive than join them." 
> 
> "Look," Lexa had had enough of her questioning now, she had to shut that down before she slipped up and said something she didn't mean to say. "I know you mean well but I don't feel like playing twenty one questions with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's actually been a year since I last updated what??? I had no idea it had been so long since I'd updated but hopefully y'all enjoy this chapter and I'll see you in the end notes. Enjoy!

Clarke never really thought about killing anyone, not  _ really _ , but when Lexa calls her at six in the morning, on Clarke's rare day off, Clarke could have killed the girl there and then. "Why the hell are you awake Lexa?" Clarke groans into the phone, pushing herself up off of the mattress, she stares at the clock sitting on her night stand with the huge block red letters and lets out a groan. 

 

Clarke hears the soft chuckle of laughter from the other line and the blonde flops back into her bed and releases a loud sigh. "I couldn't sleep, and neither could Aden." Lexa's voice sounds way too awake for Clarke's taste and she rolls over to bury her face into her pillow. 

 

"Something tells me that you haven't even been asleep." Clarke drawls bursting into a yawn at the end of her sentence. 

 

"Alright," Lexa says. "guilty as charged but we've been working on this thing and we're finally ready for the stamp of approval from Clarke Griffin herself." Lexa says playfully and Clarke feels her lips spread into a tried smile at the brunette's words. 

 

"You sound very confident." Clarke comments and Lexa laughs. 

 

"Of course I am." Lexa says and Clarke can imagine her cocky grin vividly. "I excel in everything I do Clarke." Clarke rolls her eyes, despite them being closed, and lets out a small huff of laughter. 

 

"You suck." Clarke retorts and she hears an,  _ obviously _ , fake gasp of hurt on the other side. 

 

"You wound me Clarke," Lexa says in a mock hurt tone. "and not for free." 

 

"Now you're just being gross." Clarke grumbles sleepily and Lexa laughs again. 

 

"Oh come on Clarke, Aden wants to see you." Lexa says. "And maybe someone else does too, it's been a week, I'm beginning to go through Clarke withdrawals." Lexa says. Though her voice is joking, Clarke gets the sense that there's some truth behind her words and the fact that she was being missed by Lexa did give her a warm fuzzy feeling in her chest. 

 

"Fine." Clarke gives in, sitting up, it’s not like she would be able to fall asleep anyway after a phone call from Lexa. "But only for Aden." Clarke adds and she's rewarded with a laugh. 

 

"Hey Ad, Clarke's coming." Lexa says, her voice sounding more distant as she probably held the phone away from her face a little. "He gave me a thumbs up and then went back to playing video games." Lexa says. "I feel a little offended if I'm honest." 

 

" _ You _ do?" Clarke asks, standing up out of her bed completely, she stretches out and lets out a groan as her muscles ache from the action. "Am I only worth a thumbs up?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow though Lexa couldn't exactly see. 

 

"Not to me." Lexa replies. There's a small silence after the comment that makes Clarke's chest tight before Lexa speaks again. "If you're coming then could you bring coffee? Like lots of coffee?" Lexa asks and Clarke snorts. 

 

"That's not healthy you know." Clarke says but she's guilty of binging off of coffee herself thanks to her late nights studying in med school and through her intern years. 

 

"I'm running on two hours of sleep Clarke." Lexa replies. 

 

"Alright I'll bring coffee, and something for you to eat." 

 

"Thanks mom." Lexa responds. 

 

"On second thought," Clarke says. "I'm going back to bed." She moves towards the bed only to be stopped by yelling down the line. 

 

"No,  _ wait _ !" Lexa calls and Clarke smirks satisfied that Lexa clearly wanted her to come over. "Please don't do that." 

 

"Fine," Clarke gives a dramatic sigh and turns around to exit her room. "I'll see you and Aden soon." 

 

"He looks forward to it." Lexa says and Clarke rolls her eyes before hanging up. 

 

The blonde stumbles around her apartment trying to find her various things she would need, like her car keys and her jacket, before she got dressed, which only resulted in her waking her roommate. "Clarke," Octavia steps out from her room, throwing the door open which hits the wall with a bang. "What. The. Fuck." She says and Clarke gives her an amused smile. 

 

"Sorry." Clarke says, she's suddenly aware that she's dressed in only her underwear, and a t-shirt, not that it matters since Octavia has pretty much seen it all anyway. "Lexa called, she wants me to come over." 

 

"And you're going?" Octavia asks rubbing at her eyes. "What could she possibly want you for at the ass crack of dawn anyway?" She asks and Clarke laughs passing by Octavia on her way to the bathroom. 

 

"My opinion." Clarke responds and Octavia snorts. 

 

"Your opinion is not worthy of ass crack of dawn Clarke." 

 

"Excuse you." Clarke says in a mock offended tone and she comes to a halt when Octavia grabs her by the shoulders. 

 

"Please tell me you're not falling down the Lexa wormhole." Octavia says. "That this little call isn't the only reason that you're going over there but it's because  _ you  _ want to." 

 

"It's not like that," Clarke responds. "Lexa and I- we’re just... I don't know what we are okay, but we’re something right now and she trusted me with some very important information so I think we're making progress again." Clarke confesses stepping out from Octavia's intense stare. 

 

"Important information, huh?" Octavia asks suspiciously but Clarke was not about to tell her what it was. 

 

"Don't even think about it." Clarke warns, heading towards the bathroom again, stepping inside and turning around to face her best friend. 

 

"Whatever Griffin, I'm going back to bed, have fun with the other half!" Octavia teases and Clarke grumbles flipping her off which just serves to entertain Octavia. "Fuck you too!" She yells over her shoulder and Clarke scowls in fondness before slamming the door shut. She and Octavia had an unusual friendship, but she loved that little Blake with all of her heart. 

 

**//**

 

Clarke exits her car at half past seven and trudges her way up to the stairs of Lexa's apartment building, holding three cups of coffee, a hot chocolate and a bag of baked goods. She presses the buzzer to the apartment that's cutely named  _ ‘Weyes’,  _ a combination of Woods and Reyes, which Clarke is sure is was probably all Raven's idea. "Who is it?" Lexa's voice sounds from the buzzer and Clarke smiles leaning against the wall so she could speak into the microphone. 

 

"Apparently, it’s your personal assistant who's come to bring you food and coffee." 

 

"Oh," Lexa says and Clarke can hear the clear smile in her tone. "I wasn't aware I had a personal assistant." 

 

"Cute blonde, blue eyes, also happens to be a doctor." 

 

"Nope, not ringing any bells I'm afraid." Lexa replies in a teasing tone and Clarke rolls her eyes. "Aden, I said pause the game!" Lexa yells off handedly and Clarke laughs. 

 

"Buzz me in or you'll end up losing, and I know how much you hate that." Clarke says. She hears a distinctive groan of frustration from Lexa and then the brunette is hitting the buzzer. 

 

"I do hate losing," She relents. "come straight in, the door is unlocked." Lexa's voice disappears and Clarke pushes the door open with her hip climbing the many stairs up to Lexa's apartment. 

 

In all fairness, Clarke hadn't exactly expected to spend her day off like this, hanging out with her ex girlfriend and doing coffee runs for the girl at ridiculous hours in the morning, but Clarke and Lexa have been spending more time together thanks to Lexa admitting to the job she was currently doing and also because Clarke was a doctor and having her on Lexa’s side for the adoption that Lexa wanted to do for Aden would be a big help. 

 

And maybe Clarke missed Lexa. 

 

She pushes the door to the apartment open to find Lexa and Aden sitting on the sofa, locked in a heated battle on some game that Clarke had no idea what it was called, the pair were nudging each other, trying to one up each other, and Clarke smiles at the sight of them both. Lexa, who was probably losing, sticks her hand out and covers Aden's eyes with it, drawing a string of protests from the blonde haired boy and a laugh from Clarke. 

 

Lexa looks over her shoulder at the sound of laughter and turns back to the game, she pulls her hand away from Aden's eyes. "Time to wrap this up Bud," Lexa says, concentrating harder on the game. "Dr Griffin has graced us with her presence." Clarke rolls her eyes at the use of her doctor title and moves towards the dining table in the centre between the kitchen and the living room. She sets the cups of coffees down on the table and the bag of muffins down to. She hears a holler from the living room, and the almost childish boasting from Lexa, and Clarke smiles softly to herself. Having Aden around just reminded Clarke of all the things she loved about Lexa, it showed her softer side, while also her childish goofiness that she tried to hide by acting tough, but Lexa is and always was a secret softie. 

 

She hears the sound of feet and then Lexa is beside her, gulping down her coffee, and Clarke raises an eyebrow. "Did you get donuts?" Lexa asks opening the bag of goodies. Clarke chuckles, turning to face Lexa, she crosses her arms across her chest and gives the woman an amused look. 

 

"I didn't realise you were so stereotypical." Clarke says referring to the fact that Lexa was a cop and she was drinking both coffee and wanting donuts. Aden comes up beside Clarke with a small polite smile and the blonde smiles happily handing him the hot chocolate she had purchased just for him. Aden pouts, which Clarke finds amazingly adorable, but Lexa just gives him a stern look. 

 

"No coffee for you bud," Lexa says seriously. "I heard caffeine is bad for kids." 

 

"I'm not a kid." Aden protests, scowling at Lexa, who rolls her eyes and hands the boy a muffin to subdue his anger. Clarke observes Lexa for a moment, who was currently onto her second cup of coffee, while eating as quickly as she could, she seemed to be buzzing with energy, despite the fact that she had been up for most of the night. 

 

“How's your ADHD Lexa?" Clarke asks raising her eyebrows and Lexa herself only shrugs. 

 

"It's okay," She replies with a shrug. "I've been a little distracted lately, more so than usual, and I have all this excess energy, thanks to me not running down criminals, and I always feel like I should be doing something but then I just kind of find something else to do instead," Lexa pauses realising she was rambling a little. "it's not so good I guess." 

 

"Do you have your medicine?" Clarke asks with a frown. Lexa being impulsive was never a good thing and, when she was like this, she tended to be a little out of control but Clarke had learnt that people with the condition were suited for jobs in the force, and things alike, because they were well suited for crises', their awake brain made for exactly that, and Lexa hadn't been putting that quality to use recently. 

 

"I stopped taking that just before senior year," Lexa says. "Monty said the medicine would affect my recovery and usually I just did other things to keep my mind off of it." Lexa shrugs - those ‘other things’ had been sport, not that Clarke would know that. Clarke nods her head understandably but the fact that Lexa hadn't taken her medicine for six years was surprising to her. 

 

Lexa takes off for a second, leaving Clarke alone and unable to reply, before the girl returns with a pile of papers and a wide grin. She slaps the papers down on the table and the woman holds her hand up to Aden who slaps his own against Lexa's raised one in a high five. "You're looking at project light," Lexa says with a smile and Clarke raises an eyebrow, picking the papers up to scan through them for a moment. "Aden came up with the name, and we don't have a name for the actual organisation, but I'm confident that we can put this all together soon." She expands and Clarke frowns confused by the comments and paperwork. 

 

"Basically," Lexa begins. "I plan to set up anti gang organisations across the city, somewhere where kids can take refuge, or go to for support," Lexa says and Aden smiles from his position next to the brunette. "Trikru industries is more than happy to make a contribution towards it, and, of course, I have my own inheritance to help." Clarke chews on her bottom lip, wanting to say somethings but not wanting to interrupt Lexa,  _ or  _ upset her. 

 

"It's something I never had as a kid you know? I was just kind of tossed into this life, Aden would've been too." Lexa adds and she slumps over one of the dining room's chairs letting the weight of that information weigh her down. "This can make a difference, and when I'm finally reinstated as detective, and this whole Azgeda stuff is behind me, I can actually put my name on it, but, until then, it's all anonymous to help protect me." Lexa smiles confidently and Clarke looks at the paper again with a hesitant expression. "Aden and I are practically the poster children for it, right Ad?" Lexa says with a huge enthusiastic smile. 

 

"Right." Aden agrees coming up to stand next to Lexa and the brunette ruffles the boy's hair playfully. Clarke examines them with fondness, Lexa and Aden had bonded instantly, and, if the casual way Lexa has her arm slung around Aden's neck is anything to go by, she'd say that the two were almost like brother and sister and Clarke supposed, in some weird way, they kind of were. They both come from similar backgrounds, both of them had lost their parents, both of them were subject to gang violence and they gelled perfectly. 

 

Clarke laughs at the pair and Lexa beams at her. "So, Clarke," Lexa begins. "what do you say? Are you in?" 

 

"What about your job?" Clarke asks raising her eyebrows and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

 

"I can do both, relax." Lexa says dismissively. Clarke wasn't sure about that,  _ at all _ . 

 

"Really?" Clarke asks. "Posing as a gang member while simultaneously trying to set up anti gang clubs, safe spaces, whatever?" Clarke asks in disbelief. "Lex, I don't think that's safe." 

 

"It's fine." Lexa says removing her arm from Aden who scampers off to go play on the game console in the living room. "Roan knows I'm undercover and the only person I really have to worry about is Ontari." Lexa says, stepping towards Clarke who eyes her cautiously. "I'll be fine Clarke, I always am." Lexa says and Clarke sighs, knowing that that was at least true. Lexa was the definition of survivor, she really had been through a hell of a lot for someone so young, and Clarke was incredibly proud and appreciative of her strength. 

 

"It still makes me nervous," Clarke says, she's proud of what Lexa wants to do, and she one hundred percent supports the idea, but she's just worried about her. "maybe you should hold off until after you've completed your job?" Lexa smiles at the blonde, relenting to the girl's request, Clarke was stubborn when it came to this kind of thing plus, the woman sounded genuinely concerned which Lexa appreciated. 

 

"Okay," Lexa replies handing Clarke a donut in peace offering. "for you." The blonde accepts the donut with an eye roll and sips at her coffee while Lexa simply smirks at her from her position across from her when the brunette gets a text. 

 

Clarke watches as the girl reads the text with a frown and Clarke narrows her eyes suspiciously, Lexa taps out a response and looks up to catch Clarke staring at her curiously, and she smiles to herself, when Clarke looks away with a light blush covering her cheeks. "Ontari wants me at some party tonight," Lexa says, moving her jaw from side to side. "I can't say no but I kind of like to avoid parties, especially these kind of parties." Clarke frowns in confusion at Lexa's words when she clicks as to why she avoided them. 

 

Lexa sighs and runs a hand through her brown curls. "There's erm... there's temptations I'd rather avoid." Lexa admits and Clarke smiles softly, already knowing what Lexa was hinting at. 

 

"Do you mean like girls?" Clarke goes for a little light teasing and gently nudges Lexa's ribs with her elbow and Lexa looks at her with a sparkle in her green eyes that Clarke can't quite place. Clarke figured they were friends, and friends teased each other about romantic things,  _ right _ ? Clarke wasn't overstepping and, yeah, maybe she'd be upset if she found out Lexa was with someone else but they're friends, purely platonic friendship, filled with coffee and donuts and light hearted banter, nothing more, nothing less...  _ right? _

 

"No," Lexa says examining Clarke for a moment. "I'm talking about other temptations, things I usually bust people for." Lexa grumbles drinking the last of her coffee. 

 

"Well," Clarke sighs, seeing the anxiety all over Lexa's face. "I believe in you." Clarke says and Lexa looks at her with a raised brow. "Yeah," Clarke says becoming more resolute in her resolve. "I know you've grown, you're stronger now, you can resist those temptations easily." Lexa smiles softly at the blonde, the tension flowing from her muscles and lessening her anxiety. Lexa knew she could resist such temptations, she was just weary of putting herself into a compromising situation because even Lexa gives into her demons sometimes. 

 

Lexa excuses herself for a moment and Clarke takes the opportunity to take a look at the text that Ontari had sent to Lexa. It wasn't anything substantial really, just an address, the information that it was a party and the part that Clarke was sure was supposed to be threatening that said  _ 'Be there.' _ but all Clarke could hear after was  _ 'or be square' _ and the sentence was a lot less threatening. 

 

She places Lexa's phone down and quickly transfers the address into her own phone, figuring being there for a little support wouldn't hurt anyone, apart for the fact that it was a super dangerous gang party, but Clarke wanted to be there for Lexa, to help her if she needed to. 

 

When the brunette returns, she pockets her phone without a second glance and turns to look at Clarke with a broad smile. "I believe you owe me a date." She says teasingly and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"I told you it wasn't a date." Clarke says, though that wasn't exactly true, she had been wanting to talk to Lexa because, frankly, she was confused. Lines had been drawn but, lets face it, they were both incapable of being friends, those lines were blurred the second Lexa so much as smiled in Clarke's direction, and Clarke just doesn't know how to feel looking at Lexa now, it's hard to remember her as the Trikru member she had once been, she's developed so much, she has Aden, she's an amazing detective, of course, Lexa had always had a softer side to her anyway, one that only a few got to see, but now it was like she had the perfect balance in her, if you looked at Lexa now, and didn't know who she used to be, then you would never assume that she had once been a gang member. 

 

"Fine," Lexa relents, interrupting Clarke's trail of thought, as the the brunette leans against one of the kitchen counters. "you owe me a dinner." She says with a smug smile and Clarke rolls her eyes again - if there's one thing that Lexa was, it was confident. Clarke chuckles at the brunette who smiles in response. 

 

"How do you feel about lunch later?" Clarke asks and Lexa's smile only widens.

 

**//**

 

The pair walk into a local cafe, Lexa wearing her normal leather jacket that she wore practically everywhere - Clarke was certain that the thing had to be ripped in several places and the leather had to be fading or cracking - but Lexa loved it and, well, Clarke had to admit she did look rather good in leather. The cafe was quiet and sparsely populated, Lexa had left Aden with Anya and Raven, warning them both not to give the boy coffee - or beer,  _ Anya  _ \- the kid certainly didn't lack fun aunts there. 

 

They take a seat at a table outside, enjoying the nice weather, and Lexa removes her jacket, placing it on the back of her seat before settling in it. They order drinks and scan the menu as the waitress wanders off to go retrieve their beverages. "So," Lexa says, leaning forward. "Octavia doesn't like me much huh?" She asks, peering over her menu with a smirk, and Clarke laughs a little at the comment. 

 

"It's not that, she's just... protective. She's weary of you and she kind of always has been." Clarke admits and the brunette across from her raises her eyebrow. "You can't tell me that you don't remember her being...  _ standoffish  _ around you back in high school." Clarke says in disbelief and Lexa shrugs and Clarke narrows her eyes. 

 

"Yeah I do," Lexa finally says. "but I managed to charm her back then and I've been told I'm still quite charming." Lexa says closing her menu and Clarke rolls her eyes. Lexa certainly didn't lack for confidence, not that she was complaining or anything, confidence was sexy… Clarke was having a really hard time figuring herself out right now, part of her was worried about falling for the girl in front of her again, but another part of her told her she already had. 

 

Lexa was beautiful, Clarke was under no delusions there, she always had been, her braided hair and rugged mysterious vibe made her hot, but, with the leather jacket absent, the midday sun hitting her from behind made her brown hair light up in a beautiful shade of chestnut, her tan skin practically glowed, her green eyes were bright, sparkling, and all Clarke could think was  _ ‘crap _ .’ because she knew what half of her was right. Lexa looks up again and their eyes catch. Clarke looks down almost immediately, being caught staring wasn't exactly what she'd wanted, and she can't help but blush at that fact that she’d been caught but focuses solely on her menu. 

 

When they have both chosen their meal they order and are left alone again to talk. Lexa leans back casually, she seems almost too casual to Clarke, she was always usually moving, fidgeting, she'd once told Clarke that being around her calmed her, silenced the constant buzzing she felt, and maybe that was still true. 

 

Clarke shakes her head slightly to herself, and silently chastises herself, if she was going to go  _ there  _ with Lexa - and that was a  _ if  _ \- she couldn't keep thinking about the past, this was new, they were totally different people now, she couldn't keep thinking about who they once were. "How is Monty and Nathan?" Clarke asks, hoping to get her mind onto another topic. 

 

"My adoptive dads?" Lexa asks playfully. "Good, Miller and I went to the batting cages not long ago, I still need to go see Monty though." 

 

"Do you still see him as your doctor?" Clarke asks curiously and the brunette looks up from under her eyelashes, she pauses, playing with her napkin. 

 

"Sure," Lexa admits. "when things are bad." 

 

"When things are bad?" Clarke asks raising an eyebrow in that way that she does when she's trying to get the other person to tell them what they're thinking - and it totally works.

 

"You're doing that thing when you try to doctor me." Lexa says with amusement and Clarke rolls her eyes. 

 

"I'm asking as a  _ friend  _ actually," Clarke says and Lexa looks down at the table, her face falling only ever so slightly before recovering so quickly Clarke wonders if she imagined it. "I'm worried about you." Clarke admits, her voice gentle, and that's enough for Lexa to take the question more seriously. 

 

"Well, I struggle sometimes with what I've been through and everything, some scars don't heal, at least that's what Monty says," She raises her hands up into air quotations and imitates Dr Green's voice. " _ ’physical scars heal and fade with time, psychological ones have a tendency to never truly go away _ ’." Lexa shakes her head. "He thinks I have PTSD or something, it adds up apparently, but I'm fine, I promise." Clarke holds her gaze for a long moment, frowning, she doesn't know if she quite believes that because she knew what Monty meant, some scars, especially psychological, didn't heal, even with time, and the bad dreams and everything really did tell Clarke that Lexa had some serious trauma from her past, and she knew exactly what trauma. 

 

The waitress brings their food at that point, interrupting what Clarke wanted to say and giving Lexa a chance to turn the conversation to her. "So how's your mom?" Lexa asks. 

 

"You tell me, you see her more than I do apparently." Clarke mumbles and Lexa smiles. 

 

"Actually, your mom and I hit a rough patch for a while, she told me she was the one who ratted me out to Indra." Lexa says and Clarke drops her utensils in surprise. "You didn't know? Oh yeah, I was pissed for a long time at your mom after that, but, eventually, I saw why she did what she did, I needed it, plus, we'd had a history and a kind of promise and I broke it." Lexa says, suddenly concentrating on her plate, if she was being honest she kind of owed her life to Abby Griffin. "Water under the bridge." Lexa says dismissively. "Indra is also fine by the way, and Lincoln, though I suspect you already knew that since he's told me he's still in contact with Octavia." 

 

"They're pretty serious." Clarke says leaning forward. "I actually think he's been waiting for a while now for Octavia to move in with him but she doesn't want to leave me." Lexa laughs at that and nods her head in understanding. 

 

"Oh, believe me, I know the feeling. Raven practically lives with Anya already but for my sake she says she doesn't." Clarke smiles at that, it was always nice to know that not everything fell apart while she was gone. Lexa and Raven were still as close as ever, Raven and Anya were serious, some things never did change, some things got better with time, it all really just depended. 

 

They settle in for their lunch, which Clarke was slowly beginning to think really was a date, and she kind of never wanted it to end, but it would, and Lexa would be out there doing her job and risking her life again. She just didn't feel right about that text.

 

**//**

 

Lexa hops off of her bike, her heavy motorcycle boots thudding against the hard tarmac of the sidewalk. She sighs and removes her helmet, resting it on the seat, she sees a nearby group of men watching her carefully, beers in hand, and she narrows her eyes at them. "Nice bike." One of them says with a malicious smile. 

 

"Nice face," Lexa retorts, crossing her arms across her chest. "want to keep it?" She asks. The man gives her an offended look, and takes a threatening step forward, and that's when Lexa feels an arm wrap around her neck and she looks to her left to see Ontari beside her, her usual evil smirk plastered across her face. 

 

"I'd be careful boys," She says, staring the men down, her eyes were cold and demanding and Lexa had to admit even she was a little unnerved by the Azgeda member. "she's with me and I don't take too kindly to people threatening my people." Lexa looks away from Ontari and to the men who seem to be backing off a little. The man seems to consider his options, taking in both Ontari and Lexa's appearance, and decides he probably doesn't want to fight them so, instead, he makes some smartass comment and then struts off down the street with his other friends like he owns the whole street, though his drunken stumbling and ranting doesn't really convince anyone. 

 

"Self entitled asshole," Lexa says stepping forward out of Ontari's arm. "every damn man goes into defense if their manhood is so much as slightly threatened," Lexa rants turning to face Ontari face to face. "I could've beat him into the ground." 

 

"Sure you could've," Ontari replies and Lexa's actually surprised at how much she seems to believe that sentence - though given Lexa's show of strength at the underground fight club could she really blame her? "you can talk about misogyny some other day, right now you're my protection." Lexa narrows her eyes suspiciously but follows after the girl anyway. 

 

"Protection?" Lexa asks noticing only a few Azegeda were with Ontari, following a ways behind the pair of them. 

 

"Look out, protection, whatever," She says waving a hand dismissively. "I'll be making a deal, you'll be making sure no one's trying to kill me." 

 

"It's a party?" Lexa replies with a frown. "Who's going to try to kill you? A frat boy?" She asks sarcastically and Ontari rolls her eyes. 

 

"This party," Ontari says stopping at a metal door down an alleyway. "happens to have rival gangs all over the city, hell,  _ country _ , looking to do business, no one is anyone's friend and I bet there's plenty in there who have something against me..." Ontari pauses and bangs her fist against the metal door. "Actually," She says with a smirk. "I bet there's plenty who have something against you, both as Trikru Lexa, and Detective Woods." 

 

"It's a good thing I'm wearing my fighting leather jacket." Lexa responds dryly. 

 

The door swings open and reveals a man in a suit, looking like someone right out of Grand Theft Auto, and Lexa has to stop her eyes at how cliche some people take gang business. Ontari gets past no problem and Lexa almost frowns at the fact that there was no secret password - though that probably meant that the party didn't just have gang members inside but also everyday criminals or other misfits who could wander in off of the street. 

 

Lexa follows after Ontari and listens vaguely as she orders her men to take point, allowing one to only follow after her. The party was certainly grand, clearly whoever was hosting it had some serious money and anything Ontari was dealing could not be good. The place was crowded  _ unbelievably  _ to the brim, sweaty bodies all moulded together to thumping music, crazy flashing lights, this was not Lexa's scene whatsoever, but, if she was pretend Azgeda, the least she could do was be a  _ good  _ pretend Azgeda. 

 

She pushes through the crowd, ignoring the wandering hands of many people who certainly shouldn't be touching her there, and makes her way towards a different part of the open floor space so she can breathe. She's only been in the room for about five minutes and the insane temperature of the multiple bodies and the lights is making her sweat and it's raising her irritable temper, she hates being too hot, something about it really stresses her out, she doesn't know if maybe it has to do with her ADHD but she always feels a certain overwhelming feeling inside of her when something is loud, hot and getting on her nerves. She needs a drink, or something to loosen her up, but she's not entirely sure she trusts someone to give her a drink without spiking it and she certainly can't resort to that other way that people seem to let loose at parties because Lexa is not throwing away her sobriety chip of six years just because she's feeling a little agitated. 

 

She rounds the corner of a wall and spots a bar that was bustling with people, many impatiently tapping and yelling at the bartender who seemed rushed and stressed. Lexa rolls her eyes and walks towards the bar, she walks behind it and begins helping the bartender without a word, once the bar is sufficiently less busy, Lexa grabs a bottle of whiskey and sits down at the bar and sees the bartender looking at her curiously. "You didn't have to do that," She says and Lexa places a wad of cash down on the bar gesturing to the bottle of whiskey she had taken. "and you don't have to do that." She says eyeing the cash suspiciously. 

 

"It was nothing," Lexa says dismissively. "besides, I have nothing better to do." She shrugs, uncaps the whiskey and takes a swig before smiling. She sees the bartender blush a little and Lexa doesn't blame her - she can be quite the charmer when she wants to be. It doesn't last long and the woman plays off her momentary fluster by throwing a towel over her shoulder and leaning against the bar's surface. 

 

"You're Lexa Woods, right?" The woman asks and Lexa raises her eyebrows before taking another sip. She doesn't deny or confirm it but a few people do look in their general direction and Lexa isn't in the mood for a gang fight right now. "Leader of Trikru?" The bartender insists and Lexa sighs laying her bottle down on the table. 

 

"Trikru doesn't exist anymore." Lexa deadpans and the woman smiles, clearly proud of herself. 

 

"I heard stories that you'd gone soft, that you were a detective?" She asks curiously and Lexa stares at her. The woman didn't seem malicious about it, in fact, Lexa was convinced she was an adrenaline junky, she was a bartender in a club full of criminals and gang members, she clearly knew stuff and probably heard the wildest gossip and a part of Lexa knew that the woman was just genuinely curious in hearing  from Lexa Kom Trikru. 

 

"Well you heard wrong," Lexa responds, tapping her finger on the rim of the bottle. "I'm with Azgeda." 

 

"I didn't think a Trikru would go anywhere near an Azgeda." 

 

"People change." 

 

"I heard Trikru and Azgeda don't get along very well, I would've throught you'd rather skin yourself alive than join them." 

 

"Look," Lexa had had enough of her questioning now, she had to shut that down before she slipped up and said something she didn't mean to say. "I know you mean well but I don't feel like playing twenty one questions with you." The bartender laughs and leans against the bar in front of Lexa with a smile. 

 

"So how about some company?" She asks with a friendly gleam behind her eyes and Lexa examines her wearily. 

 

"Well I," Lexa pauses awkwardly, she's never awkward,  _ ever _ . "I have my whiskey bottle for that." The girl lets out an over exaggerated laugh and Lexa's brow creases when the girl touches her arm - not so subtly - and Lexa's eyebrows shoot up in response. "I should go check on things." Lexa says standing up. It's not that the woman wasn't pretty, or that Lexa wasn't up for some friendly company (although it didn't look like friendly was what the girl had in mind), it was just, well, she wasn't Clarke. Lexa excuses herself and stumbles through the ocean of bodies disappearing out of the woman's view. 

 

She sighs in exasperation, heading for a quiet corner where no one would bother her, she just wanted to drink her whiskey and get through the night without having to injure someone. She places her whiskey bottle down on the nearby surface and leans against the wall. Everything around her was buzzing with energy, on a good day, that energy is there, now it was tenfold and with the pounding music, the smell of sweaty bodies and having to endure such a place to protect a woman who would most likely want to see Lexa dead, well, it wasn't exactly the best moment of Lexa's life and she's had a lot of downs -  _ a lot _ . 

 

Lexa's mind drifts to Clarke, as it so often did, whenever it wanted to, without wanting, in fact it was a little bit of a distraction, everything reminded Lexa of Clarke, the blue of the sky reminded her of Clarke's blue eyes that she could stare into for an eternity, the scent of a candle reminded Lexa of how good Clarke smells, her smile was in everything and, well, even things that didn't really relate to Clarke Lexa still managed to find herself thinking about her. 

 

Deep down she was still that love sick soppy teenager, the one who took Clarke to a lake in the middle of the night, who was afraid to ruin such a beautiful soul with her own darkness, the one who screwed it all up, and for what? Nothing. 

 

Lexa is pulled out of her thoughts when someone approaches her and it doesn't take a genius to know he's completely and utterly baked, he has that whole skittish paranoid thing down and Lexa recognises it from seeing it too many times on the job - from experiencing it too. "Hey, do you, uh," He looks around and Lexa resists the urge to roll her eyes - it doesn't work. "do you want a hit?" He holds up a small pack of white powder. Now this is the part where the undercover cop pulls out their badge and gun and arrests the guy for possession with intent to supply but in a room full of gangbangers that seems like a slightly illogical decision and she can't blow her cover for her Ontari operation. Lexa can't deny it, she's an addict after all, it gives her pause, she stares at the pack for only a moment, she's been sober for so long there's a certain ache when she sees the drugs presented to her but she can't and she never will. 

 

Before she even had the chance to turn the guy down she feels someone come up behind her and she tenses immediately when she hears the voice. "She's good." The voice instantly soothes Lexa, she relaxes, all tension leaving, and an automatic smile creeps up on her before she frowns. The man slinks away into the sea of bodies and Lexa whirls on the blonde who was grinning though Lexa could see the apprehension in it. 

 

"Clarke? What are you-?" Lexa shakes her head in disbelief. 

 

"Okay, don't be mad but, I may have read your text this morning." Clarke bites her lip and attempts her best  _ 'sorry'  _ look and while lexa would find that normally adorable it was not in this situation. The brunette crosses her arms across her chest and gives her best look of disapproval, scowling at the blonde, it was dangerous for Clarke to be here, Lexa could only imagine who was here, hell, Ontari was here and that was enough. 

 

Lexa turns around and sees Ontari leaving a room, her eyes widen and she turns to Clarke grabbing her gently by the arm into the thick of the crowd. They end up hidden down a dimly lit corridor, Clarke pressed against the wall and Lexa in front of her. Lexa peers around the edge of the wall to see Ontari making her way towards the bar and she internally curses - it would only be a matter of time before Ontari found her again. "Lex," Clarke says gently, placing her hand to Lexa's shoulder, which causes the brunette to lose concentration on Ontari and come back to be in front of Clarke with a pointed look. "fine, I'm sorry okay, but that text... it sounded off." 

 

"Off?" Lexa asks in disbelief. "It was from Ontari, of course it did." 

 

"Lexa, I'm serious, I don't think she trusts you as much as you think." 

 

"Of course she doesn't," Lexa says, raising her voice a little before sighing and looking at Clarke with wide vulnerable eyes. "I killed her cousin, practically her best friend, she didn't have me in the room doing whatever it was that she was doing here tonight, I'm under no illusion that Ontari trusts me, but I'm a detective, and I'm in, I have to-" 

 

"Have to what?" Lexa tenses when she hears Ontari's voice and whips her head to the right. Lexa straightens up and backs away from Clarke slightly to face Ontari, she was hoping the woman would concentrate on herself rather than Clarke but, from the looks of it, that wasn't going to happen. 

 

"I have to get back to work." Lexa says wearily, she wasn't certain how much of that Ontari had heard, maybe she'd just blown her cover. 

 

"That's right, you do," Ontari responds, her eyes moving from Lexa and landing on Clarke with an animalistic look, like what a lioness looks like before she pounces on her prey, Lexa inches herself in front of Clarke, effectively putting herself between Clarke and Ontari, and the woman's eyes flick back to Lexa. "though I'm never one who separates work and pleasure, why should I expect you to do any different?" She asks and Lexa frowns, she didn't like where this was going at all. "My business here is done, I got what I needed, you're free to go." 

 

"I didn't do anything?" Lexa asks, she's suspicious of course, she doesn't get Ontari's game, Nia, Lexa knew, but Ontari is something else entirely, she's hard to read, unpredictable, and that makes her even more dangerous. 

 

"You were on guard," Ontari says with a smile but it looks more like a wolfish grin. "there's nothing else I need to do so that's it." 

 

"That's it?" Lexa asks suspiciously, crossing her arms, she really wasn't convinced, she was naturally skeptical of everything but she just had a bad feeling now, before she thought Ontari had a little faith in her but now, now it didn't look that way. Ontari rolls her eyes and tosses Lexa a roll of cash which she catches easily. 

 

"I'll see you later Lexa," She says turning around she pauses and looks over her shoulder. "Clarke." She says before walking off and Lexa watches her disappear into the crowd. 

 

"Well that was very Disney villain like," Clarke says stepping closer to Lexa's back, she was inches away now and Lexa examines the cash in her hands. "how did she know my name?" Lexa contemplates for a moment, her and Clarke hadn't exactly been a secret, practically everyone knew, maybe Nia had told Ontari before she'd died, or maybe something else, but, right now, she had to focus on her job. 

 

"I don't know," Lexa says turning around, holding the cash up between her index and thumb. "but right now, I've got some investigating to do," She pauses looking at Clarke and then sighs. "please stay close."

 

**//**

 

Lexa walks up the steps to her apartment, she didn't have to worry about Aden because he was safe and sound with Raven and Anya but Clarke was trailing after her silently, already sensing Lexa's mood. After hours of sleuthing Lexa had found practically nothing, she'd been doing something at that party, Lexa suspected she was buying merchandise, weapons, drugs, anything really, but she hadn't been able to find much - especially not without blowing her cover. Clarke showing up had not been her plan at all. 

 

They enter the apartment in tense silence and Lexa flicks the light on, ignoring Clarke's presence, she walks straight to her liquor cabinet and opens it, pulling out a bottle of whiskey, she unscrews the lid and takes a swig before leaning against the cabinet with a sigh. Clarke feels a little like a kid in trouble, and she hates feeling that way, she was stubborn, even when she knew she hadn't been in the right this time. 

 

"So the silent treatment?" Clarke asks and Lexa looks at her unamused, she screws the lid back onto her bottle of whiskey, resisting the urge to glare at Clarke. "Real mature, yeah, I'll just not talk to her and brood." Clarke says crossing her arms and Lexa shakes her head pushing off of the cabinet. 

 

"You shouldn't have followed me!" Lexa exclaims in frustration. "Do you have any idea- you could've been  _ hurt _ !" She exclaims in disbelief and Clarke has the distinct feeling of deja vu remembering when she had followed Lexa to that alleyway one time. "Not only did you put your  _ life  _ in danger," Lexa continues her voice layered with anger. "now Ontari knows who you are, she saw  _ you  _ with  _ me- _ " Lexa stops mid sentence and drops her head in her hands, letting out a loud sigh of exasperation. 

 

"Clarke," Lexa's voice is quieter now, softer even, but there's a slight crack to it letting her actual despair she was feeling seep through her tone and Clarke feels incredibly bad for her rash decision to gate crash a potentially dangerous event - in fact, not  _ potentially  _ but a very dangerous event. "I can't..." She sighs and spreads her hands out in front of her, closing her eyes briefly like she was searching for the right words. "I want to protect you, I want to keep you safe, but I can't do that when you willingly go charging into danger." 

 

"I was trying to protect you." Clarke says with a frown. "If I hadn't been there tonight, god knows what would've happened." 

 

"I don't need your protection Clarke!" Lexa yells back, thrusting her hands out. Clarke gives her a look of hurt, feeling the words stab her right in the heart before the brunette sighs and removes her leather jacket. "I'm supposed to protect  _ you _ ." 

 

"Why?" Clarke asks, feeling her own anger simmer and bubble. "Because I'm just some damsel in distress? Well I'm sick of being the damsel Lexa!" 

 

"That's not-!" Lexa grits her teeth together. "Because I'm a cop and my duty is to protect everyone, including you, tonight, you put yourself in danger for me and I can't let you do that again, you shouldn't even know about this operation." Lexa explains in a rush. "What you did tonight, was pretty reckless and stupid." Lexa grits out she thought she was supposed to be the reckless and stupid one but, for once, the tables had turned. 

 

Lexa was angry with Clarke, of course she was, but at the same time she could see where Clarke had thought she was doing the right thing - if the roles were reversed, of course Lexa would've done the same thing, but that's because she knows what to expect. "Well, I thought it was brave." Clarke mumbles and Lexa scoffs clearly catching what she had said. 

 

"There's a fine line between stupidity and bravery." Lexa states and Clarke frowns at her. She takes a step forward, bridging the gap between them, and stares the brunette down. Lexa wasn't falling for it this time though, and she doesn't move an inch, she holds her ground as Clarke invades her personal space. This was just like Clarke, she played the intimidation game so well, she had this subtle eyebrow thing that she did, her blue eyes got darker with intensity and she had the serious face of a school teacher, but Lexa wasn't going to give in so easily, she couldn't let Clarke win, she needed to make her see that what she had done was wrong, but it severely wasn't helping her with how turned on she was getting from the blonde's intimidation. 

 

"You are unbelievable," Lexa mumbles. "you're stupidly brave, caring to a fault, obnoxiously stubborn," Clarke gravitates closer to Lexa as the brunette rambles out her words, trying not to look at the blonde but feeling her ever growing presence. "completely impossible, unreasonable-" Lexa's words catch in her throat as she looks down and meets Clarke's blue gaze. She stumbles a little on her feet when she sees the intensity with which her blue eyes glow and Lexa could feel it, could  _ sense  _ it, before it even happened, she knew what was about to happen before she was even doing it, before she even fully registered it, she just knew. 

 

They clash together at exactly the same time, Clarke brings her hand to the sides of Lexa's face as the brunette wraps her hands around the blonde's waist, grunting a little with the force in which they meet each other's lips. Clarke's lips taste a little like tequila and something else intoxicating that isn't intoxicating, they're not exactly going slow and gentle, the kiss is rough and hard and desperate, and Lexa knew this had been a long time coming. She hasn't kissed someone like this since, well, since she last kissed Clarke. 

 

Lexa somehow maneuvers them to the wall next to the door to her room, pressing Clarke against the wall which enticed a small grunt when the blonde hits against it and Lexa feels the blonde nip at her lip. Clarke's hands wander from Lexa's face, down her front, to the hem of her shirt and she tugs on it which makes Lexa take a step back to allow the blonde to pull it over her head and off of her body. 

 

"Clarke," Lexa says, her voice low and husky, layered with sexual desire and lust, and Clarke runs her hands up Lexa's now bare back. "this is a bad idea." 

 

" _ Shh _ ." Clarke mumbles kissing the brunette's neck before moving to her shoulder, nipping at her skin there, she lifts her leg to wrap around Lexa's waist and she feels the brunette's hand land on her thigh to help support her there. "There are no bad ideas." Clarke pants and Lexa shudders, forcing the blonde's lips from her skin back to her lips so she can explore her mouth. Lexa begins grinding against the blonde and Clarke's breathing turns from heavy breathing to full on panting, her nails digging deeper into Lexa's back. 

 

There are no bad ideas. 

 

Lexa wastes no time and goes straight for the buttons on Clarke's shirt, tearing the fabric a little in her haste and urgency, the pair stumble their way backwards into the bedroom with Lexa shutting the door behind her with the kick of her foot. The pair are locked in a heated match for one another's lips, hands roam here and there before they fall in a heap on the bed. 

 

Clarke grunts as Lexa presses down on her, pressing their bare upper bodies together, and it all becomes very real. This isn’t Clarke's first time it, isn't even her second time, there is no take your time warning or pressure on the pair, and it kind of hits Clarke full force that she's with the first person who she ever let touch her like that, she's with her  _ first _ , and they're locked in a heated almost desperate make out that is most certainly heading towards that place. Lexa isn't being gentle or attentive, not like she used to be, her moves are rushed, she's a little rough, like she's afraid that this will all just disappear in an instant. 

 

Clarke lays her hands gently on top of Lexa's, halting the brunette in her haste and Lexa pulls back to gaze down at Clarke with wide green eyes that had blown black pupils. Her green eyes move quickly in what Clarke is sure a searching movement of Clarke’s features to see why they were stopping. "I'm sorry," Clarke apologises and she sits up a little to which Lexa leans back more. "I just... we were going kind of fast." Clarke admits and she takes hold of Lexa and pulls her down to the mattress, flipping their positions as she does so. Lexa raises her eyebrows and Clarke sighs closing her eyes briefly. 

 

"Clarke," Lexa says softly. "we don't have to do anything." Lexa reassures and Clarke opens her eyes again to look down at the brunette. She climbs off top of her ex girlfriend and steps towards the brunette’s dresser, she begins shuffling around inside one of the drawers while Lexa sits up on the bed. Clarke tosses a shirt towards Lexa and the brunette pulls it on without a word while Clarke does the same, she realises that she's wearing one of Lexa's shorts and she doesn't have any intention on leaving quite yet so she doesn't really see the problem but the way Lexa eyes her makes Clarke shuffle a little and feel slightly self conscious - even if Lexa's looking at her in a way that she used to, like Clarke was the sun or something. 

 

"I think we should talk." Clarke admits sitting down beside Lexa who shuffles a little to face the blonde better. "I'll admit that I was reckless and stupid tonight." Clarke says resisting her urge to deny it - her stubbornness had only gotten worse with age - but Lexa's grin was enough to make it worth it. "I shouldn't have shown up." Clarke admits and Lexa nods her head listening intently. "I'm sorry for kissing you... twice." 

 

"Well, to be fair, that last time was also my fault." Lexa says. There's a tension in the air that Clarke can't quite place but it's thick and a little suffocating but then Lexa extends her palm, with her gentle half smile, and Clarke takes her hand in hers before resting her other hand on top of it and squeezing, and everything just feels right, a part of her wonders why it took her so damn long to get here, Lexa had been her soulmate, the person she was always supposed to be with, sure, they'd lost one another, hurt one another, changed, but maybe they'd needed that time apart to evolve, but Clarke knew with certainty that she was meant to always come back to Lexa. 

 

_ Always _ . 

 

"Clarke," Lexa says, her voice low and careful. "I- I want this." Lexa says. "I want you." Clarke takes a deep breath, she felt the same way of course, but hearing Lexa admit it... it was all so overwhelming, unbelievable, Clarke couldn’t believe that Lexa still felt the same. "I don't know," The brunette jumps up, suddenly breaking contact, she rubs the back of her neck and Clarke smiles at the familiarity of the action. "it's like everything in my life has shifted, the day I saw you in that hospital, it turned my whole world upside down, but it was the best kind of upside down, like a, I want to kiss you upside down, a roller coaster upside down, but I can't, and I wanted to show you that I've changed, that I'm better, but..." Lexa stops pacing and takes a deep breath. "I am better, but I have... issues still. When I killed Nia, at first it didn't affect me like it should have, but as I've grown, it's gotten harder, maybe you just remember that version me, the destroyed, bloody, teenager." 

 

"Lexa, I never  _ ever  _ saw you that way," Clarke says, standing up in front of the brunette. "look, neither of us are perfect," Clarke takes her hands in her own and gently brings them up to lift Lexa's chin to look her in the eyes again. "I said things, things I didn't mean, I should've been there for you, that was a mistake, and yeah, you made mistakes too, but you know what, they say it takes two to tango and I think it's time that we move on, not forget of course, but learn." Lexa stares for a long moment, digesting Clarke's words, before breaking out into a huge goofy grin and Clarke can't help but return it before the brunette makes a face. 

 

"Ugh," She says. "we really are grown ups now huh?" 

 

"Oh yeah." Clarke says nodding her head. She releases one of Lexa's hands and places her hand to the brunette's cheek. Lexa gazes down at her her green eyes, so vivid in the dark of the bedroom, her lips are parted slightly, as though she's a little breathless from the action, and then Clarke tip toes slightly and kisses Lexa softly, intimately, it's not rough or rushed as their last actions had been, this kiss is full of love, full of fresh beginnings and forgiveness, and the things that they never said to each other before Clarke had left.

 

When they part, Lexa finds herself chasing Clarke's lips before leaning her forehead against the blonde's and letting out a soft sigh of content. "I-" Lexa begins to say before she's cut off by the sound of her phone going off and she groans in frustration. It breaks their perfect bubble and Lexa sighs in exasperation, pulling her phone out of her back pocket to see a text from Ontari. "Great," She mutters to herself before sending a quick reply. "Ontari wants to meet." 

 

"Now?" Clarke asks with a concerned frown. "That doesn't strike you as suspicious." 

 

"I'm a detective, everything is suspicious." Lexa says exiting the bedroom to retrieve her leather jacket and grab her hoodie too - it looked as though it was going to rain before. "I have to go though, otherwise  _ she'll  _ start being suspicious, or more suspicious than she already is." Lexa explains before coming back into the bedroom. 

 

Clarke was sitting on the bed, arms out behind her, legs crossed, her hair was curly and flowing and Lexa would've sworn to anyone right then and there that Clarke Griffin was a goddess of some kind - mortals just didn't look so beautiful. "Wait here for me?" Lexa asks. 

 

"You're lucky you have a comfy bed." Clarke says and Lexa smiles crookedly at her. She takes in Clarke one last time before practically having to tear herself away from the blonde. Whatever Ontari wanted, it better be important.

 

**//**

 

"Meeting in an alleyway?" Lexa asks, coming down the dark alleyway to see Ontari sitting on the hood of her car. Lexa narrows her eyes, peering out from under her hood, she had a very bad feeling about this - almost deja vu remembering Roan who had lured her to an alleyway and shot her in her gut. Her hand instinctively itches, the gun shoved into the back of her waist band feels heavy and the smoke that billows out of Ontari's mouth from the cigarette she's smoking is like a warning, like a smoke signal telling Lexa she should run. 

 

Lexa remains calm, thinking that maybe she's just too highly wired for this kind of situation, like maybe her ADHD was overreacting, Clarke was back at her apartment sleeping soundly in her bed, while Aden was with Raven and Anya. Lexa was a soldier to the core, a survivor, if this was going where she thought it was going, then she wasn't going to go down without a fight. 

 

"This isn't ominous at all." Lexa keeps her voice perfectly neutral, not portraying a single ounce of the apprehension she was feeling. Ontari chuckles and flicks her cigarette away before she stands up straight. She steps forward so the white moonlight shows her features and Lexa tilts her head back at how black Ontari's eyes look. 

 

"Mission report Detective Woods." Ontari says just as calmly as Lexa. Lexa swallows thickly and leans further back in her hood. "You could've been so much more than what you've become Lexa," Ontari says. "the mighty Lexa Woods, the commander of Trikru, descendent of Gustus Woods, heir to Trikru," Ontari lists off walking around Lexa critically. Lexa stays her ground, standing tall and confident, her head raises from the ground, her hand still itching to pull the gun from her belt before Ontari spotted it. "Look at what you've become,  _ weak _ , everything your father didn't want you to become, you're the enemy-" 

 

"I didn't realise having morals was so wrong and disappointing." Lexa snaps. She can take a lot of things, but hearing about her parents is too far. Her gun grows heavier with every second as Ontari steps back to stand in front of her. 

 

"You didn't become like this because of morals," Ontari says with a cruel laugh. "you become like this because of love." Lexa feels the words like a slap across the face  _ ‘love is weakness’ _ she can hear her father’s voice echo through her mind. She takes a few deep breaths, steadying her racing heart beat...  _ and  _ the urge to punch Ontari right in the jaw. "You are such a disappointment," She reaches out and tears a piece of Lexa's leather jacket inside before she pulls out a small microphone. Lexa's reminded of her first meeting with Ontari, when she'd first come to prove herself to Azgeda, she'd removed her jacket and thrown it at Ontari to check for a bug, it had never crossed her mind that Ontari would bug it herself. She’d heard  _ everything _ . "so much potential," She crushes the bug to ash. "wasted." She says turning her back on Lexa and leaning against the hood of the car again. 

 

Lexa frowns, she was on full alert now, if Ontari had known she was undercover this whole time then why would she even bother inviting her to the party... unless. "At least now I know your weakness specifically," Ontari says with a grin. "I had my men surveil you from the second you left the fight club, Dr Griffin, she treated you, innocent enough, I didn't suspect anything, didn't see cause for concern," Ontari says with a shrug but Lexa goes still, completely and utterly, like a dog on alert ready to attack. "then you confessed to her you're being a double agent," Ontari says. "then she shows up at the party to make sure you're safe, I mean, there's more, the morning coffee runs, the innocent food you've eaten here and there under the guise of it ‘being for Aden’, clearly you still have feelings for your ex and strong they are." 

 

"If you touch-" Lexa steps forward threateningly but Ontari's eyes flare and she stands just as tall as Lexa. 

 

" _ Ah _ !" She says pointing her finger at Lexa. "You don't speak to me like that, understood?" Ontari asks and Lexa begrudgingly closes her mouth - she knew her big mouth tended to get her into trouble more often than not. Ontari seems satisfied when Lexa's fists unclench and she laughs shaking her head at the brunette. "There's only one way this ends I'm afraid Lexa," Ontari says. "you killed Nia, blood must have blood and all that, no hard feelings?" 

 

"You can have me, just don't hurt Clarke." Lexa says taking a step forward more out of desperation now then intimidation. Ontari considers Lexa for a moment, her eyes flicking up to look beyond her for a moment. "It's too late for that I'm afraid," Ontari's says. "your weakness, both of them, are mine now." Lexa feels her heart drop right through her to the ground, and even further, her blood runs cold with dread and her eyes widen, she feels utterly helpless and oh so vulnerable, but she's a fighter if nothing else. 

 

"I guess if you want to save them, you're going to have to survive aren't you," Ontari says and Lexa frowns looking over her shoulder when Ontari grins at something behind her. Lexa's greeted by two stocky broad men who make her look like a pea in relation to their obvious brute strength. "you have twenty four hours or they die." Ontari struts off to her car leaving Lexa behind to deal with the two Azgeda staring her down. 

 

As soon as the car leaves there's a dead silence that falls over the group as Lexa just stares them down, if it wasn't for the uncomfortable hammering in her chest, she'd say that her heart had all but stopped. "I don't suppose you guys will take a pass on that fight will you?" Lexa asks. One of the men steps forward cracking his knuckles and Lexa sighs. "Didn't think so." She grumbles. 

 

The first man jumps her, tackling her to the ground with the sheer force of his weight, which results in Lexa hitting her head harshly against the concrete. She grunts and is blinded for a moment, her vision turning blurry, before it clears just in time to see a fist flying towards her face. She rolls out of the way and hears the guy yell out as his fist connects with solid ground and Lexa scrambles to her feet only to be met with another hard fist directly in her jaw sending her flying to the ground. "Son of a bitch." Lexa groans. That was surely going to leave a bruise. 

 

She's on her feet in seconds however, using her agility and obvious quick reflexes against the men. One of them advances and Lexa manages to duck under his arm and deliver a kick to his backside sending him flying forward, head first, into a wall. She forgets about that for the moment and focuses on the other advancing man. He manages to land a hit on her lip, drawing blood, but Lexa's blocking and punching him in no time. She grabs his shirt and lets out a scream as she drives his full weight against the wall, sending him flying into bricks with a loud crunch of  _ something _ , and then she's being shoulder barged into the wall, knocking the wind right out of her lungs, before she's pulled back sharply and tossed to the ground like she was a bug. 

 

The guy she had kicked into a wall looms over her, his nose bloody and his eyes furious. "You know, most people consider hitting a girl as wrong." Lexa says looking around for some kind of weapon - she'd really rather avoid shooting these guys if she could. She spots a trash can lid and sets a plan into motion. "Two against one is hardly fair." Lexa points out and as the man lunges for her Lexa reaches for the trash can lid, pulls it back and smacks it against his head causing a loud metallic bang to fill the enclosed alleyway. "Ooo, that is going to hurt in the morning." Lexa says with a grimace and she stands immediately as the guy gets back to his feet drawing a knife. "You have got to be kidding me." 

 

The guy lunges and Lexa uses her trashcan lid to her advantage, managing to block the knife, though it does go through the metal due to its size and the man's strength, and Lexa manages to disarm him thanks to that move. She hits the guy in the stomach, causing him to double over, and then she brings her trash can lid down on his head, another metallic bang filling the alleyway. She lets out a breath of exhaustion and bends over. 

 

"You just got Captain America'd bitch." Lexa says, throwing the lid down on the guy who was now unconscious, what she wasn't planning on was having the other guy grab her hand and bend her two fingers back into an uncomfortable position. 

 

Lexa lets out a squeal at the pain and grabs for her gun, she grabs the barrel and uses the butt of it to smack the guy right in the face, between the eyes. He crumples to the ground releasing Lexa's mangled fingers and the brunette immediately feels a small amount of relief when the pressure is gone - though her fingers throb and, judging by their unnatural position, they were broken. 

 

He scrambles up again but Lexa's prepared for it and she points her gun at him, her eyes turning a deadly shade of green, she was a crack shot, she never missed, and she wasn't about to take any chances. "Where did they take them?" Lexa demands as the guy raises his hands in surrender. 

 

"If I tell you Ontari will kill me." He says, his face was scraped and bloody, he had some deep cuts, especially where Lexa had slammed her gun into his face, and he looked worse for wear, but still like he could go a few rounds. 

 

"If you don't," Lexa raises her gun more to emphasise her point, ignoring the stinging in her chest. "I will." 

 

"You won't kill me." The man laughs, which leaves a sour taste in Lexa's mouth - or was that just blood? Lexa brings a hand to her ribs and lets out a hiss of pain. 

 

"You're right," Lexa admits, stepping forward, she didn't kill anymore, not like this anyway. She kicks the guy in his jaw and then puts her boot on his chest, pointing the gun down at him as he looked up at Lexa with wide eyes. "I’d rather see you rot in jail, but, if you can't tell, I'm feeling a little desperate and you fucked up my fingers so I'm going to need a location or the cops can either find you here, or they can find you tied to a lamppost after I beat the information out of you. Which one do you prefer?" She asks, of course she wouldn't  _ actually  _ beat the guy to a lamppost, maybe, probably, though the desperate part wasn't a lie. 

 

She watches as the man swallows, clearly weighing up his options, before he spits out blood and looks back up at Lexa. "It's a warehouse down by the docks," He reveals. "number five I think." Lexa holds her gun steady for a moment before she nods her head, she pulls back and feels the man relax before she delivers a blow right to his temple, knocking him out cold. 

 

She looks at her mangled fingers, which were luckily her left fingers, and clenches her jaw. She cringes and cries out as she pulls them back into place before she pulls her hood back up, hiding her already bruising jaw and bloody face. She grabs her phone and makes a quick call for the station to take in the two brutes in the alleyway before she sticks her gun in the back of her waistband of her skinny jeans and begins strolling down the alleyway. 

 

"I'm going to find you," Lexa vows to herself as a gust of wind blows her leather jacket back and she feels it hit her bloody face. "I promise." Her words are carried away by the wind as she feels the determination settle in her gut.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, the next few chapters are gonna be intense. I'm sorry to say this baby is coming to a close :( this was my first major fic and man has it been a wild ride, I started this when I was 16, I'll be 18 in a month, that is INSANE y'all. I want to focus on this fic for the time being, so I can't say when my others will be updated since sixth Form really is hard work, and I'll be in year 13 soon! Anyway, is anyone actually still interested or did you give up lol I am so so so sorry for it being so damn long, hopefully a new chapter will be ready soon but I was hoping to do history research at some point so I'm uncertain. Anyway, I'll see y'all next time and feel free to leave me a comment on your thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes.


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